Unapologetically Becoming

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*🎙️ Be PHREEE with Charissa Marie | Episode 5: Unapologetically Becoming | Featuring Toshara Joy*

What does it look like to embrace change, rediscover yourself, and become who you were always meant to be?

In this inspiring episode of **Be PHREEE with Charissa Marie**, I sit down with **Toshara Joy**, an interior designer, content creator, and storyteller whose work beautifully explores the connection between our personal style, the spaces we create, and the stories we live.

Together, we discuss what it means to become unapologetically yourself while navigating life's transitions with purpose, grace, and authenticity.

✨ *Meet Toshara Joy*

Toshara is an *interior designer and content creator documenting life in transition.*

Her work lives at the intersection of *personal style, physical space, and story.* She believes that the way we dress and the environments we create influence how we move through life, make decisions, and continue to evolve.

She is currently accepting interior design clients through *Designery Company* while sharing home inspiration, style, and the real life in between across her social platforms.

*Connect with Toshara Joy:*

🌐 Website: [https://www.tosharajoy.com/](https://www.tosharajoy.com/)
📺 YouTube: @sharaslays
[   / @sharaslays  ](   / @sharaslays  )

📸 Instagram: [  / sharaslays  ](  / sharaslays  )

📘 Facebook: [  / toshara.braxton  ](  / toshara.braxton  )

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💛 Connect with Charissa Marie

🌐 Website: [https://www.bephreee.com/](https://www.bephreee.com/) ([bephreee.com][1])

📺 YouTube:
[   / @charissamariewantsu2bephreee  ](   / @charissamariewantsu2bephreee  )

📸 Instagram:
[  / iamcharissamarie  ](  / iamcharissamarie  )

📘 Facebook:
[  / bephreee  ](  / bephreee  )

🛍️ Shop:
[https://www.bephreee.com/shop](https://www.bephreee.com/shop)

📧 Business Inquiries:
[hello@bephreee.org](mailto:hello@bephreee.org) ([bephreee.com][1])

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💬 *If this conversation encouraged you, don't forget to:*
👍 Like the video
💬 Leave a comment
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Remember...

**Be Purposeful.
Be Healed.
Be Resilient.
Be Empowered.
Be Enlightened.
Be Evolving.**

*Be PHREEE.*

https://www.bephreee.com/?utm_source=... "Charissa Marie.Com Empowering, Enlightening and ..."

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Show transcript

Charissa Marie Wants You To Be P.H.R.E.E.E

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Hello, I'm Carissa Marie, and this is Be Free with Carissa Marie, and I am so excited to see everybody today. And this has been a fun journey, just kind of diving back into this. And I have a very special, special guest. She made such an impression on me when I first met her. It was like a business mixer, some kind of a new word, it was a business mixer. And that's when I first met her. And she just was whether she realizes it, it was just a ball of light. And she is a her own, she's an entrepreneur and she's young. She's doing things much smarter and much better than I ever could have at her age. And this is Mr. Shara Choy.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

So say hello.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

Hi. So excited for our chat today. We always have a good time talking. It's always very uh insightful for both of us. So I'm excited.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Yes. So when I first met you, um, I met you, you had this business and a very special knack for taking clothes that one already has and reimagining it. But you are a seamstress, so you would you could create whole like magic. You could just, you know, I was just doing you could, and uh, I remember looking at your page and your website thinking, uh yeah, that that's something. And I told you, but you I don't know if you believe me, but I went to um Goodwill. Whenever I go there, I go thinking I'm gonna find a gym and I'm gonna make something out of this, right? But you inspired that because before I would just go to Goodwill, like, oh maybe, but I couldn't see the vision. Now I go there what I could do with it. It's like a whole new thing.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

I'm like, oh that's awesome. I it's crazy because it's like it feels like it was so long ago, and people still to this day will ask me to bring out the sewing machine and and do projects, and I'm like, I'm out the game, but I I love that that has stayed with you and that it has inspired you to shop secondhand and you know to have your own twist on it. So that makes me really happy to hear.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yeah, and and I'm gonna be sharing your page too, um, with the folks. Your sense of style is so cool and funky, you know. I mean, it's like so it's like the things you put together. I'm like, huh, this is what it that's what it was. I told you, I saw you in a it looked like it could have been a men's jacket that you altered, and there were it was sleeves, sleeveless, but how you hooked it up was really like crazy sexy cool. I'm like, oh I gotta go find a jacket like that, so I can do it like that.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

Yeah, and at the time at the time people were like manufacturing them like that, but they were like very cheaply made. I think like Zara at the time, I was like, ah, if I'm gonna spend money, which I probably wouldn't even have to spend as much, but at least I could have something that's quality, one of one. And I think a lot of it is inspired just by like, you know, what is in now, but how can I make it more affordable and also more quality? Because I think at this time, like everything is kind of like very cheaply made. So yeah, a lot of that.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Yeah, I noticed that too. Uh when I discover my own closet, some of my favorite things I've had for like 20 years, 15 years, but they were made solidly, you know what I mean? And uh they they the the new stuff that I buy from some of the places, especially women's clothing, sometimes not always is happening, has been having a little technical difficulties, but um the women's clothing in particular sometimes is just poorly made, and like I'm offended, you know what I mean? Like the men's stuff is all nice and tailored and all that, and the women's stuff is just kind of like thrown together, so yeah. Some of my my my best things I've had for a long, a long time. But it's fun to figure out oh, how can I yeah, yeah, okay. So you uh now right now, whenever I see you, um you are um beautiful and you've got you've done something magical with some men. So where did that come from? Like, what was it in you? Like, I know what it was for me, but what what what where did that come from for you?

