Imposter Syndrome: The Confidence Killer You Didn’t See Coming

Ever felt like you're not good enough despite all your achievements? You’re not alone!

Whitney and Ashlie dive deep into imposter syndrome, exploring how it manifests in both men and women, the different ways it affects career growth, and personal experiences that bring it to life. 

They discuss startling statistics—like how 75% of women executive’s report experiencing imposter syndrome—and share insights on how women tend to overcompensate while men often withdraw. 

From self-doubt creeping in before big opportunities to dealing with negative self-talk, the hosts offer practical strategies for overcoming imposter syndrome, including fact-checking your thoughts, reflecting on your achievements, and seeking mentorship.

Listen For:

05:03 The Burnout Trap Why women work harder, and men opt out

12:42 What IS Imposter Syndrome? Breaking it down beyond self-doubt

17:49 Women & the Weight of History How systemic barriers fuel self-doubt

22:28 Comparison Culture Why social media makes imposter syndrome worse

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Chapters

• 5:03 The Burnout Trap Why women work harder, and men opt out
• 12:42 What IS Imposter Syndrome? Breaking it down beyond self-doubt
• 17:49 Women & the Weight of History How systemic barriers fuel self-doubt
• 22:28 Comparison Culture Why social media makes imposter syndrome worse

Transcript

Ashlie Marshall (00:00):

Doesn't matter what they look like. It doesn't matter how good they are. What matters is how good you are and what you know can do and what is your ability and what's your capability? Win or lose, it doesn't matter. Did you do your best? Yes. Okay, well that's great. That's enough.

Whitney Ramirez (00:21):

I dunno. It was a don't lie to me, TikTok. No, it's not someone that I know, but

Ashlie Marshall (00:28):

Oh,

Whitney Ramirez (00:28):

Okay. It was like a TikTok that I saw and it was like a recruiter or it was from a hiring manager, I think. And it was like if we get down to the final candidates and it's between two men and a woman, they go with the woman because she was already faced with X, Y, Z to even get to that point. And so I'm wording this terribly, but it makes sense whenever we start talking about the statistic that you found about how women over their 120% is a man's not even attempting, but he said if you get down between two men and a woman, just know that the woman had to work so much harder to get there

Ashlie Marshall (01:24):

By

Whitney Ramirez (01:25):

That point

Ashlie Marshall (01:25):

To get to the interview is

Whitney Ramirez (01:26):

What you're talking about. Yeah. Right.

Ashlie Marshall (01:28):

Okay.

Whitney Ramirez (01:30):

So should I want to get to your statistic because that's my

Ashlie Marshall (01:37):

Statistic. I'm

Whitney Ramirez (01:38):

Reading a couple of things too.

Ashlie Marshall (01:41):

Yeah. Imposter syndrome is incredibly real kind of in line. You were saying you watched a TikTok. I remember I purposefully did not click on it and read into it more. It was kind of annoying me a little bit, but there was somebody on LinkedIn, I believe it was a woman, if I recall correctly. If anybody knows this story, please feel free to jump in and tell me where I got it wrong. But from what I read, she was claiming that imposter syndrome is not something that we make up in our head. It's not our own negative, which we're going to talk about in a minute, but it's actually everything around us that makes us think that it has nothing to do with us and it has nothing to do with our thoughts and everything to do with systemic issues. And I feel strongly in certain areas of that, but regardless, I was like, no, that's not entirely true. You create your own thoughts and you are in control of your own thoughts, and if you can't recognize that you're in control of your own thoughts, well then you've got a lot more problems.

