The "I'm Ready Now!" Podcast
Ideas to help you when you're ready for change.
The "I'm Ready Now!" Podcast
EP 19: Building Bridges with Words: The Transformative Power of Compliments (Say Something Nice Today!)
Ever found yourself on a challenging hike, surrounded by new friends, where camaraderie turns tough inclines into joyous triumphs? Join me, Isaac Sanchez, as we embark on a memorable journey through Chino Hill State Park, where the power of compliments and shared experiences leads to lasting connections. The fun doesn't stop there—get ready for an upcoming celebration as we honor John, a key figure in our workout group, while pondering the transformative power of kind words, inspired by Dan Miller's uplifting insights.
Our adventure takes a heartfelt turn on a three-day trip to the Bay Area with my students, where the simple act of parents writing letters to their children creates profound moments of reflection. Witness how these emotional exchanges foster deep appreciation and connection between parents and students, culminating in heartfelt gratitude expressed through thank-you letters. Delve into the psychology behind compliments, as we explore an article that highlights how appreciation is the bedrock of healthy relationships—and discover the art of delivering meaningful affirmations.
Compliments are more than just words; they have the power to uplift spirits and reduce stress, akin to receiving a monetary reward. I reflect on how integrating this understanding can transform my interactions as an educator, breaking down barriers like anxiety and fear of negative reactions. You'll gain practical strategies for crafting sincere compliments, even in challenging situations, by viewing them from the receiver's perspective. As we close, I express gratitude for your support and encourage active engagement in our ongoing journey, reminding you that the next insight is just one kind word away.
Welcome to the I'm Ready Now podcast ideas to help you when you're ready for change. I'm your host, isaac Sanchez, here I share my musings on whatever it is I am reading at the moment, as well as any other ideas that I believe will help you break free from a standstill in your thinking in order to get you dreaming again. Thank you for joining me today. Well, I'm ready now. How about you? Excellent, so let's get started. And welcome back to the I'm Ready Now podcast. Thank you for joining me again. I'm excited that we're together and I always look forward to spending this time together. It's always, always, always invigorating for me as I start putting these ideas together and adding my ideas and twists to them. So I'm glad you hang out for that. I really do appreciate that, and I really am sorry that this episode is dropping two days late now, maybe three, so I just got behind on some stuff. But here we are. Let's get this thing going and let's move on. So back to our housekeeping. Here are my standard reminders for you. I like to share these right at the top. That first are the chapter markers on this podcast. So if you want to get straight to the contents, use those markers to skip right ahead. No harm, no foul. I understand. As I said before, I do so myself with some podcasts. Also, remember that in the description of this episode there is a link you can tap to text me there. You can leave your feedback on the topics we're addressing as well. You can always email me at IsaacSanchez at Maccom. I look forward to hearing from you.
Speaker 1:So what's up in your world? Well for me, hiking with new friends from the gym. This past Sunday we went on a hike with friends from our workout group. We had not been able to head to the gym for a while, my wife and I I'm talking about because she had had a surgery on her Achilles. It's been almost three months since her surgery and she's done such great work on her recovery that we've been able to be back working out again, sometimes with modified exercises for her. We've been back on our occasional walks. I say occasional because, as much as I love my walks, the workouts have been taking precedent. For us, it's a great way to start the morning once we get ourselves out of bed. That's the trick, of course. So we do our best to work out at 5.30 am most mornings of the week and the people that we have met there are absolutely wonderful. They took us in immediately. As a matter of fact, on our first day, one of the older guys, john, joined with my wife and I through the workout to help us with correct form and to encourage us. Our instructor, kara, is a short but strong woman. She's an athlete's athlete, still competing in various types of athletic competition. She's really encouraging when we're in class.
