Whispers in Wregate
Journey back in time with the Time Breakers as they infiltrate the Black Sun Festival, attempting to alter the fate of the city by thwarting a cataclysmic plot. But beware, for a greater threat looms that could overshadow even the consequences of their plane-shifting actions. Can this epic adventure be completed without too many rippling butterfly effects, or will they change the world for the better?? Come along and find out!
Whispers in Wregate
The Great Cake Caper: a Birthday Special
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What happens when a mischievous band of goblins set their sights on stealing the world's greatest birthday cake? Find out in "The Great Cake Caper: A Goblin Quest," a special episode celebrating Noelle's birthday. Our goblin clans, armed with peculiar magical items and an endless supply of chaotic energy, embark on a hilarious mission that begins in the Frog Leg Tavern. From demanding cake in the middle of a crowded tavern to getting sucked through doors and breaking through skylights, our goblins' antics will leave you in stitches.
As the quest for the elusive cake unfolds, the goblins' journey takes them through a maze of comedic misadventures. They fail at negotiating for cake, kidnap bakers, and decipher invitations to a wizard's tower, only to face clay golems, illusionary walls, and even a dragon. Each character—Itchtooth, Campbell, Seacrest, and more—brings their unique quirks to the table, making for an episode filled with unpredictable twists, resourcefulness, and plenty of laughs. You'll be on the edge of your seat as the goblins navigate a series of absurd and entertaining challenges.
The grand finale sees our goblins in a frenzied race to secure the ultimate birthday cake, with flour explosions and chocolate chaos adding to the delightful mayhem. Despite the odds, their determination and teamwork lead to a climax that's as heartwarming as it is comically disastrous. As we wrap up this wild TTRPG session, we invite you to reflect on the joy of nonsensical adventures and join our Discord community for more fun. Plus, don't miss our heartfelt shoutout to Noelle and a sneak peek at what's next for the Time Breakers. Tune in, laugh out loud, and celebrate with us!
hello everybody and welcome back to whispers in reggae, except it's not whispers in reg 8. This is the great cake caper. A goblin quest. Uh, today is the birthday of one of our players. Uh, I can't remember if we use your name or not on this show.
Speaker 2The one who controls shimmer noelle?
Speaker 1noelle. There we go, uh, but it is their birthday, and so, instead of uh jumping into reg 8, today we will be doing something special, and we will be running through an effectively bastardized version of Goblin Quest, where the team will be doing their best to steal the world's greatest birthday cake.
Speaker 3Don't forget to come by the Reg 8 server and wish a happy birthday or leave a comment on whatever service this is on. Oh yeah, that too.
Speaker 1We really appreciate it, and the more we get, the bigger a collage we can make. It really makes her up. So with that we're going to jump in and we find ourselves sitting outside of a tavern. It is currently late at night and there are four goblins hiding in the bushes outside the frog leg tavern. Thaddeus, would you like to introduce your goblins?
Speaker 5Why yes, yes, I would. I am Supa de Campbell.
Speaker 1And you carry the Ah yes. The Eldritch Arcanum bell, and you carry the Ah yes.
Speaker 5The Elder Jorkadium's summoning potent, omnipotent, oscillating necromancy.
Speaker 4What in the fuck is this name?
Speaker 1Shiver, would you please introduce your goblin clan.
Speaker 2I am Lord Poseidon of the Seacrest Clan and I carry the Great Trident of the Seven Seas.
Speaker 1Mav, would you like to introduce yours?
Speaker 7Oi, name's Claude Mawth Hitchtooth, and I be the best jumper of all the Hitchtooths, not even by a small amount, by a very large amount, and I carry the Skybreaker wow, that was you win.
Speaker 4All my goblins just committed seppuku if the next goblin could introduce themselves, please, please oh, I'm dead, please oh god damn it well, I didn't want to go first, by the way we'll take it.
Speaker 1Ah, alright, deep breath, deep breath. If the last goblin clan could introduce themselves, please.
Speaker 4I have the bag of ghosting. Okay, Everybody's got these fucking extraordinary fucking names for all their shit and I have the bag.
Speaker 1I feel a bit of junk with an epic name.
Speaker 5Yeah.
Speaker 1So if the bag of ghosting is the best epic name that you could come up with, that's on you. Anyway, the four clans have come together on this night because tomorrow is the Goblin Lord's birthday, and they only have this evening to procure the world's greatest birthday cake. Unfortunately, they know not where it is to be found, and so they have come to this tavern in hopes of gathering information.
Speaker 7Information. We ain't here for information, we're here for a birthday cake.
Speaker 1What would you like to do? You're currently in the bushes outside of the tavern.
Speaker 5So inside there is what we need. How do we proceed?
Speaker 4I got this.
Speaker 3Alright, what's your plan?
Speaker 4You think they'll walk in through the front door.
Speaker 5Okay, yes A dastardly good plan, never expected. Alright, what's your plan? You think they'll walk in through the front door, okay, yes, a dastardly good plan, never expected Okay.
Speaker 1As the first McWheezy, if you could go ahead and tell me your specialty and your quirk.
Speaker 4My specialty is that I am very charismatic and even better, so I can have some goblins Of pretty much anything, and my quirk is that I am constantly coughing up flour All the time. The bag of ghosting Is also a bag of flour that is constantly leaking and seems to never run out of flour.
Speaker 1Okay, and you, as a goblin, are just going to walk in the front door of the Frog Leg Tavern.
Speaker 4Yes.
Speaker 1Go ahead and roll me the first d6. Three. You walk up to the tavern door like fully confident You've convinced your allies you are ready for this and the door doesn't open as you push on it. Yeah, it seems to be it. It opens a little bit, but it seems to be too heavy for you I am.
Speaker 4I'm like basically fighting the door, trying to get it open.
Speaker 1Yeah, alright, so you're going to press on.
Speaker 3Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1Okay, Go ahead and roll me one more. D6. Five A five, Pushing forward with all your strength. The door suddenly flies inward and you stumble across the threshold as somebody from the inside has pulled the door open in an attempt to leave. You guys watch as your goblin friend. Just it looks like they get sucked into the front door of the space.
Speaker 4Which one am I?
Speaker 5He has successfully opened the door Quick After him.
Speaker 4Which goblin am I?
Speaker 1I don't know. That's your decision.
Speaker 4Well, I guess I'm going to climb up onto here.
Speaker 1You're going to climb up onto the table.
Speaker 4On the table actually.
Speaker 1Okay, so as the people are leaving, you jump up onto the table A goblin who is very charismatic and is spitting flour.
Speaker 4Effectively yes.
Speaker 1You have currently drawn the attention of no less than five patrons of the tavern.
Speaker 4With my sack in my hand. That sounds bad.
Speaker 1Yeah, with your sack in your hand.
Speaker 4I probably don't even speak common do I Is that an ability your goblin has. It's not something that I specifically said I have, so no.
Speaker 1Hang on, we'll call a vote here real quick. Does everyone think that their goblins will speak common? No.
Speaker 2I think Poseidon would, and I think two of my goblins would, and the rest probably wouldn't.
Speaker 1Got it, so occasionally the goblins will be able to speak common. I will leave that up to you guys.
Speaker 4Since my specialty is convincing people, I guess I speak common.
Speaker 1Okay, I will accept that you currently have the attention of six patrons of this bar. You are standing on a table spitting up flour.
Speaker 4I demand cake.
Speaker 1They are going to stare at you and the person who opened the door, who is currently standing behind you, is going to reach out for you. There are your goblin friends here, campbell's, seacrest, itchtooth. What are you up to?
Speaker 2I'm scurrying into the building.
Speaker 1Yes, the door is open. You're scurrying in, okay. You guys scurry into the doorway Two. The door is open. You're scurrying in. Yep, you guys scurry into the doorway. Two additional goblins. You see McWheeze standing on the table shouting at the patrons of this bar, drawing the attention of all the people in the room, and some of them stand up holding weapons. It seems they are not appreciative of being yelled at.
Speaker 2That's not good. I would like to scurry back out.
Speaker 1You have passed a commoner holding the door twice, so go ahead and roll me a d6 to see if you can scurry back out before the door closes.
Speaker 2Four.
Speaker 1Yes, that is a success. So you make it back out as the door closes and that leaves the Campbells and McWheezy in the tavern.
Speaker 5Soup de Campbell's is currently in the process of casting Mold Earth. However, it is not the Mold Earth that you're familiar with. It just basically makes things moldy.
Speaker 1Okay, and what would you like to do with this spell? I would like to cast. What are you making, moldy?
Speaker 5I am making the ground in front of the closest commoner with their weapon drawn Moldy.
Speaker 1Okay, trying to throw up some difficult terrain. All right, go ahead and roll me a d6. That's going to be a 6. A 6. That is an extreme success. That is an extreme success. So you cast your spell in front of the first commoner that has their weapon drawn, but you cast your spell just a little bit too hard and you watch as a 15-foot section all around you becomes moldy ground Slime, mold, slime, mold, got it?
Speaker 4Oh, it's all slippery, effectively grease.
Speaker 1It's all on the ground, not on the table that you're currently standing on. No, but anybody attempting to get to, you will have to keep their balance.
Speaker 5Haha, puny mortals. I am the greatest druid, which, by the way, he is a druid, but he cannot actually say this. Spell components. He has no verbal spell components and he has no material spell components, as his only possession is his wooden spoon.
Speaker 1Gotcha. All right, the door is closed behind you. The commoner is reaching out to grab you. While this is going on, itchtooth, you are still hiding in the bush outside, having not made a move.
Speaker 2What are you up to? I'd like to point out that Lord Poseidon has now jumped into the bushes and is now making his way back to Itchtooth.
Speaker 1Got it.
Speaker 7Lord Poseidon ran in, saw the commotion and ran out let me show you why I am the best jumper of all the H2s and our good friend Clogmorth.
Speaker 3Yeah, our good friend Clogmorth is going to use his skybreaker to jump onto the roof. Okay, the skybreaker is a pogo stick.
Speaker 1Alright, as that is your family heirloom, go ahead and roll me two d6s.
Speaker 3He's also the best jumper in the clan. That's his perk. Then roll me three d6s Three fives, three fives Three fives.
Tavern Chaos and Cake Demand
Speaker 1I will count that as an extreme success. So you, you're staring at, you're staring at Seacrest. You tell them why you're the best that you are. You jump up onto your skybreaker and with a single bounce, you have bounded to the roof of this tavern.
