Chat out of Hell

Episode 2.3 - Everything Louder than Everything Else | Dance in My Pants

• Emma Crossland & Sam Wilkinson • Season 2 • Episode 3

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Physical impossibilities, inexplicable bagpipes and Jim Steinman trying to be sexy? Sorry. Two out of three ain't bad.

But we're not here for that! We're here for the big questions like:

Can we have some free A1 Sauce?

What's the plot of the Adam Sandler Film That's My Boy?

Seriously, can we have some free A1 Sauce?

The answers to some, all or none of those are contained within, teeing us up very nicely to go listen to Rock & Roll Mercenaries and Heaven Can Wait next time. Ooof. That's going to be a climb.

Keep your comments, reviews and arguments flying in to chatoutofhell@gmail.com, find us on Facebook or Instagram by searching Chat out of Hell and don't forget to use the hashtag #dearA1saucepleasesendsomeofyourA1saucetosamfromthereallygoodpodcastchatoutofhell

Chat out of Hell is a is a review podcast: all music extracts are used for review/illustrative purposes. To hear the songs in full please buy them from your local record shop or streaming platform. Don't do a piracy.

Music extracts on this episode:
Everything Louder than Everything Else by Meat Loaf from the album Bat out of Hell 2: Back into Hell (1993)
Dance in My Pants by Jim Steinman from the album Bad for Good (1981)

Send us a text

Emma:

Hey Sam, what is this?

Sam:

Hi Emma, this is Chat Out Of Hell, the UK's most downloaded fortnightly podcast about the works of Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman. But who is Meat Loaf?

Emma:

Oh, Meat Loaf was a singer and occasional songwriter who somehow managed to sustain 18 concussions throughout his life. Who's Jim Steinman?

Sam:

Jim Steinman was a songwriter and perpetual liar whose high school essay, The Three Greatest American Inventions, was printed in the US Congressional Record. Who are we?

Emma:

we are Crossland Wilkinson, a comedy Double Act with a show coming up at the Nottingham Comedy Festival on Sunday, the 10th of November at 6:30 PM It's called Mean Business and it's a look into the strange world of our evil mega corporation. It's at the Navigation Inn on Wilford Street in Nottingham, and you can find out more about it on the Nottingham Comedy Festival website.

Sam:

That's better than advert for mattresses, isn't it?

Emma:

Loads better.

Sam:

Welcome to Chat Out of Hell! So here's a message that landed in our inbox this week.

Emma:

hmm.

Sam:

this is from Claire Muncaster.

Emma:

Hi Claire.

Sam:

Hi Claire. it says, Sam and Emma, I have a chosen family of Meat Loaf fans and I'm so happy you covered my beloved Where the Rubber Meets the Road on Chat Out of Hell. I, I'm glad you're happy Claire, we, we didn't like the song but I'm glad you can see past that and still email those. Thank you so much

Emma:

for that. Thanks, Claire.

Sam:

Dad played Meat Loaf stuff in the car as well as Tom Waits and I would always do my physio to it in my purple corrective shoes. I'm seeing Celebrating Meat Loaf next month with his original band plus Caleb Johnson. It won't be the same, but it'll be as close as I'll ever get, sadly.

Emma:

Oh, I've been meaning to talk to you about Caleb Johnson.

Sam:

Yeah, shall we talk now?

Emma:

We can do. have you heard of Caleb Johnson,

Sam:

Sam?, yeah, I believe he's doing the vocals on Celebrating Meat Loaf,

Emma:

he does a lot with Meat Loaf's band

Sam:

so that's the Neverland express.

Emma:

Yeah. He's got stuff up on iTunes. I've had a listen. It's quite good.

Sam:

Okay, so should we factor that into the Loafverse

Emma:

I think we should factor Caleb into the Loafverse, and we should perhaps look at his oeuvre one

Sam:

Okay, we can do that. Celebrating Meat Loaf, I wasn't aware of

Emma:

it No, neither was i.

Sam:

Neverland Express and Caleb are touring the UK at the minute thank you Claire for alerting us to that thing, thanks so much for listening, and seeing past our disdain for your favourite Meat Loaf song, I hope you agree with us on some other stuff. Or, you enjoy disagreeing

Emma:

Are we that podcast that Claire

Sam:

at? It's all clicks,

Emma:

It is all clicks.

Sam:

So that's one email. That was in our inbox. And then, I've got something else to read to you that actually was in our

Emma:

in our outbox.

Sam:

Yeah. This was sent from our email, chatoutofhellatgmail. com Dear A1

Emma:

God!

Sam:

