Chat out of Hell

SPECIAL FILM CLUB #5 -SPICE WORLD | WAYNE'S WORLD

• Emma Crossland & Sam Wilkinson

Share episode

Ho ho ho! Time for a most festive Film Club!

We'll be diving into Meat Loaf's worldliest of movies as we take a look at Spice World then realise we've talked for a normal length episode but still have to cover Wayne's World. Truly, our labours never cease.

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL THE FESTIVE CHAT! Come back on Christmas Day for a very special episode indeed, we're super excited to release it.

AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH we'll be back on January 12th for series six! Be there or don't. Up to you.

Keep your comments, reviews and arguments flying in to chatoutofhell@gmail.com

Chat out of Hell is a is a review podcast: all music extracts are used for review/illustrative purposes. To hear the songs in full please buy them from your local record shop or streaming platform. Don't do a piracy.


Send us a text

Sam:

What is this?

Emma:

This is Chat Out of Hell Film Club where we torture ourselves by watching the dubious films and TV shows that Meat Loaf or on occasion Jim Steinman had involvement with. So you don't have to.

Sam:

Who was Meat Loaf?

Emma:

Meat Loaf was the man that stepped in and saved the day when Frank Bruno dropped out of playing the bus driver in Spice World.

Sam:

ruined one of my Spice World facts there.

Emma:

Sorry.

Sam:

It's all right.

Emma:

Who's Jim Steinman?

Sam:

Jim Steinman was an American composer and musician who was the Wayne to Meat Loaf's Garth.

Emma:

Who are we?

Sam:

We are Sam Wilkinson and Emma Crossland. Or to give us our Spice Girl names Belligerent Spice, and Why Do Men Always Have to Get Involved in Everything Spice. Welcome to Chat Out of Hell. Film Club Bow. Now. Now, now.

Emma:

Ding. I like that.

Sam:

was alright, innit

Emma:

It was good. Well done.

Sam:

Yeah, but who's who?

Emma:

Well, we may never know. But also we're both, both of them.

Sam:

Well someone's feeling belligerent

Emma:

Always.

Sam:

You alright?

Emma:

Yeah, how are you?

Sam:

I'm all right. We are very excited to be here with our special festive Film Club.

Emma:

Yes.

Sam:

Yes. And before we go on with Film Club,'cause I know a lot of people don't actually listen to Film Club, we do get a bit of a listener drop off, which is fine. You don't have to stick around, but before you hang up. Our Christmas special is coming out in a couple of days on Christmas Day, and we promise it is something you do want to listen to.

Emma:

It's it's so good.

Sam:

We, we are really excited about it. We've been buzzing for weeks.

Emma:

Yeah, I can't wait to release it.

Sam:

Honestly. There are anecdotes that I will dine out off in that episode.

Emma:

Yep.

Sam:

If you don't care about Film Club at all, that's fine. See you soon. But please do listen to the lovely Christmas special, And if you do care about Film Club.

Emma:

Hello.

Sam:

Welcome to Film Club. So Emma, what films have we brought this week?

Emma:

This time we are hosting a war of some worlds'cause we are bringing Spice World and Wayne's World.

Sam:

Meat Loaf appeared in both Spice World and Wayne's World. Which are sort of knock about silly fun films.

Emma:

Yeah. That's one way of describing them.

Sam:

Well that's why we chose them for this our Christmas film club. They're the sort of films you might watch in the lull between Christmas and New Year.

Emma:

When you've got literally nothing else to do.

Sam:

When you can't reach the remote'cause you've eaten too much chocolate.

Emma:

Fine. We'll watch it then.

Sam:

Yeah, Emma, I suspect will have a lower opinion of these films than me.

Emma:

What? With me being Belligerent Spice.

Sam:

Oh no, I'm Pollyanna Spice aren't I? Come on girls. It might be alright."

Emma:

It's not.

Sam:

Okay. So are we gonna start with the Spice World movie?

Emma:

I think we should start with Spice World.

Sam:

Okay. So listeners, if you want to go away and watch Spice World, good luck finding it.

Emma:

Yeah. It's not on any streaming

Sam:

services. I had to buy A DVD off eBay for 14 pound, four 14 pounds. 14 pounds. Do you know how many copies of Wayne's World have got for that?

Emma:

14.

Sam:

14. So good luck finding it, if you do wanna watch it. If you also wanna watch it. Um, good luck watching it. See you on the other side. We're gonna dive right in now. Emma, what is Spice World?

Emma:

A Spice World is a film of sorts, created for the Spice Girls as a promotional,

Sam:

as a vehicle. As a moneymaking exercise in itself. So the year is 1997. The Spice Girls only released their first album one year ago Mm. and they're already,

Emma:

They are, they went stratospheric immediately.

Sam:

Yeah. Like this is a, a genuine phenomenon. And now they get a whole movie. Did you see on the opening credits, this movie was written by Kim Fuller, based on an idea by the Spice Girls and Kim Fuller.

Emma:

Yes.

Sam:

I wonder what the idea was because this is an absolute mishmash of a film.

Emma:

There's so many different thoughts gone into it. None of them coherent.

Sam:

Yeah. Potentially six thoughts have gone into it. The version that I watched, which I think is the same version that you watched, opened before we even get into it, with a warning that the film has been reformatted for home viewing.

Emma:

Yep.

Sam:

And then I had to watch a DV a DVD that was released in 2007 in four by three,

Emma:

Which is, it should be a criminal offence.

Sam:

And before we even get out, I need to do an anecdote about four by three. I am really sorry, people who don't give a shit about aspect ratios. But when Kat and when Kat and I were first dating, um, this was maybe date five, something like that, we went to see an American Werewolf in London at the Leeds Film Festival at the le at the film festival. And they showed it not in four by three, but in four by three stretched out to 16:9. No,

Emma:

No,

Sam:

I was fuming. Oh. And Kat did not give a shit.

Emma:

I'm an aspect ratio girl, it, and so I, I, I care.

Sam:

it hurt me so much, Emma.

Emma:

It's just wrong.

Sam:

She found it quite off putting, it was still a very new relationship to find out.

Emma:

Yeah. That's something that you should hide

Sam:

But I couldn't hide it because it was a, it was a film festival.

Emma:

Oh, I, I, I'm with you. I'm with you a percent. But those sorts of weird personality quirks are things that you hide for at least a a little while. Like my husband and his, many, many photographs of trains. Didn't find out about those for a bit.

Sam:

Five dates?

Emma:

More than five dates. Um, I'm not really sure. But it was, certainly once he'd bedded himself

Sam:

was it like, um, you, was it like a little parasite? Was it like you stayed over for the night and you went to maybe open a cupboard to get something and hundreds of train photographs fell out?

Emma:

I wish it would've been as amusing as that. He used to come and visit me at lunchtimes when I was unemployed, and so he'd come over at lunch and we'd have lunch together. It was really nice. But he'd bring, like, his post with him and I caught him opening the post where he was receiving one of these pictures of trains. Honestly, I think I'd have preferred it if he was receiving pornography.

Sam:

I was gonna ask did it come in the plain brown packaging. So there we go. That's our first, uh, our first meander off the topic. Listeners, do you have something off putting that you revealed to a partner to soon? Let us know, chatoutofhell@gmail.com. Let's get back to Spice World, Emma. so we open with like a Bond movie style

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

My comment on that was cheap ass Bond style opening credits. My comment is a Bond movie style opening where the girls do dancing like Bond girls do, but their faces aren't sure whether to be serious or not. There's a lot of that kind of almost gurning throughout the movie. Corpsing all the way through. There are some great actors in this film. The five leads ain't them. Yep.

Emma:

Yep.

Sam:

So the opening song is Love Is which is the one that goes"too much of something" over the Bond movie titles and then they're singing it on Top of the Pops. Yeah. Which was, for foreigners and young people, the leading music TV program of the nineties

Emma:

Indeed.

