Chat out of Hell

Episode 2.1 - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

• Emma Crossland & Sam Wilkinson • Season 2 • Episode 1

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Chat out of Hell 2: Chat into Hell kicks off here.

We finally learn who won the cheeky bat mascot contest, Sam gets too involved in learning about A1 Sauce's "Sing For Your Beef" and we do get around to answering a few questions about I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That). Questions like:

Why does nobody know what "that" is when it's explained in the song?

Who directed this ridiculous music video?

Which famous retired Special Forces soldier cites this song as his inspiration for signing up?

CooH is back on its fortnightly release schedule so we'll see you on Monday 26th August to talk about Hulk Hogan's Theme and Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire.

The Meat Loaf ads discussed on this episode are:

Frankie and Benny's https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxS0kXUPLDI
A1 Sauce https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSAa9FgTBSg
AT&T GoPhone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHCk4mWtqCs

We also discussed his ad for ST1 Petrol Stations but had to cut it for time. It's an incredible visual feast though https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVbFS5mYnEw


Keep your comments, reviews and arguments flying in to chatoutofhell@gmail.com

Chat out of Hell is a is a review podcast: all music extracts are used for review/illustrative purposes. To hear the songs in full please buy them from your local record shop or streaming platform. Don't do a piracy.

Music extracts on this episode:
I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) by Meat Loaf from the album Bat out of Hell 2: Back into Hell (1993)
Rapping for my Beef by Big White Seth (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBvK26ogkwI)


Send us a text

Sam:

Emma, what is this?

Emma:

This is Chat Out of Hell, the only fortnightly podcast dedicated to Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman.

Sam:

Who is Meat Loaf?

Emma:

Meat Loaf is a singer, actor, performer and star of the 1997 film Spiceworld. Who's Jim Steinman?

Sam:

The self proclaimed Lord of Excess, who once wore the same pair of contact lenses for 17 years Uh Also, they both made music, who are we?

Emma:

I'm Emma Crossland and you're Sam Wilkinson. We are, I don't know, comedians or something? Writers? Tossers?

Sam:

Yeah, that all sounds about right!

Emma:

Welcome to Chat out of Hell

Sam:

Bow now, now, now!

Emma:

We're back?

Sam:

What was it like not thinking about Meat Loaf for six weeks?

Emma:

Calm.

Sam:

Yeah,

Emma:

I did have a Meat Loaf incident while I was out and about cause although I've been trying to exist on a diet of non Meat Loaf music it did creep in on my shuffle playlist while I was driving home from a gig. I was driving home from a gig in Wakefield and it was a Friday night. And, Bad For Good came on shuffle on my phone. And, As it was kicking off and getting to the good bits a bloke on a motorbike rode past me and in his hand was a can of special brew. And that's the most rock and roll thing that's happened to me in a long time.

Sam:

Oh, that man was bad

Emma:

Oh, for good.

Sam:

And so was his choice of lager.

Emma:

Yeah. I've never drunk special brew before, but somebody told me that it was like drinking two cans of lager at the same time..

Sam:

Ha! I don't remember if we've talked about this on podcast or not before, but Special Brew was invented for Winston Churchill.

Emma:

It is an efficient way of getting

Sam:

getting drunk. Yeah, and if there's one thing Winston Churchill liked, it's getting drunk and dropping apocryphal bons mot. that story of the woman saying, Mr. Churchill, I believe you are drunk. And him saying, ah, madam, you are ugly, but in the morning I will be sober. It really takes on a different tone when you consider that he's holding a a can of special brew. Lovely

Emma:

special. That lovely golden can

Sam:

Today's podcast is brought to you by.

Emma:

Special brew if the people at Carlsberg are listening we'd love a case

Sam:

Yes, please do. I've never drunk special brew. I think we need to. Yeah, and a whole case will kill us. Either if you work for Carlsberg or you just to end the podcast? do send us a case of special brew.

Emma:

Some might say it's the kindest thing. Ha ha

Sam:

we've had some messages while we've been away. We've had quite a few, actually. Would you like to listen to the one you know about, the one you kind of know about, or the brand new one?

Emma:

Ooh, I'd like to listen to the brand new

Sam:

This is just a bit of a comment on Film Club. This is from Eddy

Emma:

Huh. Hi, Eddy.

Sam:

Longtime listener, regular messenger. He appreciated my comparison between Streets of Fire and that episode of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, 9.

Emma:

Nerds

Sam:

to the extent that he now wants to watch Streets of Fire. So based on that one piece of feedback, our film club was a complete failure. That wasn't what we were doing this for We watch these films so you don't have have to! If it comes on film four on a Saturday afternoon. Yeah. That's the only time I would warrant watching

Emma:

And you've done literally everything else there is to do.

Sam:

We've had some names in for our cheeky bat mascot. I have mentioned these to you before but I'll run them by you on the pod. See which you like. We put out a competition at the very start, of series one. For somebody to come up with a name for the cheeky purple bat that adorns our podcast art that Emma we've got two names that have come in. Marvelous. We could either have That the

Emma:

bat. That the bat.

Sam:

Or, Batloaf, the bat. So I'll put it over to you Emma. this is a competition with a prize. There will be a badge winging its way to

Emma:

I see what you did there with the bat and the winging.

Sam:

I really didn't intend to.

Emma:

I like That the bat.

Sam:

That the bat. Congratulations to Tom Furnival from Cambridge who sent that suggestion. And commiserations to

Emma:

Tom Furnival from Cambridge,

Sam:

who suggested Batloaf.

Emma:

Sometimes it feels like we're podcasting into the void.

Sam:

No, Tom's listening.

Emma:

From the void. Yeah.

Sam:

One more then. We have an email that has come in while we're on our summer break. This is a message that came from Tom, I think Wuffenden, maybe Wuffenden, sorry.