My name is Sam Wilkinson, and with my colleague Emma Crossland, I host Chat Out of Hell, Britain's most downloaded fortnightly podcast about the works of songwriter Jim Steinman Steidman, and his musical collaborator and best bud, Meat Loaf. I guess you could say that Jim Steinman was the A1 sauce to Meat Loaf's meat loaf. Why give it a listen? It's remarkably accessible and fun, even if you're not a Meat Loaf fan. Though we know you are, of course. If you've not heard of us, Emma and I are a pretty big deal in the UK stand up comedy scene. Open brackets. Please don't Google us to confirm that. Close brackets. Open brackets, I know you're a sauce that respects a bit of hustle, and even if you did Google us, you'd never reveal what you saw. Close brackets. Open bracket. look, if you do Google us, that first result from Hot Water Comedy Club isn't really representative of my style these days. While competent from a technical standpoint, it's a bit ruder than the sort of thing I go for now. I know you're a family sauce, and you can't be associated with that kind of rum behaviour. Close brackets. You're probably thinking, get to the point, man! I'm a busy sauce! Yeah, fair enough, I do tend to witter on. Well, you're a sauce with a long memory, so you'll recall that in 2009, you teamed up with Meat Loaf for a contest called Sing for Your Beef, in which people were invited to submit music videos they'd made in praise of your product. We discussed the ad you made with Meat Loaf on our recent episode on I'd Do Anything for Love But I Won't Do That. I've worked out from your YouTube channel that the winners were Waxandherbert with"A1 You Make My Beef Sing", and Sean Long with"Batman Loves A1 Steak Sauce". And that the prize was"a whole year of glorious meat". Sadly, singforyourbeef. com is now defunct, so I can't get any more detail. What was the deal, A1? How was this year of glorious meat delivered, and what size freezer did they need? Oh, or did you mean it was just a year of A1? How much A1 is that? You can't get A1 over here, so I've had difficulty explaining to Emma the flavour of A1 sauce. I ate it once in a diner in Worcester, Massachusetts, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I mean, if a famous sauce did just happen to land on my doorstep one day, I'd make sure it was used in some kind of taste test against our local sauces on a podcast that's supposed to be about music, but often isn't. Just saying! Oh gosh, is that my postal address at the bottom of this message? Cripes. Yeah, I agree it's a long shot. If you don't want to send us international sauce, please just describe the flavour of A1, ideally with reference to British brown sauce. That would be great, and we'll give you a cheeky shoutout on our next episode. I'm sure you've got some products in the UK our listeners can buy. Thanks a bunch, Sam Wilkinson. And then there's my address. P. S. My friend Kerry once gently chided me for emailing Robinson Squash customer services with an equally stupid message. She had a point. You guys have a hard enough job to do without this nonsense. I hope this serves as a silly light point in your day and not just another load of rubbish you have to deal with. If it's the former, feel free to just fob me off. It's fine. I hope you have a great day, and I promise to give the top rating on your feedback mechanism and sing the praises of whoever responds to this no matter what happens. Deal? So there you go. That was, a message that somehow got sent from our

Emma:

Gosh, I wonder how that got sent.

Sam:

Dunno, Emma, dunno.

Emma:

Have a few thoughts. Yeah? main thought that I've had is, that is an excellent piece of procrastination activity there. Is there something that you should have been cleaning or?

Sam:

Actually, it was when I was waiting for the bus there were some scary men discussing their prison sentences, so I took my phone out. I've just got on with some work. I figured, I'd use this to launch our socials, because our social media presences need some work. yes. yes. I'm going to get our Instagram on the move put this on our., facebook. Yes. page as well. So there's a hashtag for this. If people want to use the hashtag, hashtag Dear A one sauce, please send some of your A one sauce to Sam from the really good podcast chat out of hell. sorry.

Emma:

Sorry! Ow!

Sam:

That would really help the, uh, that would help the whole process.

Emma:

I didn't think I knew anybody that was, worse at social media than amazing, like, gold star, that's so

Sam:

Please do tweet about the podcast with the hashtag Dear A1Sauce, please send some of your A1Sauce

Emma:

Are people still

Sam:

Good. I'm still tweeting? Oh, I don't mean tweets, sorry, that can get fucked. if you tweet about us, with the hashtag Dear A1 sauce, please send some of your A1 sauce to Sam from the really good podcast, Chat out of Hell. I hate you. But if you do Instagram or Blue Sky or Facebook or whatever with the hashtag Dear please send some of your A1 sauce to Sam from the really good podcast Chat out of Hell. That would be lovely. It gets the message across, doesn't it?

Emma:

It probably does

Sam:

Should we do the podcast? So we're not actually a podcast about emailing sauce companies in the hope of free sauce every episode on this show, we each bring a Meat Loaf or Jim Steinman song to the table for us to listen to, discuss, tear apart, make stupid jokes about, Have a good time and then go home again, right? and then at the end we'll rate it on our patented Meat Loaf or Jim Steinman rating scales. Emma, what have you brought to listen to I have brought another one of my favourites from, Bat Out of Hell 2. I've brought the gloriously stupid Everything Louder Than Everything Else. A paradox and a song. And I've brought a song from Jim Steinman's solo album Bad For Good, Dance In My

Emma:

which is an amazing

Sam:

title. It is an amazing title for a fucking stupid song. So listen, I think you're genuinely going to have a good time listening to both of these songs because they are utterly ridiculous. Go away, find them on YouTube, on Spotify, find them on a tape, wherever you get your music from. start with everything louder than everything else, we're going to listen to it right now and we'll see you in just a few minutes.

Laptop:

I like the music like I like the music Everything louder than, everything else, everything louder than, everything else, nothing louder than, everything else, louder

Sam:

we've just listened to Everything Louder Than Everything Else. And so have you. Emma, tell us about that.

Emma:

Everything Louder Than Everything Else, released in 1993, is one of the album tracks on Bat Out of Hell 2, one of the few totally original songs for this album. Okay. so it wasn't recycled from anything else that Jim Steinman had previously done. As far as I know,

Sam:

can we, just quickly cut to the chase? Did anybody say anything about why those bagpipes are there?

Emma:

I haven't found anything. I'm trying to find out who did it.

Sam:

Because, if you gave up or didn't listen to all of that song A. I hate you but also B. The song finishes and then we get 20 seconds of bagpipe music at the end.

Emma:

is just

Sam:

Madness! It's a classic Jim Steinman fadeout on the main song and then it fades up on some bagpipers. So the effect is, Meat Loaf overran his studio time and the Scottish Highland Band have to come in and record their album

Emma:

album

Sam:

And they forgot to stop the tape.

