Funny Now but Baby.....

😂 Funny Now, But Baby.... | Stories We Can Laugh About Now! | Be PHREEE with Charissa Marie & Shay

Some things weren't funny when they happened… but BABY, we can laugh about them now! 😂

Join *Charissa Marie* and her fun-loving friend *Shay* for an evening filled with laughter, friendship, life lessons, and those unforgettable moments that taught us something along the way.

In this episode, we're keeping it real and sharing stories that had us shaking our heads then—but laughing out loud now! If you've ever had one of those "Girl, let me tell you what happened..." moments, you'll feel right at home.

✨ Friendship and sisterhood
✨ Honest conversations
✨ Lessons learned the hard way
✨ Faith, healing, and growth
✨ Plenty of laughs along the way

💬 Tell us in the comments: *What's something you can laugh about now that definitely wasn't funny at the time?*

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💖 Connect with Shay

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*@shay920*
[  / shay920  ](  / shay920  )

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[  / redstar357  ](  / redstar357  )

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Helping women heal, grow, and walk boldly in purpose—one conversation at a time.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:44

Well, hello, hello, hello.

SPEAKER_06 0:47

Welcome to Chris Marie's Be Free with Curissa Marie. And today's gonna be so much fun because I have my good friend Shay with me. And I'm just gonna say, um, there aren't enough words to describe what she means to me. Um, but she means the world to me. She used to be my boss. If you caught the last podcast, we were on here together. She keeps saying I wasn't her boss. She wasn't my boss. She was my boss. She was my boss. And oh supervisor, whatever. She was my boss. And um, and we just connected. We've just been we've just connected ever since. So I'm gonna let Shay introduce herself. Tell me a little bit about um what you how about we'll keep keep it like girlfriend-like. When you're not at work, what do you like to do?

SPEAKER_05 1:47

Well, let's see. Um, when I'm not at work, I am I'm at home. Um, I love to do crafts. Um right now I am into just just watching TV. Like I said in the last podcast, I am a new empty nester. So this is all a new era of my life. So I'm trying to find myself. Um, I'm a plant mom, of course, so I do like doing my plants and just making sure they're they're doing what they're supposed to be doing and thriving. Um, so I'm really just a homebody for the most part, and again, that's because I'm just trying to find myself again.

SPEAKER_06 2:30

Yeah.

unknown 2:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 2:32

I will say something about you that I admire that I hope to aspire, you know, be like really, is I I don't know what day it was a while ago, maybe a month or two ago. I'm like, so what are you doing this weekend? Oh, I'm going to the skate class. I'm like, you're going to a skate class, you know what I mean? And uh yeah, I signed myself up for a skate class, but you can actually skate. So I don't even know why you went to a skate class and you were trying to get me to go, but my fear of falling stopped me because uh a couple years ago I did I was skating and I fell and I broke a limb, you know what I mean? So I'm kind of like, yeah, I broke my. I don't know, I didn't tell you about this.

SPEAKER_05 3:18

No, you went skating, you and I and Ernetta, we had all gone skating and you did fine.

SPEAKER_06 3:24

You you you were I was afraid to even go then, but so I I'm 53 now, but I I was turning 49 or something, or maybe I was turning, no, I was turning 50. This is when I lived in Virginia, and I had this great idea to have a grown folks like birthday skate party, and um I had my daughter out with me. We were we were practicing uh on the tennis court because if you fall, you know it's so bad, you know what I mean? On tennis court because it's got a little bounce, right? And I was you know, grooving to some earth went on fire, doing my thing. I was showing off a little bit, you know what I'm saying? Because she just thought I was she just I was laughable, and we were about done wrapping up, and I'm I'm skating, but I did one last little spin, and all I remember is my whole back was on on the on the on the pavement. I mean on the ground. I was on the ground flat. I lost my breath, I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, and I was like, how am I get to the car? Like it was crazy, but I didn't even know my um my limb was broken right away. I mean, I felt great. I had stuff to do, like I had a signing to go do that that evening and or that morning, that afternoon. So I went home. I couldn't put up my what is it when you try to snatch your body? Spanx? Yeah, I was presentable for a home closing during the signing, and so Michael was behind me trying to help me pull my spanx up.

SPEAKER_04 5:09

That's not a whole lot right there. That's a whole lot.

SPEAKER_06 5:13

And I went to the signing, and um the signing was actually at um some, it was um at a title agency. And I walked in and I kind of rapped a little bit because I wasn't moving my arm. They said, Are you okay? So yeah, yeah. He said, Are you are you sure what happened? I said, I just I hurt my arm. I'm going to the hospital after the signing. Oh, because my right arm was fine. I decided to say, so yeah, I went to the hospital and they told me it was broke. So I wasn't I wasn't down for like I went skating with you guys because I do miss it, and I it's also great exercise, but I was really um terrified, you know.

SPEAKER_05 5:57

But I didn't get that though. You did so good. Um yeah, you did. So that's definitely one of those. It wasn't funny then, but it's laughable now.

SPEAKER_04 6:13

You know, we got it. You already you followed and nicely, didn't you?

SPEAKER_06 6:19

I like how you did that. So, yeah, speaking of which, so tell me about it. So, one of the things we we all wanted to talk about, um, just because it's gonna be a light, fun. I need light and fun. What happened to you that was funny, that's funny now, but it wasn't funny then, like when it happened. I got lots. What you got?

SPEAKER_05 6:43

You know, I have been kind of contemplating this all day, and I'm like, what was funny now that wasn't funny then? And hell, that's damn near my whole life. Like we can we can pick a moment. Um so I I don't know. Honestly, when I got married, when I got married, the um I we went to the justice of the peace, and I really, I don't really know what the hell I was doing, honestly. Because why the hell was I getting married? I wasn't, you know, I wasn't really ready. But the whole time I'm in that moment, I'm like looking at this man, like, don't do this, don't don't sign those papers, don't make me do this. And I'm like, I just busted out laughing in the middle of the ceremony, and I didn't realize then that I was just really scared and nervous, and then after like you know, years now, I'm looking back on it, I'm laughing at myself because dummy, you knew what you knew it wasn't right, you were laughing through the whole thing, and now here you are divorced, you knew then it wasn't gonna work, so yeah, I can I can look back on that and be like, it it really wasn't funny then, but it's funny now because you was dumb as hell for getting married. Nothing like merits.

SPEAKER_06 8:15

So I don't even know where to start. Okay, I want to keep it well. Okay, so one thing you know I can't talk about quite yet, so I I won't, but boy, do I have things to say.

SPEAKER_04 8:30

I can't wait for that because that's gonna be a whole other show, and I better be on that one too, because maybe that's gonna be that whole thing, okay.