Sam:

We're gonna get a lot of relics of the British nineties. I had such a great time spotting people and things in this film. I couldn't care less about the script, but I was like, oh, he's so young. Look at that. What's he doing there? Did you not enjoy that bit?

Emma:

There was a lot of 90s spotting, which, made it more tolerable.

Sam:

They sing the song on Top of the Pops. They leave, we meet our first incredible get. Richard E. Grant is playing their manager.

Emma:

And God, doesn't he do it badly?

Sam:

Does he?

Emma:

I assume it's because of the terrible writing, but it was hammy and borderline intolerable.

Sam:

Oh, but this is a film that demands ham.

Emma:

Maybe I was watching it in the wrong circumstances to enjoy the ham.

Sam:

Do you wanna hear why Richard E. Grant is in this movie?

Emma:

Go on.

Sam:

This is from, Huffington Post"at the time, the amount of very grand actors who said to me, how can you possibly be in Spice World the movie, you whore?" And I said, absolutely. Whore central. Delighted."

Emma:

I mean, it's a payday, isn't it?

Sam:

Well, he took the job because, uh,"my daughter was eight and she was completely possessed of them. She had those platform shoes, t-shirts, her hair was done like them. I'd never seen anyone so crazed apart from me and Barbara Streisand. And so I brought her back from school and she pressed the answering machine in my study, you know, pre-internet."And there was a message saying,'you have been offered the Spice World manager, Clifford in Spice World, in the movie'. And she just came through frothing hysterical, jumped up on me like a spider monkey, and she said,'dad, you have to do this so I can meet the Spice Girls.' So I did, and I had two terms worth at her school of being treated like a god." And then on the shoot he says, I just turned 40 and they were about half my age. And Scary Spice, Mel B pinched my bum on the first day and said, you're not bad for an old guy.'"

Emma:

Oh God. Oh.

Sam:

Oh, I think he loved it.

Emma:

Oh, probably.

Sam:

Yeah. I would love being in this film. You know, there are films that everyone's clearly having a great time in and it, they don't give a damn about the end product. Yeah. Yeah. This is one of This is, this is one of these. Yeah. So yeah, Richard E. Grant is their manager. We're in BBC Television Centre.

Emma:

are. Um, and suddenly, suddenly, Elton John appears for no reason at all.

Sam:

Yeah. And they say hello and slap his bum. Cameo over. And then we meet Alan Cumming.

Emma:

Oh, I hate this.

Sam:

Alan Cumming is playing. Richard E. Grant. Yeah. I enjoyed this so much.

Emma:

Alan Cumming is leading a documentary crew. For, again, no purpose throughout the story. They just crop up every now and then and kind of bumble about in an awkward fashion. It serves no purpose. And it did annoy me. At no point does he really interact with them, either. it's just him talking to camera and then filming them afar.

Sam:

Is this trying to say something about the nature of the press?

Emma:

No.

Sam:

Okay. Uh, they go outside, they're mobbed by the fans. They get on their tour bus,

Emma:

Which is impossible. The tour bus TARDIS.

Sam:

It is, it's much bigger on the inside than the outside..

Emma:

So much bigger on the inside. Each of the girls have got their own section is tailored to their, and I've written this in inverted commas, personality. So Baby Spice, or Emma Bunton, as her actual human woman name is, she has this swing to sit on and be a baby girl.

Sam:

Yeah.

Emma:

And, and a load of toys and shit like that. So they've all got these sort of themed areas.

Sam:

Uhhuh, uh, like a zoo.

Emma:

Like a zoo, yeah, like a woman zoo.

Sam:

They've all got their own chew toys and, um. A frozen pumpkin with meat inside. That tour bus that's bigger on the inside than the outside. Do you remember this happening in the CBBC show, No Sweat?

Emma:

I'm not sure if I remember No Sweat.

Sam:

That was about the boy band North and South.

Emma:

Oh, I sort of remember.

Sam:

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah nah, nah uh, No Sweat.

Emma:

I sort of remember little bit. Yeah.

Sam:

But that turned out to have come out after this. So some lazy lower tier manufactured pop group manager just went, I'll have that. Meat Loaf is the bus driver.

Emma:

That's the reason we've had to watch this.

Sam:

That's why we're here. He plays Dennis, the bus driver. He has some lines later on. He most of his lines are just"Yes, I will drive the bus."

Emma:

Yeah. Yeah.

Sam:

Um, occasionally no no. He does have a line which is worth comment on later on, but we'll get there

Emma:

The girls have a bit of an argument, don't they?

Sam:

Oh. Oh, okay.

Emma:

They have this silly argument about fuck knows what, and it turns into a pillow fight. Yeah. And all I've got written down here is did a teenage boy write this? So they have this like girly, um, pillow fight. But also, and I remember thinking this as a kid being introduced to the Spice Girls when they came out in the mid nineties. The Spice Girls seemed feral. They've got this sort of wild energy that I find jarring.

Sam:

It was girl power,

Emma:

Emma. Yeah. It was like the height of ladette culture as well.

Sam:

Yeah.

Emma:

seeped into the girl power

Sam:

thing. a bit of ladette. Yeah. But through a sort of safe for preteens filter.

Emma:

But they just seemed intolerable. They were like the, the kids in school who just wouldn't... behave. And I was not one of those kids. I find them annoying.

Sam:

Well, we're learning a lot today. I have to say. I had no strong opinions about their music. I still don't, but it's, their music is quite fun to sing along to at karaoke or something. It's a good version of generic frothy pop. And that's not what I'm particularly into, but I can recognize that as being fun in certain circumstances. Emma looks like she wants to punch me.

Emma:

I have a slightly different opinion. The overall experience of watching the film has reminded me just how much I don't like their music. Overproduced, obnoxious, and utterly charmless girl pop by committee. I didn't like them in the nineties when they were marketed at me, and I still don't like them now, and I find their personalities abrasive. And as they kind of progressed beyond the Spice girls. And you got to see them as mature women.

Sam:

Spice women,

Emma:

spice women then Yeah. Things mellowed a lot, but the sort of shouty 20 year olds did my head in and still do.

Sam:

Yeah, I can understand. Somebody needed to say, calm down at some point in this film. Yeah,

Emma:

Yeah, the idea was that there's, well, there are so many different character types in these Spice Girls. Surely everybody's at least one of them. Well, where is Chronically Depressed Spice?

Sam:

Where's Sedate Spice?

Emma:

Where's Really Struggling to Fit In at This Comprehensive Spice?

Sam:

He's driving the bus

Emma:

Indeed.

Sam:

Anyway,

Emma:

sorry. That's one of many rants tonight.

Sam:

The bus arrives at the Albert Hall, where they're gonna do a press junket. That's an interview with Jonathan Ross. And he's so fucking young. He's so young.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

We learn an important piece of information in this, which is the whole plot of this film is gonna be about them, about to do their first ever live gig. They released their first album in 96. Spice. But they didn't actually any live concerts until 97 alongside the film.

Emma:

Yep. So it is a real, an actual thing.

Sam:

Madness. Then we go see George Wendt Norm from Cheers.

Emma:

Norm from Cheers. Yeah. To give him his proper name.

Sam:

He's watching them on the telly. Yeah. I assumed he was gonna be the baddie.

Emma:

But no

Sam:

No, he's just another extraneous character with extraneous plotline.

Emma:

The baddie is an even weirder pick.

Sam:

George Wendt is a film bigwig and throughout the film he and his his mate. They're gonna pitch shit film ideas to Richard E. Grant at a restaurant just scattered throughout this. The whole thing's like a sketch show.

Emma:

But none of the sketches work.

Sam:

And at the restaurant, where they meet Richard E. Grant, he's always dressed like the Riddler.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

He's wearing a green suit,

Emma:

shiny a really shiny green suit

Sam:

and big sunglasses

Emma:

Horrific,

Sam:

We learned that Richard E Grant works for Roger Moore.

