Dismissed True Stories

He Held Her At Knife Point Then Made Her Cuddle Ep 5

• The Survivor Sisterhood • Season 3 • Episode 5

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A fairy-tale start can hide a nightmare ending. Sarah thought she’d finally found steady ground: years of affection, travel across the U.S., a partner who bonded with her son and promised a safe future. Then pregnancy exposed the truth. The first assault wasn’t a warning—it was a line crossed, followed by contempt during a traumatic C‑section and a campaign to control her through access, threats, and the legal system’s delays.

We walk through the moments most people never hear: the lock changes that say you don’t live here anymore, belongings stacked like trash to humiliate, and the marks of control that appear after every move. There’s an RV bought by an unexpected ally, seven relocations, and hearts drawn in dust to remind her that hiding isn’t the same as safety. When a calm custody exchange lured her back for “one civil night,” it turned into hours of violence, strangulation, and a knife to the skin—followed by crocodile tears and a fake future meant to reset the cycle. She agreed to everything to survive the night, then chose action at first light, even as officials told her to wait weeks.

We don’t sanitize the fear or the system’s failures. We name the tactics—love bombing, isolation, strangulation, future faking—and call out how often abuse escalates during pregnancy. We also center what matters most right now: Sarah is days from losing housing and weeks from her abuser’s release. Shelters are full. The clock is loud. If you’ve ever wondered what tangible support looks like, this is it: sharing her story, contributing to relocation, and refusing to let indifference be the last word.

Listen, learn, and help Sarah get to safety. If this moved you, subscribe, share the episode with a friend, and leave a review—your voice helps more survivors find the lifelines they need.

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SPEAKER_00:

This episode of Dismissed True Stories contains discussions of domestic violence, strangulation, threats with a weapon, and threats of homicide. Listener discretion is strongly advised. The stories shared here are told from the firsthand perspective of a survivor. Some details have been changed or omitted to protect the safety and privacy of those involved. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, you are not alone. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. That's 1-800-799-7233. Or text DART to 88-788. I'm your host, Elissa, and thank you for coming back week after week to support Sarah's fight for safety and relocation. As we are all well aware that her ex is to be released from prison in just a few short weeks. So your listenership and your support mean so, so, so, so much. Now, before we dive back into Sarah's timeline, I want to catch you up on where she's at today because earlier this week we were on the phone and she told me that her mom had just given her the week prior a two-week notice that she was moving out of the apartment that they shared together and probably leaving this date. And that was it. She really didn't give much information. She wasn't willing to. There was no plan, no safety net, no conversation about what happens next. Just, hey, I'm leaving and good luck. And Sarah, she was like, okay, I've I've been here before. I know what this is like, but something about this feels different. Because she's not just surviving, she's preparing for what comes next. And as I'm reflecting on the conversation that we had, I'm like, maybe that's what scares me about this situation the most, because I do feel like her mom might be running away from something. But the fact is, and the truth is, that Sarah is still running for her life. And now in this episode, we get to share with you the real reason why. We get to tell you the story of the worst one, which that's what we've nicknamed this person for the purpose of this episode. This next chapter isn't about surviving on the outside, just in the world in general. It's about surviving someone who wanted to own her completely. I was talking to her about like our conversation that we had yesterday, and I was like, dude, I don't know why I'm surprised at any like new detail that comes to light, but this one really pissed me off because I do feel like she's just leaving her high and dry. And if you feel like it's appropriate or you want to give a little recap of what you told me yesterday, like what your situation looks like.

SPEAKER_01:

Um so she wants to be able to move out of our place by the first. You know, I've fully financially taken care of her for the last five years, but after losing my income in February and not really having any income since then, she is now tired of paying my bills, she doesn't want to be responsible for me, she doesn't want to take care of me, she just doesn't want to pay bills at all. She finally got to a point where she was like, all right, fine, I'm gonna get a job. And then she was acting all pissy and mad about it, like, well, I have to work because you won't. And it's like, it's not that I won't work. I've I've been applying for hundreds of jobs. I've been trying to do TikTok full time, I'm trying to do everything I can to promote my book. I'm I don't know what else you want me to do. I'm literally giving you all my effort.

