Uniquely You: Enneagram + Real Life
Welcome to Uniquely You: Enneagram + Real Life — a podcast that brings personality wisdom into everyday moments. Hosted by life and relationship coach Wendy Busby, each episode offers honest conversations, real-life stories, and practical tips for your everyday life. Whether you're new to the Enneagram or deep in your growth journey, this space invites you to explore who you are, how you relate, and what it means to live with more clarity, compassion, and confidence. Tune in, share with a friend, and keep becoming Uniquely You.
Uniquely You: Enneagram + Real Life
Holiday Expectations of the 9 Types with Wendy + Molly
If holiday plans feel like a pressure cooker of expectations, you’re not alone. We unpack how each of the nine Enneagram types walks into the season with very human hopes and fears, and how those hidden expectations can quietly sabotage connection when stress rises, plans shift, or emotions run high.
For every type, we share clear triggers to watch for, a simple grounding practice you can use in the moment, and a short mantra that helps your nervous system settle so you can stay present.
If this conversation helps, follow the show, share it with your people, and leave a quick review—what mantra are you taking into the holidays?
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Welcome back to Uniquely You, Enneagram and Real Life Podcast.
SPEAKER_01:I'm Wendy and I'm Molly, and today we are having a really honest conversation about the very real, very human experience each Enneagram type has around the holiday season.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, because the truth is, Molly, the holidays are full of invisible expectations. And the reality is that we all have them, but we rarely name them. And as we often do, we go through life assuming that other people see the world the way we do. And the truth is that they don't. That doesn't make you wrong, it doesn't make them wrong, it just makes you different, and that's okay. And this is where the Enneagram helps us. The Enneagram offers us an opportunity to see ourselves and others more clearly and to approach our relationships with more curiosity and with more compassion.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, it is so helpful. And so today, as we are in the midst really already, of this season, today we're going to pull back the curtain. We're talking about how each Enneagram type walks into this season with specific emotional hopes and fears. We're going to look at the hidden expectations and then the reactive patterns that show up when our expectations are not met. And more importantly, we're offering help, some practices and mantras for each type so that you can walk into this holiday season, whatever is happening in your context, in your life, in your situation, with just a little more self-awareness, a little more self-compassion that ripples outward with compassion for others and with a lot more connection and presence.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Beautiful, Molly. Beautiful. And it is Thanksgiving week. We are recording on Tuesday of Thanksgiving week.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Pop this onto the socials and the webs tomorrow. So maybe while you're driving, if you're driving right now and it's it's you're on your way to your Thanksgiving things, then hopefully this helps you when you get there. Yeah, right. Right. All right. Okay, I'm going to start with type one. Are we ready? You ready, Molly?
SPEAKER_01:We are ready. Let's dive.
SPEAKER_00:All right. All you type ones. Okay. Ones uh walk into the holidays with this quiet little hope that everything will go just right. Not perfect, but just right. They want it to be just right. They want things to be thoughtful and orderly. Like, can we just please follow the plan so that we can all enjoy ourselves? Because if we just follow the plan, then we're all going to have a good time. That's what's going on inside of the one. Because underneath that is this really tender need that the one has to feel like they're doing a good job. They want to feel like their efforts matter and that the responsibility isn't all on their shoulders. But hang on, because the minute things get chaotic, or someone changes the plan at the last minute, or people don't show the same level of care or concern with how things are going, the ones feel that tightening, that squeezing, that constriction inside, and they start to say to themselves, here we go, it's all on me again. And that's when their reactive pattern kicks in. They try harder, they get more rigid, they can come off as critical. Um, and they usually are doing it with a really tight smile on their face because they don't want you to know that they're upset. They don't want you to know that they're mad. They can appear calm on the outside, but that anger, be assured, it's rising on the inside. And so the grounding practice that we're offering ones is to take slow breaths. Try to soften your shoulders and look around and let something be good enough. Even if your brain says that it could be better, let yourself laugh, let yourself say it's good enough, it's gonna be okay. And your mantra to take with you is good enough, really is good, and connection is more important than everything being just right.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And you're not responsible for everything, and you're not responsible for everything. Don't have to be responsible for everything. Yes. Ones ones, we love you, you're so good. Um, and what I think is so important about this uh this whole um conversation today, this is a little side note, is that not only does it help each one of us with our own particular types, but it helps with understanding how each person that we come across is um approaching, uh coming into into um maybe a gathering or into a situation. So as always, it just brings compassion and perspective.
