Death By Adulting
A podcast focused on helping you make decisions today that you won't regret tomorrow. Hosted by Dr. Steve and Megan Scheibner. The Scheibners share wisdom and advice regarding marriage, parenting, dating, communication and even sex.
Death By Adulting
The Sassy Science of Maturing and Mating Rituals
Ever wondered why flamingos are pink or why opposites attract in the wild dance of love? Join me and Dr. Steve Scheibner as we unravel these mysteries with our unique blend of humor and insight, offering a colorful perspective on the adulting spectacle. From the curious courtship rituals in the animal kingdom to the baffling allure of jerks, we'll connect the dots between nature's quirks and our own complex human interactions.
This episode isn't just about laughs and head-scratching facts; it's a candid exploration of the deep impact our choices have on who we become. We dissect how the media we consume, the emotions we indulge, and the spiritual nourishment we seek, all tint our personalities with a hue as telling as a flamingo's feathers. Dr. Steve and I don't shy away from the tough topics—whether it's about keeping it real in relationships, debunking the myth of male compartmentalization, or revealing the secret sauce to a harmonious household.
To top off our adulting adventure, we take a playful jab at the zany world of baby products. Can you imagine spritzing your infant with perfume or shuffling them around in baby high heels? We share our own parenting tales and chuckles while navigating this bizarre bazaar. Hang around for our 'Adulting Pro Tips' and get a sneak peek at what's next: 'Parrots and Pandemonium.' Trust me, this grown-up journey is one you don't want to miss, and we're here to guide you through with laughs, empathy, and some unexpected wisdom.
On this episode of Death by Adulting. We discover why pink flamingos aren't really pink and what that has to do with sweet girls being attracted to total jerks. Next, why are men like waffles and women like spaghetti, followed by how to have a good fight, then really that's a thing. Strange baby products, our thoughts, megan's boss, adulting tip of the day, plus much, much more. Hold the intro. I wish that I knew what I know now when I was younger.
Speaker 2:Welcome back to Death by Adulting. I'm your host, Megan Scheidner, and I'm joined today by my co-host and one of the adultiest adults I know, Dr Steve Scheidner. Dr Steve, what have you done in the adult world so far today?
Speaker 1:What have I done in the adult world today? Well, okay.
Speaker 2:This is painful.
Speaker 1:This is painful. We switched bank accounts and payments that things came out of. So you know, all of us have like automatic drafts set up out of like credit cards and bank accounts and so forth and then and then you forget which comes out of what right over time and then eventually you'll get a thing that says oops, your payment didn't go through and you have to go and figure out how to do that. Well, we did this to ourselves. We actually switched bank accounts and cause we didn't like our old banks or switch into a new, yeah, for like 30 years. And so can you imagine how many things come out, like mortgages and I mean medical payments and all my word. So we went in this morning and we we didn't fight too much as we were going in and trying to rearrange things. Fortunately, a lot of the stuff is online now, which is, honestly, it's a lot easier than it used to be.
Speaker 1:Back in the old days, kids and and uh, you'll have to ask your parents about this one they had to make a phone call, right, and uh, they, uh, but back in the day they didn't have those phone chains that put you on hold forever. An actual person would answer the phone, but at any rate, I digress. So we we did do all of that, but that that's like adulting 101 switching bank accounts and and payments that come out. So, yeah, I'm glad we're here doing this, not having to do that. That was not a lot of fun for you.
Speaker 1:What's the word?
Speaker 2:Passwords.
Speaker 1:Oh, passwords. Oh, don't get me started. Okay, let's. Let's jump into an impromptu episode. If, if I were emperor for a day, if I were an emperor for a day, I'd get rid of all of those imbeciles that that. Set up passwords and have them change every 90 days, that's what I would do. Set up passwords and have them change every 90 days, that's what I would do. And the idea that it has to be complicated on top of it. So it's so complicated you can't remember what it is. You have to put a number in, and then you have to have a capital letter and then you have to put a special character in. Well, no, not all the time. Some of them won't let you put a special character in. So if you do, they kick out your password and every 90 days you're going to change it, and then you end up having to put all your passwords down someplace, on a piece of paper or in your phone or someplace, and that makes them completely unsafe. I'm better, thanks.
Speaker 2:All right, Great Well you know you teased a subject or a topic at the top of this that is very dear to my heart because you know I love pink flamingos you do in fact, when we, when we got our uh, our beach house that we use for retreats, it was the first time in my life that it was legal to decorate a room completely in flamingos I mean the light socket, the sheets, everything.
Speaker 1:So I can't wait to hear about the pink so let me make a little commercial for our beach house, because we rent the beach house for what? About 12 weeks out of the year over the over the summer, and it's available if you go to characterhealthcom, which is over there behind megan, and click the contact us tab, just say hey, I saw your podcast and I'm interested in renting your place. We rent our house for 50% less than everybody else does. Absolutely, it's an absolute bargain. All right, and you can stay in the pink flamingo room.
Speaker 2:Well, let me say why we rent it for that little. All of the emails we get back from people who are renting are we didn't think we were going to be able to take a vacation this year. And so for us that's like joy.
Speaker 1:It's a it's partly a ministry for us. It makes a little bit of money for us, but it's also a ministry to help people go on vacation that maybe couldn't otherwise afford it so important vacation is right, okay, so pink flamingos.
Speaker 1:So we started with that tease in the beginning and I said why are pink flamingos not really pink? And you and you think to yourself am? I said, why are pink flamingos not really pink? And you and you think to yourself am I, are my eyes deceiving me? No, adult flamingos turn pink, but baby flamingos are born gray and it's interesting because, uh, they, they aren't naturally going to become pink. It's what they eat that turns them pink, it's what they ingest. Right, this is, I think it's fascinating. They turn pink based on their diet. Flamingos eat, okay, flamingos eat, uh, larvae really, okay, well, no, kissing your flamingo, all right. Small insects, blue green, red algae, and that's the key the blue green, red algae, that stuff is the stuff that turns them pink over time. Mollusks, not to be confused with mussels, which are delicious, and crustaceans and small fish. So, having said that, darling um, the blue green, red algae stuff combined together, it has a an element of it called and I'm going to read it here beta carotenoid pigment.
