Dismissed True Stories
Dismissed True Stories is a survivor-led podcast that dares to break the silence around domestic violence, emotional abuse, and toxic relationships. Each episode shares the raw, unfiltered realities of what abuse really looks like. From overlooked red flags to moments of escape, and everything in between.
Created by a survivor-turned-advocate with a broadcasting background, DTS is where stories once silenced are now spoken. Loudly, honestly, and without apology. We’re not here to sensationalize abuse; we’re here to humanize survivors.
You’ll hear from survivors finding their voices, families forever changed by loss, and organizations working to support healing and recovery. Sometimes, it’s one survivor passing the mic to another with a piece of advice that could change or.. save a life.
But DTS isn’t just about telling stories of survival. Each episode's commentary helps you decode your own story, make sense of your experiences, and see the patterns you might have missed while in survival mode.
The tone? Like talking with a trusted friend. No fluff. Just truth.
Whether you're navigating narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, or coercive control or you're in the process of rebuilding your self-worth and healing your trauma this space is for you.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is finally tell your own story.
Survivor-led. Heart-led. Truth-led.
#DismissedTrueStories | A podcast for survivors and victims, by survivors.
Dismissed True Stories
Imagine Their Face When They Realize They Didn't Break You: Farah's Story PT 2
Imagine waking up one day to find yourself trapped in a relationship that looked like love but secretly stripped away your safety, autonomy, and nearly your identity. This is Farah's story - a journey through BDSM, polyamory, and cult-like control that will leave you breathless.
When Farah first met her daughter's father, she was exploring her submissive side. His charisma and intelligence mirrored her own spiritual interests, and he even helped her get a restraining order against a previous abuser - positioning himself as her protector. This carefully crafted safety was the perfect trap. Soon, Farah found herself living with multiple "sister wives" in a household where one man controlled everything, from their daily activities to their very thoughts.
The psychological manipulation was relentless. Even the smallest disagreements became ammunition against her. "If you told him 'that's dark blue,' he'd say 'it looks more like navy blue to me' and somehow make you feel crazy for having an opinion," Farah explains. This constant undermining left her questioning her worth, believing she might be broken beyond repair.
Farah's awakening began unexpectedly - meditating in her backyard, reconnecting with nature, and literally talking to birds. Through identifying her cardinal values (loyalty, respect, integrity, safety, and security) and questioning the negative thoughts that had been planted in her mind, she slowly reclaimed her power. The most powerful revelation? "We are not broken," she emphasizes. "We're just rearranging the pieces and making art out of the mess."
This conversation goes beyond survival stories to decode what healing really looks like - not just the breakthroughs, but the quiet moments when you realize your body finally feels calm and safe again. Farah and Elissa explore how many mistake constant activity for healing, when sometimes it's just your feet in the grass with the sun on your face.
Ready to reclaim your power? Learn how anger can be the doorway to clarity and action when channeled productively. As Farah says, "Imagine their face when they realize they didn't break you." Because they didn't. And they never will.
Follow Farah on Insta:
@Farahsfitnessfactory
Follow Alex on TikTok and Insta:
@narcsurvivoradvocate
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 OR text begin to 88788
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Come join our community of survivors who are looking to meet someone just like you! See the behind the scenes work that goes into the sisterhood non-profit business, discuss DTS episodes, and of course find your survivor sister.
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Ready to share your story? Send me an email with the main talking points of your experience and I'll reach out to book an interview.
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Hello and welcome back to Dismissed True Stories. I'm your host, elissa, and you know how I've been saying for a couple of intros now that I don't know what my intro is going to be. I think I finally figured it out. It just hit me just now. Welcome back to Dismissed True Stories. I'm your host, elissa.
Speaker 1:Dismissed True Stories is a podcast where we don't just share stories of survival, we help you decode yours. Okay, let me know what you think. Leave me a comment down below, okay, especially if you're on Spotify, you can do that, you know, okay. So today is part two of my conversation with Farrah, and if you caught part one, then you already know this woman has survived more than most could ever imagine.
Speaker 1:But what we get into today, girl, that is a ride. We're talking BDSM, we're talking polyamory and we're talking cult-like control, and then we're talking about how Farrah slowly and painfully and powerfully woke up. Inside of it all, she opens up to me about being lured into a dynamic that looked like love but ended up stripping her of her safety. Looked like love but ended up stripping her of her safety, of her autonomy and nearly her identity. But, of course, farrah being Farrah, that fighting spirit she's got. She didn't stay silent, she didn't stay down. She found her voice again, and in the most unexpected of places. Again, and in the most unexpected of places meditating in her backyard, reconnecting with nature, talking to the birds, literally and slowly putting herself back together, piece by piece.
Speaker 1:You're also going to hear us talk about what healing really looks like after trauma and how many of us mistake doing for healing. We touch on core values, the mother wound, and how reclaiming your power sometimes just starts with getting angry enough to act. This is the kind of episode that you'll want to sit with afterwards. This is the kind of episode that you'll want to sit with afterwards, maybe even rewind a couple of times and perhaps even cry with us. So if you've ever questioned whether you were broken beyond repair, Farrah's story is proof that you are not.
Speaker 2:After you know, I got that apartment. Six months later I met my daughter's father and then we entered the realm of BDSM, master and slave, poly relationships and it wasn't just controlling me, it was we was controlling. You know, at one time, four, four women, um, three of us, sister wives moved into the home together with him, um, but I was in that relationship for eight years, so it was literally until I was 34 years old, until I was 34 years old. And can you explain the BDSM and sister wives for anyone who may not know?
Speaker 1:So BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism masochism.
Speaker 2:It's its own subculture and it got really popular with Fifty Shades of Grey. That's how I was introduced. I'm also someone I'm a bit of a traditionalist and just how I was raised and how I've been taught, how we've all been socialized, whatnot I feel very safe when I'm with someone I feel safe with. I mean, I think that's very natural for a woman to feel that way with a man right that she has deemed safe. So there is a natural feminine, nurturing, submissive side to me when I know I feel safe. You know what I mean. Um, so I was really wanting to tap into that energy as a submissive and I was wanting to explore and I was being very careful I was I didn't even meet anyone face to face, you know, just having conversations, kind of exploring on this one website, exploring on this one website, and boom, I get a message from who's now my daughter's father and he's very charismatic, he's very smart, intelligent, he, you know, he mirrors really well, so he'll listen to everything that you talk about and you like, and because he's well versed and he is very intelligent, he's absolutely able to hold the conversation and questioning God, you know, and more talking about the universe. You know well, we don't. I don't know if God is a real thing, but I do respect the universe and I do know that, you know, everything that comes from the earth returns to the earth and speaking all these beautiful things, and I'm like, oh, you're right, I don't know. Is there a God? Ooh, ah, you're right, I don't know, is there a God?