SPEAKER_00:

You're just like, well, sorry. Yeah, after the first, you have nowhere to go, yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

And the shelters are still telling me that they're full, and they will call me if there's any openings, but as as of this time, there's no way for me to get into a shelter.

SPEAKER_00:

Now we're working together to kind of fundraise very last minute. We've been sharing your GoFundMe and the show notes of every episode. I do you did tell me that after the first episode premiered, you got an anonymous$500 donation, which is fucking incredible. That is gonna help so much. Thank you so much to whoever did that. Because holy shit, you're an angel, you're an earth angel.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00:

But now we're like, we were on the phone yesterday, kind of trying to brainstorm, like, okay, what now? Like, what are we gonna do? Um, I'm trying to fundraise for you on the side. Um, but our goal is we're getting you the hell out by Saturday. That's what's gonna happen. Exactly. You're gonna be okay.

SPEAKER_01:

It's all like so exciting and so stressful and so up and down, like I'm so hopeful, but still so scared and complicated how I feel.

SPEAKER_00:

Today though, we had said, okay, we're gonna meet and talk about I don't even know, like, what kind of name do we want to give him? The freaking big bad woof. Like that's who we're talking about today.

SPEAKER_01:

The worst one?

SPEAKER_00:

The worst one. That's a good name. The worst one. That's what we'll name him in this episode. Um it's like there's part of me because I already know so much about this relationship that I'm like, I don't even want to give him any kind of attention. But the people who are listening who are coming back week after week to you know, to learn more about you, to listen to your story, I know that we're gonna hear this. But I also know that this is a difficult conversation for you. So we'll tell what we can. And I guess I'll I'll set you up to begin. But you did meet him in those years that we had just talked about, where I had called it survival sex um in the past couple of episodes. You met him during that time. You had already been through boyfriend A, B, and C, and you had reached a point where you're like, I'm done. Like, I'm so sick and tired of being abused. I just I don't want to do this anymore. And then walks in the worst one. But but he's not the worst one for the first couple of years.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, I I thought my life was a fairy tale at that point. I was single for almost a year after boyfriend C. I had really just told myself, I'm gonna focus on me, I'm gonna focus on my kid, I'm going to focus on whatever's in our best interest. I don't need a man, I don't, I need to be single, I don't need a relationship, I just need to focus on us. He was a client at the time when I met him, and he continued to ask me, like, let me just take you on a real date. And I was like, uh I don't know about that. That doesn't seem like a good idea. Um, but he was persistent and he continued to ask. So our very first date was a week in Las Vegas.

SPEAKER_00:

He took you on the date of all dates.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. We got a rental car, we drove to LA, we went to Santa Monica Beach, Roscoe's chicken and waffles in Compton. We did the Hollywood strip. We were in LA for a night, and then we drove back to Vegas the next morning. We were staying at the Harris Casino there on the strip. It was just such a breath of fresh air. He was so different. He always told me, like, you can't judge me off of what other people did to you. Give me a chance. Let me show you that I can be what they weren't. Let me show you that I would never do what they did to you. For like the first four years, he was right. There was like we got in an argument once, and I kind of was testing him, like kind of getting in his face and blocking the door because he wanted to leave. And I was like standing in front of the door, and I was like, You're not leaving. I'm not letting you go. We needed to talk about this. And I was just kind of trying to see because you know, sometimes things change in the heat of the moment, and I was kind of trying to test him to see, like, are you still gonna be that same cool, level-headed, non-abusive? He was very controlled. One thing that a lot of people have told me over time is that narcissists usually wear the best masks, they are everything you want them to be, everything that you thought you dreamed of until a certain point, and then everything shifts. It's like they do the best job of convincing you that they are somebody that they're not.