SPEAKER_00:It sure does. Thank you for that added note. So, Molly, since you're our resident too here, you get to talk about type two.
SPEAKER_01:I will talk about type twos. Here we go. Type twos going to the holidays, thinking and feeling, but thinking.
SPEAKER_00:Thinking and feeling.
SPEAKER_01:I just want everyone to feel loved, including myself. I just want everyone to feel loved. It's such a beautiful intention. They're holding the emotional temperature of the room without anybody asking them to, taking the pulse all the time in the temperature. But what's going on underneath that is this deep need to feel appreciated, to feel valued and to feel chosen and special, not just needed for what they do. Twos want to be validated. We want our efforts to be noticed and really want to be liked and loved for who they are, not for what they do. But it's really hard. So they, as in we go into this helping and caretaking mode to get those things from people around them. And sometimes it goes into overdrive and it can um go into overhelping and crossing boundaries and um maybe um what I call meddling and kind of busybodying or maybe being a little too busy and active and not sitting down. But oh no, when that doesn't happen, when we go into that caretaking mode, when we don't get that appreciation back or have help noticed, we feel that sting. We instantly feel, oh, does anybody even notice how hard I'm trying? And that's when the resentment happens, and that distress can really be felt inside. And the reaction to this is usually one of two things giving even more and more and more, or pulling back this withdrawing with really deep hurt feelings. And honestly, both come from the same longing, this deep longing to matter and to be important to especially to the people who are important to them. So a good grounding practice for twos is to put your hand on your heart with some pressure, actually to put some pressure there. That works for me, and to take one slow breath and ask what do I need right now? And even to do that in the third person, what does Molly need right now? And the important thing here is that you meet your own need because your needs matter, there's so much external need, but really getting tapped into your own need outside of all the other um pulls outside, and it may take asking that question over and over and over. So give that a try for a grounding practice and the mantra: I'm loved, I love you, I love you, I love you. Repeating that over and over to yourself. I'm loved, I love you. I'm loved even when I'm not helping. Keep repeating that over and over. So I love you, all you twos. Keep saying that to yourself.
SPEAKER_00:I love you twos too. Thank you, Wendy. I'm gonna I'm gonna receive that good. And I, you know, it's this question, what do I need right now? It's such a hard question for twos. It's like it's it's a hard, it's a question they don't even want to consider because it feels so impossible to answer, but that really is the thing you can give yourself. And whatever answer comes up is the answer for right then. And it's okay. It's okay. Just keep keep asking yourself, keep loving, keep showing up in the way that you show up because it's important.
