Getting a Grip on Life

A catchy slogan can’t change a stubborn heart, and white-knuckle willpower won’t hold when life shakes you. We open the hood on self-control and look beyond “just say no” to the deeper engine Scripture describes: a Spirit-led life that learns to hold steady under pressure, speak with wisdom, and choose long-term good over instant relief. Starting in 2 Peter 1, we unpack the seven supplements that demonstrate a growing faith and focus on the third—self-control—as an inner strength formed through daily surrender, not mere rules.

Together we map the difference between external restraint and internal transformation, exploring how patience pairs with self-control in a culture wired for two-second gratification. From tech-trained impatience to social-media flare-ups, we name the friction points and share practices for “getting a grip” before words or emotions run the show. Along the way, we draw from Paul’s encounter with Felix and Drusilla and from the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5 to show why saying no to sin must be matched by saying yes to the Spirit’s guidance.

This is practical and hopeful. You’ll hear how small, intentional choices—presenting yourself to God, keeping in step with the Spirit, preparing for known triggers—compound into calm under pressure and credibility with others. Self-control becomes more than a moral goal; it turns into a quiet power that stabilizes teams, heals relationships, and opens conversations about the source of your peace. Ready to trade impulse for rootedness and frustration for freedom? Listen now, share with a friend who needs calm in chaos, and if this encouraged you, subscribe and leave a review so others can find the show.

Transcript

The Limits Of “Just Say No”

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In his sermon on the fruit of the spirit, Brian Wilkerson reminded me of a social program that had taken the country by storm back in the 1980s. Drug abuse was becoming epidemic, teen pregnancy rising, AIDS in the news every day, gangs uh turning neighborhoods into war zones. Somebody came up with a simple solution uh to combating these uh bad behaviors with the catchphrase just say no. If you're old enough, you may remember that. The idea caught on. First Lady Nancy Reagan championed it with the use of uh mass media, the just say no, the campaign sort of blanketed America, school curriculum, media advertisements, celebrity endorsements, and all that. A partner program called DARE Drug Abuse Resistance Education joined hands uh trying to educate young people against these destructive behaviors to just say no. So young people were encouraged, you know, when you're at a party and somebody hands you a pill or a drink, just say no. When you're alone with your boyfriend or girlfriend and you're pressured, just say no. When somebody wants to fight you, they taunt you, just say no to striking back. Twenty years later, these programs were well funded. They had received numerous awards. They were in every public school system, in every state of the country, in 50 nations around the world. There was only one problem. It didn't work. Over the years, in fact, studies were able to reveal that educating young people not only failed to reduce their activity, it provoked curiosity and experimentation. So in 2001, the U.S. Surgeon General officially placed it in the category of quote, ineffective prevention programs. The reason? It didn't go deep enough. Saying no was verbal, but it never became internal. One report said that it just didn't give young people that internal quality known as self-control. Self-control happens to be one of the supplements the apostle Peter is urging us to pursue in our lives. It's part of our equipment in doing battle. It isn't just an external statement of saying no, it's an internal development by means of the Spirit of God. And it happens to be one of the seven supplements that Peter informs us will guard us, strengthen us against ruining, literally leading lives. He could write it this way we could translate it, of misery, ruining our lives. So let's go back to 2 Peter. We're in chapter one, and let's continue unpacking this list of supplements. Let's get a running start and a quick review back in verse five. Peter writes, and for this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue and virtue with knowledge. And that's where we left off last Lord's Day. If you're new to our study, faith is not a supplement. You might notice carefully, it's something you already have. This is what we call saving faith. The following seven supplements are what you're to add to your faith. Literally, bring them alongside your saving faith. You can think of it this way: saving faith is the foundation of your Christianity. These seven supplements are the demonstration of your Christianity. And the first supplement we noted was virtue. Virtue is God's definition of what's right and wrong. So virtue is this passionate pursuit of the nature of God. Really, it's a reflection of his own character, which means then we are pursuing excellence in every aspect of life. Next in the list is knowledge. This word refers to practical knowledge. This is not related to how intelligent you are. This is related to how insightful you are. This kind of knowledge demonstrates then practical wisdom in making the right decision at the right time for the right reason with the right attitude. No wonder Peter writes here, give all diligence to adding these. In other words, give it everything you've got. He's writing Christians. Give it everything you got. Pursue these with passion. They're going to strengthen