Speaker 3Boing, boing, boing. I would imagine they're just jumping on the roof.
Speaker 4Now, it just sounds like there's a bunch of fucking slamming and clattering onto the roof, like there's a hundred goblins out there.
Speaker 1Oh, there areattering onto the roof like there's a hundred goblins out there. Oh, there are noises on the roof. Itchtooth, you are on the roof. What are you doing up here?
Speaker 3He's looking for a way in, fogmorth, is looking for a way to get inside and it probably is the chin.
Speaker 1Most likely. There are three options for you to get inside there is a closed skylight, there is a chimney and there is a trapdoor hatch. A trapdoor hatch Like an attic hatch, you know, like it lifts up into the space.
Speaker 3Let's go for the trap door seems like the smart option. However, clogmorth is not smart person. He has immense hubris is his quirk, and he shall go for the skylight, got it?
Speaker 1so you walk in, uh, you, you bound. You bounce over to the middle of this roof, uh, where there is a closed skylight. Are you opening it or are you bouncing through? Bouncing through? All right, go ahead and roll me, I'd say. I'd say two d6, because you're trying to break something down. Uh, two and a a one, two. Ooh, that is an extreme failure. You break through the glass, but you were not prepared for it and, as your Skybreaker, what you expected to bounce you up because it is a pogo stick and it is spring-loaded instead shoots out from under your feet and you receive one of your two damages as you get cut on the glass, but you do manage to keep your feet as you land on a table amongst five of the other patrons of this bar. You are prone on the table, but you are technically alive, nice.
Speaker 3An unmit on the table, but you are technically alive. Nice, an unmitigated success. I would say no, that is.
Speaker 1Alright Campbell McWeezy. People are stalking towards you with their weapons. They are a bit wary of the slime mold floor, so they cannot quite reach you. There is still one behind you. What would you like to do?
Speaker 4I demand a cake and no one gets ghosted. I hold up my sack.
Speaker 1Would you consider this an attempt of persuasion or intimidation?
Speaker 4Persuasion.
Speaker 1You're trying to persuade them like this? All right, so I will say that that will count towards your charming effect. So give me two D6s.
Speaker 4That's a six and a three.
Speaker 1All right, that is an extreme success and a failure. The extreme success of course cancels out the failure. But uh, someone is going to shout out there's no cakes here, they serve pies. What?
Speaker 4I need a cake. We're gonna find a cake I don't know.
Speaker 1It's the middle of the night. The bakeries are closed.
Speaker 4Where's the bakeries Out in the town? Well, as I hop off the table, I guess immediately land onto the Onto the slime mold floor.
Speaker 1So give me 1d6 for your landing.
Speaker 4You fall prone, but you are uninjured.
Speaker 1Give me 1d6 for your landing. Great, you fall prone but you are uninjured. You just fall in the slime Seacrest Clan. You are still outside Watching through a window. Yeah, all right. You have seen the Itch Tooth fall through the skylight. You've seen Mixweezy jump off the table and land flat on their back, and you see Campbell's, their hands still up, prepared to cast the next spell, should they need to. What would you like to do?
Speaker 2Did I hear the whole? There's no cake here. Yes, I am going to try and open an escape route for the others, because if there's no cake here, there's no cake here.
Speaker 1All right, how would you like to do that?
Speaker 2I have no idea Go for a window. I mean I am already looking through a window.
Speaker 1Would you like to try and open the window or maybe break the window?
Speaker 2I'm going to try and open the window. Maybe break the window or I'm gonna try and open the window.
Speaker 1Alright. Do you have any special powers, quirks or items that could help you open this window?
Speaker 2Is it white outside?
Speaker 1No.
Speaker 2Then no.
Speaker 1Alright, so give me 1d6 as you try and open this window 3. You try and the window jiggles a little bit and you manage to slide it up maybe two or three inches, but it gets stuck and you can see that there are flip out locks at the top of it to prevent, like children, escaping.
Speaker 2In a tavern.
Speaker 1Safety first, to prevent children escaping In a tavern Safety first.
Speaker 2There is now cursing and the gut from Lord Poseidon.
Speaker 4In Gawain, of course.
Speaker 2In every language.
Speaker 1So you're kind of shouting out loud she's a polyglot. The patron of the tavern, who is sitting next to the window, hears you, looks over, sees that you're trying to open the window and slams it shut.
Speaker 2How rude, that is very rude.
Speaker 1Alright, campbell, sorry, campbells.
Speaker 5Campbells, ah, with my mighty Eldritch Arcanum, hang on. What can I say? It's a teaspoon that has a mouth full of a name. With my mighty Eldritch Arcanum summoning Potent, ominent, oscillating necromancy. And I know I've got that name wrong, but it doesn't matter. I shall cast THUNDERCLAP.
Speaker 1Okay, and what exactly is Thunderclap? Uh to Kaambel.
Speaker 5Uh, it's just clapping his hands.
Speaker 1Alright, alright. Uh, you start clapping your hands violently. Roll me a d6, that's gonna be a four. Uh, that is a success. You start clapping your hands, um, right after mcwheezy had jumped off the table and, uh, fell on their butt. Mc Wheezy, you think Campbell is sarcastically clapping at you for your successful landing? He's also not paying attention to the commoner who is standing within arm's reach, who grabs him by the scruff of the neck and throws him out the door.
Speaker 4Since the door is open, I will attempt to scurry out the door.
Speaker 1Alright, you are currently standing on slime mold, so roll me a d6 for scurrying.
Speaker 4One.
Speaker 1That is an extreme failure. You manage to claw your way up onto your feet. You go to take a step and you fall flat on your face, taking one bludgeoning damage as you slam your head on the floor. Now, remember, each of your goblin has two health. So you are now at half health, Right Itch Tooth. You are lying flat on a table surrounded by broken glass and five people who are upset that you have interrupted their drinks. What would you like to do?
Speaker 3He's also heard that there is no cake here, so obviously he's got to leave. He also notices that Seacrest Fogmorth is laying on his back. He's looking at that window, that the Seacrest clan assistant is opening the window, so he's going to go straight for that window using the pogo stick to bounce through. Got it, you? Okay, I'm going to Give me.
Speaker 1Give me three D6. Please, as you bounce towards a window that is being slammed shut.
Speaker 3Do we just report the highest, or is it all of them?
Speaker 1You need all of them, because some cancel each other out. Five, four and two Got it. No critical failures. So you do have two successes over the one failure. Would you like to break through the window? Yeah, got it. As the window gets slammed shut, you watch as Itch Tooth jumps up onto the table, his pogo stick propelling him forward at insane speeds, and he crashes through the space without injuring himself this time. And that leaves only McWheezy still in the tavern.
Speaker 7Glory to the Itch Tooth clan. I'm going to still try to scurry out the door. Only McWheezy still in the tavern. Glory to the H-Tooth.
Speaker 4Klon, I'm still trying to scurry out the door.
Speaker 1You're going to try and scurry out the door again, McWheezy.
Speaker 4Yes.
Speaker 1Okay. Do you have any way of aiding yourself? Maybe Flour?
Speaker 5to absorb the slime mold.
Speaker 4Oh, that's true. My sack is constantly exhuming flour.
Speaker 1Okay, so you want to put flour on the ground and absorb the slime?
Speaker 4Yes, I'm going to hit the ground.
Speaker 1Got it Okay, so give me two d6s this time.
Speaker 4A six and a three.
Speaker 1That is an extreme success over a mild failure. So you slam the flower onto the ground and it puffs up into a massive cloud and as it settles it absorbs enough of the slime that you're able to make your getaway. As the door is closing behind you, you can hear the people just coughing and sputtering. You have escaped the tavern. They told you there was no cake in there.
Speaker 4Yeah, so we gotta head into town, okay.
Speaker 1How would you like to conduct this Campbell's? Yes, you guys have all heard that there is no cake in there, so we'll go down the list and see what your guys' plan is. So, campbells, how would you go about finding where there is cake? We?
Speaker 5must find somebody and hold them until they tell us where the cake is.
Speaker 2Yes, indeed, None can withstand the might of the sea. Throw them in the river, they shall In the water, they shall talk.
Speaker 1Well, Itchtooth, now that you have escaped and you know there is no cake in there, how would you go about hunting down cake?
Speaker 7I can jump higher than anyone else and I can see the cake from above.
Speaker 1Okay, so just so I'm keeping track of things here. K'am Bells wants to kidnap somebody, seacrest wants to throw them in the river, itch Tooth believes that they, if they jump high enough, they will be able to see the cake and lead you to it, and McWheezy wants to head off into town in an unknown direction and hope they stumble across a bakery. Yeah, that sounds about right. Right, so let's have a little roll-off here. Everybody roll me a D6, and we shall see which plan we'll start with.
Speaker 2Technically, the Seacrest clan is in alignment with the Campbell clan.
Speaker 5That is true.
Speaker 2I rolled a 4.
Speaker 5I got a nat 1.
Speaker 13. I'm going to roll a quick d6 here. That's a 3. Wow, seacrest, did you get a 4? Is that what you said?
Quest for the Birthday Cake
Speaker 2yeah, I got a four excellent as the only success.
Speaker 1You believe that your best option is to kidnap somebody and the most people whose whereabouts that you know of are inside this tavern but there is no water in the tavern and that is a major part of the plan is to throw them in the water. That is true. Maybe there's water in the kitchen. They should have a sink or a pail or a bucket or something right?
Speaker 2Yes, we shall go to the kitchens where there is water and make them tell us where the cake is. Yes, yes, good plan.
Speaker 1All right, you make your way. You know that the front door is now being watched and as you creep along, you glance in the windows, looking, looking, looking, until you catch a glimpse of the kitchen on the other side of the tavern. You can see that there is a door, a back door, out into the kitchen. And as you come along the edge of the tavern, you can see that there is a door, a back door, out into the kitchen. And as you come along the edge of the tavern, you find it. Yes, how would you like to handle this?
Speaker 2We need to make sure we get in, but that no one else gets in.
Speaker 5Indeed, Considering that it worked so well last time. Uh, Soup de Campbell will be casting Thunderclap.
Speaker 1Okay, roll me a d6. He got a four. Okay. As Soup stands there clapping at the back door, suddenly it pulls open A very confused-looking individual in an apron smelling sickly sweet like sugars and frostings is standing there standing there staring at you, just wide-eyed and shocked. We demand cake. The location of cake. There's no cake here. You lie your smell of cake. We just make pies, and where?
Speaker 2did I get cake.