SPEAKER_00 5:55

Being broke and not having access to things, but feeling super inspired by the world and you know, looking at media for for me growing up, it was TV, watching like next top model or you know um the runway project, project runway. Um and just like loving clothes. I've always loved clothes. I I feel like um it was just like an escape for me, something that was very just interesting. But it's also like learning myself more as I grow up and I'm you know an adult and you know have my own kid. I'm like, okay, how do I make this make sense for me? Especially because, you know, I'm not in New York, I'm not in California or anywhere that you know things are popping off. So I just you know, I don't know, just trying to take whatever I had to make it something that I want and um that I feel represents me well.

SPEAKER_01 6:57

You know what? As you were speaking, I was thinking about some of our younger girls, like like I have a 16-year-old daughter, and just some of the girls that are watching people on social media, and how I wish they would find you. And the reason I say that is because everybody, everything is a thing, it's like uh it's very materialistic, it's very um, they're they're kids. How how are they gonna get the things that they're seeing flash before their eyes in real life right now in their life, right? And so what a uh I think the better message is number one, you're beautiful already, as it is. Number two, what you got to work with, make it work, you know what I mean? How about that message? You know what I mean? How about that message? Now, for me, I've always really been into fashion. Um, I have childhood friends who I remember I so I have a friend named uh Zondra Cherie. We call her Sheree. Her name is Zondra Yahoy, and I've known her since kindergarten. And she would um come around my house during the summertime or ask, you know, you want to go play outside, you want to go do this? I was busy at my sewing machine as a little girl making dolls clothes and styling their hair into styles, like faded and like you know, the half, the low going on back then. And I was doing that thing, and I've just always been into for us media with the movies, you know what I mean? The the actors, the actresses. I had a fascination with Diana Ross and the movie Mahogany. Have you seen Mahogany? Yes, very casty. You better have, or I was about to have a conversation. I kind of need to watch it again. You gotta go watch it again. But those those things are my inspiration. Back in the day, Cher had a uh a show, you know, and Cher was for me beautiful. I had a Cher Barbie doll, like all those things were my inspirations, and and going to high school when I finally got older, you know, I graduated from I was always creative doing things, but in high school, I remember making this, and I wasn't the best seamstress, my mom was a seamstress, I just knew how to put it together, you know what I mean? And so I made this bubble skirt, it was so cute, it was a black bubble skirt that I made on my own, so pretty on me. But I get to the school and um I had to go up the stairs. I couldn't I couldn't lift my lips.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Oh no, I've been there, I've been there. I got some stories.

SPEAKER_01 9:56

I'm like, but um, but I love that about people like you and I who can take it's like all things are are canvas, honestly. And it's like you know, making a beautiful thing out of it. So when I whenever I'm looking at you, I sometimes I go look at your page to see, okay, what can I do this summer? That's in my age ring. Because some things you do, I'm like, I can't do that because true, no lady, because things like gravity no gravity has done a thing, yes, yes, has yeah, gravity has said no to a lot of my ideas, and I'm just okay with that.

SPEAKER_00 10:44

Okay, but I feel like I gotta I gotta schedule uh in-person visit, and we gotta like really talk through things because for a while I was like, okay, I'm gonna start styling, but I was like, bro, I I love service, so anything I put my mind to I could serve, but it's just like I want I want to use this brain in so you know style expert is kind of like an umbrella term because it applies to anything, and I really think it's like design consulting because I'm in so many ways basically designing whatever it is digitally, you know, fashion-wise, interiors now. So it's like I'm constantly creating. I think that's like the beautiful thing about design that I really enjoy. But I when I hear you're like, oh I can't wear that because of because I'm older or because gravity, I'm like, girl, there's ways around that, you know. And I think for for women especially, we always have these limits for ourselves and that like society is putting us in, and like, oh I can't do it because I'm too old. I can't do it because of this, this, this, this. And I'm like, forget all of that. Like, if I want to do it, I'm gonna get it done. And I'm just gonna have to customize it for me. And that's just really how I feel about everything. So it's like, you know, there's there's take, you know, there's because my my babies don't sit as where they used to sit before I had my son. Okay, yeah, I don't see that at all.

