Chat out of Hell

Chat out of Hell's Christmas Horror

• Emma Crossland & Sam Wilkinson

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THIS IS NOT A NORMAL CHAT OUT OF HELL

THIS IS A HORRIBLE CHAT OUT OF HELL 

Please don't take time out of your Christmas Day to listen to this, it won't pay off.

See you on January 6th, Loafers.


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Sam:

Welcome to Chat Out of Hell's Christmas Horror. Christmas is a traditional time to tell ghost stories, and here in the UK, the BBC have made many adaptations of the stories of M. R. James. These are weird, unsettling tales about dusty academics who uncover something odd, something off putting, something entirely not quite right, which shadows and haunts and follows them and slowly drives them into madness or the grave. This is an appropriate theme to bear in mind when listening to the rest of this recording. The following is what happened when the stymonologists of Chat Out of Hell were sent a mysterious document by a distant friend and uncovered the horrors within. Chat Out of Hell is equally grateful to, and curses the name of, Charlie Etheridge Nunn, who was responsible for the terrors that follow. This is not a normal Chat Out of Hell. Do not listen to it in company. ESPECIALLY do not listen to it in the company of children, family, or anyone you ever want to look in the eye again. Seriously, don't. You have been warned. Hello. This is a very special Christmas Chat Out Of Hell. If you've never listened to Chat Out Of Hell before, for God's sake,

Emma:

This

Sam:

is not for you. If you have listened to Chat Out Of Hell before, for God's sake, stop. This is maybe even less for you. In the 90s, Jim Steinman's website hosted a message board called Rockman Records. Don't ask us why. For some reason, Jim Steinman asked his most devoted Rockman Records fans to share their biggest Jim Steinman fantasies. And they did. Don't ask us why. Jim then took all their replies and made a special page on his website to show off how sexy his fans think he is. Don't ask us why, but you already know. Chat out of Hell will return on January the 6th. In the meantime, here is Jim Steinman's ego on full display. Merry Christmas everyone! STING

Emma:

Welcome to Fantasize Every Movement.

Sam:

We asked, my fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would involve, and you answered.

Emma:

My Fantasy Evening with Jim Steinman is X rated, and not I dare tell you about it. wrong, No, no, I read it correctly.

Sam:

I'd love to spend the night with Jim, a couple of bottles of wine, and his piano.

Emma:

Well. It goes like this. Jimmy picks me up in a stretch limo. He comes to my door with red roses. When I answer he says, On a hot summer night. We go to dinner and in his usual manner he orders everything on the menu. We laugh and talk and drink. On the limo ride home, we do some kissing in the backseat. Then Jimmy does the speech about Mirror, and ends it all with, now, your place or mine. We wind up back at his house, presumably by the fridge, where a night of endless pleasure takes place. It is more than any laws allow. Why do I always find out in the morning that it was all a dream? Ugh.

Sam:

For my fantasy, I make requests and Jim Steinman fulfills them. And all of my requests are not musical, I might add.

Emma:

Me and Jim Steinman go for a walk on a sandy beach on a clear, warm night. And there's a full moon. I tell him all of my secrets. And I cry. Then he tells me all of his. And he cries. Then we build a fire and watch the night slip away with a silent understanding between us. To me, that's a perfect evening.

Sam:

I have front row tickets to the only Jim Steinman concert ever. He rocks and plays the piano like a wild man. After the show, I have a backstage pass and I go back to have a tour book signed and we hit it off and wind up going out and partying after.

Emma:

Aww. On a fantasy date with Jim Steinman, I would be allowed to give him as much pleasure as he has given me. I would light a million vanilla scented candles and pour him some expensive wine. The absolute recipe for a headache there. We would get high and drink until our mouths started to feel that special way when you've just got to start kissing. Then we do. We kiss slow and tender at first, but then things start heating up. I can feel how hard he is and how I

Sam:

that bit

Emma:

I'm just going to take that bit again, hang on a

Sam:

a bad time to be drinking a cup of

Emma:

Sorry, just need a sec.