Emma:

Tom, write in and let us know.

Sam:

Yeah, why

Emma:

We're the only people that listen to our podcast called Tom.

Sam:

listen to our podcast called Tom. We are a Tom heavy podcast, yeah. Yeah, we have more listeners called Tom than, I, I imagine, women listeners. It's

Emma:

It's just me and my mum.

Sam:

count as a

Emma:

I know. On the stats I

Sam:

your mum doesn't listen. It's she just says

Emma:

fessed up. She said, oh, I keep meaning to. Yeah, OK.

Sam:

yeah, keep meaning to isn't clicks. Anyway, Tom says, Tom says, Hi folks! I properly discovered Meat Loaf last year when I saw the Bat Out of Hell musical. I then started looking into Jim Steinman. And may I say, we're both very excited to go see the Bat Out of Hell musical next

Emma:

yes.

Sam:

Tom continues, The guy is a legend, an incredible body of songs, but I must say, though the podcast is a Meat Loaf jukebox. And thank you for telling us what kind of podcast we have, Tom, because I do struggle to sort of explain the point of this

Emma:

and I think

Sam:

And I think that's what, we're a jukebox podcast. point

Emma:

Yeah, we're a Meat Loaf jukebox podcast. That still doesn't explain the point of it, but at least it's some words to use.

Sam:

I'd love you to include songs from Steinman's only record, Bad For Good, the album made for Meat Loaf but he was so drugged and fucked up by then he couldn't sing. So Steinman, who can't sing anyway, stepped in to do an album, and he was so bad he drafted in Rory Dodd to sing a few songs on the record, best known for being the guy in Total Eclipse of the Heart who sings turn around bright eyes.

Emma:

rendition there, Sam.

Sam:

you. way out of my register.

Emma:

Register!

Sam:

Turn around, bright eyes. Me and Tom Waits, we're like that.

Emma:

There's

Sam:

and Tom Waits were like that.

Emma:

a

Sam:

There's a YouTube video of Steinman singing the track Rock'n'Roll Dreams Come Through on some German TV show, but he's miming and Rory Dodd is the one singing. It's hilarious. Though I will say, that is a great song. Agreed.

Emma:

Absolutely.

Sam:

People who don't know that song, I think you'll hear it at some point on this series. It's

Emma:

likely.

Sam:

Dance In My Pants would be a great one for you guys to cover. It's mental. Agreed on both points, that one will be coming up very

Emma:

soon.

Sam:

Ah ha. Also, Steinman wrote the lyrics to the musical Whistle Down the Wind, with music by none other than Andrew Lloyd Webber. How on earth did that happen? What a bizarre combo. Steinman was previously asked by ALW Are

Emma:

we on board with No.

Sam:

It

Emma:

It takes It's harder to say than Andrew Lloyd Webber. It's

Sam:

like w w w for World Wide Web. Do lyrics for Phantom of the Opera. Which makes way more sense. But he was too busy with Bonnie Tyler doing Faster than the Speed of Sound. Though Steinman said what a stupid idea it obviously was to have turned down Phantom. Okay, I agree, Steinman should have done Phantom, because,

Emma:

It would have been amazing.

Sam:

Jim Steinman is the phantom of the Opera. in all possible ways. We are going to talk about the life he lived, outside of work, I think, on this series. But also, uh, Faster than the speed of sound's a really good record, actually. And I am going to bring some songs off that. Thanks, guys. I'm so glad this podcast exists. I know! All the best, Tom. And I would just like to reiterate that Tom is a real person

Emma:

exists. It's not just you writing to

Sam:

It's not just me! A real person that neither of us have met is glad this podcast exists Shall we have a little bit of a recap before we go into

Emma:

I think we probably should. The idea was that we would analyse in, as I've said many times before, punishing detail the songs of Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman, with a view to eventually, at a point TBC writing our own Meat Loaf esque epic. And so this is basically a study in preparation for that. A study. I know. Yeah.

Sam:

a jukebox and a

Emma:

It's a jukebox and it's a study, which I think makes it an academic body of work.

Sam:

Holy shit, we're professors.

Emma:

I think this is our PhD. I'm definitely putting a lot more work into this than I ever did my actual degree.

Sam:

Oh shit, me too yeah, yeah. 2 2 in philosophy, if anybody's

Emma:

Ah, 2 1 in television production, which has served me very well indeed.

Sam:

Normally on this podcast, Emma, we both bring a Meat Loaf or Jim Steinman written slash performed slash something song for us to kick about together and talk about and then rate on our patented scales. This episode, we're opening series two with their best biggest song in sales terms in cultural impact terms and in literal size So we've decided to just do this one song between us and that song is I'd Do Anything For Love,(But I Won't Do That) so listeners, go away, find I'd Do Anything For Love But I Won't Do That on YouTube, Spotify, wherever you get your music. Mine comes off CD.

Emma:

Aww.

Sam:

you! You could try the video, the music video is fantastic. Many of you will have seen it, but it's only the seven minute edit, whereas the full version of the song is 12 minutes long, so We won't judge you if you don't want to listen to all of that. Go away, listen to it. We're gonna play a clip of it now and we'll see you after this.

Music:

as the wheels are turning As long as the fires are burning As long as your prayers are coming true You'd better believe it That I would do anything for love And you know it's true and that's a fact I would do anything for love, and there'll never be no turning back.

Sam:

That was nice, wasn't it? It Yeah, we didn't make you listen to some shite this time.

Emma:

It's a true classic.

Sam:

Emma, tell us about this.

Emma:

I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that, was released on August the 31st, 1993. It's from Bat Out of Hell 2, Back Into Hell. The singers on that song were, of course, Meat Loaf, but also Lorraine Crosby sang the part of the woman and was credited on the album as Mrs. Loud, rather than, an actual proper credit.

