Dismissed True Stories

The Cost Of Survival Ep 3

• The Survivor Sisterhood • Season 3 • Episode 3

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The house was empty, the texts unanswered, and the silence said everything. After exposing a devastating betrayal—her husband’s affair with her mother—Sarah tried to rebuild the “right” way: a prepaid year of rent, a steady job, a car, and a simple plan to co‑parent. What followed maps the hidden terrain many survivors know too well: when direct control ends, post‑separation abuse slips into new uniforms—rumors, court filings, custody leverage, and a “civil matter” that keeps you paying to be heard.

We walk through the playbook. A smear from someone tied to law enforcement turns gossip into “fact.” A protection order becomes a wall between a mother and her children. Each court date bleeds savings. Each knock on a family door goes ignored. Then a single workplace policy violation triggers job loss; the title loan eats the car after a breakdown; rent runs out. Hunger narrows choices until the only option left is the one most people don’t want to understand: survival sex framed as a last, painful way to afford a lawyer and claw back access to her kids. It’s not glamour. It’s the economics of trauma meeting the bureaucracy of custody.

We also name the psychology underneath. When lies come from the people who raised and married you, red flags blur; danger can feel like care. Sarah’s clarity grows as she traces gaslighting, coercive control, and the difference between discipline and abuse. Along the way, we offer language for what’s happening—post‑separation abuse, systems abuse, reputational harm—so listeners can spot it in their lives and communities. And we point to concrete supports: hotlines, documentation, trauma‑informed strategy, and a verified GoFundMe to help Sarah secure safety as her former abuser nears release.

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All sound and music courtesy of Epidemic Sound

SPEAKER_03:

This episode contains discussions of domestic violence, homelessness, sexual exploitation, and survival sex. Listener discretion is strongly advised. These stories shared in this episode are told from the first-hand perspective of a survivor. Some details have been changed or omitted to protect the safety and privacy of those involved. This podcast does not condone or promote illegal activity of any kind. Any mention of survival sex, sex work, or criminalized behavior is presented solely for the purpose of understanding trauma, systematic failure, and the complex realities survivors face when navigating abuse and poverty. Our goal is to never sensationalize these experiences, but to shed light on the difficult choices people are often forced to make when every system has failed them. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse or exploitation, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. That's 7233. Or text START to 8878. You can also reach the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-800-373-7888, or text HELP to 233-733. Both are free, confidential, and available 24-7. Dismiss True Stories is an independent documentary podcast created to educate, empower, and advocate for survivors of domestic violence and coercive control. Thank you so much for coming back and continuing to support Sarah and her fight for freedom and safety. So, just to quick recap what you heard last week, we learned how Sarah's world came crashing down when she discovered that the two people that she thought she could trust the most, that she was closest to her husband and her mother, were having an affair. What began as a suspicion turned into a devastating truth when she uncovered by accident their lives and their deceit. When Sarah confronted them, of course, they denied it. They gaslit her, they made her question her own sanity because they can't continue what they're doing if she's not confused about it, right? And the betrayal didn't just end her marriage, it fractured her family and her sense of safety all over again. And this episode picks up in the aftermath of that discovery. When Sarah is trying to rebuild, trying to stand on her own to create a life outside of all the chaos that she thought she had left behind. But of course, she soon finds out that even when the relationship ends, the abuse doesn't. It just changes form. And before we begin, just a quick note. For safety reasons, some names and identifying details in this episode have been changed. These are not legal names that we're using in this episode. You'll also notice that parts of this interview, uh, it sounds a little different. So this was the very first conversation that Sarah and I recorded over the phone. So there is some background noise and some feedback that I couldn't completely remove. Believe me, I tried my best. Um I decided to keep it because what Sarah shares in this interview is powerful and deeply important to understanding her story. So I ask for your patience on the sound quality of this episode and for your grace for the weight of what we're about to unpack here. This episode includes discussions of domestic violence, homelessness, and sexual exploitation. Listener discretion is advised. Again, I'm Elissa, and this is Dismissed. True stories. The cost of survival.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I thought that that was gonna be the answer to my suffering. I thought that I was gonna be able to take that money. I did get my own place. I paid a year worth of rent up front. I bought a vehicle for myself. Um, it was paid off. I stocked up my house with groceries. I paid my utilities in advance. I did everything I could to budget that money to set myself up for success.

