Chat out of Hell

Episode 3.1 Wasted Youth | Nocturnal Pleasures | I've Been Dreaming up a Storm Lately | The Want Ad

• Emma Crossland & Sam Wilkinson • Season 3 • Episode 1

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Lonely hearts, sexy motorbikes and creeeeeeeepy mirrors! It's Chat out of Hell series 3!

We start this series with a tour of Jim Steinman's weirdest monologues and take on a quadrology of loquacious nonsense. On the way we get to ask the big questions like:

- Did Jim Steinman talk like that ALL the time?

- Can we ever hear the word "please" again without shuddering?

- What is wrong with men?

PLUS a quick chat about Boost bars, various desperate demands for free stuff from big food manufacturers and a horrifying hint about the Christmas yet to come.

Chat out of Hell returns on December 16th where smash straight into Peel Out and Total Eclipse of the Heart.

Keep your comments, reviews and arguments flying in to chatoutofhell@gmail.com, find us on Facebook or Instagram by searching Chat out of Hell and don't forget to use the hashtag #dearA1saucepleasesendsomeofyourA1saucetosamfromthereallygoodpodcastchatoutofhell or the much shorter one #pleasegiveemmaamichaelbaybudget

Chat out of Hell is a is a review podcast: all music extracts are used for review/illustrative purposes. To hear the songs in full please buy them from your local record shop or streaming platform. Don't do a piracy.

Music extracts on this episode:
Love and Death and an American Guitar by Jim Steinman from the album Bad For Good (1981)
Nocturnal Pleasure from the album Nocturnal Pleasure by Meat Loaf (1981)
I've Been Dreaming up a Storm Lately from the album Original Sin by Pandora's Box (1989)
The Want Ad from the album Original Sin by Pandora's Box (1989)

Send us a text

Sam:

What is

Emma:

This is the third series of Chat Out of Hell, still the only podcast stupid enough to want to discuss the collective works of Meat Loaf and Jim Steinman in punishing detail.

Sam:

Who is Meat Loaf?

Emma:

Meat Loaf was the lead singer of the band Popcorn Blizzard in the early 70s. He says he doesn't know how they sounded, which means they were rubbish. Who's Jim Steinman?

Sam:

Steinman is a composer, producer and musician who once asked fellow producer Stephen Rinkoff to make a guitar solo sound like a Harley Davidson morphing into a gargoyle like beast who's mad at his parents.

Emma:

Who are we?

Sam:

We're better than that. We are Emma Crossland and Sam Wilkinson, a sort of modern day Laurel and Hardy, except we don't wear bowler hats.

Emma:

Maybe we should.

Sam:

we wear bowler

Emma:

Listeners, should we wear bowler hats?

Sam:

Email us, chatoutofhell. com. Do let us know. Welcome to Chat Out of Hell! Bow now, now, now. Hey

Emma:

Hey,

Sam:

Hi, Emma.

Emma:

How are you doing? I'm

Sam:

alright, I've just had a boost.

Emma:

the delicious chocolate

Sam:

The delicious, is it guava?

Emma:

I don't think so.

Sam:

It's supposed to be for sport, isn't it, a boost bar? That was the whole shtick of it.

Emma:

I think it's just pure, pure. unfiltered sugar really, isn't it?

Sam:

but.

Emma:

the zero nutritional value,

Sam:

I swear I remember Linford Christie or somebody advertising boost bars back in the day. Are you tired during your run? Have a boost

Emma:

ha ha ha Are you tired, during your run have a line.

Sam:

LAUGHS

Emma:

It's all their same health benefits, I think.

Sam:

yeah, exactly. And that's why boosts have been banned at all Olympic events.

Emma:

the mid 90s.

Sam:

Since the mid 90s. For listeners who aren't from the UK, and we do have a few of them a boost is like A chocolate bar with biscuit and caramel in the middle. And also some sort

Emma:

of nougat kind of

Sam:

Some sort of nougat thing. The reason you've not heard of it is because it's not good enough to export to anybody else in the world.

Emma:

It is a delicious Cadbury product.

Sam:

Hashtag, dear Cadburys, please send some of your boost bars to Sam and Emma from really good podcast Chat out of Hell.

Emma:

I am a hundred percent

Sam:

you're in the hashtags now.

Emma:

Yeah I'm very behind. That one in

Sam:

Good chocolate. Oh yeah. We're back.

Emma:

We are.

Sam:

Shall we crack

Emma:

on? I think we should because we're both very tired.

Sam:

are both very tired, and we've had a temporary sugar lift, but who knows how long that'll last. If you are new to the show, welcome aboard. What we do on this is every episode we normally pick two songs. We're picking four very short songs this time by Meat Loaf and or Jim Steinman to chat nonsense about, talk about why they're good, talk about why they're rubbish. We both really like Meat Loaf, but also we acknowledge that most of what he does is stupid. I think that's the pitch here, isn't it? But there's nothing wrong with stupid That's right, I was about to say we've made a career out of it, but,

Emma:

Career's pushing it a bit, I think we've, got ourselves into debt.

