Grieve. Grow. Glow. How to Move Forward After Loss (With Kimberli A. Gross)

What if grief wasn’t something you had to “get over”… but something you could grow through?

In this episode of Everybody Can’t Go Convos, I’m joined by Kimberli A Gross, creator of the Celebrate Still framework—Grieve. Grow. Glow.—a powerful, grief-informed approach to navigating loss, life transitions, and personal transformation.

We talk about what it really looks like to process grief, how to move forward without rushing your healing, and how to reconnect with purpose after everything has changed. Whether you’re dealing with personal loss or navigating a major life shift, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and a new way to see your journey.

In This Episode:

• Understanding grief as a continuous process—not a finish line
• Breaking down the Grieve. Grow. Glow. method
• Navigating identity shifts and life transitions
• Re-engaging with life after loss
• Finding purpose and meaning on the other side of grief

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

And we live again. This is another Not Happy Wednesday, not as in not happy Wednesday to you, but because this is another bonus interview exclusive content episode. For this bonus, I have with us today Kimberly A. Gross, who is a grief coach, a change advocate, and a transformation leader. I was able to share the stage with this lovely lady at the Women in Workforce Luncheon live in Baltimore. And she talked about a method that, of course, you know that this is a bonus p bonus content part of the series. When she said the words grief, grow and glow. My ears perked up. And I said, wait a minute. What are you talking about, girl? Y'all know that I bring to you guys the people that have helped me, the people who have been impactful for me. Y'all know I'm gonna be our guinea pig and I'm gonna try it out first. We have uh plenty to unpack today and plenty to talk about with Kimberly. Thank you so much for coming on and welcome.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

Thank you. Thank you for that great introduction. I'm gonna have to take you on the road with me so you can just make everybody think I am so awesome and amazing and like get there by in before I even start talking. But I'm honored to be here. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:27

Of course. And look, look, the folks are gonna know that I know and everybody on with us, whether you are listening or watching, you're about to find out. So we're gonna go ahead and jump straight into it. If you guys have been with us for the griefs and law series so far, you have heard from myself, you've heard from some other industry experts, and you know that I say coaches need coaches. I recommend that you guys get a licensed healthcare professional as well, because it's not just a one-size-fit-all, and you can't just come to the podcast to get what you need. But we're we're going to move forward with talking about reframing grief as a continuum, not just a moment. We talked about grief being a season, but we're um going to move more into the ongoing process and talking about what it looks like as you continue to rebuild, reframe, and quite possibly work through what grief looks like for you. Um, what for uh in in your coaching, when you are working with clients and taking them through their grief journey or helping them along their grief journey, what does it mean to approach grief as an ongoing process and not just like a season or moment in time to like get over?

SPEAKER_03 2:49

So great question. And that's one thing that I push. It is not a start-stop, right? And so often in our communities, that's how we view grief. Everybody shows up when you first hear about whomever passed away, right? And then you have the service, maybe a week later, and then you have the repass, and maybe a day or two afterwards, people are still around, but then life expects you to fall back into the normal rhythm. You're expected to go back to work, you're expected to resume your family duties, you're expected to just perform at the same capacity that you were before this disruption happened. And even before that, one thing that I do like to push is that when we're talking about grief, it is so much bigger than death. And we look at it through a lens of I can only grieve if somebody has passed away. But there are so many things that cause us to grieve, right? The death of a marriage, of course, the physical passing of a loved one, the loss of income, the loss of a job, relationship severing, um, children graduating, moving out the house. And so now you're an empty nester and you're grieving this little tiny baby that you once held, but now they're a whole adult out in this world making decisions. So grief is just so big. And because it, when you look at it through that lens, you realize that there's really no start and stop. And even from my own story, my mom passed 21. My oldest son graduated from high school two years ago, right? And so now he's in his second year of college. I had the biggest meltdown at his graduation. Not, I mean, partly because he was graduating, but because he would have been my mom's first grandchild to graduate. And so here we are 20 years later, and I'm still experiencing a first, right? And so when you think about grief and all of the things that we're going to experience, it comes in waves. And just because you're okay today doesn't mean you're gonna be okay tomorrow, or even because you're good this year, next year you may experience something. And so I really like to help clients work through what you're feeling in the moment and then help build tools to be prepared for whatever you're gonna feel in the next moment.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

I mean, you're working with clients, you have the celebrate still framework. How does that framework help people to stay engaged with life while they're grieving?

