The Truth About Having A Newborn

Three weeks into parenthood, we're sharing what nobody tells you about newborn life, sleepless nights, self-doubt, and the moments that make it all worth it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Do you know how sickening this makes me feel?

SPEAKER_00 0:02

What?

SPEAKER_01 0:03

To have you literally fallen asleep right before we're about to do that podcast episode.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

I mean, it might have 5 p.m., so it's about my time to take a nap. Yeah.

unknown 0:15

I know.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

I know, I know. But thank you for trying. I mean, being here.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

It's Father's Day. Can't really say now.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

What?

unknown 0:31

You ready? Of course you're ready.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

You stay ready.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Hello, sweetheart.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

What's up?

SPEAKER_01 0:43

Do I need to move the mic closer to you?

SPEAKER_02 0:46

I don't think so. I think you can just go like this. I mean, it's gonna be on his head, so if he wakes up, he might smack his head, but Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

I mean, you can pull it back a little bit. I I can um I'll just boost the volume so that you can.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Now you're like, it's fine, I can boost it for you.

unknown 1:05

Yeah, well.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

So all I do is have a kid, and that's when you'd help me.

SPEAKER_01 1:08

Well that's what I was about to say. You um Yeah, and you look a little preoccupied over there. Wow. What what is that? What is that a is that a human being?

SPEAKER_02 1:21

Is that a baby dropped off by the stork?

SPEAKER_01 1:25

The stork. Um how were you told were you told babies get dropped off by a stork when you were younger?

SPEAKER_02 1:33

No. But I don't my dad makes a joke. It's like you didn't get here by the stork, um, insinuating that like, you know, parents do the nasty. But I don't know, I don't think I ever asked. And if I did, I don't remember like it being a very big deal, how I was told. But my parents told me things very matter-of-factly, you know, like age appropriate, but not like sugar and spice and everything nice. It's just like, hey, this is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Yeah, well, that's um that's something that we're gonna have to get accustomed to. Um, but before that, we have to do intros.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Yeah, that's what your job is.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Welcome back to another episode of the open marriage podcast. I'm your host, Blair Edwards. This is the beautiful Khalir Edwards, and we have a special guest today. Adding to the new cast member of the Open Marriage Podcast, we have the one, the only. Can I introduce wait? Can I introduce it, man? We have the one and only Luck Edwards.

unknown 2:41

Woo! Woo!

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Also, notice that's like the most quietest intro that players ever done because he's always afraid to like talk in front of the kid. Meanwhile, I'm like talking over this kid. This kid is just asleep.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

You have a baby.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

We have a baby.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

We have a baby.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

You went half on it with me.

SPEAKER_01 3:01

Honestly, it looks like I went 100% on it because they can't see him, but uh that's all me right there. The whole face. I mean, he has your skin tone, more or less when you're out in the summer, you know.

SPEAKER_02 3:15

Yeah, I haven't seen that color in about uh three years since you moved me here.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Sorry. Yikes. Sorry, it does get hot in Vegas.

SPEAKER_02 3:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

But um, but baby.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

So hot, in fact, I don't actually go outside. Anyway, competition for a different day.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

We have a baby.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

What? Hence the hiatus. Blur isn't yelling at me every day that we need to record this podcast. And I've been down every single day. So if anyone has anything to say about why it didn't come out, it ain't on me.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

You know when someone's like, hey, you want to go do something, and they're like, Yeah, and you're like, okay, and then you've like put your shoes on and you're like standing by the front door, and then someone's just looking at you like.

SPEAKER_02 3:55

That's what I did to you?

SPEAKER_01 3:57

No, it just feels like uh we have bigger fish to fry. We have to make sure the baby's still alive. You gotta keep them alive. You know, we have to take care of you. You're just coming off of pregnancy. Speak about that. How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_02 4:14

Tired, perpetually tired, but other than that, great. I feel great. How do you feel? I know you feel tired as hell because you're taking naps left and right as if you pushed the baby out. I didn't know you had labor.

SPEAKER_01 4:28

I um what do they call it? Sympathy, sympathy pains throughout this whole pregnancy. I I I felt pregnant. My feet were swollen, I was getting nauseous in the morning. I think I was just angst about this child coming, but now they're here, and now all that's left is just the tiredness. Because I've been worrying myself sick for the past nine months. But now child is here. You're looking at me like, huh?

SPEAKER_02 4:54

Yeah. What were you worried about?

SPEAKER_01 4:59

I think the thing I've been most worried about is will I be will I be good enough as a dad? Well I I've always I mean to be honest, I I everybody knows this. Clear, you're an amazing person.

SPEAKER_02 5:16

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

And ever since we got together, I felt, damn, do I even really deserve her like that? And I married you, not only to lock you down, um, but to trap me, to possibly earn you throughout life. And now we've added a child into this mix, and I'm like, ugh, am I ready to be a dad? Yeah, not not like you are. What makes you think I am on this Father's Day?

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Oh, you mean to gas you up on Father's Day?

SPEAKER_01 5:51

No, no, I don't need no gas in, but you have been ready as a mother.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

You're you're ready, and I think that like that's a normal dad thing to experience, is like you haven't had to carry a child, you haven't had to like mentally um experience changes of your body or like experience changes of your emotions, so like it is different for you. Um and so I think that that this is like a normal period. The child is weeks old, it hasn't even hit month yet, you know what I mean? And so I think this is all like very normal first-time dad experiences of like, am I doing this correctly? Why can't I get him to do this? Why does he not like this? Why does he like this yesterday but not today? How come mom can do it? Blah blah blah. And science shows, like, he still thinks he's a part of me, so he just he's new to you and you're new to him.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Yeah, I have never felt so inadequate. Um I'm getting really into my Virgo bag. I'm like, okay, you know, I this is one of the reasons why I didn't read any books because I felt, you know, it's probably best if I just learn on job, learn on a flight, because nothing's gonna prepare you for being a parent other than having a child and being a parent, you know what I mean? Sure. But I just knew that see he's crying, he's like, Dad, I don't want to hear this, just shut up and let me sleep. Oh just a little bit spit, yeah. A little bit, can I help you?