Sam:

British. Oh,

Emma:

Oh, wait a minute. Aye, she was credited properly for her other performances on the album. So I've got a few facts about Lorraine Crosby. She wasn't paid for the role on this track as she originally recorded the vocals as a guide for Meat Loaf so on the album note, she's credited as Mrs. Loud she did release. Music and an album under that title in later years as well Cher, Melissa Etheridge and Bonnie Tyler had all been considered for the role. Bonnie Tyler, who described Crosby as a great friend of mine from Newcastle, said"Meat Loaf was naughty, really. He gave her no acknowledgement on the album. But I think her part really made that song". From bits and pieces I've read. She does still receive PRS royalties for the thing,

Sam:

Probably. A cheque made out to Mrs. Loud arrives every six months.

Emma:

One final fact is that she appeared in the first round of BBC second series. of The Voice on the 6th of April in 2013 and she failed to progress when she was rejected by all four of the coaches, which I think is ridiculous

Sam:

That just proves that The Voice is horse piss.

Emma:

Yes, indeed.. This song reached number one in 28 countries, which is pretty epic. Meat Loaf won his one and only Grammy for the song, taking the trophy for best rock solo performance. The album version is 12 minutes and one second long. The video version is seven minutes, 48. And there were loads of other versions produced to fit different markets around the world and different airplay and things. And Jim Steinman was very bitter about all of that.

Sam:

Oh, of course he was He wanted 12 minutes or nothing

Emma:

I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that. Started out at 15 minutes long.

Sam:

Okay. long. Now I love this song. I know you do as well. Loads of people

Emma:

song. Yeah, it's a good song.

Sam:

It's one of my favorite songs ever. It's one of their unequivocally good songs. But it's a bit much as it is. fifteen minutes.

Emma:

Fifteen minutes

Sam:

What other things are in that fifteen minute version that he won't do for love? That's what I would like to know.

Emma:

maybe this is where the misogynistic edit is. So I

Sam:

I

Emma:

do the washing up. I won't help you around the house. I won't help look after the kids.

Sam:

I won't consider your emotional needs.

Emma:

That's probably better than it hit the cutting room floor. So yeah, it was supposed to be 15 minutes long and Alan Kovac told Jim Steinman, you've got to cut nine minutes, Jim. This is never going to get played on radio. And Jim was apparently inconsolable about it, crying in front of everybody. It's my baby. You're butchering my baby.

Sam:

That needs

Emma:

That came from Meat Loaf's autobiography. And apparently, every time somebody tries to get him to shave even a few seconds off of it, to make it more suitable for radio, Jim Steinman just said, Yeah, but what about Bohemian Rhapsody? Which just made him sound like a petulant child, and also, Bohemian Rhapsody was only five minutes and fifty five seconds long.

Sam:

And the thing about Bohemian Rhapsody is that it's 12 songs crammed into one five minute song.

Emma:

This is definitely just one song. I mean it's a classic Meat Loaf Steinman effort in that there are several acts to it. Yes. Which is a trope that we need to remember when we write our own

Sam:

It's a multi part narrative. Yeah.

Emma:

This comes from Jim Steinman." I started off this whole album with an image of Meat Loaf on stage. For some reason, I started off with a live show imageI'd Do Anything For Love(But I Won't Do That) was the first song I wrote for Bat 2. And it was definitely a Beauty and the Beast kind of story, which you can really see in the video, which we'll come on to later on. What he won't do is said about six times in the song, very specifically. It's a little puzzle and I guess It goes by, but they're all great things." I won't stop doing beautiful things and I won't do bad things. It's very noble. I'm very proud of that song because it's very much out of the world of Excalibur. To me, it's like Sir Lancelot or something. Very noble and chivalrous. That's my favorite song on the record. It's very ambitious." Just Jim Steinman being very modest again.

Sam:

Yeah. If there's one thing you can say for Jim Steinman, he doesn't like to blow his own horn.

Emma:

Meat Loaf on the same topic said, when we were recording it, Jim brings up the thing. He says,'people aren't going to know what that is'. I said,'of course they are, how can they not know?' He goes,'they're not gonna'." So that's Jim contradicting himself there, a bit. If

Sam:

only got that 15 minute version.

Emma:

Where he specifically lays out what that is

Sam:

and that, I mean to to say, is the washing up.

Emma:

Clearing up what that is, Meat Loaf himself explained, It's the line before every chorus. There's nine of them, I think. The problem lies because Jimmy likes to write. So you forget what the line is before you get to, I won't do that.

Sam:

Do you know what? It's rare I'll say this, but Meat Loaf has been very insightful

Emma:

yes

Sam:

Because, what makes Jim Steinman's good stuff good is his incredible Baroque language. And you're taking it one line at a time of the sort of, Fucking what? Okay, brilliant. And you do forget what you've just heard, because of the next shovel full of

Emma:

Yeah. your way. Shovel full of nonsense. Is a beautiful way of putting it,

Sam:

The things Meat Loaf won't do include lying to you and that's a fact

Emma:

Mm hmm.

Sam:

forgetting the way you feel right now. Oh no, no way. Forgiving myself if we don't go all the tonight.

Emma:

That's such a teenage boy thing. Oh goodness. Come on, we should go all the way, oh my god, we'll never forgive ourselves if we don't go all the way tonight.

Sam:

not even we.

Emma:

I've heard that before. I'll

Sam:

never forgive myself if you don't get my magical

Emma:

if Just touch it, please, just touch it. Meat Loaf has said that whenever he performs songs, he takes on different characters for those songs. And on this one, according to a 1993 Rolling Stone interview, Meat Loaf took on the character of a 15 year old boy, which

Sam:

Ew can

Emma:

I can see it, but yeah, ew.

