Death By Adulting
A podcast focused on helping you make decisions today that you won't regret tomorrow. Hosted by Dr. Steve and Megan Scheibner. The Scheibners share wisdom and advice regarding marriage, parenting, dating, communication and even sex.
Death By Adulting
Five sure-fire ways to ruin your sex life. Plus, how to unpack miscommunication!
Ever been handed a floating light bulb as a token of love? You're not alone, and you're in for a treat! This episode of Death by Adulting kicks off with Megan Scheibner and Dr. Steve Scheibner hilariously dissecting some of the most ridiculous "romantical" gifts ever suggested. From fill-in-the-blank love journals to bizarre gadgets, we laugh our way through why some gifts might be better off never leaving the store shelf. Spoiler alert: you might rethink your next romantic gesture! Plus, five sure-fire ways to ruin your sex life. You will want to avoid these triggers!
Ever had a fight over who holds the door for who? We bet you have. Our conversation then takes a serious turn as we unpack the "expectation trap" and the anger that often follows unmet expectations in relationships. Using relatable and laugh-out-loud anecdotes, we explain how miscommunications can spiral into bigger conflicts and why it's crucial to address anger before it gets out of hand. Drawing wisdom from Ephesians 4:26, we offer actionable advice on open communication and tackling anger, ensuring your relationship stays strong and harmonious.
Finally, we tackle the everyday quirks of coupledom, from the comedic misuse of household tools to the trials of navigating each other's spaces. Megan's "adulting boss tip of the day" will have you rethinking how you manage your time and priorities. We wrap up with a lighthearted yet important discussion on early sexual education for teenagers in today's complex world, sprinkled with funny and heartwarming family stories. Tune in for a mix of laughter, wisdom, and practical advice to enrich your relationship and everyday life.
On this episode of Death by Adulting, how the top four most romantical gifts for men and women contribute to the five sure ways to ruin your sex life. Next, who thought that was a good idea? Women in our garages, men in our kitchens, hmm. Followed by Megan's adulting boss tip of the day. And finally, where do babies come from? Top five best answers for kids, plus much, much more Roll the intro. I wish that I knew what.
Speaker 2:I know now when I was younger. Here we are another episode of Death by Adulting. I'm your host, megan Scheimer. I'm joined here at the Death by Adulting table by my co-host, dr Steve Scheibner, and this is all the loves. This episode we're talking about all things, love, huh.
Speaker 1:We are going to talk about all things love, I think we should just jump right into it.
Speaker 2:small talk today, yeah, no, okay all right um.
Speaker 1:So you wanted I. I did in the teas, I did the um the top four romantical gifts um for couples and actually the, the website that that we found, and there's a lot of entertainment to be gleaned from different websites, and so this one was uh 97 romantical things that you can give each other, that get the, you know, get the thing the spark going.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was cruising through it looking to see if there'd be anything that interested you, and we picked four.
Speaker 1:We couldn't make it well, and let's in in all full disclosure, we couldn't make it past the first four. Yeah, it was so like that. It was just disgusting and it didn't spark any romance in me whatsoever not sure who wrote the article.
Speaker 2:Pretty sure they've never been on a date probably never been out of their mom's basement.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but hey, you know what this stuff is entertaining so I think we ought to look at it so all right. So we're going to get to the more serious stuff, which is the five things that we do that ruin good sex. But but let's get started out with the the four things, let me. Let me show you number one seriously here it is I'm gonna put on the screen all right now.
Speaker 1:Ignore all the stuff in the sides. This is a. It's a big old website and uh, and that thing right there. That was gift number one. Gift number one the floating light bulb.
Speaker 2:So, steve how would you feel if I gave you that as a gift?
Speaker 1:How would I feel if you gave me a floating light bulb as a gift? Let me see. Romantical is not in the top ten.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, I would feel kind of like this Like well, well, thank you, honey. Just what I wanted this Father's Day a floating light bulb. And I'll put that in my man cave. Let's look at what the write up says about it. It sells it to us this way. It says need a gift that will amaze him. It'll amaze him alright then this light bulb will just do that. Who writes this stuff? It says it is going to be cool for his man cave and definitely a great conversation starter when his friend came to visit.
Speaker 2:Okay, so who wrote that. Not only who wrote wrote that, but these are supposed to be romantical gifts, and so I'm not sure why we care about the friend who's coming to visit but what am I reading? That wrong, it's is going to be so cool. Yeah, there's a job for everyone there is a job for everyone.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's number one, and it's uh it might kill the mood right away yeah, all right. Yeah, there's a. There's a big thumbs down on number one. All right, all right, let's take a look at number two. I'm going to scroll over to this one. All right here, it is all right. Number two on the list is on your screen now. A little book that says a little journaling book that says what I love about you by me. Now I can tell you honestly, honey, that every dude gets up every morning and he thinks to himself. I wish that woman in my life would give me a journal with her thoughts about what she thinks about me.
Speaker 2:I think you're not being truthful. No, I'm being.
Speaker 1:I'm being very truthful, because that's what really drives men to romance.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no.
Speaker 1:All of her gushing thoughts about you written down in a book forever. Let's take a look at what the write-up is on this. Maybe it's even better grammar than the last one. Want to write something sweet for your loved one, but not too sure what to write? But not too sure what to write. Then you got to check out this journal, where all you need to do is fill in the blank. This will be the most personalized gift that your loved one ever received. Okay, yeah, it'll.
