Dating Daycare
Welcome to "Dating Daycare," the ultimate safe space for women navigating the unpredictable world of modern dating. Join hosts Melissa Firpo and Allison Waterman as they dish out candid advice, share hilarious anecdotes, and tackle the toughest dating dilemmas faced by women today.
In a dating landscape filled with frogs disguised as princes and a jungle of jerks, Melissa and Allison offer a nurturing haven where women can laugh, learn, and empower each other to find love on their own terms. From ghosting to breadcrumbing, from disastrous first dates to navigating online profiles, "Dating Daycare" covers it all with wit, wisdom, and plenty of wine.
With Melissa's no-nonsense approach and Allison's comedic charm, each episode feels like a heart-to-heart chat with your best girlfriends over brunch. Whether you're swiping left or swiping right, "Dating Daycare" is your go-to guide for surviving and thriving in the wild world of modern romance.
So grab your favorite beverage, kick back, and join Melissa and Allison as they navigate the highs, lows, and hilarities of dating life. Because when it comes to matters of the heart, everyone could use a little TLC from "Dating Daycare.
Dating Daycare
Part 1 - Special Guest Jennifer Capezza: "Why It's Hard For Victims of Domestic Violence To Leave"
Why don't domestic violence victims "just leave"? This question reveals a profound misunderstanding of the invisible prison that is an abusive relationship. Jennifer Capezza from LI Against Domestic Violence returns to guide us through the complex web of barriers that keep victims trapped, often for years or decades.
The conversation begins with sobering statistics – one in three women experience abuse in their lifetime, but these numbers only reflect reported cases. Domestic violence victims face a unique challenge: unlike other crimes, they're frequently disbelieved. As Jennifer explains, "It's the only crime that falls into that category."
Using the high-profile P Diddy case as an illustration, Jennifer breaks down the concept of coercive control – a psychological prison where victims have no free will. "By definition, the crime itself prevents somebody from leaving," she explains, drawing parallels to cult indoctrination and Stockholm syndrome. This helps us understand why someone like Cassie might return to her abuser despite horrific treatment.
The podcast explores how abuse occurs in six interconnected forms: physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, financial, and cyber. What makes domestic violence particularly insidious is how these forms layer upon each other. Jennifer provides a powerful example of how threatening to break someone's phone simultaneously represents financial abuse, emotional manipulation, implied physical threat, and isolation – all without raising a hand.
Perhaps most eye-opening is the revelation about attempts to leave. While statistics suggest it takes 7-9 documented attempts before leaving permanently, Jennifer argues these numbers only reflect visible actions. In reality, victims contemplate escape "hundreds or even thousands of times" – making mental plans, considering options, and hitting barriers repeatedly before any visible action occurs.
The episode concludes with a commitment to explore financial and safety barriers in part two, and a reminder that help is available 24/7. Whether you're personally affected or simply seeking understanding, this conversation offers crucial insights into the complex psychology of domestic violence and why the question should never be "Why don't they leave?" but rather "What keeps them trapped?"
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Welcome to Date and Daycare, where we help you navigate through the jungle of jerks. And today I'm super excited because we have Jennifer Cappezza on, who we've had before from Long Island. Domestic help me out, jen Ally, against Domestic Violence. There you go, and we love having you on your back. Island domestic Help me out, jen Ally, against domestic violence. There you go, and we love having you on your back. I'm so happy Jennifer contacted me and wanted to come back on. And what are we going to be discussing today?
Speaker 2:We are going to be discussing in detail. Quote why don't they just leave Perfect so?
Speaker 1:women that are in different situations, whether it's abusive, even non abusive, can kind of go into that. Why don't they just leave Right? We always say, oh, he's beating you, he's a drug addict, he's this, he's that, he's such a horrible, you don't just leave Right. So tell us, jen, why don't they leave?