SPEAKER_06 8:40

But here's something funny. So um it was it was right after it had to be like 2000, it was in the early 2000s, like maybe 2001, 2000, whatever. And I worked for a radio station in or our TV station, one of the two. I was an account executive and I've done both, but I can't remember if that at that moment it was with the radio or the ABC affiliate. But I was working there in Lansing, Michigan, and I decided that I wanted to move to Richmond, Virginia. Okay, so now I had a little one, I had it was me and Haley, and I mom was like, Well, who do you know there? Or do you you know like I said, you know, one person, you know, you know, one person, and and to be honest with you, it was somebody that I had been kicking it with before he moved down there, but that was a very unhealthy situation. I was like in my I was young, and he was at least 10 years, maybe close to 10 years old, already established, already married and divorced, um into his life. And I was like young and dumb, kind of like, you know, I in my brain, I would think I was searching for this is long before Michael, like I think I was searching for, okay, I have to do what is expected of me. Okay, I I it's back maybe sooner than planned without a husband, but at least let me try to straighten this up now. This person looks like a you know, whatever. So um he said, you know, yeah, you can come kick it with me and or you know, and what find your place. I did that, I got my own place, and then I got, you know, my daughter was there, she's going to school and all this stuff. Um, it didn't work out with he and I, but I was fine. I was established in my own place, working at the radio station, and I was like, oh, cool, cool, cool. Until I met somebody. I, you know, when you're young, like in your 20s, well, I'm thinking to myself, man, I was so maybe. I think I was very romantic in my brain. You know what I mean? I was really kind of like, you know, and he fit the image of what I thought I wanted. You know, he was tall, like my dad man, like tall and he was chocolatey, and he was, you know, very athletic. And um, now he didn't have all this stuff together, but I'm the little girl that was like, oh, I can see, I can see past this. Girl, come to find out, um, he turned out to be completely psycho. So I didn't, I didn't know until later on in the relationship when the woman called me that uh this job he was trying to take in Atlanta back then. Um and he wanted me to move with him. I was like, well, I just got established here, whatever. We'll see how it works out over there with what you're doing and whatever. Um, she had gotten him the job in Atlanta, and evidently that was his ex, and she was a good 10 years older than him. So she was like older than us. When I realized it wasn't gonna work, I tried to be responsible and like break it off. Um, but then he began to harass me, come to my job in the middle of the night, bang on my windows of the house. Um, and I had a child in there, you know what I mean? All these things. And um, I remember like uh my mom, my parents, of course, were worried, like you got to move back. And so like I literally almost had to reroute my life, humiliate myself, and and go back to hometown. But before that happened, the harassment was going crazy. So um my mom called a family friend of ours, um, Quincy Scroggins. Quincy Scrogins was a police officer and a friend of mine, um, and he and my, you know, he was really awesome with my parents, but he called the police in Virginia to monitor my home. And at the time it was terrifying, but now I'm like, this I'm crazy. Man, young and dumb is stupid.

SPEAKER_05 13:42

Like, I mean, yes, we definitely did some things. I I don't know where that romanticized thought process came from. Maybe it was our parents' music, listening to Teddy Pitagrass and Barry White. They had us thinking that romance was the it.

SPEAKER_06 14:01

Right. Maybe it was man, it's just kind of like I'm like, oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_05 14:11

Wow, that's a lot.

SPEAKER_06 14:13

That was, you know, and you you only know even on recent stuff. Oh, here's something crazy. And I can't be able to sharing this.

SPEAKER_05 14:21

Yeah, you just put him on him. That's what happened. You put it on him.

SPEAKER_06 14:26

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_05 14:27

Yeah, had to. They don't act crazy for no reason. Listen, they don't act crazy for no reason. Yes.

SPEAKER_06 14:34

Sometimes I think it is just like we all do, like we think the package is tied up in the bow that we uh we we imagined it would be, but inside that package is something else, and that goes for me, for men and women. I think that's what happened. So, like um, my my oldest daughter, she is. I always do this because I I think I'm in denial. Okay, I'm 53. She's 32. She's 32. And um, same thing, like uh even worse, right? Because so I was 19 when I had her. I was 19 when I had her, and um her dad was very debonair, very handsome. He could sing the you know, offer you, you know what I'm saying? And it was, you know, that whole thing that was we were both kids. It was we were both, it was just too much. And he too, same situation, had a whole situation, had a child while I was pregnant with somebody else. And um, and he did a he did a lot of things going into in a whole nother city. And I remember one of my girlfriends said, uh, are you guys still together? Because I had the apartment was in my name, but he lived there. And um we were supposed to, you know, get, you know, it was go to the next level. We were both too young in hindsight, but that was the goal. And uh I said, yeah, why? That's a weird question. She said, because my girl went like while you were, I had a modeling gig in Chicago, and he bought a young lady to our apartment while I was not there and took down all my pictures. What the girl could describe to her my apartment, who and of course my girl's been in my apartment, so I'm like, what? And I just I remember thinking I'm just like not good enough, right? And then lo and behold, he ended up marrying, I don't know if it was that girl or somebody. So it had been a long-term kind of thing, but he was kind of like he was just him and his daughter, and it was me, right? And he ended up getting married, he stayed married. I don't know anything much more outside of that. Uh he paid child support, but you know, but I remember we we we had an off and on thing before long before that for a minute, and he um broke into my parents' home when they were at work through the bathroom door, through the bathroom window or something, because I wouldn't um I didn't want to. I said, okay, I don't think we can be together. He said, Well, if we're not gonna be together, I'm out of your life and her life, my daughter. And I thought that was pretty judged. But um, yeah, it's been some it's been some trying times. And so when you finally feel like you crawled out of that, you want to hold on to what feels safe and peaceful, even if it's not necessarily the case.

SPEAKER_05 18:07

Safe and peaceful, yeah. Yeah, we romanticize, we romanticize people and we put that image in our in our minds of what we want them to be. And yeah, for women, we're gonna make them that. We're gonna make that man everything that we want him to be. At least that's our thought process. So at least that's what it was when we were younger. But yeah, that that you didn't had some, yeah. I thought I had some little crazy episodes, baby. You might have me be.

SPEAKER_06 18:41

Like now at this point in my life, I'm and and it's it's funny because people not people, people don't always get it when you're kind of like, I'm so content in my solitude. Like, especially right now, like I am good. I had enough other things, I'm good. I like the quiet, peacefulness of it all.

SPEAKER_05 19:07

Like, yes, it's yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely peaceful. You don't have to worry about uh what's for dinner? Um, what time are you coming home? Or when are you getting out of bed? I am not cooking, I'm not getting out of bed till I feel like it, and I am loving it. I'm loving it. It's gonna take a lot for me to give up my solitude and my peace again. And it's not gonna take all the words that we used to take. You know, we used to listen to the words, oh, he loves me, he thinks I'm beautiful, he thinks I'm sexy. Guess what? I think I'm beautiful, I think I'm sexy. So, what would what can you tell me that I don't already feel for myself? Yeah, and even if I don't feel for myself all the time, that's not that's not flattering me from a man. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 20:07

You know what's something I don't know what movie or whatever I was watching, but it reminded me of my dad, um, which is hard for me right now because my dad has been a very strong uh important influence in my life, good and bad and all things, right? But um, but I remember it being said that your dad is his goal is to show you what you accept and know less than that. Whoever it is that comes into your life has to do that and more. So um, I I think what happened with me is I just kind of in general was like, well, they're not too bad. They didn't, that's okay. It's you know, they're not gonna be just like my dad. They're not gonna do, you know, you it's a different generation. It's okay. They don't so they don't get my door all the time. It's okay. And then as I got older and um, you know, and maybe it's unfair, I realized, yeah, it matters to me. Yeah, yeah, it matters because what am I saying about how I feel about myself or my life? Or you know what I mean? Like, I am I gonna always forever just be like, well, it's okay, it didn't happen for me when when I when I can either accept it or not accept it.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

Right.