Speaker 2:But with that he introduces me, because I was already kind of exploring the BDSM and my submissive side and me wanting to, you know, give up some control, whether it was sexually or whether it was domestically.
Speaker 2:I was still doing my kind of research as far as what I wanted to do. And you know, he came in and he was already in relationships with three other women at that time and very arrogant, and I remember the first three times I'm like God, this guy is arrogant, I'm going to talk to him but I don't think it's going to get very far because I just I can't take this. But he had a way of shedding this confidence. So I was like, oh, he's not arrogant, he's just really, really confident and he's not doing this for himself, he's actually doing this for the betterment of those women that he's in relationships with. But he had a way of coming in and saying well, you know, if you don't want to do it this way, when you, then you really don't want to serve and me being who I am, I'm like wait a minute. No, you don't, you can't tell me what I want.
Speaker 2:Actually, I want to do that Right. And so he knew exactly what to say to, because at first I was like, yeah, I don't know if I want a guy to control my every move. He was like, ok, I don't know if I want a guy to control my every move. He was like, ok, that's fine. But then you really don't want to be a submissive and you really don't want to serve All my women, serve me. And by the end of that I was like Dizzy and confused, but also feeling very attracted to this person.
Speaker 2:And he had a way of speaking and creating space for me to feel safe, understanding. And it was actually really interesting because one of the first times I was on the phone with him, my ex showed up. My son's father showed up at the door, was ringing my doorbell like crazy, was sitting outside the house and he was like, oh, don't worry, I'll stay on the phone with you. We'll wait until he leaves. I'm going to make sure you're safe. Don't worry. If he tries anything, I'll direct you what to do. I'll make sure you have the right conversations with the right people. And he did. He guided me to get a much needed restraining order against my son's father who had threatened my life at the time. He was so enraged that I was leaving him and I was being serious about it that he went and left a really bad voicemail and I called the police, had them come down and I'm like, listen, he just threatened my life and it was like that I was able to get that restraining order on him.
Speaker 1:Okay, this is something that I'm hearing a lot in my interviews lately the way that abusers position themselves as the hero, as the protector, and if their abuse is something like actually some kind of gift to you. Farrah's ex helped her get a restraining order against her previous abuser and at first glance that feels like safety, right, it feels like love, it feels like care, like maybe this time it's different, but that is exactly how they set the trap. And for me, my ex used to say things like I treat you like this to toughen you up, you're too sensitive. Like he was doing me some sort of fucking favor, and I don't know if it's the God complex or if it's something deeper, but I do know this they make you feel safe on purpose so that when the abuse comes later, you question yourself instead of them. And that's so fucked, because the very person who once helped you feel safe now becomes the one you fear the most.
Speaker 2:And within six months I moved from Connecticut to Florida and I was here and it was interesting because my mom, she saw the signs and because of just the long With your daughter's father is in Florida and because of just with your, daughter's father is in Florida.
Speaker 2:Ok, yeah, he was in Florida.
Speaker 2:I was living in Connecticut, ok, and my mom saw the signs and she was really worried and she even planned like this intervention for all the ladies in my life to like try to stop me from moving to Florida, because she was like my daughter's joining a cult and I don't want her to go. And she called it from the very, very, very beginning and she knew, and because of my own trust issues and our history and things that we went through, I'm like why I'm looking at he went and he got us a house. I'm going to have sisters and I'm going to have these beautiful women that I'm going to be sister wives with these, to have these beautiful women that I'm going to, you know, be sister wives with. These were the other women he was in relationships with and at that time I already had started talking to them and building connections and relationships and I'm personally I'm bisexual. So to me I'm like, wow, I'll even get to explore this side of my sexuality, which I've never explored before, under his tutelage and I'll have this opportunity to explore.
Speaker 1:Had any of those women ever said anything that made you think like, oh, this is a red flag, maybe they're not healthy as well?
Speaker 2:No, and it's sad because the woman that I am through the relationship I actually started to look at my one sister wife when she started to be a little bit honest with me about how she was feeling from the beginning and I realized I was like, oh, you never wanted this. Like me, I, I, I I wasn't looking for a polyamorous relationship, but the idea being introduced to me I'm like, actually I love women, I love sisterhood, bring them on. Like I have a great relationship with my sisters. She never wanted to have sister wives. She was making that decision because she wanted to be in relationship with him and, of course, the manipulation and control that he had over her by that time. And so I almost felt betrayed in a way, to say I wish you were honest about this from the beginning, because that would have been my red flags to say, yeah, this is not what I'm choosing right now. But I didn't find that out until really until I started paying attention one, to patterns, started asking the right questions, and this was now year six and seven, like we already have kids and things in the relationship. And this is when I'm realizing you didn't want this at all, you know.
Speaker 2:And he never stopped what I call recruitment. He was always still looking to have more wives because there became a time where one of our sister wives decided to leave and it was then just the two of us and he was still putting himself in the market and trying to bring on two more wives. And he accused me of sabotage at one point. Because I mean, again, I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to lie If someone is asking me okay, how was the house? Do you all go? Do this? Like what is it? I'm going to be honest. And he really accused me one time are you sabotaging? What's going on? Because I'm going to have more wives and you can't stop this and I'm like we need just to have a really solid foundation If we're going to add more people into the family. That is like my boundary solid foundation. I don't mind, I mean, we're poly already.
Speaker 1:The thing that I kept thinking about while listening back to this episode was is there a female version of this? Like imagine if the rules were actually reversed. Like we women could have multiple husbands living in a house together, sharing chores and emotions and rotating nights oh my gosh, men do this and they get to call themselves kings, while constantly recruiting other women, like it's just a job on Craigslist. And the wildest part about all of this for me, I think the part that like stuck out the most that I was like, isn't it ironic? Um, the second that farrah started telling her truth, he labeled it as sabotage. Why does that honestly, like always feel like a threat to people who benefit from your silence?
Speaker 2:more wives, we have more help around the house. I don't mind, like it's not that I mind. I'm not trying to stop you from doing your thing, but it needs to be healthy. You're not going to blow up our lives because you are. There's many people that are impacted by these decisions, and so I would not fall in line and I would not play that role of everything is perfect.
Speaker 2:And yeah, come on right, come right on in. And we had bought a house and I basically called him on his crap and I'm like, oh, so you're going to buy another house in town and move two more women there and you think you're going to between, be between, two houses. I was like, try me, go ahead, try me. And this is not very submissive, so you can imagine the anger that he had, that I was inciting in him by just speaking my voice, that he had that I was inciting in him by just speaking my voice. So instead he tried to kick my son out of the house to make more room, and my son didn't even graduate high school yet. And so I'm like, absolutely not, this is when I draw the line, and that's when I decided it was time for me to go.