Speaker 1:So back to this hike. It was 7 am and it was a hike in the Chino Hill State Park. My wife and I arrived. It was a cool morning, but we were going to be spending a lot of time on this hike out in the open, so no trees to guard the sun, so we knew it was going to warm up a little bit. I love documenting with my phone or camera, whether that's video or pictures. So I took my phone, this time with the microphone, a selfie stick, and I got some great footage. It was really cool there. With the microphone, a selfie stick, and I got some great footage. It was really cool.
Speaker 1:There was about nine of us and we started out. They were moving at a decent clip and then came the inclines. We were headed to a peak after all. So we were hitting inclines. Well, my wife and I quickly learned that we are the sweeps sort of. The sweep, I learned, is the person that takes the tail end of the hikers in order. Here's what you're supposed to do in order to make sure that no one is left behind and that everyone stays together. Well, we were way behind and did not stay together with the group, so we fit the role perfectly. They would occasionally stop, give us time to catch up, but we would eventually fall back. We made it to the top, though, and enjoyed a few minutes there talking about the next hike. I took some more video footage and a few pictures, and then we made our way back down.
Speaker 1:The day was still cool, it was still morning, and afterwards, seven of us made our way to a local space to have breakfast together. Us made our way to a local space to have breakfast together, and the conversation that ensued was absolutely fantastic. It reminded me that this is how great friendships are born and then cultivated. So my wife and I left so delighted with our new friends and ready to start the day, because when we arrived home, it was barely noon. So I felt good about the time, and so I got busy on video editing and then later on dropped into our group chat for everyone to enjoy. It was a great morning and we're looking forward to more workouts, hikes and breakfast together. So it was wonderful and we're looking forward to spending more time with them. As a matter of fact, coming up on Friday, we will be hanging out with them at night for a birthday celebration from John, the guy who welcomed my wife and I into the group that first workout day, and so it's going to be cool to celebrate John, all right.
Speaker 1:So, as the saying goes, take a hike, all right. Well, let's move on to our talk this week. To tease it. Last week I started dropping compliments left and right. Well, let's move on to our talk this week. To tease it, last week I started dropping compliments left and right. Well, let's find out what that was all about today, as Dan Miller walks us through the power of compliments, or just a kind word.
Speaker 1:Dan Miller opens today's topic sharing a story about a time he and his wife were in Chicago during the Christmas season. I love reading this because just recently my wife and I were in Michigan and we had to fly into Chicago and then over the Great Lakes. And so, anyways, we had a guy sitting right next to us on the plane who lived in Chicago, was coming back from a business trip in California and was just telling us so many wonderful things about his city. So, anyways, dan, back to Dan. He tells us about this time that they were in Christmas. During Christmas season, they were in Chicago. They typically would use public transportation and they were doing that this time. Well, cab drivers can be erratic, he says, but this one time they had one who was surprisingly sane and careful, as Dan describes him. So he compliments him and this guy lit up grateful to Dan for the compliment. He even proceeded to ask Dan if he would write him a letter of recommendation, which Dan says he was happy to do and he did do.
Speaker 1:So Dan tells us that this was a reminder, this little experience. It was a reminder to him about how easy you can brighten someone's day, in this case by offering a heartfelt compliment. He goes on to ask us a great question Do you compliment those who provide you exemplary service? Incompetence is easy to find, we all are aware of that. So how do you react to excellent service? He also goes on to ask another question how would your own family members respond to a kind word or compliment today? I'm sure there are plenty of reasons to dish out compliments to those you love, so I'll mention this before going on. Dan Miller has a quote on the page here that states kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see, and that's by Mark Twain. So very well said, mr Twain.
Speaker 1:Well, in reading today's talk by Dan, the information he gives us there I'm it got me to thinking about my own experience with compliments in an educational setting and I want to share an article about the psychology of compliments. But before we get to that article, I want to share my own experience on the power of sharing a kind word or paying a compliment. This really was always a powerful experience for me as an educator. So I worked with the Puenta program for about 13 years. This is an academic program run through my English 1 and 2 classes. In other words, that would be 9th and 10th grade in high school here in California, and I would keep that cohort in my class for those two years. It was quite rewarding. Kids would come back their sophomore year knowing each other well and just no icebreakers were needed. They knew each other well. Well, I no longer teach with the Puente program, but I'm happy to see that it's still on campus doing some great work with students.