SPEAKER_01 12:09

Okay, okay. See, now for me, it's not just that. Okay, so there's some things. All right, I don't I I I like my body for a 53-year-old. I'm not like I'm not hating it, hating it completely completely because it could be worse. However, it's not even just that for me, because I also represent my symbol tree. Like, you know, I do have a so I have a 16-year-old daughter and I have an 8-year-old son, and you know, like I don't want to be that I don't know how this is gonna sound. Uh maybe I'll stay away from that, but okay. I want to do things in good taste just because I you know, I just because I can do it also doesn't mean that because I I don't know that I would feel comfortable anymore doing some of the things that I would have done 20 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Like it just won't, it it just not not I I you know well, yeah, we're we're definitely gonna have to we're gonna have to book a consultation. We're gonna have to talk through those things because I honestly I I hear you, and I definitely I think what you're um saying in between the lines is like making it tasteful so that it feels mature and not like the childish version of what you were doing. So I definitely understand that. I think that's kind of like where I'm at now where I'm the same way. I don't want to look like I'm 15, I don't want to look like I looked when I was in college, I want to look like a woman who has a business, who has a child, and is taking care of my life. So I definitely hear you on that. Um, but you know, some it's a time for everything. It's sometimes it's a time for a short skirt. You know, we can do it with a blazer, we can cover everything else, but you know, it's like it's it's a balance, it's about playing with your shades and you know, that's design. Like it's it is a world of wonder. Okay. Yeah, I definitely can't do that.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Okay, I'm gonna tell you something. I'm so I'm low-key embarrassed to say, and now everybody's gonna hear it, but but I'm curious to know if if what kind of feedback I get if anybody else does this. So before I go try on clothes and take pictures and stuff, so embarrassed. Okay, okay. Let me start by saying I have a brain because I was born before AI. I know how to read a math, you know what I mean? I know how to tell analog time, I know how to do things, I know how to write things, I know how to do things, but uh chat GPG has become a fun tool that I've maybe have gotten carried away at with. Like I will go tattoo, I will go to my closet with my camera, I'll put a picture of different items in there. Like, okay, look at this dress that I got from Goodwill, look at these I got from wherever, or look at these shoes. I'll take a picture of it. I'll send it and I'll say, Chat, hook me up and how you think I could style this. And chat will do it. Absolutely. It's amazing. I'm like, it's like so, and it's good for people like me that I felt like I used to have a hand of a hand on the vein of style, and now I don't necessarily, but I can pull it together, you know what I mean? And chat kind of helps me when I'm when I'm not sure, but but I still got it going on, okay. That was not embarrassing about it.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

That that's I like it. It's a tool, you gotta use what you got to get what you want. Yeah, true that.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

So let's talk about your styling because you don't just style clothes. I mean, you are a stylist. What other like your creative fingers are in everything? What tell me about that?

SPEAKER_00 16:14

Well, so right now I'm actually more focused on interior design. I'm with a firm designery company, and you know, basically, you know, most of my week is kind of dedicated to that. I work with clients, I'm gonna have my own clients, you know, I'm just learning the the realm. Um, but also I feel like I have so much experience in running my own business and you know doing my own thing. So it's like I'm able to use that knowledge to help her build this as well within the company. So that's been nice. Um and styling, you know, I was I was interested in like having a whole lot of clients, but I think where I'm at now is like I really want that to be my content side where I can, you know, have this accessibility that you know you're getting the questions answered where everyone who might have the question can, you know, receive the same information. Um, so a lot of my YouTube is gonna be dedicated to that. We're actually working on a uh capsule wardrobe video right now. I have an editor, thank God. Like I'm just like, I'm gonna do it all, but I can't do it alone. So I'm just taking steps to do everything and build it how I want it to look. Um, so that's kind of where I'm at with the styling. I am really interested in doing like hourly consultations, doing like virtual calls and things like that. I just haven't found anybody who's like willing to pay for that just yet, but also I haven't been putting myself out there to sell those types of products. So that's just where we're at right now with it.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Oh, this sounds fun! You need to be in Atlanta, and and and I mean, I only reason why I say that is because there are and uh and I'm a newbie to Atlanta, but from what I'm picking up on, there's always someone that wants to be styled. You know what I mean? Like, and I I am I'm not there yet because I'm just I'm just little crumbs, but but I you know I as I live here and and get in more involved in things going on around me, there are events that I'm like, oh, if I if I go to this event next year, I'm gonna want to style, I'm gonna want someone to come in, do my my styling, do my hair, my face. You know what I mean? There's just so many things like that uh here um that you would do well. So even if you're virtual, I'm sure, but but hands-on, especially like I'm a hands-on kind of girl.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Yeah, I think the the service side of styling, and this is why I say style expert, is that there's a lot of uh hands-on buying, moving things, like that's the part where I'm kind of avoiding right now dodging because I don't have the time. I'm already doing that with interior design. Um, so that's why I like that. Consulting is a safe place for me. Doing the video content is awesome. I feel like I love doing that. Um, and knowing that there's demand for it pushes me to okay, now we need to make a video about this, or you know, you got me for an hour, let's see what you got, you know, and help you walk through it and do it yourself. I think that's also a good entry point for people who, you know, may not can afford a full-on stylist because I mean you're paying for a service, and I mean, it is priced. It is priced. Um, but I think that's a good entry point. I think that's you know, how I initially wanted to do it, anyways. Like just what do you got? How can we what is your goal with your style? How can we work through it together? And from there, you're really feeling empowered to you know take on and and tell that story yourself.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

You know, there was I can't remember the name of this person on the on the net, but as you were speaking, I was thinking about um, I don't remember the name of this stylist, but um, you may have seen this. He um went on and helped, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Lisa Ray.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

Lisa Ray, Lico, Lico, yeah, okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

