Dismissed True Stories
Dismissed True Stories is a survivor-led podcast that dares to break the silence around domestic violence, emotional abuse, and toxic relationships. Each episode shares the raw, unfiltered realities of what abuse really looks like. From overlooked red flags to moments of escape, and everything in between.
Created by a survivor-turned-advocate with a broadcasting background, DTS is where stories once silenced are now spoken. Loudly, honestly, and without apology. We’re not here to sensationalize abuse; we’re here to humanize survivors.
You’ll hear from survivors finding their voices, families forever changed by loss, and organizations working to support healing and recovery. Sometimes, it’s one survivor passing the mic to another with a piece of advice that could change or.. save a life.
But DTS isn’t just about telling stories of survival. Each episode's commentary helps you decode your own story, make sense of your experiences, and see the patterns you might have missed while in survival mode.
The tone? Like talking with a trusted friend. No fluff. Just truth.
Whether you're navigating narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, or coercive control or you're in the process of rebuilding your self-worth and healing your trauma this space is for you.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is finally tell your own story.
Survivor-led. Heart-led. Truth-led.
#DismissedTrueStories | A podcast for survivors and victims, by survivors.
Dismissed True Stories
Loving myself 1 percent more: Savannahs Story
What happens when the weight of addiction and grief collide? In this emotionally charged episode of Dismissed True Stories, we explore the raw and powerful journeys of abuse and trauma survivors. Host Elissa, draws from her own experience, setting the stage for an intimate and heartfelt conversation with Savannah, a survivor whose life has been marked by profound loss and resilience. Together, they delve into the societal neglect that compounds trauma, emphasizing the crucial role of empathy in supporting those who are grieving.
Savannah bravely opens up about her harrowing experiences, from being held captive and enduring severe abuse to the chaotic normalization of violence in her life. Her story is a testament to the terrifying realities many survivors face daily. Despite these unimaginable ordeals, Savannah's path towards healing and resilience shines through, offering hope and inspiration. This episode reveals the complex nature of trauma and the persistent challenges that linger even after escaping abusive circumstances, underscoring the incredible strength it takes to rebuild one's life.
The journey to healing is slow and arduous, but it's also transformative. Elissa and Savannah discuss the pivotal moments that led to Savannah's decision to leave her abusive relationship, highlighting the indispensable support of friends and the long battle with emotional trauma. This episode is a call to action for listeners to support survivors by sharing their stories and fostering a community of empathy and understanding. Join us in recognizing the power of shared experiences and the slow yet vital process of self-love and recovery. Your presence and support make a world of difference.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 OR text begin to 88788
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Come join our community of survivors who are looking to meet someone just like you! See the behind the scenes work that goes into the sisterhood non-profit business, discuss DTS episodes, and of course find your survivor sister.
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This episode of Dismissed True Stories is brought to you by Persephoneai. Persephoneai is an innovative and disruptive discreet app where you can more securely stash your evidence of abuse, make static notes, upload attachments, import audio-video files and even request transcription and language translation. Transcription and language translation. Then export your full evidence, report on your timeline, sos the police or even use it in court after your safe exit. You are not alone, and Persephone is here when you don't know who to tell. Find Persephoneai on Google Play or the App Store. In this episode, we will be hearing directly from a survivor as they recount their personal journey. Dismissed True Stories recognizes that discussion of abuse and trauma can evoke strong emotional responses and it may be triggering for some listeners. Listener, discretion is advised. Hey, I'm Elissa and this is Dismiss True Stories the podcast.
Speaker 1:This podcast was born from the idea that when I was a little girl, I wanted to be a war reporter in the sense that I just really wanted to talk about the things that matter in the world. And when I ended up walking away from my professional broadcasting career and into an abusive relationship, I realized that victims and survivors really do fight their own wars at home. I volunteer with a local domestic violence shelter in my city and as I was putting on a vigil for the lives lost to domestic violence last year, I stumbled upon a story that will forever stick with me. I did the research to find this victim's family, since she is no longer with us, and one sentence kept rattling around in my brain Let them tell their story. And while I haven't worked up the confidence to get in touch with her family just yet, I want this podcast to not only be about the survivors who lived and escaped, but the stories from the family members of victims who, unfortunately, are no longer with us.
