Mindset - Redefining Impossible with Darren Edwards

In this episode of the Stay Hungry podcast, we speak with Darren Edwards, former climber, mountaineer, and Special Forces reservist, whose life took an unexpected turn after a severe climbing accident left him paralysed. Faced with a new reality, Darren had to completely rethink his approach to challenges, resilience, and success.

We explore his journey from military training to extreme adaptive adventures, discussing how he rebuilt his identity, set ambitious new goals, and developed a mindset that refuses to be limited by circumstance. Darren shares lessons in accountability, overcoming setbacks, and why purpose plays a crucial role in navigating change - insights that apply to both business and life.

🔹 Key Takeaways from the Episode:

• The Mindset of Resilience – How Darren turned adversity into an opportunity for reinvention.

• Why Purpose is Everything – The power of setting ambitious goals, even in the darkest moments.

• Accountability & Mental Strength – How elite military training prepared him for life’s toughest challenge.

• The Pursuit of Excellence – Why striving for your best, no matter the circumstances, changes everything.

• Pushing Boundaries – From SAS Reserves to extreme adaptive adventures, Darren’s journey to reclaiming his identity.

Darren’s story is a reminder that setbacks don’t have to define you; how you respond to them does. Whether you’re facing challenges in business or life, this episode offers a fresh perspective on resilience and adaptation.

Links:

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Transcript

0:13

Hi everyone, welcome back to the Stay Hungry podcast. Today, the episode is called Redefining Impossible. I will explain shortly, but I'm delighted to welcome Darren Edwards to the podcast. Thank you, buddy, thanks for having me. Darren, we met in a strange way, in the sense that we didn't meet at all. I saw you speak on stage in Birmingham at a very, very big business conference, and you blew me away. I don't know how to introduce you on this podcast without giving the story away. So, I guess, let's get into it. Who is Darren Edwards? Good question. Darren Edwards is, on the day that we met, slash didn't really meet, but we were in the same room, I was coming out on stage to, what was it, like 1,400 people or something like that? Yeah, yeah. Completely overwhelmed. Probably the biggest business conference there is in this country. It emerged through some fireworks and a smoke machine, thinking, how on earth do I start this talk and live up to the entrance that had just been put on for me? So, I think the way that that entrance framed who I am is, I would now say I'm an adaptive adventurer, an expedition leader. I do a bit of speaking as well, as per our meet. But for me, in a former life, I was a climber and a mountaineer, someone who was very fixed on what he wanted to achieve in life. And part of that had gone through selection with the Special Forces Reserve and training with that. And then I obviously had the accident that I'm sure we'll talk about. And I've rebuilt a life as an adventurer with a disability. And I think we try and steer away from saying a disabled adventurer, because that inherently implies that there's something you can't do. So, adaptive is more reflective of the fact that you adapt and overcome. And with the right mindset, why can't you do these incredible things? Yeah. Yeah. That was a weird intro to who I am, sorry. Well, yeah, you didn't actually say a single thing about who you are. No. I mean, you mentioned an accident, which we will get to, but pre-accident then, what was Darren's life? Obviously, you joined the forces. Yeah, yeah. So, well, I grew up initially in inner-city London, which my accent doesn't portray at all. A little. A little. I used to pronounce my R's as W, so it would be a bit of a downer. You don't sound like you're from Shrewsbury. All right. Well, I was going to say, good God, no. How do, mon? How do? No, don't say mon, that's one thing. But like, so I grew up with a dad that was proper apples and pears, and West Ham, you know, West Ham through and through. So, up until the age of like 11 or 12, all I knew was city life, and that was for me my future. Then we move all of a sudden to this random place called Shrewsbury that I've never heard of before. But all of a sudden there's hills and rivers and mountains kind of, you know, like on the doorstep. And it opened up this new life for me and my sibling, my younger sister, where we weren't limited by a city environment. We suddenly were encouraged to be outside, to, you know, go and climb hills and go and learn to do this and learn to do that, you know, in an outdoor setting. So for me, that started a love affair and a passion for climbing, for mountaineering that, you know, ultimately, I think it was those experiences of getting out of your comfort zone, learning what you can achieve and actually failing and coming back and, you know, trying again and succeeding second or third or fourth time. And it was that kind of inspiration, I think, when I started to just start my career as a teacher of all things, as a history teacher, but I wanted like an additional challenge alongside normal life. And I kept hearing about the SAS Reserve. And I kept hearing about like, you know, if you want to join a reserve unit, this is the toughest unit in the world. And the selection process for it is just as attritional as the regular SAS or SBS in terms of the numbers that start and then the numbers that finish at the end. And you're talking about, you know, you start with 150 people and you might finish with eight. So for me, it was like, if you're gonna aspire to be a reservist, then aspire to be the best. So I kind of, you know, applied, went through the initial physical sort of, you know, selection process, which lasts six months. And they're like pushing you over the hills with the Brecon Beacons. So it's like the fan dance and that kind of thing. All of that good stuff, you know, insurance, you know, at the end of, so you do six months. At the end of those six months, you then join the regulars for their condensed two weeks. And you're kind of like sat next to Marines and paras and, you know, people that are really like stellar career and obviously had done operational tours. And they're like, oh, so what unit are you in? And you say that you're a reservist. They're like, so you have a day job. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm just starting my teaching career. And they're like, are you mad? Is this what you do for fun? I was like, well, not fun, but you know, it's kind of, so I think you get the respect from the regulars who all they know is soldiering. So they're doing what they do. Whereas this concept of on a Monday morning, you go back to a work environment, absolutely shattered. And I did that two weeks, you know, and passed. And you finished with insurance, which is like, you know, you've got 24 hours to go across the Brecon Beacons and back. You have a huge burger on your back. That's the thing that sometimes people die on, right? Yeah, well, the course before I started, it was in the papers and on the news because three guys attempting selections died. And that was the course before my course. So when we started, we had to carry, it was winter, but we were carrying like four kilos, four litres of water as a minimum at all times because those guys died of dehydration. Yeah, and I think people don't realise that they'd chosen to carry less water to make it easier for themselves. There's a weight consideration. And I think when you don't maybe appreciate how hard you're working and actually how hot it was going to get, you know, on the Beacons that day, and some of these checkpoints are remote mountaintops in the middle of nowhere. So there'll be a tent with a DS and that tent and DS probably didn't lug up. Yeah, they're not super. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, because that's X amount of weight. So like, I think that goes to show that just because it was a reserve unit didn't make it easy to get into. So yeah, so that's kind of where you go through that initial selection process. You then go through a really intensive training process where then they know that you're fit enough, but that now they need to know whether you can soldier well enough. So, you know, you'd be given a weapon. This is all over the weekends again. So every other weekend, at the end of six months, you've got your two week condensed battle camp and every weekend they'll be giving, they'll give you a new weapon, an assault rifle one weekend, heavy machine gun next weekend, light machine gun the weekend after. And you go through the training and the testing and you've got to do your weapon handling tests at the end of the weekend, having not slept, having been smashed through forests and on patrols. And, you know, you learn in maybe a matter of hours what a regular unit would have multiple weeks to learn for each weapon. And every weekend you get thrown. So it's all about, can you learn quickly? Can you adapt? Can you think on your feet? Can you work in a small team? Can you assimilate lots of information quickly? So. For me like when we talk about My life before my accident my life before my accident was actually a really good grounding for what was about to happen Mmm, because it was all about you know, can you adapt? Can you be resilient? Can you? Look a goal and the future and be ambitious but also really hold yourself to account to get in there So I'm kind of planting the seed of a question. I'll ask later What the hell makes someone want to do that because that's such an unusual thing to be like I don't just want to be a reserve which I've got friends who were raised in military families But didn't want to go military full-time want to be a reserve still want to have a like they're towing To want to be an a special forces reserve is odd It's cool, but it's odd. Yes, it's not easy. It's not it's not like the easiest thing to pick. Um, Why I? think for me it was to be surrounded by the best and I think there was an attraction to that. I think you know growing up I read a lot of stories of you know Like SAS heroes and books like that and it was always that like one of the ethos is the unrelenting pursuit of excellence Yeah, and I think for me that isn't about And I think for me that isn't about Being perfect or saying that you are excellent. It's this unrelenting pursuit of yeah, there's no ceiling Yeah, and you're constantly striving to to prove what you can do. And and I think for me Climbing and mountaineering is a very visceral representation of that because as you get more confident and your skills Increased you get higher or you climb harder So for me, I think that was a very natural lead-on to like SAS reserve which is like You could join the reserves, but then you could also go for this So it kind of the mindset was was there. Um Yeah, and I think come success or come failure. I wanted to give give it a shot to prove that I could do it Yeah, you must have learned a lot about yourself. Mmm going through that definitely I think when the chips are down and when when you're battered bruised exhausted Can you keep pushing and I think for me that really that really helped in my rehab, you know Because that was all about being battered bruised and exhausted and being asked to do one more repetition To get off off the floor again back in. Yeah. Yeah. So for me that was like being back out some, you know windswept mountaintop in Elan or Brecon and then giving your name and number to the DS in the tent And all he does is give you six figures Which is your next good reference you figure out on your map where that is and it's the mountaintop You just came from and it's just a test because people quit in that moment, you know Or you you know, they'll play a trick where you get to what you think is the end Because there's trucks wait in there And the next thing you told is a good reference of where you've just come from yeah and you turn around and you Shit, but you you go back and sometimes they'll call you when you're 100 meters away from the truck. It was just a test But there's another guy who got that good reference figured out where it was and broke down and just went now I'm done so yeah, see I This is so pathetic now, but my business coach made us do Snowden at midnight with the SAS And it just happened that that day it was pissing down and That was it. It was just Snowden. We were gonna set off at 10, but the weather was so bad They said let's wait till midnight the weather didn't improve Like it's now or never because by the time we get back down There'll be lots of people trying to do Snowden because lots of people do it for sunrise and blah blah blah my word it was All right, I grew up in South Shropshire in the hills. I've hiked my whole life Hardest thing I've ever done and that's just like a tiny taste of what you don't mountains a mountain Well, I I didn't respect that. Yeah, and I've learned my lesson night big-time like it was pissing down at the base and this is it this was in May yeah, and it was snowing at the top yeah, and I've never been so wet through I've never had so much pain through my body yeah, I've been so relieved to get to the bottom and I was like and this is just like Half a day. Yeah, but there's no I think with mountaineering There's no just because every mountain is difficult weather conditions as you found out can make something a hundred times worse Yeah, you went back on a glorious summer's day with all the time in the world to do it. You'd be fine Yeah, I mean, but I think mountains are humbling you kind of You can't ever quite think this is gonna be a walk in the park and 25 kilos is a lot heavier than you realize After two hours. Yeah, it's that burns, you know, like you feel it. I was drinking water just to get the weight down I didn't I wasn't thirsty okay, so Um, obviously you've had a big life-changing moment. Hmm. How did that come about? So I came about doing some doing the thing that I loved like so that was you know for me my weekends were doing Multiple, you know things that we've already spoken about she just did more of that. Yeah, I've don't punish myself enough I'm gonna climb more things. Yeah. Yeah, clearly idiot but you know, even during the week I do that I'd like to finish work and drive to We're not far from like we're on the doorstep of some really good climbs. Yeah. Yeah, and so that particular weekend I headed to a rock face called world's end which you know is is 45 minutes from here just inside sort of North Wales and I went with my best mate who you know I'd climbed with since we were 15 16 and You know, this particular rock face is called world's end It's 300 foot vertical limestone rock face I think there was some drone footage in the talk I gave that tries to give you some sense of like You stand at the base of this thing and you look up and you've just got these four stacked Yeah, people go just to look at it And you kind of I went back recently with a guy who's making a documentary about my kind of journey and I went back and just sort of sat there and he looked at me and said how the hell did you survive and I was Like I don't really know because you know, you're kind of climbing in your pair and We're Lee climbing. It's the Lee climbers putting in the gear and clipping the rope through and you're ascending and The guy who's below is feeding the rope and just watching in case anything happens And if something happens you you sort of arrest the food But we spent a really beautiful summer's day climbing and then we stood on a six