Emma:

Yes. The Roger Moore theme, I did have a few giggles at this.'Cause Roger Moore is never in a room with anybody else. He's always in this, sort of super super villain lair. And there are so many little Bond jokes thrown in there. In each scene that he appears in, he is stroking a different cute animal, including at one point he is feeding a pig with a bottle. And in this first scene, when he is on the phone, he does say"there's no need for any stirring" while he shakes a cocktail.

Sam:

Yeah. Multiple people will make shit references to their work outside this Uhhuh. throughout.

Emma:

And that was one of them.

Sam:

Um, I genuinely did like Roger Moore's character'cause he, he talks in constant meaningless, business talk. And then Richard E. Grant has to just be like, no idea what he just said. He won't let the spies girls have a day off. That's the plot. when Richard E. Grant hangs up, his assistant says,"what does he say?" And Richard E. Grant says,"I haven't a clue, but I know he's right."

Emma:

We next get to the rehearsals, and the band leader is Jools Holland. Jools Holland seems to have been the same age forever. It feels like playing Boogie woogie, piano on New Year's Eve.

Sam:

the Boogie Woogie Spice Girls.

Emma:

Hootenanny

Sam:

Sorry Americans. We'll get onto Wayne's World soon. There's a bit of mucking about and rehearsing in the Albert Hall

Emma:

And then the girls' pregnant friend Nicola

Sam:

Yes. So Nicola is all five of their best friends and is pregnant

Emma:

And we don't care, When they're talking to their friend, they have like a flashback sequence, or no, it's sequence

Sam:

It's a Muppet Babies style flash forward.

Emma:

It's a flash forward, dream sequence. I've written down here, has this been edited in iMovie by some sixth formers having a go at their first bit of coursework.'cause it's a swirly edit

Sam:

Yeah, it's a good swirly edit. Oh, it's horrible. And then they have this awful fantasy sequence about having babies. they, they're all just living in a house together, all being pregnant and having babies. There's a lot bad sketches thrown in in order to allow them to wedge in certain songs. So Mama was kind of playing in the background of this one. And then I just said, Jools Holland is so awkward.

Emma:

But Jools Holland, his entire thing is being awkward. He's one of the worst TV presenters. He's, He's, so awkward. No. job. Every time I've watched like a, an episode of Later, or the Hootenanny it is just excruciating.

Sam:

He gets such good musicians and bands on.

Emma:

Yeah. Yeah. How, and then he makes them all play boogie woogie versions of their songs

Sam:

But then we cut to the evil newspaper.

Emma:

Yeah. This was a surprising bit of casting. Barry Humphries.

Sam:

Was so excited to see Barry Humphries.

Emma:

Yeah. Do you think he's supposed to be Murdoch?

Sam:

Well, the character's name is Kevin McMa xford. Right. So that's definitely a Max Clifford reference.

Emma:

But they're all kind of the same evil. He's the, the newspaper boss who wants destroy the Spice Girls. I've written here is this actual plot, and also I'm on Team Barry.

Sam:

He's so sick of writing headlines about good stuff that happens to them, that he wants bad stuff to happen. Yeah. them.

Emma:

I'm okay with

Sam:

On the bus, Mel B and Geri try their best to do acting over a chess game.

Emma:

Ah.

Sam:

Uh, Richard E. Grant gets his first set of stupid film pitches,

Emma:

Yep. And then we get to a point where Hugh Laurie is playing Poirot in sequence about how no one would ever suspect Baby Spice of murder.

Sam:

That's right. Because Baby Spice, each of the Spice Girls has a sort of moment where they worry about their personality. Yeah. And everybody goes,"no, it's fine babe. You do well". So Emma worries that the Baby Spice personality won't work for her long term. And they're like,"no, you could do a murder and no one would suspect you." And then did you recognize the photographer in the next shoot?

Emma:

No.

Sam:

Dominic West Oh, Dominic West.

Emma:

Bloody hell, everybody was in this. The girls are tired of their stereotypes.

Sam:

That's right.

Emma:

so, it provides an opportunity to kill a few minutes of them playing dress up. And it culminates in them impersonating each other, which is painful to watch.

Sam:

I honestly hadn't noticed until they said, and they we're back to the newspaper.

Emma:

We meet the evil reporter

Sam:

Good stuff is happening because the evil reporter is played by Richard O'Brien, playing Richard O'Brien. Yeah. He's still wearing his costume from Crystal Maze he plays a magical, super good paparazzo who's gonna follow them around get dirt on them. Yeah. Yeah.

Emma:

And then we're at a party, aren't we?

Sam:

Yes, we are. They go to a party. Jennifer Saunders

Emma:

as Eddina Monsoon from AbFab. Yeah. In different wig. Yeah. Yeah. Bob Geldof chats to Mel B and then she does his hair up, like her hair.

Sam:

Yeah.

Emma:

I've put down here Bob Geldof gets his hair Scary Spiced.

Sam:

And then a third man that I didn't recognize, but must have been famous at the time, talked to Geri. He must have been famous, otherwise why is he in it?

Emma:

I can't remember but I've written down here, this party isn't that exclusive. As their pregnant mate turns up and ask them to be godmothers.

Sam:

The evil reporter is at the party listening to the girls talk about their opinion on boys. somehow, and I can't quite remember how,'cause it was very late when I was watching this, the conversation becomes a religious controversy, and ends up in the papers. Oh, it's because, somebody asks a dumb question and Geri says, is the Pope a Catholic? And then the big news story becomes Spice Girls question whether Pope is Catholic", and then Richard Briers gets a bit playing a bishop.

Emma:

Yeah. Richard Briers, fuck. And then all of a sudden they're off to Milan. Because I'll tell you one thing. This is a pacey film.

Sam:

We don't hang around.

Emma:

Nope.

Sam:

They're on a plane to Milan. Um, and the, um, Oh, Oh, I'll go for this one. The Gary Glitter number is a bit of a surprise. So he was arrested in November, 1997 and this film came out December that year. Yeah. And they had to do quite a lot of cutting. They've not removed the scene entirely, but they did cut a lot of it. I, but it's still enough there to be utterly jarring. Yeah. They sing Leader of the Gang by Gary Glitter, which, uh, yeah.

Emma:

I mean, this will have been filmed before he was

Sam:

Yes. Uh, he, yeah. Well, he shot a four minute cameo, which they took out.

Emma:

Oh, I didn't know that. There you

Sam:

go. Oh. Oh. What I found particularly odd though, is that they could have excised the whole scene and it wouldn't have,

Emma:

it wouldn't have affected film at all. It had nothing to do with the storyline. They could have got rid of that.

Sam:

They're singing and the Italian film crew want a load of sexy, naked hunks in Speedos to dance with them, but the girls don't want that.

Emma:

Cos it's not girl power

Sam:

exactly. Geri agrees a compromise, which is that the hunks will dance with them dressed, but with their arses hanging out.

Emma:

Yeah. All of their arses are hanging out. It's so weird. So They're back in the UK again. Yeah. Suddenly

Sam:

Meat Loaf's driving them home. He gets ordered to pull over s o the girls can go have a wazz in some trees. Because all the toilets on the bus are clogged.

Emma:

And then it's time for Meat Loaf to do a Meat Loaf joke.

Sam:

Richard E Grant tells him to fix the toilets and he says,

Emma:

"I love these girls and I do anything for them, but I won't do that."

Sam:

My note says, I think we found our sixth worst actor of this film. He's better than the performance he gives here.

Emma:

It does feel a bit phoned in

Sam:

He's shocking. Yeah.

Emma:

He clearly doesn't give a shit.

Sam:

No. And you learn why he doesn't give a shit later.

Emma:

So Girls lost in the woods now. And suddenly aliens. And it is as fast as that.