SPEAKER_06 21:45

And that's you know, and I have to be careful, but you know what I mean, like I can, you know, and and that's in general, that's with friendships, that's with just relationships, you know, it's with it's you set people up for how you. Want to be treated, and that's with anything, that's with you know anything, your your children, and I struggle with that, especially these teenagers nowadays, they a little different, right?

SPEAKER_05 22:13

Yeah, and that's why I tell like even with my daughters, I I tell them when you're dating, don't send your representative, do not send your representative, go in being your true authentic self. Because once that honeymood phase is over and the mask drop, then you're two different people. But if you come in authentically and let somebody see who you are from the beginning, you're letting them choose. Come to me authentically, let me decide if I want to be in your presence and vice versa, if I want you in mind.

SPEAKER_06 22:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 22:53

So I think, yeah. I think you're you're right on that one.

SPEAKER_06 23:00

Now, okay, this this might be a little, this was, I'm sorry, I'm getting right, I'm about to get off grid a little bit.

SPEAKER_05 23:08

It's okay. This is the way our conversations are in real life. So we can be we go from here to here to here to here. So yes, it's okay. It's okay.

SPEAKER_06 23:18

So tell me, okay, so in your in your womanhood, in your life, what has been the the the most beautiful, happiest, euphoric experience that you can think of that that is really cemented in your mind that comes to mind that left an impression on you.

SPEAKER_05 23:44

Pregnancy. I I mean ooh, yes, because I mean, even and I say that because that is a time and a moment where you feel this body inside of you, you can feel that that baby moving, and you know in that moment that it's only you and that baby, and you feel that baby kicking inside of you, and nobody else can feel that. Yeah, and that's just to me, the first time that I felt my my son is my oldest, the first time I felt him kick, I was I almost lost my mind because I thought that was the most amazing feeling that ever happened in my life. And even though when I found out I was pregnant, I was happy, you know, I was still kind of like, okay, yeah, I'm pregnant. You know, I'm I'm a 20-year-old in the military, you know, still green to the world. But when he gave me that kick, oh, this is real, this is mine, this is me, you know, like, yeah, so that pregnancy and childbirth, it's an experience that once it's done, you can't you can't describe, but yet you will never forget that moment. So for me, the most amazing time it was all three of my my births. Now, my second one almost killed us both. Yes, Deja. I'm talking about you. She almost took us out this world, but even in those moments, I was still, you know, it was just an overwhelming feeling that I just brought a life into this world. I don't think that we as women who have had the privilege and the honor to give birth, I don't know that we really sit back and just marvel at what we have done. We created, you know, I guess we can give credit to the men, we can give them some credit here, but we brought our life into this world, we pushed that baby. So, yes, for me, it's that childbirth. It is. I can't I can't think of another moment in my life where on those three occasions that I've been more proud of anything that I've done. I I, you know, and even as they are 34, 29, and 20, I still look at them and like I did that. So yeah, I can't think of anything else that give me anything, like graduations, you know, boot camps, anything that I've done, like that pales in comparison to being a mother, being pregnant and birthing a child. Yeah. What about you?

SPEAKER_06 26:48

You know, I was gonna say the smell of them, like especially when they're when they're baby, baby, babies. When Alonzo was born, our thing, up until he was maybe even two, I would still like hold them in my arm. We would dance around the room to some to uh Stevie Wonder. We would just I would just hold them and and just dance around. And and even in a like Adira, when she was little, she used to like to cuddle with me in the bed, and it was very dangerous for me. But I mean, I would get feet in head and I all the things, but just just having her want to just be that close to me just meant the world. And even like Haley, who probably can't remember because you know, now she's in her 30s, and but I remember all the things, she was just um, she just was, she wanted to please so much that I remember feeling like I had to protect her from the world. Like, you know, but it's not that love, you're right. I mean, there's nothing when you look outside of your door at all the people that the women, of course, the men, but you're right, there's something to say about the fact that they were in our womb, we carried them, and even when they're outside of the womb, we're still mothering, you know what I mean? Even it just never stops, right? So that like there are lessons to learn. And I remember when my daughter went off to boot camp and she wrote me a letter that I'll never forget because it let me know that she was taking in what I'd done, you know, as a parent. And and it was a it was thank you. I heard you, I appreciate that. But then when she she joined the military, as a mom, you're like, oh, you left the nest too soon. Meaning, you know, okay, it's okay joining the military. But she got married and all the things. And I remember we had a really good open and honest conversation, and I said, I feel like you needed some more mom time, mother time. She said, I did. You know, it's a good because you know, even as young women, we're not quite there yet. You know what I mean? Like we still need a little bit of guidance when we were young. You know, now it's our turn. Now it's our turn to help out our young women.

SPEAKER_05 29:33

Yeah, yeah. We're at that age our parents were when they came into to you know, motherhood and adulthood. And I I can I love the fact that me and my children, my son and my two girls, we have such an open dialogue, we have open communication, and I've tried to foster that throughout their their lives because I never wanted them to, of course, they're gonna do it, they're gonna do it regardless. But I always wanted them to know that home was still a safe place. I'm mom, I'm always gonna be mom, but I also want you to understand that you can talk to me about anything. So we used to have, and we still have, it's crazy. My my kids are grown, but we still have this thing called girl talk. And girl talk is where they can come to me and talk to me about anything, and a lot of times it's oversharing, and a lot of times I'm just like, Jesus, I'm sure I did not want to know that. But in the back of my mind, I'm like, thank you for telling me because now I can guide you the proper way, you know, I can tell you what it is, so it's it's so good, and and I feel good about that because they do feel comfortable coming to me and talking to me about things, and it also gives me the opportunity, and I just love this about growth and about how we say changing and stopping generational curses about how our parents navigated with us. I tell my kids all the time, if I messed up, I say, Hey, that wasn't the right way to do this. This is the right way that you should do it. I know that this is what you saw me do. This may have been what I did, but that's not how you navigate that. That's not how you approach that. And I'm so glad that they give me grace and allow me that opportunity too. So parenting doesn't stop. Like you said, it's just like she needed more mother time. Mother time never stops. Yeah, as long as your kids allow it and they have that open mind, mothers, mother, mothers, mothers never stop mothering. I mean, that's true.

SPEAKER_06 31:46

Like if I don't talk to my mom at least once a day, she calling me talking about what's your problem?

SPEAKER_04 31:52

Yeah, right, right, right.

SPEAKER_06 31:54

You know, and I need that. I mean, and and I love my mom, but with moms, moms are not, you know, and and daughters, mothers and daughters, it's a whole thing. But I'm so grateful and so blessed that she's still here when I think about some of my friends whose moms are no longer here, you know, like um we're blessed.

SPEAKER_05 32:18

Very much so.