SPEAKER_00:

And you were convinced. You were convinced for four years. Did you and you felt safe with him in those four years?

SPEAKER_01:

Absolutely. So I met him during the time frame that I was getting my kids back. I had partial custody. It was one instance where CPS called me and they were like, Hey, your son is at the hospital. We need you to come up here, get here as soon as you can. And I'm like, Oh my god, what happened? And they're like, Well, we can't tell you over the phone, just please get to the hospital as soon as you can. I'm sure as a mother you can understand that pit in your soul, like, oh my god, my kid is in the hospital. When I got to the hospital, my son had a hand-shaped bruise around his neck. His stepmother had choked him for not knowing how to tie his shoes. All of my kids have had speech delays, sensory issues, uh, they're all on the spectrum. So they're all special needs. At that time, my my son needed somebody to be understanding. He needed somebody to help him process things. And instead, he got cruelty, no compassion, no understanding, no patience. And so I met the worst one during that time frame, and he stood up to my ex-husband Freddie, and he was like, Your son is not coming back over here. If you want to see him, you can see him over here, but he is not going back to your house. I will not allow it. I'm gonna keep him safe. So he really bonded with my son. He taught him how to tie his shoes, he taught him how to ride a bike, he put him in ninja karate classes, taught him how to mow the yard, just really helped build up his self-confidence and helped give him a voice, help him find out what his interests were. And for so long, I was so proud of both of them. I was so happy for both of them. I was so happy to feel like, okay, I actually have somebody who really cares, really means what they say, and is really funny.

SPEAKER_00:

That shows them love when you can look out your window into the backyard and see them working together on a project or helping him mow the yard. There's a feeling there, the warm and fuzzies, the pride where you're so happy that your child is getting that kind of attention from another male figure.

SPEAKER_01:

We literally traveled all over the U.S. We started in Vegas and California. We went to Denver, we went to Texas, Branson, Missouri, Chicago, Philadelphia, New York. We traveled a lot and he paid for everything. He really stepped up in ways that I had never seen before. He was kind, he was compassionate, he was building this bond with my child, he was providing for us like nobody else ever had. His grandmother had given him a house and it needed a lot of work. So we started putting all of our money into rebuilding his house. When I met him, he obviously knew what I was doing because he was a client first. So he didn't have any problem or any judgment with it, but we were also trying to get me out of that line of work. Eventually, I got to a point where I was really just seeing one sugar daddy. He never made me do anything. He literally would pay me$300 an hour to go to his house and just hang out with him. And then the hour would be up, and he would say, Oh no, no, no, no, you can't go. I need another hour. And then the hour would be up, okay. Well, let me pay you for two more hours. Okay, let me pay you for three more hours. It became so much income from him that I was able to cut everyone else off. You know, I wasn't having sex with him, I wasn't doing anything for that money, I was just spending time with him. From my point of view, I felt like I was out of the business because I wasn't ashamed or low or small. I I felt big, I felt powerful. The agreement with the worst one was that as soon as the house was finished being rebuilt, that I was gonna be done with him and we were gonna move forward, that we were gonna get serious about our family. We wanted to have a baby, um, we wanted to, you know, solidify that family bond and make it our own. We poured so much money into that house. I mean, literally new electrical, new plumbing, new floors, new walls. Everything in that house was brand new. We stripped it down to the bones and rebuilt it back up. I felt so invested. I felt like we were really doing something big together. This idea of being able to be completely out of survival sex, to be completely done with anything, you know, illegal. I was gonna be legit going forward. I was gonna have the family and the dream life and everything I had always wanted. When the house was finished, we moved in in January, and then in February, I found out I was pregnant. We went to a Charlie Wilson concert for Valentine's Day, and that's when I told him, hey, I'm pregnant. At first, he was shocked and then happy, and oh my god, I can't believe this is happening, and things for the first couple of weeks were great. During all three of my pregnancies, I had hyperemesis gravardium. If you don't know what that is, it's basically like morning sickness on crack. It's very, very extreme morning sickness where it wouldn't even just be in the morning, it would be all day long. Any kind of smell, any kind. I was throwing up all day long, every single day. I was constantly in and out of the emergency room. They kept having to give me fluids because I was so dehydrated and they wanted all these extra prenatal appointments to make sure that the baby was okay. They kept telling me that the baby was smaller than he was supposed to be, that they were really worried about him, which I had the same issue with my previous two pregnancies as well. Both my first two kids were five pounds when they were born. So it wasn't something that was super shocking to me, but it's obviously still very concerning. So I was stressed out, I was sick a lot, I I was miserable. He was very supportive until I was about six months pregnant. He started getting way distant. He was very withdrawn, he wasn't being as caring as he once was before. When I noticed that shift in his behavior, it made me start to question like what's really going on. Eventually, one night he was asleep and I went through his phone, and that's when I found out that he was cheating on me, and it wasn't just cheating on me with random women, he was paying for prostitutes and using my money to do it. I had a really hard time deciding how I even felt about something like that because that's how he met me. But I confronted him and I I was just like, look, I know what you're doing, I know what's going on. Can we figure this out? Can we make this work? You mean everything to me. Your bond with my son means everything to me. This house means everything to me. We are so invested in each other. This is just a temporary thing. It's gotta just be because I'm pregnant and sick, right? And he was like, you know what? I don't even care. I can do whatever I want. I'm like, what do you mean you can do whatever you want? And he's like, That's what I said. I can do whatever I want. For whatever reason, I nervously laughed, and he lunged across the room, he wrapped his hand around my throat, he strangled me with one hand while beating me over the head with another. I was so frozen in that moment.