SPEAKER_03:

Did you feel like life was, you said you f it felt like freedom. Did you feel like your life was finally turning a corner? Like, yes, like I'm on the right path now.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely. Absolutely. Um, I had gotten a job as an assistant manager at a store in the mall. You know, I was just like, I'm gonna be able to figure this out. I can be independent, I can make it work.

SPEAKER_03:

And did anyone around you support this newsstart, or were you building over completely from scratch?

SPEAKER_02:

Completely from scratch. I really didn't have anybody at that time.

SPEAKER_03:

And you mentioned trying to co-parent peacefully. What were those first few months like before things just like truly unraveled?

SPEAKER_02:

He was begging me to go to marriage counseling with him. He kept saying we can work it out, we can figure it out. And I was like, you know, there there's really no coming back from you having an affair with my mom for years and you know, before, during, and after my second second pregnancy, it was like, no, there's no recovering from that. It wasn't just some girl, it wasn't somebody that he knew from his past. Your mom. It was my mom. So there was really no getting over that for me.

SPEAKER_03:

When you ended things with him, did you also end things with your mom?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So initially I told her, like, you're dead to me, you're never gonna see my kids again. We are done here, there's nothing to discuss. Um, I'm moving on and I don't want you in my life at all. And um, I thought I was gonna be able to figure everything out on my own. I purposely moved just 10 minutes away from where Freddy and I were living at the time because I thought the closer that I was, that the easier it would be to co-parent. During the summer, we did fine with the co-parenting. We were able to work things out when the school year started to roll around. That's when I said, you know, I really think the kids should go to school from my address because, you know, I have to work full-time now to support myself. You know, I'm trying to work mainly during school hours. So mornings and evenings are really gonna be the only time that I'm gonna be available to spend with the kids because I have to work. And at the time he was getting disability, he got injured um in the line of duty and he had to have back surgery. So he was staying at home full time and he was getting a disability check every month. You know, I was like, we can definitely figure this out. Like, even if you do want to pick them up from school and keep them overnight, I'm fine. We can we can flip-flop back and forth, we can make it work. You know, I'm not trying to keep you from the kids. I don't want to have any arguments. Like, we can be adults and we can figure it out. And he said, No, the kids need to go to school for my address. And I'm like, Well, why? You you're at home all day, every day. Like, that's gonna make it incredibly difficult for me to get any time with the kids. So why don't you why don't you think that they should go to school for my address? And he's like, Well, I just I I'm just not gonna let that happen. It was one day that I was supposed to go pick up the kids, so I drove over to the duplex that he was living in that we were living in together previously, and I knocked on the door and nobody answered. And so I looked through the window and it was completely empty. And he just stopped answering my phone calls, wouldn't respond to any of my text messages. I had no idea where they were.

SPEAKER_03:

Can you walk me through that day though, when you're looking in the windows and there's nothing there?

SPEAKER_02:

I mean, I'm just heartbroken, confused, scared, a lot of things. Angry, just very, very upset.

SPEAKER_03:

Were you were you like calling him on repeat? Did you show up to his mom's? I did file a report. All of the things.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, all of the things. All the things.

SPEAKER_03:

Um the police worked for that in the police department.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. He definitely used that to his advantage, of course. And you know, every time that I called the police on him, they would say, Well, ma'am, it's a civil issue. You're gonna have to take him back to court. That was just a two-year nightmare of back and forth, back and forth, back and forth to court. He was literally as difficult as he could possibly be.

SPEAKER_03:

When Sarah showed up to that duplex and found it completely empty, it wasn't just the silence that hit her. It was a realization that her abuser had found a brand new way to hurt her. This is what is called post-separation abuse. And it's what happens when an abuser can no longer control you directly. So they find new ways to do it through your children, your finances, your reputation, or even the legal system itself. He had started telling everyone that Sarah was a drug addict, a lie that spread fast in a small town, especially when it came from someone who worked inside the police department. Even his own mother believed him. And then he weaponized the system. He used the courts as another form of abuse, filing a protection order to keep Sarah away from her own kids, dragging her through hearings that she could barely afford, knowing each appearance would drain her a little more. This kind of abuse doesn't stop when you leave, it just changes form. It puts on a badge, it hides behind paperwork. It tells the world that it's protecting the children when really it's protecting control.