Sam:

This is an album by 40 something men about the teenage experience

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

My notes like the whole album, this song does have real divorce dad energy. I would do anything for love, so please don't take the kids your mum's. That's the underlying plea throughout the whole song. I would, I'd do anything for love, please don't leave me. I'll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life. I'll never do it better than I do it with you.

Emma:

Which is pretty horrible.

Sam:

I'll never bother to learn what makes another woman satisfied in bed. That's the line there.

Emma:

Is that noble?

Sam:

I don't want to start again. I look bad in a leather jacket and a sports car. Please don't do this to me, Sandra.

Emma:

I just can't be bothered to learn what another woman likes.

Sam:

it took you a long time to train me. No other woman will have the patience that you do.

Emma:

This old dog can't learn new tricks.

Sam:

There's an image.

Emma:

Everyone's favorite piss drinking adventurer, Bear Grylls, cites this song as his inspiration to apply for selection to the SAS. He said,"enthusiasm and determination count for so much more than skills, brains or qualifications", which is genuinely worrying. all this expressed itself to me through Meat Loaf's song."

Sam:

Yeah, you're right, I want my SAS to be qualified, not just really up for it.

Emma:

Yeah, Because you meet people who are really up for it, and often they're lovely, but fuck me

Sam:

never watched it, but I've seen the trailers for Celebrity SAS Training, whatever it's called. The trailers in no way imply that the whole of SAS training is corralling a bunch of guys and"Alright guys, who really wants to be in the SAS?""Oh, me

Emma:

me, sir,

Sam:

me, me!" me!"Come on in, Grylls.

Emma:

What's your

Sam:

song, by the way?""I'd do anythi""Brilliant, yeah, mine is Touch my Bum by the Cheeky Girls." I would like to know what inspired other famous ex Special Forces people. Like, What song inspired Chris Ryan to join the And why was it Scatman Brackets Scabop dee ba bop by the Scatman? John!

Emma:

Good yeah, I'm glad you managed to squeeze that in

Sam:

That's one we're doing this series Emma.

Emma:

Yep. Thought it might be. Good. It is nice to have a break from the logical song. So a couple of extra bits then.

Sam:

I've got a review of it actually. The album sold really well. It was very well received generally. It did make both of them rich men But, they're not the fun reviews, so I'm going to read you this review of the album from the Los Angeles Daily Bat Out of Hell 2, Back Into Hell, again by Steinman, is a dreadful descent into a listening hell full of overblown, overlong, oversung, and plain awful lyrics that read like passages from a teen's diary. As a songwriter, Steinman has never found a cliche he couldn't overuse. You cannot argue with any of that.

Emma:

completely true. it's all completely

Sam:

true but, it's fucking amazing. Yes.

Emma:

that's what you want in a song.

Sam:

Thank you, LA Daily news. How much does it annoy you that the song is called, I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that? Oh, massively, because, yeah if you listen back to the previous episodes where I trailed this, I called it I Would Do anything for love. And

Emma:

it's not, it's, I'd do anything for love.

Sam:

I'm furious at Jim Steinman Why is he all about shortening things in the title?

Emma:

Shortening it like that, using the I'd instead of I would is almost taking the piss

Sam:

I'm honestly baffled that Fiona Apple still holds the title of longest song title in the world when Jim Steinman has been around. for so long.

Emma:

Laughter

Sam:

Oh no,

Emma:

that

Sam:

was an album. Tits.

Emma:

Oh, we'll have to cut that.

Sam:

Sorry to all Apple heads out there.

Emma:

I've done a bit of a list of adverts that the songs featured in. Most recently it was in Marks and Spencer's Christmas campaign. It was for 2023. Yeah. It's also been in a recent Pets at home campaign. Yeah. Dr Pepper have used it McDonald's have used it. M& M's have used it. A1 Sauce, which is a, an American condiment. they've used it. ST1 Nordic Petrol Stations have used it.

Sam:

Shout out to ST1 Nordic Petrol Stations.

Emma:

And Frankie and Benny's used it. In an advert that I'm going to show you now.

Sam:

okay.

Laptop:

It's time to see Yo, Mr. Meat, I'm Hugo, your new manager. Where the hell's Taylor? Loving the sounds. Classic loaf. So, Mr. Meat. No! Not Mr. Meat. Meat. Sure. Mr. Meat, we've been thinking, Beef is out. Beetroot is in. Sausages are out. Soy is in. With that in mind, how about you go vegan? Vegloaf. Ah, it's PR genius! No, it's not. I like your enthusiasm, and I was thinking you could do a collab with Frankie and Benny's. Who the hell's Frankie and Jenny? You could be the face of their vegan menu. I don't think so, man. What about less guitar shredding and more tearing and sharing of the garlic pizza bread? What the hell? With vegan mozzarella. What? I sense you're not a fan of garlic bread, so how about the Viva La Vegan burger with vegan cheese fries? Then the no cheese cheesecake. You don't want to start, do you? How about it? Veg Loaf. I'm not changing my name. I thought you'd do anything for veg. Yeah, but He won't do that.

Sam:

I'm baffled, Emma.

Emma:

So we've just watched the Frankie and Benny's ad.. I'm gonna put you're going to put the link and the time code? I'm gonna put the link and timecode in. I'm also, Frankie and Bennies, you can fucking sue me. If you want, over this. I'm gonna put some of that audio, a lot of that audio in, because It's just awful, isn't it? So this I'm not sure what year that came out but looks like, towards the end of Meat Loaf's career. And it's a painfully awkward advert.