Speaker 2:And you know, when he tried to have this narrative, that he's not pulling his weight and I'm like he hasn't even graduated high school. What do you expect him to do right now? Right, he's actually not, he just turned 18. But he actually is running his own business and he's working part time at the Y. What, what, what? You're not going to mess with my son, no, and after that, went on to adopt him after I left that home. So, him and my son, because he was in my son's life since he was 11 years old, right, 10 years old. So you know, even after that situation and after I left the home, my son still lived there and he ended up going on to adopt, legally adopting my oldest, our son, and so did they have a good relationship, like your son wanted to be around.
Speaker 2:No, not anymore, because, as you know, a narcissist will always discard when they no longer have, you know, or they can't control you or the narrative. But last year, when we were going through the custody situation, my son basically went to him and is like, yeah, I know that you have this custody thing going on, but Tyra needs you now, like my sister needs you now. So I don't know what you're waiting for, but mom needs help and your daughter needs you and I just don't understand why you can't have more of a presence in Tyra's life and spend more time with her. And he basically told him you're not going to be in here talking that. You know, talking that stuff that your mother talks. Get out of my house. You're going to see when I get my 50-50, you and your mother are going to see, yada, yada, yada.
Speaker 2:So he wasn't very happy that my son was questioning him, was holding him accountable, you know, was saying that you need to spend time with your daughter. Like who is he to tell him that? Right? So at that time, you know, last year, he kicked my son out of his house and they really don't talk anymore. And that's because, again, when you hold people accountable and they don't want to be held accountable, then they do the manual discard.
Speaker 2:And it didn't feel good for my son because a few months later he moved in his new wife and his his, his new wife had a son that was literally the same age as my son and you know they connected and had a good relationship when he first started seeing this woman. But you know he did express to me it kind of felt like he was being replaced. He was like it just kind of feels like he was replacing us. You know, and in so many terms, to my own face. For years he threatened oh, I'll shut down this family and I'll do this all again. I'll show the both of you he was talking to me and my sister wife at the time I'll show the both of you, I'll start this whole family over.
Speaker 1:So there was a lot of mental, emotional abuse that went around in that household.
Speaker 2:I think you had mentioned that mental, emotional, psychological piece was by far the the worst and worst. Yeah, and that relationship I didn't realize. Again, it took me, it took me a lot to realize. Um, because this is the thing with my parents, with my, with my dad. I never trusted him. I knew not to trust him. I knew what he was doing. Right With my son's father. It wasn't very long into the relationship. He was cheating on me and doing things and I didn't trust him. I dealt with him, I individual, not only did I trust, I put all my eggs in this basket.
Speaker 1:Okay, textbook. I mean, are we even surprised? Abusers? Oh, they need confusion like they need air, and it keeps you second guessing so you don't see the manipulation, until one day you're standing there in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of the wreckage, wondering how you got there, and then the discard, always the discard. The moment that you start showing signs of clarity or calling out the bullshit, they toss you like you were never enough. And the part that broke me is when she said I trusted him, I put all of my eggs in this basket. Same girl, same. You don't just mourn the relationship, you mourn the version of yourself that believed in it, of yourself that believed in it. And that's the kind of grief that doesn't come with a funeral.
Speaker 2:My family stopped talking to me. My mom decided to support my ex in a custody battle, trying to get my son away from me here in Florida. Even though my son wasn't going through any abuse, they were going to say whatever they could to get him out of Florida and back to.
Speaker 2:Connecticut because they knew I would be, I would follow. I'm not going to, you know what I mean. So they're like we've got to get her out from safety, and this is what my mom's thoughts were. We've got to get my daughter out from safety by any means necessary.
Speaker 2:And that I can forgive, you know, and in so many ways he tricked me to think that my mom was the narcissist, was the controlling one. When were her tactics the best? Maybe not, because if my daughter was joining a cult, I'd slide her a card and say listen, don't let them see this. When you need to get out, this is what you got. And I would do my personal best to make sure I had a relationship with her and him, because I could see it for what it is. I wouldn't want to do anything that would make him want to cut me off because I want to make sure I'm there for my daughter. That's how I would approach it. Right, that's not her understanding of life and I understand that. But with him, I trusted him. So for that trust to then be betrayed that he had this way of just and it was gaslighting for sure. But if you told him, yeah, that that's dark blue, is it dark blue? It looks more like a navy blue to me. It could be so simple. It could be so simple. It could be about something on TV. It could be so simple. It could be about something on TV.
Speaker 2:And if I have an opinion, he's got a some way. It's. I'm being too bright, I'm showing my intelligence, or whatever it was, he would come and chop you down and it was very much normalized. And what do you mean? We're just having a conversation, yes, like, why are you even getting upset? Right?
Speaker 2:I remember we were watching. We were watching like Love and Hip Hop or something, and he was going through the academy at that time and he was big on law and order and I remember, you know, we were like, okay, but just because the law now, mind you, we're African, we're Black, but just because the law now, mind you, we're African, we're black, we know, just because the law is a certain way, don't make it right. There's the letter of the law, the spirit of the law, but just because the law is a certain way, it doesn't make it right. So he was on this big law and order and law, the law will always prevail. And me and my sister wife are looking at him like, okay, number one, you're crazy, because you yourself have had belief systems that have supported what we're saying.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then he just switches up on you.
Speaker 2:The law will always prevail and the both of you are idiots if you think anything different. If you think anything different, we're just like who is this person? I always thought that the Academy changed him, but it just gave him more permission to be who he was.
Speaker 1:It fueled him? Yeah, because when you're talking about him, just trying to, I guess, dig in your brain and manipulate you with the oh that's dark, that's midnight blue, oh no, that's navy. That to me sounds so much like just an energy vampire. They just want to suck it from you. You can never be right. Let me manipulate this situation. Let me pull whatever that is it from you. You can never be right. Let me manipulate this situation. Let me pull whatever that is out of you. I see it, it's good and I need it. That's what that feels like to me, that's exactly right.
Speaker 2:And that's exactly how it was. And I remember one time I decided to go and meditate in in his room, like there was a master suite, and because we had children and we had the children's room, so and you know, if there were two wives, so we would switch out who would be, you know, um sleeping in the bedroom at that time, um, it was basically like his room and we had our room with the children Right. It was basically like his room and we had our room with the children Right, and so we were going through like a really bad hardship at the time and I was really deep into practicing my spirituality, which he always made fun of. He always like, oh, what are you doing now? Your woo, woo stuff. But I went to his room.
Speaker 1:That's what he was talking about in the beginning, Like when you guys got together he would be like the universe. Okay, I just had to point that out, Cause I'm like why? Why is he switching up again?