SPEAKER_03 5:31

So we have developed a framework, grieve, grow, glow. Grieve is where you acknowledge whatever that disruption is, whatever kind of loss you're facing, we acknowledge it and we put a name to it. We talk about what happened, right? What are the circumstances that led you here? And we start there because if you can't pinpoint it, if you can't put a name to it, if you can't identify it and call it out, it's hard to build tools to help you combat what it is you're feeling, how you're showing up in those spaces, how you're managing day-to-day. Um, and then ultimately you can't get to your glow era. And so we put a name to it, and it doesn't take away from any of the other things that you learn when you go to school to become a therapist or anything. There are so many stages of grief that you cycle through. But all of that happens in that grieve process. And so we really deal with that. We talk about where are you? How is this disruption really interrupting your life? Where is it causing you maybe to not show up and be your full self? Maybe it's causing you to take on more than really you have the capacity to do. Maybe it's causing you to spend more money because you're trying to ignore what it is that's happening over here or you're saying yes to some things. So we really try to get to the root of what it is you're feeling. And then once we do that, that's where the growth starts. And that's the stage that I really, really, really enjoy because that's where we're building your toolbox. What do you need to help expand your capacity to be that new person that you are? Because once that disruption happens, whatever it is that you lost, you're never gonna be that person again, right? I'm never gonna be the version of myself that existed before my mom passed away. I'm never gonna be her. I'm never gonna think like her. I'm never gonna operate how she would because I don't have that sounding board. And so this new version of me needs to know how to exist in life. So, what do I need? What do I need? Who do I need in my corner? What resources and tools do I need to be able to pull on to be able to function and find out even who this new version of me is? My mom passed when I was 21. So we were just getting into that. Okay, she might be one of my little friends. I might be one of her little friends. You know, we were kind of getting into that girlfriend kind of talk. Um, you know, mommy, I like this guy. And oh, but maybe he don't like me, or you know, whatever. We were just kind of having those real conversations when she got sick and ultimately, you know, passed away. And so I had to learn how to exist. I had to learn how to be a wife. I had to learn how to be a mother. I had to learn how to even figure out what it is that I want to do in life. And so that happens in that growth stage. And that's where we really spend one-on-one time with clients figuring out. We literally draw a map. Where we are today, where is it that we're trying to go? Where are we trying to go? And then how do we get there? What are the steps that we need? What do we need to say no to? What do we need to say yes to? What do I need to maybe spend a little more time developing? What are some things that maybe I need to put off of my plate for right now because I don't have the capacity? And then once we have those tools in our belt, that's when we get into the glow era. And that's where we're really operating at a level where we're putting those tools into practice, where this new version of you, you know how to move and how to navigate. And it doesn't mean by any, it does, it's it's in no way implying that you have it all figured out, but you know how to handle whatever is coming your way. So that's how grieve grow glow framework.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Love that. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 9:37

So I've uh talked with with our listeners a bit about becoming that new version of you. Like you said, life is going to be different after you experience grief and loss at varying degrees, and you will become a new person or an evolved version of yourself. Yes. Once you are willing to do that, that grow through the process. And it is what are some of the common misconceptions about that um that you've come in contact with about that growing after grief? Because it almost sounds like, well, why are you focusing on growth right now if you're supposed to be grieving? What are some of the common misconceptions about accepting that a part of that grief process it is growing?