Sam:

the year was 2020. got the press release here if you'd like. go on. Musician Meat Loaf is going vegan for Veganuary and partnered with United Kingdom based chain Frankie Benny's to promote its vegan options. The 72 year old singer who's famous for singing the lyrics, I will do anything for love, but I won't do that. No, he's not. It's for singing the lyrics, I would do anything for love, but I won't do was previously vegetarian for 11 years, but recently returned to eating meat When Frankie and Benny's first approached me to rebrand to Vegloaf, I said, no way in hell, I won't do that. But I'd do anything for our planet, and dropping meat for veg, even for just one day a week, can make a huge difference."'We wanted to encourage diners to swap meat for veg this January, so who better to sign up than one of the most recognized artists on the planet? Elisa Ashe, Director of Strategy and Brand for Frankie and Benny's said. Who is into Meat Loaf? Divorced dads. What's the number one restaurant for divorced dads to take their kids to at the weekend? Frankie and benny's. It's the perfect collab.

Emma:

I suppose so. Yeah. Oh, that's a depressing one. Would you like a slightly more upbeat advert? singforyourbeef. com

Sam:

singforyourbeef.com Emma, what was that

Emma:

So that was for A1 sauce which is an American condiment that I've never tried before. You said it was a bit

Sam:

Oh yeah, I've had it it's, a blander version of brown sauce is how I'd advertise it. That's not how I'd advertise it!

Emma:

the best I can come up with! Your job as an advertising executive! The advert itself features Meat Loaf in his luxurious,

Sam:

Meat Loaf Manor

Emma:

Meat Loaf manor. Yeah. Yeah. it is a

Sam:

McMansion!

Emma:

It is a McMansion.

Sam:

Meat Loaf hanging out by the pool in his McMansion. He realises his meatloaf, the foodstuff, is ready.

Emma:

When he goes to the oven to collect it, he is wearing bunny slippers, which is my favorite part of the whole ad.

Sam:

Yes. He gets his meatloaf out of the oven, As an aside, can we agree that meatloaf the food product looks absolutely vile?

Emma:

It doesn't, that didn't look yummy.

Sam:

I think I might have had it once in a diner, but

Emma:

it, just looked like a slab of pressed meat. It also looked really overcooked.

Sam:

Oh yeah,

Emma:

it looks burnt

Sam:

as fuck and that's why he got a six foot tall bottle of A1 sauce to then pour some on it and sing

Emma:

I would do anything for love and I always do this, as he slathers the overcooked meat with the brown sauce

Sam:

A1 makes your overcooked bland meat taste of something.

Emma:

Oh yeah.

Sam:

So there was a link on that to singforyourbeef. com and that URL is dead. But I did

Emma:

did

Sam:

have a quick search for singforyourbeef and it was linked to some sort of competition.

Emma:

Oh.

Sam:

So I've got a couple of videos that people's entries to the singforyourbeef

Emma:

oh my God. Contest.

Sam:

I'm just gonna Click on this one. This is Rapping for my Beef by Big White Seth.

Emma:

Hi, Big White Seth.

Laptop:

My rhymes flow tight just like the bottle cap might When your steak sauce shop and it's love at first sight Red and white label, a brand you shouldn't miss Accept that invite if you're able, feel some barbecued bliss Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, A1's known to persist First choice for my meat, on this I must insist Dismiss the thought of other sauce for meat eating delight Second to none in taste tests, think I'll have some tonight, cause Nothing's better with meat than A1

Sam:

That was Big White Seth wrapping for his beef.

Emma:

I wonder who won.

Sam:

I will try and find out more about this Sing For Your Beef contest, and if I find anything good, we'll put it on our our socials and possibly come back to

Emma:

it this going to be another one of the Wilkinson mysteries?

Sam:

Yeah, I

Emma:

you like another advert,

Sam:

I'd love another advert Emma

Emma:

so there is one more advert on this, magical reel that I found. It's not related to, I'd do anything for love, but it's too good to pass up. And it's related to a song we have already covered.

Sam:

have

Laptop:

Shh, Shh Hey dad, I want a GoPhone Let me sleep on it It has unlimited talk and text Let me sleep on it And no surprise bill I can't take it any longer Son, I'm crazed you ask about the GoPhone every night and day As long as there's no surprise bills to pay We're gonna go and get you a GoPhone today Cause I'll love you till the end of time I swear I'll love you I'll be till the end of time. So we'll go and get you a GoPhone tonight. And we'll see paradise by the GoPhone light. Yeah! Never felt so good, never felt so right, we'll go get our son a GoPhone tonight.

Sam:

I don't know about you, but I could do with a

Emma:

I would very much like a GoPhone that's incredible, it's the best advert by far. Yeah?

Sam:

Thanks. What the heck is a GoPhone? So that was weird.

Emma:

That was a parody of Paradise by the Dashboard Light, wasn't it?

Sam:

Yes, of course The song about teenage horniness

Emma:

eah.

Sam:

transmuted into a lovely song about a son and dad who love each other very much and the dad buys his son the phone that he

Emma:

wants. Yeah.

Sam:

That's nice. is. It's very wholesome. Yeah. That's the problem though, isn't it? Because if you hear that tune, you are thinking about two teens boning in a car. Yep. You are not thinking about dad and

Emma:

teenage son.

Sam:

son. You should these. Listeners, yeah, they're in the show notes. I'll put the links in and stuff. Do check those adverts out because they are bizarre. Weird windows into a world

Emma:

Into a world of questionable advertising decisions.

Sam:

The Frankie and Benny's one was early 2020 and they rapidly had other things to worry about in marketing terms But I don't think that would have shifted the needle very

Emma:

much on their

Sam:

vegan food sales

Emma:

Oh shit Meat Loaf's gone vegan. I'm gonna go vegan. Said no one.

Sam:

GoPhones. If I had a son, I'd buy him a goPhone.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

And the advert for A1 Sauce just made me sad about American food And I know some Americans think that our food is bad and they are fucking idiots. shall we talk about the video then,

Emma:

We should talk about the video because, ooh, what a

Sam:

What a video. Meat Loaf Memories

Emma:

Memories. So my mum was a Meat Loaf fan, like from the seventies. She had the albums has the albums. But I hadn't been introduced to Mr Loaf formally by the time this came out.