Speaker 1:I sat on this idea for almost a year before I decided to randomly make a TikTok video asking for survivors to come forward and share their stories of survivorship, and what happened next was completely and totally unexpected. Women came forward sending me their stories of survival, telling me that they were so sick and tired of being quiet, because what happens so often is that survivors are silenced, people aren't ready or equipped to handle their truth or sometimes simply they just don't want to make the time. But now on, dismissed True Stories. We're making the time. Welcome back to Dismissed True Stories. We're making the time. Welcome back to Dismissed True Stories. I'm your host, elissa, and I do feel that this episode needs an additional trigger warning. We will be talking about the death of a child and my mom originally struggled with.
Speaker 2:It was a xanax um, but that ultimately was because she was on anxiety medicine because my sister died. It wasn't necessarily like that was her thing, it was more of the addiction. Hand in hand went in, with not the proper protocols, but instead of treating the trauma and anyone ever saying it wasn't her fault and genuinely doing so, she did the best she could. I don't know how she did it. I look at her every day and I don't know how she even is standing there. It was ultimately that lack of support in society. Just let her fall through the cracks and then you're labeled an addict instead of somebody who's grieving.
Speaker 1:I love having conversations with other survivors because it's so healing for the both of us. There are many times when we can tell our story to someone who has never been in an abusive relationship and the terrified looks on their faces when we tell them what has happened to us is enough to make us just kind of revert, tuck our tail in between our legs, go back inside of our shell and never want to share the things that we've been through ever again. But talking with another survivor and telling them some of the worst things that you've been through, they don't bat an eye. They'll sit next to you and nod and snap their fingers and be like, yes, girl, I totally get it and I relate and the best part is is that they don't judge you. I relate and the best part is is that they don't judge you. I want this episode to be like that warm hug that you feel when you finally find a survivor that you connect with.
Speaker 1:Savannah and I interviewed two times for this episode and we just never stopped talking after the first interview. I call Savannah a friend, so let's get into it. A conversation with my friend and fellow survivor, savannah.
Speaker 2:Because it is. It's a disease, it's a struggle, it's, but she didn't know she was going to be an addict when she did it. She just wanted to stop crying and my uh, we were born at 28 weeks, so it was really really high risk, especially 30 years ago, and she just unknown hemorrhage. Hemorrhage of unknown origin is the only thing. I've gotten the story a few times, as you know, and I'm sure if I asked her she would just repeat that exact phrase. So, as far as what happened, that's on the death certificate, I don't know necessarily what, I don't know more or less it's. She was born sick and was seemed to be okay, but at that point I don't know if it was somebody, didn't have the technology or whatever it was but she my mom was changing her diaper and she started bleeding from her mouth I'm not sure and got care flighted to Children's in Dallas and got care flighted to Children's in Dallas and my mom had to stay with me, because you can't only put one person in a care flight and she was at that point. My parents were no longer together, so she had to follow the care flight and her vehicle behind me.
Speaker 2:And I can't imagine, I can't, and what's even worse, seeing the lack of empathy she ever would have gotten Like how could anybody have not told her it wasn't her fault? How could anybody have let in her? How could you call her an addict after that? It's just, it's not that she's not, it's that it's not all she ever was. It's so hard when the world fails good people and for so long, and they never say anything or speak up and they never even realize it's not their fault, but hurt people, hurt people. And it's not that she was hurt by somebody, she was just hurt by life. And that's kind of where it started this conversation highlights a very common theme.
Speaker 1:I see in the stories that you send me how your childhood can cause you to walk into an abusive relationship later on in life.
Speaker 2:I don't think really she was consistently living with me at all beyond the age 13, maybe 14. It was a very from afar type of parenting situation at that point and I wasn't able to have healthy relationships modeled to me. I wasn't, honestly, not necessarily super sure of the wrong kind of relationships at that point, but I wasn't sure what the right one looked like. I wasn't sure or taught how to love yourself first or how to have grace with yourself or how to not let people treat you poorly. And so when I started dating my abuser at 15, I just kind of fell straight into a very, very toxic family dynamic.