Speaker 2:It's a fill-in-the-blank love letters.
Speaker 1:It's a fill-in-the-blank. It's like mad li letters. It's a fill in the blank.
Speaker 2:It's like mad libs. Pick an adjective, pick a verb.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Wow, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:That's very romantical, all right, so let's go down here. Let me show you this one. This is the next one that we put up on the screen. All right, there, it is the amazing floating globe. All right, there, it is the amazing floating globe. I think this was put forward by the floating whatever people.
Speaker 2:I just have to ask you I'm a woman, Maybe I don't understand this, but what's the deal with floating for men?
Speaker 1:I don't know what the association with floating and romance is.
Speaker 2:Okay. But somebody's trying to sell you this. Somebody says yeah.
Speaker 1:The top 97 romantic gifts that you can give somebody. There it is the floating globe.
Speaker 2:I won't waste the money.
Speaker 1:Let's see how the grammar department weighs in on this one. Looking for an incredible gift. They did put a question mark at the end of that. That's good. Good, that's an A+. A magnetic levitation floating globe is an amazing object that unfolds a lot of surprises. Yeah, I bet it does. It rotates continuously in the air all by itself, which makes you wonder. While it spins, it shows the map of the world. It must say the feeling is very high and might be the best gift in this desk.
Speaker 2:Pretty amazing that the globe shows the map of the world. Let me read that last sentence again.
Speaker 1:All right, I'm going to read it again. I must say, oh, I said it. Must say, I must say the feeling is very high and might be the best gift on his desk. Okay, all right, sure, why not?
Speaker 2:So if you're married to a gift giver and they give you that, you're going to have to display it rather than yard sale it. That's true.
Speaker 1:You're actually going to have to put these things out, which again might kill the mood altogether. All right, number four this is on the guy's side. You're going to go next with the women's ones. Here it is folks Look at it on the screen. All right, it's a bullet that's made into a pen. Oh, that's so clever. I would have never thought to do that. That is the cleverest thing I've ever seen. All right, and so if your girlfriend is not an NRA member, she's going to love it. She's going to give you this for sure. Have you seen a pen made from real bullet? If your husband is a hunter, policeman or one who served in the military comma this .50 caliber bullet pen is just the perfect gift for him. Now, honey, I have to say I served in the military and I was even in law enforcement for a little while. I sat up some nights dreaming that you would buy me a bullet pen, and you never did.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry, I never bit the bullet and bought it.
Speaker 1:Oh God, that's bad. There's no excuse for that pun.
Speaker 2:You'll be happy to hear.
Speaker 1:That was an unforced error you will be happy to hear.
Speaker 2:I never spent any money on these things for you. I didn't buy you any of them.
Speaker 1:Right, I got to finish reading this. Okay, here it is Back on the screen. It is a complete replica of a bullet, packaged in a well-carved wooden box. Don't be surprised if he stops writing with every other pen until he gets hold of his bullet pen. Every other pen until he gets hold of his bullet pen. Oh man, honey, this would really get the mood going if you just got me, so avoid this website. We probably should post the website um. I looked the foremost, romantical.
Speaker 1:Romantical isn't really a word no, it's a made-up word by me but we use it but you know what these people are making up words and they're making up phraseology. So I can make up words.
Speaker 2:We can do what we want to do so these are ones for women, and I'm not as high tech as you, so yeah, you're just, you're just gonna read them off my iphone and, um, you say whether you would buy this for me a collection of date night journals to document our memories together I would buy that for you would you buy that me?
Speaker 1:Only if I was forced at gunpoint.
Speaker 2:Yeah and you'd have to color code it, so don't do that one.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:We do know some people that have done this one A personalized love song that captures our unique story. No, you didn't even have to write one, because I told you what our song was.
Speaker 1:Well, you did, you did, Okay, all right, all right. Told you what our song was? Well, you did, you did, okay, all right, all right. Guys, come here with me for a minute, all right, I'm going to take you on a journey. Some of you have been on this journey, some of you will be on this journey, but there's that moment where you're dating a girl. She's really nice, you're into her, she's into you, things are moving along, and then she drops the big bomb on you. And the bomb oh, there's our song. It's playing and you're thinking to yourself dude, I didn't know, we had a song, and so I'm dating the fair and lovely mrs shy man, very lovely and perhaps challenged in some areas yes, the fair, lovely and lyrically challenged, uh, megan.
Speaker 1:All right, so I'm, I'm dating the fair and lovely and lyrically challenged Megan, all right. So I'm dating the fair and lovely and lyrically challenged Megan and she says there's my song. Now, this is back in the 80s. Okay, all right, early 80s. And the song was Our Love is in Jeopardy, baby, jay Giles band. Yes, our love is in jeopardy, baby. And I'm listening to the words. I'm thinking is she trying to send me a message here? Our love is in jeopardy. She thought the words were I love you desperately, baby, which was great. That would have been a good song too.
Speaker 1:That just wasn't a song that was ever written. Should have been, but that's why we say that the fair and lovely here is lyrically challenged. So I was. But there's that moment, guys, it's coming, where she says, ooh, that's our song. You better be prepared for that moment I came from a good heart. All right so personalized love song.
Speaker 2:We don't need that one. Okay, a huggable love letter that can be cuddled when you're apart. Nothing says cuddled like paper. I don't know that's a thing, a letter, a huggable love letter.
Speaker 1:How about an edible love?