Speaker 1You must know where you get cake so, uh, being entirely convinced that this particular person, if nothing else, knows where the cake is, I believe your original plan was to kidnap them. How would you like to do that?
Speaker 2Lord Poseidon's quirk is that he can somewhat control water Not to the extent that he would like to and he is convinced that it's because his great trident is broken. But that is also why he is convinced he is Lord Poseidon.
Speaker 1Okay. So if there is water around, yes, being attuned to water in such a way, you would see that there is a large pot. Currently Looks like they're prepping for a vegetable soup, maybe, but there is a large pot of water sitting on the middle table right behind the individual standing in front of you.
Speaker 2I would like to use a desert rope. The water is rope.
Speaker 1Okay, so you can control water and you're using your trident, so give me three d6s uh, two, two and a four you try really hard and you can see the the water in this pot start coming out. Uh. But as it starts coming out, you get a look at it and it's like it's brown, it's full of vegetables. Oh no, this isn't water anymore, it's soup stock and it plops back into the pot.
Speaker 2Lord Poseidon is very offended. You contaminated the water Itchtooth. You watched your companions go around the back door offended, you contaminated the water, uh, itch Tooth.
Speaker 1You watched your companions go around the back door towards the back of the tavern, looking for someone to kidnap. What have you been up to?
Speaker 3Jumping as high as he can to see if there's any birthday cake that he can see. You're gonna keep bouncing, just keep bouncing, looking around.
Speaker 1So, while they're trying to figure out how to Kidnap him, go ahead and give me your 3d6, 6-6-4, 6-6 and wow. That is two extreme successes and a regular success. It only takes you a few bounces and you find yourself higher in the sky than you thought you'd ever gotten before. You are definitely at your personal best and you start looking around throughout the city and you look, and you look and you can see, suddenly there is smoke Coming from a chimney and as you bounce higher and higher, you can see the name On the front of the shop that it's a bakery and tea shop. Those are two things that have cakes involved.
Speaker 7Oh you lot, I've done it. I've seen where the birthday cake is Come this way you shout towards your companions.
Speaker 1Go ahead and roll me a d6 because you are a little full of yourself. So we'll see how loud your voice is five all right with a five. As you come back down, you start shouting that you can see where the cake is and, having been unsuccessful in uh wrapping uh water ropes around this particular individual in the kitchen cambell and Seacrest. You hear Itchtooth shouting that he can see where the cake is. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7Brogue Mothby.
Speaker 5Itchtooth sees the cake.
Speaker 2We shall go to the cake and he will, and Poseidon will kind of do that like I'm looking at you gesture before running off. Quick, I shall cover our tracks.
Speaker 5And then he'll cast Mold Earth again.
Speaker 1Okay, roll me a d6 as you're leaving, roll me two d6 as you're leaving, a one and a three. That is an extreme and a regular failure. K'ambel, you cast Mold Earth and the person sees it spreading from you and he says no, not in the kitchen. And he kicks you as hard as he can in an attempt to move you away. Before the spell is complete, you take one point of bludgeoning damage and your spell, unfortunately, is interrupted.
Speaker 5He has disrupted the magics. He must be very powerful.
Speaker 1But yeah, Itchtooth has seen a bakery and tea shop. He knows where there is cake. Itch Tooth, would you like to?
Speaker 3lead them. Fogmorth, Itch Tooth shall start bouncing towards the bakery. Boing, boing, boing boing, boing.
Speaker 5I'd also like to imagine that that inn is going to be visited by health inspectors the next day and they're going to find mold and soup everywhere, I hope so.
Speaker 4And flour.
Speaker 5It's basically going to be shut down.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 1Okay, you guys have to transverse the neighborhood following Itch Tooth towards the bakery. Now you know that goblins are not allowed in this part of town. That's racist. So you have to be a little bit sneaky as you make your way through. How would you like to do this? Sewers you want to take the sewers?
Speaker 1I'm gonna turn myself into a ghost but if you take the sewers, you won't be able to see where you're going. That is true, I am going to turn myself into a ghost, but if you take the sewers, you won't be able to see where you're going.
Speaker 4That is true. I'm going to turn myself into a ghost by flowering myself.
Speaker 1Okay, Roll me. Your coughing flower, your holding flower and you want to flower? Yeah, give me 3d6 to turn yourself into a ghost.
Speaker 4Yeah, fuck 3d6 to turn yourself into a ghost. Gosh, Jeff, fuck Alright, hold on A 1, a 2, and a 3. I turned myself into a real ghost.
Speaker 1McWheezy. You guys watch as McWheezy dumps a bag of flour on their head in an attempt to cover themselves and become a ghost and unfortunately, the additional flour mixed with the flour that is coming out of their mouth gets inhaled and they stop breathing. Mcwheezy falls on the ground dead and their bag of flour is picked up. By who?
Speaker 4Barley McWeezy.
Speaker 1What can Barley McWeezy do?
Speaker 4Barley-based Wheezy. Hold on, I forgot what their stuff is, but I'm very dejected. Well, I'm dead, okay? Oh yeah, he's blind.
Speaker 1Okay, all right, itchtooth, you have to lead your group towards the bakery and as you bounce, you can see that there are many people in your way and one of your friends just died. One of your companions just died I don't know if your friends are not and a new goblin came out of the shadows and picked up their bag. They're, they're ready to go, but they're facing the wrong direction. Oh anyway, how would you like to lead the team to the tea shop?
Speaker 7I'm gonna do what I always do and I'll keep bouncing through these people.
Wizard's Tower Birthday Cake Quest
Speaker 1Go ahead and give me your 3d6 as you start bouncing through the town leading your group 5-3-2. Okay, you lead your team, uh, down a street you make a turn. You're keeping an eye on the bakery. But you're keeping such an eye on the bakery that you you didn't pay enough attention and you know that if you keep going down this street you're going to bump into a lot of people. But as you get closer you can hear a man shouting on the other side of the fountain Birthday invitation. Birthday invitations. Come get your invitations for the large wizard party this night.
Speaker 2They'll be celebrating the Goblin Lord's birthday too.
Speaker 7No, wizards break cliques. Isn't that a thing they do?
Speaker 4Uh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7I think. I never remember, but I think wizards break cliques.
Speaker 1It may be. Are you going to go pick up an invitation or are you going to keep leading them to? Are you going to keep leading your team to the bakery tea shop? Let's bounce over and up an invitation. Are you going to keep leading them? Are you going to keep leading your team to the bakery tea shop?
Speaker 3Let's bounce over and get an invitation.
Speaker 2I'm going to jump into the fountain.
Speaker 1Okay, itchtooth and Seacrest. You walk out into the open, one of you jumping into the fountain and the other one bouncing over to the town crier, and all you hear is a scream Ah Goblins. The town crier is going to drop a handful of paperwork and you hear people around you scream and start running away. Ah Goblins, ah Goblins. Somebody call the guards.
Speaker 4But you currently have a. As you see, barley McWeezy says Goblins when.
Speaker 1But you currently have a stack of invitations to look through. What would you like to do?
Speaker 2I'm going to look through them for the location of a birthday cake from within the fountain.
Speaker 1Okay, you pick up one of the invitations.
Speaker 7A baker must have wrote these because I can't read a thing.
Speaker 1Yeah, actually you can't. You look at this and when you open it there's like it's folded but there's nothing on the inside, but there's like kind of a flower symbol glowing on the front. But there's like kind of a flower symbol glowing on the front of the invitation.
Speaker 4Let me see that, because I try to snatch in a random direction.
Speaker 1Yeah, you're about maybe 10 feet from the group, but go ahead and roll me 2d6 as you try and snatch one of the invitations. That's 6 of the 4. Wow Okay.
Speaker 4A big wind picks up and blows off one of the invitations from the pile and it blows into the spot where I'm fucking snatching from.
Speaker 1Yeah, you guys watch as a bunch of invitations fly up into the air and one of them just zooms directly into McWheesey's hand. You're holding an invitation, mcwheesey.
Speaker 4Yeah, I'm looking at it. I'm looking at it sideways, I'm looking at it upside down, I'm looking at it the other sideways. I'm flipping it around.
Speaker 1Since you're blind, go ahead and roll me 2d6.
Speaker 42d6. Yep, I died.
Speaker 1What did you get? What's that guys, Double what. No, way no way as the winds are blowing, the papers all around McWheezy. Mcwheezy manages to snatch one, but unfortunately gets absolutely decapitated by several others flying just fast enough to take off his scrawny little head.
Speaker 7I'm starting to believe in that bag of ghosting now.
Speaker 5Powerful magics indeed.
Speaker 1But I will say that as this McWheezy dies, a bit of their flower bag does spill out and activates it.
Speaker 4Activates. Who's your next? Mcwheezy? Oakley Oakley. Oakley McWheezy.
Speaker 1Alright, another McWheezy comes out of the shadows and picks up the bag of ghosting kind of wiping the blood off and picks up the invitation that they can now attempt to read.
Speaker 3What can Oakley do?
Speaker 4Oakley can saw through anything that's made of any sort of wood, with anything, and is conveniently coughing up sawdust all the time. Yeah, okay, so he's great at destroying stuff, but it costs him a random item.
Speaker 1Alright, oakley, you pick up this invitation and when you open it you can see that there are directions to a wizard's tower. It says it says great birthday bash for the great wizard. We will have dancing, we will have hors d'oeuvres and we will have the greatest birthday cake in the world.
Speaker 4Oh, that's a wooden platter right there underneath that cake.
Speaker 3It is.
Speaker 1It's a beautifully carved mahogany.
Speaker 4So they're great at destroying anything that's made of wood. However, they're constantly sickly because their diet consists mainly of eating the wooden objects that they carve through.
Speaker 1But yes, you guys hear Oakley McWheezy say this out loud that if you go to this wizard's tower you can find the greatest birthday cake in the world Self-proclaimed.
Speaker 5Cake. We must go, we need cake, the best cake.
Speaker 1Alright, so you currently have two options. You can continue Following Itch Tooth To the bakery, where there might be cake, or you can go To the wizard's tower for the Self-proclaimed greatest birthday cake in the world.
Speaker 3Itch Tooth is no longer Bouncing towards the bakery. Alright birthday cake in the world.
Speaker 1Itch Tooth is no longer bouncing towards the bakery. Alright, would you guys like to follow the directions to the Wizard's.
Speaker 4Tower Directions it's a mistake of mine to only make five goblins.
Speaker 3We'll throw in a couple more.
