Haram or Halal? A dive into Muslim Matchmaker

Our hosts explore Hulu's reality dating show "Muslim Matchmaker," discussing how it portrays Muslim dating culture and the matchmakers' "rules of three" hook.  Learn about the diverse representation of the Muslim community, and hear Hazem Jamal and Najwa's personal connections to cast members. In a world where DEI is criminalized, a show with representation is cutting through while providing a refreshing alternative to mainstream dating reality TV. 

About the host:

Hazem Jamal is a first-generation Iraqi-American who worked in as a programming exec in American radio for many years.

Hazem founded Arabs in Media to offer an independent  platform for new stories, information and entertainment missing in corporate media.

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Transcript

Stereo Mix

Introduction and Current Arab Representation in Media

Hazem: [00:00:00] Welcome to Arabs and Media. I am Hazem Jamal, 

Najwa: and I am Najwa 

Hazem: and despite the world we are in, it is a great time for actual new releases with representation. Uh, you've got mo season two.

Hazem: You've got Bassam Musef, Sammy Obeid. , they've got YouTube specials, they've got tours happening, and of course, the classic show Rami, , lots of up and coming comics on ensemble cast tours and individual tours. 

Overview of 'Muslim Matchmaker' on Hulu

Hazem: But today we are gonna be talking about something that popped on Hulu not too long ago called 

Najwa: Muslim Matchmaker.

Hazem: So Muslim Matchmaker is. Uh, hosted by the aunties. I dunno if we can call them that, but, uh, there's, uh, Huda Braheem and Yasmine Elhadi and I, , will say that Yasmine is, uh, a friend of the podcast. She was our first guest in season one. She is, , a stellar human being. Very funny, [00:01:00] and it comes off in this show absolutely brilliantly.

Hazem: So we're, we're happy to be doing a review behind her back. Just listen. Yasmin till we get to the end. You'll be Sorry. You ever crossed me that we have nothing but good things to say, but yes, me. Yeah, for sure. Maybe. 

The Rules and Structure of 'Muslim Matchmaker'

Hazem: Maybe So one of the premises of a Muslim matchmaker is the, uh, two hosts of the show, Huda And Yasmin.

Hazem: Mean are out trying to create matches between the different people who are on this. Shall we call it a reality show? 

Najwa: Yes. It's 

Hazem: a reality dating show. Right? It came out of the minds who had produced, I think, , Indian Matchmaker and Jewish Match Matchmaker. That's, uh. Tongue twister. , and so , the formula is there, but there are differences obviously because there are some cultural differences.

Hazem: But I, you know, appreciated the , [00:02:00] thumbprint that Huda and Yasmine put on the format, which is talking about the ideas of having rules of three behind the. People who are being cast, right. That they're being matched up with. The three elements are they must go on three dates 

Najwa: in three months.

Hazem: They must hang out for three months, right? Yeah. Or is it three dates in three months? Or they've got, because some of it is long distance. I'm a little confused because it's been a little while since I watched the season. 

Najwa: Okay. I believe it was like. I believe it was three dates. Maybe it didn't have like a time limit, but give it three months at least.

Hazem: And the, the final one, which is the hardest thing in the world to find on the web, because we wanted to read some of them Yeah. Was that they have 300 questions to go through to think about compatibility [00:03:00] on morals, on ideals, on partnership on. Whether they want to have kids, all of these things, which I think is a great checklist to go through for anybody who's considering, settling down with somebody or marrying or considering that person a commitment.

Najwa: Yeah, I think there's, um, some similarities with other religions. I know in the Catholic religion they have something like called a Pre-Cana, where they go for like a counseling with the church to, and they ask questions in regards to that. So I think this is a. Uh, great way to get to know people by asking specific questions in which we wished we could have found some of them.

Hazem: Yeah, I think that's a great idea in general. Do you? Yeah, 

Najwa: yeah, for sure. And 

Hazem: that's something that, , if you are going to be literally taking the vow for life, , there's certain things you don't wanna be kind of like surprise. 

Najwa: And there's also certain things that you probably wouldn't think to talk about maybe when you're [00:04:00] dating.

