How Men Reclaim Their Home, Health & Happiness w/ Mitch Osmond

Strength as a father had less to do with muscles—and everything to do with resilience.

In this episode, Oscar sits down with Mitchell Osmond, founder of Dad Nation Podcast and a coach who helps high-performing men reclaim their home, health, and happiness without sacrificing career success.

Mitchell shares his powerful personal story of rebuilding his life, restoring his marriage, and learning how true strength is found in resilience, accountability, and emotional connection.

Together, they unpack what it means to stop drifting in marriage, get off autopilot in fatherhood, and model the kind of strength our daughters will one day recognize in the relationships they choose.

If you’ve ever felt disconnected at home while still winning professionally, this conversation will hit home.

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Podcast

Complimentary Strategy Session

00:00 Choose Your Hard

00:53 Podcast Welcome

01:07 Meet Mitch Osmond

02:09 Coaching Mission Today

03:36 Two Turning Points

05:31 Funeral Wake Up Call

06:49 Rebuilding in 18 Months

09:41 Six Months to Prove It

12:13 Iron Five Accountability

16:39 Advice Before Marriage

18:46 Turning Pain to Purpose

20:12 Redefining Strength

22:44 Resilience Over Excuses

24:04 Willpower Brain Growth

27:44 Model Strength for Kids

29:49 Marriage Autopilot Trap

31:54 Divorce Stats and Disconnection

33:12 Needs Seen Heard Secure

35:19 Respect and Competence

41:03 Programs and Free Resources

44:31 Time Is the Currency

45:30 Final Thanks and Subscribe

Key themes: resilience, marriage, accountability, emotional intelligence, fatherhood, legacy, and leading with strength at home.

Guest Disclaimer:

The views and opinions expressed on this podcast are solely those of the guests. They do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the host, any organizations, companies, or institutions mentioned, or corporate entities represented by the host.

Our aim is to provide a platform for diverse perspectives and open dialogue. While we strive for accuracy and balance, it's important to recognize that opinions may vary. We encourage critical thinking and further exploration of the topics discussed.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:46

In my experience as a coach, uh a one area that I think that men often miss the mark is that they are searching for easy around every corner. We live in a world where we get everything at our fingertips, and this idea of being okay with adversity is more rare than ever. Working a nine to five is hard, but being an entrepreneur is hard, right? Being out of shape and overweight is hard. Being in shape is hard, right? Having a great marriage is hard, takes a lot of work. Divorce is also hard. The reality is here, Oscar, is that every single thing is difficult. And as men, we're built for adversity. And so it is our responsibility as men, husbands, and fathers to not back away from that adversity, but to lean in because we, of all people in our families, we're the ones that are designed to handle the weight.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Welcome to the Daughter Podcast, where fathers become everyday heroes in their daughters' lives. Grow, evolve, and lead with love. Here's your host, Oscar Pinya.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Daughter Podcast. Oscar here, your fellow growing girl dad. Today with a guest that I've been trying to get on the show for a while, but we have had this thing called life that gets uh gets a vote. But today I'm excited to have Mitch Osman on the show. So, Mitch, man, how are you today? Thank you for being with us.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Dude, Oscar, I would just want to say thank you for having me on the show, man. I I'm looking forward to having this conversation. I would I would echo the same man. I've been looking forward to uh just chatting with you and your listeners today. I know it's gonna be a powerful conversation. Uh, I'm doing well and I'm ramped up and ready to go, bro.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Doing well, uh, busy, and oh, by the way, expecting another child, right? So congratulations on that.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Thank you. Thank you. We're excited.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

Before we get started on where we're going today, give the the listeners and the viewers a little bit about Mitch. Um, a little bit about your background, what you're doing nowadays, and really how you got to be where you're at.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