you so you won't ruin your life. Lead a life of misery. Now, when that Peter adds the third supplement for our study today, again, he writes in verse 5: Supplement your faith with virtue and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control. Self-control. Just the reading of that supplement took me back to my early years in elementary school. This was the biggest challenge I faced. Maybe you're just like me. I thought I'd bring my second grade report card with me and my second grade school photo. I don't look anything like trouble. I mean, how innocent is that? Little freckled-faced kid, hair combed in a wave before it waved goodbye. I think they probably combed it right before they snapped the picture. One innocent-looking second grader looks can be deceiving. Well, in elementary school, our report card was divided into two sections. I have my second grade report card up here with me. My mother kept them all. She used them as a leverage. On the left side of the report card were the courses, social studies, science, health, you know, Bible reading, language spelling. Uh I got an A in reading. I got a, well, never mind what I got in arithmetic. I don't have time to read all my grades here, but on the right side was what they called, it's headed character development. And underneath are all these issues, ten different issues, like cooperates in classroom, respects authority, uh, obeys promptly, follows directions. And you could get graded here on these issues with three letters. You had three possible letters. O meant outstanding. S meant satisfactory, and in meant needs improvement. My parents thought that meant needs of spanking. I mean, how messed up was that. Report after report on that little maintains self-control. I'd get an in. And that mattered more than everything on the left side. All of my grades didn't matter anything compared to that one in. I just couldn't sit still and stop talking. Now I get paid to talk. I mean, how great is that, huh? That'll show up. That'll that'll show up. And your job is to listen. And let me tell you, if I'm grading you, you all get an O for outstanding. Yeah, look at the person next to you and say, uh, shake their hand, say you're outstanding. Go ahead. You're outstanding. Some of you were asleep. You have no idea why somebody's shaking your hand. That report card just kind of washed over me as a good reminder of the Christian life. Character always matters most. And don't act like you're in second grade. So Peter wraps up these supplements with the guarantee that if you pursue them, you'll not live an immature, undeveloped, uncontrolled life. In fact, he writes that inspired, amazing guarantee down to verse 8. He says, look, if these qualities supplements are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful. Another way of saying you won't waste your life. You're going to grow up, you're going to get out of second grade if you pursue these supplements. Now keep in mind the list is not demanding perfection. Nobody gets an O in everything. This is defining really progression, direction. So what does Peter mean here when he uses this word self-control? Well, the basic definition of the word means to have dominion over yourself. To keep oneself composed. Rather, a wooden translation of this compound word could be to hold oneself in. To hold oneself in. Many years ago, one New Testament scholar wrote that this word could be rendered, take a grip of oneself. Now we use that expression today. It's common. That angry man over there needs to get a grip on himself. A woman is losing her grip. We all need to get a grip on reality. Peter's effectively saying, get a grip on your actions, your reactions, your emotions, your attitudes. And of course, we we see the opposite of holding oneself in all the time, don't we? Might call it road rage. Angry words at a grocery store line. Could be ranting on social media or on the Senate floor. But the believer, Peter, is actually telling us get a grip on your life. The word for self-control here is rare. I was surprised at that. Shows up in a surprising way to me in Acts 24, so I want to reference that. The Apostle Paul is incarcerated. He's going to be executed. He's making appearances in court. And one of the early ones he makes is to a governor named Felix. And his wife Drusilla happens to be along. She's curious about this, Paul, and she wants to see him. Paul is not only going to defend himself, but I love the fact that he's going to see this as an opportunity to witness to Felix and Drusilla. The narrative tells us that Paul talks to them about three issues. Righteousness, that is how to be right with God, the judgment to come, that is one day you're going to stand before God, and this word self-control. He challenges them on self-control. Now Felix was infamous for his cruelty, his temper, his rage, his violence. He was known to be controlled by greed. He was out of control. Drusilla was infamous for her adultery with Felix and then leaving her husband and marrying Felix. Even though they are the power couple. I mean, one of the power couples that would have been in the news, people would be watching them, interested in them. Peter or Paul here doesn't avoid what I think of as the elephant in the room. He uses this opportunity to tell Felix and Drusilla that they need to get a grip on their lives. Now, obviously, the way they will is related to the gospel. Their out-of-control lives must be controlled by Christ, the Messiah. In fact, it's no surprise that Paul will use this word to describe an ungodly culture. They're marked by the absence of self-control. Nobody's holding themselves