SPEAKER_01:You are important, and sometimes stepping away, even just taking a breath break away from people to ask that question, um, getting a moment of getting alone, quiet alone time can help. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, let's talk about threes. Yeah, Wendy. All right, so threes um go into the holidays with the energy of we're gonna make this thing meaningful, fun, but more importantly, efficient. Let's be efficient. Um, because they've already curated the perfect division of how it all should go. They've made the reservations, they've made the plan, they've got things done. Because the reality is that threes are really, really good at getting things done. And they're really, really good at looking good while they're doing it all. That's efficiency. It's efficiency. But underneath all of that, underneath all the doing, underneath all the hustling, is their very human need to feel valued, to be noticed, um, to be acknowledged. Um, but they want to feel valued for who they are, not just for how well that they execute the holiday, but just who they are. And sometimes they might not be able to access that need because it's underneath this validation need. But when they go a little bit deeper, they're gonna see that the the true need is to be valued for who they are, not just for what they do and in all the ways that they show up. Just being. Yeah, just being. Um and they're they're usually okay to keep up the pace of things. Like they want things to move at a good, steady pace. Um, because when things slow down, it can make them feel like they've failed at something. If things aren't moving at the pace that they want them to, they might internalize that to be they have failed at some part of the plan that should be executed. Um, what also um makes them feel a little uneasy is when people get emotional. Um, they would prefer everything to just um go as planned and that the you know feelings or too many emotions that might get in the way of things, and so they would really prefer the people around them not to get terribly emotional, not um, not no emotion, but you know, not the negative ones. We can have the happy emotions, but maybe not the negative ones, because that makes them feel uncomfortable and they want things to go well, they want everyone to have a good time, they want things um to go as planned. So, a good grounding practice for threes is to slow down, which feel is going to feel so counter to what they want to do. And so slowing down, focus on being really present with whatever is going on, whether things are going well or whether things are getting a little messy. And the other thing that a three can do is to make eye contact, make eye contact with one person and just spend time connecting, connect with that person and find out what's really going on with them. That is going to help you slow down and connect at the same time. And the mantra for threes to take with them this holiday season is I don't have to earn this moment, I get to be in it.
SPEAKER_01:Right. I don't have to earn this moment, I get to be in it. We are thankful for your being threes, just for you being you. Yes, not for what you do, just for who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you. And Wendy, our four, our amazing, unique four. I think you should lead us into fours too. So keep going, okay?
SPEAKER_00:Of course. Please about fours because that really is. I mean, just as you when you talk about, I mean, you're speaking from your direct experience of what it's like to go through the world as a type two. And I am going through the world as a type four, so it it we can bring a um really true different perspective to that sometimes. So that's appreciated. Um, the thing with fours is that fours come into the holidays wanting something emotionally real. They want real, they want people to connect. Um, they can get a little nostalgic because they're looking for depth, they're looking for meaning, and they're looking for beauty in the things around them and in the people around them because they really, really, fours really cannot stand force cheer. Don't make me pretend to be excited about the holidays if I'm not feeling excited about the holidays. That will really bump a four out. Because what's happening in that emotional landscape is underneath all these desires is a longing to really feel seen. The four wants to feel seen, to feel understood, and to feel like that there is emotional honesty with their people. So let's not be fake, let's be real. That's what's motivating the four. And the moment things begin to feel superficial or fake or rushed or emotionally disconnected, the four feels that really deep ache inside of something's missing. And then they start to question maybe I'm invisible, maybe I'm not really worth knowing on a deep level. Because if if what as a four, what the four is looking for is a deep emotional connection. And if the people around them aren't meeting them on that level, the four internalizes that to mean that something is wrong with them. That's the struggle. And that's the that's where the growth opportunity is because it's not true, but that is the struggle. And so when that happens, the reactive pattern kicks in. The four will pull inward, they'll withdraw, and they'll increase their emotional energy. They get more emotional, they try harder to get people to go deep. So the four may tell stories of suffering or talk about their creative efforts, like, oh, look at this thing I did, and look at that thing I did, and let me tell you this sad story. Because on a deep level, like they're lamenting this idealized experience that they thought that they were gonna have this holiday and that they thought you were gonna join them in. And so it's emotionally charged. Um, and so the grounding practice for type four is to really come back to their body, to come back to their senses, to use the senses, to get in touch with the present moment, to touch what is here and now, touch the fabric on the um pillows around you, or um smell the food that's cooking in the kitchen, or um listen to the noises of the the if you're in a gathering, right? The the people around you, or if you're wandering through a store and you're feeling that, you know, emotional lack come in, like come back to your body. And the mantra for the four is there's goodness in this moment, right here and right now. So it's really staying present, present with whatever is because with because whatever is is okay.