That's a great place to start. Um, so what do I do today? Well, I am a high performance coach. So I coach career-driven men uh how to reclaim their home, their health, and their happiness without sacrificing their career success. So a lot of the men that I work with are like when I say career-driven, I mean they've they've seen success professionally. They're dominating at work but feeling disconnected at home. So when I say home health and happiness, home is really the key relationships, your relationship with your wife, your relationship with your kids. When I say health, I'm talking about your nutrition, your exercise, you know, all that stuff. And then when I talk about happiness, we talk about emotional intelligence, we talk about our mindset, uh the limiting self-beliefs, the self-sabotage or how to kick bad habits, how to form great ones. So, really, those are the three markers for me that I've seen that when men see success in those areas, every other part of their lives tend to get elevated as well. So that's what I do today. I also am uh the founder of the Dad Nation podcast, and that's a top 5% show globally. And we do that's what we talk about, man. All the things that would challenge you as a man, husband, and father in 2026. I bring on um, you know, tons of uh industry experts on different topics all the way from business to uh fatherhood, finances, marriage, uh, anything else in between, man. So it's a ton of fun. Um, that's what I do today. And um, and so how did I get into this? Well, I mean it's a bit of a long story, but let me give you the the cliff notes here. Um really my story begins, man. I I really had two turning points. Okay, a lot of people ask me that. What was that? What was the turning point for you? What was that catalytic moment? Well, for me, you know, the first one was I want you to picture for a moment. Um, me and my wife were sitting on the couch in our living room, and we were about married for about three years, and we had a big fight. Um, so the first one was a fight, the second point was a funeral. The fight started out about me being not present or something like that, and then I went into money struggles and a bunch of different other things. And it we it really hit a low point when I I was talking to her because I wanted to have kids, and uh, and I had come from dysfunction and a and a ton, which I'll talk about a little bit later. And she looked at me, she was like, Are you kidding me? Um I would never I would never bring a child into this marriage that wouldn't be fair to them. I had this moment of like, what? Like total shell shock. I thought things were okay, right? Um, and she began to express her discontentment. Man, we were so close to divorce, and I'll tell you, man, it was a huge fight. And then the next week after that, each day when I came home, I didn't know if that was going to be the day that I walked home and found the ring on the counter with the note. You know, it was a brutal time of my life. Um, now to give you some background, I was let go of a leadership position. I'd always been in senior leadership positions, and us as men, our identity is wrapped around what we do, right? And so when I got let go, man, my life spiraled. I found myself 60 pounds overweight. We were a hundred grand in debt. Um, I was medicating daily with alcohol and drugs, trying to cope with the life that I had created. And now we I was dangerously close to divorce and losing my wife. So I'm going through this. Then the next turning point happened seven days later. Okay, I get invited to sing at the at the funeral of this very wealthy man. He was a philanthropist. And as I was strapping on my guitar, getting ready to sing the last song, I overheard the minister ask the the crowd in the room, this is about 2,000 people. It was a huge memorial service. After sharing all the things that this man had done, he he looked at the crowd and he said, Are you living a life worthy of imitation? If you were to die today, would you be proud of the legacy that you left? Wow. And Oscar, for me at that point, I could barely choke at the lyrics to the last song because all I could think, as I'm looking at the casket of this other man, I'm faced with the legacy that I'm gonna leave. And all I could think was, man, if this were my funeral today, no one in this room would be saying, I want a marriage like he had, I want to imitate his, you know, the way he loved his kids, the the finances he had, his health. No one would have said that. They would at that point they would have said, man, he had a hard life, and it ended before he had a chance to turn it around. It was sad, man. So I went home that day determined to die to the man that I knew that I that I was in order to become the man that I knew I needed to be for my wife and then for hopefully my future children one day. And so, long story short, um, I surrounded myself with a community of men, mentors of mine, that my my ceiling was their floor. Okay. These guys were living where I wanted to go. And within about 18 months, a year and a half, we paid off the hundred grand of debt, completely restored our marriage. I lost the 60 pounds, packed on muscle, and then uh was clean of distractions and substances. Complete 180, dude. But because I was always in these public positions, people around me started asking questions. Man, what did you do? How did you do that? So I just started helping friends of mine for years, man. I I would be building workout plans, I'd be building budget sheets for them to get out of debt. I'd be helping my buddies get closer to the wives until one of my mentors said to me, Hey man, if you really want to have an impact, you need to start a podcast and share your story with the world. So, two years ago, I launched the Dad Nation podcast. Within six months, we had listeners all around the world, and that's when I got questions about coaching. And I had men listening and said, Would you help me with what I'm going through? And I'm a big fan of Ed Milet. I heard this on his podcast a while ago. He said, You were the most qualified to help the person you used to be. Yeah. And so what I started to do, man, I hired a bunch of coaches and I I created my coaching practice. And then within another six months, I'd scale that to a six-figure coaching practice, helping men that I used to be, helping them restore their marriages, um, lose the weight, man, get just get connected with their kids on a whole different level, show up powerfully at home and win at home as much as they did at work. So that's my story, man. That's how I got here.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