Sam:

Yeah, we've spent a lot of money on being stupid There you go! This week we are looking at the monologues, which Jim Steinman liberally sprinkles through his albums. And we're gonna take four of those this time. I am bringing Wasted Youth, which is also called Love, Death and an American Guitar. On either Bat Out Of Hell 2, or on Bad For Good, Jim's solo album.

Emma:

I'm going to bring Nocturnal Pleasure from Meat Loaf's Dead Ringer album.

Sam:

And then I'll be back again with I've Been Dreaming Up A Storm Lately from the Pandora's Box album.

Emma:

will be finishing with The Want Ad, also from Pandora's Box album.

Sam:

So listeners, go away, find those on YouTube or Spotify if you want, you really don't have to. They are monologues and we're going to read out the stupidest bits you anyway. But they are all incredibly stupid and Mercifully short. We're gonna go listen to Love, Death and an American Guitar. You can listen to that or Wasted Youth. Basically they're the same. The Wasted Youth one is slightly better produced. We're gonna do that now. You can if you want, or here's a short clip and we'll see you in two minutes thirty eight. there we go, Emma. Jim Steinman at his theatrical. Best? Yeah!

Emma:

It GCSE drama performance, that, isn't it?

Sam:

Yes it is! A lot of people on YouTube make comments like, I'm gonna use this as an audition piece for drama school. Amazing. None of them got in. No, of course

Emma:

Because it's It works, as it is, with the sort of the howling wind in the background the It doesn't show

Sam:

It doesn't show range. On the albums, it's followed by a couple of absolute rocky hits. On the Jim Steinman album, it's followed by Stark Raving Love. Which we've not covered yet. And then on Bat Out Of Hell 2, it's followed

Emma:

Everything Louder than Everything

Sam:

Which we have covered, and is stupid. But absolutely loud, stupid rock songs. Which is much better than just stopping. My father woke up, shouted, Stop it, boy! That's no way to treat an expensive musical instrument. I said, God damn it, Daddy. You've got a hell of a lot to learn about rock and roll. And then I went back to

Emma:

bed.

Sam:

So we are being very unkind listening to it out of

Emma:

Yeah, you do need the context to really properly enjoy it.

Sam:

But also, even with the context stupid. It is so

Emma:

so stupid. This weird, dramatic reading of a teenager's diary.

Sam:

It's the story of a boy who hits things with a guitar and gets in trouble for doing so.

Emma:

Quite rightly. Guitars are expensive.

Sam:

As his daddy says. Daddy? Daddy. Yeah, I heard this on Bat Out Of Hell 2 when my older brother bought it. This is one of the two tracks on this album that over the time that we've been doing this podcast, I've forced Bat Out Of Hell 2 on people when we're driving. Other than I'd Do Anything For Love, this is the one song that people

Emma:

That's hilarious. Oh my god, really?

Sam:

I say people, other men of my age. this I think really landed with people who were too young to know about, teenage feelings and that, but oh my god I can't wait to feel like this.

Emma:

I think listening to this album prior to knowing what the teenage feelings were going to be like this influenced my teenage feelings massively turning me into the wanker that I was and still remain to this day.

Sam:

blame but yeah, this one really, sticks with people. I think, because it was, like, when you're a kid, and you listen to a cool new rock tape from Meat Loaf, You don't know that this is allowed. Oh, song song, song's brilliant. What, he's just saying stuff? That's amazing!

Emma:

And in fairness, considering how mainstream this album became, because it sold loads, this is quite the left turn, isn't it?

Sam:

I am going to hazard a guess that if Jim Steinman had his way, half of all albums ever would be this. Yes. It's influenced by The Doors, Jim Morrison got up to this sort of shit all the time. Here's a quote from Jim"This is my favourite cut". That's an old timey word for track."This is my favourite cut next to the title cut. I love The Doors, they were my favourite group from like 68 to 72". Very precise."No one's doing that now. The only thing is that Morrison wasn't at all funny. It was pretty solemn stuff, so I wanted to do one that would be funny as well as have that hallucinatory quality. chuckle, bit We've both heard this thousands of times so that the joke is lost on us, but

Emma:

A bit like each other's sets.

Sam:

that's why we don't laugh at each other's sets,

Emma:

yeah exactly Yes, that's why.

Sam:

the punchline is that the dad wakes up and says this guitar you've been using to do murders is actually quite expensive.

Emma:

On the Bat Out of Hell 2 version as you say, it's pretty much the same reading and everything, but better produced, and there are a few more sound effects. And when he talks about smashing against the body of a varsity cheerleader, you do hear a

Sam:

You do!

Emma:

Which I like, just a nice little touch.

Sam:

touch. Yeah, so very quickly anybody who couldn't be bothered to listen, this is a short story about a man reminiscing about being a teenage boy who killed a boy with a guitar and then the guitar sounded really good so he kept hitting other stuff with the guitar to see what else it would sound like. I took my guitar and I smashed it against the wall, I smashed it against the floor, I smashed it against the body of a varsity cheerleader. I smashed it against the hood of a car. I smashed it against a 1981 Harley Davidson." Now, for all the time I've been listening to this since I've first heard it in the early 90s, I've imagined a 1981 Harley Davidson to be like this classic motorbike. But of course 1981 was the year this song came out, so it's like him saying I smashed it against the body of a 2024 Tesla. It's not cool, is it? It's a bit of have this big image of him ruining a, an item of classic Americana and it's just come out the factory just last week.

