Dismissed True Stories
Dismissed True Stories is a survivor-led podcast that dares to break the silence around domestic violence, emotional abuse, and toxic relationships. Each episode shares the raw, unfiltered realities of what abuse really looks like. From overlooked red flags to moments of escape, and everything in between.
Created by a survivor-turned-advocate with a broadcasting background, DTS is where stories once silenced are now spoken. Loudly, honestly, and without apology. We’re not here to sensationalize abuse; we’re here to humanize survivors.
You’ll hear from survivors finding their voices, families forever changed by loss, and organizations working to support healing and recovery. Sometimes, it’s one survivor passing the mic to another with a piece of advice that could change or.. save a life.
But DTS isn’t just about telling stories of survival. Each episode's commentary helps you decode your own story, make sense of your experiences, and see the patterns you might have missed while in survival mode.
The tone? Like talking with a trusted friend. No fluff. Just truth.
Whether you're navigating narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, or coercive control or you're in the process of rebuilding your self-worth and healing your trauma this space is for you.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is finally tell your own story.
Survivor-led. Heart-led. Truth-led.
#DismissedTrueStories | A podcast for survivors and victims, by survivors.
Dismissed True Stories
7 Steps To Finding Joy After Abuse
What happens after you've escaped abuse? When survival is no longer your only focus, how do you rediscover joy and truly come home to yourself? This deeply personal episode explores the challenging journey from merely existing to feeling alive again.
The path back to yourself isn't linear, but it follows recognizable patterns that can guide your healing journey. Through honest reflection on my own experiences, I share seven practical steps that helped me reconnect with my authentic self after domestic violence. From the surprising power of nature walks to the unexpected healing that came from a tequila and twerk class, this episode reveals how seemingly small steps can create profound transformation.
We explore the critical importance of honoring your intuition after years of being told what to think and feel. You'll discover practical techniques for quieting the mental noise that keeps you stuck, moving your body to release stored trauma, and identifying the activities that bring you into a flow state. Most importantly, you'll learn how finding community with other survivors can lift the invisible burden of shame and isolation.
The journey from victim to survivor to thriver involves countless pivots—each one bringing you closer to the person you're meant to be. Each time you follow what feels right, you reclaim pieces of yourself that abuse tried to steal. Whether you're just beginning your healing journey or you've been walking this path for years, remember that everything you need to heal already exists within you. You deserve not just to survive, but to experience genuine joy, connection, and purpose.
Join our survivor community by connecting through the Facebook group linked in the show notes. Your healing journey matters, and you don't have to walk it alone.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233 OR text begin to 88788
Join the Sisterhood! The Survivor Sisterhood
Come join our community of survivors who are looking to meet someone just like you! See the behind the scenes work that goes into the sisterhood non-profit business, discuss DTS episodes, and of course find your survivor sister.
🔗 Follow Along:
Ready to share your story? Send me an email with the main talking points of your experience and I'll reach out to book an interview.
dismissedtruestories@thesurvivorsisterhood.com
Give DTS a 5 star rating! It helps this podcast reach other victims and survivors who NEED these stories! Help us find each other, help us heal, and help us find safety. Love you, mean it.
Hey girl, it's Elissa and welcome back to Dismissed True Stories. Dismissed True Stories is a podcast that not only amplifies survivor voices, but it also leaves advice for victims who are still stuck in abusive situations to be able to escape to. And not only that, I break in with sidebar commentary that helps you decode your your own experiences in real time. It's healing, it's validating, it's community, and I'm so freaking glad that you're here. Okay, so recently I've got a couple of videos that are doing really well on social media right now. So if this is your first time listening, welcome to Miss True Stories, or DTS as I sometimes call it. This podcast is a space for survivors, by survivors, and we are telling the stories here that some people would rather silence. We hold this space, we laugh, we cry, I swear a lot and we heal together, and I've been going round and round this week trying to decide what it is that I want to bring to you this week on DTS, and I've thrown out numerous ideas.