SPEAKER_03 10:26

So one thing that I always share with clients is one of the best things that could have ever happened to me was my mom passing away. And it's almost like, what? And it, I mean, my mother was like that girl. Okay. She was, she was, if there was one person that God made perfect, it was her. But she was so good that I did not have to function on my own. So there were so many things that when she passed, I didn't realize I didn't know how to do. Simple things like balance a checkbook. I know millennials and what's what's next? Like Alpha Gen and Gen Z. I know y'all have no idea what a checkbook is. But we actually had to like write a check in order to get some money out of the bank. But I didn't, I didn't know how to, I didn't have a need to function without her. And so this version of me, this confidence that I have today, this um desire to thrive, this desire to pour into other people, this version of me would not exist had I not experienced that. So what I really, why I focused on grow is because we can't change what happened. We want to put those pieces back together again. And this is also the difference between coaching and therapy. And why by the time you get to me, you have to be ready. And sometimes after an intake, I may say, let's try therapy for a little bit, and so we'll come back and try coaching again. But this is the this is the real difference. So by the time you get to me, we're talking about what happened, but that's not where we're spending our time because we can't change it. We can't undo that rock being thrown in the water. The waves happened and now they're gone. But what we can do is be prepared for when that next rock comes, because another rock is gonna come. You know what I mean? Like another disruption is gonna happen, and it may not be death, but we're gonna go through life changes. And so, how do we be prepared for that? How are we prepared for that next storm? Because the first one, my mom passed away, that disrupted my whole entire life. That took me through so many ups and downs and twists and turns, and it was kind of hard to recover a little bit. But then by the time I got myself together and was able to function and went to therapy, went to try a couple different therapists because therapy isn't one size fit all. You got to find the person that you really vibe with. But by the time I did the work, I was able to stand on my own. And I did go through other things in life, but it didn't knock me to my core. It didn't disrupt the very essence of who I was. I wasn't like completely off balance. So that's why we spend so much time on grow because you're you can't live above disruption. You can't live above things happening to you, but you can be prepared. You can have a toolbox, just like if a tire comes off or if a screw is leased, and you go get your toolbox and you're like, okay, I need a screwdriver or whatever, the flathead one, I need that for this, or I need the Phillips, or I need a wrench. You know what to pull out to help you through that moment. And so that's why grow is so important. Grow is grow is where we really develop you into this new version of who you are.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

I really like that that you you gave insight and shed some light on why it's important to acknowledge both the loss and continuation. And I like the distinction that you made there that when you move to the the stage where you're ready for grief coaching, yes, that that's not something that you're able to just jump straight into it and it doesn't circumvent the need for grief counseling or to go to therapy or both. And that speaks to, I tell you guys all the time, that there is a space and a need for coaching, and there is a space and a need for a license mental health care advocate. Um, not advocate, but uh licensed mental health care professional. Yes, these things work together, not uh yes, you can use them separately, but when we're looking for the best results that we can get, when we're looking for building total wellness, overall healing, like the whole 360 all the way around, there's a space and there's a time for both. Exactly, exactly. And so I want you guys to um to hone in on that portion when I said don't rush the process. Being ready for grief coaching is not a process that's not a part, a part of the process that you can rush. So make sure that you feel those feelings. Make sure that if and when you need to, that you take the time to seek therapy and and to really dig and get into it, and then you'll be able to safely and successfully move into this grief coaching space.

SPEAKER_01 16:05

Yes. I had one client you just made me think of.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Um, if I can share this really quickly, one client, she I started working with her maybe like a year and a half ago. And the first couple sessions we had together, one session she actually got up and walked out. And she told me, she said, um, you know, you really hurt my feelings. And so I said, you know, that's fine. We let's sit and let's talk about it. And what she shared, she she shared how she felt about the session. And we came to the conclusion that she still needed to do some work. She still needed to unpack some of the feelings and resentment and anger that she had surrounding her situation. And so I do have some clinicians that I support. And so she went back to therapy, just therapy for a little bit. And then she came, ended up coming back to me, and she sent me a text message. I saw her out at an event, and she sent me a message and said and shared, uh, I know I'm not gonna find it right this second, but she shared with me how I did. Look at that. That was the Lord He wanted me to share. She said, I was truly happy to see you. It meant so much to see you in such a joyful setting. You walk with me through some very tender seasons, and being able to greet you while I was dressed up, smiling and enjoying myself was a full circle moment. Your support has made a real difference in my journey, and I'm grateful. And she shared some other things. But that just speaks to what you were saying about knowing if it's therapy or if it's coaching, because there is there is a big difference and when you work together, and it doesn't necessarily mean you have to do one before the other, but you do have to be ready to leave what you lost behind and focus on moving forward. And so that was just really, really impactful for me to see her and her to share that. So that just made me think of that when you were talking about the difference between the two.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

