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Welcome to the neuro nurture podcast, dedicated to equipping and supporting families, navigating the world of autism and neurodiversity. I am your host, Kirsten Sullivan, who is on a mission to help autism families go from surviving to thriving. Welcome to the show. Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode. I'm so glad that you're here today is all about refusal behaviors. Why is my child engaging in these refusal behaviors on a daily basis? What can I do about it? And I want to give you some actionable steps and insight into why your child is perhaps not putting their shoes on. Before they leave the house, you know, why are they not wanting to brush their teeth or have a bath or just engage in daily activities? Why is this refusal happening? And I am getting so many questions from parents and educators on this topic of refusal behaviors. So I thought, let's just make a podcast so that you have a chance. There's access to this information and you can implement it at home or in the school environment before we get into it. I want to announce, and I have a very exciting announcement to make that I have just launched my neuro nurture practice where I am providing one on one home based therapy. Autism intervention and therapy for early intervention, 18 months to nine years. And then also for the teen and adolescent phase, 10 years to 18 years old. And I am also doing parent support calls and sessions, and I'm also doing a bit of school training and support as well. So if you would like to connect with me, please reach out. You can look on my website. It's NeuroNurture. co. za or reach out to me over email NeuroNurtureServices at gmail. com. Let's connect. Let's chat. So let's get into. Defining refusal behaviors. So in the context of autism, refusal behavior can really manifest as a child refusing to engage in certain activities or comply with requests, for instance, or participate in routines, right? And this behavior can be very challenging. You know, it is very challenging when you're in a rush and. And you have got so many things to do. And your child is refusing to engage in the activities and comply with your requests. So understanding why these underlying refusal behaviors are occurring, we have to understand the reasons behind this. Now I want to provide a bit of research insight first, you know, me, I love research. The first one that I want to get into is sensory sensitivities. We know that sensory sensitivities are a significant factor in refusal behavior. Now let me explain this. A lot of autistic children often experience hyper or hypo sensitivities to sensory stimuli, and this leads to a lot of discomfort and a lot of overwhelm in certain situations. The second one is communication challenges. So, This often comes down to, to the fact that, you know, children struggle to express their needs or understand others. And this refusal can become this coping mechanism. And this is what I have seen happening quite often when I enter into a family environment or I enter into a school environment, and I have seen this learned behavior and this refusal from the child. Has become this coping mechanism, a way that they are dealing with the environment around them, because it's the only way that they know how to deal with it. The third one that I want to get into is executive functioning deficits., executive functioning deficits, such as the difficulty, you know, with planning or flexibility or the sort of in adherence to routine, you know, can often contribute as a huge. Refusal behavior, so let's unpack that a little bit more care and I want to get into some reasons the wise, some practical wise, the first one is that your child is not prepared. For what you are asking them to do. So one of your child's needs is that they require predictability. They need predictability in all areas of their life, right? We don't want any surprises. Your child needs to be pre warned about. Before every single activity for different changes for upcoming tasks. And I want you to think about, do you prepare your child at the beginning of every day of what's happening and the different activities that they have to do throughout the day. And this provides a lot of structure. It provides a lot of reassurance for the child. It almost lets them get into this. Mental state of knowing, okay, I need to engage in these activities today. These activities need to be completed. So I want you to think about different ways that you could introduce this predictability into your child's daily life. Now, I know that life is not perfect. There are always going to be changes and surprises and, you know, none of us lead these perfectly planned out lives. I get that. But. What I want you to try and implement is wherever it is in your control, always plan and always let your child know what is happening, what is happening in three hours from now on, you can have a whiteboard where you write down all the activities for the day. A visual schedule works amazingly well, and we will get into this in the actionable steps later on. And this can just really, really put your child's mind at ease and it can help them to not engage in these refusal behaviors. And your child's executive functioning skills are likely a contributing factor, right? The deficits that they are experiencing in their executive functioning skills, oftentimes they, they don't see an end in sight. So your child most probably, if they are engaging in refusal behaviors, and if they are struggling with executive functioning skills, they probably do not understand the concept of lapse time yet. And I say yet because this is a skill that can be taught. Let's say your child needs to bath, right? And they're refusing to get into the bath. This could partly be due to your child not understanding that once they are in the bath, that they will get out of the bath. When they are in an activity, your child perhaps cannot comprehend that this activity will come to an end. Therefore they do engage in these refusal behaviors of not wanting to bath because they cannot see an end in sigHt. the second why is perhaps your child doesn't see what's in it for them. So there is nothing motivating them to complete this activity. Now, I see this all the time where oftentimes parents and Teachers, they see the importance behind brushing your teeth, for instance, right? You know, if you don't brush your teeth, your teeth are going to rot. Telling that to your child is not motivating for them, So we can become. Easily frustrated because we understand the importance behind activities, but your child might not. So we have to have something in place, especially for the tough activities that you know, your child is really refusing to engage in. We are wanting to have some sort of motivator in plaCe. this is a very hot topic on social media at the