foot wide ledge That's the final sort of pitch or section of rock to the top and I walk away from Matt Along this little ledge and there's a picture that he takes of me as I'm walking away from him Which would become the last image of me, you know in that Phase of my life. You just don't know it in the moment and I start to climb and it's at the limit of my technical ability and I'll be very humble and say that I'm not like a Alex Honnold who climbs Blumenau Capitan with no ropes But I got to the top of this climb And it was once I was at, you know, that point of pride and achievement, and you've just done something difficult. So you get that little buzz. And it's as I kind of, you know, peer down over my shoulder to Matt, who's on that ledge below me looking up at me. And then as I turn, so my back is now against the drop, because I'm about to walk away to set up a point from which I can protect him as he climbs up to me. You know, I've replayed this scenario in my head thousands of times, and I never come to the definitive answer as to what, why, what happened happened. But as I shift and my weight moves beneath my feet, it causes what must have been a crack in that rock or a weakness in that rock that's probably been there for hundreds of years to collapse beneath my feet. And I'm just stood on the center of this mass. So there's no way I can get forward or sideways off it. And before I really appreciate what's happening, that's collapsed beneath my feet and has broken off from the top of World's End, is now falling into the void below, you know. And the only real thing between me and the very bottom was this one ledge. And if I hit it, I had to stay on it to survive. But as I'm falling, I think I've done the mental, like, calculation of what my chance is here, because time seemed to elongate. And it wasn't one, two, three. It was like one, two. So I had a lot of time to think about... That whole, like, your whole life flashes before your eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It wasn't in the sense of, like, your childhood to your teen years to your kind of first love and all of that Hollywood shit. It was kind of more the things in life that you were gonna miss. And for me, the order that that went in, and I'll never forget, was my mum. I never thought I was a mummy's boy until that moment. And that's the first person that came into my head. Then my dad, then my sister, then my girlfriend, then a list of a few friends. And then I hit the deck. And I hit this ledge. But I hit it with so much force that I wasn't gonna land and stop. I landed and was almost, like, projected towards the edge of the ledge and the next drop. And Matt, somehow, I don't know how, reacts in time and reaches my body and then has this split-second decision to make as to what he does next. And the only thing he feels like he could do to save me was to throw himself on me. So he just throws his body on top of my body and just grabs hold of my torso. And, you know, we've chatted about this in the months that followed. He just grabbed hold, hoping that his weight would pin me to the floor. Whereas in reality, grabbing hold of a nearly 80-kilo weight that's moving with real energy could have just taken us both off that ledge. And, you know, I think as I just shut my eyes, knowing I was about to slip and fall to my... I would have died. Like, there's no way I'd have survived. As I shut my eyes, I then feel that weight on my chest and I feel like I've stopped. And that's what happened. He got to me on the edge of that ledge and put his body on the line to save his best mate. And I think that's, like, unconditional bro love for you. You know, but that started a three-hour rescue. You know, I think very quickly, probably within a couple of seconds and minutes, I knew that I was badly injured. Because the first thing, once Matt got off me and pulled me back from this, you know, imminent doom, I tried to stand up. And I couldn't really feel anything below my chest. And I kind of put it down to shock and we kind of said, just stay there and don't move for a bit and you're going to be all right. And then as the minutes passed by, I was like, right, I'm going to try again. But even when I said out loud, I'm going to try again, I'd already been... I'd been trying for the last few minutes to flick a foot or to wiggle a toe. That's when the reality dawned on me. And as I tried that second time to properly stand up, my whole body below my chest stayed static as my chest moved up. And I think for me, that was, like, the oh, shit moment. How did that feel? Scary, vulnerable, weak. Like, all of those emotions about, I think, denial a little bit as well. You know, no, I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine. And then, you know, it's about an hour before the mountain rescue team turn up. As soon as they turn up, this word spinal keeps coming up. And it's like, you know, suspected spinal injury, let's move him onto the spinal board, let's... So there's already this seed being planted that they've seen this before, they know. And I always remember that when they moved me, as they moved me, there was this shooting pain in my back and they actually sort of dislodged a bit of my climbing equipment. And we later found out that as I landed, the force of that impact broke my back anyway. But as I landed, one of my climbing bits of equipment that you would put into the rock, which is solid metal, had in all likelihood been against my back as I landed. So you're putting huge force on top of... And your spine's very exposed as well. Yeah, exactly. So we were there for three hours. And then two hours, you know, in Coast Guard helicopters hovering above, lowers the winchman down. They kind of sort me onto a inflatable cocoon that could take me up to this chopper that's hovering above. And it's three really, like, daunting hours where you're going through this emotional wave of denial, acceptance, anger, you know, that kind of change curve that you go through. And I think I went through that thing, like, four times. But then by the end of the three hours, you know, like, everybody's... You can imagine the scene in, like, you know, a military Chinook helicopter where everyone's sort of, like, hunkered down as that rotor blade is beating down on you. It's as everybody's doing that and covering my body, as I'm just about to be winched up, that I kind of say to myself internally and then say to Matt, you know, whatever happens next, just don't let it beat you. And that was, like, the internal phrasing. And I remember grabbing Matt and saying, whatever happens, just don't let me give up. So I think that was me holding myself to account and then getting my best mate to hold me to account. Where's that come from, to understand about accountability? I think that's probably the experiences of mountaineering and reserve stuff before. You know, that kind of respect and acknowledgement that ultimately if you want to work towards something and see something change, you're the... It's on you. Yeah, it's your prerogative. It's no-one else's. And I think, for me, there was something about making that little commitment that for the first time in three hours you're going to look back towards me. Yeah, there's not... I don't know many people that have been through something like that, but very few people are self-accountable, even in moments of panic, let alone... Yeah, but maybe that's because, you know, you've got that... Had I been airlifted out after an hour, I wouldn't have got to that point. But actually, when you're left in that scenario for long enough... You're only left with two choices, give up or self-accountable. One is, does the 6th of August define you for the rest of your life? That was a day of my accident. Or is the 6th of August part of context and you're defined by what you do next? So