Speaker 1:So after back to these classes, after the second year with me, students would move into a variety of English classes in their third year, their junior year, based on my recommendation, that could be moving to honors English or an AP course or maybe a regular English class. Regardless, in that third year, wherever they were, we would get back together again. We'd put the team together again for a three-day trip up north in the Bay Area, that's, in California, and go visit some great universities up there in order to expose these students to college life further away from home, in the event that that would be what they would choose for themselves as post-secondary plans. In the parent-student meeting we would host to finalize details for this trip, we would find an excuse to separate the students and their parents, and the reason was that we would ask the parents, in that separation, to write a heartfelt letter to their son or their daughter that night in this meeting, writing whatever they wanted to share with them. That would make their son or daughter know how proud they were of them. That was the key. We know families are not perfect, so we would ask them to set all of that aside for this letter, to do this for their child, who at this point is only two years away from graduation, because this was early on in their junior year and they would have some important decisions to make about their post-secondary plans. So we would hand out stationery with envelopes and ask them to start. So there were the parents tasked to write a letter. Maybe, not having written a letter for a while or at all, it would get quiet. There were tears After a bit, sealed envelopes were gathered Different times. Some parents would take a little bit more time, but by the end of the evening we had them. Toward the end of the night, students and parents were reunited at this meeting and we had to make sure that parents didn't look like they'd been crying. That would give everything away. So we had our way of doing that.
Speaker 1:So fast forward to the early morning when we would meet in front of the school before driving off in the charter bus. So this might be a week or two after that meeting. Kids were dressed for the day because we were going to be traveling into a sunrise and begin our day on the road. However, even though they were dressed for the day, in the dark of early morning their outfits included plush toys, pillows, blankets wrapped around themselves. Some kids rushed out of bed, so their outfit was complete with bedhead. Final hugs were given between parents and children. The kids would leave their luggage curbside. Staff and bus driver would store these in the compartment below the bus.
Speaker 1:It was crucial to be sure at this time that we had a letter for each student who would board the bus for this trip. So this was a time to be sure that any letters that might have been outstanding, in case parents couldn't make that particular meeting, that they were given to us inconspicuously once students boarded the bus. So we had to make sure that there was one letter per student. It had to be that way. If, for whatever reason, one student did not have their letter, we would not do this exercise that I'm going to share with you next. Okay, so I'll cut to the chase On day three of our trip. At some other point I'll let you know more about what we did out there.
Speaker 1:It was wonderful, but on day three of our trip we were ready to return home, so that morning we'd find a private room or space in our hotel lobby that would hold us all yet give us some privacy. Then we would share with students part of what was actually happening in that parent-student meeting about two weeks before about the letter writing, and they would just kind of gasp, look at us like, okay, what's happening here? We had those looks all over the room and their eyes immediately were widened. Looks all over the room and their eyes immediately were widened. Their morning sleepiness would disappear and they would wait for us to extend our hand to them with the letter written by their parents. So we let them know the context where you guys were out there. Here's what we asked your parents to do, and we didn't tell them what to write, only that they would encourage you. Every single year we did this, tears would flow and students would finish their letters and just kind of stare into space, taking that moment in. It was powerful because we didn't know what was on the paper. We only knew that parents were encouraging their kids, complimenting their kids. That's all we asked them to do. So it was powerful every single time we did this. So we only asked them after that moment to take a moment on our drive back home which would be a $6 to $8 drive to take a piece of paper out of their notebooks and write a brief thank you letter back to their own parents. As you might imagine, some of those letters were a little bit more than brief. So this was the single most important moment of that trip. It was a moment when parents wrote compliments down on paper for their children to read the power of a compliment. Now, as much as I didn't want this trip to go too quickly, I could not wait for this particular moment on the last day. Really really cool stuff.