Speaker 1:And then the other night I was laying in bed. It was like midnight and I just sat straight up because I was like that's it. I literally had an aha moment and something that's been really heavy on my mind lately, but also like the theme of my life for this past year, is really coming back into my body, making sure that I'm taking care of myself, labeling the things that really make me happy as things that I'm allowed to do, and joy being something that isn't a foreign concept to me anymore. It's something that I'm allowed to experience and, by the way, this podcast is 100% part of my healing journey. I don't know that you realize how much you're healing me just by listening to me speak Communication after leaving abuse, for, like, I had to relearn how to have an entire conversation. I had to relearn how to make eye contact. I literally felt like a feral animal. I had to relearn how to take up space. That shit is hard and coming onto a podcast platform and being like, nope, I'm going to show up every week and I'm going to use my voice. That has been something that has made me stretch and grow and heal. So thank you so much for being here, but I'm going to stop talking about me now. So today it's just going to be me and you, because I want to talk about something really freaking personal.
Speaker 1:How do you find your joy again after abuse? How do you come home to yourself, because I know that that's what so many of us are actually searching for. We're not just trying to survive anymore, like we've already done that. We're trying to feel alive again. We're trying to find our spark, our spunk. We want to laugh until we cry. We want to be carefree, we want to put down the weight of abuse that we carry every day. So how in the hell do we do that? And I don't have a formula for this. Okay, like I'm not going to sit here and lie to you, I don't think that there is one way to do this, but I can tell you what it's looked like for me.
Speaker 1:So let's get into chapters, something that will be easy for you to remember. So, if you're taking notes which hell yeah, girl, if you are, I'm proud of you I would say step one get out of your house, even if that's like your comfort space. Do something that gets you out, gets you about and it's just a little bit different from your normal every day. So one of the first things that I did when I left abuse was I started walking, and the thing is is that I think and I don't want to get all woo-woo on you, but I think that we do live on this planet for a reason, and I really do believe that there are healing things about nature. I mean, we're part of it and sometimes I think we really just need to go back to something that reminds us of who we are, of what we are, a part of what we are, a part of it's grounding, it's regulating, it helps you reclaim your nervous system in a way that nothing else can. And I've shared with you before that I have PTSD and I do have flashbacks, and I have flashbacks a couple of months out of every year, and it's the same couple of months every year.
Speaker 1:And when I first started having these flashbacks, girl, I did not trust myself. I did not trust my brain. I didn't want to go into public. I was so scared that I was going to have a flashback and freak out in front of other people. So I stayed home and I spiraled and I fell into a deep ass depression. I had suicidal thoughts. I didn't feel like I had a reason to get out of bed. I was scared of myself because to me I was like how can I start seeing something that I don't remember? How in the hell does that happen? So I had to dig my way out of this hole and I started walking my dog just at a little trail near my house and every single morning I would go out there and I would see deer all along the trail. I would count them and I would say good morning, good morning babies, to the deer, to the birds and even sometimes to the spiders, no lie. And eventually the deer became the thing that I would look forward to in the morning and I think if I don't see a deer today, it's not going to be a good day. Like granted, I was already in a pretty low place so, but there was something about being that close to these animals. It just healed a little bit of me. It was the peace and the quiet that I needed and I did not allow myself to be a part of any other world except for that world and that park on that trail.
Speaker 1:Step two shut out the noise. Learn how to honor your intuition, your gut feelings. It's there for a reason. Use it, babe. I wasn't on my phone. I put my phone on, do not disturb. I wasn't listening to music, I was listening to the birds and I was just there with me and my dog and nature and the animals. And that's the first step, I think, the part of survivorship that allows you to come back home to yourself, that says, okay, it's safe to be in my body again, come home. And I don't think that you can do that if you're drowning out your own voice. You can do that if you're drowning out your own voice.
Speaker 1:We were groomed to ignore our intuition, our own thoughts, our own feelings and abuse. We were told what to think, who to be, how to act, how to dress. But, girl, it's still there. We're multi-dimensional beings. We are made up, there are so many different parts of us. And that's just one part. Think about it as if, like you, went and did leg day at the gym a couple of days a week, you would have some pretty damn strong legs. Right, because you've been working on that muscle, you know how to flex that muscle. Right, because you've been working on that muscle, you know how to flex that muscle. So, listening to yourself and your intuition, you just have to flex that muscle, babe.