I think the three hours was just long enough for me to come to that conclusion of, no, I'm not going to be defined by that rock. Yeah. I'll be defined by what I do with the hand that's dealt. So... And what hand was dealt? What does 12 months look like? Yeah, tough, tough. So like, I woke up the next morning in Stoke, major trauma unit, so in an intensive care unit. I'd gone through a nine hour surgery, you know, and they discovered that when they operated, as I'd landed, I'd just snapped my spine into two pieces, you know, two clean pieces, two clean bits of spinal cord no longer connected, which is the ultimate kind of, your chances of recovering are based on how much damage is to the spinal cord, and mine were like, yeah. So I remember waking up, and there's a surgeon stood at the end of my bed, who'd been the guy that operated on me, and he was just doing the rounds, doing the ward, and so my timing of waking up was just, good fortune, I guess, because he was very blunt in his delivery, which I think medical professionals have to do, and he kind of said, look, I'm really sorry, but you know, this has happened, this is the injury, and I can say, you know, with an absolute certainty that no matter how hard you try, in a year or two or three or four years' time, there's no version of this where you're stood back up on your feet, walking, or back in the mountains, I'm really sorry, and that landed like a lead weight, felt like I'd been stabbed in the heart, but he then paused and then said, but if I can encourage you to do one thing, it's to learn to look to the future and not the past, and in that moment, part of me just felt compelled to punch this guy, because I'd been told the opposite of what I wanted to hear, which was like, you know, if you give it everything, Darren, I believe that you can do this. You'll be the one person, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whereas he was like, forget that, this is the reality, and then he offered this bit of kind of like, look ahead, not behind you, and it was far too philosophical for me in that moment, but actually, as the days pass, and as I'm kind of like in intensive care, and you're slowly making this recovery in terms of your, oh, your body's fighting to recover from like intense surgery to start with, you're not in any. Yeah, you're in shock, physical shock. You're in physical shock, psychological shock, but as I started to recover, and I started to be a bit more compass mentis, I kept coming back to this, look to the future, not the past, and I think I then started to appreciate that what he was saying is that, look, things change, and no one on this planet can go back to yesterday and change the events of yesterday, like we're in some sort of like Marvel universe, you know, with the Time Stone. Ultimately, it's your ability to look to the future and ahead of you, and not waste time appearing this way to events that can no longer be changed, you know, because doors shut. The day of my accident, doors shut behind me, but doors were still ahead of me to be found, to be opened, but you're never gonna find them if for the next year, two years, three years, I'm looking the wrong way, and always trying to chase the greatest hits of the past kind of thing. So you start, you know, in intensive care, and then essentially five months of intense rehab. You move for intensive care, you then start what they call six weeks of bed rest, which is quite literally being immobilized in a bed for six weeks, lying flat on your back, can't do anything for yourself. You can just about feed yourself. The rest, bladder, bowels, all of the intimate stuff is being done for you because you're not allowed to sit up. Yeah. So you're literally just being sort of moved from on slightly on one side of this bed with pillows to the other side every four hours. To stop you getting blisters and boils. Yeah, pressure sores and all that. And then you've got like this little hospital TV that's above your head. And you really like, those six weeks last a long time. And it's your friends and family that rally around you in those moments that keep you upbeat and keep you entertained and supported. Because six weeks, when you don't leave a bed, lasts a long time. Yeah. A lot of time to think, a lot of time to come to terms with things as well. And for me, like, I was very lucky the Paralympics were on TV during that six week period. So you had these like role models of kayakers, rowers, sprinters that had been blown up, hit by a car, born with a condition that was showing the world. Like, I'm not defined by the car that hit me or the bomb that blew up and blew my leg off. I'm defined by like, me as a Paralympic athlete. So I think for me, this seed had been planted as to that life was still there to be captured and that there was still opportunity. And I think I took that inspiration and empowerment into my three months of physical rehab where they're rebuilding you from like, quite literally the ground up, your weakest physical state ever, your weakest psychological state ever. And they're just putting the sort of, you know, the foundations in place and they're starting to build the bricks and they're building the house back. That means that one day you can leave this and go back to some normality and to leave and to find new dreams and passions and things you wanna, you know, define you. So for me, like I said earlier, those three months really resembled a lot about my experiences mountaineering and my experiences with the military because it was constantly being asked to go one further. It was constantly being told, you know, you're gonna have to adapt because this no longer works like this. So, you know, find the solution, don't find the problem. So I loved it. Like in a weird way, I loved those three months. I mean, they were as hard as they were psychologically and as much as you're still coming to terms with the frustrations of why can't I do this and how am I gonna deal with never being able to run up a mountain or a hill again, you've kind of, you've got this task ahead of you, something's being asked of you. So it's that unrelenting pursuit of excellence thing again for me. Why? And you've probably just painted the most positive picture I think I've ever heard. If you don't mind me digging a little bit, obviously things went on around that. Like you said, you had a girlfriend. What happened there? So that was the hardest. Yeah, that was the hardest bit because for me, like people assume that rock bottom was quite literally world's end for me. You know, the definition of rock meets bottom. But actually like for me, one of the people that I said to you, like I thought about when I was falling was this girl who I thought I was gonna marry, was the love of my life, that I couldn't see my future without. And actually psychologically, I was like, I need you more than ever now. You know, and I need you to love me through this. And then it's funny that you look back with the benefit of hindsight, but over the course of those five months in hospital, I saw, I didn't see, but I see now looking back, that person become, her presence not so frequent, her emotional availability not so obvious. You know, but in that moment, I didn't see it because I was so desperate for this person to love me and to never, ever leave me. And then I'm two weeks before my discharge. I'm going home to the home that we share together. And she came in and just broke the news that she couldn't see how we were gonna survive as a couple. She couldn't see how she could support me through it. And I remember she just broke down and said, and I remember she just broke down in tears in front of me and said, I'm so sorry, I just can't do this. And sort of, you know, not stormed out of the hospital, but being overcome by emotion just had removed herself from the