Speaker 2:Right, so tell us, jen, be good to take a deep dive. So I'm going to do like a brief review of the conversation of what those relationships look like. I will refer to our previous episode for a deeper dive, obviously. And then the barriers to leaving are really broken up into um. I mean, there's tons, but for the sake of our conversation, is the emotional barriers, the financial barriers and the safety barriers three of sort of three areas that have the most common um complaints or challenges that we hear yeah right exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:And you know one of the things that I always say, to like a quick note about content. This can get really heavy. We have to have the conversation. I can't be delicate about it, Because if you're delicate about it and you're dancing around it and you're vague, then you're not telling the truth.
Speaker 2:If you're not telling the truth, you can't be helpful. You can't be helpful, right? So, while I will be gentle, it is the truth, right. So I sort of caution folks, because we are going to talk in more detail about what that really looks like. The experiences that individuals have men, women, children, regardless because it is one in three women, the sort of famous statistic, if you will, is that one in three women experience some form of abuse in their lifetime. The stat for that is somewhere around one in seven men. The stat is somewhere around the same for the LGBTQIA population. It is higher for the transgender population. It is higher for the black and brown population. But one of the things that we always like to remind folks is that's what's reported.
Speaker 1:Right, and that's what we know Right.
Speaker 2:Exactly, a ton isn't reported and a ton isn't reported and, frankly, that's one of the barriers, right there is that nobody knows what's going on. Right, they don't know what the resources are available to them. One of the reasons it's not reported, or one of the reasons it's a challenge even after reporting, is people don't believe them. They are not believed and it's the only crime that falls into that category. Like if I came in here and was chit-chatting with you and told you my house got robbed last night, you, your first instinct would not to be. I don't really right what do you mean?
Speaker 2:are you sure you know like no, no, I'm really sure like you know, I was there, you know, I was there, you know, and that that's not that. That's's the conversation. I mean, we were unfortunately reminded of this with the P Diddy. Oh my God. Verdict Okay, talk about people not being believed. There is video proof, right, video proof, and it's not even like one of those grainy black and white cameras from the 90s.
Speaker 1:Like it is clear.
Speaker 2:It is literally, literally clear in black and white what happened and yet, and yet those women are not believed. Um, you know, this is not about politics, but say what you want about the epstein situation, but we wouldn't need to see a list, the list would not need to be released, if we just believed the women that have come forward. Correct. So part of what we're going to talk about at the end is changing community consciousness related to this right. But that is a huge, huge issue is that this crime is underreported. Much of this crime isn't even a crime, right, because it's not illegal to call somebody names and be mean to them. Um, I don't mean to sound so flippant about it, but that's you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like that's, that's what it is, and the other part of it is that, um, part of the reasons they're not believed is because we still have a stereotype in our heads about what a DV victim looks like, what a perpetrator looks like, what DV looks like right.
Speaker 1:And then I think also, like you said, the P Diddy case is very you know, if you want to say in vogue, right now.
Speaker 1:I mean the fact that his defense lawyer was even able to go in there after. I think it was Cassie who said that she was in a, whatever they called it, a freak off for. I think she said 92 hours, something like that. Yeah and oh well, you agreed, you agreed, you agreed. Why didn't you leave? Why didn't you leave? Why didn't you leave? Why didn't you leave? So explain to us why Cassie didn't leave.
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, it's coercive control, and if you Google coercive control, which they mentioned in the trial, Yep, there is no such thing as free will when that is the case, if I decided that I did not want to finish this conversation, I could get up and leave. Yes, cassie, couldn't do that. There's also when you consider the human trafficking components of that case. For human trafficking to exist, there has to be force, fraud or coercion. So, by definition, the crime itself prevents somebody. There's no free will there, right, there's no free will there.