SPEAKER_06 32:22

So, okay, um, let's see, lessons I've learned.

SPEAKER_05 32:26

Oh, oh goodness, I'm almost scared. What is what we got, Carissa?

SPEAKER_06 32:33

Been dipping into it a little bit. Lessons we learned the hard way. Well, say that again. Lessons we learned the hard way.

SPEAKER_05 32:45

Oh wow. Honey, let's pick one. Lesson. I'm gonna let you go first on this one. I gotta think of this one because uh there's I've learned I think I've learned all my life lessons the hard way because I didn't listen to my mama. What did she know about my life? What does she know? She she didn't know anything about my life, she didn't, she didn't live life, she just became a mother. You didn't have a life before me, so she didn't know anything. So, no, I I don't ooh, honey, that's a that's a pow, a loaded gun question. Good go, you go first. I'm gonna let you tell me all right.

SPEAKER_06 33:34

Let me see. Let's we learn the hard way. Oh, okay. So lessons I learned a hard way is um, and now I'm real big about the I'm really good at this, but being my my own advocate, what happened when I was in my even elementary school or middle school, just because I was too shy to speak up for myself, or I was too this, or I was too intimidated to speak, something always happened that could have been prevented, or there was some kind of chaos when if I had just been my own advocate, then I could have avoided some chaos. So I learned a lot of hard lessons, and there's too many to say, like the hard way by just being my own advocate, even in relationships. Like I if I had just been my own advocate, or then I could have given the app the other person the opportunity to say, okay, I hear you. That's not gonna work for me, and then we could have moved on, or whatever it is, you know what I mean? But um being my own advocate is a big one, and that covers a lot of stuff for me. Yeah, I'm gonna say I hear a lot of background.

SPEAKER_05 34:47

I think the biggest, I don't say the biggest, but one of the lessons life has um taught me is in regards to relationships. And unfortunately, in my younger days, my attitude was I don't need a man, I don't need a man for anything. And I have had this strong, independent, you know, aura going on since I had my son, you know, because that's the way my mom raised me, in a sense, you know what I'm saying? Even though my dad was always around, my mother always said, Don't depend on a man, don't depend on the man. And my dad kind of did it as well, but not to the point where he was saying, Don't let a man be a man, don't, you know, because I saw how he navigated. So I knew what a man was supposed to do and how a man operates, and so I knew that. But I think my biggest mistake was in my relationships. I tried to wear the pants, and I did not allow my partners to be the man that they needed to be. And some of my relationships, I emasculated the men just just by my sheer being. Like I could change my own oil, I can change my tires, I can, you know what I'm saying. I worked on cars with my dad for a long time, so I knew how to do a lot of things. I put I I put my all my stuff together in my house, I can mount my TVs. When I was pregnant with my last daughter, I fixed my washer by myself. So I I never really knew how to let that guard down and let somebody in to be that man that he was destined to be and what God had intended him to be. And now that I'm older, I realize that, you know, had I been a little more gentle, a little softer, I I may not have, I don't know, I may have had more successful relationships than I did. But it's hard when you definitely, you know, you've had to be that breadwinner, you've had to be the mother, you had to be that person in the household. Yeah. It's hard to relinquish that because it takes a lot of trust. Yeah. It takes a lot of trust in the person. And for me, with my personality and being a Virgo, you you you only got maybe I might give you twice to show me that you're not that person, and then I'm gonna know you're not that person, and I I'm not gonna trust you. Yeah, so my biggest life lesson, I you know, just well, not the biggest, but one of the biggest is just just not allowing a man to be a man, and just just being a woman, and a lot of times life hasn't let me just be the woman to just you know, not to have to worry about the electric, water, gas, car, school tuition, school lunches, you know, life hasn't afforded me a lot of opportunities to just be. Yeah, because it's always just been me. Most of the time. I can't say it was all the time because you know, but yeah, I wish I would have been a little more gentler. Yeah, that's one of the lessons that life has taught me.

SPEAKER_06 38:34

That, but that makes sense too, and and it's like sometimes it's a matter of it's like survival because before I got married, I was like it even after I got married, there were still pieces of me. If I if you're proving to me you can't do a thing, then I'll step in and do the thing. Whatever it is, whether it's you know the laundry, you know what I'm saying? If if if you're showing me more than one time, like you said, then I'm not gonna be bothered. I'm just gonna go ahead and do it. If I need a uh to put a fan up, I'm just gonna put the fan up. I'm just gonna figure, you know, you know what I mean, all those things. And it's and I get it's can it's really kind of we're the product of our of our of our parents. So so my mom, I remember she told me, um, because she had so many brothers and um only one other sister, her her mom made her, you know, do things like cook dinner, cook this. My mom was so anti-that. So growing up, like we talked about the macaroni and cheese thing. She didn't do real macaroni and cheese, she did crap, she was just working. But she did her thing. Instead, she's she liked hanging out with her dad and learned how to change the oil. Now, this is she 80. You you know what I mean. Think about the time. But she was into things like that. She was playing softball. She was, you know, so I got to see that in just growing up when things get to, you know, the furniture you got to put together, it was mom. It was mom in hindsight, always putting it together. And now it's always me. You know what I mean? Whether I'm married or not, it was always me because well, number one, I'm not gonna wait for somebody to do it because it won't get done. And number two, if I know how to do it, then I'll just do it. You know what I mean? And that, but that could be difficult for your person, you know what I'm saying? Like, that could be kind of hard. But on the other hand, how I justified it is well, I'm avoiding an argument. You know, why wait for the person to say they'll do it when who knows when it'll get done? Like this is this was funny. Even then it was sort of funny, but it shouldn't have been funny. So um the house that I it when we first moved here, what was I doing in the attic? I was doing, I was either putting stuff up, I was putting stuff in the attic that had been setting up for a long time, and I and you know, I asked my husband to put it in the attic, and he was kind of like he'll get to it when he gets to it. And I was kind of like tired of looking at the thing, so it I managed to take it up to the attic. The problem is coming down, and he he was really good at taking up to the attic and knew where to step and where not to step. I didn't know where to step and where not to step. And I stepped in something, and my whole right side of my body, my leg, my thigh, my hip went through. So I'm holding on to the rails, not even a rail, like the the beams, and I'm like, Michael, because I'm hanging in the ceiling, and he was like, I I told you I was gonna make it. You done had a whole movie scene at your house, you know, and so you know, um, I'm like, just just put me, just put me. And I'm writing it down, and so that hole stayed up there for a while. And since I I made the hole, then I fixed the hole. Not my husband, not anybody else. I did the research, I got the tools I needed, and I fixed the hole in my ceiling. But but sometimes you get tired of being that girl because I still have to do other things too. Like I still have to uh have a mind for um to care for my son who's on the spectrum and do that. You know, I still have to you know navigate this teenage daughter, you know what I'm saying? I still feel and then I still had to work. So do that and be the handyman. At sometimes we put ourselves in those positions because we allowed it, you know. Exactly.