Speaker 1Who would like to lead the party to the Wizard's Tower? Okay, Seacrest.
Speaker 2How are you leading them? Who would like to?
Speaker 1lead the party to the wizard's tower. I'll do it. Okay, seacrest, how are you leading them?
Speaker 2Marching band style.
Speaker 1Marching band style.
Speaker 2His expertise is supposed to be leadership, by the way. Excellent. He hasn't done any leader whatsoever so far.
Speaker 1So why don't you give me two D6 and see how well you lead your group?
Speaker 2I got a three and a six nice.
Speaker 1That is an extreme success over a single failure. So that's not a problem, uh, but you managed to lead your team through the space. As you were walking out of the city, you can hear guards running away from where you're walking towards where you were last spotted going goblins goblin attack. We got to get them and you make your way to the wizard's tower. You come to the edge of the wizard's tower and you can see that there are two entrances, one on the left and one on the right. How would you like to handle this?
Speaker 2It's surrounded by water. It looks like.
Speaker 1It is. This is the Wizard Tower on the river, a great place for local bands.
Speaker 2That is perfect, I'm going in the water.
Speaker 1Okay, go ahead and give me. Let see you control water. You have your staff and you are lord poseidon, so that will be three d6s that is three ones. Oh no you guys watch as lord poseid, ruler of the waves, jumps into the water and is immediately swept away by a much stronger current than they expected. And as it pulls them under, they throw their trident back onto land, knowing that someone else will take up the mantle. Who's next for the Seacrest clan?
Speaker 2It is Mitchie Seacrest.
Speaker 1What are Mitchie's capabilities?
Speaker 2Mitchie Can tell the future, every single one Of their prophecies, though they will have other things in it, it will always end with you shall return to be one with the sea every single time. And so as she walks up and picks up the great trident, she will look up and be like, as I foretold, okay it's bound to be right.
Speaker 3One of these times, it was right that time.
Speaker 1Alright, you guys, the group is currently standing On the edge of a river bank. There are two bridges, one on the left, one on the right, that lead towards this wizard tower. Knowing now that the river is much stronger than it looks, how would you like to proceed? Uh, cambell, what would you like to do?
Speaker 5cambell will attempt to use the only verbal spell that he can kind of muster to get himself across the bank, which is gust.
Speaker 1Okay, now you can't speak properly. Uh, for your spells. So you're going to be rolling at disadvantage? Yes, so give me three D, six, six three and one, oh no, while that is an extreme success, that is an extreme and a regular failure. No, while that is an extreme success, that is an extreme and a regular failure. Yes, cam Bell casts Gust to cross the bank. Unfortunately, he does not speak the words properly and he only gets the guh of Gust. And he also falls in the water and is swept away.
Speaker 2As it has been foretold.
Speaker 1Who is next for the cam bells?
Speaker 5Ah, this would be condensed, all right.
Speaker 1Itch Tooth you are currently staring at a wizard's tower be condensed Alright, Uh, Itchtooth, you are currently staring at a wizard's tower that you know has the world's greatest birthday cake in it. How would you like to get there?
Speaker 7Let me show you how it's done. I'm gonna use Skybreaker and jump across the river into the wizard's tower.
Speaker 1Uh, yes, there is a window that you can reach, being a wizard's tower. It only seems to be two or three stories tall. It's surprisingly short for a tower. Uh, using your powers, why don't you go ahead and give me a 3d6 332, huh 3 uh 32. I believe you said we are having momentary issues here, so give me a second. It will Leave that in there. Leave the ooh-ooh in there. They brought this upon themselves.
Speaker 4No.
Speaker 1Alright Mav with a 3-3-2. That is, unfortunately, a failure. You attempt All right Mav with a three and a two. That is, unfortunately, a failure. You attempt to, you manage to jump over the river and you manage to land on the other side. And you go to leap up into the wizard's tower window when you are bounced away by a semi-invisible force and you land back with your group on the other side of the river, having hit the force field that surrounds the tower, and upon doing so, you notice that there are two clay golems guarding the entrance.
Speaker 4What was that last part?
Speaker 3There's two clay golems guarding the entrance.
Speaker 4Oh was that last part there's two clay golems guarding the entrance.
Speaker 1Oh cool, I heard it all. You activated the two clay golems that are guarding the entrance as you bounced off of the wizard's force field.
Speaker 7Nice Couple of mod puppets up there. Don't push me off, it's our receipt.
Speaker 4Is there a bridge I can walk across?
Speaker 1Yes, there are two bridges you can walk across.
Speaker 4Yeah, I'll just walk across the bridge, yeah easy enough.
Speaker 1It's a bridge. It's designed to be walked across. You guys watch as McWheezy goes over to the road and walks across the bridge.
Speaker 5He walk bridge, we follow.
Speaker 1As you get close to the wizard's tower McWheezy, what would you like to do?
Speaker 4Um well, Do I notice Clay golems?
Speaker 1You were warned of the clay golems as you um Got close.
Speaker 4Is there any wood on this building?
Speaker 1Yes, the roof is made of wood.
Speaker 4Hey, Skybreaker, get me to the roof. Oh, I can do that.
Speaker 7Okay.
Speaker 1Yeah, you are going to attempt to bounce another goblin onto the roof with you, so go ahead, and this time I want you to roll me four D sixes, because your own hubris believes you're capable of this.
Speaker 3Yeah, hubris, six one, four, six Hell yeah, that is two extreme successes.
Speaker 1Well, yeah, that is two extreme successes. You and McWheezy fly into the sky and land on the roof of the wizard's tower. You can see that from this angle. You can see that the force field does not extend up this high. It only protects the first floor. It keeps people from walking in the front door.
Speaker 4I will pick up, I will rip a shingle off of the roof here right, and then I will use that shingle to break my way through and into through the ceiling. Okay, as the ceiling is made of wood.
Speaker 1It is Okay. As the ceiling is made of wood, it is Okay. So I need three d6s from you and something interesting will happen on the event of if you hit a failure.
Speaker 7And this is why I'm the greatest jumper in all the land.
Speaker 4I can't believe you're still alive, have we needed it.
Speaker 2I think I failed. It didn't take any damage until he jumped in there.
Speaker 1What were your rolls?
Speaker 4So this is a three and a three and a two.
Speaker 1Oh no. So you start cutting through the roof of this building, You're cutting through it and you're cutting through it and you cut through the wood, as is your prerogative. But what you were not expecting was that this wood is superficial. The actual roof of the tower is made of stone underneath it. This is an aesthetic choice. What kind of the tower is made of stone Underneath it? This is an aesthetic choice. What kind of jackass wizard built this tower.
Speaker 1Upon the shouting of your swears, both of the clay golems stop and look up towards the roof.
Speaker 4I throw a shingle at one of them. Roll me two d6.
Speaker 1I have a two, A five and a two. Yeah Okay. The shingle embeds itself in the head of one of the clay golems and it stops for a second, but then the clay reforms around it having absorbed the item, and both clay golems let out a bellowing roar.
Speaker 4Uh, I start throwing more.
Speaker 1And what you guys see rising up from the back of the wizard's tower. Uh yeah, that's big enough. It's not. You see a large green dragon ahead, rising up from the river behind the wizard's tower. Having heard the roar of the clay golems, its eyes are sleepy. Its lips are smacking. It is ready. It is annoyed of having been woken up.
Speaker 4We fucked, we so fucked.
Speaker 1Two of you are still on the bridge having watched this escapade take place, and you can see the head rising out of of the river. What would you like to do?
Speaker 2I would like to see a way out of this okay okay, you two are fine.
Speaker 4It's just me and the other guys that are fucked.
Speaker 1Okay, romy.
Speaker 2Bitch is also observant as well Fairly very observant as well as being able to see the future.
Speaker 1Okay, so you are capable of having visions that allow you to see the future. Uh-huh, what is your quirk?
Speaker 2I thought that was the quirk.
Speaker 1No, no, no. Okay, so you have a strength a good thing and then a quirk an odd thing Right? So what's the good thing that you have is being able to see the future correct.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Okay, and what's the odd thing that you have?
Speaker 2That it will always end with this thing ending up in the sea. Oh, okay.
Speaker 1Okay, I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha. Yes, so you can see the future that it will always end up with you being back in the sea, got it? Okay, roll me, you're holding your trident correct. Yes, give me 3d6. 1, 2, and a 5 a five while that is a success, that is also an extreme failure, um so you do your best to see a vision that will give you success in this instance and instead all you see is you've been turning to the sea and that's it.
Speaker 1And you can see that the way through this force field into the wizard's tower is to use the invitation to deactivate the force field. But the clay golems are already angry and you know that by walking past them you are going to be hit and if you get hit hard enough you will end up in the river and it will send you back to the sea.
Speaker 2It shall always end up back in the sea. Use the invitation.
Speaker 1So, uh, seacrest and Campbell will run up. Use the invitation that they picked up. Seacrest and Campbell will run up, use the invitation that they picked up. Seacrest will take one bludgeoning from Clay Golem as they run through the forefield and into the front door. Inchtooth and McWeezy, you guys are still on the roof, a dragon is rearing its head behind you and Clay Golems are getting ready to jump up towards you. You heard Seacrest shout to use the invitation. Who has the invitation?
Speaker 4Seacrest. We all have. Seacrest has the invitation that we got.
Speaker 2I assume we all picked up different invitations. You guys are still on the roof.
Speaker 1The dragon is getting closer. One of the clay golems has climbed up the side of the building and is coming towards you. Oh fuck, what's your plan?
Speaker 7This dragon ain't got nothing on me. I'm the greatest jumper in all the land.
Speaker 4Oh, what the fuck I jump onto his pogo stick.
Speaker 3Pogo stick onto the back of the dragon.
Speaker 1So McWeezy latches on to Itch Tooth McWeezy. Give me 1d6. And this is going to make a huge difference on what happens to Itch Tooth. That's a 5. Excellent, that's a success. Itch Tooth McWeezy latches on to you as you go to make your jump. Your hubris is involved in this thought process. So give me four D6s as you prepare to make your leap onto the back of this dragon.
Speaker 3Four, two, one, sorry, not looking good Six.
Speaker 7Oh jeez Nice.
Speaker 1With an extreme failure and an extreme success. Itch Tooth, there are two goblins involved in this jump and you soar through the air and you and your Skybreaker make the most epic landing you have ever had, as you and McWheezy land on the back of the head of this green dragon. You're now standing on top of a dragon. What are you going to do? That's a great question Drugs.