SPEAKER_00:

I just I've seen this pattern before, and I know what it's like to have some sort of unexpected blow-up, and for your brain to not be able to catch up and you freeze. I think a lot of survivors know that feeling. It's not like what I've shown in the movies. It's usually like no dramatic buildup. Sometimes it's just they decide that they're pissed and they're gonna act on it. And the fact that Sarah was pregnant when this happened, unfortunately, I'm not surprised. How many stories have I told on this podcast in the past where the abuse actually ramps up during pregnancy? I don't know if it's because this person feels threatened by the attention or by your own independence or by the fact that something is literally growing inside of you that they can't own or dominate at the time. And it's something that seems to be only yours in their mind. I don't know. But what I do know is that once that line is crossed, you never really get to go back to the version of yourself that believed that you were safe or that something like that couldn't happen to you. How many months pregnant were you? Six months pregnant.

SPEAKER_01:

You know, I was very, very torn on he's been so perfect for like four years, and my son adores him, he adores my son.

SPEAKER_00:

So I really want to know what the psychology is behind men who escalate like that when their significant other is pregnant. Because that seems to be a pretty common statistic.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it to this day of like, was it just the fact that he wasn't ready to have a child? Was it that he was scared to have a child? Like, I sat in the shower crying for probably two hours until the water ran cold and I had no choice but to get out. I just couldn't decide what to do. How do I walk away knowing how much my son loves him? Cope with the fact that he put his hands on me when for four years he swore he would never do that.

SPEAKER_00:

What happened after that? I mean, did he just like go back to bed? Did he leave?

SPEAKER_01:

He just went on with life. He didn't really care. He never apologized, he never said that he was sorry. He just he continued to get more and more distant and more and more cold. I ended up having to have a scheduled c-section. I had a c-section previously with my second son. I literally felt everything. I screamed bloody murder the entire time. I was terrified. I was awful. It was very traumatizing and awful. So I expressed to him and the doctor, I don't think I can do another c-section. Like he was like, you know what? Just shut up and go in there and go do it. You won't even like hug me or hold my hand or like anything. And he was like, quit being a pussy, you're fine. Go in there and go do it. So I had the c-section and I still felt everything. And I was screaming and crying, and he's telling me, You can't you can't be screaming like that. You need to shut up. Well, so they're literally slicing my stomach open and pulling my organs out. I'm telling the doctors, like, I feel everything. I need more medication. They told me that they had given me as much medication as they could, and that I just needed to be strong and hold on. They were trying to get the baby out as quickly as they could, that once he was out, then they would be able to give me more medicine. When they pulled the baby out, everything went black. They completely put me to sleep. I didn't even get to hear his first cry. I didn't get to see him. They just immediately put me to sleep. I woke up several hours later. A nurse was shoving my newborn to my chest, trying to feed him. And I'm looking around. I can barely lift my head. I can barely move my arms or my legs. I'm like out of it. And I'm like, well, where is he? And she's like, well, he left as soon as the baby was born. Called him. He said he was busy and he would be up there eventually. So I spent most of my almost all the time that I was at the hospital, I was there by myself. When I got home from the hospital, he said, Alright, look, if you don't want to be here anymore, that's fine. The baby stays with me. I wasn't gonna let that happen. So I stayed and I tried to stay small and not upset him. And if the baby cried too much, then I was doing something wrong. It was one night where the baby had gas really bad and he just was miserable. He took him to the emergency room, would not let me have the baby, and I had to follow him to the emergency room. The doctor was like, Yeah, um, your baby has gas. First time here. And he was like, Well, yeah, but like he's crying and he won't stop crying. And the doctor was like, Yeah, that's what babies do. They cry. He'll be okay. Get some sleep, figure it out. It'll be alright. The baby cried too much for too long. I was doing something wrong, I was hurting him, I wasn't feeding him enough. I was always to blame. I was it was the baby was just a couple of months old, and he was being very cold and mean one day. He shoved me into the wall while I was holding the baby, and I was like, absolutely not, but I'm done. I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. My middle son ended up spending the night at a friend's house, and so he wasn't there when I got pushed into the wall. I grabbed the diaper bag and the car seat and I ran out the front door and I got away as fast as I could, and that's when he started calling back to back to back. I will scorch the earth to find my child, bring him back, or you're not gonna like what happens.

SPEAKER_00:

As a survivor and as a mother, I understand that there is a particular kind of fear that hits in this moment because you're caught between two unbearable choices stay and risk your safety or leave and risk retaliation. That's the part that outsiders or people who haven't experienced abuse don't really understand. It's that you want to protect your child, but the questions start to loop in your head. Am I safe? How can my child be safe? If I leave, will he take the child? Will anyone believe me? And abusers know exactly how to keep you stuck there. Sarah said that he called her or or messaged her on repeat. And they do, they flood your phone with messages, threats, apologies, please. And it's just enough chaos to keep your nervous system stuck in survival mode. It's strategic. It's how they regain control when they feel like it's slipping away from them. And you can't think clearly because they won't let you uh think clearly. Every message on your phone is another jolt of adrenaline. They want you to feel panicked and guilty and confused because if you are panicking, then you're not planning. And that's exactly how they keep you trapped.

SPEAKER_01:

So I drove over to his house. I parked like a block and a half away so that I knew he didn't like go down that street. So he wasn't gonna be able to see me or know that I was sitting there waiting. And I called 911 four different times, and I waited over five hours and the police never came. So the next day, um she was like, just go to the police station. Do not take no for an answer. So I went up to the police station, I waited another two hours to talk to a detective. He was very degrading, very dismissive. And I insisted that I was not going to leave the police station until somebody followed me to his house so I could retrieve some of my belongings. I waited like another hour and a half, and they finally got an officer to escort me over there. That officer was much nicer, much more understanding. When we got to the house, the locks had literally been changed overnight. And so I look at the cop and I'm like, Well, what do I do? And he said, Well, there's a brick on the ground right there. Like, I can't do that. And he was like, What this address is on your driver's license. You have proof that you live here. You have photo proof that you live here. Like, you I can't tell you that you're not allowed to enter this property by any means because you live here. You have proof that you live here. Okay, if you say it's fine, I guess. So I threw the brick and I'm halfway climbing into the window when he pulls up in the driveway, and then he's immediately belligerent. Why are you letting this bitch break into my house and she doesn't live here? And what do you think you're doing? And so they end up handcuffing him, detaining him, made him sit on the grass, let me go through the house and get whatever I thought that I needed, right?