SPEAKER_01:Wow, that is beautiful, and Wendy, you are so valuable and important and wonderful and so far from invisible. So thank you.
unknown:Thank you.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you, Molly. I just learned so much right this minute, and I just have to make a comment that isn't it fascinating in this whole um exploration of one, two, three, and four. Types one, two, three, and four. When you think of types one, two, three, and four walking into a party, all their different perspectives that we just now, and wow, just hearing those four, all of those kicking around. I mean, just imagine those different expectations. And if we didn't know what was at play, so the more consciousness and awareness that even one person can bring, and the ripple effect outward that that has can just change the impact in the world, truly, transforming ourselves, doing our own inner work really can change the world.
SPEAKER_00:So, um, anyway, really, and just to reiterate what you said in our little introduction part, it's about being curious, curious about yourself and curious about others. If we take that, you know, oh, a one, two, a three, and a four walk into a party, they all look different, they all are feeling different things, thinking different things. And when we can be curious about what is going on with somebody else, and I wonder in that question, like, oh, I wonder why that person is doing that, or I wonder why this person is that way, not in a can not in a you know condemning way, but in a curious way. With competitive such a gift we can give the people in our life and give our relationships is to stay curious about people.
SPEAKER_01:Yep, and notice noticing when we get a little constricted, a little triggered, and then oh, I wonder what's happening in me. Oh what's happening? Yeah, okay. That okay so so interesting.
SPEAKER_00:That's our that was our um uh intermission. That's our little intermission of the top first four.
SPEAKER_01:Now we are transitioning into head types, um, turning to type five. So uh uh a type five walks into a party. No, I'm just kidding.
SPEAKER_00:That was funny.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. Um now I'll now I'll get serious. Now we're gonna talk about fives entering the holiday season, saying, um, please, please let this be manageable. Yeah, please let this be manageable and not um take too much of my energy or time. Fewer people, fewer emotions, fewer surprises. Because the real need underneath is to feel safe for a five to feel resourced and not emotionally invaded. Fives want things to be simple and they want things to be on time. If you say that the party is going to be in two hours, then the five has allotted two hours. Oh, if you say the party is going to be two hours, that it's going to take two hours, then that is the amount of time that the two that the five has allotted is two hours, not two and a half hours for the party. And a five can get agitated if it goes longer because they have hit the I don't have enough energy for this. And fives process experiences not during but after. Um, and so they have to um they have they expend their energy in different ways, and so that is something to that that fives um are aware of and and um that that we can be mindful of who aren't fives. When this happens, so for a five, when this happens, they retreat sometimes physically. You may look around and wonder what happened to the five in your life. More often, though, they retreat internally, up into their mind, where they feel safe. They may physically be up, be there, but they have shut off connection to the space they're in. This isn't a rejection of the party or the host, for the five it's self-preservation. So they may be physically there, but they have um gone into their heads, even if there's a whole bunch of activity going on all around, they're in a whole different mental landscape and world. Um, and that's just a protection measure. And so a grounding practice for a five, especially when there's so many unpredictable things during a holiday season, so many extras, um, is to identify a recharge spot or a break plan before any gatherings. When you need to step away, get some space, but give yourself a time limit for your step away, and then get back to the party or the gathering so that you um can give yourself these little almost like timeouts. So create um rhythms for yourself before kind of a kind of a plan, a little plan for how you're gonna enter a gathering to care for yourself, knowing that you're you might need a little recharge. Um, so a little preparation and the mantra, um, I can stay connected without losing myself. I can stay connected without losing myself. Um anything you want to add there, Wendy?