Speaker 2:And then I got pregnant at 16 and I left as a junior in high school and moved out of my dad's house, out of my window in the middle of the night my stepdad's because I was scared that I would disappoint him. And as an adult, looking back and knowing that as a child, like an actual child, my biggest fear was disappointing somebody and I literally lived in my car versus wanting to disappoint somebody. It just really shows me how unsafe and unstructured and how conditional love was. When did you start living together? Right like a month before my daughter was born, so when I was 17.
Speaker 1:Did you have anybody there for you during your pregnancy? No, just.
Speaker 2:I did it alone. Well, I did it with him, but ultimately no, my mom was in a halfway house um in Mississippi, eight hours away, and, and anybody that I did have he turned away within a couple of years. Within two years was the first time he hit me. I was so taken back by it, like it did not register as abuse. It was more of like a like a cat fight, like you would fight somebody in high school is how it felt internally to me.
Speaker 2:It wasn't something that I saw as partner violence or abuse at that point and it was what I thought was going to be a one-off thing. And I went and let his grandparents know we were having issues at the time and was told that unless there was a bruise or a mark, the police wouldn't believe me. And I was explaining to them that I wasn't calling the police. I was just really, really concerned about what was going on. I thought he was struggling with some mental health issues or some other things were going on the lack of actual abuse knowledge and the lack of especially emotional and mental abuse knowledge that I had. I knew you didn't. Obviously you don't hit your partner. You're not supposed to be fist fighting your spouse, but it just didn't click that I was being battered. It's crazy how your brain just gets so used to absolute hell and doesn't know any different.
Speaker 1:It's crazy how your brain just gets used to absolute hell and just doesn't know any different. Brain just gets used to absolute hell and just doesn't know any different. That is because we are so used to living in absolute chaos, and I think that's one of the answers to the question of why did she stay. You just get used to living in absolute chaos and that's your everyday normal absolute chaos and that's your everyday normal. Which brings me to what I want to talk about in this episode today.
Speaker 1:Savannah and I have both been diagnosed with CPTSD, which stands for chronic or complex post-traumatic stress disorder. This basically just means that we have been through many traumatic events that we did not process in the time that it happened or soon after. We have a bunch of unresolved trauma living in our body and a lot of the times, at least for me, it comes back in panic attacks, flashbacks and seizures, in panic attacks, flashbacks and seizures. So when it comes to this conversation, it's just about a lot of the things that happened to her. There's not really a timeline or a sequence of events, it's just these are the things that happened to me and they fucking suck and I'm still healing from them, which is completely normal and it made me kind of reflect on well, why haven't I necessarily told my story all the way?
Speaker 1:I've told bits and pieces but, to be honest with you, I don't think I could tell my story in chronological order. There are so many blank spaces in my memory that I just don't remember, or I have completely repressed, and some of the most terrifying moments I only remember because I've seen them in flashbacks. And somehow I feel like, even though CPTSD can be quite paralyzing for everyday life, I think that sometimes I'm the lucky one because I don't have to remember all of those traumatic events. Like a survivor who can tell their story in a chronological timeline, let's say Anyway, let's get to it. And let me just give another trigger warning, because what Savannah has been through is just absolutely heartbreaking.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's been six years and I realized, and was pointed out to me this year, that it's not even necessarily dates of traumas that you're registering, that I or I register as that it's my body, literally. I just don't function from about January until the end of March, april, sometimes May, every single year, no matter what's happening, no matter what's done I those months I'm a different human.
Speaker 1:Okay, and what is your body remembering?
Speaker 2:Okay, and what is your body remembering? Between January I'm sorry, december of 2016 through March of 2017 was the volcano when it finally erupted. I was pretty much held captive from October till then, and so right about January to March is when it zeroed down and just every single day was fighting for my life.
Speaker 1:Okay, this part can be a little confusing, but when this takes place, savannah had already left her abuser and entered another relationship, so she was dating another guy and co-parenting with her abuser. Let's say quote unquote co-parenting, because we all know that that really doesn't happen. However, he had asked her to ride to the emergency room with their daughter that they shared together, and then after this is when all of these events took place- my.