Lisa Ray had and it was all her stuff, and kind of like where I'm at right now. Like I have a lot of stuff, but I'm I'm losing like a grip on how I can style it now. So he went in and helped her style a number of things, and she's like, Oh, I never thought to put these two things together, and it sounds kind of like that's like where you're headed, and that I mean that's that is so for me that that's what I'm looking at. You know, when I look at my clothes, I'm like, okay, how can I restyle it? Right now, it's just chad.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yeah, yeah. Well, also, I think something I was uh putting together I was selling at one point were like these style consultations where you know we would answer all these questions together, and then you would have you would walk away with like a PDF of like, okay, what's your body uh type? How do you dress it? You know, what are things that you're looking for within, you know, bottoms, tops, shoes that fit your lifestyle, fit your body, fit your colors, you know, all these things that you would have so that when you went shopping, or if you're using, you know, what you have, you could put those things together because you have a stronger understanding of what you actually need. So I I definitely like those I I also last year spent a lot of time building my system, designing my system. So it's like I I'm very well versed in multiple things. I'm Still at the point where not even, I feel like I have a very strong understanding of what I need to do with it and you know how I want it to work. It's just about now time and money. It always comes down to time and money. What can we do? Who wants what we're what I'm able to offer and my availability within my time?

SPEAKER_01 22:26

Yeah, and and defining the people, like, yeah, that's that was the thing. Who wants it? Who you finding those people? Because once you find the people, they'll be like, Where you've been at my my whole life, you know, like literally.

SPEAKER_00 22:38

I get that response all the time. But I think also what it comes down to, like when we talk about like personal and like you trying to sell to your friends or sell people who already know you or have watched you, and you know, being young like me, you you have high school people following you, you got people from you know, people who only saw you, or even if they are older, they only saw you as a kid, they only see you, you know, as the struggle that you've you know built through. They don't see your mind or what you're able to offer. They just, you know, so it's like it is being underestimated and still trying to push like your underdog, you're a young underdog, but I feel empowered by it. Keep underestimating.

SPEAKER_01 23:24

Yeah, you know, I I'm what I'm learning in general when it comes to that, that that's that's business, right? You you can't really really count on that, uh, you know, on them. You know, I mean you can you know love them and everything, but you can't because like they will forever not see necessarily the fact that okay, this is about business, you know what I'm saying? This is not about anything other than that, and it's hard for people who have watched you grow sometimes to get out of that, and so don't even rely on them, you know. I appreciate the love and support, and that's about it.

SPEAKER_00 24:07

And I had to learn that because it was like I started to feel like what I was doing wasn't meaningful, or that no one cared about it, but I when I did it, and then I hear people like you, or you know, people resharing and and sending me DMs. I'm so thankful that you shared this part of your life, or that you are still making content, or you're you know, still here. I'm like, oh, okay, I'm I'm all right, I can keep going and just ignore the noise.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Yeah, you gotta you a whole new audience, a whole new all that. You find the demographic that suits you for sure. So I want to know more about how um and it's obviously wait a minute. I just have also interesting. Oh, we're frozen. Oh, there we go. Okay, we're unfrozen.

SPEAKER_00 25:08

Oh thank god. It was it was going crazy, but now it's I think it's better.

SPEAKER_01 25:13

Okay, are you uh I know right? I'm nervous about this. I'm gonna do a lot of editing. Are you also an artist? Because you're so creative in stuff, whether it be interior decorating. What do you dabble in?

SPEAKER_00 25:30

I I definitely it's a hobby. Like I made that. Um, I was an AP art in high school. Like, I definitely have the capability to create art. I mean, a lot of the art that I use in my home, I didn't do that, but a lot of the art in my home I do use to um, you know, just reflect how I'm feeling. It's really like a something that I do when I'm feeling stressed and I don't sell it, I don't do anything. I just it's just mine, and I really enjoy it. Like I I really love um watercolor and um mixed media, collaging. I like you know, ink. So I do um just a little bit of that, and it's funny because I actually just recently like went and bought like more paint and more uh watercolor paper, and I'm like, this is something that I actually really enjoy. Like I'm gonna keep this for me.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

I love I know I'm like, she's gotta be. There's something about her that makes you think she's an artist. So do you um have you ever, and and this one question just led to the next, but have you ever thought about making your own print by any chance?

SPEAKER_00 26:39

Um no, I feel like there's just so much that I'm already offering. I really like the next steps for me when all this is said and done, I really want to produce two shows. I have them listed, named, two shows, and I want my interior, not interior design, but I want my own real estate portfolio. Like I have really big goals, everything that I'm doing right now is just layered work so that I can get there. So I really don't have any more time to dibble and dabble and try things. Like I know what I'm good at, stay focused, let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

So, speaking of real estate, so what came first? And you're you're wanting and desire to do interior design or real estate, or vice versa. How did that happen for you?