Speaker 2:I'm telling you just so that way you wouldn't have solid footing, you would. He just never. He never wanted you to be on solid footing or feel any confidence or remotely feel good about yourself. If you felt good about yourself when it was rooted in him like, oh daddy, look what I did for you and you felt good about yourself about that, oh, that was very acceptable. But independently, to feel good about yourself and find some type of satisfaction in anything rooted outside of him, he was going to find a way to chop it down. But what you said about being an energy vampire, I was meditating in his room and I remember just seeing this cloud, this black cloud In your meditation, Laying in the place of where he would usually lay, Like if he's laying in the bed watching TV or something there's. A black cloud was on that side of the bed and I was just like, oh so there's nothing I could do about this. This is a him thing.
Speaker 2:I said okay, and I told that. I remember telling that cloud very, very, very specifically you do not have access to me, you do not have access to my children and you are not to leave this room.
Speaker 1:And that was actually probably the start out of a lot of. It was like your canon event, that kind of woke you up. You know what I picture when you say that Hocus Pocus, when they start to the witches start to suck out of Emily. Oh seriously, that's what.
Speaker 2:I see, yes, yes, and it was very and it's very much like that, and it's honestly. You say that, because when I see this, when I see him now, he looks aged. He looks aged. I'm like, and, mind you, I look younger.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I look great.
Speaker 2:I look amazing, but every time I see him I don't feel bad. But I almost want to feel bad Because at the end of the day, I still shared love with this person. I can't even look at myself in the mirror to say I don't love this man. You know what I mean. He's hurt me in terrible, terrible, terrible ways. But we shared. We did. There was a time that I loved him and I can still honestly say that I just. That part just doesn't get erased from me. It doesn't. So when I even see him now, I almost feel bad.
Speaker 1:I want to repeat something that my dad told me one of the many times I tried to leave my abuser, and it's something that just cracked me wide open. I remember he and I were in the garage. I had moved home to a different state trying to get away from him and that relationship, and I was so upset going through all my things, going through all these boxes, that I just started throwing stuff all over the garage. And my dad, he, comes outside and I'm sobbing and he stands me up and he holds me and he looks at me and he said Liss, he will always claim a piece of your heart and that's okay, but you will go on to love other people, other places and other moments in life that will fill in the rest of your heart. He owns just a piece, but he will never make you whole, so let go and make room for what's good to come next.
Speaker 2:And then I remember and I'm like see, but we all create our own situations here. So I can't feel bad for what you're creating for yourself, but, yeah, so I feel like the youthful energy that was there, that was feeding something in him, is no longer there. It's no longer there and it's evident to see experience in this last year and even in this last six months, three months, two months I can't even tell you when I actually started. I can go back and look at my journal, I'm sure, but seeing myself as whole, seeing myself as full, yes, I went through these very, very, very tough things in life. I went through these very, very, very tough things in life, but that I'm not those things. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:When you talk about Carlita. It's very to what I think about my relationship with my mom, not even my actual relationship with my mom, because if you were to have a conversation with my mom now, she would tell you how proud she is, how much she loves me, how much she's just so absolutely amazed that I've accomplished the things that I've accomplished, that I'm still going. But if you asked me what I thought about my relationship with my mom, I would have told you I've always let her down. I've always chose relationships that hurt our relationship, and she probably doesn't forgive me for that. I would tell you that, since a child, I've always felt like there wasn't a bond or a connection between us. You know what I mean. But there's something called the mother wound, and it really doesn't have to do with your mother, but how we shape our experiences, trying to reach an expectation that we form as a child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I can't be trying to meet the expectations of what little girl Farrah thought her mom wanted. Yeah, what about what Farrah wants? What about the life that I want? Because I can always look at it through another person's lens to say, oh, I would have wanted Farrah to do this, or da-da-da-da, right. And there's an aspect of, yes, you want to make your mom proud and you want to have a good relationship, but that's not the only lens for my life, and I need to look at myself through my lens, and that was huge for me, because then I'm like oh, I started giving myself even more permission to be myself and it's like, okay, yeah, you had to stop creating content for a while. It's not a big deal.
Speaker 2:Instagram is still there, like no one is like mad at you because you're not making content anymore. But that was something I was like oh yeah. And then I started looking back at my content and I'm like, damn girl, you were doing good, really good. Like why were you even telling yourself you weren't good enough, you know? But it really was telling that voice, like I know where you come from.
Speaker 2:I know where you come from and I understand why you're there, but it's okay to come home Like it's okay. And still, sometimes, like the other day I was looking for something I'm like who's bullying me in my house? I'm like, wait, farrah, no, why are you thinking like that? That's not the way to think about things. Like, why would you even ask yourself that? But I had to say it out loud and you know that was the little girl Farrah, probably like who's bullying me, right.
Speaker 2:But in your mind, if you don't catch those things, that thought is creating something. It is A belief, yeah, a belief, yeah, and it's supporting and that's the thing. It's supporting a belief of some underlying belief. That has to. We all have core values and like cardinal values that, for whatever reason, based on our experiences, mean so much to us. So you can imagine loyalty, respect, integrity, safety and security are my five cardinal values and, based on this conversation, you probably can see why. So when I'm having a thought like that, it's easier now to put it okay, that's just your belief in this and that's not what's actually happening here. Right, you're having that thought because your belief in, maybe, loyalty is being challenged right now. So let's find God in this situation. Let's look for the truth.
Speaker 1:How did you come up with your core values. How were you able? To identify them.
Speaker 2:So community is so important. I found a community of women, two other women, and it was that friend that I, that I spoke about. Her name is Maria, that friend that I spoke about in the very beginning. That kind of was like girl, are you sure?
Speaker 2:Um, she, hey, maria girl girl, um, but she held space and she started having like just weekly like she called them, I think the essential woman's circle, and we started digging into books like Narcissist Nightmare and we started digging into things like Emotional Alchemy and you Can Heal your Life by Louise Hay, and we started reading these things together and talking about them and talking about our experiences. And she went through a course and I don't know why the course is escaping my mind right now Enlighten Up your Day. It's called Enlighten Up your Day and there is a chapter that Brian has on cardinal values and he just has its workbook format and it's just a list of values, it's a whole list and you kind of go through the list and you kind of just check off the ones that jump out and mean something to you and then he kind of takes you through this workbook format of identifying why those things mean something to you. And then I started keeping what you call a mood log. So if I was experiencing an emotion I would write it down and I would write down.