SPEAKER_05 43:26

And that's why I'm saying it just goes back to that it's self-sabotage, but yeah, it's what we know. I you know, I saw my mom be the softer side, I saw her be the homemaker. Uh I mean, she used to cook from scratch, everything for my dad. Like I'm talking when he came home from work, dinner on the stove, you know, dinner on the table, hot, waiting for him. Bathwater ran the whole nine yards. So I saw that. So it's not as if I don't know how or didn't you know, didn't see that, but I also saw After they were divorced, I saw her be that independent woman. A mom worked construction for 20 plus years.

SPEAKER_06 44:09

Wow.

SPEAKER_05 44:10

Yeah. So when I say she's my superhero. Because baby, she did it. And just knowing me, just knowing her background and things that she went through in her life. Man. Yeah. So that's where I kind of get that part where you you can't fail. Yeah. But in that, again, I just I never allowed that aspect of my life to be soft. So lessons learned, lessons learned. I guess better late than never.

SPEAKER_06 44:49

Right. I think so. So this can be your soft girl, your soft girl era. Is that the thing now?

SPEAKER_05 44:57

I don't know if that's for women our age, but yeah, I'm gonna claim it. This is my let me sit pretty when I say this. This is my soft girl era. And what is that? Like, I like um it is is it's what we were just talking about. It's just the fact of us actually relinquishing those tendencies to want to be in charge of everything, just relinquishing that that must-have control aspect. Let me sit back and be loved. Let me sit back and let this man love me properly, not tell him how I want to be loved. You know, let this man love me. Let me sit back and and get my nails done, get my feet done, and look pretty for this man, not coming out with this bonnet on and yo, what's up, you know? Let let us we're I think they're I think it's trying to get back to what women were our grandmothers, you know? Yeah, yeah. Elegance, you know, keeping yourself up, making sure that when you come out, that you are together. And I and I think that's what a lot of a lot of our generation or the new generation, that's what they're that we're missing and we're lacking. Because where we were working so hard being independent women, we forgot to be cute. Because we're too busy mothering and fixing and laundering and this. And by the time we do all that, I'm not trying to do no hair, I'm not trying to put on makeup, I'm gonna put on a raggedy t-shirt, some sweatpants, and some sneakers, and run out to this game. So I think that's what the soft girl era is, just trying to get back to being women.

SPEAKER_06 46:44

Yeah, yeah, I get that, and that kind of leads into this question, yeah. Really, like, so uh, what would you tell your younger selves?

SPEAKER_05 46:57

For me, I would tell my younger self, and it depends on how young we're going.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

It doesn't work younger self.

SPEAKER_05 47:08

Yeah, I for so I'm gonna say for me, I'm gonna start, you know, when I left home and tell my younger self not to be so naive. You know, don't believe what everybody tells you. Don't believe, like, huh gosh, I was so green. I I just a man could tell me the sky was purple, and I'm like, as long as you love me, it can be purple, you know. I was so I don't know, because I guess maybe because I was like a little sheltered a little bit, just a little bit, because I still was sneaking out the house. Don't y'all tell my mom I was sneaking out, but I was still kind of like when I left home and went into the military, I was freaked. And I was fuck wild. And I think I would tell my younger self, you know, just don't be so naive, don't be so so eager to listen and believe, you know, love yourself first.

SPEAKER_06 48:16

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 48:19

I I looking back on my life, I I don't I can't say that I love myself, you know, in the terms of what we think about now. When we were younger, I don't remember anybody talking about loving yourself, you know. Those those contexts and conversations are more modern terms and terminology, but if I put that terminology on my life then, I didn't love myself, I couldn't have loved myself and navigated the way that I did. So, yeah, those would be the things that I would tell younger me is, you know, just love yourself a little bit more.

SPEAKER_06 48:59

Yeah, I think for me, it would like listen to those those those instincts keeping you safe. Listen to your instincts, they're keeping you safe because there are so many times where um if I had just listened to those instincts, and not what I call those instincts, sorry, that's God whispering to me. Yes, he's telling me what what the direction to go or what not to go, and when I don't listen to that, even now, like it's like, oh man, at least now I can recognize it right away, like let's go recorrect, let's correct that right away.

SPEAKER_02 49:44

Right.

SPEAKER_06 49:49

Lower self-esteem. Okay, even though this group of friends, you know, whatever it is, it could be so many things. And for me, and this might be hard for maybe some family members to hear, and um, but I had there was someone in my family, she was she was oh, she's no longer with us, um, and it's on my mom's side, but one of and and I carried those words she said with me, but she said to me one day, and I don't know if I was in middle school or or um elementary school, she was very fair skinned, and she said to me, you know, um, you sure are pretty to be so dark, right? So I would tell my younger self a lot of things, right? But I didn't have the bandwidth at the time to fix that and didn't really know what to do with this, but I carried it with me through my whole rest of my life, and I used to love to be around this relative, but I no longer really, and I couldn't really even name it back then, I can now, you know what I mean, but um because she made me feel there was something wrong with me, and so like I I remember in high school, um I tried out for the cheerleading team. I've been in dance my whole life, so those things kind of came natural, right? I made the team, but something in me didn't show up, and I just didn't go to one single nothing. I didn't go because something was something, and because a lot of the girls on the team were, I think there was maybe one that was one or two that was chocolatey, everybody else was really pale or white, and I and I just something at that time I just still felt less than you know what I mean. Now I love my melanin, and people don't understand when I'm like, I'm gonna sit in the sun, they're like, for what? Because it feels good on my skin, and I like being chocolate, especially in the summertime, but but you know, but it was like I would tell my younger self that you are enough, and that's that person's problem, you know. But back then I I didn't I hadn't figured out how to to work my way through that for a while, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 52:43

And the sad part about that is that that carries with us even even as adults, we still carry those pieces with us. We do. It's hard to shake things that were embedded into you as a young child because what you just said, I am enough. I at that my big age have to remind myself sometimes, girl, you are enough. You are enough because sometimes we feel so inadequate based on things that have happened to us in our lives, and then when we get in certain situations, we start we start feeling that way again because something has triggered something inside of us, and yeah, yeah, but I'm glad that you came to a point where you can love the skin you're in because I think the skin is useful, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 53:40

I hadn't always felt it, like I was like, you know, it's like next to my sister, and we're close in skin tone, obviously. But she had a little ruby under something red going underneath her skin. Then she had that beautiful hair, and I was but God knew he was doing it because if he gave me that, then would tell me nothing. Oh goodness, right? But there was always something, you know, and then I was the big sister, so I remember mom would tell me because she had to go to work early morning, and dad had to do breakfast, but um, get your sister's hair together, and I remember just brushing her hair, and it was like it just felt like silk. I'm like, how nice, you know. But um yeah, we all have something, but you know what? Something as we go through as adults that that we do, whether we're aware of it or not, and we talked about this too, is how we compare ourselves to where we think we should be based on our peers. Oh my goodness. I I you know, like we don't, and Facebook will kill your your whole being if you if you allow that, you know, like so-and-so is a Pulitzer Prize winner, or what, you know, I'm exaggerating, but some of my classmates doing these beautiful things, but but but in general, I'm not that kind of person. For me, it's I love to see it. And and I'm a cheerleader, right? But then I still look at myself like, what did I do wrong that I'm not there yet? You know what I mean? Like, I what choices did I make in my life that made my way so much more difficult? But the truth is I don't know that they don't put it on Facebook, we don't know how difficult their path was or was not. You know what I mean? We don't know what they went through. So um, but I have to, and and I'm I'm you know, I'm not there now because I just am who I am, and that's just kind of what it is, you know what I'm saying? And and I'm cool with that, but I can see how that could be a problem because um we're we do it naturally anyway, you know what I mean? Like we just do this at work, we do it at school, we do it at, you know, we just can't help it. We're like, well, what am I doing wrong? Why am I not there yet? Where are we trying to get to? Maybe that's not where I'm supposed to be. That's not what that's not for me. I have a I have a whole different story, you know what I mean? A whole different train arrive. Why am I trying to hop the train? There's a train that got nothing to do with me. I think we have to just kind of own that.