SPEAKER_02:

He told her that I was the one who left and I abandoned the kids. I left him with the kids because you know, a financially stable ex-wife with stable plans really didn't fit into his poor me victim mentality. Yes, absolutely. So um, you know, he convinced everybody that I was on drugs and I ran off, I disappeared, I didn't care about the kids, I abandoned them completely. His family believed it. I still didn't know where he lived or what was going on with the kids. The only thing that I knew to do was to just constantly show up at his mother's house and I would show up, I would bet knock on the door, I would beg at the door, please let me know that you know that my kids are okay. Please let me know that they're safe. Please let me know that they are being taken care of. I haven't seen them in days or weeks or months. How you know, uh, each time I arrived at the house, I knew she was home and she would not answer the door. Or if she did answer the door, she would tell me to get off drugs and get my life together. I'm leaving clothes and shoes for my kids, toys, books, groceries, even. I'm literally doing everything I can to make sure that I'm still supporting them in some sort of way, even with no communication, even with no way of knowing how they were actually doing, where they were staying, what they were living through. It was one of the hardest times of my life.

SPEAKER_03:

Did you have anyone, like friends, neighbors, or even just like one police officer who was willing to help you look for your kids?

SPEAKER_02:

No. It was just me.

SPEAKER_03:

And what was keeping you going through like that time that you weren't?

SPEAKER_02:

My kids. Just the fact that I wanted them back so bad and that I wasn't sure how well they were being taken care of or what was going on with with his whole situation. I just knew that he was abusive.

SPEAKER_03:

He was abusive how? Because I don't believe that that we've touched on that yet.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, there was several times where, you know, how kids like act out or have a temper tantrum or whatever, he would try to spank him. There was one time that he was spanking him, and my son was like, he wasn't gonna calm down and he wasn't gonna stop throwing a fit because he wasn't getting his way. Being beaten for it wasn't helping the situation at all. Like he still felt the same way that he felt. I'm not sure. It's been so long. I can't even remember what he was upset about. You know, Freddie just kept hitting him and kept hitting him, and I'm like, you're just abusing him at this point because doing anything, like it's not working. You're not disciplining him, you're just beating him. I was worried about them a lot. It turns out I had very good reason to be worried. Um, because found out later that they were abused a lot during that time frame where I was not able to see them mentally, emotionally, physically. It was pretty bad. It was pretty bad.

SPEAKER_03:

My heart breaks for Sarah for a million different reasons, but right here, it does seem like she's doing everything right. She had finally caught in a break, an inheritance from her grandfather that she poured into a brand new start, a brand new life. She paid her rent a year in advance, she stocked her pantry, she bought a car. She was being responsible and hopeful even. But sometimes for women leaving abuse, there always seems to be those strings attached to good fortune, you know, like stability doesn't really stick when you're fighting an entire system that is built to discredit you. Because while she was budgeting and rebuilding, her ex was quietly draining her, using the courts to bleed out every dollar that she had left, using rumors to make her look unfit, and using their children as leverage to keep control. And in the middle of all of it, Sarah was alone. She was surrounded by people who had already decided what kind of woman she was, but not one person willing to ask if that was true. This pattern in Sarah's life kept repeating. Every time she reached for peace, it slipped through her fingers. And this time, that fall would cost her everything that she'd worked to rebuild.