Speaker 2:You know why. You know I'm experiencing extreme anger and frustration because my son won't listen to me. Or I remember one that actually went through. I was very angry that my daughter was screaming at me. I remember, I write it down I'm very angry. My daughter is screaming at me, left it alone, came back to it. Okay, well, why? Why are you angry about this? Well, because I believe that kids are not supposed to scream at their parents. That's how I was raised. Oh well, honey, you were raised in a very unsafe environment, so that's why you have that belief. Very unsafe environment, so that's why you have that belief. Oh, and actually, the fact that you created such a safe space for your children. You actually don't believe that, because when they yell at you, you don't yell at them back, you keep calm and you actually get to the root of the problem the bottom of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so actually you do believe that kids can scream at their parents because it's all going to be okay and it's up to the parent to hold space and to correct the behavior. Oh, okay, and that anger was just because my deep seated belief was not caught up with what my present fair was experiencing and was behaving. And so we have a way of like slingshotting ourselves into situations where we are who we say we are. We just have to realize it. And through us realizing it, then we can reconcile these emotions and reconcile what we're feeling. And it's not that big of a deal. And now, when my daughter yells at me, I'm just like, ok, girl, let's just take it down a notch and talk about this.
Speaker 1:That is incredible and hard work, but it's such an unraveling of everything Because I think at least for me.
Speaker 1:I have CPTSD and before I was medicated I tried every holistic approach possible, um to try to chill out. Um, yeah, I always had my window. Um, for those listening they're not going to be able to see. Maybe like for a visual is like this big, a couple of inches right of where things can happen, and I'll be cool and even keel if anything happens outside of that small window of availability and mental space that I have for myself. I'm all over the place.
Speaker 1:I'm either solo or angry, and it's the unraveling. I don't know if you're familiar with Sabrina Claudio, the singer. She has a song called Unravel Me, and it's just that unraveling that you have to do to figure out, okay, why am I doing and reacting the ways that I'm reacting? And not only that, but realizing that it's a two-step process to not only unravel this, but to understand that, going back to the beginning conversation that we had, that it's all about regulating your nervous system as well.
Speaker 2:And I spent so much time and I thank God that everything happened the way it was supposed to happen, because even me being in this house was absolute divine timing and was just absolutely crazy. But we have a backyard and there's just lots of trees and I'm just looking out my window I see nothing but trees. It's just beautiful here, just so much nature. And I remember when I moved here and I remember crying in my backyard like I just left and, mind you, we were in a six bedroom house, pool, u-shaped driveway, there was so much nature, all these tall trees. I had all these birds I would go outside and talk to every day. So much support, like there were cardinals everywhere.
Speaker 2:I was seeing cardinals and that's a very special thing for me, because anytime I see a cardinal, for me it means like the universe is sending support, or it may be like a family member that's passed on, that's just bringing you some type of encouragement. It's always a positive sign and I would see cardinals all the time when I was there. And I only see cardinals when I'm having a harder time in life, like when things are good. I always know things are going good Cause I'm like, damn, I haven't seen a cardinal in a while and I'm like oh, I guess things have been okay, right, um. But I remember crying here, like where are the birds? I don't hear birds here, like I don't. I'm so sad. And a week later I go outside and not only do I see a cardinal, but birds are singing and it's all you hear is the chirping, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, and I was like, oh my God, okay, no, fair.
Speaker 1:Because I do distinctly remember having this conversation, like this part of the conversation with Farrah where she's talking about the mother wound, and, like me, secretly thinking, holy shit, this is probably something that I too have and I've just never realized it. Oh, that sucks to say out loud, but when she was like I'm finally choosing to see myself through my own eyes instead of the expectations that she placed on herself. That's next level healing. And then she goes and talks about her cardinal values. And if you've never heard of them, cardinal values are basically like your non-negotiables, they're your core beliefs that shape your reactions, your decisions, your sense of safety. And for Farrah, she named hers loyalty, respect, integrity, safety, security. And if you listen closely, you could feel how every single one of her wounds that she's talking about, every betrayal, every red flag, it's bumped up against one of those five cardinal values.
Speaker 1:And this is why it's so powerful, because when you know your values, you can rewrite your shame. You can catch the thoughts that are actually not yours to begin with and then reframe them. You can sit with yourself and say, no, this isn't about me failing. You can sit with yourself and say no, this isn't about me failing. It's about my value of safety and it being threatened. So if you've never done this before, I highly recommend it. I think I'm going to do it. We can do it together. Look up the values list, circle the ones that hit home for you, and just start getting curious. Your values can guide and your healing, and they can help you decode your shame, decode your story and give you language for what's really going on on the inside.
Speaker 2:My backyard. So many times I would either leave a work meeting and this is before I took my hiatus from work I would leave a work meeting and I would go outside to the backyard and I would just put my feet in the grass and my son in the face and I'm just like fresh air, just heal me, like nature. And a few times and this is Florida and no one and I would not suggest it but a few times, and this is Florida and no one and I would not suggest it but a few times I've been in my blanket laying in the grass and I've been the most comfortable and I've fallen asleep out there and I wake up like, oh my God, there might be snakes.
Speaker 1:I was thinking an alligator, but go on Well.
Speaker 2:Thank God we're not. The marsh is a few miles away but is possible, like I have. I have black bears in my neighborhood. They just cut down some trees. I mean we've got raccoons.
Speaker 2:I had a turkey in my backyard, the other day like turkeys uh-uh no me and my daughter else were looking from the window like, oh my god, do you see, did somebody's like bird get loose? But no, it was a wild turkey just walking on through. Um, but I just felt very supported around nature, my home and nature, and I was always at a park with my daughter, always at the beach, just any point. I mean, I even went camping and that's a big deal for me because I'm not someone, I'm not like a camper, like I would rather have an RV or like a cabin we call that glamping.
Speaker 1:Thank you, I'm a glamper.
Speaker 2:I'm a glamper, but also like mindfulness and just meditating and sitting quiet, and sometimes I'm just trying to focus on my breathing and I observe my thoughts, but I send them away and then sometimes I welcome my thoughts and I'm like, oh, that's interesting, oh, that's interesting. And you know, sometimes I'm like, oh, just focus on flowing water. Right, and it's never the same meditation or the same thing. But I'm taking that time to like listen to that inner voice, because you have to train yourself to hear that inner voice, because so much of our life is experienced in our own heads that we don't realize the conversation hasn't even happened yet and you've had it 50 ways in your head already. So I've gotten, and it took years and it took a lot of talks with Maria, that you know. She reminded me that it's all a process and she's not the only one, right?
Speaker 2:My sisters I have a church group on the weekends that I was attending. I'm not attending anymore, but all of these community spaces were able to just also affirm to me, you know, when I'm having just maybe that fleeting might be a negative thought, they're like, I don't know, girl, that doesn't sound too right, you know, but it's a process, because the first time I heard the phrase to learn how to think is to learn how to live, I really didn't understand it. I'm like, ok, but how do you teach yourself how to think is to learn how to live? I really didn't understand it. I'm like okay, but how do you teach yourself how to think?