Najwa: , and they'll come up when you're married. And if you don't talk about 'em beforehand, and then it's like, oh, wait a minute. You mean I wanted five kids and you only want one? Or whatever. Right, right. And then also people change too, but at least, you know, going into this. That's why people should not get married until they're 80.

Hazem: Know yourself. And I don't think you know yourself till you're like 78. You have two years. Yeah. Really. Exactly. I also like the , Haram. Versus halal ratio that they put together. Right, 

Hazem: right. All right. Okay, so to explain to the audience that may not be Muslim or doesn't know of this, Haram literally means it's a sin and halal.

Hazem: You've probably seen on packaged goods like meat or something like that. That means that it was like kosher. You may be the term that you've been exposed to. That's what Halal is. And [00:05:00] so to kind of classify the different. Elements of your connection to Islam or your spirituality as whether you see that on the Halal side of the scale or the Haram side of the scale may indicate whether or not you're, you know, good for partnership with somebody who feels similarly or differently.

Halal or Haram: Fun Compatibility Questions

Hazem: So I thought before we kind of get into our overall assessment of this, that I would ask you some kind of yes or no questions, halal or Haram. From questions that I just pulled out. Okay. And, uh, you can just tell me based on your gut reaction, is this component to you, halal meaning 

Najwa: good, 

Hazem: good or haram?

Hazem: Like I can't, can't do that. 

Najwa: Yeah. 

Hazem: Can't go with that. So assuming you were back in that place in life [00:06:00] where you were looking, I. Somebody came along and they were like, I eat pork. Is that haram for you? Or Halal? 

Najwa: Halal.

Hazem: So you're good with that? 

Najwa: Yeah. 

Hazem: Okay. We're releasing this to the public. Um, never traveled outside this country.

Najwa: These are good, good questions because I mean, you could say like, well, that would be Haram, but then maybe they would be willing to travel outside the country after. 

Hazem: Yeah. This person never traveled. No interest. , 

Najwa: Haram 

Hazem: believes, , pets are great, but not in the house. 

Najwa: Haram 

Hazem: loves trying new foods. 

Najwa: Hello, [00:07:00] 

Hazem: gambles 

Najwa: Haram.

Hazem: Competitive

Najwa: Halal,

Hazem: uh, this would be a long distance relationship, so Haram or Halal. 

Najwa: Halal.

Hazem: This person is the last one to go home from a party. Meaning you have to accompany them. 

Najwa: Halal? No, wait. Sorry, Haram. I'm like, that's good to see you guys. We're getting confused with the term meant haram, uh, loves 

Hazem: camping and, uh, must camp every month with you.

Najwa: Haram.

Najwa: Not that I hate camping or anything, it's just not every month. 

Dating Culture and Reality TV Insights

Najwa: , and I mean, [00:08:00] it's interesting too because I mean, we can talk more about the show, but in watching the show and we, you and I being past the.

Najwa: The ages that are shown in the show, which are basically in their twenties and thirties, is, it was mentioned too, how people on the dating app swipe, swipe, swipe or whatever, and think that there's a whole bunch of people out there for them. But at the same time, it's, I think they're trying to point out in the show, like, give a person a chance.

Najwa: That's why they're saying the rule of three, right? So maybe the first date didn't go so great, but. You know, there could be reasons behind that and give them a chance. So, you know, try some, some more. 

Hazem: Yeah, I think that's a good message overall. I mean, I think we are in a fast food culture, especially when it comes to dating and swiping, for example.

Hazem: But the idea of like, well, here we were talking about this last night. Remember we were saying how so much of [00:09:00] life has gone through the lens of whether it. Can be in a Sex and the City episode, right? So that show was such a phenomenon in the nineties. Nineties. And part of it was like, everybody's like, oh, I'm a Samantha, or I'm a Charlotte, or I'm a Carrie, or, people who connected to the show, really connected to the characters in New York was a fabulous set but the running theme, and this was just how the show was written because it was ultimately a sitcom. It was very like they treated dating very much like it was a disposable piece of food to chew on and you're like done with it and you just spit it out. 

Najwa: Yeah. 

Hazem: I think a lot of people get into the dating pool first to kind of learn a lot about themselves, which is what I think the 300 questions was for in the show.