Emma:

It loses something with that, doesn't it? Wow. So I first heard this on Bat Out of Hell 2. And I think at the time I was quite astounded by it as it wasn't what I was used to, when listening to albums and things. Part of me found it to be an irritating intrusion

Sam:

really? In Huh.

Emma:

And it grew on me over time, but part of me thought, Oh, is this really neccessary

Sam:

Yeah. If you're against things that aren't necessary, how did you continue listening to the works of Meat Loaf and Jim

Emma:

Steinman? You know from my surroundings that I'm clearly not against things that aren't necessary. But I don't know It felt to me like it halted the flow a little But that's not necessarily a bad thing. And as I say, it grew on me over time as I used to.

Sam:

As you became aware of the tropes of

Emma:

theatre. As I became aware of the tropes of theatre. The ah

Sam:

A voice like a horny angel.

Emma:

Beautiful.

Sam:

I always think about one of those

Emma:

accurate Yeah, I was just about to say, is it a biblically

Sam:

It's just a big wheel made of

Emma:

eyes. With a really horny voice. Also, what's a horny voice? I assume it's a sexy voice rather than an overly

Sam:

a horny angel sounds like, do email us a WAV file, chatoutofhellatgmail. com. We'll play the horniest angels that we receive over this series. We

Emma:

Is a horny angel like a sort of a deep sexy angel? Or is it like the voice of a horny teenage teenage boy? Please do it

Sam:

Touch

Emma:

just touch it.

Sam:

Look at all my eyes, they're really sexy! So here's something from the press kit. Love, Death and an American Guitar provides the opening sequence of Guitar, a film being produced for Warner Brothers by Steinman and David Sonenberg, his manager. I was Oh, you were aware of it. Okay. Do you know what the film is about? I mean, spoiler alert, this film never

Emma:

No, I'm aware that none of the films that Jim planned ever

Sam:

Yes, regretfully. hopefully I can find a script for it somewhere because it's... wouldn't you know it? Fucking stupid! Really? Yeah! This is from an interview that Jim had with the BBC. This piece is part of a movie I'm writing called Guitar, which is really the life story of one Fender electric guitar. The first Telecaster guitar from 1953 to 1986... there was a movie made a couple of years ago called The Yellow Rolls Royce, and there's been a few of this style. That one followed one Yellow Rolls Royce down through 30 years and all the people who owned it and four different stories. This follows this one electric guitar from 1953 to 1986, and it's narrated by the guitar the guitar tells the story itself."I've been writing the narration of the guitar. it's used to smuggle drugs, it's used as a murder weapon and it just has an amazing life! And you hear an entire history of the music over that 30 year period."You get sort of adventure about the guitar, a history of the music, and a saga about the country and the world, and all this narrated by the guitar. Plus, I see a lot of it filmed from the guitar's point of view, like in jaws, where you see things from the shark's point of view. Like a great sequence where the Hendrix character tries to play it by, biting the strings and setting fire to it."And you're inside the guitar, and you can imagine the disgust of the guitar that has lighter fluid poured into The guitar has a great attitude to all of this. It's very sarcastic. It's like the computer Hal in 2001. It's attitude that the whole sort of thing is none of you are really good enough to play me." Just to clarify, the computer HAL in 2001 is neither sarcastic, nor does it have that attitude.

Emma:

No.

Sam:

So yeah, that is the film that the Oscars were robbed of in the mid 80s.

Emma:

Can you imagine if that had actually come out? We would have to watch that for Film Club to

Sam:

it definitely would have been better than Fight Club.

Emma:

don't have a guitar, but maybe I could wedge a GoPro into my ukulele?

Sam:

the ukulele would have to also do the narration. Of course! And a film being narrated by a ukulele is, and I regret to tell you this, fuckloads more twee than a film being narrated by a telecaster.

Emma:

Surely not. Surely I'm rock and roll with my little

Sam:

The ukulele. being used to smuggle a small amount of drugs.

Emma:

Most of them are antacids.

Sam:

And then to commit, not murder, but,

Emma:

maybe barge somebody in a queue. Yeah.

Sam:

That's the film that we missed out on.

Emma:

Shit, that's a real shame. A Oh.

Sam:

Do you want to hear what the people of the internet think? At Highlandsman, I played this on a I played this on the jukebox at a pool hall. He shut his off.

Emma:

LAUGHTER Quite right. Yeah.

Sam:

And then this is from Wabin22, I didn't even spot this, and I'm an arsehole, so well done Wabin22."One thing I've wondered about, he clearly states he remembers everything, which is interesting. So clear that he remembers every little thing as if it happened only yesterday, but he still doesn't remember if he killed the boy with a Telecaster or a Stratocaster." Fair play, well done Wabin. I do like that he recycled that line from Paradise by the Dashboard Light and it's a weird fucked up inverse version of because that's a lovely jolly song about an increasingly horrible situation. Yes.

Emma:

Yes

Sam:

And this is a momentuously stupid situation, delivered with all the gravity that Jim Steinman can muster. Which isn't a lot of gravity, but bless him, he's having a time. time with it.