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, not really add, but I just um I love that you brought up that fives process after. Um, because I I don't think that that's something that we really think about very often. Um fives are very private, and um they're uh they're observing, they're taking in the information around them, rapid fire, and it's like collecting all of the data of the whatever is happening around them. And then when they get by themselves, they process that. And that takes a lot of energy. And so when when you say when you're talking about like, oh, the five has only allotted this specific amount of time to put energy into that specific thing, it's partly because they have reserved energy for something else later on in the day and or energy for themselves to process the information that they've taken in. And so I'm really glad that you said that. Um, because to other people, it can read like they're just uninterested, like they're they're not even really there. And so if you have a five in your life, learning about the inner workings of them is um gonna be helpful for you in understanding how they uniquely show up in relationships. Um, and also for the five, it's good for them to start to understand that mechanism inside of them of this needing to conserve time, conserve energy for the events that they have going on, the task that they have, all of that. So I'm just glad that you brought that up, that they process the information that they've taken in after the fact.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And um, and maybe um during that mantra, I can stay connected without losing myself. Like I'm here, I can stay here, I can stay here, I'm present, I'm present. And then um for those of us with fives in our life, allowing space for processing after, and then taking time to follow up after. What did you process? Even just asking later, revisiting what did you process? Not in the moment right away, but really honoring that perspective in that that way, um, and and circling back when a time frame might be right, you know?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah for you. Such good points, such good points. So, Wendy, how about type six? Okay, type six. Um, sixes they go into the holidays wanting everything and everyone to be okay and to feel safe because they have spent time preparing for the things that may happen. That's what our sixes do. They have a plan because they want to avoid things going poorly. So they've already gone through all of their questions, they've gone through all the scenarios. Well, what if this happens and what if that happens, and what if this happens? And they have a plan for what they're gonna do if that happens or this happens or that happens. Because what's motivating that is their desire for everyone to feel safe and for everyone to be okay. So when we know that, um when we know that it's helpful, but what's going on inside is it's the six's need for reassurance and emotional safety. They need to feel secure. And so all of that pre planning and preparing and questioning is so that they can be secure. And if you're okay, then they're okay. It's this going in and out of are you okay? I'm okay. If I'm okay, you're okay, kind of dynamic. Because they can only really relax and enjoy themselves if they know that everything is okay. So what happens is when plans change or people get reactive or conflict shows up, the anxiety inside the six spikes. And their brain starts to jump around searching all their worst-case scenarios, and they start scanning for the problem and making a plan for how to fix it. Or they may shut down as a way to regain their own sense of control. So when you're um noticing that in a six, reassure them. Start to reassure them that they're okay and that you're okay and that it's going to be okay. And meet them in that kind of problem-solving space. So, but for the six, when they feel themselves, um, when they feel their anxiety rising and um like their feet aren't really steady, their grounding practice is to name three things that are true right now. To bring themselves back into the present moment. It's a reality check. Sixes need reality checks. And so not so to name three things that are true that are in reality right now is a grounding practice for them. It helps them come back to what's present, what's actually going on, and not into the future trying to plan for what might go wrong. And the mantra for the six is I'm safe and I can take the next right step. That's trusting in themselves.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um, because one of the things that sixes do is that they can distrust themselves. That's partly what motivates all the questioning, is that they're not sure and they're seeking certainty. And it can be hard for them to take a step because they're not sure if it's the right one. So saying to themselves, I'm safe and I can take the next right set step is them accessing their own inner wisdom.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, that's great. Yeah. Trusting inner wisdom, trusting self. That's the mantra. I'm safe. I can trust myself. Grounding practice. I love that. It just interrupts that ruminating. Right. That playing out every worst case scenario. Interrupt it. What's true right now? What's true right now? Great. Okay, type sevens, the third of the head types. Um, so type sevens show up expecting the holidays to be fun, joyful, positive, and full of possibility. They've already imagined 12 ways to make the best it the best holiday ever. The reality is that sevens want to have fun, but they also want everyone around them to have fun too. Because inside the seven is just is a tender, because inside the seven is this tender need for freedom, for emotional safety, and they want to know that they're not going to get stuck in heaviness or negativity. That is a huge, tender fear. That is a painful place, and that's not always how things turn out. And when the negativity temperature rises, or things too feel too rigid, or quite frankly, just plain boring, their brain goes, Nope, we need an escape plan.