Hazem: One of the things that really strikes me is about every [00:10:00] episode of, of Sex in the City was like, they'd be like, oh, they met the perfect guy. He was a lawyer. He has a great income. He loves his mother. You know, he's really into his culture. He's a great cook, but he has an obnoxious laugh.

Hazem: Yeah. And then, you know, somebody would dump him and they're making excuses really. Right. Because they're not giving somebody a chance, and maybe this is where our culture comes into play, where it's kind of like if you just go based on whether or not they'd be cast well in red leather pants for a rock and roll music video, which is a one dimensional role, then yeah.

Hazem: If their butt is the wrong size or their laugh is terrible, or their nose is whatever, 

Najwa: right? 

Hazem: It's part of the cruel world of casting. 

Najwa: Well, it's a very superficial way of thinking about meeting another person and just even the way in general, I think our, you know, movies and everything show [00:11:00] us, oh, you meet somebody and oh my God, it's love at first sight or whatever.

Hazem: Life has a lot, many more lessons than just the initial attraction. And you saw people who were making decisions in the season that were based on the physical component of it. Right. But there were people that I thought were physically connected to each other, but then at the end you'd be like, oh, she's apparently not into him.

Najwa: Yeah. Or vice versa. And you're like, wow. So it's, it's worth kind of like watching as an anthropological. Study to see how I wanna, I'm gonna say this generation kind of looks at dating. I always have hope for younger generations because I think they're, you know, I believe that children are our future.

Hazem: Teach them well and let them lead the way. But if you show them all the beauty they possess inside, , 

Najwa: well, yeah, I mean, I think in this show, what. What I was impressed by the matchmakers were, was that they were [00:12:00] trying to say like, you need to get to know the person. It's not like, oh, they're so cute, or whatever, or, and some people did not listen to that advice.

Najwa: There was one guy who had broken up or just not broken up, but just said, I, I don't think it's gonna work out after the first date. Right. And he was like, you're not my type physically, I.

Najwa: He told her. Right, right, right, right. Okay. Was that the one with the two people who went race car driving? Yeah. Or you know, go-carts or whatever. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I hate to like make it about one or two people, but yeah. That wasn't a match. No, no. And you know, again, it's a reality show. We know it's a reality show, but at the same time, you know, she was at that, uh, Yasmine was talking to the guy and she was like, .

Najwa: . How did you come up with saying that or something? He's like, well, my friends helped me figure out what to say or something. Right, right, right, right. And um, she's like, you know, that's what I'm here for. So like, if you, you know, wanna say something, why don't you just [00:13:00] talk to, that's why I'm here. Yeah.

Najwa: I was like, you know. Now did you see in the, uh, role that the matchmakers were playing on this show, something that you found useful? Like, would you use. Or somebody to match, make, I would consider it after watching that because I feel like they,

Najwa: They're connecting people that they think would be having things in common with each other and could connect, and they obviously had success with some people. And not with others and which is just how real life works.

Najwa: But, , I think they just, throughout the whole thing, they were supportive of the, , people involved. They gave good advice. , I. I'm not into the religion aspect of it, per se, where they would say prey on it or whatever, [00:14:00] but for that particular show, it made sense for them. 

Hazem: Sure. , 

Najwa: but I think. Again, I think I was, I have a newfound respect for matchmakers after watching this show.

Najwa: Yeah. And, and before I'd always be like, oh, whatever, matchmaker. Yeah, whatever. 

Hazem: Well, and I have a newfound respect for people who embrace their faith and make that a, a basis of dating. 

Najwa: Yes. 

Hazem: Uh, they know themselves and they know that this is a part of their existence and it's important to them, and it's going to be important for their, their match or for their match to be on the same page.

Hazem: I don't think, it doesn't guarantee anything based on, , statistics around the world for divorce or in the west, at least somebody's coming to the table with a good understanding of what they want in that regard. 

Najwa: I dunno if I'm in fact gonna offend anybody, but I mean it's just, I think it makes more sense in this regards to try and match people up.

Najwa: Yeah, we already know they both have the same faith that [00:15:00] they want. So let's say they're saying how religious do you need that person to be? 'cause everybody's in a different degree of religious or how they believe mm-hmm. In their religion. , there are old fashioned ways that have been done also in religions, whereas the families match the 

Najwa: people together. Right. And that's more, seems more business like or any, oh your, that family's a good family and , this is how you guys should match. And not necessarily making sure that they are compatible. 