SPEAKER_02 7:23

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

It's just being a baby.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Come here.

SPEAKER_01 7:47

This is real life right now.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

And that's how you that's how you do it. We're done.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Yeah, um Yeah, I I don't know if um I don't think what I'm feeling is a typical dad thing. I don't know. I I I have to talk with more dads maybe. But I'm just so in I'm just so in awe of you because it just I don't want to say like everything that you do, you make it look easy. It looks incredibly hard, but you look incredibly competent handling everything. Like you just know exactly what to do. And I'm like looking at you trying to study, I'm like, okay, she rubs his back like this. Okay, he's like she's bouncing him like this, but every single time I try to do it, it just doesn't he's still like give me my mother please get off me. But um it will be better, I promise. Yeah, for for his sake.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

And some grace for you, you know?

SPEAKER_01 8:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

And he loves you, he does. He doesn't know what you look like yet, you know, what I look like either. They can't see he thinks we're like blurry black and white blobs.

SPEAKER_01 9:09

I mean pretty much more or less. Um yeah, I mean, this isn't gonna be like a whole pity party, but I just wanted to turn this around and give you as much praise as possible for just a couple of weeks of being a mother. You've been absolutely fantastic. Thank you. So I have a question. Before having this baby, what did you think parenthood looked like?

SPEAKER_02 9:42

Uh yeah, this. I I mean, it's funny because my parents were here um for like two, I don't know, like 17, 18 days out, maybe like that, something like that. Um they came the week before he was born, and they came and then they were saved like the week after, and they were here for a bit of time after um just for for a little extension. And my parents are so sweet. They're like, my dad's like, we're just so worried about you. And I'm like, listen, we all know what parenthood means. It means 100% of the time, 100% exhaustion.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

And like just doing what you need to do. That just is what it is, you know what I mean? So I'm like, yeah, this is what it is. Sometimes you don't get out of your PJs, sometimes your hair's not done, sometimes you don't brush your teeth, uh, and that is that's it. What'd you think it was?

SPEAKER_01 10:30

Uh you know what? I thought it would be. I thought it'd be something like that.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

I guess what I didn't, I mean, you see on the shows, like sometimes you see that, you know, the parents have the child, and you know, depending on the gender, like, you know, you change the diaper, you either got pee shooing at you, you're dodging it, or you know, you see a bunch of poop and you're like, uh, P U. You know what? Like you sh they see the you see in the TV shows and the movies. Um, so I thought it'd be kind of like that fun montages, you know. But then I realized the moment that the child got here, I'm like, oh, I'm exactly what you said, 100% of the time, 100% exhaustion. I thought I was living in Vegas and being able to go to the club till like five, six o'clock in the morning up all night. I'm like, do you know what? I'm used to being tired, I can do this. This is a different kind of you gotta be on 24-7. I'm like, damn.

SPEAKER_02 11:27

Yeah, yeah, you can't zombie walk and try to change a diaper. Yeah, it's just or get him out of the bass net.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Ooh, it is 24 24-7. Damn. Um, I also realized that I've never been around babies before. Uh at all. You've babe you've babysat people.

SPEAKER_02 11:51

Tons.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Uh uh, and you said a majority of them have been like girls. Girls. Yeah. Um, how many if you could ballpark, how many babies have you been around? Like your friends having babies, you've been babysitting.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

It's more like babies that my mom's friends have had because I was I was the oldest. My mom had me young, so I was always the oldest kid around all like the younger kids. How many babies? I don't know. Like 20, 30.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

That's not bad. That's like if if you could do the math, that's like a baby-ish yeah, if you wanted to do that.

SPEAKER_02 12:27

I'm around I've been around more babies and kids than I haven't, I think.

SPEAKER_01 12:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Yeah, I've been around zero.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

So I'm only one, but your nephew was like a very short-lived experience.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

My nephew, I could completely forget. I mean, even my nephew, I was hardly around him like that.

SPEAKER_02 12:42

That's what I'm saying. And also you choose when you're around babies, you choose, you chose in the past not to hold them.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

Yeah, I don't know, just uh uh precious merchandise. Not to object, you know.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Well, you don't think that their necks are like loose.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Yeah, what bobble hair babies, you know what I mean? Yeah, gotta stay away from that. And and what if you like, okay? So I have hyperhydrosis in my hands. Look at me holding a baby. Imagine me, uh a baby slipping out of my hands. It's over. And that's someone else's kid. No, I can't do that. So I was just like, never mind. And then now the time has come when I have to hold my own baby with my I can't even hold my own baby.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Yeah, you can't.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

They begin. He's been getting overheated. Every single time I hold him, he's just like crying because of just the sweat palms. You think he's gone to the bottom in his diaper? It's just my hands. Sad.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

He's fine. He's fine.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Speaking of, finally, I get to talk about the gender. We have a boy, you're a boy mom.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

A boy mother, I knew it. I knew it. Blair tried to play me. Like, what if it's a girl?

SPEAKER_01 13:47

I'm like moms. No. That boy energy, huh?