SPEAKER_02:

So when I had received that inheritance, like I said, I paid a year worth of rent up front, I purchased a vehicle, I paid my bills up, I had gotten a new job. I ended up getting fired from my job at the mall because we had a shoplifter in the store. I didn't like follow them out of the store into the mall, but I was standing outside of the store doors because I was on the phone with mall security and I was trying to give them a description of what this person looked like, what they were wearing, et cetera, et cetera. Just trying to do my job and make sure that this person who was stealing was caught. Well, when my boss found out what happened, I was immediately fired for leaving the threshold of the store because I was the only manager on duty, and that was against their policy. So I lost my job. I only had like a couple more months of rent that was paid in advance. And now I had no income. I tried to find other employment and I was really struggling. So eventually the rent ran out and I became homeless. I went and got a title loan on my car, desperate for money. Shortly after I got the title loan, the transmission and the vehicle went out and it was stranded on the side of the highway. So uh the title loan company called me and they were like, Hey, we noticed you were behind on your payments and just call in to check in and see what's going on. And I explained, you know, I lost my job and now the transmission in the car went out. It's stuck on the side of the highway. I can't even afford to get it towed. I can't afford to fix it. I can't afford to pay the title loan. I really don't know what you want me to do at this point. So they said, well, if you surrender the vehicle, then we'll just call it even. So I surrendered the vehicle and I was homeless, living out of a suitcase, taking public transportation to get around town.

SPEAKER_03:

After losing your job, did you have anyone at all?

SPEAKER_02:

I was dating one guy, but he was not great for me. He wanted to drink and party a lot and things like that. And when I lost my job and I wasn't seeing the kids anymore, then I kind of fell into drinking and doing drugs with him and just wanting to escape those hard feelings. It's like having your heart ripped out of your chest, being expected to just keep moving and keep going with no idea how to navigate things.

SPEAKER_03:

After that, that's what I was wondering. Is is during this time after you lost your job, were you actively looking for any other jobs? I was.

SPEAKER_02:

I was. I'm a little too honest, I suppose, you know, because people would ask, Well, what made you leave your last job? And it's like, Well, I got fired for trying to do my job. I didn't know what else to say, you know. I I didn't have any good excuses for why I would not be in that position anymore. So I was honest and then nobody wanted to hire me because of it.

SPEAKER_03:

Okay, so what about that guy? When you started to lose everything, did he just disappear?

SPEAKER_02:

No, he stayed. Um things got really bad where like I didn't even have toilet paper, I didn't have hot water, uh, we didn't have groceries, things got bad. We were going without food. We were just really desperate. We started stealing to survive. We ended up getting arrested together. I called my mom and my aunt from jail and you know, explained I got arrested for stealing because I was hungry. They said, Well, you made your bed, so you have to lie in it. That was incredibly hurtful for me because your mother made your bed. But that's what narcissists do. They project all the blame onto you and gaslight you into believing that it's your fault.

SPEAKER_03:

She didn't even raise you, Sara Sarah. She pushed you to the side and expected you to figure out life without anyone showing you the way. And then she turns around and blames you for not knowing when she never did her job as a mother to prepare you for life outside of her home.

SPEAKER_02:

And still to this day, she refuses to accept any kind of responsibility for any of that, continues to gaslight me into believing that she's been nothing but supportive and that she's always taking care of me. And it's taken a lot of years to learn myself and understand what I went through was abuse. When you're raised in abuse, and when you're raised in a situation where you're constantly being gaslit, you don't really understand that it's not normal because you've never lived life before. You don't realize that um these things are not healthy.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Until you're an adult and you go, oh wow, that was that was really wrong. So yeah, it's it's been a lot to deal with and a lot to process for a really long time.

SPEAKER_03:

By now, Sarah has done everything a person's supposed to do to rebuild. She's worked, she's budgeted, she's asked for help, and still every door keeps slamming shut. She's hungry, she's homeless, she's been arrested for stealing food just to eat, just to fill her belly. And when she called home from jail, her mother told her, You made your bed, now lie in it. But Sarah didn't make her bed, it was built for her by the people who were supposed to protect her, by the systems that had failed her, and by a mother who taught her that love had conditions. So by the time she got out, she wasn't just broke, she was broken. And when someone finally offered her what looked like a way out, she took it. Because when the world refuses to see your humanity, you start doing whatever it takes to survive.