SPEAKER_00 27:29

Real estate definitely happened first. I'm obsessed with home in general. I feel like, you know, I've told you this before. I grew up in foster care, you know, not really having my own place, duh, because I was a kid. I'm an adult now and I have my own place. And it's just, I don't know, I feel like design has a such a special part in just how you feel. And, you know, it's just, I don't know, it's just a vibe. I'm very like, I'm a vibey girl, hence the artist in me, right? Um, but when I, you know, got my license, I was like, oh yeah, like I heard you could, you know, make money on commissions, on homes that you buy. And I was like, oh yeah, no, I need that. So when I got my license, you know, I was still like, okay, you know, maybe I could, you know, try to help other people while I'm doing this, but it just didn't feel right because I didn't know anything about real estate. I know design, I know marketing. Um, but I I don't know nothing about contracts with a real estate, I don't know a transaction. And to learn it was a bit overwhelming, or to try to learn it was a bit overwhelming, especially because it wasn't appealing to anything that naturally was in me. So I was like, and then I joined like a real estate investor group, and I was like, okay, I feel like I'm more of an investor for sure. Um, but then I was like, I would love to be able to like design these like one-of-one spaces, Airbnb them out. And you know, they're just they're my property, I can do what I want with them, I can leverage them for jefe. You know, I I'm very much a long game person, I think that's just how I think. And um, it definitely plays uh to my benefit because I am younger, and I think I caught on to life is hard, you gotta figure out how to make it work for you. And I just was like, Yeah, let's let's do it.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

I love that. So, do you like how do you go about did you get con did you get connected with a mature design through former clients? How did that work?

SPEAKER_00 29:44

So it's funny because okay, I joined uh a brokerage which I'm still with, but I'm you know uh thinking about making a a switch soon, um, hopefully for something that's a little bit more aligned. Um, but it was Better Homes and Gardens, which everybody knows a magazine, okay. I got literally a magazine right here that I still love to this day. I just feel like it's like an AD, but it feels a little bit more approachable. Yeah. Um, so I'm thinking, you know, Better Homes and Gardens real estate. Y'all gotta be into interior design here, you know what I'm saying? Um, but it's funny because even in that, you know, I was meeting with my broker like every week at some at one point, um, and she was like, Yeah, I have these REOs, which are basically like um government-owned properties. They're usually really ran down or foreclosed, or something happened with them, but they usually look they're really old, they have you know really bad design, you know, because they're old. Um so she's like, Yeah, I would love to know what your you know perspective is on this, how you would redesign it. And I was like, shoot, I'll you know, do some mood boards. I sent her the you know, met with her again, showed her the mood board, she was blown away, loved it. Um, and then she's like, Well, I would love to see what you can do with the offices in the podcast room. And I'm like, Okay, you know, I got a consult on it, and so I was just like, okay, like you know, we we had an interior designer like on the team, but she was super busy getting her MBA and you know, wasn't really responding to us really working together after some time. So I was just like, you know, I don't want to start my own thing because I have a business already, and I actually had to like kind of figure out what I wanted to focus on so that I could give my all to it. Let me work for somebody else. Um, and she actually was she said that like it would be great if you did this kind of stuff, like you definitely have the eye for it. So it was like with that push and like already kind of knowing that that's where I wanted to do, but then I had like real experience, and then you know, getting the job at designery, I was like, okay, I'm like I'm supposed to be doing this, and it's so funny because it's like I want to show you my vision board because I feel like that just gives so much insight into like this. I didn't make this this year, I made this two years ago. Okay, oh okay. I'm excited. It's huge, but I'm I'm it's crazy. It's crazy, but it's like I know exactly what I want, you know.

SPEAKER_02 32:23

I'm saying yes, I love that.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

We've got a lot of stuff here, but um, you know, interior design, it innately was a big part of what I wanted, but I just like the way the pictures looked. Honestly, I just like the way they looked. Um then, so this was two years ago. Financial security, we've got, you know, blooming, you know, certain people I want to work with. I got, you know, my style, I want to upgrade my style because I want to, you know, really show my power in business. I want to work with black women. Like I was very, very clear uh on what I wanted. And then we made another one this year, which feels a little bit more clear. And it's a little smaller. I had to make it smaller because I was like, all right, we gotta reel it in. But you know, just being very clear, you know, labor is not really what I'm trying to pursue. I'm trying to share knowledge, I'm trying to open. I want to save money, I want to go on vacation, I want to trust the process, you know, making it real, not just the ideas, but like making it tangible, like you know, being the star of my own show, you know, being able to like, you know, I'm getting modeling contracts now and things like that. I'm just like, there's doors, there's doors behind here. Like, I want to have my own, my own stuff. You know, I want to have multiple homes. I'm never gonna be homeless again.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Okay, this is so inspiring. I oh my goodness, like I haven't made a vision board in I don't even know how long.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

YouTube, yeah, yeah, literally obsessed.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

I think there's something to that though, you know. Like, I I I'm a visual and also I am moved by something in my face all the time. And so for a while, I used to do what my my oldest daughter did. She's she's an adult, and she's actually written a couple books, and they're very helpful, awesome books. But something that she does personally is now it sounds a little chaotic, but it works. She would write whatever her goals are and put them on a sticky note and put them in the mirror in her bathroom. You literally not see them, and then she would take them down as she got that, you know, as she did the thing. And so I started doing that for a moment, like when I was really trying to tune into something in particular, and I had goals to meet, and deadlines I would give myself that were obtainable, you know what I mean? And then it was always forward movement, you know, like I was never kind of stuck. So that was um to see your vision boards really kind of like, oh man, you gotta get on it because it's so easy to just fall off.