Emma:

Aww.

Sam:

Do you want to rate it. Okay, listeners, if you're new to this game, we rate all of our review subjects on our patented Jim Steinman or Meat Loaf rating scales. So for Jim Steinman works we start with Jim Steinman at the top, going to Jim Fineman in the middle and Jim Declineman for all of the shit what he wrote. Emma, what is this?

Emma:

This is Jim Steinman.

Sam:

It is Jim Steinman.

Emma:

It's daft, it's overdramatic, it deals with all the classic themes of guitars and motorbikes. What more could you want from a Jim Steinman?

Sam:

Some people might say music, and I say to those people, Open your eyes, man. The music is inside you all along.

Emma:

Emma that first heard this as it interrupted the flow of the music on the album would have Declinemaned this, but I've evolved as a person I can appreciate it for what it is now. It's a jim

Sam:

Steinman. It is a Jim Steinman. He's being stupid and bringing us along on his stupid ride. Thank you, Jim. This is a Jim Steinman. Emma, what's your first song this week?

Emma:

My first monologue this week is Nocturnal Pleasure, which comes from the Dead Ringer album that came out in 1981. Have a little listen. It won't take you

Sam:

No. We can get most of it in the little clip that'll be on in a second.

The entire city is burning. You can see the flame like the inside of a mad jukebox. Lost boys stalk the streets with those jungle markings on their chests. Barbarians prowl

Emma:

What do you make of that then, Sam?

Sam:

Fucking weird, innit? Yeah. Okay, here's something I really like about it.

Emma:

It's

Sam:

echoed. I really like

Emma:

that.

Sam:

Pre

Emma:

Pre echo, so you know what's

Sam:

Yeah. so you can hear in the faint background Jim doing the monologue once, and then the foreground of the mix comes after that, with the I did like that bit of

Emma:

It's an unusual bit of production, that, isn't

Sam:

it? Mmm.

Emma:

Dead Ringer isn't a popular album, it seems. The album that followed Bat Out of Hell that wasn't Bad For Good, because Bad For Good was originally meant to be another Meat Loaf, wasn't it? But Meat Loaf was too fucked up for that, but not too fucked up to then come back and do this instead. I think Jim was a bit put out. by Dead Ringer.

Sam:

yes, it was very hastily put together when Meat Loaf suddenly felt up to doing it.

Emma:

We are gonna dig into that at some point, but Jim Steinman did record the monologue. So this is Jim, who does all the monologues on the Meat Loaf stuff. He does. That is interesting, isn't it, because Meat Loaf has always called himself an actor who sings. then when there's a little bit of acting to be done He's nowhere to be seen. And yet we've seen him do acting.

Sam:

We have seen him do acting in films and that. he's alright, yeah. From this I think we can infer that Jim Steinman refused to leave the booth until they let him do it. One of the stupidest lines in this very short bit of, is it poetry, do you I think we can call this one

Emma:

In this very short poem, the stupidest line, and that's really saying something is motorcycles reproduce in nocturnal alleys, groaning with greasy pleasure. Now I found a YouTube clip of a jim Steinman And in it, Jim said something along the lines of, he was obsessed with the idea of Motorcycles having sex and becoming pregnant and then having little baby So so that's what we're dealing with.

Sam:

Up until you told me that, I quite liked the groaning with greasy pleasure because I was thinking of the motorcycles as a sort of metaphor people riding them. no metaphor. No, it's

Emma:

this is motorbikes.

Sam:

it.

Emma:

Motorbike on motorbike

Sam:

Oh yeah,

Emma:

This is all classic Jim kind of imagery, isn't it? Jim, the entire city is burning and the cities are always too hot in a Jim Steinman bit.

Sam:

Very 2024.

Emma:

Evidently he knew a thing or two.

Sam:

Can I talk about my favourite line in it? Yeah, of course. Which is the final couplet. They've blown up the YWCA like a giant balloon And sent it out to seas full of screaming Lovely, lonely girls

Emma:

girls. Lovely

Sam:

made me think

Emma:

girls. Lovely girls. It does make me think a little bit of the Father Ted lovely Girls

Sam:

Girls Lovely girls.

Emma:

lovely

Sam:

Well, We'll find out in our next monologue what Jim wants to do with lovely girls. This is very apt running order.

Emma:

this monologue wasn't originally meant to appear on Dead Ringer. It was written prior to Dead Ringer. And was supposed to be on a 1979 compilation album called L. A. Radio on the Freeway Records label. It never came out. And The monologue is slightly different. I've been dreaming up a storm lately. I've been dreaming up a storm lately, and the entire city is burning. Look, you can see the colors dancing around the flames like the inside of a mad jukebox.

Music:

Horny angels stalk the streets looking for a little damnation and wearing nothing but the red badge of love. Motorcycles reproduce in nocturnal alleys. And they've blown up the YWCA like a giant balloon and sent it out to sea full of screaming, lovely, lonely girls. And if I fall asleep here tonight, you better give me some asbestos sheets! Cause I've been sweating gasoline, my dreams are highly flammable, and there are parts of my body that just won't stop giving off sparks! Stop me before I dream again! Why must I be a teenager in love?