When you talk about leaving, leaving the past behind, when you say that, is that an area where you're truly like you packing it up and it's like I don't think about it anymore. How how does that fit in with honoring the past, but being ready and able to move forward from it? What what kind of what does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 18:44

So you never really great question.

SPEAKER_03 18:46

You never really leave it behind, per se, but we don't live there anymore. We don't we don't live there. We're not my mom passed away. I was going to the cemetery every day. Like every day. I was talking to her every single day. Like I wake up, I gotta go there. I couldn't go to bed unless I went to the cemetery. I had to make sure there were flowers on the grave. And in the beginning, that was okay. After a couple years, I noticed I was not moving forward in life because I was stuck going to the grave. And that part, that chapter of life is closed. And that's a hurtful reality to swallow. But you can't move forward if you're constantly in the past. And so what I had to learn, and now what I help clients learn, is you find a way to honor what you lost, honor that space, honor that time, honor that relationship, honor that season, but still moving forward in authenticity, authenticity, and being yourself. So for me, that looks like creating space for other people to come forward and own their journey, walk in healing. So I'm finding ways to honor my mother, um, honor that time. I've even created a scholarship at her alma mater. Um, she was a nurse when she when she passed away. She was a nurse at a nursing home here in Baltimore. And so I've created a scholarship for upcoming nursing students at her alma mater. So that honors her without me having to go to the grave. And it also allows me to walk forward in my purpose and my own calling. And so you can do both, but really, and that's where that growth stage comes in, because you have to find what brings you joy. What do you need to smile? What do you need to feel peace? What do you need to feel love? And then there's a way to honor the past, but still not losing who you are or not being stuck there, or feeling like you have to, you can't move forward unless you have the past with you.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

I really like that. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

And I like the acknowledgement that you just gave to um I find that when I'm speaking with people, sometimes people feel like they are stuck. Whether it's staying at the grave too long or stuck with a won't ever forget or be able to move past this. It is okay for you to be in that season. And the same way that I encourage you guys to not try to run away from the feelings or try to just push it down. There is a time during the grieving process where, like, like you said, Kim, you were going to the cemetery daily. But there was a there was a season for that. And being okay with not being okay and allowing yourself the time. So that when you are at that stage where you can't sleep right now. When you are at that stage where you're visiting the cemetery every day. When you're at that stage where you can't only go 24 to 48 hours without crying, that is fine. And this is why it's important with what Kim said about being ready for this type of grief coaching. It's not to usher you out of that time in your grieving process where you are still it is still fresh, it is still tender. So and I love that you shared the amount of time with it being a few years that you continue to go to the cemetery. Because even though the information that you guys are receiving throughout this grief series, it has been condensed into weeks. This is information that you'll need to refer back to over a journey that will take you quite possibly a span of years to experience the full cycle of what your journey will look like. So just because you're getting this information week to week and you're getting these bonus episodes, don't feel in a rush and don't think that you have to be the as the episodes are released, that that's how fast you're supposed to be moving. Absolutely not. This episode may be something that you're going to come back and listen to this next year. You may be ready to come back and listen to this episode for implementation in 2028. But the information will be here for you when you're ready. So I just want to make that abundantly clear. And um, and I thank you for giving the details of that explanation. Yeah. That there was a number of years that you stayed in a certain portion of your grief cycle. It was truly demonstrate that that truly demonstrates that, like, even though you were going through it, the the different stages and not rushing that process. And how do you feel like not rushing that process? Do you feel like that gave you more of that go-ahead and that green light so that you were like you were sure that you were sure that you were ready to move into honoring your mom's legacy in a different way?