Sam:

At a dance. At a dance at Lord Barthingdon's place. Oh Miss Crosland, you simply must meet Mr Loaf. He'd be absolutely charmed. Sorry. Sorry. So I first heard it at the same time. And I liked it. It was like my first proper music got into. So I must've been about nine. I think I was nine at the time when this came out. And my parents noticed that I liked it. And mum got the album for Christmas that year and we listened to it loads. And then when the tour. came out she took me to see him. by that point I was 10, and so Meat Loaf was my first concert, and it was big and scary, and there was an inflatable bat. that was my introduction to live music. That's a hell of an introduction.

Emma:

Yeah, going to see smaller bands after that.

Sam:

Where's your bat? Where's your massive bat?

Emma:

What's going on? Where's your numerous guitars and somebody to bring you a fresh one when you're bored of this one?

Sam:

So let's talk the video

Emma:

then. Yes.

Sam:

by Michael Bay mad, You say it's mad but mad,

Emma:

so.

Sam:

yeah, the minute you hear that, you think, Oh yes, of course, that makes perfect sense. Because it has too many helicopters and police cars and explosions. The video tells a sort of Beauty and the Beast type fable right? Meat Loaf plays a hideous beast monster who's being chased by the cops early on, on a motorbike, and then he goes and hides in a mausoleum. And accidentally runs over some cops on his motorbike while escaping. And then he spies on a pretty lady having a bath in a river.

Emma:

It's a bit of a Herbal Essences moment isn't it

Sam:

loaf's bit of the video is tinged blue and horrible and an evil forest. And then she's bathing

Emma:

in sunlight

Sam:

sunlight, with singing birds around her. Flicking her hair around Yeah. And despite that being a creepy and illegal activity, the lady is actually quite into being spied on. Because she is aware.

Emma:

We don't kink shame on this podcast. But. But, Yes, always check. Please don't spy on the pretty ladies.

Sam:

If there's one thing you should take away from this podcast, it's don't spy on any ladies in the

Emma:

bath, Yep.

Sam:

otherwise. So my notes say this, he spends five minutes in his magical house spying on a hot girl with magic, knowing that he's too uggo to talk to her. he creeps on her as she has a bath. Now that's a second bath, we have to say. For some reason, she has a bath in the river, follows him to his house, and then immediately has another bath.

Emma:

Yeah, but I'll leap to her defence on this, because I like a bath. I can happily sit in a bath for up to three hours while reading or staring into space. I love a good bath. And there have been some times in the depths of winter when I've had a lovely bath, and then I've reached the end of the day and thought, I could really do with a bath. So I can relate to it. I have to say, I have never had a two bath day, but I've come very close.

Sam:

Do Do you know what, Emma? Let's practice self care. Have a two bath day this week. Listeners!

Emma:

it's, no, it's the wrong time of year for a two bath day. In the winter, I will have a two bath day,

Sam:

Okay, so when

Emma:

That's weird, isn't it?

Sam:

Yeah!

Emma:

I'll be taking, hey, Sam, off in

Sam:

Bath two! It's going alright. Don't know if he's spying on me yet, I'll let you know. Well, this fervent bath addict has one bath in the river, goes for a walk, finds a house, thinks to herself, you know know what, bath time. Second bath and then she just finds a bed and goes to sleep in it, Goldilocks style, at which point she's suddenly seduced by three hot ladies in a scene that references The Brides of dracula. question here. This is Meat Loaf's magical castle? why doesn't Meat Loaf just bone those hot ladies? Why does he have to lure a fourth hot lady into his

Emma:

Because she's the one that he'd do anything for.

Sam:

Oh Oh.

Emma:

And he wouldn't do that, and that in this case refers to the other women.

Sam:

Bit of a shame for them, innit?

Emma:

Is it?

Sam:

They are clearly sex starved.

Emma:

Is this like the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Are these sex people?

Sam:

This is a house full of sex people. you're right.

Emma:

sex people.

Sam:

Oh my god, Meat Loaf is Frank N. Furter. It's come full circle. He's spying on people, there's questionable consent issues, there's a weird transformative magic. He's not

Emma:

made a monster yet though, or a man.

Sam:

He is the man and the monster. deeper than

Emma:

Horror. This is getting deep. Yeah,

Sam:

man. Deeper than

Emma:

Rocky Horror.

Sam:

There's a

Emma:

There's a quote for the poster.

Sam:

Michael Bay. Deeper than Rocky Horror. Meat Loaf spies on her, boning the hot babes, and then my note says, Fuck! The cops have sent a tough detective guy. He's got round wire framed glasses, so you know he's going to be ruthlessly efficient. Cutes. He looks like a discount version of Assistant Director Skinner from The X Files. I looked up the guy who plays the detective. He's been a nothing of any note. Upsetting, really. There we go. The cops break into Meat Loaf's castle and instantly all the magic gets dismissed. The lady finds Meat Loaf and doesn't mind that he's a hideous beast. Her love transforms him into, well, not a hottie, normal normal Meat Loaf. Which actually is better so that, I think we've talked about this before as well, the Disney Beauty and the Beast cartoon. Beast, much hotter than The

Emma:

The Prince, yeah. at the end. And I'm glad that this is a general consensus and not just a me thing.'cause I've always thought that right from when I first saw the Disney's Beauty and the Beast, that I would much rather hang out with Beast than the Prince that he eventually became. But then, I'm quite fond of the fox version of Robin Hood that Disney created, I

Sam:

Sexy Fox, robin Hood. Yeah, and if you step outside Disney, you've got the Dogtanian cartoon, which had a sexy cat spy called Milady..

Emma:

hee hee hee hee hee that one of your awakenings?