That's uh that's incredible, man, and and powerful what you're doing for other men, because you're absolutely right. You are the most qualified to help the person that you were. Right. Um, one of the reasons this show started is one of the major reasons is almost uh similarly looking at the person that I was as a father to my daughter to the person that I am now. Um I wish I could go back to that dude and like you know, hit Muss out of the head and and get him to realize a couple of things. So absolutely, man. The work that you're doing though, similar to I think how I got to it, is is the proverbial knock to the head. Like at some point, something hits you that says either you change or something will change you. And normally that something will make it a negative thing, right? Like you can put in um addiction or or substance. I mean, you can put substance in there, you can put in other stuff, but if you don't choose to change, something will change because change is the only inevitable thing other than whatever death and taxes, whatever they say, right? And when when you went back from that funeral, what was the conversation like? Was there a conversation, or was it like I'm internalizing and I'm gonna get to work? With my wife?

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Yep. Uh please don't leave. No, here's the thing, man. I made promises that I couldn't keep. I didn't know how to be a good man. My dad was an alcoholic. I came from drugs, uh, abuse, trauma, crime. I mean, it was littered all throughout my childhood. I had no idea how to love and cherish a woman. Right? I made a lot of mistakes. I wrote I wrote checks I couldn't cash. My wife was duped. I made a lot of promises at the altar. And then when we got married, it was like psych, you know. And when my I when my when my career crashed, my identity crashed with it. Right. Which is what happens to so many men. Yeah. And so it was the boy cried wolf, man. I had said I'll change, I'll change, and never changed, and never changed, and never changed. She lost confidence in the relationship. She lost confidence in me. She lost confidence in my leadership. I mean, she so when I came home, I said, I'm I'm gonna change, I'm gonna be different. She's like, Okay, I'll leave when I see it. So what I said was, hey, give me six months. Give me six months, and if you don't see a change in me, you can leave. You know, obviously you can leave now, but but honestly, I will not, I'll not, I won't come running after you. Yeah, I'll accept it. But if within six months you see change in me, will you be willing to commit for the long haul? I promise I'll turn it around. So she graciously said yes, and we we continued on the journey, and it was not smooth. Right. I battled demons. Um, but man, that was that was ten years ago, and um, it's just been an incredible journey since.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

Yeah, I think the answer to this is clear, but in your words, like what amount of accountability needed to happen at that moment of action? So the decision was made, but then action starts, right? Like there's so many things to be accountable for for yourself, and that's something that I work on as much as possible, right? Like owning everything in my world so that I can be accountable for it, so that I can adjust for it. What did that look like for you in the action phase?

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Yeah, man. Well, here's the thing. Um, I I had lots of great intentions. I mean, that's the thing with man, is we always have great intentions, but yeah, intention without action means nothing, they're just broken promises. And so for me, it was like I need to get men around me that are gonna hold me accountable because I got all kinds of ideas, but if I'm not accountable to anybody, nothing's gonna happen. Otherwise, it's Einstein's definition of success, you know, trying to, you know, doing the same thing and expecting a different result, right? And so what I did was I surrounded myself with men, like I was saying in the beginning. Now, what I did was I looked at the areas of my life where I needed help physically, in my marriage, spiritually, financially, you know, in a bunch of different ways. And I and honestly, man, it was literally this simple. I looked at my life, my social circle, and I said, Who's who's the most jacked dude I know? Who's got the best marriage? Who's got the most money, right? Who's got the best relationship with God? You know, because I'm a person of faith. Right. And I looked at those five men and I reached out to them, and um and I said, Hey, you're obviously doing something right in this area of your life. I got a lot of respect for you. Would you be willing to show me what you did, how you did it? I'll I'll buy you a beer, I'll buy you a coffee once a month. Just would you be willing to share that with me? And these men happily did so. It this was so powerful that I actually created a framework around this that I encourage all my one-to-one clients to have. And it's called the Iron Five. So every man has their five men that are surrounding them. And then I created my own coaching community of men that we rally around one another. But for me, the big thing was accountability. Um, that made the big difference. Um, because that's the thing, man. Uh, we get stuck in cycles, we get stuck in traps, and and we relive the same year over and over and over again. And so many of us don't have the courage to step out and ask for support, ask for mentorship, ask for accountability. And and in my experience with men, number one, that's why we end up on calls in the first place, is because they've never had accountability, they've never had mentorship. And then when they become in to get into the programs, that's the one thing that causes them to stay on track, right? Because you got to think you're you're rewiring, it's called neuroplasticity. You're rew rewiring the way you think, the kinds of decisions you make, right? Like everything. And you have to have support in that. Otherwise, you're just gonna self-sabotage. I did it for years, right? And it does not change until you're ready to take that step. Does that make sense? Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 16:05