Sam:

me

Emma:

I can feel how hard he is, and I know that he is wanting me as badly as I'm wanting him. He's very shy, so I always take the lead. He watches like a hungry wolf as I undo my blouse and play with my nipples. Jesus Christ! I pick up his hands and place them on my breasts. He's so gentle and he feels so right. Before long, I take him and lead him into the bedroom. He sits down on the bed and I treat him to a private lap dance. He can't withstand much more of this teasing, so I take down his pants and climb on top of him. Our bodies are a natural match and we move together in perfect harmony. It ends in a smashing orgasm for each of us and then we sleep in each other's arms until

Sam:

A smashing orgasm.

Emma:

Oh know how I got through that.

Sam:

If I could have a fantasy evening with Jim Steinman, it would probably be spent doing very regular stuff. I'd introduce him to my friends and we'd hit a movie or go shopping at the mall, and then end up getting something to eat. I can think of a lot more exciting stuff to do, and a lot of selfish requests I could make of him. But I'd pick to do ordinary things instead. From what hear, he spends all his is time by himself without any friends. So I'd just like to show him what us normal folks do. Plus, I think it'd be a hoot to hang with. This guy has an awesome sense of humour.

Emma:

We go for a ride on his 1981 Harley Davidson. How cool would that be? Actually riding with the man who is the bat out of

Sam:

It would be awful because he doesn't know how to ride a motorbike.

Emma:

Ride a motorbike.

Sam:

I confess all of my sins, and he listens, then forgives

Emma:

On my fantasy night, the only sound would be the sound of moaning, and of two people thoroughly enjoying the way the other tastes and feels.

Sam:

We dive into a vat of chocolate naked together, and don't come up for air. Heh.

Emma:

up for So they Mr Steinman writes a song for my band and he plays the piano on stage with us when we're playing a concert. We bring the house down with the number and the audience keeps screaming until we play the song again. I

Sam:

get really naughty here, but I won't! Instead, Jim and me talk for hours and become really good friends.

Emma:

friends. Boring! I get to shampoo that extraordinary grey hair of his. What a turn on. Once I wash his hair, I just keep on going.

Sam:

My mind is going in every different direction. To a restaurant, to a concert hall, to the recording studio, to the bedroom. Of course. Anywhere, anytime, anyplace. Doing anything with Jim Steinman would be a fantasy come true.

Emma:

We fly around the world faster than the speed of night and try to beat time. We'll never be as young as we are right now.

Sam:

For my fantasy date with Jim Steinman, I would take him somewhere private. I would like to be a ear for him and listen to his problems and hear what bothers him. He's a beautiful person who is apparently depressed and hurting. It would be my fantasy to have him open up to me and let me help him work through things for a change. I guess just holding him and making him feel comfortable and secure and less alone would be my wish.

Emma:

We play Bad for Good 200 million times.

Sam:

Jim fucks me like an animal.

Emma:

Aw.

Sam:

Bless.

Emma:

For my fantasy evening, I get Jim to take me over to Bonnie Tyler's house and she sings while he plays piano.

Sam:

I'd really like to check out one of those radical places he eats at and get to try everything on the menu. Jim Steinman is the coolest, hippest, most totally unique guy in the world, and the way he does this proves Hey Jim, next time you're going out to eat, count me in. Please!

Emma:

The two of us listen to 900 numbers all night and he picks up the tab.

Sam:

We go into the studio and have sex while his music is playing.

Emma:

Jim plays the piano all night long.

Sam:

On my fantasy night, I become Jim Steinman and live his life for a few hours.

Emma:

We love the night away. Oh, Jim, you're so good. And the following morning. Oh, Jim, you sure know how to please a lady. An afternoon. Oh, Jim, you feel so right. An evening. Oh, Jim. I like the way you do that. And night, oh Jim, you're so gentle. And morning, oh Jim, you're wearing me out. Oh Jim, don't stop. Oh Jim. Sorry.