Speaker 2:I don't have free will to leave if you are holding X, anything over my head, which is also, by the way, elements of an abusive relationship as well, but Cassie did not have free will to leave. Also, we're all very familiar, even if it's sort of from a novelty standpoint, the idea of Stockholm syndrome. Right, you cannot, you're brainwashed, right. It's frankly like being in a cult, like for, effectively, in a lot of ways, right Casting, and everybody sort of has a better idea of what cults are now, as a result of things like Leah Remini's work in Scientology and podcasts and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:So like if, even if you can't really comprehend what it is to be in a domestic violence situation or what it is to be in a situation where you don't have free will, think about what cult members deal with and how, arguably, they're here free and that's something that like even um, oh, jonestown. Like when you, when you uh, listen or watch the documentaries on jonestown, and when the senator came in and the guy's like and he, he's like look, everybody can leave, right. And they're all like yeah, we can totally leave, we're totally happy, yeah we're great, and we're great as they're slipping paper as they're slipping notes to the senator.
Speaker 2:somebody helped me, or it said, get us out of here, or something like that, it said you know, so forced fraud and coercion exist, has to exist for human trafficking. Unless the victim is under the age of 18, then all bets are off that's irrelevant, because that's a child, right they're a minor um.
Speaker 2:So, by definition, either I'm committing fraud against you, right? I am um forcing you to do this, like it's in the statute. I'm forcing you to do this, or I am coercing you in some way. Okay, so tell me where the free will comes, and tell me where she could have left. There is none no, no, not to mention the power differential between somebody like right exactly.
Speaker 1:She walked down the hallway. He beat the living shit out of her. She tried to get away and she tried to right. Oh, by the way down the hallway.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's right. She tried to leave right, like if that isn't the perfect sort of visual example of.
Speaker 1:But then they say to play devil's advocate, they say she didn't live with him, she went back to her house. She got out of that, but then she went to go see him again, like she went back, but did she?
Speaker 2:Here's again, though. Where's the free will? Where did she go willingly? You don't know the force, fraud or coercion that brought her back there. You don't know what he had hanging over her head, right? You don't know anything about it?
Speaker 2:Yes, you don't know anything about it. Google coercive control. Also, there is an unbelievable leader in the field that really does a lot of outreach and education related to that phrase and what that really looks like Laura Richards. She is, or she was, formerly on the podcast. Yeah um real crime profile. Okay, um with the creator, producer of criminal minds, the guy that aaron hotchner's um um character on criminal minds is based off of, and they go into detail describing that yeah, she's formerly of like london.
Speaker 2:Uh, I forget what they call the like, the london equivalent of like the fbi and stuff like that she's like national law enforcement over there and founded like the paladin national stalking center.
Speaker 1:She's amazing, amazing. Well, so is that up?
Speaker 2:yeah, so is um jim clemente, like he's amazing as well. But laura richards, in particular, is she will. I couldn't do. I couldn't do her justice if I attempted to explain coercive control the way that she does. So if you google laura richards and or coercive control, she also like I mean, she's amazing, she's amazing.
Speaker 2:She's like a superhero so um, and you know one of the things they talk about on that podcast. One of the reasons why a lot of times folks aren't believed this is a perfect example um is that they have a stereotype well sean combs like he's a giant in his field. He also, by the way, up until recently, up until all of this um came to light had a pretty decent reputation.
Speaker 1:Well to yeah, to us as the people out of hollywood, but in hollywood.
Speaker 2:Supposedly they knew what a piece of shit well, they know, they always know, they know they knew about cosby, they knew about all of them, like, like.
Speaker 1:Harvey Weinstein, a lot of people for you. We didn't know as the public.
Speaker 2:But tell me how that trial was not tried in the court of public opinion first, please, because it's who you know, Right.
Speaker 1:That's why what judge, what lawyer and who you know.
Speaker 2:And it's not just because he's famous and had a somewhat decent I mean, let's face it, the man is unbelievably talented.
Speaker 1:But that doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want to do. No, but that's the privilege. That's where the privilege comes from.