You can only lead a horse to water, exactly. And then from there, what are you gonna do? Drown it, try to make a drink, it just doesn't work. Nope. Um, one thing I love about that is that the more and more that I've been able to grow, and particularly in conversations uh on the show, right? The more and more I learned that accountability is how do I put this is a masculinity trait, or maybe I should say is a trait that good masculine men have, is what I should say. Right. That's not to say that women don't have accountability, obviously, humans need accountability, whether it's self andor that group of people. But when I'm looking at this conversation now, and I'm thinking about what you're saying, and I'm thinking of me, because every time that I get on an episode, I try to reflect on me first, and now it kind of makes sense. I'm trying to reach the guy that I was before, didn't think of that, didn't put it in that concept, but it came to a point where I realized I was not being accountable to myself for the things I wanted to do. And in in your work, you talk a lot about quiet masculinity, the the things we have to get done as men to be better men, right? And the accountability part just kind of screams out to me in what you're saying is not only do you have to be accountable, but finding ways to continue to be accountable, finding the men around you, the community around you that will keep you accountable and give you something to strive for. So when I look at this, I start thinking of young Mitch, younger Mitch. How long have you been married? I think we said ten years. Nine ten years. That dude right before marriage, like what would you tell him right before marriage?

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yeah, I would say uh don't don't have so much ego that you think that you can do this alone. Right? Don't don't be so arrogant to think that you have nothing to learn. Yeah. Um understand that you are fundamentally wired differently than your spouse. And if you don't get along, doesn't mean she's broken, doesn't mean you're broken. It just means you it just means you need new tools, right? Yeah, so have the courage, have the humility to reach out and learn those tools, to learn um those strategies. Because, bro, it took me way too long to learn that lesson. And I risk losing everything, right? And that's and like you said, that's it's all I do as well, man, is I help the guy that I used to be. And that's the beautiful thing about this journey is when you're working with mentors, they collapse the amount of time it takes to learn something. And it's like, well, yeah, if I had my time back, I would have hired a coach on day one, you know, because I would have learned 10, I would have learned a decade of lessons in probably six months. Yep. And I would have felt a lot less pain, right? Yeah, so that's probably what I'd say to my my younger self.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

Yeah. It's unfortunate that you had to go through that process, but it obviously has you sitting where you are now. And to to dismiss that process, I think would be weird, right? Because it's made you the person that you are. And and uh I think the saying is like you have to be able to you have to make mistakes in order to create wisdom towards the end, but the wisdom only comes when you've when you're ready to actually learn from all those things.

SPEAKER_01 20:02

Yeah, man, that's the crazy thing about challenge and adversity. Um, you know, uh Oscar, I can remember writing in my journal when I was, you know, a year in a marriage, and I would be, and I I still have the journal. I would write things like, Did I marry the wrong woman? Where did I go wrong? What did I do to deserve this life? Oh man. And because I'm a person of faith, I was all the questions were always going to God. Why did you let me do this? I thought you had a plan for my life, right? Bro, I was angry, and but I had no support, right? But here's the here's the crazy thing. That thing that at one point felt like a curse has become the one thing that has helped me not just change my life, but helped them help thousands of men transform their lives. If it were not for that, and even going back even further from that, if it were not for my dysfunctional upbringing, my alcoholic father, you know, the abuse in my home, perhaps I wouldn't be here today. Maybe I'd be some entitled little jerk who had everything handed to him. Right. But I had to face all that stuff so I could learn that hard lesson, so that I could then in turn use it, turn that trash into treasure, and help so many other men. And so because of that, I'm thankful. I'm thankful for every moment of it. Now I wasn't in the moment, but I sure am now, right?