SPEAKER_00 35:33

It's so easy to just I worked out, I am so tired. Never mind, I'm done. You know, like no, that the personal stuff, no, I won't lie to you. Okay, that's that is the hardest part. I was just talking to my therapist yesterday about that. Like, I can grind, I can hustle, I can get it done. My issue is that I don't know when to quit, I don't know when to stop, I don't know when like the the routine of like getting up, stretching, drinking some water. Like, I had to get water bottles because if I didn't get water bottles, I would not drink water. Like, I'm still learning what works for me, and that's why I was telling her, like, she was like, Well, just do it. And I'm just like, girl, I don't know if you're hearing me. I it's not the fact of not doing it, it's being consistent with it, it's it working for me so that it does it feels like second nature because that's the only way that I'm gonna be able to do it. Grinding for me, that's literally like I I never want to be lazy. I never that's not hard for me. That's second nature. I get up ready to work, but that's the problem. Like, you need that time to moment.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:54

Yeah, you really do. Like, you know, I was um not long, not too long ago, I think maybe October, I was really um very much so into starting a healthy routine in the morning of my heart, my mind, my spirit. Where I'm starting off right every morning. And for me, that was, and I've already mentioned this, but I think I'll say it again because someone else could use this information. But for me, it was I would have some inspirational music. For me, it's gospel. I love um a couple of favorites, like Erica Um Campbell is one of my favorites. Um, or whatever it is for you, I would listen to that, and this is only like only a few minutes I'm doing this, and then I would um get my Bible and read a verse, but then I would write in my journal what that verse means, what it means. And then I would write, Carissa, what this means to you is, and then and what I'm doing is I'm trying to get my day started in the right direction, according. You know, like I'm gonna I'm gonna start off positive, I'm gonna be grateful, I'm gonna do these things, and then then if I have goals, I'm gonna write it down. What is my goal for today? It could be something very small, so that I can actually see action toward that goal. So, because tomorrow it should be saying something different, you know, like so, and I have to do that. And what I found when when I don't do that, um, I'm all over the place. I'm literally all over the place. I'm not focused on one thing, and things uh things are getting half done. So I it's it's hard sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Yeah, it is. I feel like when I was working, when I was working for myself, and you know, all the time in the world was mine, you know, I didn't have to, there was no deliverables that you know didn't have some kind of flexibility to them. It was real easy for me to like, okay, and I was dropping half a off at the bus. I was, you know, from the bus, I would go to the gym, to the gym, I'd go home, or I'll go to, you know, I'll already have my work stuff with me, so I'll go to the office or something like that. Um, but once I started working, it was like, okay, and then you know, you're working for somebody else. If they're stressed, you're stressed. So you're just like, okay, let me, you know, make sure that you're not stressed or trying to you. So it's of course, like as you're growing, you're realizing how much more you still have to work on. Um I know for this year I was like, you know, my main three goals in life, and what will feel like fulfillment to me is to be happy, healthy, and wealthy. And I told myself, you know, last year we spent a lot of time being happy and healthy. This year I'm working on my wealth. And I and all that attention has been building my my wealth, but it's like, okay, happy and healthy, happy and healthy, balance, balance. Yeah, it's it's hard to have that balance, and I think you have to be very strategic about just how much time you're putting into everything else, um, you know, and not people pleasing, and you know, having your boundaries, it's it's definitely uh always a work in progress.

SPEAKER_01 40:25

Tell me about it. It's like so I I'm terrible still at this whole boundary thing. In fact, um, I was in my office till 4 a.m. Knowing I needed to be up and take my son to cross country practice in the morning, you know what I mean? Like and it's and and what caused me to be in my office, I wasn't fooling around, I was doing things I needed to do. You're in a thick of it, you know what I mean? You know, but and I didn't want to stop because if I stop, then then I may not want to do it the next day, or I may not go hard the next day. So it's that finding the balance for me that it is a challenge, really.

SPEAKER_00 41:10

I absolutely I don't know if this is for you, but I I have ADHD, which means sometimes I'm hyper-focused, sometimes I have a hard time to focus. Um, so I'm also constantly fighting that organic flow for me that is sometimes I'm on, sometimes I need to be off, and nothing gets done. So I don't, I don't know. It is it's and I'm trying to also give myself grace through that. Like it's not always gonna be on. Like, I don't need medication to push through it anyways. I need to give myself the grace and time, right? And also communication is such a big part of this, too. Like when especially when you're a woman in business, like not over-sharing at the same time, saying just enough so that the boundary is placed, but you're also you know, honoring your humanity. I think that's something that women in business we do well, but you know, when you're working with males, it's not as fun, but definitely one of those things I think um is interesting, like communication. I always think about like bad communicators in business, and I'm like, oh, I don't want to work for this person.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

I can't yeah, I don't do well with with I don't like that. Well, for me too, is um, you know how you were saying, what is this year's your year for wealth? What were your three things?

SPEAKER_00 42:36

Happy, healthy, and wealthy. That's my lifetime goal.