Emma:

I am currently just trying to, find out who did the bagpipes and if it was real Pipes or not. Did you play Bagpipes for Meat Loaf? Get in

Sam:

touch! Yeah, chatoutofhell at gmail. com. Maybe you work for A1 sauce now.

Emma:

Alright, so Ha ha ha ha ha. Alright, so

Sam:

the mystery of the bagpipes, we'll return to the mystery of the

Emma:

bagpipes It could be another one of the Sam Wilkinson

Sam:

No, get your own mysteries, this is a Crossland mystery. Don't put your lack of homework onto me! It

Emma:

me. It really tells this week. I did find some stuff out though. Yeah, tell us. this particular song was used on the soundtrack to the Adam Sandler movie, That's My Boy. A film so good that it was nominated for seven Razzies and it won two of them. Adam Sandler for Worst Actor and also for Worst Screenplay.

Sam:

That's amazing. What year did That's My Boy come out? And what's the plot of That's My Boy, Emma? fuck's sake. Oh, fine. We'll move

Emma:

No, No, no, I did look into it and the plot just sounded terrible. if I say Donnie is an alcoholic and broke slacker who owes 43, 000 to the Internal Revenue Service in back taxes. Does that make you want to watch it?

Sam:

scene in which this song features is gonna be Adam Sandler in his apartment ignoring the letter from the IRS and doing something man child ish like turning a vase into a bong, or throwing empty beer cans on the floor.

Emma:

And just reading another sentence about it. However, Donnie feels guilty for withholding the truth and interrupts the wedding just in time to reveal his biological connection to Todd and demands Jamie to reveal her infidelity and incest.

Sam:

Right!

Emma:

the words that I wrote at the bottom of this was, I have decided not to watch this film. Ha ha I know we've not been dead picky for Film Club, but I think this is one we can give it a

Sam:

Yeah, fair enough. But if you have seen the Adam Sandler film That's My Boy, please do email us in and let us know your opinions. chat out of hell at gmail. com.

Emma:

in 1991, so before this album was released, Motorhead released a live video called Everything Louder Than Everything Else. and in 1999, they released an album called Everything Louder Than Everyone Else.

Sam:

Those cheeky scamps! Cheeky

Emma:

I reckon I know why.

Sam:

Hit me.

Emma:

I did do some homework. it refers to a remark that was made by Ian Gillen of Deep Purple. from the group's Made in Japan live album, where at some point, he says Could we have everything louder than everything else?

Sam:

No, no, Ian, you can't.

Emma:

Because that's not possible.

Sam:

You've taken too many rock and roll drugs.

Emma:

Can we have some rock and roll drugs?

Sam:

you want some rock and roll drugs?

Emma:

I need something to pep me up a bit

Sam:

all right, fair enough. if you have rock and roll drugs and you want to send them to Emma, just drop us an email chatoutofhell. com I'm bothered that two loud institutions off the back of that third loud rocking institution of Deep Purple have all missed the physical impossibility of this request.

Emma:

But it does smack of rock And roll indulgence,

Sam:

It does, yes. I can get behind that. It's a loud, silly song about being loud and stupid, and that's good.

Emma:

And speaking of which, I think we should actually delve into the lyrics, Because they

Sam:

are very

Emma:

stupid.

Sam:

the opening line, I know that I will never be politically correct, and I don't give a damn about my lack of etiquette. I

Emma:

something that became more and more evident as time went on with Meat Loaf and indeed Jim

Sam:

who am I? Why am I here? Forget the questions, someone give me another beer! Give me another beer is the sort of thing that kids who aren't old enough to drink beer think that adults say to each other. You cannot help but hear it in the voice of Gog, the guy in Peep Show that Jeremy used to bully in school now owns a software company.

Emma:

a

Sam:

beer?

Emma:

what's the meaning of life? What's the meaning of it all? You've got to learn to dance before you learn to crawl. do you think it is the answer to the meaning of life? Dancing?

Sam:

crawling. Before crawling. And if you don't succeed in hitting it in that order, you've fucked it. From the very off.

Emma:

In which case, I probably fucked

Sam:

it. Yeah, I imagine most babies have fucked it.

Emma:

Good, good. So sign up all you raw recruits. This is very, the whole song is very much a call to arms,

Sam:

Yeah, Yeah, join my army of cool young people, stop getting a job and come do a party.

Emma:

takes you back to streets of fire.

Sam:

Yeah, it does take us back, but I think we have to loop back to, this was a song written for the album, Meat Loaf is 43.

Emma:

Yes.

Sam:

Stop telling young people to not get jobs and come party with you because it's creepy, old man.

Emma:

Throw away those designer suits. They're expensive, give them to a charity You got your weapons cocked, your targets in your sights. Does he mean penises? I think I've always thought that. I think

Sam:

shit.

Emma:

think we're back to

Sam:

Okay.

Emma:

again. Yeah, back to sex people. Back to

Sam:

to sex people. Back

Emma:

a party raging somewhere in the world, and you've got to take your penis to the Because you've got to serve your country and you've got to service your girl.

Sam:

Now is that two separate things, or is servicing your girl part of your national service

Emma:

in whatever country exists in Steinman and Meat Loaf's head, I think it is part of your duty to service your girl. Yeah.

Sam:

Okay, all check your girl's manual. Most girls have a service interval of 10, 000 miles or every year depending on what comes first.

Emma:

I made the same joke in my notes.