SPEAKER_00:Get me out of here.
SPEAKER_01:I gotta get out of here. And this is when they shift into their reactive pattern, which is to detach, to distract, to reframe the negatives into positive, and to hatch a new plan for adventure, to to leave the present moment, whether just mentally or physically, to actually go. Um, and so that is the reactive pattern of the seven when um any little glimpse of pains shows up is to uh to hatch that escape plan, uh, whether consciously or physically or mentally. And so one of the grounding practices for sevens when you start to notice that or feel that, feel that even happening a little bit, is putting your feet on the floor. And if you can do that with your stocking feet or bare feet, that is really great to even spread your toes out a little bit, wiggle your feet and put them on the floor. Take one slow breath and notice one small joy that's already here right now. One small thing, anything, and really observe it. Um focus on it and absorb it. Observe and enjoy and enjoy one small present moment thing with your feet on the floor. So really be present physically, and a mantra. I can stay here. I can stay here, I can be here. Joy grows deeper when I do. Joy grows deeper when I'm here, right here, right now. I can stay here. So beautiful. Anything to add to that, Wendy?
SPEAKER_00:No, I thought that was that was perfectly said.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, yeah. Type eight.
SPEAKER_00:All right, let's talk about type eights. Um, eights, what happens with an eight is they move into the holiday season wanting to know what to expect. And um, if somebody isn't in charge, they're going to take charge. And it's usually going to be with excessive energy. And um, so just know that. Um, but they also want autonomy, they want honesty from those around them because what's happening underneath, um, what happens underneath their big presence, their big appearance of strength is really a need to feel safe. They don't want to be blindsided, they don't want to be caught off guard, um, they don't want to feel like they're being controlled, and they don't want to be left without a choice. They'll come along with you, but they want to know that they have a say. And so that's why if somebody isn't taking charge, they're gonna take charge. Um, because what triggers an aid is when people are being passive aggressive, or if someone's trying to take advantage of someone that they care about. So they're sensitive. They're sensitive to manipulation, they're sensitive to betrayal, and they really can pick up on that. And so um they'll get bigger, right? And that's a protective, um, a protective measure that they have. Um and when they feel threatened in that way, their instinct is to push back, is to take control, or they'll shut down emotionally and they'll just to protect themselves, they'll just shut down. So a good grounding practice for a type eight is to relax their stomach muscles. So they're a gut type, and a lot of their energy is coming right from the center of their gut. If you are with an eight, you can feel it. Like it's it's palpable, almost this energy that radiates from them. And it's it's it's coming right from the center of them. And so if they can relax their stomach muscles, taking a really big deep breath and pushing out the belly, like to expand the tissues there, can help with that. It might take a few times to do, um, because we don't, we we tend to be more constricted there as adults naturally. If you think about it, you think about what it looked like when our kids were running around, Molly, and they were just playing like crazy and they're breathing and their stomachs are going out and in, out and in. Because they're they're just letting their body do what it's meant to do to give themselves oxygen and to be relaxed. But as uh as we get older, we tend to tense up there. So if we can learn how to push our bellies out and let those tissues expand, it's so good, it's good for all types, but it is really especially good for type eights. Um and so to do that, but then also to take a deep take a slow breath before they respond. So try to access that short pause before moving into action. And the mantra that's excellent for a type eight is my softness is just as powerful as my strength. It's okay to be soft. It's okay to be soft.
SPEAKER_01:It's okay to be soft. Yeah, that is really, really great. Yes, yeah. And to and to slow again with the slow. Yeah, slow down. Wonderful.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, great. Well, do you want to finish us off with type nine, Molly?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, last but not least, our nines.
SPEAKER_00:Type four nines.