SPEAKER_03 24:22

So it took, it definitely took, oh my God, it took time. It took time. Um, and I think looking back on it, and I mean, granted, I'm 21 years looking back, and so hindsight is always 2020. I didn't have the community that I needed, right? At that time. So that was my first real experience with death. That was my family's first experience with death. And I have a huge family. We're always together for like no reason. It's like, oh, today's Wednesday. Whose house are we going over? I was raised with my cousins as if we were siblings. So when my mom passed away, that was our first, like, whoa. You mean we're not invincible? So I didn't have, I didn't have the tools and the knowledge. It wasn't something that we talked about. You know, we won't talk about death in in black homes, black and brown homes. We don't have therapists on hand. Um, so I didn't know how to how to deal with what I was feeling. But then also looking back, I don't think my family knew how to deal with it either. And so you got one person that's suffering, surrounded by a community that's suffering, and nobody knows where to reach for help for whatever reason, lack of knowledge, pride, all the things. And so we all just were kind of going through the motions. So I think if at that time I would have had something like this, you know, it may not have taken years to come out of kind of that spiral that I was in. But then, devil's advocate, it was also necessary because now I'm able to speak to what being stuck feels like, but then also how to get unstuck, right? And so fast forward having those experiences what prompted me to be in this space. I think like six years ago, I was at a Mother's Day brunch with my best friend who was the keynote speaker. And she mentioned somewhere in her message that she didn't know how to support me when I would have an emotional moment about my mom not being here because her mom was also in the audience listening to her speak. And then I'm surrounded by other women, moms and daughters who were there. And I left that event and I sat in my car and I said, Lord, there has to be a space for people like me to still want to come together and celebrate Mother's Day, but in a community that understands that my mom is not here in the room. And so that's how this was birthed. Um, but then not only wanting to speak from lived experience, I went back to school and got my master's degree in counseling, but then I did a focus in crisis and trauma response just to specifically understand how our minds work when we face some type of disruption, what that response looks like, what we really feel when we get into that fight or flight mode, um, what it looks like to avoid trauma, what it looks like to, you know, run away and not want to deal with it, because you have some people who are in the same situation like me, where this is their first experience with whatever type of loss it is, and because you don't know how to handle it, some people just pack it away. And then they slowly over time become dysfunctional in some way. And then when they are ready, it's generally because like the dam has burst, and now they have all of these feelings just flowing, or so much anger just flowing out, or so much hurt or bitterness. It's like, man, where is this coming from? And then you realize that way back then you were hurt, something was taken, you lost something, and you were never properly supported. You know, you never got the tools that you needed to move forward, and you didn't even know that it was okay to feel sad about what you lost. And I think just telling people that that it's okay, it's okay to be sad about it. It's okay to feel sad, it's okay to want to cry, it's okay to sit in and mourn the relationship that you don't have anymore. And really, until you do that, you can't move forward in whatever direction you're gonna go. It doesn't mean you have to now become an advocate and a voice, but whatever it you are going to become, you gotta heal first. You gotta heal. And just letting people know that it's okay. It's okay to just sit, take all of those feelings, feel all of those feelings, feel all your feelings, good, happy, sad, crazy, angry. I was angry at my mom for a little while because she was a nurse. I'm like, how do you get and have cancer and you're a whole nurse? So I was angry with her for a little bit. So just feeling knowing that it's okay to really feel everything, and then just kind of sitting in that is so important. It's it's so important. So taking all of that, that whole journey, I even wrote a book that's just gonna be released in a couple weeks called The Journey. But you know what I'm saying? It's called The Journey from Grief to Grace. That beginning part was just so crucial in developing who I am today. It's um it's it's as I say it, it's worth every experience, the good, the bad, the ugly, is so important. And you have to take the time in the beginning, whatever that time looks like. Um, for me, it was going to the cemetery every day. But yeah, so that's how we got here. Long story short.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Yeah, no, that's uh that's all good stuff, all good stuff. And that leads me right into one of my next questions for you. Um, feel your feelings, feel them. It hurt, but you gotta feel the feels so that you can so that you can continue to grow, because packing them away in the name of growth and success, that's not success, and that's not how it works. I wish it was another way, but there isn't, you guys. So when um you are looking at all of these different changes and transitions that that come with these um major life transitions, whether we're talking about the loss of a person, loss of a job, or a career shift, identity changes, any relationship ending, any of the different things in life that can be um that can uh have you go through a grief process. How can people stay grounded while all of these different things are changing or while they're still at that tender stage of the grief process?