Sam:

That's Crossland and Wilkinson, Mean Business, at the Nottingham Comedy Festival.

Emma:

Make sure that you check her brakes regularly as well. Okay. Okay. Cool. But stay away from that exhaust pipe!

Sam:

That's why A1 sauce can't see any videos of your material.

Emma:

I was pleased with that.

Sam:

right,

Emma:

and of course they are all enlisted in the armies of the night. Sorry, what were you going to say? I gonna say keep your girl oiled but We're better than that?

Sam:

Are we

Emma:

no no we're not. you're only listed in the armies of the night, which just makes me think of, blokes going and playing at TA stuff.

Sam:

Oh, I'm glad you like that. Army Reserves! Yes, do you know what, I've never seen past the obvious vampire allegory, but you're right. It's part time

Emma:

Yep, part time army. TA, they're Out on manoeuvres, playing with torches. That's the army of the

Sam:

in Spaced.

Emma:

Spaced. Like Mike, exactly like Mike in Spaced.

Sam:

Big roly poly men with moustaches

Emma:

Yep.

Sam:

and corrective lenses.

Emma:

next we get a list of things that Meat Loaf isn't in it for. Yeah. So it's power, health, glory of anything at all, wealth.

Sam:

To be fair, he didn't get any of those up until this No, no enough. but he is in it till it's over,

Emma:

and he

Sam:

just can't stop. that's because he's in it till it's over.

Emma:

till it's over. Yes, stating the obvious really, isn't it? Yeah. and if you want to get it done, you've got to do it yourself, which, as

Sam:

this back to servicing girls?

Emma:

and I like my music like I like my life, everything louder than everything else, which gives me a headache just thinking about it.

Sam:

Steinman likes his music like he likes his life, long.

Emma:

Aww. Long but quite repetitive.

Sam:

Long confusing, Sometimes make people angry.

Emma:

and then we say everything louder than everything else quite a lot of times before we start chanting wasted youth again.

Sam:

And again, Meat Loaf is 43. His youth was wasted a long time ago. Now he's just shouting at kids going out getting jobs.

Emma:

if you want my views of history, there's something you should know. The three men I admire most are Curly, Larry and Moe. So that's the Three stooges,

Sam:

that is a classic teenage boy I'm so edgy line, isn't Yeah. man. Fucking old men ruining the world. The only person who's done anything good was a clown,

Emma:

Yeah, man. Don't worry about the future. Sooner or later, it's the past.

Sam:

This is real sixth form common room stuff, isn't it?

Emma:

also, it's true,

Sam:

Yeah? Because

Emma:

the linear march of time. If they say the thrill is gone, then it's time to take it back. Take what? What? we're back to raw recruits, and this time it's 2 bit suits instead of designer suits.

Sam:

so what's happened there is, well the future has become the past, and the people going out getting jobs in designer suits followed Meat Loaf's advice.

Emma:

Got rid of them.

Sam:

Still realised they needed a suit for work so they got a two bit suit. So Meat Loaf is starting a cult here, is going on. And his commandments are becoming ever more insane.

Emma:

But we're still back to cocking weapons and servicing

Sam:

Yeah, because cults end badly and dangerously with a raid by the FBI.

Emma:

also, weirdly Cult leaders seem to attract a lot of women to be

Sam:

to be serviced. serviced. Yeah. That's all true.

Emma:

I think I've just had my feminist card taken off me.

Sam:

You didn't say it was a good thing.

Emma:

True,

Sam:

She did imply it though, listeners. In the edit that I just did.

Emma:

did. Thank you. And then it's just more repetition to the end I think everything louder than everything else is chanted 24 times at the

Sam:

Okay. until the in. and then the bagpipes come in. So are the bagpipes, the fBI? Is that what this is? This is the tale of Meat Loaf's mountain Top Cult.

Emma:

Well isn't that one of the techniques that, agencies have used in the past?

Sam:

blasting, blasting, awful

Emma:

Blasting awful music. off the situation. Yeah. Yeah. I've read, The men who stare at goats as well.

Sam:

Oh yeah, that's where that came from If you are a bagpipe player, we do apologise. I quite like a bit of bagpipes now and then. I mean, I wouldn't actively go out and choose to listen to it, but but if you're on the Royal Mile, it's lovely, isn't innit?

Emma:

Oh yeah, that's nice It's about context isn't it? it

Sam:

Or at the front of a Scottish regiment marching into a Napoleonic war. can see that works perfectly. I'm on board.

Emma:

Q magazine, has declared Everything Louder Than Everything Else to be one of the songs that made the rest of Rock cower.

Sam:

The fuck? Q Magazine?

Emma:

Are

Sam:

Are Q Magazine still going? idiots. Was that David Quantic again? One of the songs that made rock and roll cower? Was that the

Emma:

one of the songs that made the rest of rock cower.

Sam:

Maybe back in

Emma:

back in 1993 it did. And then Rock pulled its socks up and cracked on. and then New Metal was born And, we all got sad.

Sam:

Oh, oh that is a, believable timeline. Yeah. Yeah. They threw away their designer suits. New Metal instead.

Emma:

the 90s. The 90s. I have another, review, which I found on, a website called past prime website by a guy called Steve Collins. and he says Everything Louder Than Everything Else is an ecstatic tribute to giving everything you've got. Meat Loaf has collapsed multiple times on the stage doing just that. He has all of Springsteen's passion without the personal trainer. Everything Louder could be a mission statement for the past prime artist.