Speaker 1:Step three, I would say give your thoughts a place to live other than in your mind. This next part is I mean, I think about my own experiences and I have to laugh because it is pretty funny the way that I was able to figure this out. But you got to get out of your head All those thoughts that you're carrying. They're heavy and they need somewhere else to live, not in your head. Okay, give them someplace else to live. So what does that look like? Maybe it's journaling, maybe it's video diaries my personal favorite Maybe it's therapy, but you've got to get them out of your head and give them a place to live that isn't inside you.
Speaker 1:If you need to write down all of the random shit, you know what I did. I, at the advice of my therapist, got a whiteboard, moved it into my room and it's called the parking lot, and all the random things that are up in my noggin, yeah, they go in the parking lot and they stay there until I decide to do something with them. A lot of them are ideas. Some things are just things that I gotta you know, I gotta let them go. Because, getting to the point of having a thought, realizing that it is a thought and then also taking the next step to say you know what, if my thoughts are passing cars on a highway, I can either hitchhike and get in the car with this motherfucker, or I can just let it drive by me, buckle it up and let it go beep, beep. And that's what you got to do. And I realized that that is so much easier said than done. Like, hear me out, I was not able to do that because I was so in my head until I got on the right kind of medication, and that in and of itself was a five-year process of me advocating for myself. But I finally did it and it did quiet my brain. So maybe make a mental note there, talk to your doctor, talk to your therapist, see what you can do there.
Speaker 1:I am 100% an advocate for holistic healing. I tried every holistic avenue that I could and I still felt like there was something missing and I went the medication route. And you know what? I do not regret one single day that I did that. Just use it responsibly. Step four move your body. Whether that's dancing or working out, hiking, bicycling, just remember that the body keeps the score and it's your job to literally shake that shit off. You gotta move. Our body keeps the score. It's not just the mental health aspect of healing that we have to worry about when it comes to healing abuse. It's the fact that our body remembers too, and a lot of the times our body remembers things that our mind might not like. In my case, you got to let it out of your body too, and for me that was shaking my ass, literally.
Speaker 1:I took a twerking class. I was telling my therapist the first session ever with this woman. I come in with my little fidget toys because I don't want to cry, because this is the first time her and I have ever met and I know I'm going to be embarrassing and I know I'm going to cry. So I'm trying my best, right, I'm keeping my hands busy with my little fidgets and all the things. And I was being honest with her Like I'm having suicidal thoughts. I am so low I can't like every day is the same thing, I can't get out of this. And she goes straight shooter. Thank God for her, because this is what I needed to hear. She said well, no wonder you're depressed, you're stuck in your house. So what's one thing that you could do to get out of the house? And for whatever reason, I blurted out take a dance class which I immediately regretted, by the way and to that she said okay, that's your homework. Okay, that's your homework.
Speaker 1:So later on that night I open Instagram and I shit you not. The first thing that pops up in my feed is a tequila and twerk class for Christmas time. Drink tequila, come twerk, dress up as a Christmas character. And so I was like, holy shit, life is talking to me Like I might as well do it. And I did. And, girl, I looked like a fucking idiot. Okay, I made a fool of myself, I fell on my ass, but I felt good, I felt free, and I rode that high all the way home. And that same night I was like okay, I got to keep this going. I filled out an application to volunteer at my local DV shelter and they called me within 24 hours. So, no lie, twerking was a thing that started my advocacy journey. I've literally never said that out loud before, but it's so true. In that one ridiculous class it changed my life. It was the first time that I moved for me and it reminded me that my body is mine and I deserve joy too.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to ask you the question that my therapist asked me what is one thing that you can do? Step five this is a difficult one, but giving yourself permission and grace to pivot enough times to really find the things that bring you joy and giving yourself permission to do those things over and over and over again. The next thing is rediscovering what makes you happy, or maybe finding out for the first time hell, girl, I am not one to judge you, do you boo boo? And in finding out those things that make you happy, even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else, you know what? One of the most ridiculous things I did was decorate a tree. I was like why is the only tree that we decorate the Christmas tree? It doesn't make sense. Like I have one of my favorite trees ever in my backyard. Like why can't I go decorate that? And you know what I did and I loved it and it didn't make sense to anybody else. But you know what? It made me happy. Every time I look at it still to this day, I'm happy about it. It makes me smile.