Speaker 2:Okay, maybe I pronounced that wrong.
Speaker 1:I have an idea what that is Beta carotenoid, and if it sounds like a vegetable, you feed your children carrots. Carrots have carotenoid. Carrots have carotenoid pigment in them. It's the same stuff found in carrots. Okay, we just said that and that's why, when you feed your little baby carrots, they turn orange yeah, especially their nose, remember we had a couple that were like so you're not.
Speaker 1:You're not losing your mind when you go. Is that kid turning orange? Yeah, it's because of the carrots, and if you fed them nothing but carrots, they would be orange all the time, and yeah. So, having said that, we won't get political, so but that's so. That's why adult flamingos go from gray to pink. It's because of their diet. It's what they take in. Now, there's lots of springboards on this illustration, for, at least for me, we are what we eat. We are what we eat, and the things we take in very much affect what comes out of us.
Speaker 2:That's not just physical.
Speaker 1:That's not just physical. I'm talking about spiritual and emotional stuff. So let's, let's build a bridge now to relationships with couples, right? Whether you're married, dating just interested in somebody else, what you take in, what you ingest spiritually and emotionally, has a huge impact on who you become and how you present as a person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely. And and in all four of the gospels Jesus really clearly states it's not really your mouth, that's the problem. It's what's going on inside that comes out in your mouth.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And um, and that really ties back to the, the teaser you gave about sweet girls and bad boys right Cause we've known too many sweet girls that listened to winning words from somebody who had a really rotten heart. Right, right they were. They were covering what was really on the inside when their diet was, you know, vile and perverse.
Speaker 1:So help me understand this. I've been perplexed by this since I started getting interested in girls.
Speaker 2:Why do.
Speaker 1:When was that About age six? I've always really liked girls. Debbie Sprinkle, if you're out there, I just want to let you know that in kindergarten I had a crush on you and you probably know that after all these years. But if you're still out there and everything ever happens to her, then, uh, just give me a call. Debbie and all of them I don't know if anybody has a type all of them were blondes. Yeah, debbie Sprinkle was a cute little blonde. I don't think I dated anybody that wasn't a blonde. Yeah, so at any rate, I digress. Why do sweet girls get attracted to guys that are total jerks?
Speaker 2:You know that's a hard one to answer because it is true I wasn't that sweet but I was attracted to really bad boys also and I think it just feeds a little bit of the I can change them. That is in girls, it's well, he's in Anna Green Gables. She says this profound line.
Speaker 2:She says I wouldn't marry a really bad boy but I'd want one who could be, bad but wasn't Right, and so I think and this is part of how God made women we think we can bring pressure, of how sweet we are to help change this bad boy and give him a better life, but it never works and we know far too many young women that have been caught in that trap and then end up just hurt. Because the problem with these bad boys is they're not kind.
Speaker 1:There's nothing kind in a bad boy, they're not jerks and people draw a girl in and then treat her badly.
Speaker 2:And because of how God made girls, which is girls are loyal, right, you know, it takes a lot for a girl to break up with a boy. They're loyal. And then all of a sudden they have these bad boys and sometimes I know this was true of me. I was surrounded. I had a lot of guy friendships and they were really sweet guys and I didn't give them the time of day because I had a heart for these bad boys and and I let myself be mistreated, um, and then I'd cry on the shoulder of the sweet guys, but I didn't give them an opportunity.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's so. I've got a theory on on all this as well, cause I've thought about it over the years. It's interesting how many people think about something like this, but then they don't ever talk about it. And we're talking about it now on the podcast. But I, I think that I've watched.
Speaker 1:Um, manliness, masculinity, uh, just diminish over my lifetime and you know, 40 years ago, not that every guy was more masculine, but I see so many more effeminate men today, you know kind of hand wringers and you know purse wearers and playmates and guys that are soft handed and they might make good friends or companions to females, but females, ultimately, are attracted to guys that are masculine. Right, look at, okay. So now, this might not, this might not set the test of time, but right now Taylor Swift is dating Travis Kelsey. Travis Kelsey all over the news, it's all. It's all anybody can talk about, right, and whether they make it for the long haul is that's something for another day. But she's very feminine, she's a strong woman. I mean, she's very. Not only is beautiful, but she's a brilliant business.
Speaker 1:She's a brilliant business woman. She's a strong woman. Not every guy is going to catch her eye, but why is she attracted to this guy? He's masculine, he's a tough guy. He's not a jerk. I mean, he's a nice guy, but he's masculine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if you look in the news you can't miss it. I mean they're all over the news. They show the comparisons with the other guys she dated and there was a certain lack of masculinity in most of those guys Hand-ringers, yeah, travis. Kelsey just exudes masculinity, but he also exudes gentlemanliness.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And so he's a different breed. Like when I started dating you, you were a different breed than what I had been attracted to.
Speaker 1:Right, I was a nice guy but I was still assertive and masculine yeah, but nice guys but I was still assertive and masculine yeah, and there's a but nice guys, see, the problem is that here's where, matt, nice guys get off base because they watch all of the best looking girls and all the nicest girls and all the sweetest girls run after one jerk after another, right, and they get hooked up and they're like why in the world did I, how did I get friend zoned again? And this guy just treats her like crap and she just keeps going back. And then she comes to me and she cries on my shoulder and she says you know what? He just treats me like crap and I'm like I'm a nice guy, what's wrong with me? Well, yeah, I know you're going to be a great father someday and you're going to make a lot of money and you'll probably be a pillar of the business community. But this guy wears a leather jacket and he rides a motorcycle and he treats me like crap and I just can't get enough of it.