Sam:

Yep. A big UFO lands and aliens get out and turn out to be massive fans who just want tickets to their gig, they ask for an autograph of my brother and they say, what's his name? And she says, how many Ks is that? He's that? Three Ks or

Emma:

Oh,

Sam:

Come on. That's a good joke. That's a good joke.

Emma:

It's just suddenly aliens. And at that point I realized that, oh, they're just gonna try and put as many things in here as possible.

Sam:

It's a Katamari Damacy of a film. That's a good joke that Emma didn't get. No. It's a video game about rolling small things into a big ball of bigger and bigger things till you're rolling up the whole planet. Listeners of a certain kind. Absolutely loved that joke. Anyway, um, Roger Moore still won't let'em have a morning off, so they go see their dance tutor.

Emma:

Oh God.

Sam:

Who is Michael Barrymore, playing the dance instructor as a shouty drill drill sergeant.

Emma:

called Mr. Step. Which is a terrible joke.

Sam:

Oh, sh I literally just got that. Yep. Fuck me. Well, it doesn't make any sense though'cause he, he's good at dance.

Emma:

Doesn't matter.

Sam:

It does, it does Emma.

Emma:

It clearly doesn't to the script writers.

Sam:

You know I hate jokes that don't work if you

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

Yeah. And that, that's just infuriated me. it's terrible. That's annoying That's annoying cause my note says this is a good bit, but now I'm angry. Like the, the, the, the dance tutor as shouty drill sergeant, I think is a good bit.

Emma:

It feels very Monty Python though. there's a lot bits that do feel a bit like shit. Monty Python,

Sam:

you're right. you're right. That should be Michael Palin playing that.

Emma:

Yeah. So this is just like an excuse for some military themed hijinks and a bit of dancing. And four of the five girls are dressed in proper Army kit, but Posh Spice is wearing a camo Gucci number and heels.

Sam:

Ha Ah ha ha.

Emma:

And written here, I hate her the most, and I stand by that.

Sam:

And all of this really is to wedge in that song of theirs that's got a bit of a marching song beat. They do the sort of bootcamp thingy then they go to bed in a scary house. Yeah. Richard O'Brien sneaks in via a toilet.

Emma:

Yeah. He's hiding in the toilet. Of course he is. The girls get spooked by his creepy noises, so they all end up sharing the same bed and they talk about a shared nightmare about the big show.

Sam:

He listens in. And then that's the next big headline, Spice Girls Scared of Big Show

Emma:

I mean, clearly nothing was happening in the world in 1997. Nothing at all

Sam:

That was when Francis Fukuyama published the End of History,

Emma:

but not as important as the Spice Girls, is it?

Sam:

No, but I suppose they proved him wrong, didn't they? Let me just check if my massively intellectual joke there worked. Oh, it was 1992. Dammit. Sorry, Fukuyama fans. The Hollywood guys pitch a film called Spice Force Five Oh no. Which is just an excuse for the girls to dress in sparkly silver clothes and do yeah, shitty vignettes. And then Geri goes into a phone box,

Emma:

and becomes Bob Hoskins. Why? After the night in the spooky house, they're sitting in a weird tent thing. Made of colorful scarves.

Sam:

It's like the BBC's coverage of Glastonbury.

Emma:

Yeah. It's really weird. They're sitting in this, and they chat about setting Richard E. Grant up with his assistant.

Sam:

Oh yeah. Him and his assistant have shown no interest in one another at all.

Emma:

There's no sexual tension there. No,

Sam:

No, but they decide because this is their world, right? This is Spice World. Yeah. They are the evil rulers who, whatever I say goes. So Richard Grant children. Yeah. They're, they are the petulant children Yeah. who are also kings. Yes. Oh, what's his name in Game of Thrones? They're the, yeah. They're Joffrey in Game Thrones and and everybody must dance to their whims.

Emma:

Yeah. There is absolutely no sexual tension in this film at all. It's one of the most sexless films ever.

Sam:

Because it has to simultaneously be for pre pubescent girls. And for people who are like, phwoar, yeah, I'll have a bit of that.

Emma:

But it it doesn't have it. Oh, yeah. It has no fuck.

Sam:

It has no fuck.

Emma:

After that some kids have won a tour of the Spice Bus

Sam:

and that will take them the rest of their lives. But the girls complain to them about how rubbish it is. Being a Spice Girl.

Emma:

can fuck right off.

Sam:

I, oh, it's awful. Richard E Grant bossing us about all the time. Oh,

Emma:

Oh. Oh. We're having such a horrible time becoming multimillionaires.

Sam:

And so they decide to endanger those children by stealing a speedboat

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

driving away down the Thames.

Emma:

And so some of the children fall into the water

Sam:

due to the irresponsible band being irresponsible. And Richard O'Brien was there. So that story gets out.

Emma:

Victoria ends up in the water as well, and unfortunately she makes it out alive.

Sam:

Isn't it mad though that this bit of plot hinges on Richard O'Brien still being there, being a sneaky spy. Yeah. They're in the middle of the Thames. And, that is potentially believable in 1997. Yeah. That if a paparazzo hadn't been there, nobody would've nobody would've ever known. yeah. Yeah.

Emma:

Oh, what a time to be alive. The things we could get away with.

Sam:

I know. They all fall out with each other and with Richard E. Grant, and everybody stomps

Emma:

This pisses me off, this section. Cause during the fight the girls are arguing with Richard E. Grant about how self-respect and freedom are more important than performing the big gig. That is so fucking unprofessional. You know, these, these are girls that have been plucked out of obscurity and they've got opportunities of a lifetime and they're being all like faux girl power about it.

Sam:

I agree, Emma. They should be grateful to the man for giving them an opportunity.

Emma:

Fuck it. Actually. Yeah. It's, it's an incredible opportunity that they're squandering. Take the man for all he's worth, do the gig and take the money and run.

Sam:

But their best friend is pregnant and they all therefore need to have a day off with her.

Emma:

Well, they should have organized it better.

Sam:

Flashback! We flashback to a cafe where six coffees cost one pound 50.

Emma:

Oh. Oh. My God

Sam:

And character actor, Bill Patterson plays a man who owns the cafe.

Emma:

The are were pretending that's how they used to hang out before they got famous. I suppose a scene where they were just in rehearsal rooms, having been assembled by the Herbert Brothers in 1994 wouldn't be as sentimental. They torture the owner of the cafe by playing the new song that they've just written.

Sam:

Yeah. In this universe, in this universe, they wrote all their own songs,

Emma:

Uhhuh.

Sam:

But also still haven't played a single live gig.

Emma:

Yep. I hate this

Sam:

Also Pregnant friend is there too,

Emma:

of course,

Sam:

but she isn't in the band for some reason that nobody ever explains. Yeah. The, these five best friends have formed a band. Yeah. And they've

Emma:

not Their sixth best friend.

Sam:

She wasn't even pregnant yet by then.

Emma:

And you would, even if she was like a shit singer, you just Bez it and give her some maracas, wouldn't you?

Sam:

Spice Bez. Bez Spice.

Emma:

Bez Spice. That's what is missing. Bez Spice.

Sam:

We get Viva Forever and we cut back to the present day and that cafe is now closed'cause they never paid for their fucking drinks. But the girls all reunite and and all

Emma:

all They've all independently had the same thought.

Sam:

Yes.

Emma:

Because they're not well developed characters.

Sam:

Emma, they're not well developed adults. We get a sort of dream sequence in which Stephen Fry plays a judge sentencing them to shit chart performance for making making a shit song.

Emma:

Oh Yeah. And the, the joke here is, haha, posho Stephen Fry says a bunch of cool words, but a bit like a square. Yeah. Yeah. I hate that.

Sam:

That's a judge joke trope.

Emma:

Yeah. Yeah.

Sam:

A popular beat combo, m'lud.

Emma:

The girls have been sitting on a bench having a deep, meaningful, over a bag of chips, and then they decide gonna make Prego go out despite the fact that she's overdue having her baby.