SPEAKER_01:Nines. Um, nines, they walk into the holidays wanting peace, harmony, and no conflict. No conflict, please. They are saying that to themselves, can everyone please just get along? Because the reality is that nines want to feel included and considered and not overwhelmed. And when everyone is fighting, which may just be a tone of disagreement, or when there are too many tones or too much noise, or too many options, or too many decisions to make, the nine can get triggered. And so if there the chaos and all of the movement and decisions can can be a lot of overwhelm. So a nine may numb out, shut down, withdraw, and while they may still physically be there, they may look far off. A nine can become more agreeable, smiling and nodding, and go along with things just to make it easier to get through the day. And underneath they may be going, while going. They may be not, but underneath, shaking their head.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, they may be nodding their head, yes, but inside they're saying, No, no, not doing it, no, thank you.
SPEAKER_01:And so there is this deep longing to be seen and to be included and to be valued and important, and yet the the pattern is to withdraw and to stay under um and to and to not cause conflict. So so it's a real push and pull of really wanting to be a part of things, but not um not being involved. And so um, so for a grounding practice for nines, uh one really uh prepare a preparation thing is to identify one preference, one thing to voice, even if it's tiny, to speak it. Um one decision, one choice, one thing you want to bring to the table. Identify one preference, even if it's tiny, and then say it. Um, so that's that can be one really good um grounding practice. Um, and then a mantra: my presence matters, my needs matter. I'm important. My presence matter, my needs matter, I'm important.
SPEAKER_00:That makes me just to add, um, when you were talking about that, it reminded me of a conversation that I recently had with a nine, and um they were talking about how I mean their part of their job, what they do is that they're in front of people, right? So they're in front of people, they're leading, but there is this sense that they're invisible. So they're this sense that they just sort of fade into the environment. Um, but they're the one person in the room who's absolutely not invisible because they're the presenter. And I just found that so interesting.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And um, yeah, not that you didn't bring that up, but it makes it it makes sense. Like when it's too there's when there's too much stuff, they just kind of collapse in it in that push-pool, like, oh, I'm just gonna fade here because that makes me feel more comfortable. And yeah, so I just thought I would add that. It yeah, made me think of that when when you were talking about that. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And it's interesting for those of us, um, well, for any any of us who who um love nines and and know nines, nines really want to be acknowledged, not lifted up, not in the spotlight, but definitely not forgotten. Right. And overlooked and passed by. And that can happen. Um, and I think that's what a little bit about what you're describing is that the um, you know, standing up, but sometimes forgotten to be thanked. Um, you know, we thank this group, but forgetting to thank the leader of the group who's a nine. Right. So it's it's a it's a strange thing. And so um, when again, when we are conscious of this, it's so helpful for um that shortcut for understanding and love and compassion.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, and both for those that are listening, both Molly and I are both of our our husbands are nines, and um so we're super familiar with that the this type. And I noticed that one of the dynamics between Josh and I is that when I start moving faster, he starts moving slower. And it's like there's this, it's like he just kind of wants to retract, yeah, because I'm I'm all I'm moving too fast. Yeah, and so part of my own work is oh, to recognize that and to slow down and go, okay, come with me, like all these together, like let's be in this together. Your voice matters, what you have to offer matters, and to to slow down um in that way and for him to speed up, right? There's a balance there in that me to slow down and for him to speed up. Yeah, but it happens, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:There's see you're coming up with our next brainstorm for I know, right?
SPEAKER_00:The relationship dynamics, right?
SPEAKER_01:So for this podcast and this conversation, as we wrap up, we just want to say this you are not wrong for having expectations and hopes, or for any feelings you're having during this season. Um, it can come with all sorts of feelings anxiousness, um, grief, sadness, excitement, um, all the things. What matters isn't perfection, it is being aware and curious. Awareness gives you choices, it gives you space, it gives you compassion for yourself and for the people you love.
SPEAKER_00:And we hope that this conversation gives you language for what's happening beneath the surface and some interesting things to look out for as you navigate and wander through this holiday season. So thank you for being here with us. Thank you for doing your inner work. And remember, compassion changes the room every single time. So until next time, it's Wendy and Molly, and we're signing off.