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Welcome to the neuro nurture podcast, dedicated to equipping and supporting families, navigating the world of autism and neurodiversity. I am your host, Kirsten Sullivan, who is on a mission to help autism families go from surviving to thriving. Welcome to the show. Hey everyone. Welcome back. I'm excited to be talking about de escalation strategies today. When your child is experiencing a meltdown, when they are really in this heightened state and they are in this meltdown, you know, what can we do in order to address that? Calm them down. What can we do to get them back to the regulated state as quickly as possible, because let's be real. Meltdowns are not fun. They're not fun for you. They're not fun for your child. They're not fun for your siblings. They're not fun for anyone in the house. And. You know, it really comes down to we wanting to prevent these meltdowns, but sometimes, you know, we're not perfect. The world is not perfect. We cannot prevent the numerous meltdowns that your child experiences in a day. Right. If you are lucky, your child doesn't experience that many meltdowns, but I know a lot of parents, they struggle with. Peted meltdowns every single day and multiple times a day. And this can really hinder your child's development and their learning and just their overall wellbeing. So let's get into some deescalation strategies. I just want to be clear on what a meltdown is, because a lot of people get very confused between a meltdown and a temper tantrum. A meltdown is either due to an overstimulation of the environment or. All that they coping capacity is worn out, right? So your child's sensory cup that they're coping capacity has reached the brim, they are overflowing. They cannot control what they are feeling. They can't control what their body is going through, right? This is very different to a tantrum. A tantrum is usually in response to something that a child wants, but that they cannot have. And then they will fall down to the floor or start banging their fists. We engage in. This kind of behavior where a meltdown is more a response to overwhelm. It's not in the child's control at all a tantrum is in the child's control, whereas a meltdown, they are not. Aware that they are experiencing this heightened sensory overload and this overwhelm, and this could be due to numerous reasons. It could be due to their immediate environment that is just too overwhelming for them. Or it could be due to demands being placed on them throughout the day that they haven't been able to learn how to regulate. A lot of the times when kids experience multiple meltdowns throughout the day, they have not learned how to regulate their emotions. They have not learned how to regulate all of this sensory stimuli. Obviously, ideally we would like to prevent this, but sometimes it's just not in our control and they just happen. So I talk a lot about, being proactive and really setting up the home environment and the school environment in order to decrease these miletones or decrease the frequency of these miletones, but today I want to talk about what can we do in that moment. When your child has lost all of this control, when they are in the meltdown, your child doesn't feel in control over anything. So we are wanting to let them regain some sort of sense of control. So the first strategy is to stop reasoning. Stop asking them what is wrong. Stop giving more auditory input because this is actually. Enhancing their sensory overload. And you're actually escalating the situation when you're constantly asking them what is wrong, what do you need? Instead, we can provide them with two choices. And if you do this visually even better, because we really playing on your child's visual processing strengths here, where you're providing visual. Two choices to your child of what they need, what they want. And these can be highly preferred items that you know, your child will want to engage in. And you know that these activities will produce a sense of calmness. And if they engage in them, that they will come down to baseline level. So why I say we need to stop reasoning is because your child's thinking and reasoning part of their brain is not working, right? When we think about it, your child hyperconnectivity is already so much busier at rest than neurotypical brains. So they really find it so much harder to filter out visual and auditory distractions, right? They are already so sensitive to the sensory info surrounding them. So trying to reason or trying to, to get them to communicate with you in a reasonable and calm way when they're in this meltdown and tell you what they want is not going to work, it's just not going to end well. This is why I say reduce demands. use fewer words, the less words, the better. The second thing is to manage your reaction. So your reaction will either escalate or deescalate your child. When your child is in that moment, when they are in that heightened meltdown mode, anything that you do or say, or if you come on too strong, they will perceive that as a threat. Okay. So I mean, when we think about it, you know, unless they are harming themselves or unless there are a harming or damaging the environment around them, it's okay for you to step back, right? It's okay for you to step back, to move into a different room for a few seconds or a minute to regain your awareness. Self regulation and your sense of emotional control again, and also to give your child a bit of space. Because when we think about it, when you are angry or when you are experiencing really intense emotions, you don't want someone in your face. So the same thing goes for your child, you know, give them a bit of space, give them a bit of movement and where they can just process things without. You being overbearing. And this is indicating to them that you are respecting their personal space. You are giving them space to work through what they are going through. The next strategy is redirection. This is an excellent strategy to use when you sense your child is. In the initial stages of a meltdown. So when you, when you start noticing the signs and you probably are an expert on this already, when, when you notice your child is going into a meltdown mode, or they're in these beginning stages of the sensory cup is just being so overfilled. And you know that. It's going to spill at any moment. Redirection is amazing, right? I know this is not always possible, but redirecting your child to a preferred calming activity that you know, your child really loves can really provide a sense of distraction and even changing the environment. Now, if you follow me on Instagram, you know, that I am a huge advocate for not removing a child, but in a meltdown situation, sometimes changing the environment is the best thing that you can do, right? So essentially this isn't a removal strategy, but it's redirecting your child to an environment that is more calming, that perhaps would boost their mood a bit more. You know, if you are in a very busy environment, if there are a lot of bright lights, a lot of noise, a lot of people, sometimes just even changing rooms. Right. So a room that you know, your child is common in move them there, see if that works. The next strategy is communication. Does your child have a way to communicate