Speaker 1:Like we just think, you know, and I really had to train myself to hear my subconscious voice, and so the fact that you can I call that turning off the noise because you'll hear it this Friday in my story where I say one of the things that helped me leave for good I don't know where my voice just went One of the things that helped me leave for good was I would wake up after he would go to work. I would go out and be in nature After he would go to work. I would go out and be in nature, I wouldn't take my phone and I would spend this time with myself just walking my dog and turning out the noise. I'm not listening to music, I'm not listening to anything else.
Speaker 1:I am listening to myself and what I want and what are my thoughts. And I think that's so important because you have so much and we tend to to look for all of the answers in everybody else and because we've been trained to not listen to ourselves. So you have the answer. You know the answers to should I stay or should I go, and what does my healing look like for me. You have all the answers, we do. You just have to learn how to listen to it.
Speaker 2:And it's going to be different for everyone. So we could take someone's advice, but is that what we need? And if we don't know how to quiet the noise and look inside ourselves, I hate to say it, but we're always going to be putting our healing in something else hoping that that is going to be the thing.
Speaker 2:Relationships jobs, working out hobbies, all of it, all of it Sometimes, and I thought I was doing such a good thing. I got back into skating and I was skating three, four times a week and I remember that guy that I was seeing. I remember telling him at one point I'm like I know there's going to be a point in time that comes up that I'm going to have to slow down and I'm going to have to stop all this, because at that point I was skating. Like you know, my son was living here, so I had help for my daughter and every single point, if it was skating from 11 am to2 am or if it was, you know, a Thursday night adult skate, or if it was the Wednesday night family skating, it was I was connecting to little girl Farrah, but I was also.
Speaker 2:It was a distraction to little girl Farrah, but I was also. It was a distraction Like it was a part of the. I can't sit with myself because I would go straight from working. Okay, it's time to get ready to go skating. Come on, girl, we got to go do this. Or my daughter had gymnastics, or so, being able to hear ourselves and really give ourselves that permission.
Speaker 1:That's such a beautiful core memory that I'm sure so many survivors will never forget. And it's that moment, that point where you finally slow down just enough to hear your own voice again, just enough to hear your own voice again, and it feels like this very unfamiliar yet beautiful moment. I remember sitting on the back deck after I left it was like the first year after escaping and I was sharing a bottle of wine with another single mom who I was living with at the time and we had just put our kids to bed and we were listening to this owl in the tree back behind our house and I remember looking up from my glass and just crying and she's like, oh my God, what is wrong? And all I could say was I think I'm happy.
Speaker 1:It was such a simple night, such a simple moment, but that peace, that stillness, I hadn't felt that in so long. And that's what healing can look like. It's going to look different for everyone, but sometimes it's just not always this huge breakthrough or epiphany. Breakthrough or epiphany Sometimes it's just your feet in the grass with the sun in your face, or laying in your backyard and realizing your body finally feels calm and finally feels safe.
Speaker 2:And we're still on our healing journey. It's not like we're not on the journey to healing, right, but it's when it comes from self and it's self-fulfilled. I really, truly then feel like we're then going to give ourselves permission to be OK, you know, and that's because we found those answers within ourselves. And it's not to say that community is not important, because I would have not come to this place without community, to this place without community. It's just that when you get maybe a bright idea of, oh, maybe I should do this, don't go ask this person and that person and this person, or, if you do, fine, but make sure you're asking yourself. Come back to yourself and ask yourself.
Speaker 1:And I think it's also important to note too that this is a trial and error process too big time. Yes, uh, I, I thought for me. I'm a dancer, I love to dance. Um, I have taken classes, I have gone out with my girls and when I first left, I was dancing all the time just in my room and my with my girls. And when I first left, I was dancing all the time just in my room and my with my AirPods. Like my son and I shared a room at that time, like he was sleeping in my closet and you know I had my AirPods on. Having like this silent dance party folding laundry and stuff at like 2 AM and I felt like I was literally just shaking off everything that I had been through over the past, you know couple years, and that felt so healing.
Speaker 1:But then it came to a point where it's like, well, am I dancing and partying because it's healing, or am I escaping something? Yes, and then so I had to go back to the drawing board and say, well, what's going to work for me now? And at that point I was also journaling, and those things worked for me for a little bit. And then it started to look like I stopped dancing and the thing that I really needed to do was hiking and running. And I was, you know, running on the beach. I live in Michigan, so a different kind of beach from you, from Florida, but you know, running, you got the cold coming off the lake.
Speaker 1:Yes, but you know, then it was running and then, after a little while it was, I got really into plants and gardening and so it's. It's a trial and error process and you just have to go through, listen to yourself and say what is this thing right now? Like? You have to give yourself permission to say, okay, what are the things that bring me joy and what do I need right now. To say, okay, what are the things that bring me joy and what do I need right now, and then go do those things, because you know what you need and the body does keep the score. So, through whatever you're doing, through that movement or whatever it is, that can be a form of meditation and a form of release.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I, I, I personally can't agree with you, um, agree with you more, um, because in so many ways where I was even kind of beating myself up, like when I wasn't, I didn't start back meditating. Um, initially I was almost looking at myself like, oh my gosh, you used to meditate so much when you were in the relationship, like what's wrong with you that you can't just meditate now. But at that time it wasn't what I needed. You know what I mean. And then when I started asking myself, okay, you know, let's start meditating, no, no, what do I need? What do you? What do you need? Right? So it's like, okay, I don't need to meditate every day, three times a day.
Speaker 2:So what did that look like for you? What did you try? Next, the birds. And that was meditation for me. You know what it is. So I was very used to like, maybe, like more like of a practice and you know, maybe put on a guided meditation or go into a meditation with my own intention. But sitting with nature became the best meditation, you know. And when I finally was asking myself, okay, what is that you need? It was right there in my backyard. You know what I mean. I didn't need to go out and get another yoga mat. I didn't need anything else. Yeah, oh, I love that. Which so many things I, you know. I'm like, oh, what material thing, what book can help me? What this can help me, it's that all that stuff is good, it's helpful, it's supportive. But everything we need is I agree with you is right here and it's not going to look the same, it's going to be different, and we have to give ourselves permission to change our minds.
Speaker 2:I think so much of what that control looked like at one time was you're not allowed to change your mind. You're this person to me and you're always going to be this person to me, so you have to stay in this box and we you're not allowed to change your mind when you're in certain type of dynamics with abusive people. So giving ourselves permission like actually, yeah, no, I don't have to do that thing because it worked yesterday or three days ago. I can do something different, and doing just that is, it's very, very powerful Learning how to think.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Learning how to think Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:You said at one point in the story that you sent over to me. You said I have been through so much and I really want others who have experienced DB to know that they are, in all capital letters, not broken. They were hurt and they can have a life where they feel safe, seen and valued. I forgot.