in. Everybody's acting like they're in second grade. They're saying whatever they want to say, they're acting in whatever way they want to act. They're telling off anybody they want to tell off. So here's our opportunity, beloved. Here's our opportunity as we pursue self-control. This becomes a distinguishing mark of those controlled by Christ. And that's unique. Add this to your lives. Which, by the way, is another way of saying you don't get an automatic dose of self-control at the counter of salvation. This isn't something you get a dose of. This is something that is developed. This supplement, like the others, is not inevitable. It is intentional. In fact, it's really not for the uncommitted, the undecided. And even in reference to the context, the believer who gets out of bed and he's not quite decided, am I going to evidence? Self-control. Now remember, Peter isn't telling us how to earn salvation. That's a gift apart from works. He's not telling us how to be saved. He's telling us how to demonstrate that we are saved. Get a grip on your life. And isn't this an all-out battle for us all every single day? Self-control means that we're not going to say what we might want to say. It's holding ourselves back when we want to let it all loose. Getting a grip is the opposite of letting it rip. We'd much rather let it rip at that opponent, at that competitor, at that unfriendly service provider, at that coworker, at that post on social media, at that supervisor, at that other driver. Hope you didn't. Peter doesn't mention it in the list of supplements, but obviously a partner to self-control then would be patience. And that's a battle. We live in an impatient world surrounded by impatient people, and it is our sin nature to be impatient. I came across some studies in my research. One recent study referred to children. And the fact they want right now what they want, they're going to pitch a fit if they don't get it. This particular study uncovered a growing practice where instead of dealing with their anger, their meltdown, parents are handing their angry child a smartphone or tablet to calm them down. The study concluded, and I'm quoting, it works for the moment, but it avoids the problem. Rather than deal with self-control, the inappropriate frustration and anger, parents are using, quote, digital pacifiers to avoid the issue. So their unreasonable child is temporarily distracted from their anger instead of learning to control it. It isn't just children who face a greater battle developing patience and self-control. It's adults. Here's another article that caught my attention recently. It's talking about how technology is affecting us as adults. The article reported how it's shortening our ability to wait. It's eroding our patience and self-control. It reports how retailers are now promising same-day delivery. We don't even want to wait for that. Smartphone apps eliminate the wait for a cab, a table at a restaurant. But it's coming at a price, this secular study reports it's making us less patient. They did a project to examine the viewing habits, and they examine the viewing habits of 6.7 million internet users. How long would they be willing to wait for something to upload? The answer two seconds. Two seconds. After five seconds, more than half have gone. Nobody waits ten seconds. The results said this. One day people are going to be too impatient to conduct a study on patience. Adults can't wait, can't sit still for two seconds. That kind of reminds me of second grade. Our culture, even our technology, is encouraging an immature, undeveloped individual. Now, the development of self-control is much more than just saying no, it isn't throwing away your smartphone or your tablet. The answer isn't simply external, though that is important, it must be internal. Speaking of cell phones, with perfect timing, you can throw that one away or give it to me. You know, it's helpful to understand that several of these supplements in Peter's list show up in Paul's list called the fruit of the Spirit. In Galatians 5, nestled in that cluster of fruit is that same word, self-control. And Paul emphasizes that it is the work of the Spirit of God. In other words, we're not alone in the battle. We have the Holy Spirit indwelling us, empowering us. So if you take Peter's list and you take Paul's list, you discover this balance in the Christian life. The Christian life is a daily battle with sin. You must say no. But it is also a daily surrender where you say yes to the spirit of God. Saying no to sin, yes to the spirit. Our culture could, you know, talk about saying no to the sinful act, but they didn't understand how to say yes to the spirit who empowers us. Let me put it this way: the Christian life is a daily series of surrender. Surrenders. But to whom? To sin or to the Savior and the Spirit. This is what Paul challenged the believer to do in Galatians 5.25, where he writes, keep in step with the Spirit of God. Don't run ahead, don't lag behind. Keep in step. You discover how he walks through his word. Choose to walk in communion with the Holy Spirit as it applies the word of God to your life. One author jarred my thinking in the way he wrote this. He put it this way: we are as close to the Holy Spirit as we choose to be. Man, that's convicting. We are as close to the Holy Spirit, we're talking about track practical terminology, as we choose to be. He's not talking about salvation. He's talking about sanctification, surrendering to the Spirit of God. In theological uh terminology, when you got saved, you received all of the Holy Spirit. You didn't get a leg or an arm. You had all of him. In practical