SPEAKER_00:

I cannot tell you how many survivors have a story that starts like this. You finally leave and then suddenly the locks are changed. The home that you paid for, the things that you bought, the baby clothes, the crib, the photos, all of it just out of reach. Because once you walk out that door, the abuser shifts from control through fear to control through access. And it doesn't matter if it's your toothbrush or your child's blanket. They're not really protecting the things, they're punishing you for leaving. Sarah showed up that day with a police officer trying to collect what little she could, but he pulled up in the middle of it, loud, erratic, refusing to de-escalate until he was cuffed and on the ground. And when she walked inside, everything she owned was piled by the door like trash. That image stays with me because it's not about the furniture. It's about the humiliation. It's about them making a statement that you don't get to decide what is yours, or I do. Some survivors walk into shattered picture frames and cut up clothes. Others find out that everything's been sold or given away or moved or hidden. And it's all retaliation. Another way of saying if I can't control. You out destroy the pieces of your life that make you feel whole. And that's the thing. They don't always hit you to hurt you. Sometimes they just take everything that I ever felt.

SPEAKER_01:

So what's not and so every time we would move, he would draw another heart in the dust on my truck, and that's how I would know that he found me again. Seven different times we moved, and seven different times he found me. I started getting desperate on I don't know where else we can go. I don't have anybody else or any other safe addresses I can go to. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. And so I reached out to that old sugar daddy, and I was like, Look, this is why I cut you off. This is why you haven't heard from me. I got pregnant, I had a kid, and now my life is in shambles and I really need some help. Can you please help me? And so he bought me an RV and he put it in my name. He spent$10,000 on an RV for me. So then we started bouncing around from RV park to RV park. He didn't know that I had the RV yet. I thought that that was gonna be our escape. From my point of view, I was thinking, well, if I'm gonna keep having to bounce around with my kids, it doesn't matter how much we move around or where we go because inside is still the same. So I can give them that stability, I can give them that sense of feeling at home regardless of where we are. And so there was one day where I was supposed to go pick up the baby, and I had pulled up to his house with the RV attached to the back of my truck because we were supposed to be moving from one campsite to another. Typically, when you rent a campsite, you can only usually stay for like two weeks at a time, max. I was getting ready to leave with the baby, and I mentioned that I was having issues with the air conditioning. And he said, Well, it's too hot for you guys to sleep in that camp or with no RB or with no AC. And I'm like, Well, we don't really have a choice, you know. I I've tried calling different people to get it fixed, but it's too late in the day now, so I'm not gonna be able to get it looked at until tomorrow. And he said, Okay, listen, why don't you guys just stay here tonight and then you can get the AC fixed tomorrow? And I'm like, Yeah, I don't know about that. And he's like, No, I promise, like, I'll make dinner, you can just spend the night, and then in the morning you can get your AC fixed, and then you can be on your way. What I didn't know was that I would barely escape that night with my life.

SPEAKER_00:

So, what's not in this interview is the part where Sarah tells me that this system ends up pulling her right back in because he got a lawyer. There's a custody hearing, and on paper, he's not trying to take their son away. He's actually asking for 50-50 custody and he's showing up calm and collected and reasonable. So when that exchange day came, she thought maybe things are different now, maybe we can be civil, maybe he's grown. And I get that. Because when they're cordial, when they use the right tone, when they smile, it's like your brain lights up with every good memory that you've been trying to bury to stay away. And you want to believe that you're finally seeing the version of them that you fell in love with. You want to prove to yourself that that person did exist, that you weren't crazy. Sometimes showing up isn't about reconciliation, though. It's about recognition. It's saying, I remember who you pretend to be, and I still wish that person had been real. And that's that's okay to want that. And maybe that's why she showed up that day with the RV. Maybe it was closure, maybe it was hope. Maybe it was both.