Whitney Ramirez (02:59):

Imposter syndrome, I think last year was the first year where I was like, oh my gosh, I have control over how I want my life to go. Last year was the first year that I really kind of understood that, recognized it. I was like, oh, you don't have to be unhappy or you don't have to live here or do things you don't want to do. You just

Ashlie Marshall (03:29):

Don't. Well, it's also true with our moods. I heard a podcast and the woman was saying, we have control over how our day goes. You wake up and you're in a bad mood and you're like, oh, it's just going to be a bad day. Well, there you go. There you have it, you're going to have a bad day, but you are in complete control of how that unfolds. So that kind of folds all into this, but obviously we're talking about imposter syndrome today, and I read an interesting statistic, a study that was done and an individual wrote about it in Forbes back in March of 2023. But at that point in time, 75% of women executives stated that they have experienced imposter syndrome. And that's just the women because men are not immune to imposter syndrome. Men experience it as well, but it manifests very differently from what I was reading. Men will shy away from challenging work and do less and work less hours when they're feeling the effects of imposter syndrome. But women on the contrary will do more and work harder and work longer hours and take the challenging tasks and speak up in the challenging situations and get to a point where they're in burnout because

(05:03):

They want to prove either to themself or to other people that they belong there. They have that ability to be there. So I find that really interesting and I wish that I knew a man who would come forward and say, Hey, I've experienced the thought process that people experience when they're in imposter syndrome, when they're facing that, when they're challenged with that, I would want to pick part's brain and be like, okay, well how did you handle that?

Whitney Ramirez (05:33):

Yeah, it's interesting too because it is like women will take the project and do their best work on it and then still feel that it's not good enough or it's not right. Or maybe someone else should have done the project.

Ashlie Marshall (05:53):

Yeah, they're not relieved of the stress or the anxiety when what they produced or how they're performing is going well, they aren't relieved of those stressors. Even when it's pointed out, oh, you're doing such a great job. Oh my gosh, really? Are you sure? And the stress continues, so that's very interesting. Whitney, when have you felt the deep effects? Give us your most recent time when you felt imposter syndrome was creeping up on you. Oh gosh.

Whitney Ramirez (06:33):

I mean I know what time I'm thinking of, but

Ashlie Marshall (06:41):

Give us the CliffNotes version.

Whitney Ramirez (06:43):

The CliffNotes version is that I let someone who I would not take advice from say that I'm not doing a good job. So I think it's in a way, I'll write it out on paper what I'm doing, and I know objectively that I am doing a good job,

(07:19):

But how I know that I may suffer from imposter syndrome or not feeling like I'm good enough is that when I did hear that someone thought I wasn't doing a good job or someone questioned my intentions, that really frustrated me and it frustrated me because I was already kind of thinking that because even though we're doing better than we ever have done, it's like, okay, well I've learned now that when you are doing better than you ever have done, then you have to expand and you have to grow. And that is a whole different situation now because where we were is we were stuck and we're not growing and now we are not stuck and we are growing. So we're in a whole new phase of our careers where we are now, not just trying to turn a company around, we are growing a company,

Ashlie Marshall (08:38):

We've turned it around and now we're trying to build on that. But question Kay, for a little bit more without, because I know what situation you're referring to, the things that were stated in regards to your position and your

Whitney Ramirez (08:58):

Role,

Ashlie Marshall (08:59):

Were those things to do with your success or failure in your actual

Whitney Ramirez (09:07):

Role? No, it was actually, and that's what kind of helped me get over it quickly. I let myself be sad for a few hours and then I was like, this is crazy because this is not even someone questioning my work. This is someone questioning me as a person, and if I don't want them in my life, then why would I even care?

Ashlie Marshall (09:34):

I know if those individuals are not somebody that you would consider a friend, a confidant, a mentor, any part, so well, I can still, because I know the situation, I can still be like, yeah, that would've pissed me off too. I would've felt the same exact way you did. And been in the same boat a time when I felt deep Imposter syndrome is actually this podcast, doing this podcast and I've been doing a couple of interviews with other people who have podcasts and being involved in those conversations, I almost every time go into it, why do they want to talk to me? What could I possibly talk to 'em about that they haven't heard somebody else talk about? Or why would people want to listen in on this podcast when we're just who we are? So at times it's that, and then obviously I'm in charge of the finances for the company, and so no one is telling me anything that is causing me to feel these feelings of imposter syndrome.