Speaker 2:letter that can be digested. Oh, I miss him. That's called ice cream.
Speaker 1:We're going to come up with our own list A digestible love letter that you can eat when he's gone.
Speaker 2:All right, and one more A personalized comic book that illustrates your relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's great. Yeah, all right. Sure, I want to go back to the song one.
Speaker 2:Is it like I'm singing, like I make up a song?
Speaker 1:I think so, we went to pizza hut and I knew I loved you when you had the lettuce hanging from your uh teeth and I didn't say anything and you didn't notice. You know, I mean is that I?
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know, we won't do those gifts.
Speaker 1:Don't do those gifts okay, especially if you don't want to fail at this next area yes, okay. So that's, that's fun and tongue and cheek and probably doesn't have anything to do with what we're going to talk about next.
Speaker 1:But all right, let's, let's make a really awkward segue now into talking about the five sure ways to ruin good sex, and there are some things, folks, that you can do Now. Megan and I are in the relationship business. We've been married for coming up on 40 years this year. We have counseled a lot of couples. This area of marital intimacy comes up all the time. It's a, it's a hot topic with people. It's an area for a lot of dysfunction. In relationships. Things can go wrong real fast. Area for a lot of dysfunction. Yeah, in relationships, things can go wrong real fast. There's a lot of emotions tied up in all of this and so this is a very serious thing with a lot of people and we're a little we're being a little cynical in the way we're approaching it the five ways to ruin good sex.
Speaker 2:But through the negative, we're going to teach you the positives yeah, and there's a reason we're going that way, because perhaps the lack of sex, which is what we're encountering a lot, with couples comes from five ways to ruin good sex.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about that for just a minute, because we're dealing with a lot of couples now in their early mid-20s, late 20s, in good health. That can't remember the last time they had sex.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they have virtually no sex drive.
Speaker 1:No, the last time they had sex. Yeah, they have virtually no sex drive. No sex drive, no sex life, or with each other, which is just mind-numbing to me. I'm like what in the world are you talking about? And that shouldn't be. And so something is going wrong, something is amiss here. And then, as counselors, we're brought in to say, okay, let's talk about some things, and there are certain areas that we can go and talk about and others, though, that contribute to it that aren't so obvious, and I think the top five areas that we've come up with, uh, other than maybe there's something physiologically wrong with one or both of you, and that's that's a real thing. The first place we'll send you for is if you're got no libido, if you got no sex drive and you're in your twenties or thirties, um, we're going to send you for a blood test.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Go to the doctor, get your blood taken, find out what your testosterone levels are Men and women. By the way, women have testosterone too, just not as much. And from the answer to that question then we will springboard into other areas, depending on what it is. Many times, low testosterone is an easy thing to fix, but it is a culprit with a lot of younger people. Yeah Right, and we'll do a whole thing on that some other time, but right now, let's talk about five other things that just ruin it, just ruin the mojo. Okay, number one on the list is the expectation trap. So talk to us a little bit about the expectation trap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when either spouse comes into the room with an idea of how things should be like uh, every time we're together it should be, you know, fireworks and and you're talking about expectations regarding sex.
Speaker 2:Yes, regarding sex with one another. So so there can be the you know we have an expectation of as a woman. He's always going to woo me and it's, and I'm going to feel so drawn to him. And then we're going to come together and maybe the reality of our life is, with children, the age our children are we're going to have a quickie, whatever it is, but we have an expectation and we're let down, and so that's going to ruin not just the episode of sex you're having, but, to come right, what's coming next in your relationship? Because now you've got a bad feeling towards sex or expectations of. Well, this is how it has to be done, especially if you've been raised in the church.
Speaker 2:There can be some real strong expectations of no, we can't do that, yeah, we must do that, and not taking the time to really find out what scripture says and the freedom that we're given as believers in this area.
Speaker 1:Right. So you end up, you end up looking like this couple, show them up on the screen, you know, back to back, upset with each other, both of them thinking about something, but they're just mad. They're angry with each other because some expectation wasn't wasn't met. And it could be I think you're're it's well said. It could be a sexual expectation, it could be any sort of expectation that the think about the times and I'll I'll. I share this example a lot in with crowds, but this didn't have anything to do with sex, it just had. It was an expectation I had that you didn't meet, yeah, and we got upset and we fought for all like a whole weekend over this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it doesn't lead to great sex it doesn't't know.
Speaker 1:And uh, but I was, uh, I went to Walmart. We went to Walmart and I'm a big spender and we bought about half the store. And we came home and, uh, I, I'm trying to be a gentleman, so I'm going to um, we had exactly 10 of those little Walmart shopping bags, right, and I'm going to be a gentleman, I'm going to bring all the bags in. Now, dudes, all right, are you with me on this? How many trips am I going to take to bring those 10 bags in? Right, everybody knows all the guys are going one. Okay, good, you got it. So one. And so she helps me get all loaded up with this, and from the weight of the whole thing, I'm all bent over like an old pack mule.
Speaker 1:Now the fair and lovely Mrs Scheibner, who's lyrically challenged, is walking ahead of me towards the door. As she's walking towards the front door, I'm building an expectation. What's my expectation? Right? Anyone? This? She'll hold the door open. Now, there's nothing wrong with that expectation. But the dirty little secret about expectations is this we keep them to ourselves, because if she loved me, she'd read my mind, she'd just know. So we're going to play this little game. She doesn't even know she's been invited to a game. Let's see how she does. She goes to the door. She opens up the door. The door slams shut.