Sam:

that's one for the 40 something men. Ha Ha Oh, it's a weird world that we inhabit isn't it? just? Meet Lo from The Girl, vanish, and ride off on a bike. Brum brum. So that's a quick summary of the plot of the film. Do you want to talk about acting?

Emma:

If it can be called that.

Sam:

Jim Steinman described Meat Loaf generally. as"a gargoyle beast with elements of Jackie Gleason and Homer Simpson." Because, and I want to make this absolutely clear, Jim Steinman was an awful prick to his best friend. I need to find out how to put it into the podcast at some point in this

Emma:

series.

Sam:

Jim Steinman tells a very funny anecdote about something really awful that happens to Meat

Emma:

Loaf. Oh god.

Sam:

And it's, I want to share it with so many caveats about what an awful person he is to share

Emma:

this, Yeah. So funny.

Sam:

But

Emma:

Oh, we need to find a way of shoehorning

Sam:

Next time we discuss the breakdown in their relationship, I think it goes in there. Meat Loaf described himself as The Robert De Niro of rock in a 1993 interview with Rolling Stone

Emma:

stone. Robert

Sam:

Robert De Niro of rock? No,

Emma:

No.

Sam:

Jim Belushi of rock?

Emma:

Maybe.

Sam:

Dan Aykroyd of rock.

Emma:

Dan aykroyd of rock.

Sam:

Flowers, isn't it?

Emma:

this happens, isn't it? Aykroyd

Sam:

is actually probably quite silly, over the top, only a couple of successful hits. Utterly fucking batshit crazy in later life. yeah, there's Dan Aykroyd of rock,

Emma:

of

Sam:

was Meat Loaf. Emma, would you like a quiz? Yes! This quiz is about the cinematographer on this film, who is a man called Daniel Pearl.

Emma:

He's

Sam:

most famous for being a cinematographer on Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the original one. And he's also famous for massacring the English languageAs I will you now. But which of these is not a genuine quote from Daniel Pearl? Is it A, The video for I'd Do Anything for Love is one of my personal all time favourite projects. I think the cinematography is pure and it tells a story about the song.

Emma:

Okay.

Sam:

That's it, that's all he's got to say about his all time favourite project. Is it B? I grew up listening to music and when I heard a song often enough, I could sing the words along with the melody. During the 1980s and 90s, young people mainly watched the music in addition to hearing it. I wonder, do they now visualise images when they hear music? Or was it C? I think this track will go on to be an evergreen because it's so catchy and original. A real wordsmith

Emma:

Yeah. Which one of these

Sam:

did he not say?

Emma:

I've no idea, they're all incredibly bland

Sam:

Yes!

Emma:

Yeah,

Sam:

I read a whole interview with him and by god he's not an interesting man to talk to.

Emma:

let's pick one at random, let's pick B.

Sam:

B. I grew up listening to music and when I heard a song often enough, I could sing the words along. Yes. He did say that. He did

Emma:

say that.

Sam:

Didn't say. I think this track, will go on to be an evergreen because it's so catchy and that? was a man called Tony Catania,

Emma:

Okay.

Sam:

who was the producer of Scatman, brackets, skibabop badop bop, scatman talking about the song's future prospects.

Emma:

Ugh!

Sam:

And do you think that song did go on to be an evergreen, Emma?

Emma:

I think possibly in your world it did.

Sam:

Ba Ba bada bum. We talked about Michael Bay was the director on this film. It was originally slated to be David Fincher, who went on to direct Meat Loaf in Fight Club. He left because they wouldn't approve his budget of 1. 7 million.

Emma:

uh,

Sam:

Michael Bay took it over for 750, 000, Which, to put in context, an unnamed record label exec claimed that this had the budget of four weddings and a funeral

Emma:

Wow.

Sam:

so you can have seven minutes of Meat Loaf driving up and down on a motorbike or 90 minutes of Hugh Grant going blah blah blah And being cruel Four Weddings is quite a good film. It's before richard Curtis disappears up his own arsehole Michael Bay is also responsible for visuals connected to the likes of Tina Turner, Lionel Richie, and even the Divinyls' signature smash I Touch Myself because of course he did, the horny little beast. As always, I have gone onto YouTube to find some comments. We'll start with Undisclosed Female. Am I weird for finding him so gorgeous in that makeup?

Emma:

Yes, you are. Moving on. that's,

Sam:

Undisclosed female. I thought we were kink positive.

Emma:

each to their own. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but

Sam:

Beast is in the eye of the beholder.

Emma:

hey. Hey, hey. hey.

Sam:

just high fived myself, listeners.

Emma:

I don't want to like it, but I do.

Sam:

Just like Undisclosed female. Ha ha ha Father Timex. I don't know if that's Father Timex, he looks

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

or Father Time and then a little

Emma:

Aww. Time.

Sam:

Aw. this video has everything you could want. You got your monster man, you got a cop who kills himself, you have a hot girl who then has ghost lesbian sex, a hard boiled detective out to get the cop killer. It's all great until the end, and then they just teleport out, and he's normal.

Emma:

I do like the listing there. You got this, you got that. I

Sam:

don't know why I wasted 10 minutes describing what was in the

Emma:

video, That does it

Sam:

just gone to file the Timex, yeah. And then here's a bit of a chat thread that, I'll read out the thread to you. It starts with at d e c 0 d e m 3. And I know what you want me to say there, but I'm not saying it. Use letters. When I was a baby, this song was the only thing that would put me right to sleep. So obviously my mom went out and bought the cassette. Now, 27 years later, I'm still listening to this song. R. I. P. It's nice, isn't it? It's lovely. And then somebody called AlexLi77 replies. They said, Oh, come on! There were CDs in 1993!

Emma:

I had a CD player back then!