(10:57):

So when I'm doing my day-to-day work and I'm like, man, why am I still doing these same stupid tasks? Because they're required in order for us to make sure we pay our bills and that we have money in the account. And I'm like, but I want to be doing so much more in my role in terms of strategy, and there's things that I want to get to that I feel like I can't get to. And because I have so much to do at times, I tend to get into that mode of thinking of I am not doing a good job. I'm not getting to the things that are really going to be impactful and meaningful to the company's growth and future. And nobody outside of me is telling me any of those things. That's what I'm telling myself.

(11:41):

And so where our situations differ is there were outside influences that were causing you to feel the effects of imposter syndrome. And for me, it was all internal in the way that I was thinking that caused me to kind of go down this imposter syndrome spiral. But that kind of brings me to what exactly is imposter syndrome. Let's talk about that for a minute. I think that some people see it as, oh, you just think you can't do it. You just don't have enough faith in yourself. And that is partially true and it affects a lot of people in every profession. So outside of what the actual definition of it is, give us your rundown of imposter syndrome.

Whitney Ramirez (12:42):

I think I would describe it as it's not that you're not confident enough to do. Let's say there's a project and it'd be a really exciting project and a lot of people would want to do it.

(12:59):

Imposter syndrome would be not even submitting yourself for the project. It's not if you were told to do the project, you would do it. But if it's a different thing where you have to apply to be selected to do it, then you're like, oh, it's exciting and I would want to do it and maybe I do a good job, but there's probably people that are way better than me that could do this Instead. Someone that had a lack of confidence might still apply and be like, I don't know if I'll get picked, but we'll see. But syndrome, different.

Ashlie Marshall (13:48):

Imposter

Whitney Ramirez (13:48):

Syndrome is like someone else is probably going to do it better than me, so I shouldn't even apply.

Ashlie Marshall (13:54):

Yep, yep. It's so crazy. I could use my son as an example in soccer. He's not the tallest kid, he's on the shorter side. I'm short individual. My husband is on the shorter side, the challenged, vertically challenged. And my nickname in high school was shorty, I mean the whole thing. But my son also is on the shorter side, but he's very skillful.

Whitney Ramirez (14:29):

However, he's super, super athletic,

Ashlie Marshall (14:32):

Very athletic and very capable, and his little soccer team plays up. They're very skillful. So they play the older kids. Well, when you're eight and nine, older kids are a whole head taller than you, and he's not the only short one on his team. There's a couple of small kids because they're really good for such a young age, and they're playing these kids that look like giants and almost every game they come up and they watch the other team. The teams are warming up, and my husband is the coach. And so he's said multiple times, Dom was like, man, dad, look at those kids. Dad. Dad, look at those kids. I don't know. I don't know, dad. He has to turn around and say to him, it doesn't matter how big they are, but he creates that doubt in his own head, that kid's way bigger than me. It means he has to be better than me and I'm not good enough. They're going to trample me. Right? And then 10 minutes into the game, he breaks some ankles and feels fine about it. He's running

Whitney Ramirez (15:35):

Circles around them. Yeah,

Ashlie Marshall (15:36):

He's running circles around them and he gets it right. And so we kind of pound that into him. It doesn't matter what they look like, it doesn't matter how good they are. What matters is how good you are and what you know can do, and what is your ability and what's your capability? Win or lose, it doesn't matter. Did you do your best? Yes. Okay, well that's great. That's enough. And so we talk about that, but that is a form of imposter syndrome at a very young age, recognizing that their ability to create self-doubt just by a quick glance, what's surrounding them. Nobody told him anything. Nobody informed him, oh, those kids are bigger than you better look out.

(16:20):

People aren't saying that. We might say, you're going to have to body up a little bit. You are going to have to use your body more this time than last time. But that's okay. It's a learning process. So it's interesting to see in your kids when they start having experiences like that, and you can start pinpointing the presence of things like imposter syndrome. And I find that incredibly interesting. But the imposter syndrome experience is not biased. Everybody experiences it. And I know that people talk, women talk about it more than men do. And I think there are a lot of historical reasons why that is. I mean, what was the statistic you told me? How long has it been that women were allowed to get divorced since what, the fifties?

Whitney Ramirez (17:15):

Yeah.