Speaker 1:I get upset, I get angry, I get hostile. I step up the steps, I look through the window and, as I start banging on the door to get her attention, but I don't bang on the door with a part of the body that was made for it, like my fist or my, my foot or anything. I'm all bent over with the, you know, the bags in my hands. I could have put them down, but I didn't. All right, I'm banging on the door with my head door. And then sarcasm, right, comes out of me. I go you know they name roads after people like you and she said what do you mean? I said one way and now the fight's on right and I get, of course, the rest of the story. At that moment, which was when she opened the door, she heard a scream from the living room. A teenager in our family, old enough to know better, is standing on our carpeted floor with a nosebleed. My wife says get off the carpet. But the nosebleeder says yeah, but my nose is bleeding. I know I can see that.
Speaker 2:Get off the carpet right nose carpet nose carpet back and forth.
Speaker 1:Finally the nosebleeder gets off the carpet uh, you know she tends to the bloody nose and then she comes back to the door and she's greeted by mr. Wonderful, now it's. There's some humorous parts to the story as I tell it, but but it was not a funny episode and we fought all weekend over that expectation that popped up just like that. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That fast and expectation could be as simple as can you take the trash out? I'll do it tomorrow, and then tomorrow comes and I'm carrying the trash out.
Speaker 1:And you go.
Speaker 2:It just puts a little niche of.
Speaker 1:So the expectation trap is real. It's not just in the bedroom.
Speaker 2:But it flows into the bedroom. But it flows into the bedroom, it overflows into the bedroom. Yeah, for sure, that's number one.
Speaker 1:Number two is deal with anger.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Deal with anger.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Now let me spend some time talking about this, because the most familiar Bible passage for dealing with anger is Ephesians 4.26. Be angry yet do not sin. It says don't let the sun go down on your anger. Depending on your Bible translation, it might say wrath at that point, but the Greek word for anger is translated twice there and it's actually two different Greek words, which is really important to understand. Now don't follow me on this. Don't gloss over yet, because I'm going to unwrap this Bible verse for you, and it's really, really significant, because most of us would read that Bible verse and say or we've been taught it on some level Don't go to bed that night. If you had an argument during the day, get it resolved before you go to bed. Right, that's a fair interpretation, nothing wrong with that. That verse says so much more than that, because what it's saying is this Paul, the Apostle Paul, who's writing that to the church at Ephesus, says be angry yet do not sin. In other words, he's saying anger is a normal reaction many times with couples in relationships, and the word he uses in the Greek language is the word orge. It means indignation or injustice. The word orgy it means indignation or injustice. Anytime you feel overlooked or slighted or disrespected or unloved or intentionally overlooked, right, anytime you have that injustice in your heart, like that boy, that was nice, thanks a lot. That feeling, that's orgy, anger. You haven't stepped over the line yet, okay. You haven't sinned yet, according to the Bible. You just feel that because, well, you were just slighted or disrespected or unloved or overlooked. What you do with that feeling from that moment forward turns it into sin, or not. It makes it worse. So what is that Now? Paul says don't let the sun go down on your. And it's translated in English anger again. But it's a different word in the Greek language. This time it's a really long word and the word is parorgismos, and parorgismos means mild irritation.
Speaker 1:Now here's the question for you how many of you have had a fight, an argument, and either gone your separate ways or gone to bed that night and didn't resolve it with some mild irritation hanging out there? It was no big deal, I mean, you went, you know it wasn't the end of the world, I'm not going to bring it up again. And suddenly it happens from time to time, and it's probably half my fault, you know, and we just kind of sweep it under the carpet over and over again. That's what it's talking about. Don't keep sweeping it under the carpet. Keep a short list of mild irritations. If you keep a short list of mild irritations, you'll never get caught up in that or gay trap of indignation and injustice where it flames up into something that is overwhelming for the relationship. So dealing with anger is really, really important.
Speaker 1:And one more word on anger. There's two facets of anger. There are the blower uppers and there are the clamor uppers. And people that blow up are very obvious. They yell, they scream, their veins bulge in their neck and they look pretty upset and they're real obvious. It's obvious that they're angry. But the other type of anger is the clamor-upper, the person that just goes. You know I'm not going to weigh in on this.
Speaker 2:No, big deal.
Speaker 1:And so you say to him or her hey, is anything wrong? No, everything's fine. You seem upset. No, I'm good. Good, see, see how good I am right. And we, and and that person is a clam rapper you don't know what you've done, you don't know what thing you stepped on, you don't know what you didn't do. And it's cruel. The silence is cruel because the other person, just their mind wanders to 10 000 different things that they might have done or didn't do, and and you just let them kind of flounder out there for a while. Why? Because you're extracting a pound of flesh. That's every bit as much, or I would say even more cruel than the blower upper yeah, so the point is don't be either one of those.
Speaker 1:Be somebody who, in that spirit of paragismmos, deals with it when it first happens, when it's mild irritation all right, megan's very good at this. She gets irritated with something. She will come to me very lovingly, very directly, though, and say, steve, we need to talk about it. We did something earlier this morning where she did that, and I appreciated it okay.
Speaker 2:So we want to keep a short list I think it's important what you said, that neither one of those is right, but in a very kind of perverse way, almost the clamor upper often gets rewarded right you know, oh that wife, if I had to deal with him, but she's so quiet and peaceful they're told by others how, how controlled they are, and I would have given them a piece of my mind.