Speaker 2:And that's where the power differentiates. And you said well, he can't be an offender, he is X, violence, abuse, human trafficking, coercive control, any of that force, fraud or coercion. It is an indiscriminate predator. It is like a cancer. It knows no age, no race, no socioeconomic background. It doesn't care where you live, how you dress, what car is in your driveway, where, if you go to church on sundays. So that is one of the sort of deck clearing thing that like out on the table that I like to put out there, yep. Um, the other thing to keep in mind is that, while one in three, one in seven like that's a little bit of a vague number um, every minute, 24 people people, not just women, not just whatever people are victims of some form of abuse. Every minute, 24 people. So like by the end of this conversation, over 2 000 people right will be a victim of some sort of abuse.
Speaker 2:right, that's 12 million americans each year and 3.5 billion children, and again, these are the reported cases.
Speaker 1:Right, this is what we know, and there's a ton of unreported.
Speaker 2:So when you consider that? So let's first look at when they do try to leave. Let's look at that for a second. Okay, the stats show that it takes, on average, seven to nine times of attempts to leave an abusive relationship before you leave for good. I think that's BS. I'll tell you why Again that is documented Right.
Speaker 2:That's documented, that's assuming, that's when you're looking at those kinds of stats. That's like the police came to the house, that's like they called our hotline Right. So what I suggest or what I think and this is, by the way, I work with clients every day. I talk to the women in our shelter. We have had women in our shelter years apart. Where they come in, they go back and then a year or two years later we had one client. I think I told her story.
Speaker 1:And the last time I was here that was in our shelter 25 years apart because she went back to her husband and then she came back to us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they don't change ladies, right side fun fact, fun fact. But like that too was. So you could say that client tried twice to leave. No, uh right, no way. Yeah, that is not what actually happened, because these stats do not take into account what is probably 10 times a day. They think about it, oh yeah, they contemplate it. They don't underestimate what is likely to be hundreds or even thousands of times that that individual leaves the relationship in their head, in their head, thinks about it, makes plans, waxes poetically about what it would be like on the other side and and hits, even mentally or emotionally, hits, barrier after barrier after barrier, and stops right do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 1:And then they let time go by and then try again.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So consider that it's not just what you see on the surface, it's not just that client that came to us twice in 25 years. Don't tell me that in that 25 years she didn't consider hundreds and thousands of times or made smaller efforts to leave, or maybe even said to her husband hey, if X and Y doesn't happen, I'm going to leave, and then X and Y obviously. Hey, if x and y doesn't happen, I'm gonna leave, and then x and y obviously didn't happen and she went out for the day shopping and then came home like do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2:like that is that's an attempt to leave, and just for argument's sake. Um, intimate partner violence is the blanket term. There's other terms family violence, relationship abuse, um, domestic violence, all of that stuff, teen dating violence. Ultimately, that relates to programming right at the end of the day. Intimate partner violence because you don't have to be married, you don't have to be a heterosexual, uh, couple, you don't have to be cisgender, heteronormative or anything. You don't have to be married. You don't even have to be living together, which goes back to the conversation about the PDD case, right, where she wasn't living there. She wasn't even living there. It doesn't matter, because forced fraud, coercion, abuse can happen, right.
Speaker 1:I mean far apart, you don't even know.
Speaker 2:Like we have a client who the offender has been in jail for years and she still gets somehow text messages or emails or things from him from jail, like you know, and he's like upstate, you know what I mean. Um, also, the phrase victim versus survivor for argument's sake, um, we sort of use the term victim when we're talking about somebody who's currently in the situation and then survivor once they've left. Also just for the record, victim is like a law enforcement term. So because somebody has to be the victim of the crime and somebody has to be the perpetrator or whatever.
Speaker 2:So that's also why you hear those so a lot of times. You hear those uh phrases used interchangeably, um, um. It's ultimately just for the purposes of these conversations. We kind of say victim, as in somebody who's currently experiencing it versus a survivor who has left and what have you right?