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Well, and it takes so much strength, right? Let's let's just be real. Like it takes strength to be able to not only take the beating of whatever life has given you, but then to swallow that ego after the beating in order to learn from the beating to then get to where you are. Yeah, and that's something that I think we I don't think the word is dismissed, but I think it just doesn't get caught enough is strength. And it's and you know for us, we I want to be a stronger, more mindful, more present father. What does strong mean? I can tell you the first thing that pops into my head is I can deadlift some weights. Awesome. You're strong. I can pick up my kids, I can pick up my wife if I need it. I'm a uh protector that way. One thing I've learned is that strength is so much more than that, and you are essentially a prime example of that. You're looking at everything that you have been able to go through, and then looking at the things that you've been able to accomplish, all of that took strength. And in your work, how do you discuss strength with men? Because I know you're not just being like, all right, just go lift some weights, you're strong, let's move on. Right? Because I I've I've listened to your work. It's not just it's not just that. What is what is it that strength looks like to you and to the men you're working with?

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Yeah, that's a that's a great question. Um, and I it's so much larger than physical strength, uh physically, sorry, it's emotional, it's psychological, it's relational strength. Uh you know, I would I would say uh resilience for me is a word that that I would categorize, you know, with strength. Um, because you can be strong in other in some areas, weak in others. You can you can be I've seen a lot of weak bodybuilders, meaning they got lots of muscles, but they don't know how to hold it down without losing their mind on their kids. They're weak emotionally, right? And so the big thing that I talk a lot about is can you get back up? Will you get back up when it gets hard? The question is not are you going to get knocked down? Oh hell yeah you're going to get knocked down right as well who has said that you know Mike Tyson everyone's got a plan until they get punched in the face. That's right. Absolutely right we all got plans. We all got intentions but what do you do when you get knocked down and the strongest men get back up no matter what they have a big blow up with their wife they don't peace out and take the easy way they go back in and they work it out. They snap at their kids they don't they don't ignore them and not apologize. They pursue their children and exercise humility. The strongest men I know they might miss a day in the with their diet or their exercise but they better believe they're not going to miss two. They get back on the horse. You know and for me I think that this idea of resilience paired with consistency is the two most valuable assets you can have as a man. And that's where I see such a lack in in so many men today is is they may be resilient for a month, two months, but then they don't necessarily consistent in that. Or they might be consistent but not necessarily resilient. Meaning they're consistent in the easy stuff but when they get knocked over that's it. You know what I mean? They're consistent with video gaming they're consistent with Netflix. They're consistent with scrolling TikTok but not in anything that means anything. You know and so it's really interesting man because there's a as a part of the brain structure I'm I just totally lost on me the name of it and I was literally on a podcast last week talking about this. So the name that the the actual technical name of the brain structure I'll I'll remember and let you know. But what it is is they've discovered that when people face difficult things uncomfortable things that they do not want to do that part of the brain structure grows right so people who have seen uh adversity people who have overcome challenges for example Olympic athletes um people who've overcome a lot of trauma uh this part of the brain uh grows now what the crazy thing is is when you stop doing the things stop uh challenging yourself with things that make you uncomfortable that part of the the the brain structure actually begins to shrink and in situations where they they've done brain scans on people who were say obese or um who who really don't maybe push themselves and exercise or they live a relatively comfortable life. That part of the brain structure is so small. And so what neurologists have come up with and and these I mean this is just the last maybe 10 years of neurology is what they're understanding now is they're closely tying um your willpower to like you want to grow your willpower what we've seen your brain actually physically grows when you engage in doing difficult things right that are uncomfortable. So the key to growing your willpower is to continue doing things that make you uncomfortable continue to face adversity. And so when I say when I say are you a strong man really what I'm asking you is are you resilient? Will you get back up? And will you consistently get back up and in my experience is those men, those husbands, those fathers that come hell or high water I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they're going to get back up. Those are the men that do great things in life the men who lay down and stay there or make excuses why they can't get back up and then they start blaming their wives while they're still laying down or blaming the kids or blaming their dad or blaming their whoever those are the men that that really don't amount to much. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 27:33

Yeah yeah absolutely uh hippocampus I think is what you were talking about. Anterior mid-singulate cortex oh Samsonite that's what it was the anterior mid-singulate cortex you could google it yeah but that it's a small part of the brain that continues to grow as you uh face adversity you're so spot on and it seems more and more apt in this current day and age where everything is relatively easy right I mean shoot man you didn't you didn't have to leave your house to go get food yeah now I'm not even talking about fast food like groceries will show up at your front door um and it takes intentionality to be able to put yourself in hard situations to be able to grow that part of the brain to be able to continue to be better and to be able to teach that to your children not by words but by action and that's the thing is that being strong means so much but ultimately it's what are you teaching your children about what strong looks like and it's that get up it's the hard thing it's the day in day day in day out stuff it's the little stuff that ultimately shows the most lessons well and here's the thing Oscar you can't just tell your kids to be strong and they're gonna be strong.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