Speaker 7Do you make any birthday cakes? We need birthday cake. What.
Speaker 4That was the plan. That was the plan.
Speaker 1Roll me a d6 for persuasion Four Jesus Christ.
Speaker 4Okay.
Speaker 1The dragon. You watch as its big like copper-colored eye is going to roll back towards you and its head turns a little bit and it's glaring at you, but it's no longer. It's not thrashing, it's not snapping and it's not trying to to eat you. So what? You're standing on top of a dragon. The dragon has stopped, but it's not trying to eat you. But what's your plan here?
Speaker 4I'm not the one who is trying to convince a dragon that we need.
Speaker 1While this is going on, Campbell Cam-bel, I thought you ran into the wizard's tower with Seacrest.
Speaker 5Did you not? I see dragon me fight, her me fight. You're going to Okay.
Speaker 1Okay. So as Itchtooth and McWeezy land on the back of the dragon, it is momentarily distracted as Campbell runs out of the bush and does what?
Speaker 5Me punch dragon in eye with a spoon in hand.
Speaker 1Campbell, if you could go ahead and give me a description, what is your ability?
Speaker 5and quirk Me. Great fighter, but me make candy Chocolate. Got it Me, love chocolate. Okay, me can only attack every other turn.
Speaker 1Right, right, Okay, so with spoon in hand. So we'll call that a weapon. You guys watch as Campbell Makes the most Absurd Move towards the dragon Campbell, give me 3d6.
Speaker 3I don't think that's the most absurd move Towards the dragon.
Speaker 1You jumped over in an attempt to save your guys. Campbell is attempting to fight. We'll see what happens. That's going to be a 4, 5 and a 5 In an attempt to save your guys.
Speaker 5Campbell is attempting to fight. We'll see what happens.
Speaker 1That's going to be a four, five and a five. Wow, you guys watch as Campbell jumps off of the riverbank, soars through the air, his arm wrapped around his spoon, a trail of chocolates coming off of his attack, as he slams his fist into the eye of this dragon that you momentarily distracted as the dragon collapses, allergic to chocolate, you guys are now standing on top of an unconscious dragon body in the river With a spoon, gouging out one of its eyes.
Speaker 1With a spoon gouging out one of its eyes. Its body is big enough to make you a bridge back onto the bank of the river.
Speaker 7That dragon did not know how to make birthday cake. I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 5Ooh chocolate me eat.
Speaker 1Uh, yeah, you guys. Uh, mcweezy and Itchtooth, you make your way back onto the riverbank, as Campbell has to stop and eat the chocolate that he created during his attack. Uh, you are still outside the force field, though. What's your plan?
Speaker 4I ain't got shit. We can jump back over the force field, though. What's your plan? I ain't got shit. We can jump back over the force field.
Speaker 1Well, you know that one of your companions made it inside. Maybe there's still an opening where they deactivated the force field by the front door.
Speaker 4There. That's a totally reasonable and rational.
Speaker 3Thogmor is going to pick up Condensed, put him on the pogo stick and bounce him around to the front door while he's eating chocolate, oh jeez.
Speaker 1Okay, I need three D6s from you, itchtooth, and I need one D6 from Campbell. Four, six, three, four Got it. Okay, campbell, you manage to not throw up. As you are bounced around now full of chocolate Itch Tooth, you bounce one, two, three times past the clay golem that's still on the ground and into the opening of the front door through the force field. The only one left outside now is McWheezy.
Speaker 4I was on the back.
Speaker 1Were you. Yeah, alright, go ahead and roll me a d6. Ah shit, let's see how well you held on.
Speaker 3What's better than three goblins on a pogo stick? What?
Speaker 1did you get A one Itch Tooth bounces just a little bit too hard as he's coming around a corner, the same, like you know, knee to the ground. You never expected a pogo stick to be able to do that, but he did. And when he shoots back up, you keep going the other way. And Oak McWheezy, Oakley McWheezy, takes one point of slashing damage as they fly through the pricker bushes.
Speaker 4So I said that I am incredibly sickly and weak due to my unusual diet. Do I have one HP?
Speaker 1I need another D6 from you, because you would have been rolling at disadvantage anyway.
Speaker 4That's another one.
Speaker 1Again. Oh my gosh, Oakley McWheezy dies Itch Tooth. You watch as Oakley McWheezy slips off your back and slides through a pricker bush getting shredded, and if impales themselves on a broken tree branch just beyond it. Oh, hang on.
Speaker 7He's dead. Yeah, should I hang on a bit tighter?
Speaker 5He dead.
Speaker 1Um. The bag of ghosting Is picked up by who?
Speaker 4Oat McWheesey. Oat Oatly McWheesey.
Speaker 1Oatly McWheesey, comes out of the shadows Of the forest edge On the edge of this island, picks up the bag of ghosting and walks.
Speaker 4Smile and you see that he, edge on the edge of this island, picks up the bag of ghosting and walks, and you see that he has a bunch of gooey-ass oatmeal hanging out of his teeth.
Speaker 3Gross.
Speaker 1But he walks through the front door and you guys find yourselves inside the wizard's tower.
Speaker 2It's just a good kind tower In the entryway this entire time playing with her jewelry, waiting for everyone else to show up.
Speaker 4Sorry me impaling myself and dying was so inconvenient for you.
Speaker 1As you guys enter this wizard's tower, you find that it is incredibly cramped, like even for a goblin. You would think that entering a wizard's tower would be bigger. You see a long hallway in front of you with several small offshoots. What would you like to do?
Speaker 5Me think illusion, me check wall.
Speaker 1How are you checking the wall? Me punch fist. Okay, go ahead and roll me 2d6.
Speaker 5That's going to be a 5 and a 6. Wow.
Speaker 1You punch the wall. It's a real wall. You punch through the real wall, you managed to not hurt yourself and you get a chocolate bar out of it, but these walls are real. This is a very cramped space.
Speaker 5Ooh chocolate Me eat.
Speaker 4I'm going to make some oatmeal.
Speaker 1Steakrest. What are you doing? You've been in here the longest. What have you been up?
Speaker 2to. I imagine that she would have been trying to see how to get through it, where the cake is.
Speaker 1Go ahead and roll me. The cake is in the sea. Go ahead and roll me 3D6.
Speaker 2A 5, a 1, and a 2.
Speaker 1Okay, ooh, okay, okay, you can. It's a little fuzzy in here, like your visions are a little blurry and you spent the first few seconds of your time in here walking down the hallway checking each of the different offshoots, seeing if one of them would lead you to the cake. Unfortunately, while you were doing this, you weren't paying attention and you stepped into a hallway and got like you stubbed your toe on on like a side table thing. Who puts this in the middle of a hallway that's already cramped? That's just inconsiderate Rude and you take one bludgeoning damage.
Speaker 2And I've already taken one earlier, so Mitch is dead. Rip.
Speaker 1You guys enter you guys, enter you guys after your fight with the dragon the rest of you, campbell, itchtooth and McWheezy you enter the wizard's tower to find Seacrest dead on the floor, itchtooth and McWheezy. You pick them up and throw them outside, where they roll down the bank into the river and are thus returned to the sea.
Speaker 4I'm so sorry. As was foretold.
Speaker 1As was foretold, he has returned to the sea. As another goblin steps out of the shadows and picks up the trident. Who has joined us now?
Speaker 2We have Mako Seacrest. Mako is wearing a seashell bra and a torn up fake mermaid tail, but it's crawling around. They can walk because of how torn up the tail is, but no, they're crawling around on their arms as if they actually have a tail.
Speaker 4Oh, jeez Okay.
Speaker 1You guys find yourself facing this incredibly cramped hallway that has already killed one of your companions. What would you like to do?
Speaker 4I would like to hand everybody a bowl of oatmeal.
Speaker 1Uh okay, does this oatmeal do anything, or is it just a snack?
Speaker 4Uh, I thought it would heal people, but uh, okay, that might be a little bit.
Speaker 1No, you could. Uh, if anybody currently has one damage, you have now been healed by Odie McWheezy's.
Speaker 4I tried to do that before you know anything else happened, but you died before we walked in there.
Speaker 1You knocked me south again. Yeah, no, fuck, h-tooth is gonna live again.
Speaker 4He has survived so much bullshit.
Speaker 1And then there's fucking McWheezy, who died to a paper cut.
Speaker 4Okay, God damn it. I wasn't expecting that. Okay, I coughed up my beer.
Speaker 3Itch Tooth.
Speaker 5And it returned to the sea.
Speaker 1Itch Tooth you come in. You have helped dump the body. You're back in the sea. Itchtooth you come in. You have helped dump the body. You're back in the hallway. There's not a lot of room to jump here, but what would you like to do?
Speaker 3So this is what we see right. There's a straight path, A straight path with a couple of offshoots. Clogmorth is going to try and use the pogo stick to jump horizontally across the entire path. Yes, Okay.
Speaker 1Give. Try and use the pogus to jump horizontally across the entire path. Okay, give me. Wow, no, we're going to count, this is your hubris thinking you can jump horizontally, all right. So this is going to be 4d6, but it's going to be disadvantaged, so the low rolls take priority.
Speaker 4That's not good.
Speaker 3No, that's not good, no it's not good.
Speaker 4One, three, four, six.
Speaker 1You and your fucking sixes, the sixes and the ones cancel each other out, and the three and the four Okay. So you attempt to jump horizontally, you start bouncing, you bounce back, you land, your pogo stick against the wall and you jump up just a little bit too much and you kind of crash into a little chandelier thing. Kind of crash into like a little chandelier thing, like not quite not like a, it's like a lamp coming down out of the ceiling that's lighting up the place. It's not hanging, but it's fixed, and you slam into it and while you are not injured, your movement has also stopped oh yes.
Speaker 7I don't feel good also. The light has gone. Movement has also stopped. Oh yes, spots Moose. I don't feel good.
Speaker 1Also, the light has gone out in this part of the hallway. Any attempts at looking around or attempting to investigate things in this section of the hallways is now at disadvantage because the light is out.
Speaker 5But me have nose, me smell cake or attempt to smell cake.
Speaker 1You want to try and smell the cake? Yes, while your face has recently stuffed with chocolate, yep. Okay.
Speaker 1So what exactly are you smelling for Cake? Yeah, all right, go ahead and give me a D6, because I believe this is a fighter character, not an investigative one. Five, uh, yeah, you can follow your nose. Uh, you guys watch as ambil uh starts sniffing around after eating the chocolate bar that they punched out of the hole in the wall. They start sniffing around and they start running down the hallway, down the main hallway, not stopping Just sniffing Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake. Follow. Do you guys follow him?