Sam:

Okay, right, I'll accept the thesis. Mission statement from Meat Loaf, fine, he likes things loud. Springsteen without the personal trainer. He could have had a personal trainer he'd wanted. Don't make out that this is some, personal attribute that Springsteen had love meat Loaf was never able to acheive

Emma:

Would you like to hear what the people of the internet think of this song?

Sam:

would love to hear the people of the internet's thoughts.

Emma:

Vane Eldritch said, This is the song that made the rest of rock and roll afraid.

Sam:

Does Fane Eldritch write for q Magazine? I

Emma:

that! FalzerBeast90 said, Fucking rock the fuck on, woo!

Sam:

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Emma:

Which is about the intelligence level I think this song deserves. LionessWhispers said, What can I say? It's the basic catchphrase of rock in every generation. Live fast and hard, die young, leave a beautiful corpse.

Sam:

He did one of those three things.

Emma:

finally, LivingHell, said, I fucking love this song and the old fat man singing it.

Sam:

ha ha ha!

Emma:

know what,

Sam:

what, I completely agree.

Emma:

Yep. I fucking

Sam:

love this song and the old fat man singing What a great way to end. So, shall we rate this song? Yes. Are you ready? Cool, so as always Emma, we rate this on our patented trademarked Jim Steinman song rating scale which runs from Jim Steinman at the top to Jim Fineman in the middle and Jim Declineman for those bad songs that he wrote. But what is this?

Emma:

despite the fact that we've just spent however long pulling it to pieces and slagging it off, for

Sam:

off,

Emma:

this is always going to be a Jim

Sam:

I'm always going to enjoy listening to this shouting along in the car,

Emma:

so

Sam:

I agree. This is always going to be a Jim Steinman!

Emma:

Woo! I thought I'd joined in. Ooh. I thought I'd joined in this time. good. Yeah.

Sam:

Right. I might sample that woo and put it in at some other time. LAUGHS Good!

Emma:

So, Sam, what have you brought?

Sam:

I brought Dance In My Pants, which is a song from Jim steinman's solo album.

Emma:

It sounds like quite an uncomfortable condition as well.

Sam:

You wait till you see the video, mate. listeners, if you have any chance of watching the music video for this, out of all the music videos we're ever going to discuss, I think this is the one that deserves it the most. It is utterly ludicrous, so do find it on YouTube if you can. If not, put it on on Spotify. We'll see you in a bit. Um, quite a lot of minutes.

Laptop:

Time I see the glory of a good looking face, well, I just gotta say, Hey now, don't you worry, that thing will be fine! We

Emma:

So. Many.

Sam:

Ha

Emma:

Fucking

Sam:

I'll I'll just give you a moment to absorb that 1981 on the Bad For Good album. Jim Steinman's solo album. it's a duet with Karla DeVito. who You may remember from appearing in the video for Paradise by the Dashboard lights.

Emma:

Karla DeVito does quite a lot of work with Steinman and Meat Loaf

Sam:

She does, yeah, she does some stuff later on. She appears on the final album

Emma:

as well.

Sam:

She does a duet there. Karla also did a couple of solo albums. her biggest hit seems to be a bouncy 80s pop number called Cool World, which is irritatingly catchy despite being rubbish. This song's quite a hefty one, as you'll have just noticed. It checks in at 7 minutes 58. that's 2 minutes 55 seconds longer than scatman's Gibba bop ba dibba bop by Scatman John. Is that this time, or? Yes it, well, wait and see, There might be another one. on the length of Jim's songs, I do have a quote here. Okay."When people say my songs are too long, I tell them I spent my life listening to six hour German operas, for Christ's sakes. I mean, six minutes to me is just an idea, right? It's nothing. no time at all to get across what you're really trying to do. Ha, ha, ha.

Emma:

That sums it up beautifully! Wow!

Sam:

The theme of the song. Is that the lady wants to dance and the man doesn't want to dance. He just wants to love Hey, listen now it's coming so close. I'll let the rhythm surround me. I'm getting itchy and I'm ready to move I'm mighty glad that you found me

Emma:

Oh!

Sam:

There's a drummer going at it way down in the core of my soul There's no escaping the music and I'm psyching up my feet and they're telling me we're ready to roll

Emma:

I she's ready to dance but also she does sound quite horny.

Sam:

This is quite a confused analogy, because yes, dancing is clearly a metaphor for doing it. Yeah.

Emma:

But

Sam:

also the male character when he comes in. His line is, I'm a lover not a dancer, I'm a lover not a dancer, don't want to be on my feet when I can be on my back, don't want to be on the floor when I can be in the

Emma:

So

Sam:

So they're both horny,

Emma:

But

Sam:

but operating on different analogy levels.

Emma:

They don't quite. Yeah.

Sam:

I don't care what you say, ain't nothing gonna get me out on that floor. Oh baby, you know, there may be some moves that you haven't even seen yet. No way Jose. And I think more rock songs should feature the

Emma:

No way,

Sam:

Jose! The second act concludes with her saying, I've got a new step for you. I've made it up all by myself. I bet you've never even tried this before. And then we're treated to Jim Steinman saying, oh,

Emma:

geez!

Sam:

three or four times. Which

Emma:

Which is, I think, one of the least erotic

Sam:

things I've ever heard. Oh, jeez. Oh, jeez. so we get bit of that and then the final act is the two of them. dancing She says now that you know how it's done It's only a matter of practice and he says well, I could sure use some of that practice And then the lyric is grow grow grow grow

Emma:

Grow

Sam:

grow grow grow.

Emma:

grow.

