SPECIAL FILM CLUB #5 -SPICE WORLD | WAYNE'S WORLD

Ho ho ho! Time for a most festive Film Club!

We'll be diving into Meat Loaf's worldliest of movies as we take a look at Spice World then realise we've talked for a normal length episode but still have to cover Wayne's World. Truly, our labours never cease.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL THE FESTIVE CHAT! Come back on Christmas Day for a very special episode indeed, we're super excited to release it.

AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH we'll be back on January 12th for series six! Be there or don't. Up to you.

Keep your comments, reviews and arguments flying in to chatoutofhell@gmail.com

Chat out of Hell is a is a review podcast: all music extracts are used for review/illustrative purposes. To hear the songs in full please buy them from your local record shop or streaming platform. Don't do a piracy.

Transcript

Sam 0:00

What is this?

Emma 0:01

This is Chat Out of Hell Film Club where we torture ourselves by watching the dubious films and TV shows that Meat Loaf or on occasion Jim Steinman had involvement with. So you don't have to.

Sam 0:15

Who was Meat Loaf?

Emma 0:17

Meat Loaf was the man that stepped in and saved the day when Frank Bruno dropped out of playing the bus driver in Spice World.

Sam 0:25

ruined one of my Spice World facts there.

Emma 0:27

Sorry.

Sam 0:28

It's all right.

Emma 0:29

Who's Jim Steinman?

Sam 0:30

Jim Steinman was an American composer and musician who was the Wayne to Meat Loaf's Garth.

Emma 0:37

Who are we?

Sam 0:37

We are Sam Wilkinson and Emma Crossland. Or to give us our Spice Girl names Belligerent Spice, and Why Do Men Always Have to Get Involved in Everything Spice. Welcome to Chat Out of Hell. Film Club Bow. Now. Now, now.

Emma 0:55

Ding. I like that.

Sam 0:57

was alright, innit

Emma 0:57

It was good. Well done.

Sam 0:58

Yeah, but who's who?

Emma 0:59

Well, we may never know. But also we're both, both of them.

Sam 1:05

Well someone's feeling belligerent

Emma 1:07

Always.

Sam 1:09

You alright?

Emma 1:10

Yeah, how are you?

Sam 1:11

I'm all right. We are very excited to be here with our special festive Film Club.

Emma 1:15

Yes.

Sam 1:16

Yes. And before we go on with Film Club,'cause I know a lot of people don't actually listen to Film Club, we do get a bit of a listener drop off, which is fine. You don't have to stick around, but before you hang up. Our Christmas special is coming out in a couple of days on Christmas Day, and we promise it is something you do want to listen to.

Emma 1:31

It's it's so good.

Sam 1:33

We, we are really excited about it. We've been buzzing for weeks.

Emma 1:36

Yeah, I can't wait to release it.

Sam 1:38

Honestly. There are anecdotes that I will dine out off in that episode.

Emma 1:43

Yep.

Sam 1:44

If you don't care about Film Club at all, that's fine. See you soon. But please do listen to the lovely Christmas special, And if you do care about Film Club.

Emma 1:52

Hello.

Sam 1:53

Welcome to Film Club. So Emma, what films have we brought this week?

Emma 1:56

This time we are hosting a war of some worlds'cause we are bringing Spice World and Wayne's World.

Sam 2:05

Meat Loaf appeared in both Spice World and Wayne's World. Which are sort of knock about silly fun films.

Emma 2:13

Yeah. That's one way of describing them.

Sam 2:14

Well that's why we chose them for this our Christmas film club. They're the sort of films you might watch in the lull between Christmas and New Year.

Emma 2:22

When you've got literally nothing else to do.

Sam 2:24

When you can't reach the remote'cause you've eaten too much chocolate.

Emma 2:29

Fine. We'll watch it then.

Sam 2:30

Yeah, Emma, I suspect will have a lower opinion of these films than me.

Emma 2:35

What? With me being Belligerent Spice.

Sam 2:39

Oh no, I'm Pollyanna Spice aren't I? Come on girls. It might be alright."

Emma 2:45

It's not.

Sam 2:46

Okay. So are we gonna start with the Spice World movie?

Emma 2:49

I think we should start with Spice World.

Sam 2:50

Okay. So listeners, if you want to go away and watch Spice World, good luck finding it.

Emma 2:55

Yeah. It's not on any streaming

Sam 2:57

services. I had to buy A DVD off eBay for 14 pound, four 14 pounds. 14 pounds. Do you know how many copies of Wayne's World have got for that?

Emma 3:09

14.

Sam 3:10

14. So good luck finding it, if you do wanna watch it. If you also wanna watch it. Um, good luck watching it. See you on the other side. We're gonna dive right in now. Emma, what is Spice World?

Emma 3:23

A Spice World is a film of sorts, created for the Spice Girls as a promotional,

Sam 3:37

as a vehicle. As a moneymaking exercise in itself. So the year is 1997. The Spice Girls only released their first album one year ago Mm. and they're already,

Emma 3:49

They are, they went stratospheric immediately.

Sam 3:50

Yeah. Like this is a, a genuine phenomenon. And now they get a whole movie. Did you see on the opening credits, this movie was written by Kim Fuller, based on an idea by the Spice Girls and Kim Fuller.

Emma 4:03

Yes.

Sam 4:03

I wonder what the idea was because this is an absolute mishmash of a film.

Emma 4:09

There's so many different thoughts gone into it. None of them coherent.

Sam 4:14

Yeah. Potentially six thoughts have gone into it. The version that I watched, which I think is the same version that you watched, opened before we even get into it, with a warning that the film has been reformatted for home viewing.

Emma 4:27

Yep.

Sam 4:27

And then I had to watch a DV a DVD that was released in 2007 in four by three,

Emma 4:34

Which is, it should be a criminal offence.

Sam 4:38

And before we even get out, I need to do an anecdote about four by three. I am really sorry, people who don't give a shit about aspect ratios. But when Kat and when Kat and I were first dating, um, this was maybe date five, something like that, we went to see an American Werewolf in London at the Leeds Film Festival at the le at the film festival. And they showed it not in four by three, but in four by three stretched out to 16:9. No,

Emma 5:05

No,

Sam 5:06

I was fuming. Oh. And Kat did not give a shit.

Emma 5:11

I'm an aspect ratio girl, it, and so I, I, I care.

Sam 5:15

it hurt me so much, Emma.

Emma 5:16

It's just wrong.

Sam 5:17

She found it quite off putting, it was still a very new relationship to find out.

Emma 5:23

Yeah. That's something that you should hide

Sam 5:25

But I couldn't hide it because it was a, it was a film festival.

Emma 5:29

Oh, I, I, I'm with you. I'm with you a percent. But those sorts of weird personality quirks are things that you hide for at least a a little while. Like my husband and his, many, many photographs of trains. Didn't find out about those for a bit.

Sam 5:47

Five dates?

Emma 5:49

More than five dates. Um, I'm not really sure. But it was, certainly once he'd bedded himself

Sam 5:56

was it like, um, you, was it like a little parasite? Was it like you stayed over for the night and you went to maybe open a cupboard to get something and hundreds of train photographs fell out?

Emma 6:10

I wish it would've been as amusing as that. He used to come and visit me at lunchtimes when I was unemployed, and so he'd come over at lunch and we'd have lunch together. It was really nice. But he'd bring, like, his post with him and I caught him opening the post where he was receiving one of these pictures of trains. Honestly, I think I'd have preferred it if he was receiving pornography.

Sam 6:29

I was gonna ask did it come in the plain brown packaging. So there we go. That's our first, uh, our first meander off the topic. Listeners, do you have something off putting that you revealed to a partner to soon? Let us know, chatoutofhell@gmail.com. Let's get back to Spice World, Emma. so we open with like a Bond movie style

Emma 6:48

Yeah.

Sam 6:48

My comment on that was cheap ass Bond style opening credits. My comment is a Bond movie style opening where the girls do dancing like Bond girls do, but their faces aren't sure whether to be serious or not. There's a lot of that kind of almost gurning throughout the movie. Corpsing all the way through. There are some great actors in this film. The five leads ain't them. Yep.

Emma 7:14

Yep.

Sam 7:15

So the opening song is Love Is which is the one that goes"too much of something" over the Bond movie titles and then they're singing it on Top of the Pops. Yeah. Which was, for foreigners and young people, the leading music TV program of the nineties

Emma 7:31

Indeed.