Speaker 1:I don't know how you have that self-discipline not to do it.
Speaker 1:Neither are right neither are right and it leads to bad things in the bedroom. So that's the topic is the five ways to ruin your sex life. Well, just be a clamor-upper or a blower-upper. Don't deal with it in a timely manner, just keep sweeping it under the carpet. And all of a sudden, that accumulation of unresolved conflict builds up to a huge obstacle in your love life. And there's no reason for it. You could deal with it quickly, completely get it done with, and you'd have a great sex life.
Speaker 2:And often dealing with it leads to restoration, which is often intimacy.
Speaker 1:Which is not bad, right?
Speaker 2:No good things.
Speaker 1:That's a good thing. Okay, all right, so that's a number two. Number three is overcommitment, or fatigue, or fatigue.
Speaker 2:So talk about those over commitment or fatigue, or fatigue. So talk about those. Yeah, Um, if our schedules are too full, if we have um too many nights out of the house, we're running, running, running and we only kind of land at home as like a pit stop. We're just not going to have the energy that we need to have for one another.
Speaker 2:And, and in God's eyes, sex is important in a marital relationship. It's it's not an extra, it's a major component of marriage. And so, um, you know, the wise wife, the wise husband, that goes, you know what. Maybe we need to cut some things out of our schedule so we're not so overcommitted. Um kind of leads to the idea of we talking, counseling with couples that don't go to bed at the same time, and it's because, well, this is the only time of the day I have the kids are in bed and it's quiet. It's the only time of the day I have to do this, or him, I, you know, I got to get this work done before we head to bed. You know, as a couple, you need to have a cutoff.
Speaker 1:It helps me unwind, and so I go check within my Facebook Facebook friends. What you think is 30 minutes is actually four and a half hours right, right.
Speaker 2:That's really going to damage more than your sex life, but including your sex life, yeah no kidding, it's really going to do a lot of damage.
Speaker 1:Okay, so that's so over commitment fatigue yeah, the two things go together.
Speaker 2:if you're running around too much, you're not going to have the energy you need for each other and and that really is a question to ask yourself who am I giving my best energy to?
Speaker 1:Right and I would say on the fatigue side. Now I, in my other job as a captain at a major airline, I'm flying around the world all the time, so I get I get jet lag all the time. Sometimes I'll do back-to-back trips. Fatigue is a big deal. We talk about it all the time in the airline business and you can. There's things you can do to mitigate stay hydrated, try to stay on your body clock, eat well, exercise All those things are important, uh, but there's no substitute for uh sleep, and so uh sleep is like a, a debt, it's like a deficit, right, it's like a bank account. If you take money out, nobody comes and puts money in. Right, you got to put money in to get money out. And when I was a kid, my dad would say, well, we can't afford to do that. And I'd say, well, let's just go to the bank, because that's where you go to get money, right.
Speaker 2:Write a check.
Speaker 1:Well, I realized when I became an adult and death by adulting. Right, you have to put money into the bank to rude, is that All right? But that's true. And so the same thing goes with your sleep debt. If you get behind on your sleep debt, the only way you're going to make that up is just go to bed early and sleep in late. Maybe you need to take an afternoon nap or something like that. It's okay.
Speaker 2:Okay, so let me speak to that for a minute, cause there may be seasons in a marriage where fatigue is more of a thing. Now for us. You're getting older and the flying takes it out of you more. But when we were younger, I had eight babies, and so there were periods where I was really fatigued, and so this goes right back to that expectation of, well, our sex life has to happen at nine, 30 at night, and it has, you know, we line up all these things there may be seasons in your life where you got to go.
Speaker 2:You know what? Everybody's napping let's go, let's go to the bedroom, right, right, and it's taking advantage of those times when you do have energy. Yes, it is.
Speaker 1:And and you, and that's a question that we would ask one another. So here's a healthy marriage question. This might be the my boss tip of the the day, which is ask your spouse sometime in the morning or sometime during the day, are you going to save some energy for me later on tonight? Now, the kids never understood what that meant. What that meant was do I have sex later, but it was also keying us into managing your day so you had enough energy later on at night, or a man's and a woman's, by the way, testosterone peaks at about six o'clock in the morning. That's why sometimes you're like amorous first thing in the morning, all right, that's okay, work in time for that, you know. Maybe you set the alarm 30 minutes earlier, right, and then, like megan said, there's, there's afternoon, there's, you're here.
Speaker 1:Heard it from us first, folks, there's nothing like a nooner. Okay, there you go. All right, all of our fundie friends just went. Oh, my word, I can't believe he said that. Well, it's true. Okay, let's go on to the next one, which is number four stress.
Speaker 2:Yeah, stress is a sexual inhibitor. You know it's very hard to have any desire, any emotions towards sexual intimacy when you just are under stress, and so we're going to talk about stress in another episode. But you got to find ways to mitigate the stress in your life, um, and keep them out of the bedroom yeah that's another reason to turn your phones off. I mean, we know friends who have phone corrals. The phones don't come into the bedroom, Because those little tools become our masters and they bring stress into our bedroom.
Speaker 1:And it interrupts our sleep cycle. You don't get into that good REM sleep at night that replenishes you. You're talking about having a sleep debt. Turn off that phone. Don't have it by the side of your bed. Don't wake up 10 times a night to text somebody. If Don't have it by the side of your bed, don't wake up 10 times a million nights to text somebody. If it has to get set at 2 or 3 in the morning, it's not important.