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Yeah, he kept saying, like, how do you know? Because I have boy and I have boy mom energy. Now, that's not to say that I can't have girl mom energy. And if luck came out to be a girl, even awesome. Like, we're good either way. We're good if it's a boy, we're good if it's a girl. But when they placed this baby on my chest, when I pushed the baby out, no one in the hospital room knew what this was gonna be except for you. And they're like, What are you having? I tell like little balls and penis, and I'm like, I knew it.

SPEAKER_01 14:23

Yeah, heavy like your daddy.

SPEAKER_02 14:26

Blair.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

Sorry.

SPEAKER_02 14:29

Six ounces of balls?

SPEAKER_01 14:31

Seven pounds, six ounces, just six ounces of lean grade A balls. I'm telling you. Boy, gonna be a problem when he's gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 14:41

Not outnumbered.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Why? Oh, because oh, in the house. We're all a team here. Actually, that ain't a girl dog. Okay, speaking, okay, no. Speaking of, do you want to speak about a little bit about the birth or you want to?

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Where's my push present of a dog?

SPEAKER_01 14:58

Is that what you want?

SPEAKER_02 14:59

I'm just kidding. I want to scare you.

SPEAKER_01 15:04

Okay, I was thinking about getting you a push present.

SPEAKER_02 15:06

I do not want anything. We we have spent so much money on moving and all these things. I'm like, the last thing I need is you give me a present.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

But just know that you deserve one. You deserve everything in the world. I'm just letting you know this right now. Just waiting until this check comes in. I got you, guy. I gotcha.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

You said they wanted to talk about the birth? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:28

You want to give like a quick little rundown of it?

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Yeah, sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:32

Um I I okay. First and foremost, I just want to say this right now. You've told this story how many times? Like a thousand times already?

SPEAKER_02 15:41

Maybe like five.

SPEAKER_01 15:43

Oh, okay. Well, that's a thousand survivors.

SPEAKER_02 15:47

I mean, who am I talking to and where have I been? We're in the house.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 15:51

No, no, fill you. But um it's like a before and after situation. So was your birth, did it line up with how you thought it would go, or did you just not think about it?

SPEAKER_02 16:04

No, did not. Okay, so you don't know this because obviously you're not like on mom talk. Um, and like that's not the Mormon wives, but I'm just talking about like in general, like mom baby TikTok. A lot of pregnant women, while or pregnant people, when like they're at the end of their pregnancy, would post like these TikToks where they'd say, like, my ideal birth and like list all these characteristics, and then they would you would swipe and it would be a slide that would essentially say what actually happened. And so in everyone's I guess like ideal birth, it would say um spontaneous labor, water breaks, uh no pain meds, no tearing, baby out in X amount of time, like whatever they're wish lists essentially. Yeah, so yeah, I mean I didn't have like a wish list, but I definitely had an idea of what I hoped would happen. What you think will happen typically turns out either exactly the opposite or definitely not anywhere near it, at least in my experience. So I'm like, I'm not gonna have a set list of things that I want to happen. I'll just have some ideas of how I hope it might go.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

I definitely didn't get spontaneous labor, which uh yeah, I figured he wouldn't because a first-time mom typically doesn't really happen like that. Also, I'm tall, so a lot of space. He wasn't forced out. There was no force eviction. Trying to serve him papers, but he didn't want to come out.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Squatting for real.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Yeah. And um, yeah, I didn't want to have an epidural, but I wasn't tied to not having one. So I I'm I think I satiated myself that I went as long as I did without any meds. I think it was like six hours of labor without meds. Uh, which I'll take that as a win.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:52

Um I think where I did get what I wanted was I didn't push for long and he was out and I was able to have vaginal birth. There was no c-section.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

Nice.

SPEAKER_02 18:01

Not that anything wrong with C-section, but I wanted to I wanted to experience a vaginal birth and um that he was healthy. Ten toes, ten fingers, healthy baby, came out, nothing wrong, all the things checked out, besides a little bit of jaundice. Um, and that's what I could have hoped for. So yeah, I think overall, like, is it exactly what I thought it was gonna be? No, but is life ever exactly what you think it's gonna be? No. So it kind of tracks. What about you? Did you think it was gonna go differently than how it went?

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Yeah, I thought it was gonna be like the movies. I thought I was gonna be at work because mind you, he he came out what a week after or less. One week after my due date, yeah. And you had to get induced. So I was thinking spontaneous label while it was working. I was thinking I was gonna be at the show, you know, doing my lines, and then I don't know where you're like, Blair, it's happening. He he what I think that's the breathing techniques. I don't know. I I thought it was gonna be like the movies, and then I run out. I'm like, everyone, I'm having a baby, and they're like, Blair, get out of it. They're all cheering you on in the signs running, slow motion.

SPEAKER_02 19:11

Yeah, none of that happened.

SPEAKER_01 19:12

Yeah, you know, once that 40 weeks hit, I looked at you, you looked at me, I'm like, is this baby gonna come? You're like, no, I'm doing all the things you do.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

I did everything we could, did everything we could, all the things, you know.

SPEAKER_01 19:25

Um, but then uh once a week went by and then they said, Okay, I think it's probably best if we induce you. I said, Okay, this is a different process. Um way worse than I thought it was gonna be. Absolutely. Okay, she she will she's sparing out the details, but I'll I'll do it on behalf of you. That was probably the worst experiences I've ever seen in my life. Seeing my beautiful wife, my love, my everything be in so much pain. You said, Yeah, six hours unmedicated. Uh, we should have given you the epidural as soon as we checked into the hospital. That's what we should have done.