Sam:

overdue and they take her clubbing. The DJ's playing a dance remix of Who Do You Think You Are? Because that's also a thing that happened all the time in the nineties. And pregnant friend. What? She's not having a good time

Emma:

She doesn't wanna go and dance, but the girls hit the floor and throw some shapes.

Sam:

She starts having the baby to break the monotony of the shitty mix. They use the bus to take her to hospital. Meat Loaf gets another line. He gets to say,"let's hit the trail" like a good old Texan boy. Yeah. Um, and then after an awkward scene, they arrive at Darkplace Hospital.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

The nurse is even noticeably overdubbed by a different actor.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

Some Parents ask the girls to wake their kid out of a coma. They do so by discussing taking off their tops, and it's a miracle.

Emma:

Ha ha ha ha ha. There's a bit where we cut to Meat Loaf'cause the birth's gonna take ages. We cut to him and he's sitting at the wheel of the bus and he's singing Mama to himself.

Sam:

Oh. Do you know what? I missed that. Oh I think I might have had to step outside.

Emma:

So the girls hang around at the hospital.

Sam:

Yeah. So Richard E. Grant is getting annoyed that they're waiting for a baby instead of coming to the Albert Hall and fair play. It's not any of their babies. No, they're not. I don't know whose baby it is. One of the hospital nurses is about to clock off so that she can go see the Spice Girls show. She is the seventh worst actor in the film. Oh, and then she has the baby and Geri says,"now that is girl

Emma:

power." And I threw up,

Sam:

And then a chase sequence happens straight out of Darkplace

Emma:

Because they're trying to catch the reporter.

Sam:

Yeah. He comes in disguised as a doctor and I think he delivers the baby and then is revealed to be a paparazzo. Yeah.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

Which is all sorts of violationy.

Emma:

But by this point we're sort of careering towards the end of the film and it feels like everybody's just desperate to get it over with, which is what leads to the next bit.

Sam:

And that is the Hollywood guys make another pitch, which is they pitch the end of this film, and I like this, and you don't.

Emma:

I think because I just hate all of the film, so very, very much.

Sam:

So they start pitching exactly what is happening to the girls. They pitch that the girls decide to come to the Albert Hall and save Richard E. Grant. And that happens. And they pitch that Victoria takes over the bus.'cause Meat Loaf's having a nap on some grass. Yeah. It's car chase, and they have to drive over Tower Bridge in a stupid stop motion animation.

Emma:

I

Sam:

that. was lovely.

Emma:

I did like that.

Sam:

It's a very, very cheap model.

Emma:

There's also some nuns. Which is a legal requirement for any British car chase.

Sam:

And just when they're safe, they discover the bomb. And they find a bomb. And then they get to the Albert Hall and they're rushing up the steps.

Emma:

And the police stop them

Sam:

The police stop them. The police stop them for all the driving crimes they've just done.

Emma:

I've just written here, Baby Spice Baby Spices at them and they get off with it.

Sam:

said they use Emma's youthfulness to do a girlish apology and get let off, which is definitely feminist af, honest guv. then they do the show and it's over.

Emma:

We get to go back and lead our lives again.

Sam:

But after the film ends, oh we have a little meta credit scene. Beating Marvel by 15 So Alan Cumming moans about not being allowed to do it in his Scottish accent, which is fair'cause he had to do Richard E Grant's Grant's voice. Yes. stupid. And then the girls start talking to the audience down the camera being like oh, I like your dress.

Emma:

Makes me want to die.

Sam:

Okay.

Emma:

I hated it. I hated it.

Sam:

And then, oh, what happened to the bomb at the end of the bus? We forgot about that. Bang,

Emma:

Bang,

Sam:

Offscreen bang. End of film. Seems like you had less fun than me watching this.

Emma:

I never enjoyed the Spice Girls output. Wasn't really for me, despite being exactly the right age for it. And that has stayed with me throughout my life. It just, it never fit for me. The girls that were into it were so into it, that any other opinion was flattened. it wasn't a happy time for me when this was happening. I'm,

Sam:

I'm picking up what you're putting down there.

Emma:

that, just not my kind of

Sam:

No, yeah, it's fine. I enjoyed it as a time capsule. I had forgotten so much about what Britain was like in the late nineties and a lot of stuff came flooding back and that was lovely. That nice.

Emma:

There, was a nice sort of nostalgia Yeah. there.

Sam:

Wouldn't say this was a good film. But it was a fun experience for me.

Emma:

I'm glad I don't have to watch it again. There were bits of it that I found quite amusing as concept, Yeah. was also laughing at how fucking stupid I think it is.

Sam:

Yeah, it had a couple of good bits in it, it was a real hit and miss sketch show with mostly misses. mostly but we're here to talk about Meat Loaf. You remember that guy?

Emma:

Oh, him.

Sam:

Yeah. So, sixth worst actor in he phoned it in. Yeah. Big time. This is from an interview, that he did when he was promoting a Best Of, in 1998. He had a meeting with the head of Virgin Records who was Paul Conroy. And Paul Conroy just mentions in passing that he was working on the Spice Girls movie. And Meat Loaf starts saying,"oh, they're doing Spice World. And you didn't put me in it." I was winding him up and he goes,"oh, well I'll probably get you in the film". And I said,"well, I'll be here all afternoon. I'm waiting."

Emma:

Oh my God.

Sam:

And hours later, Paul rings back and makes the offer and he says,"Paul, I'm kidding. It's okay. No, it's fine. I've gotta go to Germany." And Paul says, no, no, they really want you to do the film." And I'm going, Paul, no, I don't need to do the film." Well, anyway, I ended up doing this spice World for three days and I did whatever I did with them, But he had met Mel B previously. And Meat says"I'd borrowed five pounds for cigar. So the first thing she asked when I showed up on set was, you have my five pounds?' And I said,'do you have change for a 20?' I still owe her five pounds.

Emma:

Just

Sam:

remember, if anyone wants money, ask them if they have change for a 20."

Emma:

What a tighwad. I'm just thinking back to the time that he was in the, uh, the dismal casino bit of a service station.

Sam:

Oh Yeah. Yeah. He played, with somebody else's just leaned over and did it. But he did the whole film out of awkwardness.

Emma:

Incredible. So I found the trailer on YouTube. And because it's on YouTube underneath it, people have opinions. Most of these were quite positive and, you know, joyful about the, the Spice Girls, and I don't want to

Sam:

yuck anyone's yum

Emma:

so, I just picked out, the two comment streams that amused me the most to share with you. Nerdy Gamer Guy said,"growing up in the nineties, every single girl was into this group. Not kidding." But Brian Jay replied to this"and every single guy was shooting so many loads over them. I know I sure was." Fancy admitting that on the internet.

Sam:

Have you seen what people admit internet?

Emma:

Well. And then, KST Traveler said,"I still don't understand how this movie didn't win. Oscars."

Sam:

Uh, I've got a few theories. Emma, this is now our new tradition on Film Club. Last time we talked about Ghost Wars.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

And we both pitched sequels to that.

Emma:

We did.

Sam:

So. Do you have a sequel to Spice World that you'd like to pitch?

Emma:

I do. Just calling it Spice World Two, because why the fuck should I bother trying to think of a, title. They didn't. More or less the same film, but instead of playing at the Royal Albert Hall, it's that time they did the Olympics closing ceremony. And it was all a bit shit and disappointing after what had been a genuinely life-affirming games and an incredible and moving opening ceremony. Perhaps they get involved with the games. Ginger does some swimming, Scary does some cycling. Baby does some gymnastics, and Posh wins the hundred meters running in heels. Sporty, hilariously can't compete in anything because of a broken leg achieved in some amusing way that I can't be asked to come up. Richard E Grant is still there being hammy and annoying. Richard O'Brien wants revenge, so keeps trying to pap them with upskirt shots, but gets his face stomped in with platform trainers. Something like that.

Sam:

Okay, well that sounds pretty good. My pitch is a bit longer.