Hazem: Right, . So there are a couple of tangents to that conversation that are interesting to me.

Hazem: One is, , there was a huge diversity in the cast. That defies stereotypes right off the bat, because Muslims are black, they're white, they're brown, they're every color, size, shape they have every ethnic background they're from. Yeah. The most populous Muslim country in the world is Indonesia. It's not an Arab [00:16:00] country, and I know that the podcast is called Arabs and Media, but there are lots of intersections but I liked the diversity of the cast a lot, and I liked that there were women in there who wore hijabs because it was really clear that this was their choice and their identity, and I know that. We're in a era where hijabs can be scorned or politicized or weaponized, and it has been going that way for a long time.

Hazem: But I admire somebody who has the moral courage to wear something that they find important to them, despite a potentially really negative societal reaction depending on where they are or what circumstance they're in. 

Najwa: I also like the way. I think that the show can educate people on the religion to show that there are women who wanna wear a hijab, and there are women who decide not to wear [00:17:00] a hijab.

Najwa: And either way is okay. Yeah. And it's not necessarily mandatory or whatever, and it just, I think it helps maybe people learn more about the religion because the way the media has portrayed, Muslims has usually been in a. Not so great way. 

Personal Stories and Guest Experiences

Hazem: So like I said, , Yasmine is one of the hosts and , she was the first guest that we had on this podcast for season one.

Hazem: And really briefly, you and I went to a comedy show in Milwaukee last year with a few people. And after the show, the comics were hanging up, you know, in the area outside of the auditorium and we just started chatting. And, , she was one of the comics. And so we're all talking afterwards and there was variety of comics and um, I was introduced to her and she was like, yeah, you man, just tell me about your podcast.

Hazem: So. I'll guest. 

Najwa: Oh really? Yeah. [00:18:00] That's 

Hazem: how it went. And I was like so happy first of all. Um. Because, because another comic who was there said, yeah, I'll do it if you fly me out to la. And I was like, she's like, yeah, I get out there every once in a while. So we just timed it right. We just stayed in touch and she was just so generous with her time.

Hazem: She just stood for her word and I was very appreciative of that. And so when she was in town, even though her schedule was tight, and even though. We like ran to the finish line, trying to get into the green room backstage at this event that she was doing for a nonprofit and raising money for kids and all of this stuff.

Hazem: We, it just like we raced to get there. Um, the, the, the arm that holds the microphone up like. Wouldn't work because the table, it's a long story. So I couldn't get the microphone arm that was gonna hold my microphone [00:19:00] up to work. So I basically had to attach it to a trash can that was next to the table and it was leaning 'cause it couldn't reach enough.

Hazem: So I basically. Did the whole podcast with my head tilted to the side of my body, leaning the other way so that I could talk into the microphone without things falling go over. And she just like was a total pro, knocked out the interview. Just super professional, incredibly funny, and she's a huge talent and she's a testament to not just being an outstanding individual, but , she just brings heart to everything and starting with generosity of saying, yeah, I'll, I'll be, and, and she didn't charge me to come out to la she just, she did it out of the goodness of her heart.

Hazem: So just an outstanding human being to begin with. But I also. Wanna acknowledge that I know somebody else who was in the cast and, , I didn't realize it, but, , Mariam who is in, I think episode one and two, [00:20:00] and then later, , they had, I think, met her up with, , a and that one didn't work out. I, I thought, , you know, reality show.

Hazem: First of all, I'll tell you the story about how I met Mariam. I was, there was a video that went viral of imagining a future where they have a Holocaust memorial, but this time it's for the Gaza Holocaust, and, , it just imagines all of these memorials going on. 16 years after this genocide we're witnessing today, and all of these kids are looking at their parents while they're watching these commemorations and they're like, why didn't you do anything?

Hazem: Yep. Why didn't you say anything? It's a very, very powerful video. And it went viral. 

Hazem: She saw it on my stories and she messaged me and she said, oh, like now this German broadcast network was like, click and pasting it. 