Speaker 2:And I'm really bad about this. Steve is much better about this than me, but you know, sometimes we'd go on a trip with the kids and for those of you who have a lot of kids, you know vacation isn't actually the best time for intimacy, it just you've got kids sleeping in your rooms and you know, it's just so. We would come home and instead of thinking how do I have energy for Steve, my first thought was well, I have a pile of envelopes here. I better open it and see what bills we have at nine 30 at night. Right, and and Steve was always really good to say to me, it'll wait till tomorrow.
Speaker 2:Right but it's a mindset.
Speaker 1:Right. So picture that. You know we've been on vacation for a couple of weeks, probably haven't had a lot of sex on vacation because of the things that Megan mentioned, and I'm thinking, hey, we're, we're home and the kids are down for the first time and we've got the door and we're, by the way, the next one we're going to get to is very important right Number five.
Speaker 1:Uh, and it factors into what I'm saying here we're going to get back into our own bed and hey, honey, how about it? Maybe? I said earlier in the morning you know, save some energy for me. And the first thing she does is grab that stack of letters. Guess what's in that thing, bills, there's, there's bad news, and she's going through it and going we're being audited, oh my okay, Nothing. Nothing will kill the mood.
Speaker 1:Like the IRS like the IRS, you're being audited. You know, honey, couldn't that have waited until tomorrow morning, but I needed to. You can't do anything about it at 930 at night.
Speaker 2:No, you cannot.
Speaker 1:Except get upset about it and ruin the mood. So folks think about those things, right, plan ahead a little bit. So number one was the expectation trap. Number two was manage stress. And let me jump in here at this point and say, folks, if you like what you're getting so far, hit the like button, subscribe to what we're doing here, because, regarding stress, we're going to do a lot of podcasts about managing stress. Because if you're sitting there right now going well, steve, that's nice. You know, manage stress. I don't know how to do it. I'm stressed out all the time. We are going to be your best friends. We will help you with that and we'll come up with practical stuff. But click that subscribe button and that notification bell so that you don't miss any of this content. And it's really going to help your quality of life and help you to avoid death by adulting, by yeah, you don't have to subscribe to death by adulting life all right, so there you go.
Speaker 1:Number five on the list is this um in your bedroom.
Speaker 1:Your bedroom door needs a lock and not the one that came with it and I'm not talking about the one on the doorknob, all right, because when the little hands get on the other side and they rattle that thing and you've got just the little thing turned in the middle, there is no security that that door is not going to fly open.
Speaker 1:Right and gentlemen, listen to me, listen to me on this. Right, she will just tense up like this, like that, and then it's done. And if it's not done for both of you, it's certainly done for her. Ok, because she is not going to relax now knowing that there's a door hand on the door. But if you get a big old bolt lock, like I'm talking about a deadbolt, get the kind that they have like in the old movies when they show you a castle and they, they throw the thing down and then they slide another thing and then they put the big bar and then the battering ram is outside you know, against the door and they can't get in and you feel all warm and cozy and secure.
Speaker 1:Get one or two or three of those and put it on the door. It'll be the best thing you ever did for your sex life it will be right yeah, get in there, slam that thing shut, and now you know you're not gonna have a little wandering eyes or a little mommy, when are you going to feed me? I'm hungry yeah, right none of that nothing for breakfast tomorrow.
Speaker 1:Nothing will kill the mood better than that. All right, so those are the five sure ways to ruin good sex so, conversely, if you don't do these, you'll have a better sex life. There you go okay, all right, so let's move on to our next section, which is this who thought that was a good idea?
Speaker 2:okay, I love this. This is a recurring thing we do. Who thought that was a good idea? We're going to love this. This is a recurring thing we do. Who thought that was a good idea?
Speaker 1:We're going to go back and forth on this one. Alright, the two topics we want to talk about for who thought that was a good idea is number one women in our garages and men in our kitchens.
Speaker 2:You mean men in our kitchens.
Speaker 1:Alright, women in our garages.
Speaker 2:What's wrong with me in your garage?
Speaker 1:well, the fact that you think a chisel is a screwdriver, okay, that's one thing. That's really wrong, and so my expensive have to be sharp. Chisels that I use for chiseling are not meant to open paint cans with okay, they're not meant to to. You know, like chisel into metal, they're for? Okay, they're not meant to to to. You know, like chisel into metal, they're for wood. Um, they're not meant to screw like light covers on.
Speaker 2:They work? No, they don't work for that.
Speaker 1:They're not meant for that, they're not designed for that, so stay out of my garage.
Speaker 2:I wish I had a video of when you caught Emma and I using your wrench as a hammer and we dinged up the drywall because it wouldn't hit where we thought it was gonna hit.
Speaker 1:Yes, and so they're. They're banging the wall and putting things in because they're it's not a hammer, it's a wrench, and so they're ruining my wrench, they're ruining my wall. The other one is the, the drill you know that we use for screwing things in, using the bottom of that as a hammer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it works Okay.
Speaker 1:so there's another one. Stay out of my garage. Yeah, those are three good ones.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right, but I want to know.
Speaker 1:Now, what could I possibly mess up in your kitchen?
Speaker 2:Why are my good steak knives in the garage? Why, when I go out, is there a variety of my good steak knives laying around in your garage?
Speaker 1:Because you never know when you're going to run into a delicious steak dinner in the garage.