Speaker 2:So me and my abuser had split up and I was dating the longtime term partner I had after that relationship and my daughter that I share with my abuser was not feeling well and we were what seemed to be co-parenting okay on the outside no, given it only been a couple of months, it's not like it was. He asked me to come sit with her or go ride to the emergency room with her, something that I didn't clock as being potentially dangerous.
Speaker 1:So after this interview I call Savannah and I say, hey, let's clear up a few things. She said that after she took her daughter to the emergency room with her abuser, she ends up back at her abuser's house. He then decides to start slipping her Tylenol PMs in her drink and keeps her completely knocked out for a long period about three months. She's super groggy, just sleeps all the time, completely delirious and doesn't really know what's going on. Know what's going on. Her partner at the time hadn't been able to get a hold of her and by the time she comes out of this coma, almost he's long gone and she's stuck with her abuser In mid-March, dating all the way back to right before Halloween, was how long I was stuck with him, like in a hostage situation more or less.
Speaker 2:I did have a friend that didn't leave my side so that I wasn't alone and I could get messages to the outside world. I mean, there was active conversations about him throwing me downstairs, about him almost rendering me unconscious, him hitting me so hard in the head that he was getting up and making sure I was breathing. When I went to sleep, hell, he pushed me out of a moving pickup truck going at least 15 miles an hour, maybe 20 in the pouring rain. Out of the car down a ditch, came back, got out of the car, told me to get in the driver's seat and he was going to walk home. What? But it's almost so outlandish that my brain like never really even computed it. Like you threw me out of the car and then you come back to get me and you get out and then called somebody to come get him. So he beat me home. Still, his favorite was to if I left, he was going to kill himself in front of the kids, in front of whoever.
Speaker 2:However, after a couple of months of just trying to deal with it. It was only getting worse. It was being woken up by being used as a punching bag and he worked nights. So it would be randomly when he came home or I would get things thrown at me or hit for not waking him up the right way. Hell, my best friend reminded me the other day that I got hit over french fries in a McDonald's parking lot and because I didn't order pizza correctly one day, I ordered it through the app and I was supposed to call. Someone tried to unalive me so frequently that I didn't understand that's what it was and I got drowned. It wasn't even a kind of not recognizing it situation. I was so confused by the role models in life I genuinely thought that's how life was.
Speaker 1:She just skips over the part where she says I was drowned and I let her go because it felt like this conversation was just so healing for her to just go and to get it all out. So afterwards I sent her a message, I'm watering my plants and I'm like I can't believe she just skipped over that. But then again, like I can, because if chaos is normal, then when you're explaining it to somebody else it's just like meh, it's just that thing that happened. So I was like hey, can you break this down for me, like what exactly happened? And here is the audio message that she sends me back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he for sure tried to drown me, actually in the bathtub while my son was bathing when I was seven months pregnant and and that I mean and I have no problem talking about it I'm completely honestly desensitized to all of the violent stuff he did. It really truly doesn't get to me anymore. The hard stuff I'm totally fine talking about Honestly, the hard stuff I'm totally fine talking about honestly, it's the emotional aspects that I have problems with. But he tried to stab me with screwdrivers. He stabbed me with my keys. He uh threw multiple pieces of furniture, like huge pieces of furniture, like chester drawers, bookshelves. Um, he tried to jump out of a tree and break his neck to kill himself. He was going to hang himself but he didn't have a rope.
Speaker 2:Uh, he talked the cops out of taking him for a 72 hour psych hold when he was threatening to kill himself online and convinced the cops that I was the one doing it, even though they found him with a box cutter in his hand. He convinced them I was crazy and they left me with him. Um, he tried to tell me he was going to jump off of a children's hospital in dallas, all kinds of stuff. That's why when you and I first kind of connected. I was asking so much about, like, what stories to tell because I have crazy, on, crazy, on crazy stories. I, like my best friend, has watched him pull me off of a 12-foot fence and kick me in the face with a steel-toed boot. He threatened her life. She tried to call the police and pretend she wasn't bringing a pizza. At one point tried to catch our house on fire with a grill because I went to Walmart. All kinds of shit. All kinds of shit.