Yeah right kids do not do they're not they're not always gonna do what you say but you better believe they're gonna do what you do right or they're watching yeah and you know this but I say this all the time man you know I got a lot of clients who they have they they have daughters so I you know I'll usually say to them listen statistically we know it's true that your your daughter will grow up to crave the attention and affection of a man just like you will grow up and be drawn to the kind of marriage that you have because that's the familiar right I I see this in clients all the time I see this in my life my sister grew up married an alcoholic. Why dad was an alcoholic she divorced him guess who else she married another alcoholic she that's just the way it is right and so if you want a if you want your daughter to bring a great man home one day you have to model that greatness so that she can recognize it when she sees it in other men. And if you have a son we know statistically it's true there's a high probability that he will grow up to become the man that you are today. Right. And so when we have conversations about leveling up and get you know facing difficult things and facing adversity or even when I get on calls with guys who maybe want to join my program you know a lot of the conversation is around like hey man if you don't have the courage to do this for you do it for your children. Right. Because that's the best way to set them up for success is to let them watch let them watch you transform your life and that is going to be the thing that moves the needle for them. Not you sitting on the couch lecturing them telling to go to the gym while you're eating MMs and watching Netflix. That's not how it works.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

No it really isn't I mean it's it's it's that it's that simple and the word or the phrases it's simple not easy exactly right but it is that simple it's it's what they're looking at is what they're going to ultimately think is the norm. What I really like about what you're doing too is is just the the work with men in their relationship with their with their wives. I think it's so so important I've been married for over 22 years now. Wow and it's not been a cakewalk to say the least right but her and I my wife and I we kind of grew up together because we got married young but we were with each other only for eight and a half years and so but that was before the kids got to us and man it is it is a it is work and the thing is it's so easy to check out and this is something that you had mentioned in I don't know if it was your podcast episode or it was a video but you were talking about the checkout mode like where we can so easily check out and go into autopilot right I have been on autopilot in my marriage I can tell you that where it's just like that well this is what we do this is uh another day and man I I don't I don't know how close we ever got to a divorce because I don't think it ever came up but we I don't never know right like she might she might know and I may not know but when we're looking at men in the relationship and having the strength to do the hard thing in the relationship that's something you talk a lot about is how to I mean obviously through your experience how to push through that to make sure that you're not on autopilot because once you get on autopilot that creates those bad habits that also get on autopilot and then the ball starts rolling downhill obviously I'm a I'm a father of daughters so I want to show that but man it is so easy to go on autopilot. How do you maneuver that with men that are that are reaching out to you?

SPEAKER_01 33:06

Yeah that's a great that's a great question thanks for asking Oscar and well let me let me let me share some stats with you that that will really set the tone for this conversation um we know in the US today that seven out of every ten divorces are initiated by women. Right but here's the crazy thing is when you dig into the stats in situations where the wife is a is a high earner or has a high education that number actually jumps to ninety percent so in many situations nine out of ten marriages and in divorce and um nine out of ten times the divorce happens it is initiated by the women now another crazy thing is 80% of the time the main reason cited for divorce is not what everyone thinks it is. It's not cheating it's not abuse not money not sex not kids it is emotional disconnection and so let's look at this for example for for a moment we have you know some situations where 70% some situations up to 90% of in marriages the divorce is initiated by women the main reason is emotional disconnection meaning they feel like they don't feel like a priority they don't feel understood they don't feel like they feel like they married a robot right and so the bulk of my work when I work with men in their marriages is helping them understand their own emotions to communicate those emotions but also how to hold space for their wives' emotions and to increase their emotional intelligence so that their wife can feel seen to feel heard to feel secure right because when you can meet your wife's emotional needs bro your marriage will be set fire in the best way possible. Right and so that's where we do a lot of the groundwork and you'll notice on Instagram that's what a lot of my posts are about being when I say being present that's what I'm talking about. You know when she's talking about her day you know a lot so a lot of times when when you when uh when you come home you know your wife might talk about she had a hard day with the kids or she might have had a got into an argument with her sister or you know fill in the blank with whatever it is. Now a lot of mistakes men make as they come home and rightfully so masculine men especially are are driven by uh fixing things strategy by building by you know being on purpose mission all those things we get paid well to do it we you know we got eight 10 12 hours a day strategizing fixing solving we come home what's the first thing we do when our wife starts talking about um a hard day well we try and shove a strategy down her throat right and we start treating her like an employee or a staff member or a colleague where she's like well whoa I don't want you to fix it. But then what happens? Well we get defensive what do you mean you want why you what I'm just trying to help I'm just trying well you said you wanted help and then you start feeling disrespected because you're you had a long day too you finally muster up the energy to like engage in our conversation with her and she shut you down like she she didn't want to hear your advice and so the thing is here Oscar I promise I'm gonna get to your point um but uh a woman's three basic needs are to feel seen to feel heard and to feel secure but a lot of that to meet those three needs is a lot about emotions right that a man's two greatest needs are to feel respected and to feel competent. You want to crush a man disrespect him make him feel incompetent in his career or as a husband right and that's that's what happens in a situation like what I just explained where a wife you know a man finally tries to make that connection right and then she starts getting upset and then he begins to feel incompetent.