SPEAKER_03 31:33

How can you stay grounded? What a great, great question. I really, really can't stress the importance of community. When we are by ourselves and we're going through a hard time, there's a scripture that says an idle mind is the devil's playground. If we're by ourselves and we're going through a hard time, that's when depression kind of starts to kick in. And if you continue to stay by yourself, depression never lifts on its own. It never lifts on its own. And so alone, you just go deeper into this space, this dark hole. And then the deeper you go, the harder it is to come out. And so with depression comes, you know, a ton of other things. It causes us to pull on habits or develop habits that we may otherwise would not gravitate to or have proclivities for. And that could be drinking, that could be, you know, abusing substance abuse, that could be abusing people, you know, just even our own bodies, you know, yielding our bodies to people that we probably would never pay attention to or give ourselves to. Hanging out in dark spaces, it just causes a downward spiral. And so the importance of community is because now you have someone who can say, You okay? You know, and if the answer is no, that's fine too. I'm gonna sit here with you or let's go for a walk. Let's go get some ice cream. Listen, I'm always gonna push ice cream. Ice cream is medicine in my world. Ice cream and a good brownie is medicine in my world. But you need, okay, I saw your eyes go up. See? It's I'm telling you, ice cream and medicine, it works every, it works every time. It fixes everything. But I can't stress the importance of community because you need somebody who can one be ahead of where you are and know that I haven't talked to you today. You know, let me let me check on you, let me get you out of the house. And somebody that you can be transparent with to say, it's been a couple days. I don't have the energy to get into the shower. I haven't brushed my teeth, I haven't combed my hair, I haven't put on clean socks in a couple days. You know what I mean? And those seem like seemingly small things, but when you are battling trauma, when you're battling a disruption, when you're battling a loss, it's those little things that sometimes we need a push. And so if you're by yourself and you already don't have the energy or even the care to get up and take a shower, you're not gonna push yourself. You're not gonna say, all right, girl, it's been three days. Let's get up. You know, if it's been three days, chances are you're okay with it being four. But if I know, Jess is going through something. Let me check on her. I haven't talked to her today. She hasn't sent me a reel. She hasn't liked the post. I haven't seen her on social media, or she hasn't texted me. Let me, I'm coming to knock on your door. Hey girl, what's going on? All right, let's. If today is tough, cool. Not taking a shower isn't gonna make it easier, but it is gonna start to help you feel better. So let's do that. Let's do that. So, how can you stay grounded? You need community, you need somebody that you can that's gonna check in on you, but also that you feel safe enough to be honest with. You have to be honest with whomever your person is, and so finding that person, finding um a group that you can identify with, you know, that shares in that same loss because your feelings are going to be similar. They may not be identical, but it's different sitting in a group where everybody has lost their job versus everybody has lost a son. Those feelings are different. And so finding a space where you can be transparent and be vulnerable also helps to internalize, I mean, what you're feeling internally, because now you can see that what I'm feeling, okay, it is it is pretty normal. I don't, I'm not crazy. Okay, let me, I can breathe, I can start, and I can see that other people have experienced this and they're functioning. And so that just that little bit of shift, knowing that you're not alone, sometimes is just the kickstart we need to get up and start to help get our wheels turning again. Group and ice cream and a good brownie. We're not gonna forget the ice cream and the brownie.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