Emma:

Okie dokie.

Sam:

I'm pitching Spice World Two: Spice Blend.

Emma:

So

Sam:

The big question that was hanging over Spice World one was, who's the daddy? We never heard anything about the father of Pregnant Friend's child. So flashback, the girls are just starting to go big. They're recording their first single, all that stuff. Nicola, the non-band member, she feels very left out. So everyone agrees that the best way to include her in all their lives is to combine all of their DNA in a lab and implant the resulting embryo into Nicola's womb.

Emma:

Of course. Of course, this is where you went.

Sam:

The child who grows up to be called Vicemmelgerimeltoria...

Emma:

god

Sam:

...grows up to be an incredible singer and dancer, but just isn't happy. Who am I? She asks, where do I come from? When I fill out a passport application form? How do I enter the details of six parents when the form only has room for two? She needs a passport because she's got through to the World Girl Band Championship finals in Miami. Nobody can agree two of the six parents should get on the passport form and they all fall out. Vicemmel... Vicemmelgerimeltoria goes to find the mad scientist who did the DNA merge work out what to do. The scientist, played by Tim Curry, is a real crazy dude and he sets everyone some sort of bullshit task. You know, like happens in these films. Everyone goes through minor hardships like getting rained on or covered in mud, and they all sing some sort of song about it. Eventually the task brings'em all together and they remembered why they loved each other in the first place. They go back to Tim Curry with whatever it was he asked them to bring, only for him to reveal that was all a ruse. While they were off on the bullshit quest, he was hacking into the Home Office database and changing the passport application form so that you can add as many parents names as you like. Vicemmelgerimeltoria gets her passport and flies to the competition. Meat Loaf is the pilot of the plane.

Emma:

Oh, good call.

Sam:

She asks him to help her queue jump at immigration, and he says,"I love all six of your parents, but I won't do that". And everyone laughs. The competition happens and she gets through to the Grand Final. It's just her versus Kishellené, a hideous genetic amalgamation of Destiny's Child's final lineup. But her costume has been sabotaged. To buy time, Meat Loaf drive through a wall on a motorbike and sings a song that goes"hot patootie, bless my hands. My life was saved by era defining right place, right time, manufactured girl pop bands" and everyone laughs. Vicemmelgerimeltoria is about to win with the final goal of the championship when she realizes that this shouldn't be a competition and girl power is universal. Everyone hugs and agrees to share the trophy, then the bomb on the plane

Emma:

Very good.

Sam:

Thanks. Well

Emma:

I mean, horrific. but also least there's a plot. Yeah.

Sam:

That's big, big money for me, that.

Emma:

Good.

Sam:

Anything else you'd like to say on Spice World, Emma?

Emma:

Should we rate it?

Sam:

Well, it's interesting you ask that because, while I was researching the extras on the DVD, if you press left, left, up, up, left, left, there's like a hidden screen on the DVD menu and if you do that, it takes you to the hidden rating screen on the DVD.

Emma:

Amazing.

Sam:

Yeah. And, and it gave me three choices of Bob Spears. Bob, This Film Could Be Enjoyable Tosh After a Couple of Beers, or Bob, I'd Rather Cut Off My Own Ears. Emma, what's this to you?

Emma:

Uh, I'm happy to lose my ears on this one.

Sam:

I find it inoffensive. It could be enjoyable to after a couple of beers if you watched it once every, let's say 40 years. So I

Emma:

So you watching it again when you're 80. I've seen, I've much worse films than this for film club.

Sam:

I'm going with the midpoint. I'm very happy for this to be a split vote.

Emma:

I think it's gonna be a split vote'cause I'm sticking to my guns here. This is terrible shit.

Sam:

This is a Bob This Film Could Be Enjoyable Tosh After a Couple of Beers slash Bob, I'd Rather Cut Off My Own Ears. Yes. But Emma, what other film did we watch?

Emma:

We did watch Wayne's World from 1992.

Sam:

Wayne's World?

Emma:

Wayne's World.

Sam:

Party Time

Emma:

Party on Wayne. sorry. Sorry. I'm, can we, can we do that again so I

Sam:

no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna use this take, Yeah. We watched Wayne's World from 1992 based of course on the Saturday Night Live sketch. Do you wanna redo it? Okay. You can say excellent, and I'll clip it

Emma:

Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Excellent, excellent, It no longer means anything.

Sam:

Yeah. really want to use the last three minutes exactly as it was.

Emma:

I thought you might, I hate you so much.

Sam:

It's based on the long running Saturday Night Live

Emma:

Mm-hmm.

Sam:

It stars Michael Myers. No, it doesn't. He's the murderer. It

Emma:

That's Mike Myers

Sam:

and the other one.

Emma:

Dana

Sam:

Yeah.

Emma:

As Wayne and Garth.

Sam:

As Wayne and Garth. Two slackers.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

With a public access TV show.

Emma:

Now, the public access TV thing.

Sam:

Yeah.

Emma:

It's a common trope in US TV film and I always felt a bit jealous that we didn't have an equivalent over here.

Sam:

Can you imagine?

Emma:

But as a,

Sam:

I always felt really superior about not having it.

Emma:

because as a horrible, precocious media wanker

Sam:

Yeah.

Emma:

I'd have loved to have had a go at that.

Sam:

I know. And I, that's why I was always really glad that

Emma:

Because wouldn't you have liked to have had a go at that?

Sam:

But I shouldn't have been allowed to. Television is for professionals, Emma.

Emma:

I feel like it would've been a fun opportunity to have had.

Sam:

Yeah. But nobody should have had to see that.

Emma:

Oh. If I'd have done it and then had to look back on it as an adult who I am now Yeah. Then, uh, Then, uh, it would be excruciating and I'd want to die.

Sam:

Having seen it the reason, well how, how big a lecture would you like on broadcast it's to do with cable Yeah. So largely it's because American TV distribution is more cable based but also, uh, you are right, Maisie. This is boring. The British media market is very different and, some would say better.

Emma:

right?

Sam:

Better. I guess what we're doing now is a form of public access broadcasting, isn't it?

Emma:

This is entirely what podcasting is. Unregulated dog shit.

Sam:

An ad for an arcade. Noah's arcade. Ooh, that's a pun. Rob Lowe playing a man called Benjamin, hereby Rob Lowe, is in bed watching TV with his girlfriend. They watch stupid ads until they land on Wayne's World.

Emma:

She's really into

Sam:

She's really into it. Rob Lowe is baffled by people enjoying it, but spots a money making

Emma:

Mm-hmm.

Sam:

After confirming that some people like them, Rob turns the telly off and gets off with his girl.

Emma:

It's nineties in a different way to Spice it? It's American Nineties. Yeah. sexier,

Sam:

Say what you like about the Spice Girls. There was genuine sort of girl power going on and that

Emma:

Yeah. In Wayne's World, there is no girl power. No.

Sam:

two films treat female musicians very differently.

Emma:

they do. Um, so yeah, Rob Lowe gets off with his girl and then, on the show, Wayne does a not joke, provides vocab for all nineties children to last the next five years. Yeah.

Sam:

I guess this is how kids in the future will look back on six, seven or whatever.

Emma:

I do not understand.

Sam:

We'll move on from, I don't know what six, seven but my, the point is, you

Emma:

don't don't write in and tell us. We don't care.

Sam:

I am baffled by the idea that I ever, even as a young stupid child, thought that saying a thing and then adding not on the end was very funny.

Emma:

But we all did it.

Sam:

Yes, we did. Um, then we get the Bohemian Rhapsody bit.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

Which is a good bit.

Emma:

A very good bit. If you haven't done that as a driver in a car, then you, you know, dragged test Yeah. If you don't say you love Bohemian Rhapsody, then are you even alive? It's such a good Everybody knows the words. And it's just a, it's so good. good. It's such a good song to sing along to when you're a bit pissed.