with you? And this is so important. Can your child tell you what they are feeling in that moment? Can your child tell you what they are wanting in that moment? I know a lot of the kids that I work with are non speaking, right? They didn't have a way to communicate. Your child needs to have a way to communicate, whether it's in the form Or whether this is in the form of the AAC device, you know, if you don't have that technology, use cards, use visuals that your child can give to you so that you know where you stand. And this really reduces the whole guessing game. It eliminates it completely where you're not trying to figure out what your child wants and needs. And so getting to the next one is get your child to engage in movement. I know this can be very tough as well to try and. Get your child to engage in some sort of movement when they are going through a mile down. But when you think about it naturally. Movement releases good chemicals to our brain. It releases those endorphins and we are wanting to counteract. And we're wanting to counterbalance all the chemicals in your child's brain. So by releasing these endorphins, whether it's through trampolining or swinging or jumping or moving their body in a way that feels good for them can really help with that deescalation and so the next strategy is to avoid. More stimulation. Now, a light in a room might not seem like a lot of stimulation for you, but perhaps for your child, it is really overbearing and it's really creating dysregulation within your child. Dumb the lights, turn the music down, turn the TV off, really try and create a more calming environment for your child to be in when they are going through a meltdown. A great thing here that I love to use is letting them go to their calm down corner, you know? So if you don't have a calm down corner. Make one somewhere in your house, whether it's in a child's room or just an area that, you know, is quiet and doesn't have a lot of sensory stimulation, but we need to teach this to them when they are in a calm state, when they are happy, when they are regulated and ready to learn, we don't want to be introducing this when. They're in the state of a meltdown and this is new, right? It's, it's not going to work. We want to introduce this to them and teach it to them and role play when they are happy, when they regulated, the next strategy is modeling, modeling is an incredible strategy to use, not only for deescalation techniques, but when it comes to a lot of other things as well, and the trick is, you know, you have to practice this also when they are calm, We want to be very proactive, obviously. And, you know, we want to practice deep breathing and everything when your child is calm and regulated. But in that moment, you can model deep breaths. You can model and visually show them. That you are taking deep breaths, you know, and this calms the central nervous system right down. You can also do a lot of co regulating a strategy that I love to use when your child is coming down from their meltdown. When you put one of your hands on their heart and one of your hands on their heart, you know, and you can tell them, My heart is beating super slowly. Your heart is beating really fast. Let's match our heartbeats by doing breathing exercises. And then you model, you visualize, you show your child that you are taking deep breaths in and out. And your child will follow. If you practice this a few times and practices, when your child is calm and happy and regulated, they will quickly catch on children. Learn by seeing what you're doing, right? Children love copying. They will rather copy your actions than your words. Now, I want to say that not all of these strategies will work for you and your child. Obviously, you know, this is a trial and error process, like most things when, when it comes to, to teaching new skills to your child, every child is so different. You know, one of these strategies that works for one child is maybe not going to work for another. But you can start off by teaching them these strategies when they are in this calm and regulated state, start teaching them breathing exercises. Start teaching them how to go to their calm down corner, start teaching them how to visually show you what they want, how to communicate with you. If it doesn't work, move on to the next strategy and with the strategies that work, put them in your little toolbox that you can use when your child is going through another meltdown again, And another thing is really focusing on this post meltdown reflection. So once your child is calm, discuss the meltdown in a nonjudgmental way, encourage the child to express their feelings and thoughts, research in social, emotional learning emphasizes that, you know, there is so much importance in. Of reflection for building emotional awareness and self regulation skills because autistic brains, they process sensory information and emotions and social cues very differently. Right. But when your child is young, they do not know, they don't know what is going on in their body, right? They have no idea what emotions they are feeling or why they are feeling these emotions. This is purely due to differences in variations in neural connectivity and brain structure. So. These differences can make it so challenging for your child to regulate their emotions, right? To respond to these environmental stresses, but understanding these neurodevelopmental aspects is so crucial for developing effective de escalation strategies for your child, but your child needs to know that you are acknowledging their feelings. You know, you are validating them in this moment where they are so out of control. Your child needs to know that they are supported, that they are loved, and that they are not doing anything wrong. And there are a lot of phrases that you can use, and I'm going to give you a few examples that you can use when your child Is in this heightened state, and that will deescalate a meltdown and these include phrases like you're not in trouble, or I will give you space to calm down, but I'm going to stay close and check in with you in a few minutes. You are safe. You are not alone, or I am on your team. You are not alone. I can see that this is so hard for you. I'm open to hearing what is your solution. Or even when you have hard moments, I still love you. I'm here to help you. So we are wanting to validate your child's emotions without judgment. And a lot of neurodevelopmental research highlights the importance of acknowledging a child's feelings to help them feel understood, to help them feel less isolated in their experience. So phrases like, I see you're upset. Right. Acknowledging that can be very calming for your child. So I hope that these strategies have really helped you in even just creating more awareness around meltdowns and why your child is experiencing meltdowns. And maybe provided you with a bit more perspective on a few deescalation strategies that you can use, or that you might think are helpful. Will work for your child. If you're not following me over on Instagram, follow me. My handle is at neuro nurture underscore. I'd love to connect with you and stay tuned for the next podcast. You have been listening to the NeuroNurture podcast. Remember to subscribe. 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