Speaker 1:And I think young girls mistake that jerk for somebody who's masculine because he comes off assertive but he's never going to provide for you any sort of security. He's always going to be. He's always going to be that guy that lets you down ultimately because he's selfish and self-centered. He's always going to be. He's always going to be that guy that that lets you down ultimately because he's selfish and self-centered and he's and it's. It's a false type of masculinity.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and this is, this is a not a good paradigm, but especially in in uh, young Christian girls, which I was one, there's a little sense of um, I really want to love Jesus, but I also want to be a little edgy and you can't be a little edgy with a good guy?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:That's not what they're looking for, right? But with a bad guy, if I'm a little edgy, he's going to think that's great.
Speaker 1:Right, you can't have one foot in both worlds, right, right, because decide who you are, choose. You decide this day who you're going to serve, and that's really a wisdom from the ages, for that, okay, so let's now segue a little bit. We talked about the idea of sweet girls and jerks, but let's go back to the notion of you are what you eat, what you take in spiritually and emotionally and everything else, and how does that impact relationships going forward? Give me an example.
Speaker 2:Well, so it's interesting Pink flamingos flamingos, excuse me, can't hide that they're pink, can they? No, right? So what we feed on, whether it's if we feed on biblical influences, if we feed on, you know, good fellowship, if we feed on things that help us build good character, that's going to be unmistakable. However, if we feed on men, pornography excuse me, I'm stuffy today um, gaming, uh, ladies, social media, the wine, culture, any of those things, it's going to be unmistakable too.
Speaker 2:You can't, for the long haul, hide who you really are now, can you? Can you, for a little bit of time, could you go into a group of people and try to kind of chameleon with them and hide that really, what's on the inside doesn't fit, maybe for an hour or two, but it will slip out. So what you feed on affects every relationship you're in, because eventually, um, you know, I have known young women who were like, well, all the church girls didn't include me and they didn't want me along, but they had that same girl had an edgy side, a rougher side of life where, honestly, the good girls were just making a choice not to be corrupted, right, because it came out eventually.
Speaker 1:Right. I think sometimes you see people who are they're not the same person every place they go. They are like a chameleon, they are um, they put it on for whatever crowd they're with at the moment and that person is ultimately very distasteful because you see through that and even if you're you're not with them in all these different venues, you kind of get that impression from them that they're they're putting it on for you but maybe there's somebody else and for me I I just when I was younger, I decided I'm going to be the same person wherever I am. Now you have to decide what type of person you want to be.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you could be a jerk anywhere you are.
Speaker 1:But at least you're a consistent jerk, right, you're not an inconsistent jerk. I'm not trying to be a jerk, I want to be a nice guy. And I figured well, you know what, if some girlfriend zones me, you know, then that's her loss really, because you were waiting right and you didn't friend zone me and uh, but you also, we were, you know, we were in our, you were what 22 when we met 21 20 20.
Speaker 2:I was 20 when we met oh. I'm a little younger than you oh, I was a cradle robber.
Speaker 1:Well, I was only 22 at the time. But you know, honestly back, honestly back in those days, that's a lot of that's, it's a big age difference.
Speaker 1:Cause I was about to graduate from college and you were what A sophomore and uh, but it all worked out Okay. So at any rate, you know you didn't friend zone me and I think at that point I had decided I wasn't really just going to date for the sake of dating, I really wanted to just get to know a woman. You know, before we started the romantic stuff and you had kind of come to the same place in your life and that was good. So we got to be friends for quite some time, even though you didn't friend zone me. There's something different between being friends and being. Oh no, that guy's always going to be a friend, right.
Speaker 2:I want to throw in a little parenting application here. Sure, because that idea of being a chameleon will end up being distasteful in relationships like employee-employer. Your friends, even your spouse, might put up with distasteful, but for your kids it's absolutely destructive. Put up with distasteful, but for your kids it's absolutely destructive, because if they watch mom be one thing at home or dad be one thing at home and something else out in public, uh, their whole view of the world is skewed right and you're teaching them really young that you can be a hypocrite. And, and for Christian parents who live this kind of chameleon life, you can expect that your kids are not going to walk with the Lord because they've seen that it's just an act and so it doesn't transform their hearts.
Speaker 1:Right, that's good. So you are what you take in.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so you need to. I think the takeaway from this segment, at least for me, is I need to kind of be a good judge of the things that I indulge in. Guys will try to say this, they'll try to make the argument, and this is going to lead us into our next segment. Here Guys are going to try to make the argument that I can view pornography and it doesn't affect anything else. I can spend eight hours a day gaming and it doesn't affect anything else. I can, you know, because guys tend to compartmentalize, more so than women do. That's a generalization I realized. That doesn't mean that women can't compartmentalize, but but men are like waffles and women are like spaghetti. We're going to talk about that in just a minute.
Speaker 1:Guys tended to do that. Where women, everything is connected in their lives like a piece of spaghetti, right, so they they see how things are related to one another. It's much more complex thing than than men um approach it at, and so guys either deceive themselves and but then they allow themselves the hedonistic, you know pleasures of life, thinking naively that it doesn't affect anything else. And it does. It affects everything. It comes out of who you are. Whether you think so or not.
Speaker 2:You radiate a certain spirit, and that spirit is what you have taken in yeah, we can say that from the counseling table, because sometimes and it goes both ways men or women, men or women will come in and say I can't explain it, but there's just this weird vibe in the house, and and, and then we that's a clue for us we begin to dig, because weird vibes come from somewhere, steve, I think there's a word, and, if I'm not wrong, we've hit on it in every episode but making these adult decisions that you know good decisions today that we won't regret tomorrow, it all comes down to being intentional, right?