SPEAKER_02:

During my season of desperation and homelessness and being arrested for stealing food and things like that, all that mattered to me was getting my kids back by any means necessary. And I struggled to find employment. I was struggling with hunger, lack of resources, lack of support. I'm tired of being hungry. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of not knowing where my kids are at, tired of not knowing if they're okay. I need income coming in because I had spent the last of my inheritance on a lawyer already. After I became homeless, he was like, Well, we can't move forward until you pay some more of the retainer that you owe. So everything was on hold with my custody situation until I could come up with the funds. So I did what I had to do. I ended up turning to sex work to support myself. Initially, I had met a girl. She had asked me if I would ever consider it. And I was like, you know, at this point, I might just do just about anything.

SPEAKER_01:

It's not though that definitely wasn't my dream job, or uh something I thought, yeah, I can't wait to grow up and be a prostitute. Like it list. Yeah. Definitely was not the plan. But again, being homeless, staying from place to place, not being able to shower daily, having to sleep on the floor pretty often, not having money for feminine products, for toiletries, and being hungry and getting in put in jail for stealing food to try to eat. So, yeah, it was really desperation and an unwillingness to give up, if you will. I was not prepared to say that, you know, okay, I'm unstable, maybe I don't deserve my kids. I never believed that. I believe I had to do whatever I had to do to get them back. So I met a lady named and she asked me, you know, have you ever considered this? And I said you know, but um she's like, I know you know several girls. I have a few different girls that worked for me, and I have a clientele of different men, and you know, I can take pictures of you and send it out to some of these gentlemen and see what they have to say. So she took pictures of me and she sent it out, and she started setting up a screen. I think the first one was probably the worst as far as just feeling very low and disgusting and degraded.

SPEAKER_03:

Sarah's first experience wasn't empowering, it wasn't glamorous, it was survival, and it was brutal. She said the man that she met that night was high, he was very unpredictable, and he ignored every boundary that she tried to set. And this is part of the story that rarely gets told when a woman who was already stripped of her choices is forced to trade what's left just to stay alive. Zoro wasn't chasing pleasure or rebellion or even fast money. She was chasing her kids. The only thing that has ever kept her moving forward.

SPEAKER_00:

He was sweaty, he was stinky, he was disgusting, it was it was just awful.

SPEAKER_01:

Um most of the experiences that I had were great, um to be honest. So I during that time frame, I mean he was like doing everything. You know, um I know my replay detector was broken a long time ago, but at the time I thought, wow, he's great, he's a character, he's so nice, he's so understanding, and we really started behind and build a connection and I got to a point where I was like, if we're gonna be serious, then I need to tell you the truth about something. And uh, and I told him I don't want to be in this position, I don't want to do this, I'm not proud of it, I'm not happy doing it. However, I've been starving, I've had nowhere to live, I have you know, I've been begging for help. I've I've I don't know what else to do, but I have got to get money for my lawyer and get my life together so that I can get back on my feet. And he says, Well, you know, I know a few women who've used this website.

SPEAKER_03:

I've decided to not name the website mentioned here to protect privacy and to avoid promoting the platform itself. What matters here isn't where Sarah ended up, it's why she felt that she had no other choice. And just a quick reminder that as this episode releases, Sarah's former abuser and ex is just weeks away from being released from prison. He's already made public statements that he intends to find her. So if you want to help Sarah reach safety, you can donate directly through her verified GoFundMe. The link is in the show notes for this episode. And every share, every dollar, every act of support matters. And next week, Sarah opens up about what came next. The relationship that followed. A man for a moment who felt like safety until the first time he put hands on her. She told me, I understand now that my red flag detector was broken. And in episode four, we'll unpack how trauma shapes the kind of love that we accept and what it takes to finally start recognizing danger for what it is. All right, I'll talk to you next week and cue my outro. I'm Elissa, and this is Dismissed True Stories. Season three continues next week. But before you go, I have two quick asks. If this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone who needs to hear Sarah's story. Because you never know who might feel less alone because of it. And I would love to hear from you too. I've set up a voicemail where you can call and share your opinions on this season. Call 1-844-TELL-DTS. Your voice may even be featured in a future episode of Dismissed True Stories. That's 1-844-TELLL D T S. Together, we're breaking the silence. One episode, one sentence, and one story at a time.

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