SPEAKER_01:

Dinner was normal. My middle son was very happy to be back at the house. He was happy to be around my ex again after dinner. Kids went to bed. We sat on the porch and we talked for hours and we laughed and we reminisced, and he explained that he understood how he let his feelings destroy our relationship, how he should have been more of a man and not cheated and just all the things, right? After several hours of talking with him, I told him, you know, I'm gonna go out to the RV, get some clothes to change into, I need to grab some diapers for the baby. I might straighten up for a few minutes while I'm in there, so it's ready for tomorrow when we leave. And he said, Okay, no problem. Well, while I was in the RV, he was sitting on the porch going through my phone. And the next thing I know, the camper door busts open, and he immediately is waving my phone in the air, going, You're talking to other guys. And before I could even answer him, he lunges at me. He's choking me with both hands, throwing me around all over the place, and he was like, Oh no, you tried to get me arrested before. I'm definitely going to jail tonight. Here's my phone. Take it. Go ahead. Call the cops. Because I'm going to jail tonight. And when I reached for the phone, he just started beating me, and the RV had a U-shaped kitchenette table. And so I was trapped in that. And he was just on top of me, just blow after blow. He turns around and he's like, What are you looking at? I'm like, I'm not looking at anything. Just please, just stop. And he's like, No, you were looking at something. What are you? Oh, you were looking at those knives on the wall. So you thought you were gonna stab me, huh? And I'm like, no, no, I I wasn't looking at that. I'm I'm just begging and pleading, like, I would not do that. Can you can you please just stop? So he grabs the knife on the wall and he was like, get up. And he said, Go open your safe. And so I opened the safe and he took all the money that I had. Then he threw me into the shower, climbed on top of me, continued to pummel me. I used to do kickboxing, so I was doing a pretty decent job of protecting my face, but my ears and the back of my head and my arms took a lot of beating. As he's beating me, I started trying to push him off of me, and I ended up touching the knife that was in his pocket, not purposely, but just like trying to trying to get him off of me. He said, Oh, you thought you were gonna get that knife for me. Okay, I'm gonna show you exactly what I'm gonna do with it. And so he he's behind me at this point, and he's holding this knife to my forehead, and he says that he's gonna cut my scalp off. And he says that if I scream, he's gonna make sure my kids have nightmares for the rest of their lives. In that moment, I really thought that I was gonna die. In my head, I'm wondering how much blood is there going to be? What's gonna happen to the RV? What's gonna happen to my body? Are my kids ever gonna know what happened to me? Is he just gonna drive my truck somewhere into the woods and light it on fire? Will I ever see my kids again? Like, I I really thought that I was gonna die. The next thing you know, he's like, the baby's crying. Get your ass up and go inside. I thought I was about to just die, and now you want me to go take care of the baby. Okay, so he orders me in the house at night point, and I'm consoling my crying newborn, wondering what's gonna happen next. He's just standing there going through my phone, going through my phone. As soon as the baby's calm, he's like, put that baby down so I can beat your ass some more. I was like, No, please stop, like you don't have to do this. He grabs my glasses off of my face and he twists them into pieces, and he says, Put that fucking baby down so I can beat your ass. So I put the baby down and he just continued to beat me. He ordered me back out to the RV at knife point again. I'm just being tortured. Beaten and tortured, and I want to say this all started at about 10 p.m. And then around like 4 a.m., 5 a.m. Then he stops and he's calm and he's quiet, and then he starts crying. I'm so sorry, I can't believe I took it this far. I care about you, I love you, we should get married, we can move to Florida, we can be together. I did the best that I could to convince him that I was gonna do whatever he wanted to do because I was still hostage, I was terrified. My kids were trapped inside his house to play the role, and yeah, we should totally get married. I would love that. That that would be perfect. And he's like, Okay, well, I have to go to sleep because I have to get up and go to work in the morning. And I'm like, Okay, well, go ahead and go to sleep. Me and the kids are just gonna leave so you can get some rest. And he's like, Oh no, no, no, no, no. You're staying here still. He's like, Go inside so we can go to bed. I tried to lay on the floor next to the baby, and he was like, Yeah, nope, that's not gonna work. So he makes me lay in the bed next to him, and he wraps his arms around me so I can't move or get out of the bed, and he's kissing me on the back of my shoulder, and I love you so much, and I can't believe we're gonna get married. I love you. I'm a ticking time bomb. I cannot wait to get the fuck away from him. I'm just planning my escape. How do I get me and my kids out of this safely? And how the fuck do I get away from him so he can never touch me again? So in the morning he gets up and he's like he's got this look on his face, like I fucked up. I really fucked up. You're still gonna be here when I get off work, right? I was like, Yeah, of course. What time do you get off? He's like, Well I get off at six. I said, Okay, we'll be here when you get off. No big deal. Like, okay, I love you. I hope you have a great day. I'll see you tonight when I get off work. So I took my kids back to my friend's house, I asked her to watch them, and then I went to the police station and waited two hours to talk to another detective and I explained everything from the beginning to the end, and he says, Well, we can take pictures of your bruises and we can add it to the file, but it's gonna be a few weeks before a detective reaches out to you. And I'm like, What the fuck do you mean? You have his name, you have his address, you have his place of employment, go fucking get him. And they're like, Well, ma'am, that's not really how this works, and we have to do our investigation first, and I'm like, investigate these fucking bruises, bro. Like, do something. So I'm like, cool, well, I don't know where the fuck I'm gonna go because he keeps finding me every time I move. I don't have anywhere else safe to go. So I started booking campsites further and further and further away. Every step I take in that RV, I'm having flashbacks and remembering what happened and how I felt in those moments, how scared I was, and I had to keep being a mom. The stress and the paranoia was really getting to me. Um, I started breaking out in hives. I would wake up and one side of my face would be extremely swollen, or my lip would balloon up. The stress was eating me alive. I said, you know what, we gotta get the hell out of Missouri. Where am I gonna go?