Speaker 2:None of this happens by accident, right? If we just allow the ebb and flow of our culture and daily life, we are feeding on junk right. It's. You have to be intentional to feed on what's good. It's not. It's not as easy to feed on what's good.
Speaker 1:Right, adult adulting adulting, if you will is not something that you just. It's not a casual sport, it's not something you just ooze into and over time I guess why I've become an adult. I think it's something that you have to get real deliberate and, like you said, intentional about. Uh, it's hard work, uh, but with everything in life that's worth something. The more work you put into it, the more value you get out of it, and so that's. That's a great takeaway the idea that, uh, if I work hard at my job, I will get rewarded. If I work hard at my relationship with my spouse, I'll get rewarded. If I work on garbagey stuff, you're going to get nothing but garbage out, and then you wonder why your life isn't amounting to anything or you're not getting the satisfaction that you thought you should be getting. The adulting world has lots of challenges in it, but, at the same time, what you put in depends on what you get out of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and really the ultimate reward we're talking about is found in the Psalms. It says God honors those who honor him. And if you work hard to honor him by the intentional choices you make of what goes in and I think all of you would recognize this that we know some 20-year-olds who are really adultish I mean they're handling that transition to adulting very well. But I also know some 40-year-olds that behave like 18-year-olds and that it's like a little vomit in the back.
Speaker 1:I mean, it really is because you go.
Speaker 2:This doesn't fit Right, this just doesn't fit.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it doesn't Okay. So let's make the transition now to women are like spaghetti and men are like waffles. Now, there was a book years ago by that title men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti, and I bought it and you know it was okay. It was okay, um, great title, but the premise of it was men tend to compartmentalize, like a waffle right, and women tend to have everything connected. So, um, and my application of all of that is a gentleman, you know. Now listen to what I'm going to tell you. Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti. Everything is connected in their lives. And at one end of that noodle is you love me, and at the other end is you don't love me, and it's amazing how quickly you can travel from one end to the other.
Speaker 1:All right, my wife Megan, over here, this gal right here, the adorable, the fair and lovely Megan, she is a woman and everything in her life is very noodley and everything in her life is is connected. She is a gift giver, all right. So here's an illustration for you. Years ago she, she knows, I like button down collar shirts and she was out shopping and she was thinking I love that man, I'll get him a gift. Now I think if you love me, you should sit next to me and hold my hand or rub my head or pet me on some way. That's physical touch and closeness. But she's a gift giver, All right. So she's going to love me through getting a gift. The bottom of my love language list is gifts. Now, in another episode we'll talk about love languages. We'll unwrap all of this, but just follow me on this. So she's a gift giver.
Speaker 1:So she sees this nice shirt and it's in the cellophane, it's all got the pins in it, still all folded up. She buys it for me. She calls me on the way home and she says hey, who loves you? And I go oh, you do. And she says, yeah, that's right, I got you a gift, I got you a gift. That's how it always goes. And so she walks through the door and she's got it behind her back and she pulls it out, right, and she says I got you a gift here, it is a shirt and I like it. I liked it, it was a nice shirt. And so I go hey, great, thanks, honey, right, and I do what you do with your shirts, I. I then I'm going to now take this shirt and I'm going to put it in the shirt rotation. So I pull open the drawer with you know button down collar shirts and I put it at the bottom and it eventually, after about three weeks, makes its way back up to the top. I pull it out. Hey, next shirt in the rotation. I'm not a total jerk. I remember that she bought it for me. I take it out of the cellophane, I take the pins out of it, I don't even take time to iron it, I just put it right on. Now it's been three weeks since she gave me the shirt.
Speaker 1:I walked downstairs and I got the shirt on. I go hey, honey, what do you think about that shirt? You got me and I get this. It's fine. Oh, anything wrong, honey? Nope, no, everything's fine. Well, you seem a little off, are you sure? Everything's okay? No, everything's fine. Now I have no idea what I've stepped into. No clue whatsoever, because I'm a man, right, and the shirt was in a little compartment, little waffle compartment, and that was three weeks ago, it's not connected to today. And on her noodle I went from I got you a shirt. See how much I love you to. You don't really love me. So then, like the umpteenth time, as my mother would say. I asked her is anything wrong? And then I get this. You don't love me. How did we go from? How does the shirt look to? You don't love me. How did we do that?
Speaker 2:Every woman understands.
Speaker 1:I know they do. All the women right now are going oh you, beast of a man. That's right. I absolutely get what is going on with her. And the disconnect, as I learned later, was, if you are married to a gift giver, okay, you're married to a gift giver. Whatever it is that they bring you, you've got to do it with it right away. If it sprays, spray it. If it rolls, roll it. If it wears, put it on. So now she.
Speaker 1:I like sweatshirts too. So Megan comes home with a sweatshirt and she and I'm smarter. Now I put the sweatshirt on right away and I go hey, how does that sweatshirt look? Right, and then the next day, what do I do? I put the sweatshirt on. The third day I come out, I got the sweatshirt on. After about a week, that sweatshirt sort of like walking on its own. You know what I'm talking about. And then she goes hey, why don't you give that sweatshirt a rest? I'm like, ok, honey, but you know what, as soon as it's clean, I'm going to put it right back on. There's a little sarcasm in there, but I want to get full credit for that gift.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I've rubbed off on you because now, if you right away, or I buy a different version.
Speaker 1:Yes, but that's. We've been married together. The two of us have become one flesh over time, and I actually like giving gifts now, I know and I love that. Yes, you have trained me.
Speaker 2:It's interesting, though, the same way, that men have boxes right and women have the noodle, and men maybe don't understand the noodle Cause. Cause it's beyond gifts. It's things like um you, you didn't put your coffee cup in the dishwasher in the morning and I came out to dishes in the sink, which is my absolute lowest moment. Um, it affects how I am with you later in the day. For women, men do have boxes, and there there really is something called a nothing box. Now, that doesn't exist for a woman. There's nowhere on my noodle where nothing is happening in my noggin right, I am always thinking and and thinking.