SPEAKER_02 20:06

I will say, like, it, and obviously, you know, there's some bad memory associated with how much pain I was in for you. I think for me, what um, yeah, I was in pain. It sucked.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

I think what there's pain, no. See, like, pain is like when you accidentally step on like a plug.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Okay, I was suffering.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

There we go.

SPEAKER_02 20:31

Is that better?

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Yes. Torture.

SPEAKER_02 20:34

I wasn't suffering the entire time, but at the time that I got to the end of the six hours without any meds, uh, and I decided that I wanted something to take the edge off, I definitely was suffering. But I think that ultimately it's like your body is gonna tell you before your mind. I think I've talked about this before. Your mind's stronger than your body, and every person that's an athlete knows this. Like, you can do a lot more than what you think you can do if you just keep your mind on what's like what the end goal is. And so for me, it was like, okay, I know at the end of this, we're gonna get a baby, we're gonna get our baby. I don't know the gender, I don't know what they look like. Um, also, it's like the greatest gift in the world, and so like that was my North Star. So, yeah, the pain sucked, the suffering sucked, but I'm alive. We've got a baby, he's healthy and happy and loved, you know. It's like, all right, whatever, it's fine.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Yeah, you just um I'm gonna go back to it. She was suffering, and so much to the point that I was crying because I was like, I can't do anything to help you. Like, except maybe cry?

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Was I crying?

SPEAKER_01 21:40

No, you didn't. See, this is why you're such an amazing person. You was you were suffering and you was white knuckling at certain points, but you never cried. Threw up. I finally got to see you throw up three times.

SPEAKER_02 21:55

Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't see me throw up.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

You're talking about you're the cute you're the cutest thought. Thorough upist, you'd be and then go, excuse me. I'm like, oh my gosh, you don't have to apologize. This is horrible.

SPEAKER_02 22:10

Uh yeah. I will say I think that the that labor was was bad for me because of the like, oh, there goes baby.

SPEAKER_01 22:19

Oh I think he has something to say. Do you want to talk to the people then?

SPEAKER_02 22:23

He had a great time. He had a great descent out. Okay, he's gonna say like this.

SPEAKER_01 22:27

Maybe it's always cute because whenever he like slumps over to the siding, he's like, and then he'll just give up and then go back to sleep.

SPEAKER_02 22:39

Also he has like lint in his toes. Come here. Okay. Also, baby's gums with like Save Wonder teeth. Is that like a am I allowed to say that? At least our kids does. Anyway, uh was I what was I saying?

SPEAKER_01 23:01

Uh you were talking about um throwing up, being cute, having a healthy baby.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Yeah, yeah. The throwing up was was gross. And I don't really want to, I didn't want to throw up in front of you, but at that point, it's like, what can you do? Uh but oh, I was saying, I think I think the reason why labor sucks so much for me is because I had to be induced. Um, mind you, I was scheduled an induction at 41 weeks and two days. But after an appointment at my OB office on Thursday, so I was 40 weeks and six days at that point, um, they sent me to the hospital to be induced because I had high blood pressure. And I think that because when I got there, they put me on pitocin and inserted a balloon, that the two of those combined for someone who's never experienced labor pain.

SPEAKER_00 23:57

It was a shock to the body.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

It was a shock to the body, which is why I threw up so many times and why I was in so much pain. I think if one of those things was true, like I was on Pitocin only and some centimeters eyelid before I got there, or just the balloon was happening, I think I would have been able to get through the pain. Um, but the two in tandem after never experiencing labor pain before is like what really fucked me up.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Right. And it's funny because throughout this whole process, we've been told, like, yeah, you can have like a you know, a preference list of birth plan. Uh pretty much everything that we had on our birth plan didn't go accordingly. We didn't have our original OB, we didn't have spontaneous vaginal birth. By the way, I'm I'm finding out that's a thing. Yeah, I was like, yeah, it makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

I never thought we had vaginal birth, it's not spontaneous.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Oh, yeah, yeah. But I I didn't think that inducing you would be a thing, you know what I mean? And then having Potosin and then doing the what they call it, a helio bubble? A felio, what's it called?

SPEAKER_02 24:56

Folly balloon.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

I was way off Rick Foley balloon, something like that, yeah. Um, but what I will say is the team that was on deck for you, great team.

SPEAKER_02 25:11

Yeah. I mean, 12 out of 10 Summerlin Hospital was incredible, and anybody who lives in Las Vegas who's looking to deliver, um, I'd recommend it a thousand times over again. And yeah, I mean, we didn't deliver my Obi. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_02 25:40

Social experiment. It's okay. Okay. You go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

Go go ahead. Uh oh.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

We didn't deliver with our OB, but what do you think about our the OB that delivered him?

SPEAKER_01 25:56

Yeah, um, we we had fantastic people. Everyone was just so warm, everybody was so encouraging. Anything that we needed, they were like, We got you, just tell us what you need, snap your fingers, do your step. You can do it all by not all by yourself because we're here to help you. Um, which I was really grateful for. I think for the actual pushing out part, they say it takes about an hour to three. You got it out in one hour.

unknown 26:22

One hour, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

I'm so sorry, baby. Probably get the ball ready. Yeah, yeah. We'll be right back.

SPEAKER_02 26:47

He does not like this, but we're committed. So Capricorn energy is alive and well, isn't it? I love you. Everything will be just fine. I'm alive, don't worry.

SPEAKER_01 27:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

Do you hear that?