Speaker 2:I wrote that I used to really look at myself like I was damaged, like I'm damaged goods, like I was broken. I used to really look at myself like I was damaged, like I'm damaged goods, like I was broken. I used to actually say, oh my God, like I have a broken heart. And it's interesting because as a child I was diagnosed with a heart murmur. That was absolutely benign. I just have an extra beat. And even now when they listen to me, they're like have you ever been diagnosed with a murmur? Yes, we know all about it. It's benign, it's fine. I don't have any congenital heart problems, thank God, thank God. But I would, in some ways, I would look at it like oh my God, is that proof that I actually had a broken heart as a kid? And it's like girl, you've got to be careful how you talk to yourself, because you will now be manifesting something else just in how you see yourself. But we were.
Speaker 2:There's a difference of experiencing hurt and actually seeing yourself as broken, because so much in this healing is to see ourselves whole, because that are the areas where someone is able to manipulate us. They will find those areas and they will identify where you don't feel whole and they'll use it against you. So if we're in the place that no one, and no matter what you think of me, you're not going to make me feel less than You're not going to make me feel smaller. You're not going to make me feel like I'm missing something. Everything that I need in life is right here. You didn't. And then imagine their face when they realize they didn't break you.
Speaker 1:Damn girl, damn girl, get it. Imagine their face when they realize they didn't break you. This moment is everything, because she's talking about not just reclaiming her mind, her peace, her body, her voice. She's talking about doing it on her own terms, and I know someone needs to hear this too this part right here where she says you're not broken. You're not broken. You were hurt, but you're still here and that wholeness that Farrah is describing, that already lives inside of you.
Speaker 1:I just had to sit in that for a moment. No, seriously, I did, because you do spend so much of your time telling yourself that you're broken, because you do spend so much of your time telling yourself that you're broken, and that was something that someone who is very close to me battled with, always saying that they were broken. And one of the things that I said to them is like you've got to stop. You've got to stop telling yourself that because you're not broken and the most beautiful part about this you're not broken. And the most beautiful part about this you're not broken. Your pieces are just, they're a little bit rearranged, but the opportunity that you have now is you get to take those pieces and you get to rearrange them into the places where you want them. Somebody else took them and moved them around, but now you get to take them and you get to put them exactly where you want them and you can leave some pieces out if you don't want them to come with you anymore.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:So you have an opportunity. Just like I said in the very beginning, we were all born with a clean slate. That's how I like to reframe this in my brain. Thank you.
Speaker 1:Thank you for doing what you did because now you released me because I can make you the villain of my story, because you were Right, and now you have given me a clean slate to say you know what I was searching for, that person that I was before I walked into this relationship with you. And the reason that I couldn't find her is because she doesn't exist anymore, not because she necessarily died, but because she's just better and she has more pieces to add. But she didn't know that because you never let her see that. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have to agree with you and you know, I think in some, in some ways, it's purposely meant to fragment ourselves heard in a podcast that I was listening to, um, that if we felt as if we lost a piece of ourself in a relationship, a guy was very clear. He was like I'm gonna need you to go get it back.
Speaker 2:He was like so if you think, if you left your confidence, I'm gonna need you to go get it back. We need that Right, Um, but it's also, you know, I it, it, it spoke it really Cause, cause, cause. Then I thought about it. I'm like wait, you don't get to keep that part of me, you don't get, you don't get, no, you don't actually. Now I'm really concerned. I tried to leave that behind. No, no, no.
Speaker 1:That piece is way too great for you to keep.
Speaker 2:We were not deserving of that.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. So there are certain ways. If we do see ourselves as broken or not full or not whole, we should explore that and we should explore what that means to us, because maybe there is a piece that we've left with that situation that we have to go back and pick up, left with that situation that we have to go back and pick up. But if we carry it with us and, like you say, rearrange it and we are the creators of our own lives so we absolutely have the power to say, no, I want you there, I want this here, I want this here. We have that autonomy, we have that permission.
Speaker 2:God gave us that right, it's our right. And once we start taking that active responsibility and saying, no, this is my right to a good and happy life, a full life, you'll feel more powerful in saying, yeah, you don't get to keep that, take it back, you know and take it back, you know and see ourselves as whole. But I think that's huge for me and if I could have anyone that's listening to this take that piece with them, that would be the biggest thing. We are not broken, we're not damaged in no way.
Speaker 1:God won't have that.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 2:I think I needed to hear that Superpowers, girl, we have superpowers. We have superpowers. We truly do. I have to thank you so, so much for holding this space.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I didn't know what this was gonna look like or feel like or what this was gonna be, but know what this was going to look like or feel like or what this was going to be. But a lot of what I wanted to accomplish here was not only just talking about my story and telling my story, because for me, it's a missing piece where I have people that I want to connect with, but me holding back this piece of myself I feel like is and it could just be mental, right, someone could be observing me and they feel like they connect with me, just fine. But I do feel like, um, you know, in so much of what we do on social media and connecting with others and connecting with our audience, storytelling is so important and this is such a big part of what I experienced that getting comfortable telling this piece of my story will help round, you know, just round it out and make me feel more comfortable, make me feel more authentic, and that's all what it's about. Right?
Speaker 1:It's how I feel, about what I'm doing, and so, but I don't think that you're alone in that either, because I understand that so many people who are like you know what telling my story is such an important part of my healing. Telling my story is such an important part of my healing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. It is Because it's. I mean, we've learned so much about ourselves through these things. How could we leave it out, you know?
Speaker 1:pretend that it didn't happen, and I'm not shaming anyone who decides that they don't want to talk about it, but for so many of us talking, about. It is our healing Right Because we do have permission to do that too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if it's easier keeping it close to home, then you know what. We have permission to do that for ourselves, and that is OK. And I do feel that, for those of us who do feel called to share a little bit more, we're going to be able to reach people that may not have had a resource or had a voice or even felt like, oh my gosh, you know what I mean. Confused, same thing, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because that's the big thing, is the confusion. Know what I mean?
Speaker 2:Confused this person went through right Same thing. Yeah, yeah, because that's the big thing is the confusion. Abusers need confusion like they need air, because if things were clear for us, they wouldn't have the stronghold that they did. That's why they isolate you.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, right. Very true, I feel like I could talk to you forever.
Speaker 2:I knew that was going to be the case, Lisa.
Speaker 1:But I do want to ask you one question and I want to be clear that the only reason that I'm asking you my last question is because I have to go pick up my son.
Speaker 2:Same, no worries, because we'd be on here.
Speaker 1:But I ask everyone because I feel like this is such an important question, because I do know that I have listeners who are listening because they want to leave and they haven't. So what is one piece of advice that you would give to someone who wants to leave?