SPEAKER_05 56:47

We do, we definitely do, and and we just always have to keep in mind that uh, you know, that old saying and that old adage, the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and even if their grass is greener, it's not your grass. Water your own grass, make your own way. But you know, it's it is kind of hard if you know with that with the eye of social media and how it is intertwined in our lives. Um it's kind of hard not to say, okay, I work every day, I make decent money, but boy, I see her out here, she got the the new Louis, she he got this. Is he wearing a Rolex? I know that joker ain't got no job. What's going on? Like, like you know, but then you gotta pop it back into reality, baby. You don't know what that girl had to go through to get that bag. She might have been she might have been getting her ass beat, she might have had to sell a little thing for some strange, for some change, something, you know. We gotta stop looking for our past and other people, but like it's hard because we are human, we're gonna compare ourselves, especially with people we know, you know, people we kind of grew up with. Like, what are they doing? But I I I try not to because then I look at them like, wait a minute, I ain't I ain't doing too bad, you know. Yeah, we just gotta be thankful and and be proud of where we are, and I think sometimes we sell ourselves short in our own accomplishments because we're we don't look at ourselves. I think I wrote it um something down to this to the effect of don't be so critical of yourself that you can't acknowledge your self-worth. So if we're so overly critical of ourselves, we knock all of our accomplishments, you know. If you're over could oh, I could have done this and I could have done that, okay. You could have, but tell me what you really did. Tell me what you did, Sharon. And what did you accomplish from that? And if you look at what you've majorly accomplished, even the small accomplishments, I mean, take those wins, those are accomplishments. Don't just critique yourself because of the way you got to it. Yeah, applaud yourself for getting there. So I think, yeah, we we lose sight of that when we're looking at other people and what they have.

SPEAKER_06 59:16

Oh my goodness, absolutely. Okay, before we move on, so I already told you that um, so this spoiled child stuff.

SPEAKER_05 59:29

It's got collagen, right?

SPEAKER_06 59:31

It's that collagen, and so I I love it. Not everybody it's kind of thick, not everybody takes it. I try to do it um at least once. Oh I do, I try to do once a day, and I think it's about two tablespoons. I've actually done a tablespoon before. So, what's the flavor? Um, this is mango. Okay. I didn't know mango. And I want to try the pineapple. This is good, so it's good for my skin, my nails. My nails need some help. But I got that that black girl skin.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:11

I was gonna say, is that why is that your glow? Is that your glow serum right there?

SPEAKER_06 1:00:15

Well, a lot of it is because of collagen, I think that's what helps, but a lot of it is mama. Okay, it's mama. But I'm telling you, I have noticed when I do this constantly, um, I do feel a little spongy. Okay. I do feel spongy. So I'm trying to do, I'm trying to do right in general, um, you know, with more water. Today I had uh I had this, it's it's this big back in the day when you went to the hospital, they would give you a big mug jug thing. They don't do it anymore, I don't think, but it was like 30 ounces of water, and I have done at least seven or eight of those today.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:02

Oh, go ahead, girl. I applaud that. That's great.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:06

Yeah, I'm trying to, I'm trying to do right. I am trying to do right.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:10

Yeah, but you have to encourage me a little I'm trying, I am trying.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:21

Um I was gonna say like I like I should, but the truth is like I don't work out.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:30

So listen, listen.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:43

Dance, what do you do? Anything?

SPEAKER_05 1:01:45

Um so on occasion I might dance with my seniors at work, but I I I try to walk a lot at work. Well, one, because I'd hate sitting in the office. I uh I loathe that part of my job. I do not like sitting in the office. I don't like the paperwork. I love being out and mingling and and interacting with my seniors, so I try to walk, but um yeah, so what had happened was I might be a little bit exercise. Yeah, I think that's all I really want to work out. I do, yeah, I really want to, but by the time if I don't do it before I get home, it's not gonna get done because once I get home and I get into my space, and I'm just like, I don't have to go back out that door as long as I got my bag coke and some snacks and whatever, but I would love to work out, I would love to get fit because that's another thing. I'm comparing myself to these women on the internet. You hear me? Yeah, 75-year-old women coming out here with the voluptuous papals, and I'm over here with the voluptuous bloop loops. No, I yeah, I love to actually work out, but I'm lazy, I'm lazy, and I'm I'm in the middle of my life right now. Yeah, I don't even want exercise to interrupt that.

SPEAKER_06 1:03:17

But for me, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna lie, I don't like to exercise. But I do like to stay fit, right? Walking is good, walking is a good idea, it's a good idea that I have to make more than just an idea. Like I have to and one thing that I also love to do is dance. Like, I don't know, um, like I love different types of dance. I just like dance, but I I haven't I haven't done any of it. I even know how I'm sort of in shape, you know, except for I I move around fast. Even at work, I'm like I don't walk slow, it's hard to catch up to me when I'm walking. You know what I mean? And that's because I don't do anything else, you know. I thought I do need to do something, I'm recognizing that.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:05

Well, maybe we can motivate each other to do better. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, I need to.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:14

You know, um, someone invited us to walk. So my neighbor, the the my old neighbor, the one that you met, she came to church on Sunday, came to my church on Sunday. She saw our net and she's like, Yes, you guys, I don't want to go walking. She walks all the time. Well, she used to, she stopped. She used to walk, she would be up at 6 30 walking in the neighborhood, her and her daughter, it was great. But um, I did it one like once or twice. That's just that my you know, hmm. But uh, but yeah, something just you know anything, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:51

I I really would, you know, what I really would love to get into is yoga. I would really love to do yoga. I I I did one class at the senior center with my seniors, and I actually enjoyed it, and and what really motivated me to want to do it more is because the 70-year-old woman was out stretching me, and I said, No, no, no, no, no, no, we got to fix this shade. You got to fix this, so yeah, because I was like, Hold up, I can do that. No, I can't, so yeah, I really want to do some yoga. I don't know. Maybe I'll get to it.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:27

Yeah, I mean, that's all not maybe. Okay, so you know I'm about to do, and now I know you want to do it. I'm checking in with you. I mean, I'm not gonna harass you or anything, but I am gonna ask you about it. But you know, I need to um go to a dance class, like one of the Tanya.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:45

Oh, Tanya is amazing, yes.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:48

You know, she doesn't know. Uh uh, that's that sounds scary.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:56

We should just try it one day.