SPEAKER_00:

I can only imagine how many other survivors have lived that, maybe not necessarily being held by knife point, but those nights where you're cornered, where you cry until your throat burns, where you beg for it to stop, and then suddenly they do stop. And then it's like a switch flips, and they act like nothing happened, and they climb into bed and they tell you they love you, and then you lie there frozen, numb, pretending to sleep, pretending to breathe evenly, pretending to believe it, or just pretending. Because that's really the only thing that keeps you alive, that keeps you safe. Sarah said that he made her cuddle next to him, that he made her comfort him after he brutalized her. And I can imagine doing the same thing that she said. I would say yes to a marriage proposal, wouldn't you? Even if I didn't want to, but because I would understand that maybe the wrong answer would kill me. And that's the kind of survival that the world doesn't know how to even talk about yet. And when we first started this episode, I told you that Sarah's mom had given her two weeks to figure out her next move. And Saturday, the 1st of November, that deadline is here. And she has just a couple of days left before she has to leave. And only a few more weeks until the man that she's been running from walks out of prison. And right now, Sarah is doing everything that she can to stay safe, but she can't do it alone. And there's a GoFundMe linked in the show notes where you can help her relocate. And every share, every donation, every ounce of support helps her take one step closer to safety and to peace. So if Sarah's story is moved to, please share this episode. Next week, we're gonna check in with Sarah. It'll be after she is hopefully on the road. I'm gonna let her share what she feels comfortable sharing. We're just gonna kind of recap now that she's brought her story out into the world, how does she feel? And you come back just to have some world talk with us. But for now, this has been dismissed for stories. Thank you for listening. Thank you for caring, and thank you for helping Sarah find safety. Because today, and like every episode before, we're breaking the silence. One sentence, one story, and one episode at a time.

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Elissa

Host