Speaker 2:what's happening with my husband? What's happening with my children? Do I need this for the house? Does that bill? I mean, it's all so interconnected for a woman that when a man needs that little bit of nothing, space and I still don't understand it, but apparently you're not thinking about anything we have to allow them that. The same way they have to understand our noodling, we have to understand their box life right. Living with one another in an understanding way.
Speaker 1:I absolutely have a nothing box and I try not to go to it too often, but sometimes I'm there. It almost it's coincidental, because the times you asked me to go into the pantry and find something is usually when I'm in my nothing box. Oh, that's the reason. That's the reason. I think I've come up with a reason, because I'll go in. So guys, follow me on this, right?
Speaker 1:Do you go into a cold sweat when your wife says go find something, or go into the pantry and get the peanut butter right? Well, all of a sudden I'm like in a cold sweat, I start to panic, I get a little bit of I'm gonna have a panic attack. So I go in and I open up the door. I'm like, oh my god, where's the peanut butter? And I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm looking. I can't find it. It's nowhere. I'm pulling things aside, I'm looking behind things. I'm like she's gonna come in here any minute I've been in here for like three minutes and she's gonna come in and she's gonna grab the peanut butter. And, sure enough, she comes in after about three minutes and she goes Steve, uh, the peanut butter. And then she reaches right over your shoulder, right in front of you, right eye level, and grabs the peanut butter and pulls it out and and I go how was that? Even there, I didn't, I didn't see it and how? So how you do that.
Speaker 2:I don't know, ladies, I'm not an ogre, but you all know how this is. So it's not just you, do you?
Speaker 1:remember the banana incident.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to block it out of my memory. Okay, so I sent my two youngest sons Honestly, we call them the idiots sometimes, but my next youngest son had his driver's license and I was going to make them banana snack cake for their sports, right, I always had it.
Speaker 2:So they had a snack before their games, and so I sent them the two blocks away to the grocery store and I said I need a bunch of bananas, um, so just go get me some bananas, not too green, and come home with them. And they, um, they came home and they said well, there was a problem. The bananas were really small this time, so we bought you 24, cause we wanted to make sure you had enough. And they opened the bag and I had 24 plantains that they had gotten me. And they were so I don't know crushed by that experience that from then on, whenever I asked them to go to the store, I could see the sweat yeah like we, our youngest son is guatemalan.
Speaker 2:He'd go.
Speaker 1:He'd go, totally white right, sweat and be like you want me to go? To the store. Yeah, it looks like a banana, peels like a banana, quacks like a banana. It doesn't cook like a banana, but it's not a banana. That's like a panic for a male. It's like oh my god, and mom and I who knew? Right, right, well, that's how you know, that's how you learn. I still haven't figured out how I can't find things in the pantry, but anyways. So men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti.
Speaker 1:More on that in the future, because that's a tuck that into your tool yeah, that's a great illustration and we'll we'll keep talking about things that cause rubs in relationships, based on guys trying to compartmentalize and he's thinking why isn't she thinking more like me? And she's thinking why doesn't he think more like me?
Speaker 2:okay, so I want to go to a touchy subject yes because we're talking about what you feed on right ultimately, it's what we feed on that affects who we are right who we are and so, um, I said it can be distasteful to a spouse, but that distaste affects every part of our relationship.
Speaker 2:It isn't just, it isn't just a momentary thing and, speaking as a woman, if I feel like my husband is one way in public and another way with me, that's going to affect our sex life, I can't turn it on in the bedroom with someone that I'm just. He's distasteful to me.
Speaker 1:Correct. So the remember, guys, everything is connected with a woman. All right, and so you go. You can go quickly from you love me to you don't love me, and so the beginning of the day is connected to the end of the day. Follow me with this illustration. All right, and you're thinking, you know, it's been a few days.
Speaker 1:I'd like to kind of get, uh, you know, friendly shenanigans with my wife and uh, let's get hinky. There's a term from the early two thousands and uh, so at any rate, uh, you're, you're, you've got amorous thoughts towards her and you got up in the morning and you walked right by the dish. That was the sink that was full of dishes and you didn't do anything about it. Now I'm here to tell you, guys, here's how you get lucky. Later on, when you walk by that sink full of dishes, do the dishes, put them away. She's going to notice, right, she's going to go. Oh, wow, that man is so attractive, right, Make the bed if you can, If you got time, make the bed If she likes to make the bed. Even if she doesn't make the bed, put stuff away, straighten up a little bit, do some things that are friendly and helpful, to call her during the day, Not with you know? Hey, I really want to get lucky later on today. No, don't, don't do that straight out. Call thinking about you. You know, wink, wink, that kind of thing that's fine too, but don't just do that.
Speaker 1:So again, guys, everything is connected for her. If she feels and here's the key word if she feels secure, she feels well, taken care of, she feels like you're looking after her and you're interested in her needs, all of a sudden that woman blossoms and she opens up to you. But if you're pecking away at her and here's the illustration men are like. Here's the book I would write men are like hammers and women are like a glass vase. The book I would write men are like hammers and women are like a glass vase Long title. But when you're building a house, a hammer is very helpful. When you're decorating a house and making it lovely and something warm and something you want to live in, a glass vase is perfect.
Speaker 1:So she is delicate, she's a little weaker in some ways, Not inferior, she's just weaker. If you hammer her like an old two by four or a nail and you're sarcastic and you're short tempered and you're impatient and you treat her like one of the guys and it's always trash talk with your wife, and oh, you know I'm just kidding why don't you take it, lighten up, why don't you? If you're doing that with her all the time and then you go to cozy up to that glass vase that you've just chipped away at, you're going to get cut. You just are. So, guys, we need to treat our wives delicately, nicely, connectedly, like they are. If you do that, some good things are going to happen for you and also for her. So, like you said, if you want to improve the quality of your sex life, it's not a stop. Stop going to all those sites that tell you about better technique and all the things that you need to do in bed. They're just trying to sell you something.