SPEAKER_06 1:05:58

Well, it's a dance boot camp.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:00

Nah, I don't think it's a dance book. I don't think she danced.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:03

And I'll grab it.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:11

But I don't think we'll have to find something that's good for all of us to try.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:19

Whatever that is. She said, no, let's not push it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:27

Well, I am just so glad that we got to chit-chat, but you know, and we kept it. I'm so proud of us because we be cutting up on the phone. Um sometimes. And lately, I have just been in the habit of wanting to check in with you almost every day. I hope that's not like every day.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:54

I think it's kind of what we both needed, and what we both need. And I I have to do better um at being more intentional with my friends. Um, because I'm the person that will sit back and I'm gonna talk to you for a couple months, and I'm um like you good, I'm good, we good, we'll catch up. But I know that's not the proper way to be, you know. So I'm trying to be more intentional with the people that I love and the people that I care about, and just even if it's just shooting a text, what's good? You good, you know. So I'm fine with the everyday calls. I it's not actually me, you know. You know, outside of my kids who call me um all day. Um nobody really calls my phone. I wish that could do kind of like curb my phone bill based on the usage, because I probably would have like a five dollar a month phone bill because I don't really use the phone like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:07:56

But I'm trying to do better too, and because I'm one of those people too that I'm kind of but that but that got me into trouble because I was too self-sufficient, but I wasn't. I just thought I was, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:11

Like Virgo isn't yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:08:14

So I I'm trying to do better at just checking in on people, like I might shoot Rachel at text, like, you know, happy Friday, and now I'm corny. You see, I'll just be good morning, ladies. Nothing Lily wants to say, have a great day.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:30

Well, I have another group of friends that we are in a group chat, and honestly, some days that's all we do. One of our friends will send out a good morning meme and then we'll respond to it, or you know, one day I'll shoot out good morning, ladies, make it a great day on purpose. So, and some days that's all that's all that you have the bandwidth to do is say good morning, and then maybe later say goodnight. And sometimes it's not that, it's just but the fact that you just had that connection just for that one moment is is cool. Yeah, I like that. I get it, I get it. So even if you do put in the group text, good morning, that that's sometimes we need that, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:11

Sometimes that's that's it, and that can just but you know, that that's good, yeah, and and it's getting out of my own head, you know what I'm saying? It's like it's not I yeah, of course I want a good morning, but I want my friends to have a good morning. I want them to know that I want them to have a good morning. I want them to know that I want the best for you on this day, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:31

Somebody thought about you, you know. Yeah, yeah, because some you know, yeah, yeah. This don't call me early in the morning. I am such a bright early birth. No, my girls be calling me like Ma, what's wrong?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:47

I'm asleep.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:49

First of all, I had to get up, then I had to get dressed, and now I gotta go to work. You tell me what's wrong.

SPEAKER_06 1:09:57

Right. Oh my god, so yeah, um it's so funny. Like, I have in my head what friends cool with what because I know you are you prefer, for instance, a 12:30 service. Like you are, you know, you get up later, but then I have another friend that we've been friends since kindergarten who will call me at six in the morning, or you know, she will call me and she knows I'm gonna answer because I'm up, right? But it's I I love it. I just love, you know.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:28

I have an aunt that texts me and the family every morning, weekends included, no later than 6 05 a.m. Every day, Monday through Saturday. Now we've gotten so used to it that if we don't get it, now we're texting her. You okay? Hello? Then why are you not texting? Why are you not like sending it? Right, and so I I'm okay with it as long as you understand that I might not text back till about noon. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:07

I sometimes, you know, yeah, I'm terrible at that. I have a cousin that's like, I've been trying to cut call you or text you and and and voicemail. Do people do voicemail now? Because I I don't I don't unless I know I'm expecting a call, but I don't really listen to my voicemail. Like, you really gotta text me. Yeah, basically.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:29

Yeah, and I I don't know if you look at your phone right now and see how many unread texts you have, you'll probably laugh at yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:41

I'm scared.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:43

I I cleaned mine out a while ago, but I'm still good at it.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:49

I have I don't I have so many things in here.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:54

235 unread emails. I mean unread text messages on my phone.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:00

Two how much?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:03

235 unread.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:06

How do you know? See, see, Sharon, you know, I'm a little challenged. Okay, so mine says 115.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:18

Text messages or emails?

SPEAKER_06 1:12:21

Text messages.

SPEAKER_05 1:12:23

Oh, oh, baby, I am sitting pretty over here then. No, nobody can talk about me ever, ever again.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:30

That means I haven't come out, right?

SPEAKER_05 1:12:32

That's what that because I hate to see what your emails are looking like then. Because if that's a thousand, your emails got to be. I ain't gonna question my emails. Yeah, so I I'm bad at all this. Yeah, it's bad. I need to fix my communication, I really do. And and yeah, note to self.

SPEAKER_06 1:12:52

Yeah, I need to clean that. That could be why I'm running out of space on my phone. It is, yeah, that's what it is.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:03

It is, it is. Did we get through all of our questions?

SPEAKER_06 1:13:07

Okay, I think there's one more question, it's an awkward question. I don't okay. Let me see. Can you tell them how we can answer this? You ready? Uh girl, let me tell you what happened.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:26

Girl, let me tell you what happened. So picture it, it was 2019. I was dating this guy. We ain't gonna tell you why I was dating him, but I know why I was dating him after I looked at it. But let me tell you, I'm dating this guy, girl. I'm thinking I'd have got me a knife a little something, something right. I said, No, I remember when we were talking about the intuition. Yes, I said, bitch, give back. That's what I told intuition. I said, Step the hell off. I know what I'm doing. I got this, you got this. Okay, just calm down. You nothing wrong with this dude. Intuition, there's nothing wrong with this dude, nothing at all. Spending time at the crib. I girl, I even had the audacity, the goal, the gumption, to give this man a key to my place. Okay, oh boy, because I'm in love. He everything was okay. You feel me? We feel me, you feel me. Girl, come to find out, I was at a polyamorous freaking relationship and didn't know it. Because not only was he seeing me, he was saying two other brothers. What let me tell you, and when I found out, I exposed his ass because you know this one of the moments that I'm gonna be a little conceited. Who the hell do you think girl? So I outed him, called the good the girl. I can't remember how it went, but she called me talking about, oh, he ain't messing with you, he ain't this, he ain't that. Can I send you the pictures? Because I got pictures of him laying up in my bed. Not that I'm bragging, but please believe me, I ain't gonna lie about no piece of meat, because that's one thing I ain't never had to do. So, yes, girl, I was in a whole polyamher's relationship and did not even know it, didn't know it. So why are you telling the other girl that no? This is the kicker. Because one thing for certain, two things for sure. I ain't chasing no man, never had that will. Well, never mind, it depends on who it is. I might have to do a little scoot, a little hot skipping a jump. Man chasing this Negro had the audacity to say that I was chasing him to this girl, and I told her, I said, baby, look at me. Do it look like I'm chasing anything. Well, I'm just telling you a girl that said, I'm like, No mom talking about baby. I love you, I don't want to leave you, I'm gonna marry you. You just had me in a whole poly relationship and didn't even ask me. I might have liked the sister wife, didn't even give me the opportunity to say yes or no. Give me the choice, yes. I mean, I mean, it could have been, you know, I could have had a sister wife, but you didn't ask me, you just wanted to be a hoe. Girl, yeah, yeah, huh. No, the the kicker is is that his friends knew about it and was upholding all the bullshit. His friends, which were my friends, knew about it and was upholding his bullshit. Oh, that's dirty. But at the end of the day, I don't blame him. I damn sure don't blame the girls. I blame me. I blame me because I should have known that he was a no-good something another. But I told intuition to stay stay the hell back. Ladies, listen to your intuition I was not ready for that. I wasn't ready either, because this man was telling me a pipe dream and I was listening to it. Oh man. I was listening to it. I you know, and I was, you know, but but as I when I when I stepped back out of it and got out of my got out of the out of my head, I knew why I was so adamant and listening and believing to what he was saying. I I know what it was. I'm gonna keep that part to me, but I know what it was that made me want to believe so badly in what he was saying. I couldn't believe it.