Sam 7:32

We're gonna get a lot of relics of the British nineties. I had such a great time spotting people and things in this film. I couldn't care less about the script, but I was like, oh, he's so young. Look at that. What's he doing there? Did you not enjoy that bit?

Emma 7:46

There was a lot of 90s spotting, which, made it more tolerable.

Sam 7:51

They sing the song on Top of the Pops. They leave, we meet our first incredible get. Richard E. Grant is playing their manager.

Emma 7:59

And God, doesn't he do it badly?

Sam 8:02

Does he?

Emma 8:02

I assume it's because of the terrible writing, but it was hammy and borderline intolerable.

Sam 8:08

Oh, but this is a film that demands ham.

Emma 8:10

Maybe I was watching it in the wrong circumstances to enjoy the ham.

Sam 8:13

Do you wanna hear why Richard E. Grant is in this movie?

Emma 8:16

Go on.

Sam 8:16

This is from, Huffington Post"at the time, the amount of very grand actors who said to me, how can you possibly be in Spice World the movie, you whore?" And I said, absolutely. Whore central. Delighted."

Emma 8:30

I mean, it's a payday, isn't it?

Sam 8:33

Well, he took the job because, uh,"my daughter was eight and she was completely possessed of them. She had those platform shoes, t-shirts, her hair was done like them. I'd never seen anyone so crazed apart from me and Barbara Streisand. And so I brought her back from school and she pressed the answering machine in my study, you know, pre-internet."And there was a message saying,'you have been offered the Spice World manager, Clifford in Spice World, in the movie'. And she just came through frothing hysterical, jumped up on me like a spider monkey, and she said,'dad, you have to do this so I can meet the Spice Girls.' So I did, and I had two terms worth at her school of being treated like a god." And then on the shoot he says, I just turned 40 and they were about half my age. And Scary Spice, Mel B pinched my bum on the first day and said, you're not bad for an old guy.'"

Emma 9:21

Oh God. Oh.

Sam 9:24

Oh, I think he loved it.

Emma 9:25

Oh, probably.

Sam 9:26

Yeah. I would love being in this film. You know, there are films that everyone's clearly having a great time in and it, they don't give a damn about the end product. Yeah. Yeah. This is one of This is, this is one of these. Yeah. So yeah, Richard E. Grant is their manager. We're in BBC Television Centre.

Emma 9:41

are. Um, and suddenly, suddenly, Elton John appears for no reason at all.

Sam 9:45

Yeah. And they say hello and slap his bum. Cameo over. And then we meet Alan Cumming.

Emma 9:51

Oh, I hate this.

Sam 9:53

Alan Cumming is playing. Richard E. Grant. Yeah. I enjoyed this so much.

Emma 9:58

Alan Cumming is leading a documentary crew. For, again, no purpose throughout the story. They just crop up every now and then and kind of bumble about in an awkward fashion. It serves no purpose. And it did annoy me. At no point does he really interact with them, either. it's just him talking to camera and then filming them afar.

Sam 10:22

Is this trying to say something about the nature of the press?

Emma 10:28

No.

Sam 10:28

Okay. Uh, they go outside, they're mobbed by the fans. They get on their tour bus,

Emma 10:33

Which is impossible. The tour bus TARDIS.

Sam 10:38

It is, it's much bigger on the inside than the outside..

Emma 10:39

So much bigger on the inside. Each of the girls have got their own section is tailored to their, and I've written this in inverted commas, personality. So Baby Spice, or Emma Bunton, as her actual human woman name is, she has this swing to sit on and be a baby girl.

Sam 11:00

Yeah.

Emma 11:01

And, and a load of toys and shit like that. So they've all got these sort of themed areas.

Sam 11:06

Uhhuh, uh, like a zoo.

Emma 11:08

Like a zoo, yeah, like a woman zoo.

Sam 11:15

They've all got their own chew toys and, um. A frozen pumpkin with meat inside. That tour bus that's bigger on the inside than the outside. Do you remember this happening in the CBBC show, No Sweat?

Emma 11:29

I'm not sure if I remember No Sweat.

Sam 11:31

That was about the boy band North and South.

Emma 11:34

Oh, I sort of remember.

Sam 11:35

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah nah, nah uh, No Sweat.

Emma 11:40

I sort of remember little bit. Yeah.

Sam 11:43

But that turned out to have come out after this. So some lazy lower tier manufactured pop group manager just went, I'll have that. Meat Loaf is the bus driver.

Emma 11:54

That's the reason we've had to watch this.

Sam 11:56

That's why we're here. He plays Dennis, the bus driver. He has some lines later on. He most of his lines are just"Yes, I will drive the bus."

Emma 12:03

Yeah. Yeah.

Sam 12:04

Um, occasionally no no. He does have a line which is worth comment on later on, but we'll get there

Emma 12:11

The girls have a bit of an argument, don't they?

Sam 12:13

Oh. Oh, okay.

Emma 12:14

They have this silly argument about fuck knows what, and it turns into a pillow fight. Yeah. And all I've got written down here is did a teenage boy write this? So they have this like girly, um, pillow fight. But also, and I remember thinking this as a kid being introduced to the Spice Girls when they came out in the mid nineties. The Spice Girls seemed feral. They've got this sort of wild energy that I find jarring.

Sam 12:44

It was girl power,

Emma 12:45

Emma. Yeah. It was like the height of ladette culture as well.

Sam 12:48

Yeah.

Emma 12:49

seeped into the girl power

Sam 12:50

thing. a bit of ladette. Yeah. But through a sort of safe for preteens filter.

Emma 12:56

But they just seemed intolerable. They were like the, the kids in school who just wouldn't... behave. And I was not one of those kids. I find them annoying.

Sam 13:12

Well, we're learning a lot today. I have to say. I had no strong opinions about their music. I still don't, but it's, their music is quite fun to sing along to at karaoke or something. It's a good version of generic frothy pop. And that's not what I'm particularly into, but I can recognize that as being fun in certain circumstances. Emma looks like she wants to punch me.

Emma 13:38

I have a slightly different opinion. The overall experience of watching the film has reminded me just how much I don't like their music. Overproduced, obnoxious, and utterly charmless girl pop by committee. I didn't like them in the nineties when they were marketed at me, and I still don't like them now, and I find their personalities abrasive. And as they kind of progressed beyond the Spice girls. And you got to see them as mature women.

Sam 14:08

Spice women,

Emma 14:09

spice women then Yeah. Things mellowed a lot, but the sort of shouty 20 year olds did my head in and still do.

Sam 14:17

Yeah, I can understand. Somebody needed to say, calm down at some point in this film. Yeah,

Emma 14:21

Yeah, the idea was that there's, well, there are so many different character types in these Spice Girls. Surely everybody's at least one of them. Well, where is Chronically Depressed Spice?

Sam 14:31

Where's Sedate Spice?

Emma 14:33

Where's Really Struggling to Fit In at This Comprehensive Spice?

Sam 14:37

He's driving the bus

Emma 14:39

Indeed.

Sam 14:41

Anyway,

Emma 14:42

sorry. That's one of many rants tonight.

Sam 14:46

The bus arrives at the Albert Hall, where they're gonna do a press junket. That's an interview with Jonathan Ross. And he's so fucking young. He's so young.

Emma 14:56

Yeah.

Sam 14:57

We learn an important piece of information in this, which is the whole plot of this film is gonna be about them, about to do their first ever live gig. They released their first album in 96. Spice. But they didn't actually any live concerts until 97 alongside the film.

Emma 15:16

Yep. So it is a real, an actual thing.

Sam 15:20

Madness. Then we go see George Wendt Norm from Cheers.

Emma 15:25

Norm from Cheers. Yeah. To give him his proper name.

Sam 15:28

He's watching them on the telly. Yeah. I assumed he was gonna be the baddie.

Emma 15:31

But no

Sam 15:32

No, he's just another extraneous character with extraneous plotline.

Emma 15:35

The baddie is an even weirder pick.

Sam 15:37

George Wendt is a film bigwig and throughout the film he and his his mate. They're gonna pitch shit film ideas to Richard E. Grant at a restaurant just scattered throughout this. The whole thing's like a sketch show.

Emma 15:49

But none of the sketches work.

Sam 15:51

And at the restaurant, where they meet Richard E. Grant, he's always dressed like the Riddler.

Emma 15:55

Yeah.

Sam 15:56

He's wearing a green suit,

Emma 15:58

shiny a really shiny green suit

Sam 15:59

and big sunglasses

Emma 16:01

Horrific,

Sam 16:02

We learned that Richard E Grant works for Roger Moore.