Najwa: Hmm. [00:21:00] 

Hazem: I was like, oh. So I was driving and I was like, um, do you have a minute for a call? I got to parking lot at the grocery store before I went in. We were like, we talked for like half an hour and she told me the story of this video.

Hazem: It was a video that she and her team had put together and commissioned, and she was telling me a little bit about how she was having real trouble getting this art exhibit on children's art from Gaza shown in the US because institutions were turning it down for being too controversial. Right? Of course, another tool of.

Hazem: Dehumanizing victims of a genocide. So she was on another episode as well. So she's in the show. And 

Najwa: did you realize when you, that she was on the show? I 

Hazem: think we talked about it in terms of just getting background, , and this is sometimes how podcasting works. It's like you can have agencies and reps who are trying to get guests on your episodes who like reach out and [00:22:00] they, they book guests just like a TV talk show.

Hazem: And every thing that I've done, it's just been something that somebody's introduced to me or I've gone out because I'm like, I'm really interested in that person and I like what they have to say. And it's a one man show here. So I just kind of like relentlessly pursue until I get a yes or a no, and then I just move on.

Hazem: After I posted something of hers not knowing it was hers, and then we just connected and had a really great conversation and she, , she has a great story as well. And you don't get into the depth of these types of things when you're dealing with episode tv.

Hazem: Right, 

Najwa: right. 

Hazem: You have. 22 to 40 minutes, depending on whether it's a 30 or 60 minute formatted show. You have the rules of the network, you have the rules of the producers, right? You have all of these things going on, 

Najwa: and you can see with the reality TV too, that there's a, there's a way that they do it. . 

Hazem: And there's one thing that did not factor into this formula, I think, which is what you get in [00:23:00] 99% of these reality shows is the absence of alcohol. 

Najwa: Oh, okay. 

Hazem: So, and another true story. I met somebody years ago in LA who, uh. Told me that he was on a reality show, but he couldn't, you know, at the time, disclose anything about it because he had signed an NDA and the show hadn't been released yet, and so they couldn't like reveal the winner and all that stuff.

Hazem: And so he was telling me a little bit about the show and so I, I went home and I googled the show and the trailer was out. But it hadn't debuted yet. So the trailer was on the network website, and this is the stuff that you read about, like when the real world on MTV started like a hundred million years ago.

Hazem: That's what they would do. They would just like put alcohol everywhere and they would make people drink. So that they would spill and so that they would get messy and there would be drama and it would be good great [00:24:00] TV or great reality tv. I mean, I don't watch Real Housewives, but I've seen enough clips to see how much booze is involved in the filming of these shows so they can get these outrageous characters to get even more outrageous.

Hazem: 'cause people will watch that, but people don't want to sit down and watch, you know, paint dry. 

Najwa: Right. They want some sort of excitement. Yeah. 

Hazem: So I think we, 

Najwa: they don't have that with the Muslim matchmaker. You don't have the booze 

Hazem: and the messiness that way in Muslim matchmaker. Right. And I think the premise of it is strong enough on its own where you don't need that.

Hazem: In fact, I'm really tired of like drunken messes in reality show clips when I do see them. I just flip by them. Maybe that's for other people, and that's great. Right. If that's what you like. But kind 

Najwa: of weird concept anyway because it's just like watching a train wreck. . 

Hazem: Yeah, so bottom line, supportive of any sort of television programming that does things to entertain people or numb them for a little while because we're in a crazy world or whatever, and it's [00:25:00] their escape.

Final Thoughts and Reflections

Hazem: And the same thing can be true that I don't watch it because it's not for me, but Muslim matchmaker. Nice exception, fresh surprise. .

Najwa: I also like the, the phrase, that's one of my favorite phrases is flirt to convert.

Hazem: Yes. I guess we should ask that as a haram to halal question.. Would you date somebody who diD not want to convert? 

Najwa: Right. 'cause I mean, if, if it's, well, if it's a Muslim matchmaker show, that probably answers itself, right? Because these are people who are there for Muslim matchmakers. Yeah.

Najwa: But I was gonna say the, I think it was the first episode that Yasmin was, was asking one of the women, like what she was looking for and she was describing like, I want somebody. Who's not bald, you know? And he's, she's [00:26:00] like, .