situation. Yeah, it felt abrupt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I never saw her again. Never saw her again? No, and- How does that, like, Logistically, how does that unravel? Yeah, I don't know. But she left, never answered a call again. Yeah, no matter how hard I tried, that was, I think that was her way of cutting a painful cord. And I get it, from her perspective now, at the time I didn't. Of course. But, you know, I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to have done that. But that took me three years, two, three years to start thinking like that. Before that, up until that point, I was quite bitter, and how could you leave me? You know, like, you're wrong. And it's all of that kind of like, we've all probably been there with breakups. You feel like you've got something to prove, they've done you wrong, you've, you know. You forget about how she probably felt. She might have had doubts about the relationship going into my accident, and then all of a sudden she's trapped. And she's like, I can't. And the societal pressure. Exactly, exactly. So, but this is the benefit of hindsight. This is the benefit of healing, me talking about it from a very healthy place now. But, you know. I mean, I was raised in a house where my dad had severe mental health issues. Yeah. And my mum's family pressured her to stay with him. Yeah. So I get it. Yeah. Like, there's two sides to it. Like, the outside world is going, he's unwell. Yeah, yeah, you can't. You've got to support him. But she did, you know, in the long run, she did the right thing, you know. For you, yeah. For me and for her. But, you know, when that actually happened, that killed me. And that is, if I'm being completely honest, you know, I think I might have said it during the talk, that is the first time, four and a half months after my accident, I gave up. And I no longer held myself to account to that promise of whatever happens. Because part of whatever happens was this. Was this relationship ending. But I never thought it was an adversity I'd have to face. So that was the darkest moment. So that was the darkest moment. And that was the moment that, for the first time in my life and the only time in my life, I didn't want to be here. Read him, you know, you can read him between the lines of that. I just, I just, I just didn't see the point. I just didn't. If the person that I thought loved me unconditionally doesn't love me enough to get through this with me, then maybe my life isn't worth living. You know, and that was the kind of psychological conclusion I came to. And in that darkness, you know, everybody says the classic kind of, you know, get easier day by day. And there'll be someone out there that will love you regardless. There's plenty more fish in the sea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know that they're trying to come to you from a supportive place. But positivity isn't this switch that we can just flick on and off at will. Yeah, like the old adage of when people say, pull yourself together. Well, fuck off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you always say. Oh, can I switch? I've said shit a few times. You said F, so I can say fuck now. But that's when Kate, my physio, who I'd worked with for four months, and you know, she'd been there right from day one and I was kind of like this weak shell of a bloke, you know, and she'd rebuilt me to like some sense of normality. And it was about a week after the breakup, you know, I'd not gone to physio, not gone to therapy, I'd just like told the world to like, you know, and I kind of kept myself to myself. It just did a finger gesture for people who were listening. Yeah, I told the world to fuck off. But, you know, it was part of my, I'm done. Like I'm really done. And then she came up to me and she said, look, there's nothing I can say that's gonna make you feel better. But what I want you to do, and if you do one thing for me, is think about the man you want to become. You know, in four years time, what's Darren Edwards gone on to achieve? Who is he? Retrace his steps from where he is there to where you are right now, this conversation with me. And all I'm asking you to do is to take one tiny step at a time. And when I leave, just take the first tiny step towards the man you want to become. And she was like, just do that for me. And I'd obviously had enough respect for Kate and built up enough of a connection with her that I kind of indulged this, you know, in four years time, where do you want to be? And I kind of had this image in my head and I was like, well, why not in four years time, be at the Paralympic Games? Having watched it in hospital this year in four years time, be at the Games. And all of a sudden I had this image in my head, this image of me in a kayak for some reason. I don't know why. I think probably because there was something about the symbolism of not being in a wheelchair, being in something that looks normal. And that kind of retraced his steps to this heartbroken wreck of a bloke that's kind of in hospital right now. And I thought, well, how did he get from here to there? And the first thing he did was ask for help, which isn't something that blokes do at the best of times. So I got my phone out, I called up Matt, you know, the guy that saved my life. And I said, there's something I need you to come and do. Would you pick me up from hospital tomorrow? And he's like, okay. So he turns up the next morning, he's like, where are we going? And I was like, oh, we're going to a kayak and a canoe shop in Manchester, which is like two hours away. And he was like, right, okay. We just started the car, didn't question me, didn't try and challenge me. Two hours later, we're at this counter, this guy's like, right, so how much kayaking have you done? And I'm like, I've never been in a boat in my life. I love this. Everyone should have that one ride or die trip. The whole like, don't ask me any questions. Who are we killing and where are we burying the bodies? That's the town. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, whose car are we taking? But it was that, and he stood next to me and he kind of like looked down at me and he was like, well, if you're doing it, I'm doing it. So I buy a kayak, he buys a kayak, I buy a paddle, he buys a paddle, buoyancy aid, buoyancy aid. And we rock back up a hospital later that day. I find Kate, I get her to come out to the car with me. And I point like really proud and triumphantly to the roof of Matt's car, which has got these two matching kayaks strapped to it, thinking that she was going to be overflowing with this is exactly what I wanted you to do. And she just looked at me and went, please tell me that's not yours. Because I think for her, she was like, oh my God, you're going to kill yourself. You're going to drown yourself the second you get out of hospital. But it was all part of this image of me four years time at the Paralympic Games. And the first step I had to take was to buy a kayak. The second step I had to take was actually get in it. And after five months of rehab, I'm discharged on the 23rd of December. And on the 24th of December, Christmas Eve, my mates had booked the local swimming pool in Oswestry of all places. And it was my opportunity to get on the water and to start this journey of learning to kayak and becoming the man I wanted to become. So I think for me, Kate's advice is the most powerful I've ever had. It's the glimmer of hope in a very dark place. It's this image to work towards. Yeah, and it's strange how that happens. People that listen to the podcast will have heard me talk about severe struggles with depression, anxiety, and the little glimmers of hope that people give you that they don't realise. And anything profound, a bit like the surgeon, what he said to you, it sometimes takes years to