Emma 16:04

Yes. The Roger Moore theme, I did have a few giggles at this.'Cause Roger Moore is never in a room with anybody else. He's always in this, sort of super super villain lair. And there are so many little Bond jokes thrown in there. In each scene that he appears in, he is stroking a different cute animal, including at one point he is feeding a pig with a bottle. And in this first scene, when he is on the phone, he does say"there's no need for any stirring" while he shakes a cocktail.

Sam 16:36

Yeah. Multiple people will make shit references to their work outside this Uhhuh. throughout.

Emma 16:43

And that was one of them.

Sam 16:44

Um, I genuinely did like Roger Moore's character'cause he, he talks in constant meaningless, business talk. And then Richard E. Grant has to just be like, no idea what he just said. He won't let the spies girls have a day off. That's the plot. when Richard E. Grant hangs up, his assistant says,"what does he say?" And Richard E. Grant says,"I haven't a clue, but I know he's right."

Emma 17:09

We next get to the rehearsals, and the band leader is Jools Holland. Jools Holland seems to have been the same age forever. It feels like playing Boogie woogie, piano on New Year's Eve.

Sam 17:23

the Boogie Woogie Spice Girls.

Emma 17:24

Hootenanny

Sam 17:28

Sorry Americans. We'll get onto Wayne's World soon. There's a bit of mucking about and rehearsing in the Albert Hall

Emma 17:35

And then the girls' pregnant friend Nicola

Sam 17:38

Yes. So Nicola is all five of their best friends and is pregnant

Emma 17:43

And we don't care, When they're talking to their friend, they have like a flashback sequence, or no, it's sequence

Sam 17:51

It's a Muppet Babies style flash forward.

Emma 17:53

It's a flash forward, dream sequence. I've written down here, has this been edited in iMovie by some sixth formers having a go at their first bit of coursework.'cause it's a swirly edit

Sam 18:05

Yeah, it's a good swirly edit. Oh, it's horrible. And then they have this awful fantasy sequence about having babies. they, they're all just living in a house together, all being pregnant and having babies. There's a lot bad sketches thrown in in order to allow them to wedge in certain songs. So Mama was kind of playing in the background of this one. And then I just said, Jools Holland is so awkward.

Emma 18:27

But Jools Holland, his entire thing is being awkward. He's one of the worst TV presenters. He's, He's, so awkward. No. job. Every time I've watched like a, an episode of Later, or the Hootenanny it is just excruciating.

Sam 18:42

He gets such good musicians and bands on.

Emma 18:44

Yeah. Yeah. How, and then he makes them all play boogie woogie versions of their songs

Sam 18:51

But then we cut to the evil newspaper.

Emma 18:53

Yeah. This was a surprising bit of casting. Barry Humphries.

Sam 18:57

Was so excited to see Barry Humphries.

Emma 18:59

Yeah. Do you think he's supposed to be Murdoch?

Sam 19:02

Well, the character's name is Kevin McMa xford. Right. So that's definitely a Max Clifford reference.

Emma 19:07

But they're all kind of the same evil. He's the, the newspaper boss who wants destroy the Spice Girls. I've written here is this actual plot, and also I'm on Team Barry.

Sam 19:20

He's so sick of writing headlines about good stuff that happens to them, that he wants bad stuff to happen. Yeah. them.

Emma 19:26

I'm okay with

Sam 19:27

On the bus, Mel B and Geri try their best to do acting over a chess game.

Emma 19:31

Ah.

Sam 19:32

Uh, Richard E. Grant gets his first set of stupid film pitches,

Emma 19:36

Yep. And then we get to a point where Hugh Laurie is playing Poirot in sequence about how no one would ever suspect Baby Spice of murder.

Sam 19:47

That's right. Because Baby Spice, each of the Spice Girls has a sort of moment where they worry about their personality. Yeah. And everybody goes,"no, it's fine babe. You do well". So Emma worries that the Baby Spice personality won't work for her long term. And they're like,"no, you could do a murder and no one would suspect you." And then did you recognize the photographer in the next shoot?

Emma 20:11

No.

Sam 20:12

Dominic West Oh, Dominic West.

Emma 20:15

Bloody hell, everybody was in this. The girls are tired of their stereotypes.

Sam 20:19

That's right.

Emma 20:20

so, it provides an opportunity to kill a few minutes of them playing dress up. And it culminates in them impersonating each other, which is painful to watch.

Sam 20:29

I honestly hadn't noticed until they said, and they we're back to the newspaper.

Emma 20:36

We meet the evil reporter

Sam 20:38

Good stuff is happening because the evil reporter is played by Richard O'Brien, playing Richard O'Brien. Yeah. He's still wearing his costume from Crystal Maze he plays a magical, super good paparazzo who's gonna follow them around get dirt on them. Yeah. Yeah.

Emma 20:54

And then we're at a party, aren't we?

Sam 20:56

Yes, we are. They go to a party. Jennifer Saunders

Emma 20:58

as Eddina Monsoon from AbFab. Yeah. In different wig. Yeah. Yeah. Bob Geldof chats to Mel B and then she does his hair up, like her hair.

Sam 21:07

Yeah.

Emma 21:07

I've put down here Bob Geldof gets his hair Scary Spiced.

Sam 21:12

And then a third man that I didn't recognize, but must have been famous at the time, talked to Geri. He must have been famous, otherwise why is he in it?

Emma 21:19

I can't remember but I've written down here, this party isn't that exclusive. As their pregnant mate turns up and ask them to be godmothers.

Sam 21:28

The evil reporter is at the party listening to the girls talk about their opinion on boys. somehow, and I can't quite remember how,'cause it was very late when I was watching this, the conversation becomes a religious controversy, and ends up in the papers. Oh, it's because, somebody asks a dumb question and Geri says, is the Pope a Catholic? And then the big news story becomes Spice Girls question whether Pope is Catholic", and then Richard Briers gets a bit playing a bishop.

Emma 21:52

Yeah. Richard Briers, fuck. And then all of a sudden they're off to Milan. Because I'll tell you one thing. This is a pacey film.

Sam 22:03

We don't hang around.

Emma 22:04

Nope.

Sam 22:04

They're on a plane to Milan. Um, and the, um, Oh, Oh, I'll go for this one. The Gary Glitter number is a bit of a surprise. So he was arrested in November, 1997 and this film came out December that year. Yeah. And they had to do quite a lot of cutting. They've not removed the scene entirely, but they did cut a lot of it. I, but it's still enough there to be utterly jarring. Yeah. They sing Leader of the Gang by Gary Glitter, which, uh, yeah.

Emma 22:37

I mean, this will have been filmed before he was

Sam 22:40

Yes. Uh, he, yeah. Well, he shot a four minute cameo, which they took out.

Emma 22:44

Oh, I didn't know that. There you

Sam 22:46

go. Oh. Oh. What I found particularly odd though, is that they could have excised the whole scene and it wouldn't have,

Emma 22:54

it wouldn't have affected film at all. It had nothing to do with the storyline. They could have got rid of that.

Sam 23:00

They're singing and the Italian film crew want a load of sexy, naked hunks in Speedos to dance with them, but the girls don't want that.

Emma 23:08

Cos it's not girl power

Sam 23:09

exactly. Geri agrees a compromise, which is that the hunks will dance with them dressed, but with their arses hanging out.

Emma 23:15

Yeah. All of their arses are hanging out. It's so weird. So They're back in the UK again. Yeah. Suddenly

Sam 23:22

Meat Loaf's driving them home. He gets ordered to pull over s o the girls can go have a wazz in some trees. Because all the toilets on the bus are clogged.

Emma 23:30

And then it's time for Meat Loaf to do a Meat Loaf joke.

Sam 23:33

Richard E Grant tells him to fix the toilets and he says,

Emma 23:37

"I love these girls and I do anything for them, but I won't do that."

Sam 23:50

My note says, I think we found our sixth worst actor of this film. He's better than the performance he gives here.

Emma 23:59

It does feel a bit phoned in

Sam 24:01

He's shocking. Yeah.

Emma 24:02

He clearly doesn't give a shit.

Sam 24:04

No. And you learn why he doesn't give a shit later.

Emma 24:07

So Girls lost in the woods now. And suddenly aliens. And it is as fast as that.

Sam 24:13

Yep. A big UFO lands and aliens get out and turn out to be massive fans who just want tickets to their gig, they ask for an autograph of my brother and they say, what's his name? And she says, how many Ks is that? He's that? Three Ks or

Emma 24:30

Oh,

Sam 24:33

Come on. That's a good joke. That's a good joke.