SPEAKER_01 42:39

Healthy and your lifetime goal, and you're in this era now of your earning the the wealth part. So I am in an era of I no more excuses for all the things that I know I'm supposed to be doing, no more excuses. I have to just get out here and do it. That's it, that's all. And and there's absolutely no way I will accept um failure if I'm constantly moving in the direction I'm supposed to be moving in. It's it's it's when I get lax that that and complacent that things tend to fall apart for me. And with all of that hard work, eventually, well. So, like, you know, I'm trying to treat this more as a business. It's something that I love to do, but I have to now be wise and how I handle it, like looking for sponsorships and you know, all those things, you know, things that I didn't really, I can't say that I don't want to say I didn't take it seriously before, I just didn't understand the seriousness of it before. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 43:46

That's the value that you know, people when they're like selling these, not selling these courses, because that kind of that's a whole nother tangent, anyways. People who are like, Oh, I know how to do it, let me teach you how, let me. show you how or let me do it for you. That's the value that you're, I guess, you know, investing in when people are like, okay, no, I need that, you know. So it it's just you know and I was thinking about this too, and I'm glad that you said something to that effect. Because I I I recently worked with a con a vendor that I thought, you know, presented themselves well, had work. And you know, I I've been thinking on the thing that people like, just start, just start. And wow, I feel like you probably can just start because you have like you think about other people, you consider how other people feel I feel like there are some business owners who shouldn't just start. Honestly. Honestly. I'd be like, you slow down just a little bit. Okay. Because I think when you when you start impacting other people's well being you know people's money you're you're taking people people's time because you're not doing it well or doing it right. You know you're actually you can put yourself behind a lot more than you can put yourself ahead like because that becomes your reputation. Yeah you have a reputation of being messy or you don't um you know you don't consider a customer. You know that for me at this point in my career I'm like I can't I can't bring you with me. And I think this last experience really taught me that but that just when you said that I was like I feel like I moved to say that's important.

SPEAKER_01 45:35

Well you know and taking yourself seriously enough to make it so before I got where I am right at this very even talking to you because I had it felt like when I was in Virginia it was kind of rolling along in a way that I wasn't prepared for because I didn't know what to do with it. But it was rolling along but this time around I did the smart work. I went and did research I did okay wait a minute this is how I do it on Facebook. This is how I do it on Instagram and honestly that TikTok y thing I'm not ready for yet I but I know I've been avoided you know what I mean but but I have to uh but I have done research since I do have product I because I have product to sell TikTok is an avenue I need to consider after I do some more homework you know I mean but it's like you know I had to write down things like what is my goal? What is it that I want what kind of message am I going to be about I wrote those things down you know I mean I wrote it down like a plan that it is what I want to do do I want to facilitate things you know what what am I what are my gifts what what is it that comes natural for me but what is it that I want to give because that's really what it comes down to. What do I give the best? Because what I give the best is what's going to be attractive to people I think. So you know it's like it was just it was when I started taking those things seriously and started making a a tangible plan that I can see with my own eyes and and then now I have something to go on it's a blueprint.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

And then then I can tweak it as I go along oh that try that didn't work this let's mark that off you know like absolutely it's funny because we're in the process at designery of like hiring more people which I was her first hire ever well for this side of her business so you know you you see what you get with me. I'm I'm very uh vocal I'm also you know experienced and you know so I I'll so we're in the process back to that of creating like SOPs and like you know training people and you know I'm like this is a lot so even just like the I think when we're thinking about business we always want to think about how we're representing ourselves and brand is very important but it's also like the processes of like okay how are we gonna there will be challenges how will we navigate those challenges how will we treat our customers in the event that they don't like this or you know if you know Instagram and TikTok shut down for however long they would or you know whatever the problems are those processes or processes fancy terms I don't know what we're gonna do in the case that this doesn't work out. And I think that is just the analytical side of like what I do and and why I end up being very valuable in the space is because I don't think of just like how we can make it pretty but how does it function yeah so I think that's such an important part of business and I think that's what really makes a brand a true like brand of like what the culture is how we treat people how we navigate problems.

SPEAKER_01 49:07

You know so our pastor says and when you said that just now it made me think about it and it's so true. When you leave the church and go out people are looking at you they're looking at how are you how are you treating your coworkers the people that work with you for you how are you behaving out here in these streets you know I'm saying because um that's also going to be reason why someone would want to work with you or maybe not want to work with you you know like being your true authentic self hopefully is a good thing. Right really is a good thing you know and don't be out here you know you know so that all of that like you know it it's it's so important that we you represent yourself and that you know I'm representing myself to the best of my ability. Now am I perfect? Absolutely not but but also I have a little bit of common sense too and and I know where my limitations are I know where my strengths are I know what spaces I want to be in what spaces I don't want to be in and I just choose not to be in some of those spaces. You know I just like you know that's not for me.