Speaker 2:Also, you'll hear me say the word client a lot, because those that receive our services we refer to as clients, right. And what is intimate partner violence? It is a pattern of coercive behavior again, pattern, coercive course of the key word here in a relationship that's used by one person to gain or maintain power and control over the other. I go deep, dive into that, um in our previous episode, um, but ultimately what happens is I always say, like a normal person says oh, I'm sorry, but I wanted to X or I wanted to Y, and the other person might say, oh, I'm sorry too. And what have you? An abuser says I'm sorry, but you Right, I'm sorry. But that I'm sorry, but work, I'm sorry, but all of the things that have nothing to do with me, Right, things that have nothing to do with me, right.
Speaker 2:And for argument's sake again, I go deeper into this in our previous episode is that there's actually six different forms of abuse from a behavioral health standpoint not necessarily legally, but from a behavioral health standpoint and from a trauma infliction standpoint. Obviously, everybody's familiar with physical. We have the verbal aspect, which is the name calling. The emotional aspect, which is the manipulation, the gaslighting and such sexual assault, which is any intimate contact without your consent. Financial, which we're going to go even deeper into in this conversation. And, of course, cyber, meaning they use anything related to cell phone.
Speaker 1:What have you?
Speaker 2:right related to cell phone. What have you right? So, of the barriers, there's like three categories that I said we're going to discuss Emotional, financial and the safety barriers, right? Okay, so, and the other part about that is the intersectionality Because of the six different forms of abuse. It's not like In real life, so like in my PowerPoint. In my PowerPoint it's got this neat graphic Like oh, look the little circles, and it's neatly organized. Thank you, microsoft PowerPoint. How can we say it?
Speaker 1:to the audience that, like you know that, they'll just understand. Like these are, you know the mainstream reasons Like so coercion, people don't leave because of that Abuse. You know hitting, pulling you back down the hall where you try to leave. That's physical, it's all abusive Right.
Speaker 2:So let's look at the intersectionality of how those categories of abuse layer. Like it becomes layers.
Speaker 1:Right, they do all of that. They do all of it in many different ways, which makes it ten times worse.
Speaker 2:Exactly so, like, for example, let's say, I get my hands on your phone, right, this is your phone. And I get my hands on it and say this is the only connection you have to your family, and you did something that pissed me off, right. And now we're arguing and I'm holding it above my head and I'm threatening to break it and I'm telling you that if you don't x, y, whatever, or say you're sorry or tell me you'll never do it again, I am going to destroy this phone. And what, if you like here you're a podcaster Is your phone not an access Right.
Speaker 2:You do take right. It is a part of your financial income or it facilitates part of your financial income. Right and now, this is a financial aspect. Also, if you don't have access to the family finances, you're not going to be able to replace this Right you can't get a new phone once you break it, and I'm telling you that if you don't make it right or if you don't be willing to do whatever, it is, I'm going to take it.
Speaker 2:I'm going to take it, I'm going to break it. Now, what did I do? I threatened physical property Because, by the way, what I'm really doing Is manipulation.
Speaker 2:What I'm doing is saying, if I'm willing to do this to your phone, I'm willing to do it to you. Also, if I do actually break this phone or like we hear a lot of stories about, like chairs being thrown against walls or holes being punched in walls, what they're actually saying is you're next, right. So I've threatened you financially. Right, because I threatened you financially because that's access. I have threatened you emotionally because that's access to your family or friends, and I'm sure I'm hailing verbal insults, right. And what did I do? I never raised a hand to you and I never raised my voice, right?
Speaker 1:And all of that is layered.
Speaker 2:So one of the things that you have to understand that it's not just these six sort of neat little categories. It's yelling, it's bruises, it's blame, it's loneliness, it's the fear of starting over Depression. Let's not forget, and let us not underestimate the physical implications of it all in the sense of the mental health Right't has the plummet hello right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like a prisoner in your own home.
Speaker 2:You are right, you are right and and, and not least of which, potentially, is because I, as the offender, have convinced you that you are no good right.