SPEAKER_01 27:13

I I can hear from here. I'm not sure if the microphone a rumbling in the diaper. A rumbling.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

After I just changed it. Master T'all in there.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

Yeah, that's uh that's another um that's another thing. I thought I didn't know that they had it in the movies. A baby could pee and doo-doo in a diaper, you go to change change them, clean them up. You're like, yay, you go downstairs as soon as you sit down again. I think that was actually a pretty decent sound.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Yeah, it was frightening. Let me see how much of this you drink. Oh, good job. Alright, so this episode is all like parenting. You just do it, you stop, you come back, you don't know where you left off, you just try something, you just say something, and then you go to the next thing. It's great. Shame of consciousness.

SPEAKER_01 28:02

Yeah. And we are back. We were just talking about how you had an amazing staff that was taking care of you, even though the what was uh I'm not even gonna get into the specifics, but the the gentlewoman that delivered your baby, an absolute sweetheart. You only pushed for about an hour. Nurse was fantastic. There was no tears. Yeah, I mean there was tears, but yeah, not tears.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

There is no tears. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

You were on a whole nother tear level of say amazingness.

SPEAKER_02 28:38

Paul, pull, and pull.

SPEAKER_01 28:41

Pull, pull, pull.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

Yes, good job. That was an excellent burp. Good job. Okay, yeah, we had a great staff. Honestly, 12 out of 10 recommend. Oh, we've got some spit up.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

You know what it's like to try and do a podcast, but then also be an active parent while you're feeding your baby, burping them, taking care of the spit up, feeding them again. Just look, look, look at her. We can just have this whole podcast of just looking at you, baby.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

No, it's please don't do that. I'm I'll be shy. I'm shy.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

You are not shy.

SPEAKER_02 29:24

Uh anyway, so yeah, I mean, listen, I I will I will get into my labor story on a different date in more detail. Maybe in my new social media um habits I'm gonna create. But uh listen, birth is hard, and that's the point. Okay, it's not gonna be easy. And if it is, congratulations. I'm happy for you that if it for those that are that's easy, and for those that hasn't been, it's fine. At the end of it, we just have to be good our baby, and we did, and so I feel lucky and grateful.

SPEAKER_01 29:55

I see what you did there.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Lucky.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Um, yeah, I remembered I think we were we were moved to the postpartum unit.

SPEAKER_00 30:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:04

And I also I was like, hey, look, this might be a little a little early to ask you. Would you do that again? And your answer is Of course. Service.

SPEAKER_02 30:19

Of course, of course. Yeah, children are are the greatest gift, so I would have as many, as many as you'd like, I'll provide.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

Well, I'm a whole sperm bank over here, so you just let me know whatever whatever you need. I got it for you.

SPEAKER_02 30:34

So, what have you what it what's something that you didn't expect to experience having a new baby?

SPEAKER_01 30:43

Something that I didn't expect when having a newborn baby.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Like, what are some things that you've experienced so far in these first three weeks that you're like, I wish someone would have given me a heads up because that shit made me feel scared at first.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Oh, yeah. Um, how adaptable you have to be. I thought maybe we do one thing a certain way and that will hold us for a month or two. Doesn't last a day. Sometimes it don't even last a night. I'm like, damn. We can't do remember, remember in the good old days, son, when I used to you used to feed you and then just burp you, you'd be like, uh, you know what I mean? And then you'd be tired and then I put you down, and it's all good. Now? No.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

There's no putting him down either.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

There's no putting him down.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

We could have to hold him up for at least 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

And then after we hold him up for 30 minutes, they're still split up.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

They're still spit up. What are we doing wrong? Like right now, he just spit up that whole whatever he's. I don't even know. But it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

Yeah, I the amount of agility that you have to have in being a parent. Damn. I was not ready for that. But I will say this because you've been so present every single step of the way, it gives me a bit more. I feel a bit more galvanized, a little bit more grounded to be like, hey, this is just this is literally life. You have to be agile, you have to adapt with what you got going on. You can't expect things to be perfect every single day and swish it up, and then everything will be fine. And then when it switches up again, you just work with it. You you've just been so fantastic at doing that.

SPEAKER_02 32:32

Yeah, I mean, shout out to my my career in leadership because that's exactly what leadership is. It's like the thing that you tried yesterday might not work today or tomorrow. Um, and you gotta go back to the drawing board. It's sort of like a game plan, you know? Or like, I don't know, if I can put it in digance terms, like when people go out of the show, people have to make adjustments, you know what I mean? And that's life always.

SPEAKER_01 32:55

What could you know about shows and dawns so on?

SPEAKER_02 32:58

Dance, Mom. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

You just did a chat.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

Is that a thing? I don't know. I only have one hand, so it is not really gonna be as powerful.

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Ha cha cha. Okay, um, what's been easier than expected?

SPEAKER_02 33:20

Our relationship? I don't know. People were always like, um, babe, I'm ready to cry. Cry with me. Look at my eyes. Postpartum, baby.

SPEAKER_01 33:37

I was gonna say the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

Really?

SPEAKER_01 33:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:40

Oh my love.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

I'm so grateful for you. You have no idea.

unknown 33:45

Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 33:46

I know. We really embrace these uh these emotions. We do. They're big. They're big. Um, yeah, our relationship. I I mean people always talk about like, you know, like things are gonna be different and you're gonna be angry at your partner because you're sleep deprived, and your kids knowing you, and like you're changing all these things, and I think the constant in all this has been um like the support and the the experience that we have hasn't changed because we have a kid. Like, yeah, we don't eat dinner together every single night. One of us set up sit down and hold them, and someone's gotta give them a pacifier, and um someone's gonna clean the dishes and do the things, but like everything else is the same, you know, which I'm grateful for.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

Same. I mean, we are only a couple weeks into this, and you could wring my neck by to by the end of tonight. But what I will say is um you've been so encouraging for me to have a level of grace for myself. Hold on a second. Let me get my baby, let me get my baby a tissue.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

No, I don't need any tissues, you should you sweetie. I love you. Those of you who can't see, Blair's just patting my eyes. Give me tears away. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 35:11

She's such a beautiful lady. I don't even want to see, I just don't want to see tears of joy.