Sam:

I've got dance in my pants

Emma:

Oh!

Sam:

of dance that is, Emma. We do.

Emma:

Dirty Jim. Dirty boy.

Sam:

I don't know how often Jim Steinman got laid, Emma.

Emma:

Well, there's very little about his love life, yeah.

Sam:

Yeah. certainly seems quite frustrated at times.

Emma:

I feel like he probably needed to get laid a little bit more. perhaps if he stopped writing such fucking weird songs. LAUGHTER SIGHS

Sam:

ha, in academic terms, it's a classic

Emma:

we getting our, Steinman phD?

Sam:

thematically it's a classic steinman. yes. It's a multi act structure. It's about eternal teenagers wanting to do it, and then doing it. I want to talk a bit more about why Jim sang this record. We've previously discussed that, after the Bat Out of Hell tour, Meat Loaf's voice was all fucked up and that. Yeah. And he couldn't sing, so Jim Steinman stepped in to sing it himself. In Jim's own words. Meat Loaf had a mental block on the new songs. I was trying to get them to rest his voice, this great instrument, which they were making do a show a night, like a bar band singer. What happened was he abused his voice on the road. Technically he has a lot more in common with an opera singer. Enormous lung power. And people with voices like that usually don't sing extended tours. That's fair enough. the end his voice was pretty much shot. It was partly a physical problem but it became psychological because it freaked him out that his voice wasn't there."I think the voice is a pretty mysterious thing anyway. We started in Woodstock doing this album, which started out to be his, and he tried singing some of the tracks right there at the piano, and the sounds that were coming out were really inhuman. At at the time, I described it as sounding like in The exorcist.

Emma:

God.

Sam:

Jim as, delicate as ever with his friends.

Emma:

He's a sensitive soul.

Sam:

"Springsteen's manager, suggested this guy in California who'd worked with Jackson Brown and Bonnie Raitt. He's not a doctor of any kind, he's sort of like a witch doctor. This guy's treatment is, he injects you with your own urine and then beats the shit out of you. He had Black Decker power tools, huge saws, axes, he puts rubber pads on your body and pounds for like three hours and you scream. I can't imagine Jackson Brown going through this. He never wants to hear any singing. He just wants you to yell while you're being beaten up."This went on for like three months and the difference is amazing. God knows why it works, but his voice has improved a thousand percent because of it"

Emma:

so you know how I'm, underemployed at the moment. Do you think I could set up as a quack like that?

Sam:

Well, Oasis have just reformed, as we record. Yeah, they're going to need some vocal coaching. They are going to need some vocal coaching. And I think you would love to hit Noel and Liam Gallagher around the face for three hours.

Emma:

I have got a lovely mallet in the garage.

Sam:

garage. There we. go. So any singers out there who have bad voices My rates Yeah, do drop Emma a line. chatoutofhell@gmail com

Emma:

I I think we have to talk about the video. As I was watching it just now, particularly the beginning part of the video, all I could think was, has Jim been at the David Lynch? the opening scene, before the song starts, Jim himself walks into a weird carnival type

Sam:

It's, a sort of carnival slash peep show.

Emma:

it's an arcade, isn't it

Sam:

I think this is supposed to be Times Square in the early 80s when it was a horrible, dingy place. there's a guy on a megaphone saying, come see Little Bo Peep, the sexiest peep show dancer in town,

Emma:

etc. That's creepy as anything. And so he wanders through people playing pinball. And finally approaches, a terrifying woman.

Sam:

Yeah.

Emma:

She's really scary.

Sam:

That terrifying woman was acclaimed New York cabaret singer Baby Jane Dexter As cabaret singers go, she's really good. She's got quite a set of lungs on her. She had a fascinating career. In 1981, she quit singing for a short break, which turned into a 10 year

Emma:

1981

Sam:

1981 was when she filmed this video. Just saying. Just saying.

Emma:

Unrelated! he pays her money to go into the peep show. where he then has to put more money

Sam:

more YEah

Emma:

What a swizz. Laughter

Sam:

ha ha ha ha!

Emma:

That's all I could think. And then the screen comes down And he watches a woman prance around pretending to be Little Bo Peep with a plastic sheep. For a bit. Yeah. And

Sam:

She

Emma:

sings the song. And then there's a transition for some reason.

Sam:

We go through a series of transitions. Yeah. She goes for about eight costume changes. Gosh. and it becomes a kind of nightclub for a bit.

Emma:

bit. Yeah, because to start with, there's a whole bunch of different guys peeping through windows, perving on Little Bo Peep and her lost sheep. but then suddenly Jim is in the

Sam:

Yeah, Jim's in the action, he's in a disco. The best bit happens. On the, I'm a lover not a dancer, I'm a lover not a dancer line,

Emma:

we

Sam:

have a shot of Jim. At a bar, having drinks shoved down, slid down the bar towards

Emma:

sort of, yeah,

Sam:

film But every time a drink comes down towards him, he picks it up and then looks scared and drops it. So them Yeah! He Yes! Why not just let past? He like, he absentmindedly catches them as well and sees what's in his hand and then drops it.

Emma:

It's so weird.

Sam:

and there's a cartoon sound effect that's like, Bwaaaap!

Emma:

Every time

Sam:

the It's amazing.

Emma:

I don't understand any of that. I don't I studied film and television university and we talked about all kinds of really wanky things like mise en scene and all of that kind of an ultra deep analysis of the set of a film and stuff. in the, few minutes that we've been talking, I've attempted to apply that to that scene, all that knowledge, and I still got nothing. What the fuck does that mean?