SPEAKER_04 36:59

Right.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

She's not feeling seen or heard and so what happens then is we start the drift and and women start to lean into other areas where they get those needs to be loved and and be you know appreciated and get the affection so she leans into the children. Men turn into work because we as society we're valued by our what we do but then also where do we get respect work. Where do we feel competent? Work. Right. And so we start to spiral in in it you know in different directions and we start to live parallel lives and we start to like this is what happens what I call we we start feeling like roommates sharing rings right and so the the the biggest thing like if I could talk to every single man in the world and say one thing it would be that and and here is a quick fix. So for you to have that conversation with your wife and to say hey honey what does it look like for me to make you feel more seen what does it look like to make you feel more heard what does it look like to make you feel more secure and then for her to say honey what does it look like to make you feel more competent what does it look like to make you feel more respected right and if you can meet her needs to feel seen her secure and she can meet your needs to feel respected and competent bro your marriage will will drastically improve but this is what happens right or or maybe in a situation where she you know you come home from work or whatever and she's talking to you maybe you don't fix it. The other thing a guy might do is scroll on his phone or watch the sport or watch the game on TV or he's not fully listening. It's like she married a a robot my wife said that to me she was like you're a robot like I I'm not even comfortable talking to you about my emotions because you don't have any and every time I talk to you exactly every time I talk to you it makes me feel like I'm super emotional and like I'm crazy for thinking this. Right? And and so but but understand we're wired on a fundamentally different level. And so if you can ask your wife that and if we have more time we could break down that scene her secure model but um but that would be a huge starting point. And I guarantee you if you ask her those three questions she's gonna have answers for all three.

SPEAKER_04 39:23

Right.

SPEAKER_01 39:23

Because it might feel strange for you to use that language because it feels like unfamiliar in your mouth because men we're just we're not used to that kind of language but it feels natural for her and she probably thinks about this every single day. And so she's gonna she's gonna tell you so approach her with humility and have that conversation and don't be afraid to ask her you know tell her about your need to feel competent right so for example when I was talking to my wife you know I said you know to her I was like you know what the most encouraging thing you can do to me for me is not is not say I love you. It's actually to say I believe in you or you're such a great dad or man you're you're such a powerful leader. I can live on that for months bro right yeah and this is a common misconception that women have is because they think well my husband needs to be more loved. He needs to feel I need to tell him I love him more no he doesn't I've I've asked a room of you know a few hundred men raise your hand if you if you would rather hear uh I love you or I respect you. 99% of the room is going to raise their hand that they would rather hear I respect you than I love you. And so if a man can communicate that to his wife and she can also then start thinking about how to come alongside him and respect him and make him feel competent man he'll he'll he will uh bend over backwards you know to to make her feel seeing her and safe but that's what happens dude so many guys feel disrespected and they feel incompetent and then they they're and not to mention society and and the the the noise and media and and the feminist movement that has said you know you know there's no place for men in the world anymore. We don't need you. So we're already confused. Yeah right so anyways I'm ranting but that that that would be an answer for you yeah the question you asked 10 minutes ago.

SPEAKER_03 41:12

No but it's it's a it's a very good point and and it even translates and I'm just talking on my experience right those words that intent also translates to my daughters.