Emma 24:36

It's just suddenly aliens. And at that point I realized that, oh, they're just gonna try and put as many things in here as possible.

Sam 24:44

It's a Katamari Damacy of a film. That's a good joke that Emma didn't get. No. It's a video game about rolling small things into a big ball of bigger and bigger things till you're rolling up the whole planet. Listeners of a certain kind. Absolutely loved that joke. Anyway, um, Roger Moore still won't let'em have a morning off, so they go see their dance tutor.

Emma 25:09

Oh God.

Sam 25:10

Who is Michael Barrymore, playing the dance instructor as a shouty drill drill sergeant.

Emma 25:16

called Mr. Step. Which is a terrible joke.

Sam 25:19

Oh, sh I literally just got that. Yep. Fuck me. Well, it doesn't make any sense though'cause he, he's good at dance.

Emma 25:26

Doesn't matter.

Sam 25:27

It does, it does Emma.

Emma 25:30

It clearly doesn't to the script writers.

Sam 25:33

You know I hate jokes that don't work if you

Emma 25:35

Yeah.

Sam 25:36

Yeah. And that, that's just infuriated me. it's terrible. That's annoying That's annoying cause my note says this is a good bit, but now I'm angry. Like the, the, the, the dance tutor as shouty drill sergeant, I think is a good bit.

Emma 25:46

It feels very Monty Python though. there's a lot bits that do feel a bit like shit. Monty Python,

Sam 25:53

you're right. you're right. That should be Michael Palin playing that.

Emma 25:57

Yeah. So this is just like an excuse for some military themed hijinks and a bit of dancing. And four of the five girls are dressed in proper Army kit, but Posh Spice is wearing a camo Gucci number and heels.

Sam 26:11

Ha Ah ha ha.

Emma 26:11

And written here, I hate her the most, and I stand by that.

Sam 26:17

And all of this really is to wedge in that song of theirs that's got a bit of a marching song beat. They do the sort of bootcamp thingy then they go to bed in a scary house. Yeah. Richard O'Brien sneaks in via a toilet.

Emma 26:29

Yeah. He's hiding in the toilet. Of course he is. The girls get spooked by his creepy noises, so they all end up sharing the same bed and they talk about a shared nightmare about the big show.

Sam 26:40

He listens in. And then that's the next big headline, Spice Girls Scared of Big Show

Emma 26:44

I mean, clearly nothing was happening in the world in 1997. Nothing at all

Sam 26:49

That was when Francis Fukuyama published the End of History,

Emma 26:52

but not as important as the Spice Girls, is it?

Sam 26:55

No, but I suppose they proved him wrong, didn't they? Let me just check if my massively intellectual joke there worked. Oh, it was 1992. Dammit. Sorry, Fukuyama fans. The Hollywood guys pitch a film called Spice Force Five Oh no. Which is just an excuse for the girls to dress in sparkly silver clothes and do yeah, shitty vignettes. And then Geri goes into a phone box,

Emma 27:20

and becomes Bob Hoskins. Why? After the night in the spooky house, they're sitting in a weird tent thing. Made of colorful scarves.

Sam 27:36

It's like the BBC's coverage of Glastonbury.

Emma 27:38

Yeah. It's really weird. They're sitting in this, and they chat about setting Richard E. Grant up with his assistant.

Sam 27:44

Oh yeah. Him and his assistant have shown no interest in one another at all.

Emma 27:48

There's no sexual tension there. No,

Sam 27:49

No, but they decide because this is their world, right? This is Spice World. Yeah. They are the evil rulers who, whatever I say goes. So Richard Grant children. Yeah. They're, they are the petulant children Yeah. who are also kings. Yes. Oh, what's his name in Game of Thrones? They're the, yeah. They're Joffrey in Game Thrones and and everybody must dance to their whims.

Emma 28:16

Yeah. There is absolutely no sexual tension in this film at all. It's one of the most sexless films ever.

Sam 28:25

Because it has to simultaneously be for pre pubescent girls. And for people who are like, phwoar, yeah, I'll have a bit of that.

Emma 28:34

But it it doesn't have it. Oh, yeah. It has no fuck.

Sam 28:38

It has no fuck.

Emma 28:42

After that some kids have won a tour of the Spice Bus

Sam 28:45

and that will take them the rest of their lives. But the girls complain to them about how rubbish it is. Being a Spice Girl.

Emma 28:55

can fuck right off.

Sam 28:57

I, oh, it's awful. Richard E Grant bossing us about all the time. Oh,

Emma 29:01

Oh. Oh. We're having such a horrible time becoming multimillionaires.

Sam 29:05

And so they decide to endanger those children by stealing a speedboat

Emma 29:09

Yeah.

Sam 29:09

driving away down the Thames.

Emma 29:11

And so some of the children fall into the water

Sam 29:13

due to the irresponsible band being irresponsible. And Richard O'Brien was there. So that story gets out.

Emma 29:20

Victoria ends up in the water as well, and unfortunately she makes it out alive.

Sam 29:26

Isn't it mad though that this bit of plot hinges on Richard O'Brien still being there, being a sneaky spy. Yeah. They're in the middle of the Thames. And, that is potentially believable in 1997. Yeah. That if a paparazzo hadn't been there, nobody would've nobody would've ever known. yeah. Yeah.

Emma 29:44

Oh, what a time to be alive. The things we could get away with.

Sam 29:49

I know. They all fall out with each other and with Richard E. Grant, and everybody stomps

Emma 29:54

This pisses me off, this section. Cause during the fight the girls are arguing with Richard E. Grant about how self-respect and freedom are more important than performing the big gig. That is so fucking unprofessional. You know, these, these are girls that have been plucked out of obscurity and they've got opportunities of a lifetime and they're being all like faux girl power about it.

Sam 30:17

I agree, Emma. They should be grateful to the man for giving them an opportunity.

Emma 30:24

Fuck it. Actually. Yeah. It's, it's an incredible opportunity that they're squandering. Take the man for all he's worth, do the gig and take the money and run.

Sam 30:40

But their best friend is pregnant and they all therefore need to have a day off with her.

Emma 30:46

Well, they should have organized it better.

Sam 30:49

Flashback! We flashback to a cafe where six coffees cost one pound 50.

Emma 30:54

Oh. Oh. My God

Sam 30:56

And character actor, Bill Patterson plays a man who owns the cafe.

Emma 31:01

The are were pretending that's how they used to hang out before they got famous. I suppose a scene where they were just in rehearsal rooms, having been assembled by the Herbert Brothers in 1994 wouldn't be as sentimental. They torture the owner of the cafe by playing the new song that they've just written.

Sam 31:17

Yeah. In this universe, in this universe, they wrote all their own songs,

Emma 31:23

Uhhuh.

Sam 31:24

But also still haven't played a single live gig.

Emma 31:25

Yep. I hate this

Sam 31:29

Also Pregnant friend is there too,

Emma 31:30

of course,

Sam 31:31

but she isn't in the band for some reason that nobody ever explains. Yeah. The, these five best friends have formed a band. Yeah. And they've

Emma 31:39

not Their sixth best friend.

Sam 31:43

She wasn't even pregnant yet by then.

Emma 31:44

And you would, even if she was like a shit singer, you just Bez it and give her some maracas, wouldn't you?

Sam 31:50

Spice Bez. Bez Spice.

Emma 31:51

Bez Spice. That's what is missing. Bez Spice.

Sam 32:01

We get Viva Forever and we cut back to the present day and that cafe is now closed'cause they never paid for their fucking drinks. But the girls all reunite and and all

Emma 32:11

all They've all independently had the same thought.

Sam 32:13

Yes.

Emma 32:13

Because they're not well developed characters.

Sam 32:16

Emma, they're not well developed adults. We get a sort of dream sequence in which Stephen Fry plays a judge sentencing them to shit chart performance for making making a shit song.

Emma 32:27

Oh Yeah. And the, the joke here is, haha, posho Stephen Fry says a bunch of cool words, but a bit like a square. Yeah. Yeah. I hate that.

Sam 32:35

That's a judge joke trope.

Emma 32:37

Yeah. Yeah.

Sam 32:38

A popular beat combo, m'lud.

Emma 32:40

The girls have been sitting on a bench having a deep, meaningful, over a bag of chips, and then they decide gonna make Prego go out despite the fact that she's overdue having her baby.

Sam 32:49

overdue and they take her clubbing. The DJ's playing a dance remix of Who Do You Think You Are? Because that's also a thing that happened all the time in the nineties. And pregnant friend. What? She's not having a good time

Emma 33:01

She doesn't wanna go and dance, but the girls hit the floor and throw some shapes.