Ashlie Marshall (17:17):

Yeah. So since somewhere in 19 decade of the fifties, 1950s was when women were first allowed to file for divorce from their husband. Before that, they weren't allowed to do that. Only men could do that.

Whitney Ramirez (17:31):

Women have been able to initiate divorce for 55 years.

Ashlie Marshall (17:35):

For 55 years. So when you see a couple, oh, so later than the fifties, no. So then I was incorrect. Not the 1950s in 2024, the sixties, right. So yeah, you're looking 50 years ago, you're looking in the seventies.

Whitney Ramirez (17:49):

So if you see a couple that's older than, I don't know, their seventies or eighties, that woman wouldn't have been able to initiate divorce in the early days, early years of their marriage.

Ashlie Marshall (18:07):

That's incredible. But so factors like that are why, in my opinion, I believe are why impostor syndrome might be more prevalent because women have had to fight a lot harder for their ability to do things and to make decisions for their own life. And then when they get the freedom, it's like, oh gosh, am I doing the right thing? Let me second guess myself. Oh, I know. But I do think that men experience that deeply, that second guessing, am I doing this right? I know Dwayne constantly. My husband constantly is like, am I doing the right thing? Is this the right decision to make? And we have conversations about that and kind of talk through it. But impostor syndrome will happen to anyone at any time, and it knows no bounds. So knowing that there's a couple of things that you can do to help you get through that. I have done two of these three things that we are going to mention I'm actively seeking to accomplish the third. So one of the three is to identify that self-talk, like that self negative voice that you have in your head. What does your say the most, Whitney, your negative self-talk?

Whitney Ramirez (19:30):

Literally, since I took positive psychology in college, I am very intentional when it comes to my thoughts because I feel like I am very sensitive to, they impact me a lot. Just being around negative people, it does not feel good being around people that are constantly negative. And so I try to really focus on positive, even if I'm being presented a negative. I literally used as an example the other day where I was shown a graphic or something and I was like, oh, that's so much more fun than the last one. But I didn't like it. I didn't like the graphic. And so I tried to find something positive about it regardless of my opinion of it, because I was like, I'll trust the process and I know things are going to work out with this. And it was fine, but it was just funny because that's how I've kind of retrained my brain is to find something

Ashlie Marshall (20:56):

Positive

Whitney Ramirez (20:58):

In whatever I'm kind of facing.

Ashlie Marshall (21:06):

Always. The negative always comes out first, and then I overpower it with positive. So where you are creating something positive before you say something, sometimes I'm freaking out for 20 seconds and then I'm like, Nope, it's okay. It's okay. We're going to work through it. We're going to, it's like current situation with my semi brand new vehicle and the air conditioner in the backseat's not working. And I'm like, we live in Texas in 98 degree heat right now. We can't have it. Air doesn't work. It's okay. The car's under warranty. We're going to take it in and we're going to survive

(21:44):

And it's going to be okay. First world problems. So the negative self-talk, counteracting that, trying to change the thoughts of I can never achieve that or I could never achieve that, I will never achieve that. Everyone else always gets it or everyone else has it easier than me because of my challenges. Those types of negative. You've got to get rid of that. You've got to change that habit and turn it into, it might not look like Susie's, but I'm still achieving the same. I'm still going to achieve it in my own way. It doesn't have to look like theirs. It has to look like mine. Right?

Whitney Ramirez (22:27):

Yeah.

Ashlie Marshall (22:28):

So that's the first one.

Whitney Ramirez (22:30):

And your 80% might be someone else's 15%.

Ashlie Marshall (22:37):

Exactly.

Whitney Ramirez (22:38):

You never know. You in your head are comparing yourselves to other people, but it's never going to be a correct assumption. You just don't know.

Ashlie Marshall (22:48):

Oh, the comparison is definitely, I feel like it's so much more prevalent these days because of social media.

Whitney Ramirez (22:58):

Oh yeah,

Ashlie Marshall (22:58):

Definitely. And social platforms where there's nothing but comparison happening 24 7.

Whitney Ramirez (23:05):

And you just have to know that you're looking at only what people want you to see. And so never assume.