Speaker 1:Okay, I feel like, as a survivor, an a podcaster, a journalist, I should have something to say about this situation, but, honestly, the only thing that is coming to mind is what the actual fuck? How?
Speaker 2:long were you guys together? 10 years. The last couple were on and off, so what?
Speaker 1:was the point in your relationship where you're like I can't do this anymore.
Speaker 2:Ultimately, having to respect and love myself just more, not more than him, not more than anything, just more than I did. And it was when somebody looked at me and asked me what I would tell a child in my same situation, what would I give them for advice, and when I knew that that advice was not to stay, I didn't have a choice. It was at that point how do I get out? And that was a well-organized couple of months of planning and trying to figure out, because it was every time I got out somehow I got sucked back in.
Speaker 1:Who was this person that finally said the thing that made things click for you?
Speaker 2:It was my best friend. She pulled me aside and told me my daughter was reading to her and just asked a very nonchalant why do daddies hit mommies or make them cry? And I just want my mommy to be away from it and okay, and that's kind of. I knew in that moment that that was the only thing that somebody could have said to open my eyes and it did.
Speaker 1:I just want to touch on that for a second, because I think that that is so important when you finally have somebody that isn't afraid to say something about that other person, that isn't afraid to call things what they are and to even kind of call you out, because that happened to me too. I had a friend who had witnessed something and she looked me dead in my eyes and said, girl, you got to go. And that was what it took for me, because it was like, wow, somebody finally sees and somebody is finally acknowledging this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she um, goodness that that girl went through hell for me. Um, she ended up moving in with me and pretending that she didn't have anywhere to go so that he let her stay, where she didn't leave my side. Um, she has had dressers thrown at her. She had a bookshelf thrown at her. He threatened her life numerous times. She saw things that she should have never, ever seen, but she did not leave. She sat there every day until she was there the moment I got out too, and still is today. But it was one of those things where one person can make such a difference, whether they know it or not. And it's not that they did anything specific, it's not that they did anything, not even advice. It's just being there. It's being there and not being alone.
Speaker 1:What about your healing part? How about finding your person moving on? How has that looked for you?
Speaker 2:Hard A hell of a lot harder than leaving was, honestly, and something I wish I would have known, but I would do it again over and over and over, in a heartbeat, because life is hard and it's supposed to be, but it's supposed to be ups and downs and happy times. And when I finally could even learn that an emotion was something that had a beginning and an end doom, feeling defeated, being sad, being angry you're allowed to feel all of them. I did not understand that and I'm still working on it. But feelings have a beginning and an end, meaning you're going to move through it and you're still going to be okay. Um, I've.
Speaker 2:It took a long time. It took a long time for me to even be able to completely think straight without just breaking down. Um, but every single day I wasn't waking up to somebody looking me in the eyes and telling me that they loved me, and then them trying to end my life. I wasn't fighting actively against anyone anymore.
Speaker 2:I think that finding strength is finding your will to live again and not just be alive but to actually live, and learning what that looks like and realizing that life is supposed to be a fun thing. You're supposed to enjoy it. It's not. I mean, I think ultimately I felt like I was showing up every day and just doing a part or playing a role, but when you're actually okay to just not be okay, it's when you finally realize it's going to be okay. When someone loves you for you is one thing, but when you start loving yourself for you and you really, really, really do, it's a whole nother feeling. Healing is hard, healing is slow, it is a process. We're healing, we're not healed, but it's worth it. It's worth it, it is, it is even on the hard days. I think it's so hard for people that have never experienced it to even. I mean, I, I there's no way you can comprehend like the amount of mind games that your own brain plays on you for so long.
Speaker 1:Yes, the other day I was just telling Victor. I was like, um, there's like I was just telling Victor. I was like, um, there's like nothing has happened today to me, but I'm not okay, like I feel like there's something sitting on my chest, there's something stuck in my throat. I feel like I want to cry.
Speaker 2:I don't know why the amount of times I'm just like I don't know my nervous system's on fire. I know nothing is wrong, but I can't make it stop yeah.
Speaker 1:That's yeah, that's what I was telling Victor. I was like I don't know, I don't feel safe. I know that I'm safe, but I don't feel safe.