Sam:

think I've dialed one of those 900 numbers. Me and Jim go shopping for clothes. He has a good sense of style which I really admire. Those mirrored glasses, the leather jackets, those enormous gloves. Of course, if I dressed like him, I'd probably look like an asshole. But he looks like Adonis.

Emma:

Oh, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? We take a bath together in strawberries and cream and drown in ecstasy. Oh la la.

Sam:

For my fantasy, Jim would play some of his unreleased songs for me. Let me read the script to bat 2100 and answer all of my questions about his career. All of this, over a great meal, with nice wine.

Emma:

um, my fantasy night includes a push up bra and some satin sheets and I am a

Sam:

kid. I'd like to wear his leather jacket, with nothing on underneath. That's gonna chafe.

Emma:

and Jim do a mind meld.

Sam:

night is spent in Jim Steinman's house. Would not necessarily be in the same bed, just in his house overnight to see what happens. You never know what the night can bring.

Emma:

Jim takes me shopping for lingerie. He finds the only black leather nightgown ever made and buys it for me. later on I return his generosity with sexual favours.

Sam:

Take Jim to a wedding. OURS!

Emma:

Jimmy writes a song just for me.

Sam:

me. I'd love to do a makeover on him. He has nice skin and gorgeous features. His face would be a dream palette. He's also got that distinctive grey hair. All you really need is one trademark feature like that to work around. Makeover or not, he's a beautiful

Emma:

Well, I'm male, so my fantasy is not sexual. We enter a time capsule and go back to 1977 78, and I watch him play live on stage and I get to see the whole Out of Hell phenomena as it unfolds.

Sam:

Watch him do his work in the studio. I think it would be unreal to get to see and hear one of these songs come together.

Emma:

He reads poetry and feeds me grapes as I lay across his lap.

Sam:

I lay down on the bed and let him use my body as a keyboard.

Emma:

I am imagining typing and I know, I know, that's not what it means. Dear Npower, regarding bill My fantasy night with Jim Steinman would be riding down a lonely interstate highway on customised Harleys, driving into a storm as lightning flashes on the horizon, As the storm closes, and in true Easy Rider style, we outrun the storm, and find a bar with only beautiful ladies in it. The rest is history.

Sam:

My fantasy night is at the hospital where I give birth to his child as he lovingly stays by my side.

Emma:

the rooftop of the highest building in town, Jim sings and plays piano for After this, we share a candlelight dinner.

Sam:

Jim me places I've never known. Only he could do that.

Emma:

I attend the Grammy

Sam:

Grammy as Jim For my fantasy date, I invite Jim over for a home cooked dinner and have Meat Loaf as my surprise guest. Then I'd lock them both up in a room with padded walls until they were ready to record Bat 3. I've seen that film.

Emma:

Yep. We go through the mirror together.

Sam:

One of those eat everything on the menu dates sounds good to me.

Emma:

My fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would involve red wine, maybe a little ex, lots of candles, 88 keys, a bitchin sound system, my camera and lots of art books. Sounds like a really tedious

Sam:

art books? Play strip poker with him.

Emma:

For my fantasy, I would want Jim to hypnotise me and let me act as his slave.

Sam:

I'd just like to spend time together. Have a chance to get to know and accept each other. I'd want him to feel happy, relaxed and comfortable in my presence. There would be no second guessing anything we did or said. This is a man I have unyielding respect for, so it would be a fantasy come true to think that I was capable of bringing any joy, happiness, or peace to him. As a bonus, when the evening was over, we would go home and both get some nice, solid sleep. Please get some self respect, whoever you are. We charter a plane, go to Las Vegas, catch a show and, since it is my fantasy, get married in one of those quickie chapels by a little Richard look alike. to spend the night committing some sins worthy of confession, coveting my neighbor's ox.

Emma:

Get a video camera and act out HIS fantasy.