Sam:

Emma Crossand is available to play

Emma:

Any role going?

Sam:

Who read it better emma Taking the piss or Jim Steinman trying his best. Who knows? Yeah, Ioufind that on Jim's website. like the booming, slamming car doors, thunder, whatever it was in the background. It was almost certainly Todd Rundgren just doing something on his guitar to placate Jim. But yeah. I hope I've not stolen your thunder with that.

Emma:

No, that's magnificent. And that's all I've got.

Sam:

We're doing rapid fire this time Shall we rate it? I Bam. Jim Steinman, Jim Fineman or Jim Declineman? I'm going to use a wanker's word. This track is a synecdoche of all of Dead Ringer. Oh!

Emma:

you like that? Oh! You like that? Beautiful,

Sam:

much. This is Jim Steinman trying to keep up the energy when he's already burnt himself out doing one album. It's a load of old tosh. And it's not a load of old tosh in the fun way. pre echo, brilliant. sex? Motorbikes doing a sex. Very funny. But, er, I'm gonna say, saying

Emma:

I'm saying Jim Fineman.

Sam:

Yeah, it's not quite Jim Declineman. It's not. It's bottom end of Jim Fineman, isn't it? Jim Fineman, at the bottom end. Alright, me again, innit? I'm gonna bring us forward to the end of the 1980s and the Pandora's Box album, which for new listeners was a girl band that Jim Steinman assembled to be the rockinest bitches in town, and which didn't do very well. But on this album were a couple of monologues. One of which Jim himself did. Called, I've Been Dreaming Up A Storm Lately. And here's the sound of us, listening to that. Emma looks suitably creeped the fuck out there.

Emma:

That's horrible. That's so horrible.

Sam:

Is it horrible in a good way?

Emma:

What's horrible in a good way? it's quite

Sam:

It It is very creepy. My notes say this is Jim in maximum creepo mode. Yeah.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

It's a monologue about a man trying to seduce a woman and talking about these mirrors, which may or may not be metaphorical, The reflections of things in the mirrors are better than the real version of the things and that upsets Jim and he has to destroy them and it's creepy and magical and This could be an indie horror film. He's got a good idea He's got a good idea

Emma:

But he's executed it in a really creepy way.

Sam:

But it's supposed to be creepy. Yeah,

Emma:

Yeah. It's not just creepy in a ooh, spooky kind of a way. It's creepy in a, in a creepy sex man a

Sam:

Yeah, it opens with, before it gets into the mirrors, he says, in his creepiest tone of voice, and I will not attempt it, Ah, come on, let me tell you all about it, we've got all the time in the world. That's good, that's nice. I've been dreaming up a storm lately

Emma:

slightly make me think of Now We Know from Mitchell and Webb. We know now Now we know. It's so creepy. It's

Sam:

Oh It's so horrible, isn't it? The narrative is that he talks about these mirrors which he needs to feed with things and if something is beautiful enough, the mirror will not eat them. And he's begging the woman Please, please come look in my mirror, please. That will stay with you forever.

Emma:

As a chat up line, it's quite bad. I, I

Sam:

wouldn't be Bachelor number two! Ha ha ha

Emma:

that wouldn't lure me back to the kitchen that Jim was sleeping in.

Sam:

ha ha ha! His mattress up

Emma:

mattress up against the fridge. Yep. Yep. That's not luring me back there, I'm afraid.

Sam:

I've done two quizzes for this. Okay. One is an opinion quiz. Huh. Is this A, a horrifying but interesting reflection on the nature of desire and knowing that dreams fulfilled are never as good as dreams unfulfilled? is it B, A creepy chat up line in a club. Or is it C, the way Jim talks all the time to everyone? He's probably ordering a sandwich or something.

Emma:

Option A shows just how much philosophy you did at university.

Sam:

A whole degree's worth, thank you.

Emma:

want it to be C. Because I think that's, yeah, I think that's how he's talking all the time. What do you think?

Sam:

Try this out."Can you make a guitar solo sound like a Harley Davidson morphing into a gargoyle like beast who's mad at his parents".

Emma:

Next Halloween, are you going as Jim Steinman? All three of those options are incredible. I like all three of them. And, I think Jim does try to put himself out there as this incredibly deep yes. person and it always comes across as creepy and weird.

Sam:

will hold my hands up to having been lazy this time. I didn't read any of Jim's various scripts, like The Dream Engine. Dream Engine.

Emma:

Dream

Sam:

Dream a little dream ha

Emma:

Well done! Thank you.

Sam:

I would not be surprised if this had its origins in that. On the Pandora's Box album this sits between Requiem Metal, which an excerpt, oh fucking hell, I've never even noticed this. an excerpt from Verdi's Requiem played, and I fucking love Verdi's Requiem. Everybody does, it's basic. This is basic bitch classical

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

We'll have to look at that. And then it goes into, It's All Coming Back to Me Now, which as we all know is a horny old banger. It

Emma:

It is.

Sam:

It's an odd song from an odd album which has some bangers on it and some weird spooky nonsense.

Emma:

bangers on the record do seem to all be used elsewhere eventually.