Sam 33:05

She starts having the baby to break the monotony of the shitty mix. They use the bus to take her to hospital. Meat Loaf gets another line. He gets to say,"let's hit the trail" like a good old Texan boy. Yeah. Um, and then after an awkward scene, they arrive at Darkplace Hospital.

Emma 33:21

Yeah.

Sam 33:24

The nurse is even noticeably overdubbed by a different actor.

Emma 33:27

Yeah.

Sam 33:28

Some Parents ask the girls to wake their kid out of a coma. They do so by discussing taking off their tops, and it's a miracle.

Emma 33:34

Ha ha ha ha ha. There's a bit where we cut to Meat Loaf'cause the birth's gonna take ages. We cut to him and he's sitting at the wheel of the bus and he's singing Mama to himself.

Sam 33:44

Oh. Do you know what? I missed that. Oh I think I might have had to step outside.

Emma 33:50

So the girls hang around at the hospital.

Sam 33:52

Yeah. So Richard E. Grant is getting annoyed that they're waiting for a baby instead of coming to the Albert Hall and fair play. It's not any of their babies. No, they're not. I don't know whose baby it is. One of the hospital nurses is about to clock off so that she can go see the Spice Girls show. She is the seventh worst actor in the film. Oh, and then she has the baby and Geri says,"now that is girl

Emma 34:16

power." And I threw up,

Sam 34:19

And then a chase sequence happens straight out of Darkplace

Emma 34:22

Because they're trying to catch the reporter.

Sam 34:24

Yeah. He comes in disguised as a doctor and I think he delivers the baby and then is revealed to be a paparazzo. Yeah.

Emma 34:30

Yeah.

Sam 34:30

Which is all sorts of violationy.

Emma 34:34

But by this point we're sort of careering towards the end of the film and it feels like everybody's just desperate to get it over with, which is what leads to the next bit.

Sam 34:44

And that is the Hollywood guys make another pitch, which is they pitch the end of this film, and I like this, and you don't.

Emma 34:51

I think because I just hate all of the film, so very, very much.

Sam 34:55

So they start pitching exactly what is happening to the girls. They pitch that the girls decide to come to the Albert Hall and save Richard E. Grant. And that happens. And they pitch that Victoria takes over the bus.'cause Meat Loaf's having a nap on some grass. Yeah. It's car chase, and they have to drive over Tower Bridge in a stupid stop motion animation.

Emma 35:12

I

Sam 35:13

that. was lovely.

Emma 35:13

I did like that.

Sam 35:16

It's a very, very cheap model.

Emma 35:18

There's also some nuns. Which is a legal requirement for any British car chase.

Sam 35:24

And just when they're safe, they discover the bomb. And they find a bomb. And then they get to the Albert Hall and they're rushing up the steps.

Emma 35:31

And the police stop them

Sam 35:33

The police stop them. The police stop them for all the driving crimes they've just done.

Emma 35:35

I've just written here, Baby Spice Baby Spices at them and they get off with it.

Sam 35:41

said they use Emma's youthfulness to do a girlish apology and get let off, which is definitely feminist af, honest guv. then they do the show and it's over.

Emma 35:50

We get to go back and lead our lives again.

Sam 35:53

But after the film ends, oh we have a little meta credit scene. Beating Marvel by 15 So Alan Cumming moans about not being allowed to do it in his Scottish accent, which is fair'cause he had to do Richard E Grant's Grant's voice. Yes. stupid. And then the girls start talking to the audience down the camera being like oh, I like your dress.

Emma 36:16

Makes me want to die.

Sam 36:19

Okay.

Emma 36:20

I hated it. I hated it.

Sam 36:21

And then, oh, what happened to the bomb at the end of the bus? We forgot about that. Bang,

Emma 36:24

Bang,

Sam 36:25

Offscreen bang. End of film. Seems like you had less fun than me watching this.

Emma 36:32

I never enjoyed the Spice Girls output. Wasn't really for me, despite being exactly the right age for it. And that has stayed with me throughout my life. It just, it never fit for me. The girls that were into it were so into it, that any other opinion was flattened. it wasn't a happy time for me when this was happening. I'm,

Sam 36:57

I'm picking up what you're putting down there.

Emma 36:59

that, just not my kind of

Sam 37:02

No, yeah, it's fine. I enjoyed it as a time capsule. I had forgotten so much about what Britain was like in the late nineties and a lot of stuff came flooding back and that was lovely. That nice.

Emma 37:13

There, was a nice sort of nostalgia Yeah. there.

Sam 37:16

Wouldn't say this was a good film. But it was a fun experience for me.

Emma 37:20

I'm glad I don't have to watch it again. There were bits of it that I found quite amusing as concept, Yeah. was also laughing at how fucking stupid I think it is.

Sam 37:31

Yeah, it had a couple of good bits in it, it was a real hit and miss sketch show with mostly misses. mostly but we're here to talk about Meat Loaf. You remember that guy?

Emma 37:43

Oh, him.

Sam 37:43

Yeah. So, sixth worst actor in he phoned it in. Yeah. Big time. This is from an interview, that he did when he was promoting a Best Of, in 1998. He had a meeting with the head of Virgin Records who was Paul Conroy. And Paul Conroy just mentions in passing that he was working on the Spice Girls movie. And Meat Loaf starts saying,"oh, they're doing Spice World. And you didn't put me in it." I was winding him up and he goes,"oh, well I'll probably get you in the film". And I said,"well, I'll be here all afternoon. I'm waiting."

Emma 38:11

Oh my God.

Sam 38:12

And hours later, Paul rings back and makes the offer and he says,"Paul, I'm kidding. It's okay. No, it's fine. I've gotta go to Germany." And Paul says, no, no, they really want you to do the film." And I'm going, Paul, no, I don't need to do the film." Well, anyway, I ended up doing this spice World for three days and I did whatever I did with them, But he had met Mel B previously. And Meat says"I'd borrowed five pounds for cigar. So the first thing she asked when I showed up on set was, you have my five pounds?' And I said,'do you have change for a 20?' I still owe her five pounds.

Emma 38:51

Just

Sam 38:51

remember, if anyone wants money, ask them if they have change for a 20."

Emma 38:58

What a tighwad. I'm just thinking back to the time that he was in the, uh, the dismal casino bit of a service station.

Sam 39:13

Oh Yeah. Yeah. He played, with somebody else's just leaned over and did it. But he did the whole film out of awkwardness.

Emma 39:22

Incredible. So I found the trailer on YouTube. And because it's on YouTube underneath it, people have opinions. Most of these were quite positive and, you know, joyful about the, the Spice Girls, and I don't want to

Sam 39:39

yuck anyone's yum

Emma 39:42

so, I just picked out, the two comment streams that amused me the most to share with you. Nerdy Gamer Guy said,"growing up in the nineties, every single girl was into this group. Not kidding." But Brian Jay replied to this"and every single guy was shooting so many loads over them. I know I sure was." Fancy admitting that on the internet.

Sam 40:06

Have you seen what people admit internet?

Emma 40:08

Well. And then, KST Traveler said,"I still don't understand how this movie didn't win. Oscars."

Sam 40:18

Uh, I've got a few theories. Emma, this is now our new tradition on Film Club. Last time we talked about Ghost Wars.

Emma 40:28

Yeah.

Sam 40:29

And we both pitched sequels to that.

Emma 40:31

We did.

Sam 40:32

So. Do you have a sequel to Spice World that you'd like to pitch?

Emma 40:36

I do. Just calling it Spice World Two, because why the fuck should I bother trying to think of a, title. They didn't. More or less the same film, but instead of playing at the Royal Albert Hall, it's that time they did the Olympics closing ceremony. And it was all a bit shit and disappointing after what had been a genuinely life-affirming games and an incredible and moving opening ceremony. Perhaps they get involved with the games. Ginger does some swimming, Scary does some cycling. Baby does some gymnastics, and Posh wins the hundred meters running in heels. Sporty, hilariously can't compete in anything because of a broken leg achieved in some amusing way that I can't be asked to come up. Richard E Grant is still there being hammy and annoying. Richard O'Brien wants revenge, so keeps trying to pap them with upskirt shots, but gets his face stomped in with platform trainers. Something like that.

Sam 41:30

Okay, well that sounds pretty good. My pitch is a bit longer.

Emma 41:33

Okie dokie.

Sam 41:34

I'm pitching Spice World Two: Spice Blend.