SPEAKER_02 35:15

It is. It is tears of joy. Tears of gratitude. Yeah. Yeah, leave her here. Perfect. Thank you so much. Uh but yeah, I that's hands down been something that I've really appreciated. And I don't think that that will change because I I know that we can communicate effectively and can be honest when things are not feeling great before they go bad. So um, yeah, I feel confident in our ability to continue to adapt and make changes, but still prioritize one another despite having a child that we're also spending a majority of our time focusing on, if not all of our time.

SPEAKER_01 35:49

Yeah, I mean, they always say like you have to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of everyone anyone else. Yeah. I promise you, I'm always gonna be good. Let me take care of you, baby. Let me take care of you who takes care of the baby, who takes care of all of us. Like, I've got you 100% of the way. And even though, because even yesterday, yesterday was kind of a low point for me. You can see it written all over my face. I was just walking around like brooding. I was just like, nothing I'm doing is working.

SPEAKER_02 36:21

This kid is not responding to me. I'm like, bro, he literally just got here, and you are a new parent, so am I. We're just doing our best. Everyone's just doing their best.

SPEAKER_01 36:29

Yeah, but it's different when your best is effective, you know. And I think I had to, I just had a moment of being like, hey, look, lick your wounds. It's fine, it's okay, it's gonna happen. But you can't, the one thing that we always have to prioritize is like, hey, when we're feeling some type of way, we can communicate, we have to let each other know. Yeah, you know what I mean. But it's not your job to make me feel better, even though you still do an amazing job of being like, hi, how you doing?

SPEAKER_02 36:58

So good to see you. Just try to give you good energy, you know.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

I mean, yeah, and I appreciate that. And I know if the roles were reversed, you know I would always do that for you. A thousand. But I just don't always have you do that for me while you're doing that for the child. Like, come on. I'm gonna get my shit together, sweetheart.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Listen, like I like I told you back when I lived in LA, not every day we'll be able to give each other 100 to 100, you know? So you just pick up the pieces or the other person can't do it. Alright, but I will say, okay, so let's just make this we'll turn this into a little bit more of a comedic time. Okay, what are the top three things that this that this baby does or babies do in general that kind of freaked you out?

SPEAKER_01 37:43

Um, I would say I know they're just babies and they don't understand their emotions yet. You know, that's something that you hopefully would learn as you grow into adulthood. But um, babies can be bipolar for sure. I I'm not gonna say a psychopaths, but and crying, screaming, and you're just like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. The moment you get the meal, I'm sorry I was acting over overrated. Oh, you put not make in this so what's on for TV? Zach and Bryce still going together on Love Island? Just anything just stops straight away. There's something in that titty milk. There is something in that titty milk that's just like speaking of, you tried it. Has have we not tried titty milk before? I want to ask you, viewers, let me ask you this. For all the people that are birthing people, you're breastfeeding some of the some people have formula and whatnot. But if you're if you're breastfeeding, have you tried breast milk? Because I've tried my wife's, and let me tell you something. Italian chef's kiss. You ever have this one I told you? You're like, ew, don't try that. I'm like, hey, look, you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_02 39:06

You have the sink like this. I mean, he's gonna throw away this old note that Luck didn't have. I'm like on the couch, he turns around. I'm like, don't do it. He's like the bottom's up. I'm like, what is wrong? He's like, you're don't waste this stuff, you can't waste it. I'm like, really?

SPEAKER_01 39:27

Golden milk. You know they sell that on a black market for a hefty price. You think I'm gonna let that go to waste? It's down the garbage disposal. One man's garbage is another man's treasure, and that's treasure to me, baby. You ever had frosted flakes? Come to find out. Not a lot of people have frosted flakes, it's completely fine. But after you eat frosted flakes and you know that that that milk that's left at the bottom and you just tip that ball sweet milk. Breast milk. Yes, baby.

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Alright, so babies are psychopaths or bipolar.

SPEAKER_01 40:03

Yeah, but it just what else? Oh, that was the biggest one. Uh, second thing, um, yeah, people okay. Early stages, like I said, it's only been a couple weeks. They they say that the blowback or when it comes to the a blowout. The blowout, yes, when it comes to the blowout or but you haven't really had a real blowout. You haven't had, but I'm just thinking about when it comes to changing the baby's dye. But people are like, ew, I think they do that for the movies. I'm not phased. I watched two girls, one cup, wasn't phased then. You did hell yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:38

Sick. Yeah. Uh yeah, I also feel like when it's your kid, it's just different. Like if someone vomited on me that was like a grown adult, I would be like, that's it's disgusting. I might throw up. My kid throwing up, it's my kid.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:50

You know what I mean? So I'm like, it's different. I don't care.

SPEAKER_01 40:52

And like you said, it it'd be coming out like mustard C's. And honestly, and and and it's not just a wipe away thing, you gotta brush that off.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

And then it's like inside every nook and cranny of the balls, and the it's just not good.

SPEAKER_01 41:07

But then when it gets onto your fingers, I'm just like, oh, just wipe it off. It's fine. It's not, oh my god, I got feces on me. Feces.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

All right, number three.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

Number three. Um bless you.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 41:24

The eye tracking thing.

SPEAKER_02 41:26

Active, active sleep.