Sam:

It's the first part of the hero's journey, it's what's it called? Denying? Turning down the call. call. Yeah. Turn it

Emma:

down before you can accept it. Exactly, yeah. For the hero's

Sam:

yeah,

Emma:

so Throwing the drinks away is turning down. hero's journey. Well, if he drinks the drinks, he might lose his inhibitions and then start to dance, and he's determined not to dance.

Sam:

Of course!

Emma:

Oh,

Sam:

Thank you, Emma.

Emma:

she entices him with the ideas of her new move

Sam:

and her new move is spinning round and round round really fast. The sexiest move. anybody listening is single and is out at a disco or

Emma:

or

Sam:

a nightclub, wants to seduce somebody,

Emma:

spinning around

Sam:

and round and round in front of them.

Emma:

Really fast

Sam:

that's the Jim Steinman guarantee.

Emma:

absolutely won't throw up everywhere.

Sam:

I found Jim's, four page treatment for this video, you Remember the,, scary lady at the beginning The description of the lady. She leers and then laughs uproariously, the laugh building and building like a huge pressurised outpouring of steam. She's like an hysterical This huge laugh reaches an absurd peak and then suddenly, instantly stops. She stares at Jim, tough, defiant, demanding. Well, what's so funny? She barks, and then retreats into the primoidal ooze from which she came.

Emma:

that's Jim's notes. I can imagine the actual shooting script. It just says, laugh.

Sam:

Yeah. Karla DeVito's costume changes."In this song, Karla is really the ultimate diva, a star of such magnitude that every minute or so she's in a new costume, a totally new look. Dietrich, Monroe, Clara Bow, Lana Turner, Joan Crawford, Janis Joplin, Diana Ross, Carmen Miranda, Pat Benatar, Anne Margaret, Mae West, Harlow, even Kali, the Indian goddess with about eight arms constantly moving."Maybe even the Statue of Liberty, which really should resemble Anne Miller." I counted 20 different costumes there. video itself cuts that down to about eight.

Emma:

which is still a lot.

Sam:

me, yes. The dance hall scene, the whole scene should probably end up resembling a mixture of Saturday Night Fever, The milk bar where the Droogs in A Clockwork Orange hang out, the dance in the gym from West Side Story, and something out of a musical version of Star Wars with more than a dash of Mardi Gras." board. Yeah, but also, that scene absolutely ticks all those boxes. So, well done to whoever that director was. And I tried to find out, but nobody wants to take credit.

Emma:

name to it.

Sam:

the whirlwind. She becomes like a human tornado, a whirling dervish possessed and out of control. She whips around the room in a swirling cloud. We don't even see her, just the commotion this tornado is causing, as in a cartoon."When she whirls by, by tables and chairs, bottles and people go flying from the force of the wind she is creating. Jim stands huddled with a group over to one side, everybody clutching each other for protection against the wind. When Karla finally reaches them, the tornado finally comes to an abrupt halt, and she aims a precise and perfectly executed pelvic bump right at them."They go flying and or faint dead away".

Emma:

And again, on the shooting script, it just says, spins.

Sam:

round.

Emma:

Oh Jim! He's such a little weirdo!

Sam:

We get the final third of them dancing forever, dancing forever, dancing on the edge of a grave, and that takes the form of a kind of gospel church feel.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

And then, and I do love this, The song ends because Jim's quarter has finally run out of the peep show, and he puts in another quarter and it's the scary lady again!

Emma:

Which again is very David Lynch

Sam:

it's very david lynch. It's very bad business sense

Emma:

Oh, Terrible. can we talk about Jim's dancing? When, It's obvious that it's not him. They make it very, very, obvious. the way that he uses his gloves his hat hair face face. Of course, in a number of incredibly unsubtle ways. You know, when you get, Those charity calendars. I'm thinking calendar girls kind of thing. it's placed taste

Sam:

cake hiding the boobs or

Emma:

whatever. Yes. That kind of thing. It felt like bordering on

Sam:

that level You are quite right. Did you watch Eurovision this year? there was one act, I've forgotten his name, I think it was called Windows 95 man. He wore a Windows 95 t shirt, and nothing underneath. And the entire staging was, his bits being kind of blocked by a cameraman, or, a bottle on a table or something.

Emma:

How have I not heard about this yet? Oh my god!

Sam:

Yeah, but it was very That, that, tradition continues to this day.

Emma:

and I'm all for it.

Sam:

the song was fucking stupid as well. Okay. um,

Emma:

Eurovision happened while I was in Florida. having spent a fortune on the holiday, we thought we probably shouldn't spend too much time sitting around the hotel watching tV. Yeah, We did watch quite a lot of Traitors, though. The American Traitors. The American Traitors.

Sam:

yeah. It

Emma:

was still pretty

Sam:

watchable. Yeah. Was that the one with um Alan cumming. No, but, Yes, with alan

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

with

Emma:

I know who you're gonna say and I can't remember his name either.

Sam:

his name If you can remember the name of the man. We could look it up, but we want you

Emma:

to email us, so do

Sam:

his name to chatoutofhell@gmail.com

Emma:

Good.

Sam:

I think it's quiz

Emma:

I was anticipating quiz time.

Sam:

I've gone back to basics for this one.

Emma:

Good.