Speaker 4Michael will be crawling along behind.
Speaker 5As you can tell, Condensed is very condensed in his words.
Speaker 1You guys follow him down the hallway and as you make it to the end of the hallway, you suddenly find yourselves back at the beginning of the hallway. It's dark here still. This is the same hallway.
Speaker 5It's a really long hallway. You have condensed on the other side now Of the hallway that we're kind of spread out in so Condensed. Would like to investigate this wall, me punch wall.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, go ahead and roll me 3d6 to punch the second wall. Four, three and a four. Okay, that is technical success. You take a swing at this wall. This wall is illusionary, it does not exist, uh. But you do also drop some, like I don't know uh, chocolate kisses on the ground. As you take a swing at it, chocolate me eat. But as you take a swing at it, you see, uh, that this area is lit up by a non-existent light source. There's a straight line of darkness down where the hallway was, but this area that was revealed is bright.
Speaker 2Nico's gonna crawl towards the light.
Speaker 5Me, no care Me, eat chocolate.
Speaker 1Alright, uh, Seacrest, is there anything you would like to do to help this investigation?
Speaker 2Is there anything like close to the ground? That's useful? Because, yeah, he is not. He is very close to the ground. He's not standing.
Speaker 4See what's happening here.
Speaker 1Roll me two d6s, because you are close to the ground and we'll see what happens.
Speaker 2That is two sixes.
Speaker 1Nice, because you are already lying on the ground and you have just borne witness to the fact that some of these walls are real and some are illusionary. From your position, you can see that there is a slight gap between the floor, the darkness and the illusory walls, where the real walls, like, intercede with the darkness entirely. So you can see from your current position that, hang on, uh, the walls on this side are all illusory except the one at the end, and all of the other walls are real.
Speaker 2Well, he'll reveal all the fake walls as being fake.
Speaker 1So you can see that at this end there is one real door. That is not just a magical opening.
Speaker 2I'm going to the door, the real door.
Speaker 1Okay, what would you like to do?
Speaker 2I'm going to open it Excellent.
Speaker 1Go ahead and roll me a d6 to open the door. Actually, roll me two d6s because you're on the ground.
Speaker 2Two, threes.
Speaker 1Okay, the door does not open. You're wondering if it's because you can't reach the handle.
Speaker 4Yeah, that's probably it.
Speaker 2He is now going to flail like a fish on land.
Speaker 1He's going to flail like a fish. You guys watch as this mermaid goblin scratches at a door and then starts throwing a tantrum. How do you want to handle this?
Speaker 5Me see door no open Me punch door open.
Speaker 1Alright, you're going to take a strike at the door, yes, and Belle runs up behind you, steps over you, Seacrest, and is going to strike the door. Give me 3d6. 3, 1, and a 6. Campbell, you strike the door really hard. It hurts your hand. You take one point of aggravated damage and the door does not open Chocolate me eat.
Speaker 2Yeah, he had a 6 and a 1. Every time he does an attack action Chocolate me eat? Yeah, he had a six and a one.
Speaker 5Every time he does an attack action, he creates chocolate.
Speaker 1Yeah, so this time, when you take a swing at this door, what pops out are like? They look like chocolate truffles, but they're white chocolate truffles, cookies and cream Yuck. I love that shit Cookies and cream.
Speaker 4Yuck, I love that shit. What do you mean?
Speaker 1yuck, somebody loves something but everybody knows that white chocolate is the weakest of the chocolates.
Speaker 5Says the guy who eats cheese off the ground.
Speaker 1Everybody knows white chocolate is the weakest of the chocolates and cookies and cream chocolate is just sugar. I chocolates and cookies and cream chocolate is just sugar.
Speaker 3I'd say cookies and cream over dark chocolate. See.
Speaker 1Most of the world would disagree with you. I don't even like dark chocolate.
Speaker 3I am a milk chocolate person. Milk chocolate is the best.
Speaker 4I think it's just you that disagrees.
Speaker 1You know what? Campbell doesn't like white chocolate either.
Speaker 5Me hate universe.
Speaker 1Me hate universe. I don't know what Campbell eats, but effectively you dropped a couple of white chocolate truffles. They hit the ground and they're kind of like they got little stone pieces on them now.
Speaker 5Me really hate. Universe X flavor pieces on them now?
Speaker 1Yeah Me really hate universe. Extra flavor it's crunchy now, but the door does not open.
Speaker 5Oh, that could be a downside. So when he attacks and he fails and he takes damage from his attack and everything like that, the little chunky bits are actually bits of bone.
Speaker 1Oh God. No, that's great, but no.
Speaker 5Me really hate universe.
Speaker 4There's no reason for that it makes white chocolate and he doesn't like it.
Speaker 1All right, itch Tooth, you watch as Seacrest and Campbell both fail to open the door. It is your turn. What would you like to do?
Speaker 3All right, oh give this door, troy. He's going to lumber over, still bouncing the whole time, but he's not jumping towards the door, he's just going to open the door while bouncing. How would you like to open the door With his hands on the door handle? Yeah, all right, give me.
Speaker 1Well, you are bouncing and that makes it tough to open a door, but you are the best bouncer, so that makes it okay to do things while bouncing and it is.
Speaker 1Give me 3d6 nice 661 Jesus Christ that's a critical success you guys watch as itch tooth comes over, stares at you on the ground throwing a tantrum. Stares at you on the ground, uh, throwing a tantrum. Stares at you Campbell crunching through gravel chocolate and, while bouncing, pulls the door open. Wow, and do you see, on the other side of this door, not not a room, not a hallway of this door, not a room, not a hallway, but a whole-ass building on like a flatland.
Speaker 4Hmm, I hand everybody a bowl of oatmeal.
Speaker 1Wait, where'd you get a bowl of oatmeal? Did you make more oatmeal?
Speaker 2It would make sense Make oatmeal with only water.
Speaker 1Wait, wait. Hold on Time out a second Wait. If you could please explain out loud what Oat McWheezy is capable of.
Speaker 4Nope, they got to figure it out on their own.
Speaker 1No, no. I am going to read this out loud because our listeners are going to want to hear this bullshit. Oat McWheezy can make oatmeal with only water, but only when no one is looking. He coughs up whole oats all the time and feeds everyone with quick oats. They're made in mere seconds, already warm and ready to eat, and they're capable of healing you. Really bad charisma, though, as they have gooey oats in their teeth. Roll me 2d6 oat McWheezy to figure out where you got the water from.
Speaker 3A six.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, you carry a, but you've got like a flask on you. But you are all given another bowl of piping hot oatmeal.
Speaker 4I wouldn't say piping hot, it's warm, no no, no, that's a six and a five.
Speaker 1This is an extreme success. This is piping hot oatmeal.
Speaker 5Me no like oatmeal.
Speaker 1Me refuse. Your oatmeal has tiny chocolate chips in it. Me like oatmeal, me refuse. This is your oatmeal.
Speaker 1It has tiny chocolate chips in it, me eat oatmeal and you anyone who took damage is healed again. You guys are standing outside of a large stone building and your goblin senses tell you that there is cake nearby. This must be where the wizard is keeping the world's best birthday cake. What would you like to do, kaambo? You are first in the rolls Me head to door. Knock Kaambo heads to the door. This is a massive door. This is a massive door. It's a good four or five times the size of any door you've dealt with in your short life so far.
Speaker 5Me knock with attack.
Speaker 4Me knock with attack.
Speaker 1You want to punch the door? You are you? Oh wait, no, you're striking it with your spoon right Me knock with attack. Yeah, okay, so that is 3d6 to knock on this door.
Speaker 4Thanks for the laugh 6-2 and a 3.
Speaker 1A 6, a 2, and a 3. Your extreme success cancels out the two regular failures. You knock on the door with your attack. Uh, a bunch of chocolate shavings fall off. Uh, you could tell that this is me yeah, it's a marbled chocolate you fall down to eat as the door opens. Uh, and a surprisingly small kobold is standing there with like an icing bag in their hand, staring at you eat chocolate off the ground what do you want?
Speaker 4we come for cake. Were you invited? Yes, uh go ahead this guy gave us all of their invitations.
Speaker 1We're so invited uh, yeah, go ahead and roll me 2d6. You're talking with disadvantage.
Speaker 4I think I choked on some oatmeal.
Speaker 1Yeah, your mouth is full of oatmeal.
Speaker 4I'd be a 2 and a 1.
Speaker 1Aha, right. So as you say this, the kobold is going to look at you like you're insane. Mm-hmm, the kobold is going to look at you like you're insane. And he is going to. How does he hurt you? You go to step in to greet the kobold and he slams the door on you and bonks you in the nose.
Speaker 4Yeah, don't cake to the end of the party. We're still working on it. Go away.
Speaker 1Itch Tooth. You watch this happen. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7It seems they don't want us walking through the front door, so let's just jump on the roof.
Speaker 4Only I still had Oakley.
Speaker 1Roll the roof each tooth two, five, one three, a two, a five, a one and a. Yes, okay, that is an extreme failure. You jump up onto the roof. You can see the roof. It's a very tall building but you know you can get there. You jump up and you clear the edge of the roof and while you expected to land there, you were not prepared for there being no roof on this building whatsoever. And you fall into the kitchen and take one aggravated damage because you were not prepared to land where you landed, like one of your ankles rolls underneath you. Yeah, it's like you missed the last step on a staircase. You are inside standing next to, like you fell next to Cobalt holding an icing bag, but you can see from where you are. You can see the cake.
Speaker 7It's the birthday cake, I told you to leave?
Speaker 4No, you didn't.
Speaker 7Yes, I did.
Speaker 5Me punch door as hard as can.
Speaker 1All right. As they start arguing, you strike the door and bell. So give me, you're punching the door right. You're not striking it with a spoon.
Speaker 5Not striking it with spoon, but spoon in hand, spoon magic. Right, you're not striking it with a spoon, not striking it with spoon, but spoon in hand, spoon magic.
Speaker 1Right, but you're not using the 3d6.
Speaker 5He holds onto the spoon for luck, basically.
Speaker 1Yeah, I gotcha I gotcha 3d6.