SPEAKER_00 50:27

It's not but you know honestly um that's why talking to you is so awesome you know because you to be so honestly you are are you are young and you have figured out what a lot of women older than you haven't and you know so you know what I mean and and that that means and I I like what you said earlier like you're just getting started you're just getting you you're young you're young enough I am so excited I'm just excited to see like what's gonna happen with you I appreciate that down line because you already are you've got your hand on and on what a handle of what it is you are representing and you already know you're so confident in the things that you do but not everybody is like that then that's why like I I try to talk about uh like self-esteem and confidence because this self-esteem and confidence that I have has come through pain it has come through having no other option there's no one else to rely on you know I couldn't rely on my mother hello from from birth I'm the oldest of all of my siblings so it's like you know you become mom at a very young age you don't really have a childhood and then you're like okay this can't be my life forever you know like I I want to enjoy life I want to be happy I want to see myself do things that you know no one thought that I could and you know I think I'm always constantly looking for inspiration and you know constantly finding it of of women who have done the same thing and it pushes me to like oh it's it's out there let's go get it you know um you know also like 28 is is young but I'm also about to be 30. You know I've I've had 28 years of like just time and you know having myself to rely on. So it's kind of like after enough reps and you prove to yourself enough times how many times you're able to get up after you've been shoved down you're like one second gets back up is is even bigger and better than you know the knockdown version. So it's just that's where my confidence my confidence comes from it's just like I I've been through harder things.

SPEAKER_01 52:53

Okay I'm not scared by a little challenge let's get it done I think obviously that's what we we are what we you know it our experiences shape us. I think that's what maybe did it for you. I mean because because I keep forgetting how young you are because but your life experiences have caused you to kind of have to step up in places where people the same age wouldn't even think about um but you kind of took this lemon and just made some delicious lemonade here lady I'm about to spike it too yes that's that see that is so awesome so awesome but I want I I am just honored to have that after all this time I just called you up and let you know hey I'm thinking about doing this again can you be on my show and you were down because it's been a it's been a minute because I I actually had to step myself out of it for a while I was sitting out on a sideline and it was needed and I'm glad I did but I am so glad you said yes and I people are gonna find so much value just watching your growth so I'm just excited that you said yes and we're gonna do this again.

SPEAKER_00 54:24

Okay I'm excited thank you for inviting me thank you for thinking of me um I'm glad that you're here doing it I know there are so many women who can benefit from this and just even your story and you know all the women that you'll be able to bring to other women so that they can learn something and I think it's such it's such a relevant time period because it's like we have so many young women who are lost who are you know trying to find guidance and I think that was the biggest thing for me of like why I had to find women that I looked up to because my mother wasn't that for me. The women that I grew up around weren't that for me. So I had to find new ways to stay motivated to know that anything that I you know was imagining was possible. And once I found that I was like you know that's what gave me the footing to keep it going. So you know the fact that you're doing that for so many women and you know whoever gets to see this and you're growing it and it's gonna be very impactful. I think that's the the beauty of anything that you know can be left behind it it it will be impactful.

SPEAKER_01 55:39

Hmm you know I the you know what keeps me I feel like on the right path is remembering although it's therapeutic for me because it is I always I I'm always learning something new but it is also something that I know that I I miss I mean I have I had a mom I had a godmother I have a sister but there sometimes there were questions or things I needed to talk about or to express and because I felt like I was always a little bit um awkward anyway like I marched to my own drummer that I didn't really know how to even approach these ladies with some of these things. So I I'm just trying to be available you know I'm just trying to be and sometimes I'm you know I don't have nothing to say because because sometimes that person's story alone is what someone needed to hear. That's it I'm just the I'm just the middlemaker you know the person that people together and that's okay yeah yeah like you know and and that's how it's been honestly my whole almost my whole adult life and finally I figured there's something to this I swear it's been like this my whole adult life like I would have you know a group of women um in fact my core group right now they didn't know each other at all my three ladies that were in my first um episode they didn't know each other oh well two of us we all we worked together but we're all so very different but by accident because of my at the moment drama that I had we became a unit um and it was needed it was needed and even like when I lived overseas um I we were people from all over the country all over the world you know and I I knew that I wanted to bring women together to not feel alone and so I was that middle person like okay I'll get it I'll get the party started now you guys do it and then some of those ladies are friends still 20 years later but but that's the power of community that's the power of women that's the power of black women and I think what we're also learning in this day and age is that you know they had a statistic of like women live longer when we have other women around us and I think that's such a like what you know the to to separate us from our families and to you know have us get married to men and have babies I don't feel like that is the highest um regard for a woman I feel like we are meant to be together as friends as you know families and building and having each other as villages and as community because we do so much powerful work when we are together. So this is just a testament to that you know it is going to be impactful because there's two women you know who are talking to more women who will do something with that information feel empowered by that information and and move in their lives to create even more impact absolutely girl this was so good you know it it the first thing I said to you before we started recording I said did I see the questions because I can't remember I got I got lost I got and I didn't question we don't need and I was like well it's gotta be organic that's what I was telling myself I didn't know how this would gonna go but it it it happened the way exactly the way it was supposed to go and I'm so thankful I'm so thankful.

SPEAKER_00 59:38

Yeah you know that that one call we had um before to check in and stuff like we could have recorded that session and it it we just have a very good rhythm so I'm excited to more conversations yes I can't wait well I'm gonna let you go because I know you have things to do mama a lot of stuff but I I just can't thank you enough for being here so I'm gonna see you know if you remember I am um technically challenged so what I'm gonna do I'm gonna say we're gonna say goodbye to the people but you stay put so we'll see you guys next time Tishari thank you so much for being here and um we're gonna do this again so everybody that's it for us now and we'll see you the next time bye bye