unpack how profound that was. You don't realise in the moment. And I think anyone that's like business owners listening to this, anyone that's been to a dark place will be able to point to those little profound things that give you a sense of purpose. And I think for a man in particular, lacking purpose is really dangerous. It's a really difficult place to be when you're just slogging for no reason. It's tied into your self-worth and the way that you consider your own value. You know, having a, why am I getting... And I think for me, when I left hospital, it was that purpose that helped me to put everything into perspective. So when I woke up and it takes longer to get dressed... and all of the stuff that was frustrating and you're falling out of your chair, you're making a tear out of yourself, still heartbroken, it was this kind of like, but I'm in pursuit of something. And it was this purpose, which was the reason that I knew I had to get up, get out of bed, go back to the world and reengage and build myself back up. But if I'd left hospital without Kate's advice, without this image of who I wanted to become, I think I would have floundered. I think I'd have left hospital not knowing why. Yeah, you needed that little bit of guidance. Yeah, I needed this like, you know, this mountaintop, this summit, this Everest kind of, you know, thing to aspire to, because that's who I'd been before. You know, it was like aspire to one day. Yeah, I guess your temperature for that is extreme. It can be on occasions. If you've done Special Forces reserves, then when it comes to like, right, I need a goal, your temperature was, well, Paralympics, obviously. Yeah, it should have just been learn to kite. Well, some people, it can be as simple as like, I'd love to be able to comfortably make myself breakfast again. But that matches your personality. It's like, you know, are you going to go in the reserves? No, I'm going to go in the SAS reserves. Are you going to go rock climbing? No, I'm going to climb one of the most difficult faces in the UK. Yeah. Are you going to learn to kayak? No, I'm going to compete in the Olympics. It's like. True to form. Yeah. True to form. Yeah, yeah, it's like, if I'm going to do this, I'm going all in. I think that one of the first things I was told was that you've got to categorically change your self-identity. And I got told that, and I reeled against it inside. I was like, no, no, no, no. I was like, you know, like, that's a red line. I don't want to change. I might have to change what I do, but I don't want to change who I am. So like anybody, if someone tells you you can't do that, you're suddenly more motivated to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's a bloke thing too, right? You're not going to be able to do that. Yeah, watch this. Yeah. But yeah, so it's purpose, I think, is when it comes to resilience is so important. Yeah. So what happened next? So when I came out, obviously, I turned up at the National Water Sports Centre in Nottingham for about three months after I got discharged from hospital. So you go from Oswald Street Baths. Oswald Street Swimming Pool, falling in constantly. I think I capsized 27 times by the time I got to the middle of a 25-meter swimming pool. To an Olympic-grade canoe and kayak centre. Yeah, so that was like from a swimming pool to a canal, a canal to a river, a river to a lake. It was like there was a progression over three months. Still useless. In three months. Doing something that takes people 20 years to achieve. But then rocked up at this National Water Sports Centre, had completely fabricated my level of experience and degree of competence, and getting assessed by the head coach who's like a multi-Olympian. He's like a legend in the world called Steve Train. And I push off from the side of this bank to drift into the middle of the lake, to sprint in one direction, turn around, sprint back, and to kind of show him what I've got. And I push off from the side. And I think within 30 centimetres of this bank, I'm upside down for the first of many times. And he looks at me and just kind of gives me the opportunity to kind of leave with a bit of pride and taxes. Do you want to get up, get out, and get on the road? And I'm like, sorry, Steve, can I try one more time? Push off for a second time, I get another 30 centimetres further, fall in, and he's like, shower, changed, go home. And I'm like, third time lucky, third time another. And we just do this over and over for an hour and a half. Hour and a half later, I'm in the middle of the lake. I've not done a single sprint. And I fall in, and he kind of just shouts at me, like, shower, change, meet me in my office. And it was like the first time he wasn't telling me to go home, it was like, let's have a chat. And he just sat me down and said, look, I'll be completely honest, you've got absolutely no talent. And I was like, yeah, head hung in shame, but kind of, yep, get it. You know, I know I don't, I'm pretty shit. And he said, but you know what, I can't doubt the mindset. I can't doubt the determination to make this work. And he's like, it's actually that that we find harder. It's the mindset we find harder to find. Because in time, we can make anybody stable, fast. You can teach a skill, you can't teach character. Yeah, so he was like, so we want to invite you back. So I'd been told on one hand, I was just useless. But on the other hand, that there was something there. Then over the course of the next few months, I then progressed to being there three times a week, then five times a week. And then when somebody would say, what do you do for a job? I'm like, I'm a para-athlete, I go to the Paralympic Games. A year later, I race in my first British Championships, finish upside down, you know, last wet. A year later, I'm finishing last but dry and I'm celebrating like I've won the thing because it's just like another progression and another like little step forward. So yeah, I remember what Kate was saying about just take little steps. So for me, it was about celebrating the little wins along the way. And ultimately, three years later, and what would it be, half a year before the Paralympic Games and what was meant to be 2020, I'm like number two. And I'm half a second off the guy number one and there's only one spot to go to represent Great Britain. So you had to be all in number one to go to the Games. The Games obviously get pushed back a year because of COVID, 2021. And just about that time, as they're looking for the season that's gonna define who's the number one, who's not, I injured my left shoulder really badly and I can't train, I can't race. And it's like this kind of like you've built yourself up for three years and all of a sudden you just fall like, you feel like you've fallen flat on your face. And it was in that kind of really difficult period of feeling like I'd failed. And for my first time in my life, I'd properly gone for something and fallen short. That's how I saw it. Then came back to the kind of Kate mindset of, right, what's happened's happened. So when the Paralympics are on TV, who are you? You know, what have you gone on to do? So I knew that I had a year before the Paralympics were gonna be on in 2021. And I kind of thought, right, well, I don't wanna put nearly four years worth of hard work and effort and determination to nothing. So I came up with this idea, if you like, would it be possible to kayak from Land's End to John O'Groats, 1,400 kilometers. You've got Atlantic Ocean, Bristol Channel, Irish Sea, North Sea. And I kind of start to build this plan. I started to build this team. We had no idea that it had never been done by anybody. Able-bodied, disabled, best kayaker in the UK. It hadn't been done. And all of a sudden, we're the people announcing to the world, five blokes with life-changing injuries that