SPEAKER_01 41:28

You'd be saying that he'd be getting a Vecna. He be sleeping at a uh you know, with the eyes like glit, his eyes be glitching.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

He's like a rua. No, but the vecna is when he's like laying on your chest and Ace, and all of a sudden he's like, this.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:44

I'm like, you go somewhere?

SPEAKER_01 41:46

I really hope he grows out of this cross-eyed phase too.

SPEAKER_02 41:49

Yeah, so he will, but that's the thing. That's another thing that I was gonna mention. Is like no one told me that newborns are cross-eyed. So the first time he did it, I was like, I'm sorry, what?

SPEAKER_01 41:58

We have this, um, so apparently their eyesight, they it's not like 2020, it's more like 2030. Their vision looking at you, Kenzie. Um, but the their vision is like blurry.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

It's the last, it's the last sense to form to like fully form. Do you know that? Damn. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

What's the first? Oh, speech, voice. Probably yeah. Yeah, because they'd be crying, but anyway, um, yeah, so uh he be looking around like he he wake up. Sometimes he'd just be like this. Like, you can't see it, but he's got Stevie Wonder teeth, and I'm pretty sure you got Stevie Wonder eyes. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 42:34

Also, no find Stevie Wonder. We we love Stevie Wonder.

SPEAKER_01 42:37

Of course. I need to get a vine of one of his vinyls Songs in the Key of Life. I we need to be putting our baby up on the classics. Fuck classical music, put him on the classics, Stevie Wonder. We haven't played any music, which is wild.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

I'm waiting for you to play it. That's your thing.

SPEAKER_01 42:52

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 42:54

Alright, my top three.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

Go ahead, baby.

SPEAKER_02 42:58

The random screaming while sleeping.

SPEAKER_01 43:01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:02

He just did it right now. I'm like, hello, hello, is everyone okay? And he's just screaming. I'm like, okay, awesome. Um that's the scariest thing ever. No one told me about that. The penis. Now, that's not of all babies, but I've to Blair's point, but around a lot of babies, but girls. Familiar with vaginas. All of all sizes, my size and a child's size, because I've had to change diapers. Baby penises, first of all, it just feels very intrusive to lift the tiny penis up. It's like we're like doing some sort of um Okay, put respect on my boy's name.

SPEAKER_01 43:42

He's small.

SPEAKER_02 43:43

He's small.

SPEAKER_01 43:44

Six ounces of straight balls.

SPEAKER_02 43:47

Okay. Anyway.

SPEAKER_01 43:48

Just like your daddy, proud of you.

SPEAKER_02 43:50

You have six ounces of balls? No, I think you have more than that.

SPEAKER_01 43:52

Each ball is about six ounces.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

You ate him. Is that part of the what happens when you have brothers when you Is that when you have brothers you guys were like measuring them, measuring your dick?

SPEAKER_01 44:04

I I don't remember Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:07

Okay. I just know So you measure the ruler and then you get out the scale to m to like weigh the balls.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

There's only one okay, this is way too much information for the baby uh to be hand clock uh air muffs. But when you're a boy, the only way you can measure your penis is if it fits inside condoms. That's the only real well way.

SPEAKER_02 44:27

Yeah, but when you're little, but when you're little, like you're measuring with like a ruler.

SPEAKER_01 44:32

Yeah, okay. Yeah, so what you do is you do the hand thing, you know what I mean? Like you you climb up, you see how much like girth you got. What I'm different.

SPEAKER_02 44:44

Okay, anyway. This this penis thing is crazy, and what's the crazy part about it is like not only do you feel like you're intruding someone's personal space, but if you don't cover it, you'll get peed on. And I have been peed on in the eye once already.

SPEAKER_01 45:00

Champagne shows. Not me. Not me. I I we got a mutual understanding from man to man. You don't pee on another man, you know what I mean? Yeah, so he's been very respectful of that so far with me.

SPEAKER_02 45:13

Yeah, that's the other thing. And then what's one more? Hmm. Oh, the umbilical cord stump. Yeah, no one prepared me for how it would just fall off randomly inside of a blanket, and I would shake it and it would come crawling out like a scorpion. Uh yeah, no one prepared me for that.

SPEAKER_01 45:30

So Yeah, you you you were panicking.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

I thought my my son was defective at that point.

SPEAKER_01 45:37

He was fine. You're like, oh my god, what do we do? I saw his research up online and how to clean it. I was like, okay, we get Q-tips, we get 70% alcohol, all that kind of stuff. Yeah, we you don't do any of that stuff. You just just wipe it down with water. It's completely fine. And I was so happy, at least from what I see, he has an inny outie. No disrespect to people that have auties, but if I see outie on him, I'm out of here. Huh?

SPEAKER_02 46:05

Yeah, it says you're responsible for cutting the cord, so you wouldn't dare want to cut the cord and then be blamed for trauma later on in his life. Because I would have been like, if he would have been like, oh man, I got this belly button and I get judged for it, I'm gonna be like, yo, talk to your dad, because he really did you a dirty one when he cut that thing.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

This is why we're gonna go see the dentist tomorrow. You know what I mean? We're gonna we're gonna get you right. Everything we're gonna get you right. Um is it a little bit too much information to talk about circumcision?

SPEAKER_02 46:32

No.

SPEAKER_01 46:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 46:33

Um We're done with that shit in 2026, respectfully. Stop fucking cutting your kids' dicks, okay? It's not good.

SPEAKER_01 46:39

Okay, and I'm British. Do that information what you will. My son is African American.

SPEAKER_02 46:46

Um, but you're saying that the child is 100% African American. Can someone tell him that he isn't?

SPEAKER_01 46:53

I marked him on the birth certificate. So he keeps saying that. That's what I said on the birth certificate.