Sam:

I'm laying on a table and there is food all over me. Jim Steinman eats it off. No utensils. Only finger lickin

Emma:

Me and Jimmy would be like two guys hanging out. We rent a limo, pick up some women, go to a hotel room with a jacuzzi and have some fun.

Sam:

My fantasy evening is Triple X rated. I think that's the film that had Vin

Emma:

Diesel, in it. I call him and he listens to me confess. Then we reverse roles. There's a lot of confession in

Sam:

Mm hmm. Jim Steinman and I visit my psychic so I can see what she can figure out about him.

Emma:

On my fantasy night, I have Jim paint my toenails with a brush between his teeth and hot wax my bikini area.

Sam:

Steinman is not a trained beautician.

Emma:

I he'd make a right fucking mess of

Sam:

Oh god. I envision Jim and I cuddling up by the fire, bare our souls to each other. Jim tells me his deepest thoughts and we talk for hours about our secret fantasies. Jim allows me to probe his mind. I get to be his shrink. Our minds connect in ways not thought possible. We do not have sex in the usual way, but he enters mind, laying bare my soul, submitting to his will. Our minds become one and I give over my thoughts to him. We lie silently by the fire, our spirits freed.

Emma:

Have a seance with Jim in his house and see who floats in.

Sam:

motorcycle naked, so I could feel the vibrations between my legs and see Jim in front of me. Open brackets. I have a recurring dream that I'm actually having sex with a motorcycle and when I climax the bike always turns into Jim, close That's horrifying.

Emma:

Me and my pal Jim Steinman go to see Star Wars The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi all in the same night.

Sam:

Mostly talking. I, myself, I'm interested in the work with music that he does. Fucking no duh. He is genius with words and a god with music. I would like to show him a few rock operas that I'm working on, including my project with Bad For good.

Emma:

that sounds fucking tedious.

Sam:

Of course, I'd ask to sing one of his songs for him. Only the musically impaired wouldn't. I would also like to talk about some of his upcoming projects. Like I said, mostly talking. And, of course, I ask for an autograph. What, do you think I'm a rebel without a clue? And probably finish out the evening to know the man behind the music, as well as share some information about myself with him. I'm just hoping that this won't be his dream, and if it's true that rock'n'roll dreams come through, then I'll be dreaming up a storm. You're a very

Emma:

person. If I could spend an evening with Jim, I'd want to spend it at his home. I would like to ask Jim some very personal questions about his life and how he views life in general. I'd like to see some family albums and hear the story of his life. In my fantasy, we're so close. Jim confides in me why he's so reclusive and tells me his hopes and fears. We discuss some of the stuff he's listened to on 900 Lines and why he felt compelled to call. In short, I'd like to be his shrink for the evening.

Sam:

Jim sings and does some spoken word performances. I love his voice.

Emma:

Just sitting around bullshitting about rock and roll, opera, movies, theater, rating women at the mall, ordering the one that

Sam:

me at

Emma:

She's a five. She's a nine.

Sam:

She's a three from the

Emma:

up. Oh god! Lads lads lads, at the mall! This is so depressing. Ordering everything on the menu in a fancy restaurant. Other guests would have to include Tori Amos, Meatloaf, Danny Elfman Ingui. ingui Andrew Lloyd Webber Bonnie Tyler and my two best friends.

Sam:

That's a big table of people rating women.

Emma:

I think some of the people on that table wouldn't be too pleased about the women rating

Sam:

the fantasy so they have to be. Tori Amos is well off for rating women at the mall. My fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would involve anything I've ever dreamed of. Yeah, what's

Emma:

that? You have to be more specific. Singing a Steinman song with him at the piano and me on my Fender Strat.

Sam:

A good book some fine wine and gym reading to me by candlelight. See, everything doesn't have

Emma:

doesn't have to fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would include nothing much, just to sit in a cafe and drink some coffee and talk about life. I would like to talk about writing and how he came to write lyrics. I'm a new writer to the world and would like to be known. Hopefully, he could help me with that.