Sam:

Yeah. Which you aren't when you're driving a car.

Emma:

No, no, of course not.

Sam:

forgotten until this rewatch that they use the song to help their hungover mate recover from his hangover.

Emma:

Yeah. The friend with a perpetual hangover. Yeah.

Sam:

They pile him into the car and he's feeling awful until they get to the right bit and then he's head banging with the rest of them.

Emma:

It's the power of good music. It certainly is Wayne makes Garth pull over, so he and ogle a guitar in the guitar shop window. And then they go to a diner. They do some bantz with a cop. That cop's a bit unnecessary, I'm assuming he must have been in the original sketch. Just pull up with the coff and do a bit of I smell bacon lols Yeah.

Sam:

And he doesn't say get fucked you little shit. Yeah. He's very, uh, very He's very on board with, with these little punks. Yeah. Which is actually quite a fun relationship for cops to have with punk kids in film. That's quite rare. Uh, and then the diner manager is always monologuing about doing

Emma:

Yeah. Yeah. I, I really like that.

Sam:

He takes over the narration at times.

Emma:

And he gets told off for breaking the fourth wall. Yeah. because it's only for Wayne.

Sam:

We meet two of the three women in this one of whom gets lines. So we have the hot girl who works at the diner that Garth fancies. Yeah. And every time he sees her, she's in the sort of, you know, hair in weaver music. Yes. Yeah. Uh, so Garth's totally head over heels and doesn't know what to do around her. Yeah. Then Wayne's got this ex-girlfriend Stacey who,

Emma:

Well, she's basically the stereotype crazy ex-girlfriend. Yeah. I dislike this. the film wouldn't be any different if she wasn't in it.

Sam:

No.

Emma:

It's unnecessary and cruel. And

Sam:

again, possibly she originates in the sketch show in a different way. Yeah. But the character of Wayne as a whole has some real problems with women.

Emma:

Yeah. it shows its age, I think. this this film. Um,'cause it's not done in any kind of,

Sam:

it's not ironic.

Emma:

It's not No. it's no irony irony to,

Sam:

are supposed to, I say we men are supposed to look at Wayne and go, yeah, yeah. You would be a bit like that. If, skipping ahead, if your girlfriend got an amazing job opportunity but the guy fancied her, you would be like, no, fuck you forever.

Emma:

Huh.

Sam:

But there is a good bit'cause Garth shoves a straw in a donut and drinks the jam out of it, brilliant.

Emma:

And I kind of wanna have a go.

Sam:

No, I haven't, but I did mean to buy some donuts earlier today, so we could try.

Emma:

That would've been amazing.

Sam:

But then we go over to the Gasworks bar where we meet Meat Loaf

Emma:

Yes.

Sam:

So he's playing the bouncer on the bar. Why Yeah. He gets a couple of lines.

Emma:

On the internet, when I looked at the trailer for this, people talked about Meat Loaf's bit in it. They were talking about how he had this amazing joke, this amazing line. That was an incredible joke in it. And I've got the transcript here. Meat Loaf plays a character called Tiny. Chuckle. Chuckle. Chuckle, chuckle, chuckle. Isn't it funny?'cause Meat Loaf's a big guy. He's called Tiny.

Sam:

That's a joke that originates with Robin Hood.

Emma:

Indeed. Yes. So Tiny says,"Wayne, how are you doing?" And Wayne says,"Hey, Tiny, who's playing today?" And Tiny says,"Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles". Wayne says,"Shitty Beatles. Are they any good?" And Tiny says"they suck". And Wayne says,"then it's not just a clever name."

Sam:

Right. That was a joke. That was a joke.

Emma:

That, was a joke.

Sam:

thought that was just sort of scene setting.

Emma:

No, no, no. The,

Sam:

the Shitty I I thought that the, the only, that's the sum total of Meat Loaf's Yeah. Oh yeah. No, no.'cause he also says party on.

Emma:

Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry. You're right.

Sam:

The joke that there is a band called the Shitty Beatles. That's a good joke. Yes.

Emma:

That's a good band to go any further than that.

Sam:

They go in and start to go see the bands, the band on stage are called Crucial Taunt, and their singer is called Cassandra. And Wayne falls in love with From the off, he's quite off-putting. So there's a fight in the crowd and someone spills beer on Cassandra and she beats everybody up.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

Yeah. Uh, it's worth mentioning at this point she is Chinese. Yes. And he comes up to her and says, oh, everybody was kung fu fighting.

Emma:

And that would be enough to earn him a kick in the balls,

Sam:

And that's an absolute chewing on your fist moment. Yeah. Which she doesn't like, but then later on she's fine with him again. Yeah. oh.

Emma:

she's, not a very well written or rounded character.

Sam:

What

Emma:

I know

Sam:

what

Emma:

I know. I'm sorry. I mean, the rest of them are obviously.

Sam:

There's Wayne, there's Garth, there's, I Love You

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

There's Hangover guy. What else do you want, Emma? And then there's the three kinds of women, crazy Silent.

Emma:

Silent. and the one you're gonna bang.

Sam:

The plot starts to happen. So Rob Lowe, who is a, an evil TV executive, he wants to, buy the Rights to Wayne and Garth's show so that he can then sell it to the evil arcade owner for advertising space. Yeah.

Emma:

All about sponsorship Yes. And getting him space on

Sam:

Yes. Which is another stupidly weird thing about the American media market because we have sponsored TV here, but they have no say whatsoever in the content of the, programming. It's insane to us that a man who sponsors your program gets to come on it and talk about his arcade once a week, which is what Rob Lowe wants to happen. Character actor, Kurt Fuller plays Rob Lowe's assistant

Emma:

Act,

Sam:

Russell, who is the TV producer. His arc is that he slowly switches over to Wayne's side throughout the film, then having met Cassandra once, Wayne yeah When starts learning Cantonese on tape it's a bit much, isn't it?

Emma:

It's a lot much.

Sam:

We go next to Rob Lowe and Russell going to see Wayne and Garth to talk about buying the show. And they walk in during a bit while Wayne and Garth are talking about how much of an erection they have for Claudia Schiffer. Which isn't even much of a paraphrase.

Emma:

No. It's, it was really uncomfortable to watch that. And again, this was early nineties culture. And it hasn't aged very well at all.

Sam:

yeah, a surprisingly long bit as well.

Emma:

It's a very long bit like we got the joke. Very quickly, but then they do it a few more times just to make sure you know, we are talking about our penises. swing.

Sam:

Ultimately Rob Lowe gets them to sign up to joining his big TV station and they get read the contract properly. But Garth does look down the camera and says, yes, we're doing that that trope. Yeah. Wayne talks to Casandra on the roof and demonstrates his Cantonese, which she somehow doesn't find creepy and weird. Uh, she's well into it. There is a

Emma:

a

Sam:

joke that he's learned an entire vocabulary of Cantonese off that one tape. Yes. And he can hold up a whole, very complicated conversation. Yes. There's a lot of back and forth about, oh, Wayne's not gonna want the sponsor to talk on the show, but he's gotta talk on the show. But he's gonna do, but we don't want him to, but he's gonna, uh, that happens over about 10 different scenes Yeah.

Emma:

Of

Sam:

different people talking to different combinations of other people about how this is gonna happen. But Wayne isn't gonna want it to happen. Hammers the point home quite aggressively. Yep. Rob Lowe Does the, uh, the bit about sparkling white wine slash champagne, That is a meme. I'd forgotten it was from this.

Emma:

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's all, all the way back

Sam:

yeah. It's nice that Rob Lowe lives in the apartment from American Psycho. Just to, just to reinforce

Emma:

He's the,

Sam:

he's the baddie. And then this awful bit, so Cassandra, Garth Wayne, and Rob Lowe are all in the apartment. Garth comes inside to explain down the camera that Rob Lowe must be a baddie. Yeah.'cause he's rich enough to live in a babe lair. And then he goes through his cupboards and find condoms that are ribbed for her pleasure. And says, Ugh.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

Imagine women getting sexual pleasure. Oh, that's

Emma:

Imagine. Ugh.