Sam:

Yes because salvage what you can from a

Emma:

a

Sam:

crash of a recording. but that

Emma:

is very much Jim's way of working as well, recycle it

Sam:

Yeah it is quite like when you're in a crowded sort of social situation and you make a joke and nobody heard it, so you do it again. I said, maybe he should have put that down.

Emma:

Yeah, heard you the first time.

Sam:

What do we do with this Emma? Ratings wise.

Emma:

God, I don't

Sam:

it's not jim Steyman because it's not. It, A Jim Steinman makes me feel good.

Emma:

Yeah, there's A Jim Steinman is what we would listen to on the way back from a gig and we're chuckling along and

Sam:

and singing it and we

Emma:

won't be doing that with It's a bit too creepy and weird.

Sam:

There's a podcast called The Sink which is a sort of modern folk horror, take on kind of sleep aid and people talking gently meditation. Guided meditations. And this would fit right into that. Oh. But don't know

Emma:

It's hard to know how serious Jim Steinman's being with things. don't think

Sam:

Nobody's ever serious. Yeah, Exactly. We sometimes don't give Jim enough credit for just fucking about all the time so I don't think Jim does want to shove girls into mirrors.

Emma:

No.

Sam:

Listeners, help us rate this one, please. Pending listener approval. I'm gonna call this a Jim Fineman But listeners, steer us on this because

Emma:

what do you think?

Sam:

quite baffled. chatoutofhellatgmail. com Do you want the quiz? My actual quiz. So Emma, reviewers did have things to say about One of these is a real quote from reviewers about this track. Is it A Tower Records Magazine called it"disembodied poetics"? Is it B, the NME called it"a much misunderstood dance floor classic?" Or was it C, the Daily Telegraph said"don't be too cool to enjoy it"?

Emma:

Option B is obviously referring to whatever you're going to torture me with this series. Don't look at me like that. Oh, I go for C

Sam:

c. think,"don't be too cool to enjoy it?" Yeah. I thought that was also an obvious trap to be honest with you. oh no. It was disembodied poetics. Nobody else has really mentioned it in their reviews, but Tower Records mentioned it in passing. B and C are of course from reviews of Saturday Night by Whigfield. banger. An absolute banger.

Emma:

I'm on board with Saturday Night!

Sam:

board with it. The video is Whigfield looking into a mirror. A spooky mirror. Alright, Alright, do you want to know what the people of the internet think?, One comment on this video, that's all there is. That's all there needs to be. MariaQuiet6211, R. I. P. Jim Steinman, you were completely psycho.

Emma:

So the want ad. Another one from Pandora's box original sin performed by Ellen Foley again in 1989. Let's give it a listen.

Music:

Why didn't you call back? But to the others, which include the two terrifying sisters. The under 18s and the over 60s. The numerous ones who dialed my number and hung up as soon as I said hello. The 35 or 40 of you who made dates with me and never showed up. Including the one who complained his body was so powerful he couldn't control it anymore.

Emma:

that's very much my internet dating days summed up there in that monologue.

Sam:

Yeah, my notes say very Tinder.

Emma:

This is mad. Where do we even start? Good god. It's a retraction letter sent to a newspaper where evidently this woman, this underweight blonde as she describes herself.

Sam:

Underweight platinum blonde. Underweight

Emma:

platinum blonde. Has obviously put out uh, Yeah, Just to seek a partner and all the freaks in the world have contacted there's some pretty cruel descriptions in here.

Sam:

Yeah. Some

Emma:

shaming going on. I don't think it would fly now.

Sam:

I think regretfully, it probably would, but Wow. Yeah. Don't fly with us, Jimmy boy! Yes, it is weird, isn't it? reads out a litany of people who've replied to her ad, and many of them are awful people, and some of them just aren't her type.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

she's just as angry about all of them.

Emma:

How dare someone that isn't my type get in touch with me? It feels a bit But that's the nature of dating. I did do internet dating before I met my husband through internet dating. And good grief, as a woman, the stuff that you get, and this is back before the apps, this was when you had to do internet dating on a computer. So the prevalence of things like dick pics wasn't, as all encompassing as it now is. But people would still go very far out of their way to creep you out

Sam:

One guy

Emma:

one guy simply sent me a message saying, you look well dirty. Would you be up for performing with me the ultimate taboo.

Sam:

ultimate taboo. And

Emma:

Ultimate. And I regret to this day, not responding to that. To find out what the ultimate taboo is, because I'd love to know what he considered the ultimate Taboo, and if it went as dark as it did in my head. I can relate to this woman.

Sam:

Yeah, did you feel this kind of cathartic outpouring of what it's like to be a woman in the modern day? my notes say I cannot work out if this is Jim trying to be a feminist or Jim being a horny little boy again.

Emma:

Yeah, something sit quite right for me. I'm not sure what it is either. But something leaves me feeling quite uncomfortable.

Sam:

It is quite funny. idea that she's taken out another advert in the paper to say,

Emma:

enough

Sam:

That's enough now. Also, the so

Emma:

is so long. She's taken

Sam:

out a full page!