SPEAKER_06 1:18:46

And it was the right time, evidently. You're like, you know what I mean? Like because it was how they say the perfect storm.

SPEAKER_05 1:18:58

Yeah, yeah. That was the perfect storm while my little world over here was collapsing, colliding, and I'm I'm trying to kind of like get rid of a stalker-like type situation. He swoops in and everything's gonna be all right. I'm gonna be your protector. And my protector had slime all over him, just slid right on down.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:22

Like, no.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:24

So, yeah, that's my girl. Let me tell you. I got some more, but we'll just stop there for today.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:30

Oh Lord, I got a lot, but I can't tell them yet. Yeah, I feel you. I can't wait. Look, it's just I just oh I'm ready to release.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:44

Just put down on paper. So the next time we got this, we we just gonna we're gonna have to have a three-part series. Yes, we are.

SPEAKER_06 1:19:53

Uh, I'm so glad that I got you to do this because I and and I hope you know you're doing this again because you know that I'm here for it.

SPEAKER_05 1:20:04

I am here for it. Yeah, but it's nothing like having, and we we said this, those organic conversations that you can just let it flow and let it let it come off. And uh this is what this is what sisterhood is, is this is what it's about, you know, sisterhood, friendship, those genuine connections, those authentic connections. It's what it is, it's what it is, and I feel like the way we met, the way it flourished, it it's not forced, it's not fake. This is truly what it is.

SPEAKER_06 1:20:38

Yeah, I I love that. You know what I think is even more special about a friendship is when even in an uncomfortable moment you can bounce back from it. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, that's like, oh then, that's my sister then. You know what I'm saying? It's like it's just I'm just so I'm I'm so blessed to have met you. Well, you know, I don't know if you if I've already told your story to you or not, but when we first met and I was working um with you, and I knew right away that we kind of had a a connection, like you know, where it could be, but I remember like being kind of nervous because you were my boss. I was like, no, I don't like I I felt I felt conflicted because I'm like, and also, you know, I to be honest with you, being a former military wife, I used to hop around every three years, I was really good at not really connecting. I always connected enough just because I knew in three years I'd be going somewhere else, you know what I mean? And quite honestly, I kind of dug that. You know what I mean? I never really had to be truly vulnerable. I never really had to be truly, truly, you know, I mean, didn't have to bring nobody really all the way in.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:10

Right.

SPEAKER_06 1:22:11

So it was, I remember being conflicted. I didn't even talk to Michael about how much I liked you as a and as a friend, as a a boss, but as a friend, but I said, Oh no, she's my boss. And you said something to me, and I and I remember feeling what did you say? You said, look, I'm Sharon at work, but I'm Shay. You can call me, I'm Shay, whatever. And it took me the longest time, and still, I still will say Shar. You know what I mean? But I am like on purpose realizing what a gift you are to me, and like I am gonna honor this. Like, this is Shay. I am worthy to come to I conflicted with that for the longest time. So I'm like, she my balls, it's weird sometimes.

SPEAKER_05 1:23:07

I remember you told me this like after you left. You told me this.

SPEAKER_06 1:23:11

I'm like, girl, like what? Yeah, yeah, but but it's everything worked out like for um the way it's supposed to. I'm so glad. Yes, you're one of mine, and I know, like, and the crazy thing is I I know that I have to share you because the the beautiful person that person that you are, I know what kind of friend you are to me. I can imagine what kind of friend you are to people who you've known for a longer time than me. You know what I mean? So it's like, uh although I'm about to claim you as my sister girl friend forever and ever, then I know that you are because you're just that you're just that girl, you're just that woman. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 1:23:55

Okay, that's enough, that's enough, that's enough. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_06 1:24:01

But see, see how it just when we do this all the time, sometimes but you know, at the same time, you have to you have to see that in somebody else to be able to give it.

SPEAKER_05 1:24:16

So clearly you've been that person to me as well, for me to have been so open to you, you know what I mean. So while you're sitting here giving me flowers, I gotta give you your flowers too, because it's not a lot of people that I just let up in my space. It's it's not. Um I'm not saying I I I like what I do at work, but in my private life, my circle is kind of small because of you know, just trauma. And two, I just people just who, but that's because of you too. You you showed me a side of you that I can trust. And you and Erneta were what I needed in that center when I needed you. You two knew the battle that I was facing, and you all were my rocks in that time, you all were my pillars in those moments. So it's not that I I was just feeding off of you all. You all were you all showed me love, you all were like, okay, yeah, so we forget all this work, work, work. We were able to have moments where we just love on each other, and that was what I needed at that time, and I that's where that bond. That's why share. If you want it like that, then we could be sharing from eight to five, and that's five to say what's up, what we do, like that's what we can do. I have to separate it because like you know, I don't like you at work, but when we get off girl, let me tell you what right, yeah. So those words, but thank you for those words. But it it's it's it's what you know you you get you get out of people what you put into them, and I I disbelieve that if you pour into your friendships, pour into your relationships, you know, you should get all that back, yeah, yeah. Plus, you good people, girl, you good people.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:26

What's right, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:26:29

There's that, there's that, there's that, yeah. Yeah, thank you for that. Thank you for that. I'm gonna do, you know, whatever I can do for someone, I'm gonna try to do it if it's in if it's in my purview, it's in my powers, my ability, and they need me, I'm gonna be there. That's all I can do.

SPEAKER_06 1:26:49

Look, oh, I know you hate you hate that I'm about to say this, but I know you gotta go to work tomorrow. I ain't even I don't even know what I'm patting, but so I I'm gonna have to let you go so you can get some rest, get that beauty sleep, and get up and go to the job.

SPEAKER_05 1:27:12

I appreciate that. Thank you so much for asking me to do this. Or what did you say? Twist my arm, girl. You ain't never gotta twist my arm. Only thing you gotta do is ask, and I'm gonna be there. I love it. Okay, well, thank you. You're welcome, and thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_06 1:27:30

And I can't wait till we do this again. Of course. You stay put, we're gonna sign off, so we'll see you all the next time. Bye.