Speaker 1:Well, before we get to our time of application, let me share a little bit about the psychology behind compliments. I found this article aptly titled the Psychology Behind Compliments at psychologscom. It's pretty interesting stuff here, so let's take a look together. So I'm going to do some reading from the article here and then just kind of comment. They start off by saying that psychologists say that appreciation is foundational in our relationships, whether it's partners, parents, friends, coworkers. Compliments are the tools through which we communicate that appreciation. So they start off by that and then they let us know that they want in the article. What they want to go through is reasons why compliments are good, why people tend not to give others compliments, and how to give compliments better. There's a stat on the top here that says that 90% of people believe that they should compliment each other more often. Yet people shy away from expressing their appreciation and gratitude to others, and so in the article they're going to explain a little bit about why that's the case.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there's a few reasons why they say you know, not mood busters, mood boosters that it has a lifting effect mood lifting effect on not only the person getting the compliment, but the person that's being compliments. It just makes you feel good. So neuroscientists have shown they say that verbal affirmations light up the same areas of the brain as monetary rewards do. Isn't that interesting? And praising, gratitude by seniors can keep up morale, make the employees feel valued and mitigate the effects of stress on them. So really important that if you're in charge of others. Now, for me, this made me think a lot, because, as an educator, I got a class of students about 190 of them throughout the day and I just started thinking how can I be better at this? What can I do to be better about this? And so really, really interesting. So if you lead any people, including your family. This is great news right here. Giving out compliments are definite mood boosters. Next, they say they make for good icebreakers.
Speaker 1:Compliments are very effective as a conversation starter. Now no-transcript strategy to say I'm going to go in, I'm going to find something to compliment about. It says it establishes here in the article it establishes a positive connection between two people. I kind of like that. Right at the beginning you're able to click on that. They continue that a compliment can help you get over the awkward bump and resume conversation. That's helpful to me. They also say that compliments promote learning and they point out that this can be attributed to the classic psychological phenomenon of learning through positive reinforcement. We know the benefits of compliments Intuitively. They say it seems as if the world would be a much better place if everyone complimented each other just a bit more Okay, place of everyone complimenting each other just a bit more Okay. But then they pose this question then why do we not compliment people more often? That's a thing. So they want to go into those questions and here's some of the reasons.
Speaker 1:One underestimation of positivity. In an experiment, research recorded how people anticipated their compliment would make the receiver feel and how the receiver actually felt about receiving a compliment. It goes on to say that their findings indicated that often people tend to grossly underestimate the positive effects their compliments have on other people. They say that compliment givers tend to believe that the person would not enjoy the compliment or that it wouldn't have the effect that they think it would. But the receivers consistently reported that their day had been brightened after the compliment and they felt better than givers expected. So that's really, really important, okay, the other reason that we hesitate giving compliments is overestimation of the negativity. So we overestimate how negative the response might be. And so they say here in the article people also tend to avoid paying compliments to others because they feel that they'll make them feel uncomfortable or awkward. However, the experiment results showed that the compliment givers had drastically overestimated how bothered, uncomfortable or annoyed the receivers would feel, and the receivers received the compliment in a positive manner in most cases. So you know, don't overthink it. Basically, that would be it.
Speaker 1:So a third reason is that we don't give compliments is that there's anxiety about communication. So what do they mean by that? Well, when it comes to complimenting others, people tend to avoid it because the barrier is self-doubt. Man, I can relate to that. You might feel they say pessimistic and anxious about how you deliver the compliment and you might worry about if your delivery was awkward. But that's largely irrelevant, is what they state. Usually they go on here in the article. Usually the message that you convey matters more and leaves the receiver in a better mood. Isn't that great? So just kind of think of it from their perspective and not so much what we think about ourselves delivering this information.
Speaker 1:A fourth reason they give why we tend not to compliment is the fear of devaluation. This is interesting to me. Note what they say here. So the fear of devaluation of the compliment. So they go on in this article.