Speaker 2:That's a physical act.
Speaker 1:That's a physical act. The physical act will take care of itself if you take care of the emotional, spiritual side of things.
Speaker 2:by realizing that everything in a woman's life is connected, I just gave you total insight to the key of understanding male female relationship all right, and I'm just gonna fine-tune that a little bit, because women are not stupid men and if every time you put the dishes in the dishwasher, uh make a bed maybe, uh change a diaper, whatever it is, then you're like, uh okay, sex, you owe me sex. They not dumb.
Speaker 1:So like you, only do that like every three days.
Speaker 2:That ought to be that ought to be a regular occurrence that you come alongside. That's what we do as spouses. We help one another and and there may be jobs in your home that are pretty traditionally laid out, that doesn't mean you can't do the other ones. I mean it's the same in a church we used to run into well, I sing special music, so I can't scrub a toilet. No, that's not how life works. And then the other part of the fine tuning is for the ladies. It doesn't matter whose job it is. If Steve does something for me, I thank him, because gratitude builds. It just builds oneness and relationship. And it isn't you aren't lowering yourself, it isn't humbling to thank someone for loading the dishwasher, it's just grateful, right, and the more gratitude and thankfulness we show for each other, the more united we're going to be in our relationship. And the more united you are in your relationship, the more that's going to show up in every area of your life, including the bedroom.
Speaker 1:Yep, absolutely Well said, All right. So if you've made it this far in this episode, you've liked what you've seen so far, do us a favor, click that like button down below and subscribe, so you don't miss any of this great content, and really do us a favor and share this with all of your friends out there. If you think there's somebody would benefit from it, even if you don't think they were, just share it with them that that would help us out a great deal. You know how this works, all right, so thanks. Now, uh, having said that, let's jump into the next one. All right, so, uh, we're talking about how to make things go better in certain places, but how about when things go wrong? You were going to talk about how to have a good fight.
Speaker 2:Yes, and there are ways to have a good fight, right? We personally call it heated fellowship, because you know we're Christians and so you have to. Christianize everything. But there are times that Mr Scheibner and I have had heated fellowship, where we have a fight, and there are things when two sinners live under the same roof. You're going to rub each other like sandpaper, and that's a good thing, but the process of being rubbed by the sandpaper is sometimes painful, and so how do you have a fight that glorifies god? Isn't that a weird concept?
Speaker 1:steve, because yeah, it is.
Speaker 2:It's a weird concept eat or drink or have a good fight. Whatever we do, you do all to the glory of god first corinthians 10, 31, right, that's right option of having an unglorifying fight. Okay, we gotta figure out a way to glorify God.
Speaker 1:So are there rules to having a good fight.
Speaker 2:There are, I suppose you would call it rules of engagement.
Speaker 1:Oh good, I like that Very pithy.
Speaker 2:Remember, the goal of a good fight isn't that I win and you lose or you win and I lose. It's that we come to a mutual understanding, not a mutual agreement, always but a mutual, mutual understanding.
Speaker 2:So the first rule for a good fight is this fold your hands. Fold your hands. Uh, fights are one of those things that feel a little out of control. Right, you begin your. Your blood pressure rises a little bit, you begin to get you. If you look at yourself in a fight, you begin to breathe a little faster. Um, if there's this pressure that comes from it, fold your hands. That's focusing technique. It works for toddlers too, but that's another episode. Fold your hands and begin to focus on what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:The second rule is this make eye contact. Make eye contact with one another. And, ladies, that's not rolling your eyes, that's not your ugly eyes, it's not glaring, it's looking at one another so you can see the emotion behind the words that are being said. That's why you can't fight over text. There's no emotion in the two-dimensional world of texting or emailing. And so when couples say to us well, we had this text exchange in fact we had a dear we call her, our ninth child lived with us who was just a young woman and she used to fight with her boyfriend and she had a flip phone and she was always almost out of charge, so she'd be plugged in in the kitchen sitting on the floor and she'd be typing away bang, shut the flip phone, open it up, type it away, boom. And they never resolved anything because it was this two-dimensional fighting. So look one another in the eyes. And the third is this, and it's going to seem a little tedious, but it is so helpful Repeat back just a brief restatement of what you heard your spouse say, and don't do it word for word.
Speaker 2:You can't do that without being sarcastic. Sarcasm never helps a fight. It's like pouring gasoline on a fire. But repeat it back, because you know what? Sometimes? Steve says something to me and I'm all riled up and what I hear is radically different from what he said. And when I repeat it back, he can say no, no, no. Here's exactly what I said. And it helps us get to that resolution of understanding one another much more quickly and with far fewer casualties.
Speaker 1:Right, right, so fold your hands hold your hands, make eye contact, repeat back a summary of what the other person's yeah, and and don't be shocked by fights.
Speaker 2:I mean it comes, but, honestly, the quicker you deal with issues and and I'm sure we're going to talk about how those issues pop up in another episode but the more quickly you can deal with them, um, fighting, fighting fairly the less conflict you will have in your relationship.
Speaker 1:Right, and we, we do fight. This way I can always tell when we're having an argument because one of us will do like this and then we'd stop. But it lowers the temperature in the room and that's the key is lowering the temperature in the room, because it's easy to start exchanging ugly words and things get out of control, and then I'm going to go silent. I'm going to make you pay, boy, when you start to get in that tit for tat thing that's going on. The temperature elevates. You want to lower the temperature, right? A gentle answer turns away wrath, right? Proverbs 15, 1.
Speaker 2:Great wisdom from the ages. Remember the little concept we taught in the last episode Different isn't wrong, different is just different. That really shows up in good ways.