Speaker 1:No one's gonna want you. Nobody's gonna survive without me.
Speaker 2:I put up with you. I do you a favor, right, by putting up with you. Why can't you just accept me for who I am? Right, you should accept me for who I am. You'll never get better the shame, the humiliation, the gaslighting, I think I said. And then there's more dangerous things like stalking.
Speaker 1:Right and the physical threats right.
Speaker 2:So it is all layered on top of each other and it's all abuse. Of course, and it's all trauma and the layers is what makes it so complicated.
Speaker 2:So let's look at emotional barriers, not least of which is so we're going to go through a bunch of them, not least of which is the gaslighting. Right, this is a term that gets thrown around a lot, but I want to be real clear about what it really is and what the clinical definition is. It will make you question your own reality, right? So, like you hear people say, I couldn't believe my eyes. Well, you literally cannot believe your own eyes or ears or logic or anything. You think you are crazy. You had told a fantastic story when we were together last about how your former partner kept setting off the alarm right in the house and then, by the end of the night, had you convinced that you were the problem because you had a problem with him setting the alarm. He was just trying to fix it, right? What do you mean? Just trying to fix it? What do you mean Just?
Speaker 1:trying to fix it. Whatever, why can't you keep these kids? The babies kept waking up. They kept screaming. We had school the next day. Everybody was exhausted.
Speaker 2:In the meantime, he had you convinced it was your problem and your fault, because you couldn't keep the kids calm Screamed and yelled. And all he was fix the thing right, right, the shake, and that goes into shame. They will shame you into any given thing. They'll. They'll shame you about anything, right so like you can't even look yourself in the mirror, do?
Speaker 1:you know what I mean. Right, you get to that point. Yeah, it's layered. And then that, you know, comes from all the other things that you just discussed.
Speaker 2:So like, tell me how I'm just supposed to pick myself up and it's impossible, you can't. You can't, just you know. And then going back to the mental health conversation, one of the things that is very important to understand is that mental health is physical health. You cannot underestimate the effects of stress on your. I always say you cannot underestimate the effects of these three things stress, underhydration or being dehydrated and sleep. And tell me one individual in this situation that is A not stressed to the max because they're in survival mode every day, fight or flight.
Speaker 2:Right, they're in fight flight, freeze or fawn. There's actually four of those. We can get into that later if you want. But, um, tell me, they're like making sure to drink all their water when they can barely survive and put like matching socks on and they're certainly not sleeping so they're right you know what I'm saying? So, and then there's the fear. Don't forget, fear is an emotional aspect, but it's's a very, very real thing.
Speaker 1:Of course it is.
Speaker 2:The offender threatens that individual with any given outcome, I cannot tell you. First of all, one of the more common ones is I'll get your kids taken away. Let me just say for the record, it is not 1955. Okay, right, like it is not, the courts know what they're looking at thank god so right, we hope.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying it's a perfect system. It is far from a perfect system, but it's the one we have. And I am telling you, don't believe that. Just don't believe it. Just call us and talk to us. I have a client in the shelter which we're gonna list on this.
Speaker 1:So we're gonna have to do two parts of this episode, because I feel like it's gonna, it's gonna oh, maybe I don't know yeah okay, because we have like I don't know like five more minutes. Really but yeah, oh yeah, I know it went quick, wow, um, but we're definitely gonna do a part two to this. Oh, okay, um, so, but we will put your the number and all the services and the information on the bottom for everybody once again to be able to.
Speaker 2:You just call us, just talk it out, because whatever they're threatening you with, I guarantee you the majority of it is not even feasible, it's not even a thing, it's not even real, right, not even real.
Speaker 1:But that's how it's layered, like you said, and this is why people don't leave because of all these layers financial, physical, mental lies.
Speaker 2:They minimize everything, so the offender minimizes everything they do to the victim. So now the victim says, well, maybe, maybe it was me, maybe it was me.
Speaker 1:Well, they always think it's them. They always do.