Speaker 2:One piece of advice give yourself time, give yourself love and give yourself permission to get angry. You know um, don't give yourself too much time because these are unsafe situations, right, and we can drag out the leaving right um, but we're not going to do something until we're ready.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But I feel like once we allow ourselves to get a little enraged about what we're going through, what I, what I learned with anger is anger is very powerful when it comes to action. Yes, if you want to get something done, get angry, you will have no problem. You know how many times something would happen and I would be sitting on my butt through the court case like, oh, I know, I have to do that thing. And then he would do that, he would do something, and all of a sudden I'm at that computer and I just wrote a whole three page motion Right, like but a lot of, I think, what I went through in that relationship, which was interesting because through that last relationship I actually was being gaslit to think that I had anger management problems and I actually started seeing a therapist for my anger and it was through that. That was very and I'm pretty sure he looks back now like I should have never did that Right, but it was because of that and because of who I am, because I'm not going to just allow you to sit here and say I have an anger problem.
Speaker 2:We're not going to allow that to be the narrative Farrah is going to do something about it so through and so that therapist empowered me. No, you're allowed to be angry. Now, what you do with that anger is very important, right, but it was through that I was able to take action. And then, when he made a move to you know, hurt my, my, my son is when I'm like, absolutely lines drawn. We're not doing this, right, but it was. It was both of those things.
Speaker 2:I was really allowing myself to feel like the injustice of it all and say, no, I won't disrespect you with my words, I'm going to be very careful on how I act, because that's what he would use against me when I would get angry. It's like, oh, look at you, you've got a problem now and now. The problem is not me and what I'm doing, the problem is you. Now and now the problem is not me and what I'm doing, the problem is you. So I was very careful on how I acted, but I made sure it fueled, it did it, had no choice because it would have spiraled out into something unhealthy and I was very hell bent on not doing that.
Speaker 2:So I think anger is very important. I know that's something that you talk about allowing people to get angry but I think it's just so powerful. But first we have to give ourselves permission, and so at first we're not going to even be ready to feel the anger yet Just keep telling yourself it's okay to be angry, because what is happening to you is not okay, it's not, and it never was, and it never will be it, never was, will be.
Speaker 2:We could never over explain these things to be okay, never, ever. So it's a process. So that's why I said give yourself time, give yourself love, but give yourself permission to get angry, absolutely. Yeah, that's my advice.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much Thank you.
Speaker 2:I thank you.
Speaker 1:Gosh, I cannot wait to share you and your story. It's gonna be great.
Speaker 2:I just want to thank you, because when you said golden girls yesterday, I was like, oh, I know tomorrow's gonna be be just fine, because that's what I love and that's something he would also make fun of me too, because I love watching the Golden Girls and the Twilight Zone and these are my favorite shows, and so I'm literally I'm going to get takeout and I'm going to come home and I'm watching the Golden Girls for the rest of the evening.
Speaker 1:I love this. This will be me and my baby girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I appreciate you and I thank you so much for holding space and for allowing me the opportunity to share my story. It was your, it's your friend, the reason why I came in contact with your page, the the. What is her page name? The NARC Survivor Advocate.
Speaker 1:Alex is my best friend.
Speaker 2:I had a conversation with her and she helped me prep for my. I wasn't able to hire her services to help me do the whole entire prep, but we had, like the initial call and she gave me a strategy for court and it was very, very helpful. And she is just, she's beautiful, she's, she's a genius oh my gosh, she really is. So you have the bomb, best friend. I know you both are like a powerhouse.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna tell her that you said that too, because she also struggles with imposter syndrome, so she needs to hear that as well.
Speaker 2:It's a real thing, but we'll you know and I think that's some of the work too is working on seeing ourselves also through the lens of other people, because we're doing way better than we think we are and there is someone out there that's looking like oh, I wish I could do that. So it's really amazing. You know that.
Speaker 1:Alex is in Orlando.
Speaker 2:I thought she was in Jacksonville. I didn't know. She was in Orlando.
Speaker 1:She's in Orlando, yes, and that's 40 minutes away from me.
Speaker 2:I skate in Orlando all the time. I don't think you understand.
Speaker 1:Like I at least go down to visit her once a year. Next time we should all get together. We should.
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness, I'm actually going to reach out to her, like I know you don't know me and this might be weird, but no, I think she would love that.
Speaker 1:She would love that. You need to reach out to her, finding your anger and using it as inspired action. Hell yes, hell yes. Because here's the thing Anger is not the villain, it is the doorway into clarity, because for so many of us, it's the only emotion that finally cuts through all of the confusion, all the gaslighting, all the guilt, all the shame, all the bullshit. It's the voice that says enough, I'm done, I'm ready to walk away forever. I'm done, I'm ready to walk away forever. And when you channel that anger, this is when your story changes. That's when exits happen. Farrah didn't just walk away. She walked home to herself, to her own voice, to her joy.
Speaker 1:And this closing part we're not broken, we are whole. We have superpowers. As domestic violence survivors and even victims, I want you to know hear me now we are not too damaged to start over. You're not too far gone, you're not too late. And when you leave, you are finally stepping into the strongest version of yourself, and I know what that feels like. You're like, I'm so exhausted, I don't want to be strong anymore. But I promise you, this kind of strength feels completely different than the strength that you need to fight the war that you're in at home. So make that poster, hang it up on your wall, make it your phone background, tattoo it on your fucking body if you need to Imagine their face when they realize they didn't break you, because they didn't and they never fucking will. I don't know about you, but I'm walking away from this conversation with my shoulders a little straighter, my voice a little bit louder and my belief in healing a whole lot deeper. Farrah girl, thank you for showing us what it looks like to rise and to stay soft. You are proof that we are not broken. We are whole. We're just rearranging the pieces and making art out of the mess.
Speaker 1:And if you felt seen in today's episode, be sure to check out the show notes where, sorry, you will find Farrah's info in the links to follow her journey. And also I have to shout out my bestie Alex at Narc Survivor Advocate on TikTok and on Instagram. She's the one who introduced Farrah to Dismissed True Stories Sarah, two dismissed true stories and she's been doing powerhouse work every single day to help survivors prepare, protect and reclaim their lives in the family court system. So if you're not following her already, go do that. She's also a survivor, she is trauma-informed and she is a badass Also.
Speaker 1:This part is big. If this episode moved you, please, please. I have goosebumps asking you to do this because I always feel so awkward, but please take 60 seconds to rate the show five stars and share it with a friend or on social media. It's about visibility. It's about helping these stories find the victims who are still stuck, who need them. To find the survivors who are still on their healing journeys, who need to hear these stories and to feel validated in somebody else's words. This is the proof that life can be better right here. So thank you for being here, thank you for listening and remember the world is a better place because you are in it.