Sam:

Meat Loaf quotes, one of which is not a Meat Loaf quote. A, in the early 90s Meat Loaf said,"a psychic told me that Jim has written his best stuff already and he'll never write like that again." Is it B, on Jim's explanation about why Meat Loaf couldn't record the album that we just talked about? Yeah, I had a mental block, but not the kind of block you're talking about. My block was because Bad For Good was trying to be a copy of Bat Out Of Hell, Dance In My Pants was trying to be a copy of Paradise By The Dashboard Light, and Lost Boys And Golden Girls was trying to be a copy of Heaven Can Wait". Didn't like it, thought it was rubbish. Or was it C? He was quite Dismissive of Jim Steinman's singing voice, describing it as sounding like"I have to go to the bathroom". So which one of those was not a genuine Meat Loaf quote?

Emma:

Uh, I think number three.

Sam:

You are correct, that was not a Meat Loaf quote. That was a description of Jim Steinman's voice though, that was from the drummer Max Weinberg, who drummed on Bad For Good. Max Weinberg most widely known as the bandleader for Conan O'Brien on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. You know, when he has little bants with Max. that's Max Weinberg, the drummer. Jim Steinman described his own singing voice as, always liked singing more than writing, he confesses. the songs to Meat Loaf. He became my voice. I used to sing Doors and Stones Rockers in 1972. My voice is edgier and there's a different texture to it. Max Weinberg describes it as sounding like I have to go to the bathroom." So, he's very fair in describing the criticism. edgier and there's a different texture to it. I think Max is closer

Emma:

I think so.

Sam:

What do the people think, Emma?

Emma:

I like to know what the people think.

Sam:

Think. BruceLuber5178 Only Jim Steinman can take a three minute homage to Chuck Berry songs and make you spend seven minutes listening to it.

Emma:

That's exactly right, isn't it? is perfect.

Sam:

At, un, un, un, jim is felt whenever our pants, or whatever tingles and stirs down in that crevice, lets the sun shine in. Amen. Yeah, grim. 2.

Emma:

the Second

Sam:

Agamemnon. Disappointing sequel, I think. In a career marked by bombastic excesses and unforgettable hits, Dance In My Pants has the rare distinction of being Jim Steinman's worst song by a considerable margin. Agamemnon II, you blessed naive child.

Emma:

If only,

Sam:

seen nothing yet, pal. he knew we rate this song? Yes. So we are once again using our patented, trademarked Jim Steinman song rating song scale. Song scale, scale, song, song scale. So is this Jim Steinman, Jim Fineman, or Jim Declineman?

Emma:

For me it's a Jim Fineman. it's got a lot of classic Jim Steinman tropes to it. But Meat Loaf's right, it is just Paradise by the Dashboard

Sam:

You're right, and on the grounds that Paradise by the Dashboard Lights is a better version of Paradise by the Dashboard Lights, let's file this under Jim Fineman?

Emma:

Yeah,

Sam:

Jim Fineman! Thank you all for listening to Chat Out Of Hell. If you have enjoyed our commentary, if you'd like to add something, if you want to disagree vehemently with our ratings, do drop us an email, chatoutofhellatgmail. com. If you want to suggest some songs for us to discuss, please do do that. This one was always going to happen, but this happened because we got an email a couple of weeks ago for somebody requesting it. If you've got a Meat Loaf or a Steinman song that you want to inflict on us, drop us a line. did you play bagpipes on Everything Louder Than everything Else? Do let us know, chatoutofhellatgmail. com. Do you want to send Emma some rock'n'roll drugs? chatoutofhellatgmail. com. Have you seen the Adam Sandler film That's My Boy? And how shit was it? chatoutofhellatgmail. com. And what was the name of that bloke that we can't remember from the US Traitors? ChatOutOfHell at gmail. com. Don't forget to follow us on social media, search for ChatOutOfHell on Facebook and at ChatOutOfHell on Instagram. Use the hashtag, DearA1Sauce, please send some of your A1 sauce to Sam from the really good podcast ChatOutOfHell. Emma, what songs are we

Emma:

gonna bring next time?

Sam:

I

Emma:

just wanted to say I'm really glad that you're keeping a note of all of these calls. I thought I'd do a bit of an experiment next time, because despite being, reasonable Meat Loaf fan, I haven't heard everything, there are entire albums that I haven't heard. and one of the albums that I've never listened to is 1986's Blind Before I Stop.

Sam:

That's a wanking reference, right?

Emma:

I assume so. So I thought I'd pick one of the singles from Blind Before I Stop. I'm going to go with the first single that was released which is Rock and Roll Mercenaries.

Sam:

That sounds like it's either going to be incredible or shit.

Emma:

I can't wait to find out.

Sam:

I've actually also decided to go back to form. I've mucked about in the Jim Steinman doing other stuff pool for a few episodes. So I'm going to go back to my original quest which was working through the first album. We're going to do Heaven Can Wait. let us know what you think about those songs, chatoutofhell. gmail. com as always, keep your general Meat Loaf thoughts and anecdotes flying in. Did you see Meat Loaf at the Scarborough Rotunda Museum? And find him thinking that it's a very nice little regional museum, actually. There's a good fossil. and a man that they found in some bog up on the top floor, if I remember correctly. I spent a lot of time there as a child, so um, what we talking about? Did you see Meat loaf there If so, let us know. Chat out of hell at gmail. com And if

Emma:

if you happen to bump into Sam who got lost on memory

Sam:

lane there

Emma:

It's a

Sam:

a lovely lovely

Emma:

museum. Sounds like it

Sam:

Yeah. Thank you all so much. We'll see you all again in two more weeks time for another fantastic chat out of hell. Bye, everybody.

Emma:

Bye.

Sam:

Bye.

Emma:

we're waving.

Sam:

We're physically waving. Bow now now now.