Speaker 2:They always think it's them and by the way, and with that comes guilt and blame. They blame themselves. Don't forget the isolation part, where they're isolated.
Speaker 1:From friends, from family, because they've stopped going out Right, they've stopped talking about it.
Speaker 2:They've stopped whatever.
Speaker 1:Which is the worst. We discussed that last time. Never give up your financial freedom if you can't, if you can right, if you can always have a piece of that.
Speaker 2:And let's also for not forget this, and this is a very, very powerful thing hope they, hope that offender will change why? Because that's what the offender is feeding them, right, they're like he or she is literally feeding, because and then they'll be good one day and they'll be all nice.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, I love you. I, whatever, I would never, I'll never do it again.
Speaker 2:And then what happens is the next time it happens, not if, but when it's. And you say to that person again thinking you're crazy, Well, didn't we just talk about this? Well, no, this is a totally different situation because of this one piece of semantics or something like that they make excuses, they make all kinds of excuses. And then let me also point out the normalization. Okay, if somebody grows up in this situation, or if somebody has been, it's their norm. It's their norm, it's their baseline.
Speaker 2:It's what they go for, yeah we talk about baseline and rape and everything it's what their station?
Speaker 1:It's baseline, it's baseline. It's baseline, it's what it's there, believe it or not. It's their car. It's there, or?
Speaker 2:how? About what if you grew up in a physically abusive home and the person you're with is everything but so you're like well, it's not like he hits me, mm. Hmm, and that's their baseline.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Like that. Baseline matters, your baseline matters, and it doesn't matter too, because there are plenty of women that didn't have that baseline and get sucked into these relationships and end up. So let's quickly recap, like those categories that you told us about, and then in part two, we'll deep dive into all of them.
Speaker 2:Well, this was which we can go a little bit more into. Part two, the emotional barriers. So I sort of break it up into, and this is just my spiel.
Speaker 1:There's a million, but the way that I like because I like to organize all my points Right so like the average person can understand.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so the average thing is. The most common thing is there's emotional barriers, which there's thousands or millions associated with.
Speaker 1:These are just the big categories there's financial, Again, thousands or millions.
Speaker 2:And then the physical safety and we are going to get into in that aspect, we're going to get into some scary stats about what that physical safety looks like.
Speaker 1:Okay, and that's great. Yeah, no, I love this conversation and we're definitely for our audience. We're definitely going to do a part two and we're going to get into a deep dive of each one and we're going to continue on why people don't leave and I love how we took this and we right now it's perfect with the P Diddy thing because a lot of people can relate to that.
Speaker 1:A lot of people are watching this and hearing people report on it and, like with Cassie, you can relate. The coercion was very easy for me as the average person and not you who deals with this all day. For me to relate oh that is court. Oh, she went for the 92, but she came back. And why did she come back? And because maybe some people that are not in domestic violence situations, like myself, it makes it easier for us to also understand.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think that, as human beings too, you try to say to yourself like you can't comprehend how a female like that would be under the control and coercion of somebody else. So in some ways it's almost a survival mechanism. I think where you're like, that can't be real.
Speaker 1:Right, or I would never do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would never do that. You know it's very hard.
Speaker 1:No, but we want people. I'm hoping that people that are in the position that aren't abusive relationships are listening to this episode and at least getting a little insight and we'll be able to call your services and get help. That's why we do this here on Dating Daycare so that everybody the people that are in it and out of it, you know can all kind of relate and help other people that you may know or direct them to our podcast here.
Speaker 2:And we'll get into it more obviously at the end of the second one. But for argument's sake, our hotline, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, is 631-666-8833. We are there, we believe you, and you are not alone.
Speaker 1:Wonderful. Thank you so much, and we will be doing a part two to this, and we will be because there's so much to talk about. There's always so much to talk about. Thank you so much. Thanks, melissa, you're welcome, and I can't wait for our second part. We will be back soon.
