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Welcome to the neuro nurture podcast, dedicated to equipping and supporting families, navigating the world of autism and neurodiversity. I am your host, Kirsten Sullivan, who is on a mission to help autism families go from surviving to thriving. Welcome to the show. Hey everyone. And welcome back to another episode today is all about what is to happen before skill building. What is to happen before skill development? What does your child need in order to acquire new skills? When we think of skills, we, we often think of, of things like a pencil grip, you know, your, your child being able to hold a pencil correctly, you know, that is a skill. Or, your child learning the alphabet, that's also a skill, but we often forget that emotional regulation is a skill, you know, ways of managing behavior is a skill. Coping strategies is a skill. And all of these things are usually punished. When a child is acting out or, they're acting out in a way that we think they are wanting attention or when they are being aggressive, when they're hitting, we often punish that, but this is a skill that Your child has not learned how to regulate their emotions, for instance. So skill development is so crucial and it really encompasses a whole range of what your child is capable of, you know, and, and in terms of their development and their growth, so let's get into it. And I want to say that, skills change over time. I recently did a post on this, on my Instagram that yes, characteristics, autism characteristics, autism traits, they change over time. Yes, your child can go from non speaking to speaking. They can go from being very dysregulated to learning how to handle their emotions. They can go from not responding to responding to their name. They can go from interests that they are so incredibly passionate about, which yes, we want to embrace that, but they can go from that while still keeping those special interests to perhaps expanding their interests slightly more, you know, they can go from recurring meltdowns to no or fewer meltdowns. A lot of the times when I speak to parents of really young autistic kids, they often say, well, my child is not making any progress they're not learning new skills. They're not meeting their milestones that they should, because they are lacking in skill development. And yes, it is very disheartening. It can be really tough going through that, but I'm here to tell you that your child will progress, Development is not linear. Development is not a straight line from A to Z. It's, it takes turns and it's a very twisty and bumpy road, but I'm here to tell you that your child will succeed. And when it comes to skill development, we don't ever want to Change your child's authentic self. We are not wanting to mold them into something that they are not. We are just wanting to equip them with skills to develop, to thrive, to reach their fullest potential. Now let's get into the first prerequisite, the first thing before your child needs before they develop a new skill. And this comes down to connection. Now connection is so important, and this is probably the most important point that I will raise throughout this entire podcast, because connection is so often overlooked, you know, and, and when we think about it, we really need that bond. We need that close bond to form between you and your child or between your teacher and your child or whoever is implementing this new skill. We want this close bond Because we need that buy in from your child. Your child has got to want to work with you and this takes time, oftentimes when I start therapy with a new child, the first few sessions, I just take on building rapport with that child, I just want to. Enter into their world, and I do this by first observing the child. Assessing their interests and emotional signals. So really watching what your child enjoys and how they express themselves. Now, this is something that you want to do when there are no distractions around you. And, you can be thinking now, well, look, I know what my child loves. I know the emotional signals, but when you take time to observe and really observe your child. In a moment when they are really happy, you know, understanding the sensory preferences and really noting how your child responds to different sensory inputs. So it really is about understanding and getting that deeper connection with your child. And then we can join into your child's world, this may mean starting on the floor with your child and really engaging in activities that they love to do. If your child does not want you closed, start off three meters away, you know, and slowly build up every week, move a meter closer because, we also don't want to overwhelm your child. It comes down to joining into their world, engaging in what they really love to do and what they are interested in and also matching their energy level. In DRL floor time, we refer to this as affect and matching your child's affect, their intent, their emotional intent, and their energy level, match their excitement. If a child is calm match their calmness and then we get into, following your child's lead, responding to these initiations. And if your child starts an activity, join in without taking over, encourage exploration, allow your child to explore, to make choices. This often is coming down to circles of communication, and this is especially so crucial in floor time where you're wanting to start opening up those circles of communication, initiate interaction, wait for response, respond appropriately, expand the interaction. And like this, if you start to enter into your child's world and you, you really start forming this deep connection, this incredible bond between you two can form. And it also comes down to engaging in their stimming, and this might seem a bit strange at first, you know, it might take a while to get used to, but when your child is banging their fists on the floor or whatever way that they are engaging in self stimulatory behavior. They are doing that because it makes them feel good. It makes them feel like they are being regulated. Your child needs to be engaging in these activities, in this self soothing behavior that they find eases their emotional and nervous system. We want to engage in that. We want to join in because if they are flapping