Ashlie Marshall (23:13):

Never assume. We'll get into that I think one of these days and unpack more of the comparison problems. So number one, identify your negative self-talk and focus on factual statements. Focus on what is black and white actual, be more realistic. And fact check yourself. Don't just doubt yourself. Fact check it. Something that that will lead to is reminding yourself of your achievements. So the second one is looking at how far you've come or what you have accomplished as opposed to what you haven't accomplished. And that kind of follows getting rid of that negative self-talk. If you start saying, well, I'll never get that, or I don't know why I haven't gotten there yet, and you just harp on yourself, but turn around and look at all the things you have accomplished,

Whitney Ramirez (24:10):

Where

Ashlie Marshall (24:10):

You started to where you are now. And I constantly am telling my husband that Dwayne and I constantly talk about that. Sometimes he gets frustrated with where he's at with certain projects at work or certain situations, and I'm like, yeah, but look at what we were doing three years ago. Let's talk about that for a minute because you're in a completely different place right now. Look at all these things. We've accomplished. All of the things that we've changed about our lifestyle and so many aspects. And it's easy to forget all the things that you've done.

Whitney Ramirez (24:51):

Definitely it is.

Ashlie Marshall (24:52):

You and I had that conversation

Whitney Ramirez (24:54):

Because it's like you're always just like, okay, what's next? Let's keep it moving.

Ashlie Marshall (25:02):

Yeah, you're always looking for that next goal. And if you're anything like Whitney and I always looking at where you're not, but where you want to be, instead of saying, oh my gosh, look at all the things that we've accomplished. You and I had that conversation recently. Oh my gosh, look at where we were at the end of 2022 and where we are now.

Whitney Ramirez (25:23):

No,

Ashlie Marshall (25:23):

Exactly. It not even our roles or our titles, but the company look at it was crazy. And the third one, which I think you have one I do not as of yet, but get a mentor or a sponsor, whether it's at work or outside of work. I have people that I speak with, but I wouldn't necessarily consider them a mentor, but they are people who have been through situations similar to mine, but oddly enough, they're not women. So I find that interesting. I do think that it would serve me well to find, well, I have a few that I could, but I haven't implored or sought their wisdom because of certain reasons, but I could now, things have changed a little bit, and I could walk down that path. I don't want to say who is, but do you have a mentor? Are they at work or not at work?

Whitney Ramirez (26:26):

Yeah. Well, I feel like both, and I don't even know. I mean, I think mentor is the right term for a couple of people that I've met in the same industry locally. I know I can call them and ask any questions on how they've done things in the past and what their starting point look like and what they've struggled with. And I know a lot of that now and I'm grateful for the connections that I made. But I would say, I guess I consider my therapist a personal mentor in a way. So I've been lucky to have both. And it's great. It's like real people because whenever you are in a sales heavy role, it's kind of hard to see some genuine advice here and there, or just people being themselves in a way. So it's good to experience that.

Ashlie Marshall (27:29):

No, I agree with that a hundred percent. So if you are listening and you doubt yourself at times, I want you to fact check your thoughts and get rid of that negative self-talk. Remind yourself of all the things you've achieved already and how far you've come and seek out a mentor, whether they're in work or outside of work, and get someone else's perspective, someone that you trust, someone that you can confide in, and you are willing to listen to their perspective of your situation. That's what a mentor is, somebody who can show you the way. Be honest with you, even when the honesty is not necessarily what you want to hear or it's difficult to hear. Those types of individuals in your vicinity that you can reach out to are always positive to have in your life. But remember, imposter syndrome knows no bounds. It is not biased.

(28:40):

It will sneak upon you and attack you when you least expect it. But if you remember these three things like we attempt to do every day, you will feel better about moving through your day without the extra stress of all the things you're already facing. Don't put even more stress on yourself by continuing to have these thoughts. Work through it. Fact, check yourself, remember where you came from and talk to somebody. Those are three helpful tips. They are good tips. If you guys enjoyed our episode today and our chit chat about imposter syndrome, please, please leave us a review and share it with your friends, and we'll see you allall next time. See you guys. Bye. Bye.