Sam:

A dream evening would be for me to listen to answers of the questions that I'd ask. The two eternal questions I'd ask Mr Steinman. Why? And women?

Emma:

women?

Sam:

This would be a dream evening for any true Steinman fan. I, I,

Emma:

do you know what?

Sam:

I think you'd get an interesting answer out of Jim if you just went up and said, wOMEN?

Emma:

I think you might say terrifying.

Sam:

I talked to one once.

Emma:

But I didn't like it. The indescribable, remarkable, unbelievable creator of the music in my life turns to me and says, if I gotta be damned, you know I want to be damned, dancing through the night with you. You are the woman I've seen in the mirror. Come away with me build a dream. And with that, we're off riding a silver black phantom bike into a blazing sunset.

Sam:

Of course, I would have to be driving and Jim at the back because jim cannot ride a motorbike. My fantasy is to write a song with him or have him arrange and produce one of my songs with me as the guitar, open brackets, acoustic, slash, electric, slash, lead, close brackets, player.

Emma:

It's always good to be specific. I can give you my fantasy date in six words. We wine, we dine, we 69. Okay, five words and a number.

Sam:

I'd let Jim Steinman in through the back door. I'd let Jim Steinman in through the back door, if you know what I mean. usually wouldn't do it for anyone anyone else, but for Jim, I'll make the exception.

Emma:

My fantasy would come true just to be with Jim Steinman in any way. That is the fantasy, just being with him. I wouldn't care what the hell we do. He could puke on me if he wants. I'd just be so honoured to be in his company Again? Has he already puked on her?

Sam:

that. Is

Emma:

Is

Sam:

Meat Loaf? I would have Jim be a vocal coach of mine for an evening. I am an aspiring singer, and can't believe the sound he's able to bring out of a singer. I have many times wondered what he could bring out of me.

Emma:

Ahem, okay. Oh, boy, you're not going to be able to print this. My date takes place in the shower. We have candles lit in the shower.

Sam:

When a

Emma:

We have candles lit and soft music is playing. Steam is rising up and the water is hot. We wash and caress each other, deep kissing and massaging wonderfully scented oils into each other. He tastes amazing. And we spend the night devouring each other. Now that I've turned myself on, I guess I'll go satisfy myself. This one's for you,

Sam:

you, Jim.

Emma:

Jesus Christ. I hope my mum doesn't listen to this.

Sam:

I have a fantasy about giving Jim Steinman a blowjob. I've had this fixation ever since I was young, and noticed the way he looked in the jeans he's wearing on the back of the Bat Out of Hell LP. Oh Christ. It's like his faded Levi's really were bursting apart. I found another photo of him recently and his pants are tight again and you can actually see his, how should I say this, unit. This brought the whole fantasy of doing him in my mind again. I've practised and I've practised and I'm sure he'd enjoy it. But anyhow, that's my fantasy. Kinda perverted. But tasty! Ha Sorry, Emma's

Emma:

mum. Yeah, she's not listening to this one. We go to the power station, record the follow up smash to I'd Do Anything For You. for love called anything else for love and i become a huge international superstar guy, so there's

Sam:

there is going to be a fantasy date, there's going to have to be chicks involved. I guess I'll be with pamela Anderson and I'll set Jimmy up with some other hot babe, probably Anna Nicole Smith. We get wasted, enjoy the women, and then trade. After all, boys will be boys, and you can't ask them for a fantasy, and not expect it to include girls.

Emma:

First, Jim sings a song he wrote just for me. Then we kiss for a long time. Then we make love, and he keeps telling me that he loves me and cares about me.

Sam:

Bit clingy, Jim.

Emma:

Just a bit.

Sam:

He gathers together all of his greatest performers to give a mega concert for me and all of my friends. While, we have a clam bake and a keg party on a private beach he rented out just for us.