moment. And I want to get into token boards and yes, I still believe in token boards. I don't believe that they are harmful. I do have a real up on my Instagram. If you would like to have a look and how I explain why I think token boards are still an excellent way to promote positive behavior. So having a reward system in place. Can really help your child decrease this refusal behavior. Now, if we think about it, right, if you go to work and you stop getting paid, chances are you're not going to be there the following week, right? That paycheck is a motivator, but for children, they often have to have concrete motivators. They have to know what they are getting. They want something out of an activity that they are engaging in. Third one that I want to get into is that your child might not be experiencing enough success every day. Now I want you to think of this as a ball rolling down the hill, right? The more it rolls down the hill, the more momentum it is gaining sort of this knock on effect. wHen you think about it, when you achieve something, you feel good, right? You feel like you are in control and you just radiate this positivity and this positivity overflows into other areas of your daily functioning. Now, the same concept applies to your child. If your child is constantly experiencing success and they are experiencing success in. Small activities throughout the day. This positivity and this joy and sense of accomplishment within them can really overflow into other activities and perhaps other activities that they don't really want to engage in, where we often see the refusal behavior coming in. So these positive feelings are likely to flow over into other aspects of their day. so You really want to, to build in these set activities that, you know, your child loves that they engage in. You want to build this in, into their schedule, into their daily schedule, where they can experience the success and where they are praised for it, you know, where they are acknowledged for it. Now, before I get into the actionable steps that I want you to take, I just want to discuss some triggers first, because. Identifying triggers is a very critical step into. Addressing refusal behavior. And these triggers can be a change in routine or demanding tasks, for instance, sensory overload or lack of autonomy. So, you know, where your child doesn't feel like they are in control of their choices. So those are the main triggers. And I just wanted to mention that before I get into actionable steps, because you will see how the two link up. Now let's discuss some practical strategies that you can use in In your home environment or the school environment the first one that I want you to do is to over prepare. I would like you to over prepare in the visual schedules that you make for your child, this is the most simple and concrete way for your child to know what is happening in their day. A visual schedule is perfect for your child. Not only does it play on their visual strengths, but it reduces this unpredictability. It really enhances communication. And you can even offer choices in this visual schedule, incorporate your child's opinion so that they are able to structure their activities in their day. And you have this buy in from them where they feel like they are in control. You know, and it really, it sets up these expectations and demands, and you're intentionally creating this schedule where, you know, if your child sees this at the beginning of every day, and you really enforce the activities that they will not have any surprises in the day. And that you can also include a variety of preferred and non preferred activities, you know, at varying times. And. if you say Kirsten, look, my child knows exactly what to do when, right, we live a very boring and simple and predictable life. You know, it might be that they just need to see it visually. And oftentimes, even if children know, okay, after I brush my teeth, I need to get into bed. If they see it visually, this can really reduce the restricted and refusal behavior that we see. Now, the second one is to enhance communication. Now, this obviously really ties in with the visual schedule that I just mentioned, really implementing communication boards, you know, especially if your child is non speaking this can really help your child understand expectations and express their needs. you really want to engage and involve your child in as many choices as possible., the next one is to use timers. So I don't mean time is on your phone. I mean, time is like a sand timer that they can see, or even time is from autism resources, and I'm not paid to say that. I have one, it works amazingly well, and your child is able to see how much time they have left to engage in this activity before they move on to the next one. So your child also knows that this activity is going to stop. And I'm going to move on to a different activity when this time has run out. And then the next thing is to use a token board. Now I know I mentioned this, but a reward system Is not only necessary when your child is engaging in unwanted behaviors, I want you to use this token system for every single activity that your child thrives in, you know, provide them with so much success and set up these activities in the day where your child can receive tokens, where this positive behavior is praised. We don't want to bring up the token board just when. Behaviors are not going well. We're wanting to use token boards, especially when behaviors are going right. We want to promote this positive behavior. I am not an advocate for using token boards with negative behaviors. I only like to use them with positive behaviors because this really creates this knock on effect And this positivity within your child. And the next one, and the last one that I want to mention is to teach coping skills. You really want to help your child develop these coping mechanisms for managing sensory sensitivities or frustration, you know, and techniques like deep breathing or grounding or sensory breaks or using a sensory tool can be really, really beneficial. Refusal behaviors really can be very challenging, but with a deeper understanding of these underlying causes, you can support your child very effectively. Now, remember that every child is so different, so it may take some trial and error, you know, these actionable steps that I have mentioned to find what works best for you and your family and your child, but try them out. See what works and the ones that do work. Put them in your little toolbox for when you need it. So thank you for joining me on this episode. And if you would like, you can book a free 45 minute consultation with me, visit my website in neuro nurture. co. za and get in touch, let's chat. Until next time, take care and keep nurturing those neurodiverse minds. 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