SPEAKER_02 46:58

It must be true.

SPEAKER_01 46:59

It must be true. It's black and white. Or just black.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

Anyway, circumcision.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

Um, yeah, he I'm not circumcising my child. It's not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_02 47:11

It's more like we're not mutilating our child, you know?

SPEAKER_01 47:13

Mutilation.

SPEAKER_02 47:14

Yeah. I it's a really big push right now on like uh in social commentary world of like why do we do this? And honestly, I don't know that I I mean maybe I would have if I wasn't with you, I don't think I would have thought twice about it.

SPEAKER_00 47:27

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 47:27

Because most American guys are circumcised, it's just part of the culture. But after being with you, I'm like, oh yeah, that makes absolutely no sense. Like, why would I bring my newborn tiny child in the office to have him snip snip skin? That's not supposed to be snip snip. If it was meant to be like that, it would have they would have been born like that.

SPEAKER_01 47:46

Yeah. Our baby's coming out cult into a cold world already. Let them keep that turtleneck.

SPEAKER_02 47:51

Yeah, keep that helmet for safety.

SPEAKER_01 47:53

That little German shepherd.

SPEAKER_02 47:55

What?

SPEAKER_00 47:56

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

You know, that little that little uh what it called? That's not a naked Mora, because he's got clothes on it.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

What? A gopher? Groundhog, you say?

SPEAKER_01 48:11

It's groundhogs every day, oh my boy. I tell you that. Anyway, um, yeah, he he he good. No, don't don't get me wrong. You do whatever you want with your child. My child, on the other hand.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

Don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 48:22

Keeping all our skin. You know what I mean? Get your skin in the game. You don't want to cut that off. Anyway, um you're hilarious. Thank you, sweetheart. You're really hilarious. Thank you. So uh, yeah. Try to film this episode of the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 48:41

Listen, make it you don't need to make anything that it's not. We got through it. Blair probably is gonna put this uh podcast on ice, like the eight other ones that we have done that we don't need to do anything with. Um we're gonna do this. And it's okay if he's here and it's okay if he cries. That's realistic.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

Uh by the way, I just look. I just want you to be good. I just want to make less work for you. I just want you to have an I can't determine whether or not you have an easy pregnancy or not, but I can make it easier for you. So do it.

SPEAKER_02 49:14

Yeah. I'm pregnant. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 49:17

Parenthood, you know what I meant. I'm delirious. Speaking of, we gotta get you a nap. The baby's napping, you need a nap.

SPEAKER_02 49:24

It's not a nap. Literally, it's six o'clock. We need to make, I need to make dinner. Actually, I'm not even gonna be able to make the shepherd's pie, but I'll make it tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01 49:30

We're ordering in. We got Love Island to watch. Oh, it's six o'clock.

SPEAKER_02 49:33

Yeah, we we speaking of, let's wrap it up.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

Let's wrap it up.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

Speaking of, speaking of, speaking of Love Island. Quick tidbit. This season sucks. These people suck. And after watching last season, which was the first time I ever watched it, and having that glorious cast, my girl Alandria, we had Ace, we had Nick, we had Shelly, and having these fools on TV. Bye-bye, Sincere, Bye-bye Melanie. See you later, Corbin. Stop talking like that. Kenzie, stop being crazy and talking so scarily when you're talking to black people. Please stop doing that. Like the whole thing is just bad, all around bad. But what I will say, the one saving grace is After Sun, because those hosts are top tier.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

Yeah, we used to skip off the sun, but now I be that's the one thing that I actually look forward to. So shout out to the Love Island team for making it happen. Um speaking of uh before signing off, can I get a kiss? Can I get a kiss?

SPEAKER_02 50:37

What's worse? Answer in the comments. Can I get a hug or can I get a kiss?

SPEAKER_01 50:42

Well, can I get a kiss, sweetheart? Yeah, of course. Let me get one.

unknown 50:47

Yay!

SPEAKER_02 50:48

Sorry, I can't come to you anymore. Oh yeah, stop kissing people's babies on the mouth, also.

SPEAKER_01 50:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:57

Or the face.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

Um, thank you for listening on this episode of the Open Marriage Podcast. Remember, we are not an open marriage. However, the conversations are open, and we want to thank you for our newest guests for joining. We have Luck Edwards. Thanks again for coming into the building. Everyone say, Welcome, Luck.

SPEAKER_00 51:14

Welcome luck.

SPEAKER_01 51:15

Yes. Uh we'll try and keep this going. You gotta you still got maternal leave. I got parental leave. Parental? Paternal. There we go. We got I got paternal leave.

SPEAKER_00 51:25

So we're gonna leave.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Yeah, apparently. So we're gonna try and keep these episodes coming. We're still trying to figure out the set design. I'm telling you, just give me time. I just need a little bit of fun to come in. Wait till my funs come in and we're gonna have this whole thing right. Anyway, thank you so much. Thank you so much, sweetheart.

SPEAKER_02 51:42

And also, happy Father's Day to all those fathers out there. It'll be late, but we appreciate you. Without you, um, the sex of us would not be determined. So we're thankful for that. Thanks for making him a boy.

SPEAKER_01 51:55

Thank you for the Y chromosomes.

SPEAKER_02 51:58

Alright. That's it. We're done.

SPEAKER_01 52:02

See ya.

SPEAKER_02 52:05

You're funny.

SPEAKER_01 52:06

Oh, baby, I'm so thankful. Thank you for thank you for showing up. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

Babe, I'm good. I'm good for it.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

Alright, let's order some food.

SPEAKER_02 52:19

Yeah, what do you want? It's on me. Yes, it is. Okay.