their hands, you know, flap your hands as well. It might seem like a very sort of weird concept to get used to, but your child will see that and you'll really form that deeper connection. The second one is a regulation. Now I talk about this so much, but your child needs to be in a regulated state before they can learn a new skill, and your child has a lot of sensory differences. so they are processing an exponential amount of info, way more than neurotypical individuals, every single minute. So we want to make sure that your child's nervous system is in a regulated state before you try and engage them in learning a new skill. And this can look like just spending a few minutes every day doing activities that fills their sensory cup, you know? This really can look very different for every single child because every single child's sensory profile is so different. But for instance, if they are essentially seeking, they crave a lot of input, they crave a lot of sensory stimuli, doing things like heavy work, picking up objects, doing wall pushups, engaging a lot of squeezes, and a lot of proprioceptive and vestibular input can help your child stay regulated and it can help them engage in acquiring a new skill. So when we get to the third prerequisite before your child can learn a new skill, it's all about setting your child up. Now, when we think about it, whether your child's at school or at therapy, your child is constantly learning new skills. They are learning new things that they haven't learned before. So they are not engaging in activities quite as often as what they should be doing things that they are good at. So we want to intentionally incorporate a lot of activities throughout the day that they do, that we can praise, that we can provide this positive reinforcement. It's also a great thing to perhaps bring in a token board I just want to say that, that yes, there's a difference between bribery, punishment, and consequence. A lot of people, they think that this is bribery where, you know, there is a difference, the difference between how we implement it. And token boards can really be an incredible tool for setting your child up for this success. And this can be done verbally, through praising, it can be done through treats, their favorite objects or snacks, or, in the form of tokens. And, this has to be done immediately after the child engages in the sex taste. So we want to praise immediately after we don't want to wait a few minutes. We don't want to give it later on in the day. We want to reinforce that immediately. And this really helps your child build up this confidence and the self esteem needed in order for them to acquire new skills. We want your child in a really positive head space in this can do attitude and this, I am capable of expanding my development. so that's something that we want to incorporate every single day, Now moving on to the next one, your child needs a motivator, right? Just as we need to be motivated to do things, your child also needs a motivator. When we think about it, we are not going to engage in activities that we don't really want to engage in if there is no reward. Right. The same applies for your child. And let them pick out their favorite motivator, whether that's a toy or a snack or a game, just because they motivated two weeks ago was ice cream, for instance, it might not be the same now, you know, it might be a certain game. So also don't presume that. Your child's motivator will remain the same for months at a time. Let them pick out, and you can do a preference assessment here where you line up their favorite items or their favorite toys or snacks. And where they are able to choose their favorite one, going from their favorite one to their least favorite one, and this is a highly motivating object, the first one that they chose and really use that, and you can also bring in the token board here where you start off with just three stars before they get their motivator, you know, and then you move on to five stars when your child gets used to it, or perhaps they're a bit older and they understand the concept more, but we want this to be consistent and this motivator and this whole system has to be implemented consistently on a regular basis for your child to learn that, okay, when I am engaging in this behavior, when I am doing this, I know I will get my motivator. Moving on to the last one that is limiting distractions. Now, there are so many distractions that are going on in your child's life on a daily basis, because your child is processing so much more information, the distractions range from the lights to loud noises to just funny sounds. Even when it comes to being in the classroom and when you're pulling your chair back and forth on the wood or the floor, that can be very, very distracting to them, and then even before the child sits down for their class, they are already dysregulated. We want to really be in tune and we want to be aware of, where and what sensory input are they avoiding, what are they gravitating towards, tune into what your child is doing. If they're stimming starts increasing tremendously. Then we know that they are engaging in that behavior more often because they are trying to regulate themselves because they are trying to get back to their baseline state because something in their environment is really overbearing and really overwhelming for them. So really be in tune with what actions, what is your child doing? What are they thinking? What are they engaging in? Because we really want to limit all distractions when we are teaching a new skill. So when I am teaching a child a new skill, I make sure that the table that we are working at free of any distractions. I also make sure that the environment is free of any distractions. If the child really. Does not like fluorescent lights. I will make sure that the lights are turned off. If the child needs headphones to focus, to learn this new skill, because there's a lot of noise outside, then we use that. So really tune into what your child needs, what their sensory profile is, and limit all distractions in environment before your child learns a new skill. You have been listening to the NeuroNurture podcast. Remember to subscribe. And if you have enjoyed this episode, please leave a five star review. 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