Speaker 1:So for me, where I started was. I went back to who I was as a kid. Okay, like I loved dancing, always have I loved fashion and, to be honest with you, the fashion piece. I was so bullied for that in my school and I was made fun of for being sensitive, like those two things about me. I look at now and I'm like, okay, I use fashion as a self of expression and I cry with people for a living. Now I get to hold space with someone because I'm an emotionally intelligent individual and not because I'm too sensitive, dang.
Speaker 1:So maybe the places where people made fun of you or the things that you were bullied for, or the things that people didn't quite understand about you, maybe those are the things. Maybe those are the things that really do bring you joy. Maybe those are your superpowers do bring you joy. Maybe those are your superpowers, those things that bring you joy. That's your flow state. It's literally like meditation. It's when your creativity, it's when your expression just flows. Painting For me, this podcast, this podcast is my flow state.
Speaker 1:I used to say radio was in my blood, and maybe it was, or maybe maybe I just wanted to be heard. My mom hosted Miss Ohio pageants. My dad was a DJ, so I thought this is just a natural path for me. I don't know what my personal answer is, but I do know that when I'm behind this mic, I am home, and that's what I want for you to go find that fucking thing, whether it's painting, whether it's running, whether it's baking or literally collecting rocks, if that brings you home to yourself, if you can escape the world and be in that one thing that makes you feel like you, baby girl, that's healing and that's what you do. You follow that Step six, find your community. Follow that Step six, find your community. When people ask you how you're doing, be honest. Domestic violence isn't something to feel shame about, even though I know we all do but your support and your community is going to come from the most unexpected places and faces.
Speaker 1:I want to talk about how finding community helped me do an entire one freaking 80 in my healing journey and I'm not being dramatic because damn, feeling seen and heard and validated, that was something that I hadn't really experienced outside of therapy and that is the entire reason, honestly, that I started sharing my story, because when you realize that you're not alone, it does miracles for your healing, for your self-image. It's like the survivor who I found, who I was lucky enough to bond with and talk to. She took the boulders off of my shoulders and said let me help you put this down. You don't have to carry this anymore. And the thing is is that it came from someone totally unexpected, somebody that I'd known for years, somebody that I had never been extremely close with. It's like when you find that somebody that's ready to talk, like you are, that's ready to meet you where you're at, that's ready to talk about the healing journey and everything that you've experienced and be candid about it and to not feel bad and to say you know what? Yes, maybe I didn't experience exactly what you did, but I totally understand that you're not crazy, that they were shitty, that you didn't deserve it, that your burden is my blessing After that whole experience her name is Brandy. After that whole experience with Brandy, I mean, she's still, to this day, one of my best friends I couldn't just not advocate, I couldn't just not start something that helps other survivors feel seen and heard and validated, because there've been so many steps to my healing journey right, but I wanted to create what I needed and that's why I created the Sisterhood for one.
Speaker 1:If you've listened to a couple of episodes of DTS, then you've heard me talk about the survivor sisterhood Facebook group. That's what that's for Just to have another survivor sister to walk alongside your journey with. And I do my absolute best to connect women who have either been through some of the same things or are choosing to heal in the same ways. The link to the Facebook group is always in the show notes. If you're ready for that, no pressure. If you weren't, okay, I left in 2019, so I've been doing this healing thing for a couple of years. I needed a guide and I didn't have one, so I hope that's what this podcast is for you. I hope that DTS is helping you the way that Brandy helped me.
Speaker 1:And step seven the power of the pivot Giving yourself permission to really lean into what feels good and trusting when you think that life is talking to you, go, follow the things that feel right. Honor your intuition. All of these steps are coming together for this final step. Step seven allow yourself to pivot. Give yourself your second mountain. You deserve that. My last notes here is giving you permission to pivot and you being able to give yourself permission to pivot, because it's going to happen a lot. I've pivoted more times than I can count.