Emma 41:38

So

Sam 41:39

The big question that was hanging over Spice World one was, who's the daddy? We never heard anything about the father of Pregnant Friend's child. So flashback, the girls are just starting to go big. They're recording their first single, all that stuff. Nicola, the non-band member, she feels very left out. So everyone agrees that the best way to include her in all their lives is to combine all of their DNA in a lab and implant the resulting embryo into Nicola's womb.

Emma 42:07

Of course. Of course, this is where you went.

Sam 42:10

The child who grows up to be called Vicemmelgerimeltoria...

Emma 42:16

god

Sam 42:17

...grows up to be an incredible singer and dancer, but just isn't happy. Who am I? She asks, where do I come from? When I fill out a passport application form? How do I enter the details of six parents when the form only has room for two? She needs a passport because she's got through to the World Girl Band Championship finals in Miami. Nobody can agree two of the six parents should get on the passport form and they all fall out. Vicemmel... Vicemmelgerimeltoria goes to find the mad scientist who did the DNA merge work out what to do. The scientist, played by Tim Curry, is a real crazy dude and he sets everyone some sort of bullshit task. You know, like happens in these films. Everyone goes through minor hardships like getting rained on or covered in mud, and they all sing some sort of song about it. Eventually the task brings'em all together and they remembered why they loved each other in the first place. They go back to Tim Curry with whatever it was he asked them to bring, only for him to reveal that was all a ruse. While they were off on the bullshit quest, he was hacking into the Home Office database and changing the passport application form so that you can add as many parents names as you like. Vicemmelgerimeltoria gets her passport and flies to the competition. Meat Loaf is the pilot of the plane.

Emma 43:34

Oh, good call.

Sam 43:35

She asks him to help her queue jump at immigration, and he says,"I love all six of your parents, but I won't do that". And everyone laughs. The competition happens and she gets through to the Grand Final. It's just her versus Kishellené, a hideous genetic amalgamation of Destiny's Child's final lineup. But her costume has been sabotaged. To buy time, Meat Loaf drive through a wall on a motorbike and sings a song that goes"hot patootie, bless my hands. My life was saved by era defining right place, right time, manufactured girl pop bands" and everyone laughs. Vicemmelgerimeltoria is about to win with the final goal of the championship when she realizes that this shouldn't be a competition and girl power is universal. Everyone hugs and agrees to share the trophy, then the bomb on the plane

Emma 44:26

Very good.

Sam 44:26

Thanks. Well

Emma 44:28

I mean, horrific. but also least there's a plot. Yeah.

Sam 44:33

That's big, big money for me, that.

Emma 44:36

Good.

Sam 44:38

Anything else you'd like to say on Spice World, Emma?

Emma 44:40

Should we rate it?

Sam 44:41

Well, it's interesting you ask that because, while I was researching the extras on the DVD, if you press left, left, up, up, left, left, there's like a hidden screen on the DVD menu and if you do that, it takes you to the hidden rating screen on the DVD.

Emma 44:59

Amazing.

Sam 45:00

Yeah. And, and it gave me three choices of Bob Spears. Bob, This Film Could Be Enjoyable Tosh After a Couple of Beers, or Bob, I'd Rather Cut Off My Own Ears. Emma, what's this to you?

Emma 45:12

Uh, I'm happy to lose my ears on this one.

Sam 45:17

I find it inoffensive. It could be enjoyable to after a couple of beers if you watched it once every, let's say 40 years. So I

Emma 45:28

So you watching it again when you're 80. I've seen, I've much worse films than this for film club.

Sam 45:36

I'm going with the midpoint. I'm very happy for this to be a split vote.

Emma 45:38

I think it's gonna be a split vote'cause I'm sticking to my guns here. This is terrible shit.

Sam 45:43

This is a Bob This Film Could Be Enjoyable Tosh After a Couple of Beers slash Bob, I'd Rather Cut Off My Own Ears. Yes. But Emma, what other film did we watch?

Emma 45:55

We did watch Wayne's World from 1992.

Sam 45:59

Wayne's World?

Emma 46:00

Wayne's World.

Sam 46:01

Party Time

Emma 46:03

Party on Wayne. sorry. Sorry. I'm, can we, can we do that again so I

Sam 46:10

no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna use this take, Yeah. We watched Wayne's World from 1992 based of course on the Saturday Night Live sketch. Do you wanna redo it? Okay. You can say excellent, and I'll clip it

Emma 46:25

Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent, excellent, It no longer means anything.

Sam 46:35

Yeah. really want to use the last three minutes exactly as it was.

Emma 46:38

I thought you might, I hate you so much.

Sam 46:43

It's based on the long running Saturday Night Live

Emma 46:46

Mm-hmm.

Sam 46:47

It stars Michael Myers. No, it doesn't. He's the murderer. It

Emma 46:51

That's Mike Myers

Sam 46:52

and the other one.

Emma 46:53

Dana

Sam 46:54

Yeah.

Emma 46:55

As Wayne and Garth.

Sam 46:57

As Wayne and Garth. Two slackers.

Emma 47:00

Yeah.

Sam 47:00

With a public access TV show.

Emma 47:02

Now, the public access TV thing.

Sam 47:04

Yeah.

Emma 47:05

It's a common trope in US TV film and I always felt a bit jealous that we didn't have an equivalent over here.

Sam 47:14

Can you imagine?

Emma 47:15

But as a,

Sam 47:16

I always felt really superior about not having it.

Emma 47:18

because as a horrible, precocious media wanker

Sam 47:22

Yeah.

Emma 47:23

I'd have loved to have had a go at that.

Sam 47:26

I know. And I, that's why I was always really glad that

Emma 47:32

Because wouldn't you have liked to have had a go at that?

Sam 47:34

But I shouldn't have been allowed to. Television is for professionals, Emma.

Emma 47:41

I feel like it would've been a fun opportunity to have had.

Sam 47:47

Yeah. But nobody should have had to see that.

Emma 47:48

Oh. If I'd have done it and then had to look back on it as an adult who I am now Yeah. Then, uh, Then, uh, it would be excruciating and I'd want to die.

Sam 47:57

Having seen it the reason, well how, how big a lecture would you like on broadcast it's to do with cable Yeah. So largely it's because American TV distribution is more cable based but also, uh, you are right, Maisie. This is boring. The British media market is very different and, some would say better.

Emma 48:19

right?

Sam 48:21

Better. I guess what we're doing now is a form of public access broadcasting, isn't it?

Emma 48:27

This is entirely what podcasting is. Unregulated dog shit.

Sam 48:34

An ad for an arcade. Noah's arcade. Ooh, that's a pun. Rob Lowe playing a man called Benjamin, hereby Rob Lowe, is in bed watching TV with his girlfriend. They watch stupid ads until they land on Wayne's World.

Emma 48:47

She's really into

Sam 48:48

She's really into it. Rob Lowe is baffled by people enjoying it, but spots a money making

Emma 48:53

Mm-hmm.

Sam 48:54

After confirming that some people like them, Rob turns the telly off and gets off with his girl.

Emma 48:59

It's nineties in a different way to Spice it? It's American Nineties. Yeah. sexier,

Sam 49:07

Say what you like about the Spice Girls. There was genuine sort of girl power going on and that

Emma 49:15

Yeah. In Wayne's World, there is no girl power. No.

Sam 49:21

two films treat female musicians very differently.

Emma 49:25

they do. Um, so yeah, Rob Lowe gets off with his girl and then, on the show, Wayne does a not joke, provides vocab for all nineties children to last the next five years. Yeah.

Sam 49:36

I guess this is how kids in the future will look back on six, seven or whatever.

Emma 49:41

I do not understand.

Sam 49:43

We'll move on from, I don't know what six, seven but my, the point is, you

Emma 49:47

don't don't write in and tell us. We don't care.

Sam 49:49

I am baffled by the idea that I ever, even as a young stupid child, thought that saying a thing and then adding not on the end was very funny.

Emma 49:57

But we all did it.

Sam 49:58

Yes, we did. Um, then we get the Bohemian Rhapsody bit.

Emma 50:02

Yeah.

Sam 50:02

Which is a good bit.

Emma 50:03

A very good bit. If you haven't done that as a driver in a car, then you, you know, dragged test Yeah. If you don't say you love Bohemian Rhapsody, then are you even alive? It's such a good Everybody knows the words. And it's just a, it's so good. good. It's such a good song to sing along to when you're a bit pissed.

Sam 50:23

Yeah. Which you aren't when you're driving a car.

Emma 50:25

No, no, of course not.