Speaker 2:Somehow. I don't think that's true.
Speaker 1:Mic drop on that one.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think that's true.
Speaker 1:I can't figure out what you're doing with them Either that or they're really good for opening up boxes, yeah. And then somehow it's kind of like the light switch when your kids were little like the light switch only went one way, they could only turn it on, but they by golly they couldn't turn it off Now once they get grown and get married and pay their own bills. It's shocking.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know, we go over to our newlywed son's house. It's like a morgue. It's like a morgue, it's like a morgue.
Speaker 1:It's all dark. I'm like why don't you turn some lights on? Oh no, dad.
Speaker 2:Have you seen the electric bill? Do you know how much the electric bill is?
Speaker 1:I'm like oh really, the light switch goes that way too. I didn't know. I go into my adult kid's house, I just turn all the lights on.
Speaker 2:I turn the water on. I watch him follow me turn it all off. You stay on my kitchen, I'll stay on your garage, all right Deal.
Speaker 1:There's only one thing, just the steak knives.
Speaker 2:Well, that is the big one.
Speaker 1:Because they know how to make it out to my garage and they don't know how to make it back.
Speaker 2:They don't at all. I mean, there is the whole issue of blindness in the kitchen, but we'll probably hit that on another episode.
Speaker 1:Oh, you mean like when you send me to get something out of the pantry and I break into a cold sweat.
Speaker 2:I do not understand.
Speaker 1:And it's just, it's nerve wracking right Like I've I've been in combat. I've been in airplanes with engines on fire. I was a senior pastor of a church in Northern new England. I faced down death itself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right.
Speaker 1:But when she tells me to go into the pantry and find the peanut butter, I just lock up, I freeze, I become a puddle of blubbering mess and the thing is everybody else's husband does the same we all discuss that Like how could they miss the peanut butter? And then, inevitably, I'm in there and the sweat's coming off and I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm pulling everything out, when is it? And she comes in like three minutes later, reaches right over my shoulder, right in front of me where it's always been.
Speaker 1:I shouldn't be in your kitchen, you're right.
Speaker 2:You shouldn't.
Speaker 1:You shouldn't ask me to get anything out of that pantry. All right, Drum roll please. Let's move on to the next segment of the program, which is Megan's adulting boss. Tip of the day. Take it away, Meg.
Speaker 2:Okay, well, this one is actually going to tie into the sex one we just talked about, because this may be the most important boss tip I can give you. This isn't a health and safety, but adults know the importance of the word no, and so young people, when they're given an opportunity, say yes, do you want to go here? Yes, do you want to stay out late? Yes, do you want to run around all weekend and not get any of your chores done? Yes, you know, we are, young people are yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. When you make that adult pivot that we talked about before, you begin to say no because you go. What's the best use of my time? Remember, adulting is priority living. So there's good things we can do, better things we could do and best things we could do and, and honestly, 90% of the time, we ought to live in that best category.
Speaker 1:So we had an example recently of one of our youngins not so young, early twenties, but not married yet making an adult pivot in what you were just talking about. You know what I'm talking about. Why don't you share that example?
Speaker 2:So our youngest son, who has an eye to the future with his young lady I can say that on here was invited to go on spring break with her family and they were either going to take a cruise or go to Disney, but it wasn't. He was invited to go but they weren't paying. He would be paying and he really wanted to go. I can I'll add this little story we took seven of our kids to disney and he was the one that didn't go, so he's always wanted to go to disney.
Speaker 1:That poor, poor little guy.
Speaker 2:But he called us, actually called us, and said you know, I'm just thinking about it and it's hard to save money for what I need to buy coming up soon and I probably need to say no, but what if they're upset by it? And I said to him I you know what. I think that when you tell her dad why you're not going, he's going to respect you. And sure enough he. He called his girlfriend, he said I can't go, that's not money I'm free to spend. And then he told her dad and her dad said you know, I I love that you made that decision. It just makes me trust you more. So making those adult piv, sometimes they're just really hard to make, but they're one of those decisions that are hard to make but they make life better.
Speaker 1:Right, okay.
Speaker 2:But think about sex the decision to say no, I'm not going to go out tonight with my girlfriends because I haven't had any time alone with my husband, and that's a hard decision to make sometimes, sure, but that's a wise decision to make.
Speaker 1:Sure. So Megan's adult boss tip of the day is just say no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just say no.
Speaker 1:There you go. No, all right, perfect, all right, let's put the wheels down, come in for a landing. But this is going to be kind of fun. On our way out, I teased in the opening where do babies come from? Okay, now we're not here to answer that question. Ask your mother, that's not you know. I guess that could be a death by adulting topic. But what if you get asked that question by a child? Now, it doesn't have to be your child, you could be an auntie or an uncle.
Speaker 2:You could be a babysitter.
Speaker 1:You could be a babysitter and get asked that question, and at some point we've both been asked that question multiple times. You're going to get asked that question by various age children when do babies come from? How would you answer that question?
Speaker 1:And I've got five, uh, what I think are really snarky answers written down here which are worth a laugh, and then we'll come up with one serious one here at the end. But number one, all right. So here's. It's from the Starkville, uh, uh, wing of the death by adulting podcast. Uh, where do babies come from? Uh, the first answer is pumpkin seeds. All right, daddy gives mommy a pumpkin seed and a pumpkin grows in her belly. Okay, it would work as well for watermelon.
Speaker 2:We have to clarify. We didn't come up with most of these on our own. This is what other people said. They told their children.