That that community aspect of it, it is um, it does definitely does help with um the sparking at least that little bit of eventually I can get through this thing. It's always the the most difficult at the beginning. That doesn't mean that the the feelings of sadness completely leave. That doesn't mean that you're going to forget what happened, but you learn to live around it. And it's not a um, it's it's not a one-size-fit-all, and it's not a quick fix. So having people around you to remind you that uh this is something that you have to commit to and and be dedicated to it over time. Just just one saying green every day. That's it. So when you are going through this process and you have your community to support you, and with that, this is why I tell you guys all the time make sure that you are around. Y'all know the name of the pie, you know everybody can't go. And this is yet another reason why. When you, if you haven't yet, it's not if, it's when you experience a season of grief. That community around you needs to have wise counsel within it. If you just hanging around with the five fools and you the sixth one, this is one of those crucial times and seasons within life where who you hang around matters.

SPEAKER_02 38:03

It matters you matters. Yes. It definitely does.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

So for for you, Kim, when you're looking at at the people who are like professionals, leaders, high-functioning individuals, entrepreneurs, anyone who's in a leadership role.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

A stay-at-home mom. Because that is a leadership role. That is a leadership role. She is a CEO. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Like, look, there are many different ways and aspects that when you are looking at grief and being in a role of leadership, we got to do the leadership roles across the board. And when you are looking at the space of navigating grief, what what suggestions would you have for leaders to still be able to show up authentically without doing that? I'm just gonna cram my feelings down, to worry about everybody else. I'm not gonna put my own mask on first. Just what suggestions would you have? And what are some of the things that you would encourage leaders to do as they are navigating grief so that they can still show up authentically, still, you know, sometimes you don't have the option to give up that leadership role.

SPEAKER_03 39:24

This past administration, um, so one thing that I do, I'll back up, is workshops for businesses, companies, organizations, whomever, because shifts happen. And especially with this past um or current administration, so many people have been disrupted in the workspace. And so I just did a workshop for an organization who lost their CEO, right? And he's no longer with the company. And so I went in and I had they wanted to do a one-size fit-all, and I had to explain to them it's separate. You have two different groups of people who are grieving the loss of one person, but he was something different to those different people. You have your leaders, and then you have the workers that are there, and they had a different relationship with the CEO than the leaders did. And so that's first, um, really making sure, identifying what the shift is, whether it's a structural change within the organization or, you know, whatever. But first, same thing, you know, grieve it. Let's identify what is the shift. So in this particular company, the shift is they were getting getting, they lost their CEO who had been there for I think 17 years, and they were also in the process of bringing in a new person. And so I met with the leaders to one tell them, help them navigate, really honoring the leadership that they had, figuring out what things really held value to them, and then understanding that with new leadership does mean, you know, a whole new vision for the company. But finding ways to hold those values and bring them in, you know, of course, at the right time, but being able to hold some of those values and implement them in ongoing ways in the way that they lead. So maybe it's not the same policy per se, or it's not the same directive, but those subtle things, maybe you learn to lead with a smile. Maybe you learned small things like starting your meetings with icebreakers was one thing that they all seem to really enjoy. So you can take things that you find value in and start to incorporate it into your own leadership style without trying to hold on, again, holding on to the past, not being able to move forward into the future, but holding on to those things that you find value in and letting that feed down into your team. And so that way everybody knows that we're not forgetting about what was, but we're still honoring what we had, but then realizing that we have a new future with which which new leadership brings in. So you have a fresh perspective, and it also allows you to be open to new possibilities and new beginnings with new leaders. And so, with that, finding space to honor and still implement and still lead, but being true to your mission and being true to your people. So making sure that you're giving your people space to express their feelings. It doesn't mean that anything is going to change, it doesn't mean that you're not gonna make decisions that are in the best interest of the company, but it allows your people to feel human and to feel as a valuable part of the company. So sometimes people just need space to know that we're not ignoring the fact that Jim is no longer here and we all love Jim. We all know have known Jim for you know however long. But we just want a space to feel human and feel regular and share some funny stories. And often, more often than not, if you give people space to be human, to be seen, to be heard, and to feel like they are valuable and do that genuinely, nine times out of ten, whatever you're bringing next will be well received.