aren't high-level kayakers, that we were about to attempt something that had never been done. And everybody told us it wasn't gonna work. You know, everybody said, love the enthusiasm, never gonna work, not a chance in hell. And we always just sort of said that, you know what, we've got, we're the people that have got the courage to give it a go. Didn't mean that we weren't bricking it. We weren't anxious and apprehensive and could see it for the difficult challenge it was gonna be. But we were just like, we're going for it. You know, we're gonna step forward into the unknown to see what we can achieve. And if we fail after a week, we fail after a week. If we get the whole way, we get the whole way. So yeah, so for me, it turned failure into the greatest opportunity of my life. And how, like that's a really important lesson for people listening to this. One of my clients, who isn't a client anymore, said, like, how are you doing this? And it was like the old, sort of, I'm willing to fail more than you are. Well, what do you mean? I was like, for every success that you see me post on Instagram, I've failed 1,000 times behind the scenes. They're like, well, how do you mentally cope with that? I was like, some days I don't, some days I do. I was like, but the resilience continues to build. And you'd obviously set this huge goal of Paralympics, and then that got taken away from you. So the next thing you do is to set a goal that no one else has done before. So it could have gone from failure to failure, to be fair. Well, that's one, inverted commas, normal person would think of you. Why do you keep setting impossible tasks? Yeah, just, yeah, like you said, the breakfast analogy, just make a nice breakfast. I think it was just, I knew that I was so much better off for having had this big goal. And even though I'd fallen short and I'd failed, the version of me that didn't have that goal from the outset would be nowhere near where I was. You know, the striving to succeed had benefited me in so many other ways. You know, in terms of like my internal happiness and purpose and direction, it was all there. Whereas without that ambitious goal that I did fall short of, you know, I wouldn't feel any of these things inside. And I'd bettered myself every single day that I chased that goal. But when it didn't work out in my favor, it didn't mean that it wasn't hard to deal with. It was incredibly like those feelings of, like I'd let myself down, I'd let people down, I told, you know, believe me, I'm gonna do it. There was a real like self-belief there. So it was quite a, it was quite a difficult pill to swallow when it didn't. Like sobering. Yeah, it was sobering. It was humbling as well. But then at the same time, you know, over the course of a few weeks, I'd liberated myself from the fear of failure because I'd realized what's the worst that happens. You know, you sort of, it's the start of the, and actually for me, it was like, you know, that mountaintop that you, that climb that I once had looked up at and fallen off halfway up it and thought, there's no way I could do that. And then a few weeks later or a month later, you come back and you start up that same face and you get to the top. So it's that kind of, you know, it's that persistence of, yeah, you did fail, but it doesn't mean you're gonna fail forever. And I actually think that the whole failure of the Paralympic stuff pushed me back in a very authentic direction of who I am, which led me back to the world of adventure and the world of taking on a big kind of, you know, every size chunk of something. And I loved it. You know, we pulled together this team of five blokes. You know, there was me, you know, former member of the SAS had been shot seven times on operation, very lucky to survive. Guy who'd stood on an ID in Afghan, the guy who had a stroke when he was an army officer, ultramarathon runner. And it was like this collection of people without the necessary skill and experience that would give us the credit of, or the kudos of, I think you're gonna do it. Yeah, I'm not a former Olympic champion. Yeah, exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'm not like, you know, I've not got this list of credentials that would say to the world, oh, this is a safe, sure bet. So there was no pressure on us. And we always just knew that our greatest strength was in our ability to work as a team, as an ability to come together as five individuals that lived with resilience and perseverance and purpose are kind of like core factors. And God, it was like probably from a physical challenge point of view, and, you know, maybe until later this year, and we'll talk about that later, the toughest thing I'll ever do, you know, battling for 10, 11, 12 hours a day over wind waves, sea, swell, you know, massive cliffs on one side, these waves battering you from your left towards the cliff, so much kind of like adversity and treachery and stuff that could have gone really wrong for us. But it just like, you know, I think for any team, whether that's business or sports or expedition life, having a real shared vision of what it is you're trying to achieve that goes above and beyond the stuff that doesn't really matter. You know, we weren't doing it for a world record. We weren't doing it for a piece of paper on a wall at home that says Guinness World Record. We were doing it to inspire people like us that were at the start of their journey. And I think it was that shared vision and purpose that really united us in the difficult moments where shit didn't go our way. Like there's a moment where three weeks in we're in the middle of the Irish Sea and we made a decision as a collective that instead of following the coastline round of Northwest England into Scotland, we were going to take a gamble and go straight across the middle of the Irish Sea. So from Cumbria to Southwest Scotland, and we were going to save potentially four, five, six days worth of paddling. But that meant our midpoint, you know, eight hours into our crossing and these tiny like kayaks, we were 40 kilometres from Scotland, 40 kilometres from England, 40 kilometres from Northern Ireland, not where kayaks- In the middle of a shipping lane. Yeah, in the middle of a shipping lane with a little like safety boat behind us that shouldn't be there itself. And, you know, we're six hours in and this visibility is dropping on the horizon. You're like, right, I can probably see about a kilometre in front. And then about half an hour later, you're like, okay, it's dropped. And then about an hour later, you're like, visibility's at about 100 metres. So your reference of shipping lane, there could be a ferry crossing from Northern Ireland to Liverpool that we can't fucking see until it's too late. Yeah. And then the visibility drops to such an extent that the safety boat loses one of the kayaks. So who's it? Luke, Karl and Luke are in this double kayak, 40 kilometres from anything in any direction, lost contact with a support boat. The support boat's trying to radio the kayak, can't get through. All it's getting is static back. There's no visibility. There's no physical sign. And for an hour, that support boat loses contact with that kayak. And it's like, you know, in my head, it's the newspapers and BBC and ITV the next morning saying that two kayakers have been lost in the middle of the Irish Sea. And that this gamble has completely fucked up. And then just as we start to really think the worst, there's like a glimmer of orange that the boat driver sees on the horizon. And he bombs towards it and it is their kayak. And they'd only found each other because Luke and Karl had got so disoriented that, you know, like we've all got one dominant leg. Yeah. We walk in circles. We saw their Strava the next day. They'd literally done a massive circle in the middle of the Irish Sea. And