Speaker 1:Other people said they told their children, but the pumpkin seed one, I really I can see it, though you know, yeah, sure you end up looking like a pumpkin.
Speaker 2:You look like a pumpkin after a while, okay.
Speaker 1:Number two, and this is from James Breakwell the exploding unicorn guy Awesome, all right he said. Here's his answer. This is really cynical when two people love each other very much, they make a mutual decision to ruin their lives. Well said, sir, well said having a bad day, james decision to ruin their lives.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's number two, number three and this is a bunch of them all tied together in number three. Um, my favorite one uh, your tv broke. Our tv broke, all right. That's where babies come from. Broken TVs Babies come from nothing good on Netflix. That week it was a snow day. That's another place where babies come from. And the babies come from when the power went out, all right. Now, that might not be the answer that your five-year-old is looking for, but it's the truth it was a snow day.
Speaker 2:The next time the power's out, the doorknob's going to rattle.
Speaker 1:Yes, I know, and no more babies. All right. Number four Well, sweetie, when two people tolerate each other very much, who are?
Speaker 2:these parents.
Speaker 1:When two people tolerate each other very much, all right. Yeah, all right, that's interesting. And number five, and the most common answer is ask your mother, father there you go. That's the top five answers. So when a child asks you where do babies come from? Now let's, let's end on a serious note with that one. What if you do get asked that question?
Speaker 2:well, it just really depends. There's we several things that come into it. How old is the child? Because you don't want to give them more information than they're asking for, because you'll see they'll begin to glaze over or they'll be like, oh yuck. One of the one of the comments we read said they were very proud of themselves. They explained the whole process and their child said that's disgusting. Did the doctor watch?
Speaker 1:And especially if it's not your child, don't take that liberty. I would punt that one right back to their parents.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a better question for your parents.
Speaker 1:But let's say you're an aunt or an uncle and you have a you and you want to weigh in a little bit.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, first I would say, well, how much of your mommy and daddy told you? And then just kind of build from there, just in general terms. Right, put it back to the parent. But you parents, there does come a day that your child asks that question and you need to answer it Honestly what if it's a five-year-old?
Speaker 1:where do babies come from? What if it's a five-year-old? Where do babies come from?
Speaker 2:Well, what we told our kids is that God has a special way for mommies and daddies, and when they love each other and show love toward each other, god makes a baby and brings it to us, and I think essentially what we told them after the very broad general discussion on that was there are some things in life that are too heavy for you to carry.
Speaker 1:And so someday mommy and daddy will answer that question more specifically, but right now let us carry that for you and, uh, and if you need an illustration to go with that, fill up a piece of luggage full of stuff that's heavy that the kid can't pick up books, and say, can you pick up that luggage? And the kid would go, oh, and they'll try. No, no, no, but daddy can pick it up, Look, all right. There are some things in life and this is not just where the babies come from.
Speaker 1:There's lots of heavy things that kids aren't ready for just yet, say you know what? That's a discussion to have another day. Let mommy and daddy carry that for you for now, and the kids will go okay, good, that sounds good. That's really important, Right, that's important, all right. So that's kind of the, I think. What if it's an older?
Speaker 2:child let's talk about. You know 10, 11, probably getting into the age where you begin to talk about the specifics of intimacy between a man and a woman, but you also talk about the moral component of it. Why should you wait? And yeah, I understand all your friends are saying don't wait, but here's what we believe and here's why you don't wait. And here's the consequences of not waiting. And and do you know how tired you are when you babysit? Imagine 24 hours a day.
Speaker 1:Well, I would say, especially to our Christian and our church friends who are watching the podcast and listening um, if, if you get to 10, 11, 12 years old and you haven't had any conversation with your kids about the birds and the bees. You're way behind the power curve, Especially if they're going to public school.
Speaker 2:They've already heard about transitioning, I would say private schools just as much.
Speaker 1:And private schools. They've heard from the other kids about gender identity and all this other stuff, so unfortunately it's been brought to us. You can talk about it in general terms, but then do the let me carry that for you. All right, and when the trust of your kids. That's why we're big advocates of homeschooling. We'll talk about that in another episode. But uh, there you go. So there's kind of a general snarky view of when you get asked that question. Don't look at your deer in the headlights. Just tell them that you ate a pumpkin seed and that's where the pumpkin came from okay, daddy, doesn't eat pumpkin seeds yep, the night the tv broke and the electricity went out.
Speaker 1:I fed mommy a pumpkin seed and here we are today, your little sister audrey. Oh, that's sweet.
Speaker 2:We did just have a 10th grandbaby, we did have a 10th grandbaby and and, uh, interestingly, her older sisters, her older sisters or twins, got to facetime right after the birth and and their, their comment was what's she gonna do when she stops being a monster?
Speaker 1:they thought she was a monster.
Speaker 2:Already she was a monster, right explain that they the twins girls were born at.
Speaker 1:They were three pounds.
Speaker 2:They were three pounds when they were born, so their baby pictures they're very teeny, tiny and little audrey's almost seven pounds.
Speaker 1:So she looks huge, right, they think she's a monster they were a bit taken aback all right, very good, that's enough for this time around. Next time, on death by adulting does your stress have stress tips and tricks to manage anxiety.
Speaker 2:Let's close this out well, this has been death by adulting. I'm your host, megan Scheibner, and remember, when it comes to adulting, what doesn't kill you just makes you tired.