SPEAKER_00 43:53

And before we close, in in the sense of being a leader in the home, what does that look like? Look like to still show up authentically when as the leader, you need the you baby.

SPEAKER_03 44:07

How much time do we have? Okay, because I was a single mom for quite a few years. And single mom unfortunately wasn't able to be a stay-at-home mom, so that was single and operating in corporate America, and then still trying to be an entrepreneur. My first, first, first and foremost piece of advice is take care of yourself. Find something that you enjoy that is just for you. For me, it was getting my nails done. That was a non-negotiable, it's gonna come out the budget, it's on the calendar. That is what brought me peace and joy, and that was my zen. Find things to take care of yourself, find ways and find time to operate outside of the house so that you can establish and maintain your identity. So often we get lost into the identity of the people that we care for. So we become the kid's mom, we become Brandon's wife, we become, you know what I mean? And we're no longer like ourselves. And so it is so important, so important to maintain your identity, to know who you are, to know what you like to do and do those things in the same way you make everybody else in the home a priority. Baby, you are your first priority. Secure your own mask first. So if that means going, I used to go to Wendy's and sit in the car and eat a kid's meal. And that was my piece. Okay? That was my piece. So if that's what that means for you, secure your own mask first. That is that is first and foremost, find ways to maintain your identity. If you used to like to write, or if you used to like to draw or paint or whatever it is that made you you beyond the people that you care for. Hold on to those things and really invest in yourself.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

So important. There you have it.

SPEAKER_00 46:16

Ways to put your own mask on first, very, very important, so that you're able to maintain, continue to feel your feels so that you're able to put a bit of a period after that grieve stage. You'll be able to move into that growth stage so that eventually you can end up getting back.

SPEAKER_01 46:43

And and Kim, I thank you so much for coming on with us today.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

Where can the people find you?

SPEAKER_03 46:49

So I am not hard to find. I am all over social media, Instagram, TikTok, and it's not Twitter anymore. It's X. You can follow me at hey.40, actually spelled out H E Y dot F O R T Y, or at celebrate still on all of those platforms. We do have an event that is coming up, our annual Mother's Day brunch, which is Saturday, May the 9th. Tickets or buy one, get one woke too for one. Um so you don't have to come by yourself. You can bring a buddy. It is open for men and women, and we're trying to expand our audience and get the men in there because we gotta do a part two because we gotta talk about men and their feelings and how grief really affects men, but they feel like they gotta be macho and we teach our little boys to like tough it up. But let these boys feel their feelings. It does not mean they're gonna be soft or whatever. They need to know how to be functioning and how to be emotionally intelligent. But that's another topic for another day. Anyway, our annual report.

SPEAKER_00 47:53

We will be back with that in May.

SPEAKER_03 47:56

Saturday, May 9th. Um, doors open at 11. I would love for you to come and be a guest. We have some great panelists. Um, and it's a really good time. We get to dance in, we have vendors, the food is amazing. We have a huge catered buffet, a huge dessert bar.

SPEAKER_01 48:15

It's a good time. It's a good time. So you have to be there.

SPEAKER_00 48:20

So, you guys, you heard it. Make sure that if you were in the Baltimore area or if you were able to make your way up to Baltimore, go ahead, click the link below so that you can access your tickets or gift a set of tickets to someone else. Yeah. And again, Kim, thank you so much for taking time out for this episode. We will definitely see you again because we have many more things to talk about around here in these everybody can go convo party. And um, we thank you guys for tuning in for this bonus interview episode during our grief and loss series. And we will see you guys on the next pod.