Sam:

To which dEC0DEM3 says, alright, cool. Good on ya. And then other people start chipping in, telling AlexLi77 to fuck off. SaltyBow776 says, I still listen to tapes. P. S. No need to be an a hole. Plenty of people were using tapes in the 90s. I remember seeing them in stores still in 2004 to 2008.

Emma:

In fairness, in certain hipster stores. Urban Outfitters, I'm looking at you. can still buy cassettes now

Sam:

LD7 just says, be respectful.

Emma:

Oh, the voice of reason.

Sam:

AlexLi77 comes back to say, To those people who think this comment is rude, it was not meant that way. But the fact that people took it there really shows that we have some super sensitive people these days. That's a you problem and I can't fix that.

Emma:

Oh, the internet.

Sam:

Yeah! And then there's one more somebody called Stacey with two y's, StaceyE100, just replies with a sort of frowny And AlexLi77 says, What does this even mean? I crossed over and wouldn't remember. Honey, I was in my mid teens in 1993. I can assure you I had a CD player back then. What is happening? The

Emma:

internet is awful. We're making the mistake of reading below. want

Sam:

to know what happened in Li Alex Li 77 Oh no, this is going to another Sam Wilkinson

Emma:

Mystery Bowl. A very specific mystery.

Sam:

What the fuck is wrong

Emma:

with that? What's wrong?

Sam:

So if you know what the fuck is wrong with Alex077,

Emma:

with that, do

Sam:

email email us in, chatoutofhellatgmail. com

Emma:

Make sure you put in the subject heading, The Wilkinson Mysteries.

Sam:

As always Emma, we have to rate this song on our patented Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman song rating scales. this song was written by Jim Steinman, so we used the Jim Steinman scale, which runs from Jim Steinman at the top, to Jim Fineman in the middle, all the way down to Jim Declineman.

Emma:

That's right.

Sam:

What's this song for you?

Emma:

It's obviously a massive Jim Steinman.

Sam:

Obviously a massive Jim steinman steinman,

Emma:

Oh, that echo effect you've got is really good.

Sam:

you. Thank So that was Chat Out of Hell, we're back. If you have enjoyed this podcast, do let us know, just like Tom did earlier, chatoutofhellatgmail. com. Let us know what you thought about the song. Did we miss something obvious? Do you hate it? I imagine most people don't, otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far, but please do let me know, chatoutofhellatgmail. com, or give us your opinions on our songs for next time. Emma, what are you bringing to next time?

Emma:

time? Next time I'm bringing one of my all time favourites and a really daft song. it's going to be Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire. Ooh, and that also appears on the Bat Out of Hell 2 album. Yes.

Sam:

Okay, that was me having a conversation, but you just looked at me as if to say It's quite alright. And I am bringing a challenge for you next time because I am bringing something that Jim Steinman wrote for somebody else in the mid eighties. I'm bringing Hulk Hogan's Theme. God. Yeah, so you can definitely find that on YouTube. I'm not sure if it's on anything else. But yeah, if you just look up Hulk Hogan's theme, you'll find the wrestling album colon WWF all stars Hulk Hogan's theme. Listeners, give those a listen if you want, or wait until next time, up to you. As always, keep your general Meat Loaf thoughts and anecdotes flying in. Did you catch Meat Loaf being confused by an Ai Weiwei exhibit at the Tate Modern? Write

Emma:

and let us know, Chat out of hell at gmail. com. Sorry, that was really Yeah, I do like that one? You know what, we'll do that one

Sam:

this time. Okay, cool.

Emma:

Emma, Sam!

Sam:

should we plug some other shit that we do?

Emma:

do? We probably should.

Sam:

Yeah we are performing at the Nottingham Comedy festival. exciting. It is very exciting.

Emma:

you looking up the date? Yes, I am. Yeah, when we're not doing this, we do other things.

Sam:

We perform under the moniker of Crossland and Wilkinson, we have a show called Mean Business coming to the Nottingham Comedy Festival on the 10th of November, 6. 30pm at the Navigation Inn. Emma, why don't you tell our listeners about our show?

Emma:

It's been described as a capitalist fever dream, hasn't it? It has. We would like to welcome you to Crossland and Wilkinson, which is the funniest mega corporation on the footsie 100. and, Our agenda for this meeting in Nottingham will include hypnosis, secret codes, puppets, monkeys, murder, you know, all the usual things that you'd need covering on your first day in a new job. There is a possibility of moustaches. It's a one hour comedy show taking the form of an induction session at a huge and Definitely not evil and weird mega corporation. And it is fantastic. Even if I do say so myself.

Sam:

Yes you do. And so do i!

Emma:

Is

Sam:

very good fun. Audiences have enjoyed it as we've been running it out and testing it so far, So if you wanted to come see us in Nottingham, that would be

Emma:

We'd love to see you

Sam:

you also run a fantastic monthly comedy night in Leeds.

Emma:

I do! Here in Leeds, I run Big Duck Energy on the third Wednesday of every month at the Bridge End Social. You can find us on the Facebooks if you look for Big Duck Energy Comedy, and we are a female and non binary specific comedy night. Everyone is welcome in our audience. We have incredible lineups. We have a tat raffle, which is becoming famous. Now we raise money for charity. We do loads of lovely things, but most important, we are fucking hilarious.

Sam:

Oh, it is a really good night. I've enjoyed it every time I've gone. And you can tell it's a good night because even though I'm not eligible to be booked, I'm

Emma:

saying it's good. And that comes from one of the men. I am One

Sam:

I am One of the men

Emma:

the mens. of! us. So yeah, come to it. It's amazing. We have so much fun. And it's a really warm, friendly, welcoming night.

Sam:

night. Marvellous! Any other business?

Emma:

I don't think so. Oh, you

Sam:

cool! Alright thank you all very much for listening to Series 2 of Chat Out of

Emma:

Hell.

Sam:

And we'll see you all again in two weeks time. Bye!