that- Come back to me here. So that's like fate, I guess. But the next morning when, you know, at 4 a.m. we're waking up and we've got to put bums back on seats and push back out into the Irish Sea to finish what we started. There was a real test of like, how much does this mean? Yeah. And a real test of what is the driving factor here? And what was the driving factor? I think it was to inspire others like us. You know, if we were doing it just for the kudos of a world record. Yeah. None of us would have got back in a boat the next day because we'd seen the magnitude of what it was we were taking on. But there was this real genuine drive to better other people through our journey. And what does it feel like when you get there? to John O'Groats, what was the main emotion, relief I think, so 20, so we took 26 days, 1,400 kilometers, probably lots more of zigzagging added to that total distance, but then you know we round the final bit of headland in Scotland and you've got John O'Groats who's 2k ahead of you on the horizon and you just sprint those final couple of kilometers and you stand at a signpost which is very undramatic and it's not you know the summit of any beautiful Himalayan mountain, it's a signpost in a car park, but that signpost in a car park had this huge emotional attachment to it and just to sit you know and stand as a five below that signpost was the proudest moment of my life because for me there was this real connection to the promise I'd made myself years earlier of whatever happens don't give up and whilst I was very honest with the whole relationship ending and giving up, I think in the grand scheme of things. That was your comeback story? Yeah it's a comeback story and it was the first moment I realized that my life with a disability could out achieve and outperform my old life. Yeah. And that the horizon was still very bright and there was still opportunity on the horizon to be fair. Yeah it's infinite. Yeah yeah. Like there are no restrictions. Yeah and when you learn to you know embrace those around you and work as a team you can overcome the odds, when you learn to you know to live with that kind of resilience and perseverance anything is possible. Yeah. So for me it was yeah. Something you touched on there that I've spoken to other people on this podcast about before and business owners feel very often when you have lofty goals for yourself and an amount of self-belief that some people can't comprehend the overriding emotion when you achieve something is relief not elation. How do you put that together? I don't know I think it was relief I think because for me I proved something to myself so I was relieved that something had come off. Obviously the Paralympic thing hadn't gone the way I'd hoped and I always knew that this Lands End John O'Groats kayak thing could fail but I just hoped it wouldn't because I kind of hoped that I could prove to myself. I think I was relieved that the amount of people that had told us it was impossible we'd proved wrong. Yeah. But actually I think that expedition is the last time I ever tried to prove anything to anybody that wasn't myself. That's really interesting. I think that expedition put to bed this desire to show other people that I was worth something. The chip on your shoulder. Yeah for sure because that chip had been there from mountaineering days from military days from everything before that. Yeah people like me don't do things like this type. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah or you know trying to show someone that you're worth taking seriously because they've achieved a certain thing. And then you reach a point where you're like actually I don't care what they think anymore. Exactly yeah. So that's amazing. Yeah so I think relief and probably for the first time in my life a little bit of pride that yeah like you say the comeback story of World's End John O'Groats. Yeah. It was a full circle moment I think. So I'm uncomfortable asking you about the next part of your story because it's something that has happened in my life too and I don't think the listeners will believe what you're about to say but what came next in your journey. This is why it's important we speak about it isn't it. I think you'll be the same and I'm sort of going to pre-frame what we're about to talk about. This story is being told in the hope that if it helps one person it's a story worth telling. You're not asking for sympathy I think. No no no. I think it's a familiar like I got home from John O'Groats on top of the world and then I got home to like a family environment that had changed a lot over the last few years. You know my mum and dad separated. My accident put pressure on those family relationships more than normal I think. And you know my dad had struggled with his mental health for two three years. You know he'd sort of had a couple of cries for help you might call it. You know sort of attempted suicide on a couple of occasions but we always thought it was more of a cry for help than a serious kind of you know attempt at taking his own life. And then three months after I got back from John O'Groats I got a call from my sister and she just started the phone call saying Darren it's dad. And I think there was something in me that filled in the blank before she said anything else just based on her tone and the way she was saying it. And yeah he it wasn't a cry for help. You know it was a serious and he did you know he had taken his own life. And for me it was I don't know for me it was like the hard I think the hardest thing I've ever faced even with my accident being one of those things. Because what's more frustrating than dealing with something yourself is trying to help someone else to deal with something and not being able to get through to him. Yeah you know and I felt like I could say all the things in the world to my dad that I learned through my experience but I just felt like I couldn't get in couldn't get his mindset to change. So yeah so you know like completely unexpectedly he'd done what he did because he couldn't see the hope that word that you used earlier. He couldn't find the hope in his future. All he saw was the change and the negative change you know that it was in his perspective. And the only real reason I feel like I'm slightly lucky is that the last time I saw my dad something told me to tell him that I loved him and that we were very old school in this kind of like father-son relationship where it wasn't like love you. You know it was it was like right see you later and it would be like you know slap on the shoulder or something and that was like our way of saying I love you. But the last time I saw him I sort of wound down my window as he was walking back into his house and I was just like dad you know I love you right and he was like I love you too son. So that was the evening before he did what he did so in all likelihood the last thing anybody ever said to him was I love you and I think for me that is worth something. As hard as it was to go through you know what happened I think perspective helped me to kind of get through a little bit and then that purpose thing again that's why I started speaking. The only reason I started to speak on the stage was to try and help people like my dad. Just by being honest and sitting on the stage and not trying to be Aunt Middleton or trying to be some hero that kind of like has always got their shit together and is unpenetrable and unbreakable. I hope that's not the impression you got from my talk it was trying to be very honest and real and you know what that hurt and that's how I got through it and that's the advice I got at that point that got me a little bit closer to where I am now and I just hope that one day there'll be a dad in the audience like my dad you know and they stay around because of something they hear.