Sam:

And then he gives Wayne and Garth tickets to the Alice Cooper concert in Milwaukee to get them out the way so he can hit on uh, Cassandra there's that good bit. the Alice Cooper gig

Emma:

We're not worthy?

Sam:

No, I don't like the we are not worthy bit. That's a bit overhammed, Yeah. Cooper, sits down and gives them a lecture on the history of Milwaukee.

Emma:

Yes. That's really funny. I did like that.

Sam:

Then we get back to the actual, big TV station version of Wayne's World. Yeah. And obviously basement recreated in the Yeah. And they've got an announcer and they've got proper jingles now instead of just singing it and they're all Oh, confused. So they act like tossers.

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

And Wayne does that bit where he's written, this guy's a bell end or whatever on the back of the cue cards but

Emma:

He

Sam:

gets fired'cause Rob Lowe owns the show now. You get the classic end of the second act bit where everybody's mad at each other. Yeah. Yeah. Just like the Spice Girls. Yeah. Yeah. Everybody's mad at each other. And then they all go make up.

Emma:

very, very quickly again.

Sam:

And they agree a plan, which is that they're gonna redirect the big record company exec's limo to Wayne's house. Yeah. Where they'll do one last show and Cassandra will have a gig and the big record company exec will sign her up on the spot. I, we get the awkward video shoot with Cassandra, where Wayne

Emma:

God. With a snake.

Sam:

Yeah. But then Wayne comes along and acts paranoid and controlling that oh, you two must be shagging. This can't be a real, oh, this is a fake film set. Oh, oh, this camera's full of film. There's no Oh, oh, the band and the, yeah. And then Cassandra only goes home with Wayne because Rob Lowe acts like an even bigger twat.

Emma:

If Cassandra had any autonomy, which she doesn't, no. She'd have sacked them both off. And just cracked on with her musical career. But that's not to be, is it because, she only exists in the minds of men!

Sam:

Well, almost literally, because the plan initially fails, but then Wayne and Garth look down the camera and go, whoa, that ending's no good. Let's do another ending.

Emma:

then they do the wobbly lines.

Sam:

thing. thing. Woo.

Emma:

So then they do, two more endings, isn't it?

Sam:

There is two more endings. One is the Scooby Doo ending. Yeah. Where they pull off Rob Lowe's mask and reveal he's old Mr. Withers, the amusement park owner. And then there's the mega happy ending I think they called it. Yeah. Where she gets signed to a six al a six album deal. Yeah. And everybody loves each other. And Rob Lowe no longer loves money. Yeah. And then also do a meta commentary over the credits.

Emma:

End of film.

Sam:

End of film.

Emma:

I know.

Sam:

What did you think of the film Wayne's World, Emma?

Emma:

It's not aged well. It's still fun in places. There's, lots of good jokes in it, but I think the attitudes towards women Yeah. Make it quite a difficult watch for me as quite an angry woman at the moment.

Sam:

I'd just like to clarify that by, at the moment, Emma means since we start doing this podcast two years ago.

Emma:

Prior to that I was fine.

Sam:

Prior to that, I agree. Um, there, there is still lots to like in it, but ultimately the main character who is intended to be a sort of sympathetic everyman is this controlling, paranoid, uh, public information film of a warning.

Emma:

There are a lot of red

Sam:

Yeah. I refreshed myself on the plot to the sequel in which the plot hinges around Wayne being a controlling, paranoid dickhead to and ruining her career. Yeah, Oh, he's done it again. Yeah.

Emma:

It wouldn't be made today and that's not a bad thing.

Sam:

I think you could make it today. All it really needs is either Wayne,

Emma:

If it it was made today with some proper modern sensibilities.

Sam:

Well, yeah, because it's not. like. all you need is Garth to say, you are acting like an absolute cock. The character of Cassandra would have to have at least one more dimension.

Emma:

Oh, please. And if the crazy ex could also be given dimensions.

Sam:

How did we feel about Meat Loaf in this?

Emma:

I mean, blink and you miss him?

Sam:

I didn't realize it was him at first because

Emma:

No.

Sam:

was doing actual acting.

Emma:

He acted fine the, the two and a half lines that he had. It's the shortest of the Meat Loaf appearances so far.

Sam:

The director, Penelope Spheeris was mates with him.

Emma:

Because she did a lot of like punk and metal documentaries, didn't she?

Sam:

She did, Yeah. This was her first feature film?

Emma:

They wanted her specifically because of that background

Sam:

Yeah. Meat Loaf and I were friends long before that movie. We used to hang out together on Sunset Strip, go to clubs, get drunk together and have a good time. When I shot that scene with him, he was very familiar to me and we had a good time. It was only one day of shooting."I needed a little special cameo right there, and I thought of Meat Loaf because we used to stand at the doors of clubs trying to get in and deal with the bouncers. So his character, Tiny, was a version of those guys."

Emma:

Aw,

Sam:

Aw, Yeah.

Emma:

Aw,

Sam:

So when you do your modern version of Wayne's World, please cast me as the bouncer.

Emma:

You do give bouncer vibes.

Sam:

if your name's not on the list. I'm really sorry. I'll, I'll just gimme a pen and I'll, Roger Ebert gave it three stars out of four. What's the four star system? Did we just evolve a fifth star at some point in the late nineties?

Emma:

we grew a fifth star.

Sam:

Roger Ebert said, I"walked into Wayne's World expecting a lot of dumb vulgar comedy, and I got plenty, but I also found what I didn't expect, a genuinely amusing, sometimes even intelligent undercurrent."

Emma:

Okay.

Sam:

Did you, did you find that?

Emma:

It was amusing. Dunno if you could describe it as intelligent.

Sam:

I think this is probably more your speed then. The Washington Post said that"making a movie out of such a teeny sketch is better than you expect."

Emma:

Yeah.

Sam:

Other than the Blues Brothers, it is by far the best SNL spinoff movie.

Emma:

yeah.

Sam:

Conehead is dog shit. Washington Post went on to say, uh, they criticized the finale as a despair driven inability to end the movie. And speaking of despair driven inabilities. Emma, shall we end this discussion of Wayne's World

Emma:

with Yeah.

Sam:

I sent a telegram off to Penelope Spheeris, because she's off grid now. So the telegram boy took a while to arrive. And then I guess he came back again with the reply. This is her official rating system. Honest gov is this, Penelope Spheeris. Penelope Hereis an Adequate Film or Penelope Nearest Thing to Torture. it. It's, it's the middle one, isn't middle. It is Penelope Harrises an adequate film

Emma:

is an adequate

Sam:

and that ends Christmas Film Club. And just like at the end of a real Christmas, we're both emotionally wrung out and need a day of sitting, staring at nothing.

Emma:

And ready to go home. We've both devolved back into our teenage selves. Having a bit of a strop.

Sam:

Your mum said that maybe you need to calm down, and that's just made you even more annoyed.

Emma:

You just had too much sugar, love. Calm it down.

Sam:

As previously mentioned, we will be back in just a few days on Christmas Day with our lovely Christmas special, which we are really excited to bring you. This was a load of old horse nonsense that's gonna take me quite a lot of editing to get down to a listenable podcast. But the other one

Emma:

properly

Sam:

is properly is properly, exciting. We're really looking forward to what you guys think of it. So please do listen out on Christmas Day. Oh,. What did you think of Wayne's World and Spice World? Did you enjoy them? Do you agree with our ratings a third option? Let know. chatoutofhell@gmail.com thank you as ever for listening to film club. If you did. That one third of the audience who don't, they're the real jerks. They're the real Waynes. But we'll see you all hopefully on Christmas Day for the lovely Christmas special. Bye

Emma:

Bye.

Sam:

now. Now, now.

Emma:

ding.