Emma:

If she's paying by the word, it's going to cost a fortune. So yeah, it's a strange one. I did find this, and this is direct quote from Jim. The Want Ad is a spoken piece that Ellen Foley does. That's probably gonna bother a lot of people, but I think it's pretty neat. You have to envision a teenage girl speaking that. I'll do it, and then Jim actually reads out the monologue as him. And having, reached the end of it, he finishes with I think it's a single.

Sam:

And,

Emma:

And um, I love that.

Sam:

It's just pure piss taking, is it? Or is it his blind

Emma:

Well, I think it's a

Sam:

Yeah. I think Okay. He does refuse to understand how the record industry works. All the stuff about trying to make songs upwards of 20 minutes long, and We have this on record from other people. I think if he could have got away with it, he would have made this a single.

Emma:

When he reads it out, he adds a line. that Isn't in this version. God,

Sam:

you've been really

Emma:

So he added the line"The pathetic little husband who was nothing more than a vegetable and his vegetarian wife".

Sam:

Burn.

Emma:

Yeah. While I was hunting around, I found another version in his scripts for the Dream Engine.

Sam:

Engine.

Emma:

chugga

Sam:

woo. and what

Emma:

And what I've done Because I'm a wanker is I've done a compare and contrast And so a lot of it is the same but some of the lines were changed and it feels like some of the lines were sanitised

Sam:

okay. we do know the Dream Engine was edgy as fuck.

Emma:

yes, raunchy of course Doing it probably. Probably

Sam:

probably. doing it.

Emma:

The line the two terrifying sisters was originally the two lesbians The 35 or 40 of you who made dates with me and never showed up, including the one who complained his body was so powerful he couldn't control it anymore, which is one of the stupidest lines. that bit was changed to, Including the one who complained that his penis was so large that he couldn't get it into anybody.

Sam:

That's a bit full on, isn't it? Yeah.

Emma:

The many who couldn't get it up when I was agreeable, and the many who could and did when I was not. The first line of that is changed to the two who couldn't raise their cocks when I was agreeable.

Sam:

definitely learnt to be a bit more subtle. Not much more subtle, but just a teensy bit.

Emma:

Slightly more radio friendly.

Sam:

suh. Of course, this is a single Emma.

Emma:

Exactly. You gotta be radio friendly for a single. The sharks and the geeks and the sadists, the latter category, which I'd specifically stated I did not want. This was the Jerkoff Artists and the 69ers, the latter category, which I had specifically stated I did not want.

Sam:

I love Jerkoff

Emma:

Artists. Oh, what's what's your specialist? Oh, I am a jerk off artist. the ones who wanted endless, dirty talk was originally, the ones who wanted hand jobs. The ones who wanted to be punished was originally the ones who wanted to be spanked. Oh God. the ones who could only boast about the size of their bankrolls and their equipment, this definitely includes the teacher who said, all the kids want my stuff, was originally The ones who could only boast about the size of their bankrolls and their penises. And this definitely includes a teacher who said, All the girls want my cock.

Sam:

Oh God

Emma:

Yeah. And there were many who said, My name is so and so, how far do you go? Was originally, my name is so and so, when can we get together and fuck? The numerous young studs who had nothing to offer besides the negative results of their goddamn blood tests, there was no equivalent to that in the Dream Engine. And I think that's very much a sign of the

Sam:

Yeah, I was, that's what I was thinking. It's a very Insensitive

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

to the, uh,

Emma:

AIDS epidemic. It was, that's grim. So that's quite a lot.

Sam:

It is a lot, and I think that knowing what it originally looked like has helped me look at the text

Emma:

Yeah. Yeah, I think because I've seen both

Sam:

it, leaves me if the Pandora's Box one had been his first take, and had got some missteps in it and some sort of. This is quite horrible, but maybe you don't understand what you're saying, Jim, or something like that, would be one thing. But he's revised an even more unpleasant version of this into something still quite

Emma:

I original version would have been, when did he start doing the Dream

Sam:

Dream Engine? The

Emma:

Dream

Sam:

Engine. 1972.

Emma:

I don't feel like that's an excuse, but they were different times

Sam:

Yes.

Emma:

But it's still

Sam:

Yeah. it

Emma:

reads very badly now.

Sam:

It reads badly now but even so at the time, I don't think it would have read very well.

Emma:

Do you want to hear what the internet people think?

Sam:

Yes please.

Emma:

Drogo Baggins, I know, great, isn't it? Drogo Baggins 987 said,"I'd like to hear an update of this for online dating." a reply came from Alex Offbeat, who said it would just be three minutes of silence, since you don't need to publicly retract online dating profiles. You can just delete them and ghost whoever keeps calling".

Sam:

I don't think you needed to publicly retract print ads.

Emma:

And yet

Sam:

You don't get a print ad that says, The big sale at Debenhams

Emma:

is now off. That's it.

Sam:

That is it. Shall we rate this? Yeah! Shall we rate this very

Emma:

quickly? Yeah. JIM DECLINEMAN. Jim Run. No thank you, Jim. No. Dirty boy. And revise your thoughts on so many

Sam:

And that was Chat Out of Hell, Series 3, Episode 1. Or Episode 13, if you're keeping count. Depends if you include Film Club as well. We'll let the hosts of Chat Out of Hell discussion pods work that out.

Emma:

was

Sam:

That was alright, wasn't it?