Speaker 1:Yeah, many times the fight starts because we don't believe difference, different. We believe it's wrong. Yeah, that's why we say understanding because I'm a man and I think like a waffle and you're a woman and you think like spaghetti.
Speaker 2:I know it's going to affect everyone.
Speaker 1:It is everybody. Everything's going to get connected. The whole world's going to come to an end. It's all going to fall apart and the guy's going no, no, no, it's just three minutes from now. You'll forget about the whole thing, right, okay, good, good, all right. So that's how you have a good fight. All right, are you ready for this next one? Because I am stoked about what's coming next. Okay, what's next? All right, this is really that's a thing, and I didn't show you any of this stuff ahead of time. I want to surprise you with this, but I found a website that's got strange baby products strange baby, not your baby strange, but strange products for babies and I want your thoughts and I will share our thoughts, but I want your thoughts about this stuff, so let me okay.
Speaker 2:Well, let me just say something about products for babies. I don't often claim supreme authority on something, but I had eight tiny humans that I raised and they're still alive and thriving. And so I'm going to say that I'm a supreme authority on this. I know what works, what doesn't work, what's a waste of money, what's unnecessary, and so I'm ready for this, and I want to dedicate this segment to our nine grandchildren, hopefully ten by ten by tonight and and kids.
Speaker 2:I just want to tell you, grandma and poppy, have your back, regardless of what your parents think, will protect you from some of these products okay, so let me let me put, let me put the website up on the screen here, alright, so you can see it.
Speaker 1:Take a minute to just take a look at it and forget about all the advertising on the screen. But there it is. There's the first product, but from Burberry. It's baby perfume. Your thoughts?
Speaker 2:Are you kidding me? First of all, baby smell, except when they're poopy, is the best smell on earth. I mean, there's a reason we take babies and just inhale that smell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're right. Clean cleans fresh out of the bath baby. Oh yeah, there's no smell like that. Yeah, you want to just like that. That's a good thing, that's right.
Speaker 2:Baby perfume. You don't need perfume.
Speaker 1:So I'm looking at it again Baby perfume, was that like Udupoo or what is?
Speaker 2:that. I don't know, maybe you do, so you don't have to change the diaper, but that's not going to work. Okay, all right.
Speaker 1:Let's keep. Let's keep scrolling. You got a thumbs down on the all right. Oh okay, this is a. It's a baby butt fan.
Speaker 2:B-U-T-T fan.
Speaker 1:Okay, I see it says for when you, when they have diaper rash.
Speaker 2:We're all for avoiding diaper rash. Oh, my word, yeah, just put on the uh. You know we used to use uh, it was called bag balm. Remember that bag balm is what you use so what do you do?
Speaker 1:do you get the baby? Just, you make them sit there and you put a fan on their butt you know that's probably more useful for adults.
Speaker 2:We actually know some, uh, some nearer to us who have hemorrhoids and maybe you want a baby butt fan at night for your, for your hemorrhoids no no, baby.
Speaker 1:Wow, did you just say the h word on this podcast? That's not even funny. No, okay, back to the scrolling. Yeah, no, that's a. That's all right, baby, butt fan, what's this one diaper changing glove sacks? Okay, that's just too much work yeah, that's too much work, yeah, that's too complicated, even for an organized person. That's just oh, no, no, no, no, baby, high heels, turn your baby into a tramp.
Speaker 2:Don't, don't wait, start when they're a baby here's the deal you're gonna put those high heels on your baby and then um, and then, when they're like 12 and they want heels, you're gonna say oh no, you're far too young, and they're gonna pull out their baby pictures. That's hypocrite. That's horrible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's horrible. Baby height what that's? That's horrible. That, wow, okay, tippy enough. All right, we got to move on from that. One baby high heels. What is this one baby bangs well, okay, that's just funny.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, that's funny. I might use that one just for the laugh value. Okay, uh, that's okay, a baby bath thermometer bath thermometer.
Speaker 1:That's okay, all right, you like that product yeah, I wish they had that with us.
Speaker 2:I would never have used those.
Speaker 1:A pee-pee, tee-pee. Have you ever seen a baby boy pee before? Okay, wait a minute, that's the most.
Speaker 2:This is what this is for. So we have four boys and four girls. So when you change a little boy, sometimes if you are not quick enough, you get sprayed in the face.
Speaker 1:It's called the fountain of youth.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes. All that is is you don't need it. You don't need a PPTP, you just need to build your speed. It's the little bit of exercise moms get during the day.
Speaker 1:Either change the diaper quicker or here's the. Here's the key, right? I learned this take the new diaper and put it over the fountain of youth, right? So that if it does have a moment, it goes into the new diaper and all you got to do is get another diaper. Are you with me on that?
Speaker 2:And if you see it coming, stop drop and roll, man.
Speaker 1:Stop, drop and roll the PPTP. Okay, all right. Oh, this one. I saw this one earlier. You're going to like this.
Speaker 2:You should tell me about this one.
Speaker 1:Okay, this is the why Cry, and this is a device that tells you why your child is crying.
Speaker 2:All right. This is why God gave mothers intuition. This just reeks of baby Ouija board to me. So don't bring a baby Ouija board into your household. Just you figure it out.
Speaker 1:But look at this, look at this. This device, at whatever price you pay for it, can discern your child's cry and it can tell you no, that child is just annoyed. No, that child is hungry. No, that child is what. What's this one up here, I don't know, bothered or something it's like. Are you kidding?
Speaker 2:me, and it comes with a set of Ginsu knives.
Speaker 1:Now you know what.
Speaker 2:If it seems too good to be true, it's too good to be true. Don't bring that into your house.
Speaker 1:It's PT Barnum that said there'sa sucker born every day and if you're a sucker, buy that this thing. You don't need that this thing. Yeah the, why cry? The babies cry for a living. That's what. That's what they do. It helps them develop their lungs. It's actually a good thing. Who cares why they're crying?