Emma:

On my fantasy date, we go for a motorbike ride, and then Jim takes me home and introduces me to his cats, which take an immediate liking to me. He can't believe it, and exclaims, Those cats don't like anyone except me! You must be the one! We will be married tonight! Then we'll wed and consummate the marriage in a highly orgasmic, but too private for the internet, manner. The very first time we have sex, he gets me pregnant with a boy child who we name Jim Steinman, Jr. And we have a great life together. It's like a Cinderella story for the 90s.

Sam:

Hmm. This question is really geared towards women or gays, but since I can't resist answering, here is my fantasy with Jim Steinman. Keep in mind that I am 100 percent straight. We make out. I don't want to kiss a man, but I would kiss him. I'm very curious what a man that writes with such passion and intensity would kiss I would probably learn a lot from this and be able to put what I learned to use with

Emma:

good.

Sam:

The logic here is that there are a million or more women who'd want to kiss him, and if I knew how to do what he does, I'd Maybe they'd kiss me? There's a flaw in this logic, I know. Okay, maybe I just want to kiss him, so I'm 99. 9 percent straight.

Emma:

For my fantasy, the maestro takes me into the studio so that I may watch him create.

Sam:

I have a number of fantasies that involve Mr. Steinman. They all involve lots of lubricant. KY Jelly is the common denominator in all of them.

Emma:

This comment sponsored by KY Jelly. For my date with Jim Steinman, we take a private jet to Paris, to his favourite French restaurant. He hand feeds me many delicious dishes and drink fine wine as we talk about all of his past projects and future plans. We go for a walk after dinner and it's cold and drizzling. So we huddle close together under an oversized umbrella. On the ride home, we have some more wine and continue talking and laughing. He's holding my hand the whole time, but he's a perfect gentleman. When we get back, he gives me a nice kiss goodnight and asks me if I'd be interested in seeing him again. I say, yes. Of course. And ask when he wants to get together. He says, Tomorrow. I say, See you then. I think this could be the start of something special.

Sam:

the start Leather. Leather. And more leather. My fantasy evening with Jim Steinman would be spent in bondage. He would tie me up on a rack and spank me for being a bad girl that can't think of anything except fucking him. unbelievable evening ends with a stern warning from Jim to be a good girl so he won't have to do this again. I start being bad immediately.

Emma:

a bad girl, Sam. He sings for me all night long and I get to pick the songs. Okay, Jim, start with the entire Bad For Good album. Thank you very much.

Sam:

Even the shit If it's my fantasy, Jim Steinman does all the ordering around. I'd love to know what's on his mind and what his idea of fun would be.

Emma:

Sorry to tell you this, but my fantasy night with Steinman would be so perverted and dirty. It would be more fit to print in Hustler than it would be on a website. Have you not seen Lust incarnate. That is how I describe Jim Steinman. My lust incarnate.

Sam:

I'd like to go to a Meat Loaf concert with him, because it would be the greatest honour to sit next to the person who wrote the most amazing songs ever written in the entire history of forever. Plus, when Meat Loaf starts acting like an ass, we can make fun of him together. Shut up and sing, you fat fuck.

Emma:

Charming. Jimmy and I are sitting in front of a roaring fire at some exclusive mountain hideaway. I run my fingers through his beautiful grey hair and stare deeply into his dark brown eyes. The sound of his voice is sending shivers up my spine. Now, use you imagination, because from this point on things get a little too graphic to elaborate.

Sam:

Fantasy. Me and Jim. The New York Yankees. A few joints, a few beers. Life is good.

Emma:

For my fantasy evening, Jim Steinman would spend the night playing the piano. I would, oh, I would s I would sit on top of the piano and Jim would give me aural pleasure at the same time. This is definitely a man of many

Sam:

That's a picture that'll stay with you. I am personally invited by Jim Steinman to the premiere party for Bat Out of Hell 3, which, by the way, is the soundtrack for his new movie, Bat Out of Hell 2100.

Emma:

We spend the night doing the mattress mambo. Wow, Jim, you're an excellent dancer.