Emma:

It was, yeah. It's nice to be back.

Sam:

It is nice to be back. thank you listeners for listening there. Did you agree with any of our assessments? Do you have anything to add? Please do email us, chatoutofhellatgmail. com

Emma:

Have we got some messages, Sam?

Sam:

Fuck, we do have messages, thank you, because I was about to do the wrap up and go home.

Emma:

Sorry, no escape yet.

Sam:

Edit point. We've had some messages to that inbox while we've been off, emma. Amazing! So we've had one from Charlie Etheridge Nunn,

Emma:

Uh Huh.

Sam:

who has been looking for pictures of Jim Steinman on a motorbike in order to settle the bet between us. He didn't find one, but he did find something. I've showed it to you, we can both agree, it's fucking horrifying.

Emma:

Ah, yes.

Sam:

yes. We're not going to tell the listeners what that is that Charlie's found, but Charlie, thank you. That is going to form a little Christmas surprise for everybody. So, um, Thank you slash fuck you, Charlie. Everybody else, look out for a little cheeky bonus episode on Christmas Day. Yeah. And we also got an email from Tom Woffendon, again. Hi tom! So Tom, has now twice emailed just as we've finished the series. But he's still catching up, so it's fine. He said, Hi Sam and Emma, really enjoying listening to the show through the summer and into the autumn. One song request, though it is on the cusp. Tenacious D made a film called The Pick of Destiny in 2006 ish, and the band were adamant that only one man could play teenage Jack Black's dad in the film, and that man was Meat Loaf. He's in the film at the start and sings during the opening number, Kickapoo, which is a banger. As I say, it's on the cusp for this show, but it's a great track, and Meat Loaf's vocals are top here. I don't know the song, but let's stick that in the rotation, in the suggestions box. Also, I just randomly had an idea for a chorus, nothing else yet, for a Jim Steinman slash meat Loaf track, come to me. You'll be writing your own song, but I can actually hear this one with Meat's vocals. I've got a piano keyboard at home, so may bash something out on it. Why not? Tch. Tom gave us some lyrics. I don't want to read out the lyrics. Tom, please do record and send it in. And I know we do owe our listeners some progress on our song. I've been kicking around some lyrics for a song about having heartburn after a big curry because Jim Steinman wrote what he knew and what he knew was being obsessed with eternal youth.

Emma:

does also nicely misinterpret a saying,

Sam:

Exactly. Jim was about. Yes. At some point in this series we do owe our listeners some progress there I think. Oh dear. Yeah. We've been, you've been speaking to proper musicians right? A little bit here and there?

Emma:

In passing. Did

Sam:

not imagine that conversation?

Emma:

I have spoken to people about it a little tiny bit.

Sam:

We don't need to have a full track down, but I think,

Emma:

no,

Sam:

yeah, we're moving on it. But yeah, thank you, Tom. And thank you for listening and thank you everybody else for listening. Emma, what songs are we going to do next time?

Emma:

am going to delve into the Dead Ringer album because we've not really touched it yet. Briefly touched it today, of course, with our monologue. But it's time to dig into the songs that nobody really wanted. And I'm going to start with the first track from the album, which I believe was also released as a single. and that's called Peel Out.

Sam:

And I After I attempted last series to spring a Bonnie Tyler song onto Emma to ill effect. I'm gonna warn Emma about a Bonnie Tyler song this time. But let's ease into the brilliance So we're going to start with everybody's favourite, Total Eclipse of the Heart. It It is an absolute banger, so we're going to have some good fun with that I think. So yeah, if you have thoughts about those, as always, please keep your general Meat Loaf thoughts and anecdotes flying in. Did you see Meat Loaf at Nando's tucking into a half chicken medium with peri chips and corn? Hashtag Dear Nando's, please send some of your chicken to Sam and Emma from the really good podcast Chat Out of Hell. Drop us an email, chatoutofhell at gmail. com.

Emma:

going for free food this series then?

Sam:

Look, if a plunger company wants to send me free plungers, hashtag please send some of your plungers to Sam from The Really Good Podcast, Chat out of Hell.

Emma:

You've got plumbing issues, Sam.

Sam:

It's nice to plan plan ahead! ahead Okay good. Any other business?

Emma:

Yeah, are doing our amazing, mad show that we've been taking to festivals, Crossland and Wilkinson, Mean Business, and this time we're going to do it in Leeds, which is nice, because it means that we've not got a really long drive

Sam:

That's right. And some of our listeners live in or near Leeds.

Emma:

you should come to this. It's going to be amazing. You can find it on our Facebook page. Crossland and Wilkinson Mean Business. We're going to be at the Bridge end social and it's not just us. Local comedy legend Silky will also be performing in the hour before our show. All of that for six English

Sam:

Or Scottish

Emma:

Scottish pounds.

Sam:

When is it, Emma?

Emma:

the 10th of December, at 7. 30pm. the doors open

Sam:

at the Bridge End Social. Thank you for telling me it was Doors at 7, because I assumed it was Doors 7.

Emma:

Otherwise, we're gonna be there all night. All right.

Sam:

you everybody for listening. We've overrun again. Bye!

Emma:

Bye!

Sam:

Bow now, now, now.