terms, it is a daily decision to give him all of you. Now only the Spirit of God can reach into the internal working of character and heart. In fact, Paul wrote it this way. He said in Romans 6, let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, be in control, be the engine room, to make you obey its passions. He's writing this to Christian. Do not present your body to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God. That idea of presenting is yielding, surrendering, even cooperating. So we add this supplement of self-control to our lives when there is cooperation with our surrendered heart to the Spirit of God in whom we rely upon to help us in this pursuit. And let me tell you, the world around you, they they're passionately pursuing self-indulgence, self-fulfillment, self-expression. When they meet someone with self-control, you show up at work with patient self-control. They may never verbalize it, but they're gonna notice you're gonna be a blessing where you go. Patience, humility wrapped up in a demonstration of self-control is like a gemstone in a world of rubble. When they meet you, this distinguishing mark might provoke enough curiosity for them to ask, how'd you handle it that way? That person yelling at you, how how'd you how'd you respond with grace? How do you hold yourself the way you do? How do you how do you smile when I I I know you're having difficulty in areas of your life? It's also going to give you this unique pleasure and peace that comes when you trust in every circumstance the Spirit of God. Walking in step with the Spirit of God, then, is a blessing to others and a benefit to your own heart and mind. Let's not try to live without it. I want to read to you. This is from a journal entry belonging to Chuck Swindall. He wrote this experience ten years ago when he was 81. As I write these words, I'm at 35,000 feet. It's 5.45 on Saturday. It should be 4.15. The airliner was an hour and a half late. It all started with the announcement out on the tarmac, mechanical trouble, they said. Inexcusable, responded a couple of passengers. Frankly, I was glad they decided to fix it before we took off. But we don't like to wait. Delays are irritating, aggravating, nerve-jangling. Faced with delay, we are obnoxiously demanding we want what we want when we want it. So now we're in the air. We're late. People are grumpy. Some are downright mad. Flight attendants are apologizing, promising extra booze to take off the edge. To complicate matters, a gentleman across the aisle has a severe nosebleed now, and they're trying to instruct him, but he doesn't understand English. And now the meal is late. The lady on my left has a cold, and it makes an enormous sound when she sneezes. Sounds like a dying calf in a hailstorm. And she sneezes every 90 seconds. I've timed her. Oh, one more thing. The TV video system broke down in the middle of a sports video, and now the nervous system of half the people on board is breaking down. This has become a flying zoo. In the midst of this, I was reminded of Paul's reference to self-control when I was ready to lose it myself inside. It occurred to me that this is where the rubber meets the road of Christianity, at this kind of intersection, whether earthbound or airborne, the demonstration of my Christian character occurs not in the quietness of my study. Anyone can be self-controlled, surrounded by books and silence, with a fresh cup of coffee and sunshine streaming through the window. But late takeoffs, those grocery lines, those busy schedules, those traffic jams, that's where self-control faces the rude realities of life. It occurred to me that as I cultivate self-control, I begin to gain the ability to accept this delay and disappointment. The ability to smile back at setbacks, responding with a pleasant understanding spirit, the ability to cool it while others around me curse it. So for a change, I refused to be hassled by today's delay. I decided that I would keep calm and I asked the Lord to make me cheerful. And you know what? He did. He really did. No pill, no booze, no hocus pocus, just surrendering to and relying on the power of the Holy Spirit. But I've got another problem now. I've been smiling at the flight attendants, hoping to encourage them. But just now one of them pointed at me and whispered to her friend, watch that guy in the glasses. I think he's had too much to drink. Well, there you have it. Pursue with passion, cooperating with the internal work of the spirit, to whom You surrender in this daily battle so that you demonstrate to your world for their benefit and yours this distinctive quality of self-control. Would you bow your heads for just a moment? Perhaps God has brought to your mind some intersection of life for you. Where you are right now. This is where the battle is most difficult. You and the Lord, perhaps alone, know it. So right where you sit. Make the decision. Decide. Choose. Yield. Not to that emotion, not to that reaction. What you might like to do, but to the spirit and what you ought to do. Talk to the Lord for just a moment now. The worst thing you could do is decide to leave here and turn over a new leaf and try to do better. You need the Spirit of God. You start with being saved. And then demonstration of that salvation comes later. If you'd like to talk to me, I'll be available. Greeting visitors and would love to begin a conversation with you. Thank you for your word. Thank you, Father, for the inspiration of the text and the selection of just this word. A word we need. A word that gives relief, though difficult. A word that brings about maturity development. A word that is stinted.