Speaker 2:babies and teenage girls, both. Sometimes they're crying just because it's a day that ends in one.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, be honest yes, all right, yes, we'll talk. We'll have to do a whole episode on the drama that's associated with teenage daughters, but that's that's for another. Okay, all right, let's go back to this. What is this one?
Speaker 2:Oh, it's a Bobby.
Speaker 1:A baby mop.
Speaker 2:Oh no, that's the baby.
Speaker 1:Oh, my word. So you put a mop on the bottom of your baby so your baby can get disgusting and dirty. One word for that what ew, ew yeah, no, don't do that no baby.
Speaker 2:That's disgusting the supreme expert says you don't need that a crumb cap just wash their heads when they're done.
Speaker 1:Okay, night, nelly all right, a visual stimulation shirt. Okay, a visual stimulation shirt. No comment, just keep going. You want to stimulate them visually? Get rid of the shirt. Okay, yeah, stop, just keep scrolling. Was that for the baby or was that for dad? A poop alarm.
Speaker 2:What's a poop? Alarm your nose, your nose is a poop alarm you don't need it. Wow, all these things you can spend money on. Okay, it's a spare alarm, you don't need it. Wow, all these things you could spend money on. Okay, it's a spare rib teether. You can get that at Petco and it's probably a little cheaper.
Speaker 1:This is how to raise a redneck right Like other kids, just have a normal little binky teether. But a redneck, a spare rib redneck.
Speaker 2:Actually, we knew some really big babies that had steak before they had teeth. They might like that.
Speaker 1:Okay, the baby lasso. Explain that to me.
Speaker 2:Anything that says lasso with your child. You don't need. I mean honestly, you're just making what is a three-minute job, a 15-minute job, so throw it out.
Speaker 1:It just looks like a visit to the gyno. That's awful. Yeah, it does. That's horrible. Those are actually okay I like a mesh feeder. What is it?
Speaker 2:yeah, you can put soft baby food in it and they just suck on it.
Speaker 1:That'd be great in the car okay, all right, that's a good thing. All right, a white warmer, let's.
Speaker 2:Let's finish with this one okay, oh no, there's one after there's one, okay, yeah yeah, so white warmers are. Actually I kind of wish they'd had them. We lived in ma, maine when we had several of our babies and I do remember leaving the wipes in the car and bringing them in and having to crack them.
Speaker 1:Oh, they were frozen solid. They were frozen solid, yeah, that's. You know the kids didn't like it so much, but you know you need a wipe.
Speaker 2:It's kind of funny, yeah, so yeah, I could have used a wipe warmer.
Speaker 1:I may have bought one of those for my daughters too. What's next here?
Speaker 2:The shower cap. Yeah, that's okay, that's okay. Actually I know one of our teenage sons that would have liked that.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, here we go. I like this one, the thud guard. It's got little ears on it.
Speaker 2:Okay, so for that's for your-.
Speaker 1:What is a thud guard?
Speaker 2:You're learning to walk, baby, so when they fall over they don't hit their little noggin, and so, um, I learned to walk when I was about eight and a half months old. I still have like a dent in my forehead and it upset my mother how often I had bruises on my forehead that she covered.
Speaker 2:We have baby pictures of me with my forehead covered in corn pads, you know this little thing like that was gonna stop a concussion, so I actually the fun card with a child if you have a child that walks at eight and a half months maybe, but you probably, you probably.
Speaker 1:The whole health and safety thing drives me crazy. We'll do a whole episode on that. But you know why don't you just wrap your kid in bubble wrap and then put them in bed and don't ever let them get out? I mean, life has a lot of perils, yeah let me wrap this one up for you.
Speaker 2:So you know what. There are tons of things you could buy, but the truth is they take more time and moms. Your time is already a precious commodity with a baby. And secondly, god gave you everything you need to be a mom you have a nose, you have eyes, you have ears, you have hands. You can do it.
Speaker 1:You don't need all the stuff yeah, you don't need all the stuff, that's, that's for sure.
Speaker 2:But well, thank you for that wow, that was worth a good laugh okay, I might buy the baby bangs, though, for our grand baby well, that finishes.
Speaker 1:Really, that's a thing. Yeah, we're gonna do that fairly often, just because that's just so much fun. Okay, all right. So let's let's segue now to our final segment for this podcast and let's do Megan's boss adulting. Tip of the day. Take it away, meg.
Speaker 2:Here's your boss tip so you can win at adulting.
Speaker 2:So all of us all of us deal with finances, and especially in this economy, it's worse than ever. So when you see something that you know you like it, you love it, you got to have it. That's a. That's a Cold Stone, creamery ice cream quote. Do this, go ahead, put it in your Amazon basket, but then I want you to think about it. I want you to think about it for 48 hours, please. And if at 48 hours it's still something you you gotta have, then find a way to get it. But often I put things in that basket and two days later I go. You know what? I have something that would work for that. Um, don't spend the money. Don't make a decision today recklessly on Amazon, which is just as addictive as any other you know addictive thing. Don't make a decision today that you're going to regret tomorrow. Give yourself 48 hours and just think about it.
Speaker 1:That's great advice. That's really great advice. There's your adulting pro tip of the day, boss tip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, a boss tip of the day you can win at adulting From Meg.
Speaker 1:All the day boss tip. Yeah, a boss tip of the day you can win at adulting from meg. All right, folks. Well, that's going to wrap it up for this episode. On our next episode of death by adulting, we're going to talk about parrots and pandemonium, parrots and pandemonium and what that has to do with your relationship and uh, but I'm you're you with that? More trivia from the animal world. You are the boss at that. All right, megan, you are.
Speaker 2:Get us out of here well, thanks for joining us here at death by adulting. I'm your host, megan scheibner, with my co-host, dr steve, and remember, when it comes to adulting, what doesn't kill you just makes you tired.
Speaker 1:We'll see you next time.