Sam:

I'd spend my time talking, probably over a great dinner in a cozy restaurant, because in the words of the great Stein God, There are so many things that I just gotta know, and it would be a dream to get the answers from the God himself.

Emma:

For your information, I've spent many fantasy evenings with Jim already. The key word, unfortunately, is fantasy. I'm always making love out of nothing at all.

Sam:

Probably just to go to some cool club where Steinman and other famous people hang and get drunk with him. It's an excellent way to get to be friends with someone. It's fun. Aside from me, I happen to be ultimately cool. Jim would be the best to hang

Emma:

with. Jim comes to my door when not even expecting him. He says that he knows how big a fan I am because he lives next door, even though I never knew. He says he's watched me through the window many times when I've been masturbating to his music. And that he is really turned on by the way I move my body and that I'm very much in harmony with the music. He then asks me if I'm willing to come to his place and help him work out some of the kinks he's been having with some of the new songs he's been writing. I tell him I'd be happy to help, but I don't know how I could. He says, That I could let him watch me masturbate myself. that would be his inspiration. Because he would tell by the way my body responds if he's making the right adjustments. I'm more than happy to oblige. And off we go. For some reason, this is a recurring fantasy I have whenever I do myself. That he asks to watch, and I let him.

Sam:

We hug. Not much more, just hug a lot.

Emma:

I co produce the next epic album. If it takes more than an evening, I produce a song.

Sam:

Take a shower or a bath together.

Emma:

You've got to save water, haven't you? Listening to the man play his piano in front of the London Symphony in the Royal Albert Hall with a couple of hundre of my close personal friends. Blood afterwards is strictly optional. I don't know! I'm frightened of that one. Well

Sam:

Have a nice meal and a good conversation.

Emma:

I don't care what we do as long as I get to touch his hair. This includes all body hair.

Sam:

My fantasy evening would be spent with him having sex. What kind of idiot would pass up that?

Emma:

We walk hand in hand on a beautiful beach with the sun setting and Jim singing and talking.

Sam:

dinner. Maybe catch a movie or a theatre show. Maybe, if the setting had one, he could play something on the piano. It would be a very fun evening, and hopefully it would involve becoming friends.

Emma:

I like that, even though this is a fantasy, there's still like, oh, if there

Sam:

it's got a if there is a piano, yeah, yeah.

Emma:

Jim dances in my pants.

Sam:

Sorry, I've just got images of Jim in women's underwear now. now. I get to sing Heaven Can Wait For Him, and I can actually carry a tune.

Emma:

Would be a long, delicious dinner and hours of conversation to truly know a little bit of the man who seems to know me so well.

Sam:

well. Dancing waltzes and wild sex on the floor of the Louvre Hall.

Emma:

I'm not sure they'd be too impressed about that. The Louvre? Yeah.

Sam:

Well, is it in front of the big crowd of people who are always around the Mona Lisa?

Emma:

Piano, bass, drums, saxophone, trumpet and a stage.

Sam:

This concludes Whatever that was.

Emma:

Filth!

Sam:

filth! absolute filth. That was the Chat out of Hell. Christmas thing?

Emma:

I'm very happy that we, the way we've got this set up and the way that we've been reading from the

Sam:

website we don't have to look each other in the eye. No, that's, that's been helpful. Chat out of Hell is very grateful to Charlie Etheridge Nunn, who found this on Jim's website in a hidden bit that most people can't normally see. Charlie is a very lovely man who is to blame for all of this, but if, for some reason, you want to support Charlie, Charlie does loads of stuff. He writes comic books, he's got a comic called Explosion High, And he hosts a podcast called Casual Trek in which he and his co host watch some Star Trek episodes and then rate them every week, which is much more often than we do our podcast. And I don't think any erotica happens in it

Emma:

Oh, disappointing.

Sam:

So if you've gone off us, try Casual trek. If you're still here, we'll see you all on January 6th. Merry

Emma:

Christmas! Bye!