Speaker 13, 4, 1. You punch the door as hard as you can. You've punched doors before you know you're going to break this. Unfortunately you don't, and as your fist slams into the door, you hear your knuckles crack a little bit and um, like uh, a white chocolate, peppermint bark style situation is what falls on the floor as your fingers crunch. You mean like a Thin Mint. So no, it's hard and crackly. It's a white chocolate and candy cane mixture that's laid out in a flat layer, and then you bash it with a hammer and you eat it in shards.
Speaker 1That actually sounds really good, brad, it's delicious, but it also represents your broken bones as you take an aggravated damage striking this door again me hurt.
Speaker 5Wait, did I get hurt last time?
Speaker 1oh no, I got, you got hurt right, you got healed, so you have one aggravated damage and we're going to seacrest. You've watched this door open and close twice and slammed on one of your companions. You're alive. You're on the ground. What are you up to?
Speaker 2I'm not sure this door is the best way in.
Speaker 1Maybe not. Do you have any other plans?
Speaker 2I'm going to see if I can find a vent.
Speaker 1A vent.
Speaker 4I'll throw a vent.
Speaker 1You, okay, okay, a vent. So are you going left or right around the building? I'm going this way. Okay, you're taking the long way. Okay, you start going around the building. You don't see any vent from here, not from here.
Speaker 1Along this side of the thing, an event. From here, not from here. Along this side of the thing, you come to a large, very large window with like that weird square kind of bulgy glass that you can't really see through it, but it lets the light in and it doesn't look like this window opens and you probably can't break it. It's pretty thick, uh. You keep going, you find another window, uh, of the same material, and you can get just like a glimpse of the cake inside as the light is shining through from the ovens, uh. And as you turn the corner on the other side of the building, you find your first vent vent. It's a little higher up and some like you're not sure if it's smoke or steam that's coming out of it. It's not a chimney, but it could be like one of those overhead fans over like a oven. You might be able to fit in there. It would be a tight squeeze.
Speaker 2That one might require standing, and while he can stand, he doesn't like to.
Speaker 4I would like to point out that he has seashells over his nipples. He does. Why would you like to point that out? What did that bring to the narrative table?
Speaker 2I would also like to point out that he has a giant chest. He's very well endowed in the chest area.
Speaker 1Yeah, he spends all of his time crawling around on his hands right. Very Joe Swanson-esque.
Speaker 2You'll see when I send the pictures later Joe.
Speaker 4Swanson-esque. Hold on, you'll see when I send the pictures later.
Speaker 1So you keep looking for another vent and you can see that there is. This appears to be the backside of a large wood oven. It has on the outside here a stack of very large logs, a stack of smaller cut wood and an opening so you can open the back door of this oven and push the large logs in to help bank the fire and whatnot. This could be a way in.
Speaker 2We could set the whole place on fire. Then they'd have to take the cake out. That's not a bad plan. I'm going to start the whole place on fire.
Speaker 1Then they'd have to take the cake out. That's not a bad plan.
Speaker 2I'm gonna start pushing logs into the fire.
Speaker 1Okay, yeah, okay. So you're pretty strong, but you are not standing right.
Speaker 2I am not standing.
Speaker 1Okay, give me 2d6.
Speaker 26 and a 4.
Speaker 1Hell yeah, that is an extreme success and a regular success. You throw this door open and this oven isn't lit yet.
Speaker 2Oh, it isn't.
Speaker 1You can see that the wood has been stacked neatly, and through the opening you can see somebody, a very large person, in an apron with horns on their head. They seem to be struggling to light the long match that they would use to light this oven, but it's currently cold, so if you wanted to crawl in through here, now's your chance, or you could keep pushing logs in and hope that when he lights it it's your chance.
Speaker 1Or you can add yeah, or you could keep pushing logs in and hope that when he lights it it's too big of a fire.
Speaker 6So, however, you want to handle it. Can I do both?
Speaker 1Roll me 1d6. A 5. Yeah, you can do both. You are capable of pushing a bunch of logs in here and you drag one up behind you as you climb through. You have packed this thing with wood and you've left the back door open, so it's gonna get the oxygen. Yeah, and you kind of where well, I mean kurt, like you're inside of a giant oven. Now where would you like to go?
Speaker 2I would like to crawl underneath this table.
Speaker 1All right, Give me 2d6, because you are low to the ground and they're not expecting someone to crawl in through the oven.
Speaker 2Two, threes.
Speaker 1One of the chefs that's trying to light the match spots you as you flop onto the ground out of the oven and he says hey, who let this fish out the basket? And he's going to pick you up by the tail or by the tail remnant and he goes. No wonder they let you out the basket. This is ugly as sin and he's going to take you into the storeroom and put you on a crate. Whoever bought that? You know we only get the finest Ingredients in here. If I find out who you are, I'm docking your pay and he goes back to try to light the log.
Speaker 2Huh Mako is now offended at being called Disgusting seafood.
Speaker 3I'm delicious seafood, damn it.
Speaker 4Pretty much.
Speaker 1Mick Wheezy, you're still outside. What would you like to do?
Speaker 4Rub it in my face. I'm going to open the door and walk back in.
Speaker 1Oh right, you got hit in the nose. You're going to open your door and walk back in. Mm-hmm. All right, go ahead and give me a D6. See if you can open the door.
Speaker 4Five Thank fuck.
Speaker 1Yeah, it seems that the kobold inside was immediately distracted by a goblin falling through the non-existent roof and forgot to lock the door. It swings open and you can see the kobold standing over it, tooth with his icing bag, kind of pointed at him in some kind of defense attempt. Because he started an argument hey.
Speaker 4Give us the cake and nobody gets ghosted.
Speaker 5We attack Kobold.
Speaker 4Swinging the sack around to try and intimidate him.
Speaker 1Okay, you're going to swing the loose sack of flour around to try and intimidate him, creating kind of like a flour cloud. Yes, got it, and Ambel is going to run forward and punch him. Apparently, and Itchtooth. You see this happening while you were having your argument and you were getting back up. Do you do anything to aid in this moment?
Speaker 3Itch Tooth is focused on that birthday cake, doesn't even know what's happening behind him. Well, mid-argument, you know.
Speaker 1Right, like you're just kind of talking to him out the side of your mouth. Yeah, okay, got it. So give me two D6s and Campbell, give me three.
Speaker 4Can I get a third one, because I'm using my item?
Speaker 1That's why you have two.
Speaker 4Okay, I died. What do you mean you?
Speaker 1died. Okay, hang on, did you roll two ones again?
Speaker 4So my last roll was a one, so I got the door slammed on my face. So I had a damage. I just rolled a two and a one. Okay, okay.
Speaker 1K'Ambel. How was your roll? So I can put this all together.
Speaker 5What am I rolling again?
Speaker 1You're giving me a three, d6 because you are attacking A six, a four,6 because you are attacking A 6, a 4, and a 1.
Speaker 1Excellent. That is a success because the extremes cancel each other out. Mcwheezy starts swinging their bag of flour around, creating a massive flour cloud that starts drifting in to the bakery, to this kitchen space. K'ambel rushes in and he strikes the kobold as little edges of a crunch bar falls out of him and because of his movement, the wind created by his punch forces the flower cloud to the side as it drifts towards an open oven oh no and a massive sudden combustion of flower rips through around the corner, taking out another baker that was making bread, the remainder of this kobold who was threatening Itch Tooth.
Speaker 1It bypasses Itch Tooth and slams into McWheeze, who is blown back in a small particle explosion and dies McWheezy. Out of the shadows, from the area that you came, another goblin comes and picks up the bag of ghosting so aptly named.
Speaker 4Sack McWeezy.
Speaker 1Sack McWeezy picks up the bag of ghosting and steps into the room. Kaambel and Ichito due to the punch that Kaambel threw, you did manage to avoid being burned by this explosion, but you are currently sitting here watching as a new McWheezy steps into the space. You Itch Tooth. You would have seen them. You would have seen the chef take Seacrest into the storage room and complain about the ugly fish. But you guys are all now inside the kitchen. You all have eyes on the birthday cake. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7Saka ghosting is quite powerful indeed.
Speaker 1Me see, chocolate me eat.
Speaker 3You stoop down to munch on your crunch bar, ogmorph with the objective in his eyes the lights at the end of the tunnel is going to pogo.
Speaker 2Stick his way over and try and pick up the whole fucking cake okay, well done there is, yeah, go ahead, seacrest, I was gonna say Seacrest is struggling is on top of like go ahead, seacrest. I was going to say Seacrest is struggling. It's on top of a bunch of crates and it's trying to figure out how to get out without getting stuck between them.
Speaker 1Yeah, okay, right, we'll work that. First, seacrest, give me 2d6. This is a disadvantage 5 and a 4.
Speaker 1Still a success. You barely manage to roll yourself off of these crates and into the open floor and as you do, you come to the door and you watch Itchtooth bounding his way across the room towards the cake. Itchtooth, there is somebody in your way who is putting finishing touches on the best birthday cake in the world. But you know you can jump past them if you are careful. Give me three d6 524. That is a success. You they hear you coming. He turns around and he throws I forgot the name of that, uh, that almond paste that they sculpt things out of fondant. Yeah, he throws like a fondant sculptured flower at you in an attempt to knock you off balance, but you sidestep it. You get to the cake. You are bouncing, you try and pick it up. Give me four d6.
Speaker 1Come on, let's go six, one, three, three itch tooth, you attempt to pick up this cake. You are not prepared for how heavy this thing is. This is probably one of the densest, moist, moistest, most frosting-covered cakes you have ever seen in your life and you cannot pick it up alone. You put your hand under it and go to bounce away and it stops you dead in your tracks. Ka-am Belle, you watch as Itch Tooth dodges a flying fondant flower and stops, unable to move the cake. What do you do?
Speaker 5Me rush cake Me help.
Speaker 1You run over. How do you help Me?
Speaker 3help Sorry you can uppercut. How do you help Me help? What if, like you get under?
Speaker 5the pogo stick. Why use many words when few words do?
Speaker 1Because I need to know how you're helping, to know how many dice are rolling Me help. Okay, you get one D6. Give me a. D6.
Speaker 4Hit you with the alright Okay.
Speaker 1How are you trying to help me help? You watch as kambel runs towards you to try and help itch tooth. You see the look in his eye he is going to help you lift this cake, but he is too focused and he does not manage to dodge the flying fondant flower from the chef working on this cake. He gets smacked in the side of the head. He doesn't take damage, but he ends up underneath the table unable to push the cake. Seacrest.