Speaker 1:Okay, when I first left abuse just like from a career standpoint, I'll take you on a little journey. Okay, when I first left abuse, I was cleaning Airbnbs and I, honestly, I loved it. It was so great Full transparency. I loved it for a multitude of reasons. I could bring my son. I didn't have to pay for childcare, I couldn't afford it anyway. There's TVs, so I could bring a couple of his toys, I could plop them down in front of a TV and I could do my thing. Um, another reason was because, um, in the very beginning, I did not have a place to shower, so I could do that there. Um, a third reason was because, um, a lot of people who stay at Airbnbs, they go grocery shopping and they would leave their groceries in the fridge and I would collect those and take those home. That's how I was feeding my child and I. And the last reason is because I could put my AirPods in and I could listen to music and I could shake off the literal shit, the years of shit that I had been through, and it felt so good.
Speaker 1:And then I ended up leaving cleaning and becoming a customer service rep for that rental arbitrage company that I was cleaning for, and I did that for a year and a half. But there was something about using my voice, like getting back into the broadcast industry or just doing something with my voice. That kept, I don't know. It just kept like. I felt like it was poking me all the time. It was like, girl, you've got like wasted potential, you've got like wasted potential. So I left that and I started voice acting and I loved it. I did books, I did commercials, I did explainer tutorials and while it was fun and it was great and I was reminded that I do have talent, I wasn't fulfilled. It didn't feel right.
Speaker 1:And so then I was asked by a domestic violence shelter to voice a fundraising video for them. To voice a fundraising video for them, a voice over opportunity. But in domestic violence, hell yes, I don't even care how much you're going to pay me, I'm going to do it. And so I did that. They invited me to their fundraiser. They raised I think it was like $80,000 in one night and I was like, wait, I want to be here, like I want to keep being in these spaces. I talked to them a little bit more, shared my story. They invited me back to give a speech. I followed that. I gave my speech. It felt so good.
Speaker 1:Then I joined a coaching collective and I was like, okay, I want to help survivors of domestic violence, I want to help them heal. I did that for a year and then I was like, wait, I don't think I'm healed enough to do this. I left that and through all of the ups and the downs and the twists and the turns and the things that felt right at the time, but then I realized that I just had grown out of them, I found my way here to this podcast and I'm telling you I'm not tired of it. Yet I wake up excited. I love doing this. How many more times can I tell you that being behind this microphone feels like home? Because it does. And every time I pivoted I got closer to the woman that I'm meant to be, the woman who isn't afraid to take up space, the woman who isn't afraid to walk through her front door anymore. She's not coming home to abuse. She's coming home to a safe place where her dreams can flourish, where she can actually dream again. How many times, since you left abuse, have you sat and looked around your environment and said I'm safe, I'm free? I never thought I would be here. Life talks to you. I swear it does.
Speaker 1:You just have to learn how to listen to it. You just have to be okay with the power of the pivot. How to listen to it. You just have to be okay with the power of the pivot, lean into whatever it is that feels right. Give yourself permission to change and to grow and to evolve. You've been through it, but everything that you need to heal and to pivot, that's already inside you. You already possess that power, every single piece of it, and I guess that's a wrap on this episode of Dismissed True Stories.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening, thank you for supporting. Oh wow, I know I say that every episode, but I really do truly mean it and I referenced a couple of times in this episode alone that you really are healing me. Thank you for being a part of my healing journey, because every time that you listen, I know that there might be a story that validates your own experience. I may give some sort of commentary that helps you have your own aha moment and decode your own story and experience. We're helping each other. You listening to me, you streaming DTS, you're healing a part of me that I lost in abuse. Every single time. So thank you so much every single time. So thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Now, next week, on Dismissed True Stories, I've got a little surprise for you. I'm going to update you on some pretty exciting news for DTS and open up about some things that I'm doing personally in a community in Buckeye Lake, ohio. So you won't want to miss that Tune in next week on Dismissed True Stories and I know that I ask you every week. But if you have 30 seconds, please share this podcast. It helps the message get out to the victims and survivors who really need this podcast. It helps women who are still stuck be able to leave and it helps survivors heal. Rate the podcast five stars. Help push it out into the world and remember the world is a better place because you are in it. Thank you.