SPEAKER_01 41:22

Yes when I say those things to my daughters they always have an answer yes and sometimes the answers I don't expect it's just there uh and to have that emotional strength as you mentioned to not only figure out my own emotions and how we use them in a day-to-day basis or situationally but also to be able to carry my wife's emotions in a situation and then my daughter's emotions it's I I I'm saying it because that's what I'm working towards because it is not an easy task right it is not an easy task but that's what we're working towards but man I can sit here and we can keep on pontificating a bunch on this stuff um but I know that we we're running out of time please give us a little bit of information on the work that you're doing and when where it could be found uh for for folks to be able to find you quickly yeah thank you for asking Oscar uh well like you said I I've got the podcast the Dad Nation podcast right um if you just google the dad nation you'll see my face plastered around everywhere so you'll you'll find your way to me um but if you're listening to this and this has resonated you know and and you're the kind of guy who you feel like you've been like I said dominating professionally but feeling disconnected personally you know uh maybe you come home and and your your marriage has grown boring right maybe you feel like you're just uh you've shifted from soulmates to roommates uh maybe you packed on a little bit extra weight you know uh because you've been busy building your business or you're a high level leader and time has been an issue or you're feeling disconnected from your kids you know you want you you feel like you're operating at a five out of ten or a six out of ten you want to go to a 10 out of 10. Well if if any of that stuff is resonating with you as you're listening I I built a community specifically for men like that. It's called the High Performance Husband and we have an accelerated program that's a 12 month program where you can join this community of men and it's it's coaching a year of mentorship with me and there's a program called the High Performance Husband Training Program which we hit every single pillar of what we talked about how to reclaim your home your health and happiness it's all about fitness marriage fatherhood mindset emotions all that stuff and we spend the year together turn your life upside down and uh if that's if that's a a step you want to take then be happy to have that conversation I'll give you I'll give you the link to uh book a call but uh also there's something called the connection code which I'd love to give your listeners today it's a free gift okay and this is just 50 questions to spark the fun and get the fire back. When we talk about this emotional connection piece this is designed to help you engage your wife in conversation and help her unravel emotionally help you feel connected to her it's 50 questions um we cover everything from like your dreams to you know just fun stuff silly questions like uh intimate questions there's questions there to like turn up the heat you know like all that stuff bro um and so you can download that for free um I'll give you the link to it it's just a PDF to take and uh I mean that's what I built for my one-to-one clients and I had so many men um being like man this has been a game changer because we do we we plan a date and then we go out and then we're stumped we don't know what questions to ask so we we go back to the yeah uh how was work yes how was the kids how'd you sleep and then you're done right so it's it's it is incredible. I've had women come back and email me and be like who was that man that took me out last night yeah it's cool I've never felt so connected and so that is a quick that's a hack you know so free for your listeners today yeah we're gonna have all those links uh for you guys in the show notes also if you look at the pod roll underneath our show you'll be able to see

SPEAKER_03 45:16

Uh the uh Dad Nation uh podcast on there as well as one of our podcasts that we listen to because we do, man Mitch, uh I appreciate you so much for coming on here, giving us a little bit of your time. Um, you got a lot going on, and then you uh gave me a little bit of this uh time with us. So thank you so much for doing that. Really appreciate your insight and your perspective on the things that a lot of us just need to keep working on. And um can't thank you enough for being with us, brother.

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Thank you, Oscar. You know, if you don't mind, I'll just leave your listeners with this one quote that has really resonated with me, and it's this time is the only currency that we spend without knowing the remaining balance. Yeah. I mean, we have no idea how much time we have left. And we spend it all the time giving it away to frivolous things. I could have sixty years left, or I could have sixty minutes left. So when I thought about that for the first time, it changed how I thought about everything. So if you're listening to this today, really hold close to that quote because you don't know how much time you have left. Stop giving it away to things that don't matter and start giving it to things that do matter, like your family, like your wife, like you know, your mission, your passions, all those different things. Let's not waste any more time. Double down, become the man and husband and father that your family needs. Thank you so much for having me on the show, Oscar. This has been an honor and a privilege, man. Amen, brother.

SPEAKER_03 46:41

That's uh beautifully said, and thank you for for being with us. I appreciate you. For all of you out there, priceless information, priceless perspectives that we have, and just things that we need to ponder in order to get to where we need to be and be better every single day as men, as fathers and husbands. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for your ears and your eyes. Remember to follow us and leave us a review. Appreciate y'all. See you all next time.

SPEAKER_02 47:07

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