Sam 50:27

forgotten until this rewatch that they use the song to help their hungover mate recover from his hangover.

Emma 50:34

Yeah. The friend with a perpetual hangover. Yeah.

Sam 50:35

They pile him into the car and he's feeling awful until they get to the right bit and then he's head banging with the rest of them.

Emma 50:42

It's the power of good music. It certainly is Wayne makes Garth pull over, so he and ogle a guitar in the guitar shop window. And then they go to a diner. They do some bantz with a cop. That cop's a bit unnecessary, I'm assuming he must have been in the original sketch. Just pull up with the coff and do a bit of I smell bacon lols Yeah.

Sam 51:01

And he doesn't say get fucked you little shit. Yeah. He's very, uh, very He's very on board with, with these little punks. Yeah. Which is actually quite a fun relationship for cops to have with punk kids in film. That's quite rare. Uh, and then the diner manager is always monologuing about doing

Emma 51:18

Yeah. Yeah. I, I really like that.

Sam 51:21

He takes over the narration at times.

Emma 51:23

And he gets told off for breaking the fourth wall. Yeah. because it's only for Wayne.

Sam 51:27

We meet two of the three women in this one of whom gets lines. So we have the hot girl who works at the diner that Garth fancies. Yeah. And every time he sees her, she's in the sort of, you know, hair in weaver music. Yes. Yeah. Uh, so Garth's totally head over heels and doesn't know what to do around her. Yeah. Then Wayne's got this ex-girlfriend Stacey who,

Emma 51:49

Well, she's basically the stereotype crazy ex-girlfriend. Yeah. I dislike this. the film wouldn't be any different if she wasn't in it.

Sam 51:59

No.

Emma 51:59

It's unnecessary and cruel. And

Sam 52:01

again, possibly she originates in the sketch show in a different way. Yeah. But the character of Wayne as a whole has some real problems with women.

Emma 52:10

Yeah. it shows its age, I think. this this film. Um,'cause it's not done in any kind of,

Sam 52:18

it's not ironic.

Emma 52:19

It's not No. it's no irony irony to,

Sam 52:20

are supposed to, I say we men are supposed to look at Wayne and go, yeah, yeah. You would be a bit like that. If, skipping ahead, if your girlfriend got an amazing job opportunity but the guy fancied her, you would be like, no, fuck you forever.

Emma 52:33

Huh.

Sam 52:34

But there is a good bit'cause Garth shoves a straw in a donut and drinks the jam out of it, brilliant.

Emma 52:40

And I kind of wanna have a go.

Sam 52:44

No, I haven't, but I did mean to buy some donuts earlier today, so we could try.

Emma 52:50

That would've been amazing.

Sam 52:52

But then we go over to the Gasworks bar where we meet Meat Loaf

Emma 52:55

Yes.

Sam 52:56

So he's playing the bouncer on the bar. Why Yeah. He gets a couple of lines.

Emma 53:00

On the internet, when I looked at the trailer for this, people talked about Meat Loaf's bit in it. They were talking about how he had this amazing joke, this amazing line. That was an incredible joke in it. And I've got the transcript here. Meat Loaf plays a character called Tiny. Chuckle. Chuckle. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. Isn't it funny?'cause Meat Loaf's a big guy. He's called Tiny.

Sam 53:20

That's a joke that originates with Robin Hood.

Emma 53:22

Indeed. Yes. So Tiny says,"Wayne, how are you doing?" And Wayne says,"Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?" And Tiny says,"Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles". Wayne says,"Shitty Beatles. Are they any good?" And Tiny says"they suck". And Wayne says,"then it's not just a clever name."

Sam 53:43

Right. That was a joke. That was a joke.

Emma 53:46

That, was a joke.

Sam 53:47

thought that was just sort of scene setting.

Emma 53:49

No, no, no. The,

Sam 53:50

the Shitty I I thought that the, the only, that's the sum total of Meat Loaf's Yeah. Oh yeah. No, no.'cause he also says party on.

Emma 53:56

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry. You're right.

Sam 53:57

The joke that there is a band called the Shitty Beatles. That's a good joke. Yes.

Emma 54:02

That's a good band to go any further than that.

Sam 54:05

They go in and start to go see the bands, the band on stage are called Crucial Taunt, and their singer is called Cassandra. And Wayne falls in love with From the off, he's quite off-putting. So there's a fight in the crowd and someone spills beer on Cassandra and she beats everybody up.

Emma 54:20

Yeah.

Sam 54:21

Yeah. Uh, it's worth mentioning at this point she is Chinese. Yes. And he comes up to her and says, oh, everybody was kung fu fighting.

Emma 54:28

And that would be enough to earn him a kick in the balls,

Sam 54:30

And that's an absolute chewing on your fist moment. Yeah. Which she doesn't like, but then later on she's fine with him again. Yeah. oh.

Emma 54:39

she's, not a very well written or rounded character.

Sam 54:43

What

Emma 54:44

I know

Sam 54:45

what

Emma 54:45

I know. I'm sorry. I mean, the rest of them are obviously.

Sam 54:50

There's Wayne, there's Garth, there's, I Love You

Emma 54:53

Yeah.

Sam 54:53

There's Hangover guy. What else do you want, Emma? And then there's the three kinds of women, crazy Silent.

Emma 55:03

Silent. and the one you're gonna bang.

Sam 55:07

The plot starts to happen. So Rob Lowe, who is a, an evil TV executive, he wants to, buy the Rights to Wayne and Garth's show so that he can then sell it to the evil arcade owner for advertising space. Yeah.

Emma 55:20

All about sponsorship Yes. And getting him space on

Sam 55:24

Yes. Which is another stupidly weird thing about the American media market because we have sponsored TV here, but they have no say whatsoever in the content of the, programming. It's insane to us that a man who sponsors your program gets to come on it and talk about his arcade once a week, which is what Rob Lowe wants to happen. Character actor, Kurt Fuller plays Rob Lowe's assistant

Emma 55:44

Act,

Sam 55:45

Russell, who is the TV producer. His arc is that he slowly switches over to Wayne's side throughout the film, then having met Cassandra once, Wayne yeah When starts learning Cantonese on tape it's a bit much, isn't it?

Emma 55:58

It's a lot much.

Sam 55:59

We go next to Rob Lowe and Russell going to see Wayne and Garth to talk about buying the show. And they walk in during a bit while Wayne and Garth are talking about how much of an erection they have for Claudia Schiffer. Which isn't even much of a paraphrase.

Emma 56:13

No. It's, it was really uncomfortable to watch that. And again, this was early nineties culture. And it hasn't aged very well at all.

Sam 56:23

yeah, a surprisingly long bit as well.

Emma 56:26

It's a very long bit like we got the joke. Very quickly, but then they do it a few more times just to make sure you know, we are talking about our penises. swing.

Sam 56:36

Ultimately Rob Lowe gets them to sign up to joining his big TV station and they get read the contract properly. But Garth does look down the camera and says, yes, we're doing that that trope. Yeah. Wayne talks to Casandra on the roof and demonstrates his Cantonese, which she somehow doesn't find creepy and weird. Uh, she's well into it. There is a

Emma 56:56

a

Sam 56:57

joke that he's learned an entire vocabulary of Cantonese off that one tape. Yes. And he can hold up a whole, very complicated conversation. Yes. There's a lot of back and forth about, oh, Wayne's not gonna want the sponsor to talk on the show, but he's gotta talk on the show. But he's gonna do, but we don't want him to, but he's gonna, uh, that happens over about 10 different scenes Yeah.

Emma 57:18

Of

Sam 57:18

different people talking to different combinations of other people about how this is gonna happen. But Wayne isn't gonna want it to happen. Hammers the point home quite aggressively. Yep. Rob Lowe Does the, uh, the bit about sparkling white wine slash champagne, That is a meme. I'd forgotten it was from this.

Emma 57:35

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's all, all the way back

Sam 57:37

yeah. It's nice that Rob Lowe lives in the apartment from American Psycho. Just to, just to reinforce

Emma 57:42

He's the,

Sam 57:43

he's the baddie. And then this awful bit, so Cassandra, Garth Wayne, and Rob Lowe are all in the apartment. Garth comes inside to explain down the camera that Rob Lowe must be a baddie. Yeah.'cause he's rich enough to live in a babe lair. And then he goes through his cupboards and find condoms that are ribbed for her pleasure. And says, Ugh.

Emma 58:05

Yeah.

Sam 58:07

Imagine women getting sexual pleasure. Oh, that's

Emma 58:10

Imagine. Ugh.