Speaker 1:There's also a common belief among people that repeatedly complimenting others will diminish the value of the compliment and it would become less and less appreciated each time it is given. In my mind, that kind of makes sense. I would think that, but they continue on with a big old. However, however, studies have found this to be untrue. Much like how you need food and nutrition every day to replenish your body, you also need compliments to replenish your mind. Affirmations are a recurring need and, contrary to popular belief, receivers feel the positivity of compliments each time similarly. Isn't that interesting. That's really good to know the next time you're doubting about giving a compliment. So finally, after going through that, they say well, okay, so let's practice with this.
Speaker 1:How can we give better compliments? Number one they say look at compliments from the receiver's point of view. A strategy to overcome the bias that your compliments might make the other feel uncomfortable, or you might end up being awkward is to put yourself in the receiver's shoes and imagine how the compliment would make them feel. This can allow you to focus on conveying warmth instead of being worried about the manner in which you would deliver the compliment. I like that a lot. Just kind of put yourself in their shoes.
Speaker 1:The second one is truly important. So, as an educator, this one really caught my attention and it's this be sincere, okay. Now there's some kids that if I knew that, I'd compliment them because it would have some positive effect on them. When I first think of some of these kids, the ones that really, really make me earn my money, it's like I don't know what I can say to them. Now, there are some things, I can find some things, but they'd have to be sincere. So here's what they say. Number two be sincere Although. So here's what they say. Number two be sincere.
Speaker 1:Although it is nice to call somebody's shoes pretty, even if you don't actually find them nice, sometimes people can recognize when a compliment is insincere. Yeah, that would be awful. They go on. Try to compliment people on what you actually feel about them. Also, pay attention to specific things about them and compliment on those things. Okay, it makes people feel appreciated. They go on about things they have put an effort into. So, instead of telling someone how nice they look, instead tell them what part of their appearance appeals to you. Okay, so I thought that was quite interesting. Uh, there is some science behind this, and so there it is. There you go.
Speaker 1:I think it's's important that we start to be better at complimenting, but do it in a way that will benefit the others by being sincere. Let's not doubt ourselves too much when we are thinking of delivering a compliment. All right, well, let's wrap this up and move into the application of Dan Miller's wisdom. This is the most important part of our time together, so do your best with this. Get your writing utensils out, digital or otherwise. Let's do this. So, in today's application, dan asks us to ponder this question what are three things you can do today to brighten the life of someone you meet Now, because of the context of our time together today, make these three things compliments. What are three things that you can compliment others on? Remember those things we just talked about. One of them is just be sincere about it, because people can sniff that out Now. An act of kindness can go a long way too. But try and work compliments into what you're gonna do with this and let's just see how you will change someone's day.
Speaker 1:What about you, jimmy? What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a fireman. I want to be a doctor. How about you, sally? I want to be a teacher. And you, tony? I want to be a sidewalk man. Wait, what A sidewalk man. That's right, a sidewalk man.
Speaker 1:Next week, dan Miller will tell us why that ambition is not one to be dismissed. We'll see why next week. In the meantime, let's get to the quote. Let me send you off with that. Here it is. It's not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well. That's coming to us from Rene Descartes. That's it. That's the quote. Think about it, act on it.
Speaker 1:Have an amazing week, friends, and thanks again for hanging out and for forgiving me for dropping this one just a little bit late. Let's do this again next week on time. Thank you for listening. If you found this time together useful, please consider following this podcast and leaving an excellent rating. If you feel you can't do that yet, please reach out to me and let me know what I can do to get you to leave a top rating. If you are already excited about what you've heard, please consider sharing this podcast with a friend. I really would appreciate it. Also, I'd love your feedback, both on today's topic as well as what you'd like to hear me address in the future. I would really appreciate that input. Again, I'm your host, isaac Sanchez. I hope today's thought serves you the way it has served me. Remember your next move is just one inside away. Have an amazing rest of your day. I'll see you next time.