Hazem: She said, I'm okay with body hair, but not too much. Oh, yeah. And she said, so no Muslim men we're really gonna laugh over that. Right? Yeah. Which is a stereotype because I think. Alright, so I mean, now we're gonna get into genealogy. Alright. Not all Arabs are hairy, obviously. Um, but, um, uh, many Arab, I'm the missing link, like I make up for anybody who is not hairy, who happens to be Arab or Muslim.

Hazem: Um, but, but yeah, I, I thought that was a nice chuckle. There's a nice balance of entertainment and cultural insight. You know, it normalizes Muslim dating. It humanizes a population that for many years hasn't had the benefit of a show that celebrates people who embrace a faith.

Hazem: , and I think some of the principles were explained pretty well. 

Najwa: Yes. I agree. 

Hazem: Right? It's like, you know, if you, I learned something. If you, if you know, do [00:27:00] nothing but scroll. Yeah, I did too. Like if you do nothing but scroll through Twitter, then you're like, oh my God, Muslims are, that's because the algorithm and you know, kind of wacky ownership is going to feed you that information, right?

Hazem: It's like you can't help but after your like timeline scroll to feel really. Horrible and sick about the world in general, but I, I like the fact that there's an educational value about Muslim dating practices, diverse experiences. It's not monolithic at all. You have people who are open and free about who they are.

Hazem: They're loving and accepting people, and I think it's a wonderful thing for the world to, to, to enjoy. 

Najwa: Yeah. And learn.

Najwa: I'm really happy to see all the different shows out right now, um, with Arabs and Muslims and just to see that, because growing up we didn't see a [00:28:00] lot of that. And if what we did see, it was usually, um, listed as, you know, a terrorist or some bad villain. So now to see people who are real people and cool people, and the more we see that, I think the better 

Hazem: there Anybody on the show that you'd be like, , if we all lived in the same town, we would hang out.

Najwa: . Yasmine. Yeah. 

Hazem: You know, you'd be in stitches like, you know. Right. Every time you hang, you hang. And also 

Najwa: just shout out to her, seeing her on the View when she was interviewed. That was great. She was great on that. To promote her show.

Najwa: She 

Hazem: owned that segment. Yeah, she does. She owned it. She owned it. So look it up on YouTube. You know, she rocks a hijab and it's like, you know, she's a lesson in people needing to don't shrink yourself.

Najwa: Oh, yeah. 

Hazem: You know, rock who you are. Yes. 

Najwa: Yeah. Shout out to Huda too. I [00:29:00] liked her a lot too. Yeah. I would hang out with her too. 

Hazem: Yeah, for sure. I love that. You know, she was like a hundred months pregnant and then there were episodes where like, oh, do you think she had the baby? I don't know. They're shooting her waist up.

Hazem: This is kind of like the mystery. We should all be talking about this. Is there a Reddit threat about this? . 

Najwa: I think let's bring on some more shows like this. This would be great and I'm happy to, to watch 'em.

Hazem: Yeah. Bring on season two. We're here. Yeah. Yeah. I'll watch it. Actually, I mean, 

Najwa: I, I got Hulu just for the show. I did too. 

Hazem: And that's really powerful. I mean, this, these are digital metrics for the networks and they need to see that there is support out there and know there's so much content out there for you to be able to watch, but doing it that way. It's really meaningful. It's all the creators who are out there, who are out there doing a really great job, cranking out content, supporting their people, doing their craft, being creative.

Hazem: We love you. [00:30:00] We support you. 

Najwa: Yes. 

Hazem: That's my shout out. 

Najwa: Yeah. 

Conclusion and Eid Wishes

Hazem: Remember to check out our substack at Arabs in media. 

Hazem: I'm Hazem. Jamal

Najwa: I'm Najwa. 

Hazem: Thanks for joining us and. I used to sign off. Every episode with genocide is always wrong, and it feels trite at this point because we've witnessed some really dark times and in fact, we're recording this on Eid and I'm struggling to find words to bring any sanity to what we've been experiencing as a human race.

Hazem: So I'm just gonna simply wish you and your loved ones and those in Palestine and in the lands of turmoil and atrocities in the world. The blessing of Eid and a safe and healthy and prosperous future in life.