Speaker 2Seacrest, seeing this, will crawl under the table and try to drag the table, because that is obviously what Campbell was going for. Like, if we can't pick up the cake, we gotta drag the table, because that is obviously what Campbell was going for. Like, if we can't pick up the cake, we gotta drag the whole table with the cake.
Speaker 1Seacrest, give me 2d6 because you're sneaking past this hobgoblin on the floor.
Speaker 2Uh, 1d6.
Speaker 1You manage to dodge the flying fondant flower and you end up underneath the table to help Campbell McW flower and you end up underneath the table to help K'Ambel McWheeze. You watch as your new companions are trying to move this birthday cake. How do you help I?
Speaker 4go to kill the uh the chef.
Speaker 1Okay.
Speaker 4With my sack of ghosting Jesus.
Speaker 5we already know what happens? Wait, the chef or the hobgoblin, because there's a big difference there.
Speaker 1The chef. You're going after the chef. You're going after the chef the guy who was trying to light the long stick for the oven. No the guy who was decorating the cake.
Speaker 4Who was decorating the cake?
Speaker 3The hobgoblin. The hobgoblin was decorating the cake.
Speaker 4Okay, the hobgoblin then.
Speaker 1Okay, you go after the hobgoblin. The Hobgoblin sees you coming. Give me a d6 to dodge the flying fondant flower that he is using as ninja stars. What happened?
Speaker 4That's a one.
Speaker 1Okay, you take this flying fondant star to the face Flack. That is way harder than any frosting you've ever eaten before.
Speaker 2In the eye. It went right in the eye, right in the eye.
Speaker 4You fucking actual throwing star.
Speaker 3You only put the best things on the best birthday cake. Let's be honest yeah, only the best things on the best birthday cake.
Speaker 1Let's be honest, yeah, only the best things on the best birthday cakes. So now, kaambel, seacrest, itchtooth McWeezy three of you are at or near this cake. Mcweezy has taken a hit, but they are coming up behind you. The chef turns and sees you and he yells Stay away from my birthday cake. What do you do? He is stalking towards you with a long flaming stick.
Speaker 3With all of the extra force being put on the table, Itch Tooth is going to lodge the Skybreaker, like one of the spokes of the Skybreaker, under the table. Put all the force he can and release it into the air so that all of us go with on a flying table of cake.
Speaker 1You want to jump the table out of here.
Speaker 3Yeah, we're going to be the table jumpers. We're going to be the table jumpers, Okay okay.
Speaker 1This is going to be some rolls. Okay, mcweezy. First you took a hit, but you're still trying to distract. This is gonna be some rolls, okay, uh, mcwheezy, first you took a hit, but you're still trying to distract this hobgoblin with your bag of flour. Uh, let's go with you first. Are you smacking them with it? Are you like trying to blind them? Are you creating another flower cloud? What's going on?
Speaker 4I'm hitting them with it got it.
Speaker 1You're gonna smack them with it. Give me three D6.
Speaker 4Two fives and a three.
Speaker 1Got it you manage to knock them away with your bag of flour and you get up under the table with everybody else. Kaambel.
Speaker 4Seacrest, you are a ghost now.
Speaker 1They are covered in flour. They are a ghost. It gives the chef momentary pause to see. One of their compatriots is now a ghost Ambel Seacrest. I need three D six from each of you to see how much force you can put under this table.
Speaker 5A six, a one into three a four, a six and a two.
Speaker 1Hell yeah, that is an excellent number of extreme successes and regular two. Hell yeah, that is an excellent number of extreme successes and regular successes. You guys put all of your strength behind this table, grabbing the legs and trying to throw it up into the air. Itch Tooth, it's you and your Skybreaker and your team. Give me 5 D6.
Speaker 3Come on, there's never been a roll in my entire life that has mattered more.
Speaker 4Yeah.
Speaker 3One, Five, three, one yeah, I was joking obviously Two, three.
Speaker 1Five, three, one, two, three Yep. The Skybreaker breaks.
Speaker 7No.
Speaker 1The springs are not strong enough, you go to jump up and the weight is just too much. Skybreaker rolls will now be at disadvantage and the cake does not move. The chef is getting over his distraction of his ghosted companion and he is going to swing at you, campbell, with his long flaming stick. How do you defend yourself? Me block with spoon. You go to block with the spoon. That gives you 2d6. Two and a five, that's enough of a success. You manage to block this flaming stick, but the chocolate that comes out is melting on the ground. You might have to lick it up. Unfortunately, chocolate, me lick. Seacrest. You're still under this table, straining with all your might. What do you do?
Speaker 2I want to pull the table towards the door.
Speaker 1You're going to start dragging the cake. 4d6.
Speaker 2A 1, a 6, a 3, and a 4.
Speaker 1Got it. That is technically a neutral roll Itch Tooth. You see Seacrest trying to drag this cake table and not jump it. How crazy are they. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7That's just crazy enough to work.
Speaker 3He's not going to use the pogo stick, he's not going to use Skybreaker, but he's definitely not letting it go. He'll get under you know, brace his knees, lift with his legs and not his back like a fucking crazy person. Got it. He's going to put everything he can. Got it. He's gonna put everything he can into this. He's strong enough to lift this table.
Speaker 1He knows it, he is the best jumper in his clan. His legs are very powerful. Give me 3d6.
Speaker 3A 3, a 4, and a 1. Oh no.
Speaker 1Itch Tooth. You push so hard you hear something click in your back Ah, you've thrown it out. You've thrown it out too much. You push so hard, you have snapped your own spine.
Speaker 7That's me. That's me spying it was nice knowing you.
Speaker 1Itch Tooth collapses under the table, dead. From the sky falls the next Itch Tooth to pick up the mantle of Skybreaker who joins us.
Speaker 7Hi everybody, Name's Scratchy and I've got some fleas, Alright. Okay, okay, scratchy, you have just joined this hectic situation.
Speaker 1Okay, scratty, you have just joined this hectic Situation. You see a chef swinging at one of your companions With a long flaming stick. You see another guy With a fondant flower when his eye used to be. You see one trying to drag this table Off the greatest birthday cake in the world. How do you help?
Speaker 3Well clearly you just need some fleas, and Scratchy Itchtooth is going to release his swarm upon the chef, and the hobgoblin and the stoker oh jeez oh no, yeah, okay, wow, so explain your character please. This is Scratchy, who is scared of loud noises and has pet fleas.
Speaker 1Got it OK. So there are no loud noises to worry about, so give me three D6.
Speaker 5Except when the table moves, because it's going to make that loud dragging sound. I don't know, this could be linoleum, except when the table moves and makes that loud dragging sound. As somebody who owns linoleum floors.
Speaker 1No, no, no. This is a good table. It's got the wheels on it because they're going to be delivering the cake.
Speaker 3Five six and four, Then why is? It so hard to play A five a six and a four. Okay.
Speaker 1Maybe the wheels are locked so it doesn't move while they're working on it. Yeah, anyway, with a five, a six and a four, that is an extreme success. And you watch as your new companion sends out a swarm of fleas that they cover the face of the hobgoblin. They rush up the body of the chef. They start fighting themselves, slapping at them Like ah, no, bugs in the kitchen, that's terrible, we're gonna get in so much trouble. The stoker pulls out a flaming piece of wood in an attempt to bat them away. As they get closer, he falls into a pile of spices and the chef, his long flaming stick, falls into the oven that somebody had stuffed full of excess wood earlier and bursts into flames. The hobgoblin, already damaged from the explosion earlier, gets devoured by fleas and the stoker falls into a vat of spices and he goes. Oh no, cayenne, my one weakness.
Speaker 7Yes, my fleas, my fleas, so delicious.
Speaker 1My one weakness yes, mcflees, mcflees, so delicious all three combatants dispatched, four of you standing now in a room with the greatest birthday cake in the world two standing, one's intentionally on the ground and the other one's on the ground licking up chocolate. My mistake, Two of you standing now with the greatest birthday cake in the world, One attempting to drag the table while they lay on the ground and the other licking chocolate off the floor.
Speaker 2I would like to release the wheels, wheel locks make them turn.
Speaker 1You are down at the floor. Go ahead and give me three D6. A two, a three and a six Perfect. That extreme success is just what you need as you unlock the locks on this rolling table and the cake slides easily across the floor as you start dragging it towards the door. The four of you successful.
Speaker 4It only got me to the last big wheezy.
Speaker 1The four of you very carefully maneuver this cake out of the wizard's tower across the bridge. The clay golem's no longer a problem. You hear screams and anger and very upset partygoers in the wizard's tower being told that there is no birthday cake and you know in your hearts that you are the best goblins in the world.
Speaker 4What's your?
Speaker 3heart's longest.
Speaker 4I think it was the first fucking Skybreaker, yeah.
Speaker 1Logmorphs. Anyway, congratulations you guys. You did manage to heist. You managed to complete the great cake caper, you have stolen the greatest birthday cake in the world and you are taking it back to have the greatest birthday party a goblin has ever seen. We have been running a essentially a bastardized version of Goblin Quest. I got rid of a bunch of the rules that I didn't feel like dealing with and we've basically been running on D6s and whatever happens happened. This has been a lot of fun. What did you guys think?
Speaker 2I loved it. Also, mako and another one of my goblins, captain, are going to be making out on the ground at the entirety of the party, at the goblin birthday party.
Speaker 5It would be funny, as if we're rolling the cake out. It slides into the water and returns to the sea.
Speaker 2Let it return to the sea, as it always shall. Everything always shall.
TTRPG Fun and Future Quests
Speaker 1If that goblin lived it might have Anyway. So, yeah, this has been the Great Cake Caper. Thank you for listening. I had a lot of fun running it. Yeah, this has been great. It's always great fun to just get some absolute nonsense in the TTRPG world, you know. So thank you for listening.
Speaker 4Do you like most of my characters? Yeah, pretty much. Thank you for listening, do you?
Speaker 1like most of my characters.
Speaker 4Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 1So, yeah, that's all for now, but when we return next episode we will be back in Regate with the Time Breakers as they continue in their quest to change their past. You can come join us in the Discord Link is in the description and help build the city from the inside, and maybe you know if you liked this episode. Come, let us know and maybe we'll try and throw some more in there when special events come around. Now you can leave a rating, leave a review and tell us how you really feel don't forget to post that happy birthday happy birthday noel.
Speaker 4happy birthday, Happy birthday Noel.
Speaker 1Happy birthday.
Speaker 2Noel Happy birthday. Thank you, yay. Happy birthday, bye, bye.
Speaker 4Are we going to sing happy birthday, thank you.