Speaker 2:I. I texted my boyfriend the other day and I was like I'm in the dining room floor laying down Um, I'm having chest pains, I'm not having a heart attack, um, I'm just scared. And I'm not scared that something's wrong, I'm just scaring myself. And he was like what is going on? And I was like I just needed to let you know where I was in case you came inside and didn't see me. I'm like, I'm okay, I think, but my brain is telling me I'm not. No, because, like, why does it just show up randomly?
Speaker 2:One of the therapists at the domestic violence center I did do counseling at was explaining it to me in a way that your nervous system is so activated for so long that it goes through this process of like Ooh, that was not okay. My nervous system's activated and then it stays activated, stays activated, stays activated. So then it deactivates and you go numb. So when you start finally being okay and your body's coming out of fight or flight, you have to feel all of the ouchies that you numbed out. And until you feel them and feel through them, they don't go anywhere. So it's it's ultimately your body unfreezing or thawing out and having to deal with all of the things that you didn't, which is not fun because you're starting to be okay.
Speaker 2:The more okay you get, the more triggers you're going to get, because you're reactivating what your body did to make itself survive. When you have especially complex trauma, your brain chemically alters itself, ultimately to not hurt and feel excruciating pain all the time. So then when it's able to start shifting back, it feels like excruciating pain because you're starting to feel all those things and you have to work through them the same way, like for the longest time. I thought you were just avoiding triggers was what to do, but you have to trigger a trigger to heal it, especially with CPTSD, because CPTSD only has to do with the relationships with other people. So, no matter what, you can't heal it completely by yourself. It's, it has to be, it doesn't have to be one person.
Speaker 1:Like when Victor and I I mean first year that Victor and I were together was bliss because we didn't live together. But once we moved in together, oh my gosh, was I triggered by everything, to the point where, like sometimes, I would sit in my closet and cry because I didn't want him to know that I was triggered, cause I'm like I'm triggered all the time Like this is embarrassing.
Speaker 2:Yes, so you sat in the closet too. I sit in the closets or like under cabinets or count under counters. I'm under my counter for no reason, Like my desk. I have my corner, but it's like I like small, confined spaces.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you're just used to making yourself so small.
Speaker 2:I think so, and I think that the smaller the radius, the safer.
Speaker 1:I can keep it Savannah and I get sidetracked in this conversation about all of the things that we have in common when it comes to our healing journeys and the things that we did in abusive relationships to just survive and get by. I am completely unashamed to repeat myself, but healing absolutely happens in community. You can hear how excited we are to be validated and seen and heard and understood and just in like company. I truly hope that you are able to find your survivor sister and to have conversations like her and I have multiple times, probably a week. It's truly healing, there is nothing else like it. It's truly healing, there is nothing else like it. So if you could give any advice to a victim or a survivor who may resonate with your story, what would it be?
Speaker 2:You're not crazy, you're not weak, you're not less than Most of the time they sought you out and they picked you because you were that good of a person.
Speaker 1:It wasn't your fault and you're worth fighting for. Hey, I'm Alyssa, the host of Dismissed True Stories, and if you like what you heard today, give me a five-star rating and hit that notification bell, because I do upload every Friday. If you are a survivor or you know someone who this podcast episode may resonate with, I ask that you share this with them. There is nothing quite like helping a survivor or a victim of abuse feel seen and heard and validated. It is extremely healing and helpful to the journey and the process after abuse. If you are a survivor and you're ready to share your truth, please follow me on my socials. I've included them in the footer of this episode. Send me your story, the Cliff Notes version, and I will get back with you. And, as always, thank you so much for being here. The world is truly a better place because you are in it.
Speaker 2:Your life played out the way it did and you're the amazing person you are and you're as strong as you are and were put where you were To help people that maybe don't have that strength, that were beaten down too far. You were put in the right, exact place To function at a level Not only to survive but to thrive and help other people thrive, and that is something not even a handful full of people in life can say. You're doing incredible and you're right. It's messy and it sucks and it's not fun. When you told me yesterday to send you my favorite part of healing, it took me forever to find a favorite part, because I don't like it. Healing fucking hurts, but you're doing not amazing for life. You're not doing amazing for surviving Alyssa. You're there, you're successful, you made it out, you're okay.