Sam 58:13

And then he gives Wayne and Garth tickets to the Alice Cooper concert in Milwaukee to get them out the way so he can hit on uh, Cassandra there's that good bit. the Alice Cooper gig

Emma 58:26

We're not worthy?

Sam 58:27

No, I don't like the we are not worthy bit. That's a bit overhammed, Yeah. Cooper, sits down and gives them a lecture on the history of Milwaukee.

Emma 58:34

Yes. That's really funny. I did like that.

Sam 58:39

Then we get back to the actual, big TV station version of Wayne's World. Yeah. And obviously basement recreated in the Yeah. And they've got an announcer and they've got proper jingles now instead of just singing it and they're all Oh, confused. So they act like tossers.

Emma 58:54

Yeah.

Sam 58:55

And Wayne does that bit where he's written, this guy's a bell end or whatever on the back of the cue cards but

Emma 59:01

He

Sam 59:01

gets fired'cause Rob Lowe owns the show now. You get the classic end of the second act bit where everybody's mad at each other. Yeah. Yeah. Just like the Spice Girls. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody's mad at each other. And then they all go make up.

Emma 59:15

very, very quickly again.

Sam 59:16

And they agree a plan, which is that they're gonna redirect the big record company exec's limo to Wayne's house. Yeah. Where they'll do one last show and Cassandra will have a gig and the big record company exec will sign her up on the spot. I, we get the awkward video shoot with Cassandra, where Wayne

Emma 59:33

God. With a snake.

Sam 59:35

Yeah. But then Wayne comes along and acts paranoid and controlling that oh, you two must be shagging. This can't be a real, oh, this is a fake film set. Oh, oh, this camera's full of film. There's no Oh, oh, the band and the, yeah. And then Cassandra only goes home with Wayne because Rob Lowe acts like an even bigger twat.

Emma 59:55

If Cassandra had any autonomy, which she doesn't, no. She'd have sacked them both off. And just cracked on with her musical career. But that's not to be, is it because, she only exists in the minds of men!

Sam 1:00:11

Well, almost literally, because the plan initially fails, but then Wayne and Garth look down the camera and go, whoa, that ending's no good. Let's do another ending.

Emma 1:00:20

then they do the wobbly lines.

Sam 1:00:22

thing. thing. Woo.

Emma 1:00:24

So then they do, two more endings, isn't it?

Sam 1:00:27

There is two more endings. One is the Scooby Doo ending. Yeah. Where they pull off Rob Lowe's mask and reveal he's old Mr. Withers, the amusement park owner. And then there's the mega happy ending I think they called it. Yeah. Where she gets signed to a six al a six album deal. Yeah. And everybody loves each other. And Rob Lowe no longer loves money. Yeah. And then also do a meta commentary over the credits.

Emma 1:00:50

End of film.

Sam 1:00:51

End of film.

Emma 1:00:53

I know.

Sam 1:00:53

What did you think of the film Wayne's World, Emma?

Emma 1:00:55

It's not aged well. It's still fun in places. There's, lots of good jokes in it, but I think the attitudes towards women Yeah. Make it quite a difficult watch for me as quite an angry woman at the moment.

Sam 1:01:10

I'd just like to clarify that by, at the moment, Emma means since we start doing this podcast two years ago.

Emma 1:01:16

Prior to that I was fine.

Sam 1:01:17

Prior to that, I agree. Um, there, there is still lots to like in it, but ultimately the main character who is intended to be a sort of sympathetic everyman is this controlling, paranoid, uh, public information film of a warning.

Emma 1:01:33

There are a lot of red

Sam 1:01:36

Yeah. I refreshed myself on the plot to the sequel in which the plot hinges around Wayne being a controlling, paranoid dickhead to and ruining her career. Yeah, Oh, he's done it again. Yeah.

Emma 1:01:50

It wouldn't be made today and that's not a bad thing.

Sam 1:01:52

I think you could make it today. All it really needs is either Wayne,

Emma 1:01:58

If it it was made today with some proper modern sensibilities.

Sam 1:02:03

Well, yeah, because it's not. like. all you need is Garth to say, you are acting like an absolute cock. The character of Cassandra would have to have at least one more dimension.

Emma 1:02:14

Oh, please. And if the crazy ex could also be given dimensions.

Sam 1:02:20

How did we feel about Meat Loaf in this?

Emma 1:02:23

I mean, blink and you miss him?

Sam 1:02:24

I didn't realize it was him at first because

Emma 1:02:27

No.

Sam 1:02:27

was doing actual acting.

Emma 1:02:28

He acted fine the, the two and a half lines that he had. It's the shortest of the Meat Loaf appearances so far.

Sam 1:02:36

The director, Penelope Spheeris was mates with him.

Emma 1:02:40

Because she did a lot of like punk and metal documentaries, didn't she?

Sam 1:02:44

She did, Yeah. This was her first feature film?

Emma 1:02:47

They wanted her specifically because of that background

Sam 1:02:49

Yeah. Meat Loaf and I were friends long before that movie. We used to hang out together on Sunset Strip, go to clubs, get drunk together and have a good time. When I shot that scene with him, he was very familiar to me and we had a good time. It was only one day of shooting."I needed a little special cameo right there, and I thought of Meat Loaf because we used to stand at the doors of clubs trying to get in and deal with the bouncers. So his character, Tiny, was a version of those guys."

Emma 1:03:12

Aw,

Sam 1:03:13

Aw, Yeah.

Emma 1:03:16

Aw,

Sam 1:03:17

So when you do your modern version of Wayne's World, please cast me as the bouncer.

Emma 1:03:23

You do give bouncer vibes.

Sam 1:03:26

if your name's not on the list. I'm really sorry. I'll, I'll just gimme a pen and I'll, Roger Ebert gave it three stars out of four. What's the four star system? Did we just evolve a fifth star at some point in the late nineties?

Emma 1:03:41

we grew a fifth star.

Sam 1:03:42

Roger Ebert said, I"walked into Wayne's World expecting a lot of dumb vulgar comedy, and I got plenty, but I also found what I didn't expect, a genuinely amusing, sometimes even intelligent undercurrent."

Emma 1:03:54

Okay.

Sam 1:03:55

Did you, did you find that?

Emma 1:03:58

It was amusing. Dunno if you could describe it as intelligent.

Sam 1:04:03

I think this is probably more your speed then. The Washington Post said that"making a movie out of such a teeny sketch is better than you expect."

Emma 1:04:10

Yeah.

Sam 1:04:11

Other than the Blues Brothers, it is by far the best SNL spinoff movie.

Emma 1:04:15

yeah.

Sam 1:04:17

Conehead is dog shit. Washington Post went on to say, uh, they criticized the finale as a despair driven inability to end the movie. And speaking of despair driven inabilities. Emma, shall we end this discussion of Wayne's World

Emma 1:04:33

with Yeah.

Sam 1:04:35

I sent a telegram off to Penelope Spheeris, because she's off grid now. So the telegram boy took a while to arrive. And then I guess he came back again with the reply. This is her official rating system. Honest gov is this, Penelope Spheeris. Penelope Hereis an Adequate Film or Penelope Nearest Thing to Torture. it. It's, it's the middle one, isn't middle. It is Penelope Harrises an adequate film

Emma 1:05:06

is an adequate

Sam 1:05:08

and that ends Christmas Film Club. And just like at the end of a real Christmas, we're both emotionally wrung out and need a day of sitting, staring at nothing.

Emma 1:05:19

And ready to go home. We've both devolved back into our teenage selves. Having a bit of a strop.

Sam 1:05:29

Your mum said that maybe you need to calm down, and that's just made you even more annoyed.

Emma 1:05:34

You just had too much sugar, love. Calm it down.

Sam 1:05:38

As previously mentioned, we will be back in just a few days on Christmas Day with our lovely Christmas special, which we are really excited to bring you. This was a load of old horse nonsense that's gonna take me quite a lot of editing to get down to a listenable podcast. But the other one

Emma 1:05:58

properly

Sam 1:05:58

is properly is properly, exciting. We're really looking forward to what you guys think of it. So please do listen out on Christmas Day. Oh,. What did you think of Wayne's World and Spice World? Did you enjoy them? Do you agree with our ratings a third option? Let know. chatoutofhell@gmail.com thank you as ever for listening to film club. If you did. That one third of the audience who don't, they're the real jerks. They're the real Waynes. But we'll see you all hopefully on Christmas Day for the lovely Christmas special. Bye

Emma 1:06:34

Bye.

Sam 1:06:35

now. Now, now.

Emma 1:06:38

ding.