Meet Sue Heiermann, Veteran to Veteran Support

In today´s episode, we’re honored to welcome Sue Heiermann, a mother, grandmother, and proud U.S. Navy veteran whose life reflects both profound loss and incredible resilience. From growing up in Massachusetts to serving across the country in the Navy, Sue built a life grounded in dedication and connection. After facing the heartbreaking loss of her husband and several family members, along with periods of grief and homelessness, she found strength and a path forward. Today, as a certified peer specialist, Sue uses her lived experience to support fellow veterans on their healing journeys at Clear Path for Veterans New England. https://www.clearpathne.org/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Serving with Compassion, Claire Trust Claims podcast with your host, Larry Dantridge. In today's episode, we're honored to welcome Sue Harman, a mother, grandmother, and proud U.S. Navy veteran, whose life reflects both profound loss and incredible resilience. From growing up in Massachusetts to serving across the country in the Navy, Sue built a life grounded in dedication and connection. After facing the heartbreaking loss of her husband and several family members, along with periods of grief and homelessness, she found strength and a path forward. Today, as a certified peer specialist, Sue uses her lived experience to support fellow veterans on their healing journeys.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Military service, and uh we'll just get started.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Well, thank you for the invite, and it was my honor and privilege to serve.

SPEAKER_02 1:22

You're welcome. So let's get started by beginning at the beginning of your story. Your journey in the Navy took you across the country and shaped so much of who you are today. How did those experiences moving from coast to coast and building a life in different states impact your identity and the direction your life ultimately took?

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Oh my goodness, there's so many, so many interesting stories. Um as a very small town, um, which was kind of an idyllic um childhood. Um the the town that I grew up in was uh a village when I grew up, and we had a uh the whole entire family was here in the same small town, and and it was it was magical almost. And had I stayed here, um, I never would have gotten to see so many of the things that I've gotten to see. Um I call them adventures now, um, in my lifetime, um, to go to places like Eight Ak Alaska and Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and Orlando, Florida, things that that you don't get to see if you don't step out of your comfort zone. And I'm I'm very grateful to have gotten to see some of those things that that the military brought into my life.

SPEAKER_02 2:43

Yes, well, I understand that. As you know, I served 24 years and one month in the Army, so uh it was an adventure. Um so the next question I have for you is uh you've shared powerful memories from your time in service and the moves you made with your family, but life also brought profound challenges after losing your husband so suddenly. And by the way, uh sorry that that that happened to you. What helped you navigate that intense season of grief and how did that experience influence your decision to return to Massachusetts?

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Well, thank you very much for the sympathies. Um it's something that you can't really put into words if you haven't been there. Um, and I've learned that throughout my journey, that as much as people try to sympathize, that it's just something that that you just don't get um unless you've been there. Um and I'm kind of grateful for all of the changes that happened while while we were serving, um, because I was used to having to pivot quickly um because of the military, because you never know what's gonna happen in your life in the military, um, that it kind of gave me some experience with with having to make changes suddenly. Um and there just isn't enough um knowledge, especially beforehand, um, about grief. Um we don't talk about it as a as a society. Uh we don't prepare ourselves enough beforehand. You know, we we like to put on rose-colored glasses and say, you know, it's not gonna happen to us. But we all know that there are only two things promised in life, and that's death and taxes. And, you know, we'll complain about taxes around the Sunday table, and and we'll compare and contrast as to who has to pay more taxes and why do we have to pay taxes on our properties and our cars and our this and our that. And but we don't prepare for for death enough. And and it's sad, and I've learned that um having lost five family members in such a short time, and and each one had their own story and and how it impacted my family's life. I did lose, first of all, was an army uncle, army veteran uncle of mine, and my mother was his person to to take care of the business. And, you know, the first thing I told her was that she needed his military paperwork, his DD 214. And and she looked at me and she said, What's a DD 214? And of course, any of us in the military automatically know what that is. And, you know, I just I was just overwhelmed and and aghast that she didn't even know what that piece of paper was, just to explain that that that's what you need in order to get his his stuff taken care of. And and so that it's just sad that we as a as a nation don't prepare ourselves. And you just never know. Um, the last death that happened was my son-in-law, and you know, he was hit and killed in a car accident on his way to work, and he was only 33, and my daughter was forced to deal with um things at a very young age. And you know, you just it's a it's an awful thing that that we don't prepare ourselves for. They never would have expected something like that to happen at that age, and and and we just don't, and and we need to, we need to be prepared and and talk about things that can happen and will happen. And you know, my husband went into total denial when he got his diagnosis and and wouldn't speak to me about how I was to live my life once it did happen, once he did pass away, and and we had so many things that needed to be taken care of, and he refused, and and it left me angry with him for months after he passed away. And some of that could have been avoided had we sat down and had some simple conversations. And that's what I try to encourage people now to do is to have simple conversations with your family members about how to carry forward um when it does happen to you, because it's it's a miserable place to be. And and especially if you feel lost and alone um by yourself, and you know, everybody that walks through the line when you have a funeral and says, call me anytime and I'll come and help you. And you're not gonna do that, you're not gonna call somebody at three o'clock in the morning when you're crying and and you're sad and you just don't know how to handle that piece of paper that came in the mail today, and and we're just not gonna do that, and that's why we need to prepare.

SPEAKER_02 7:39

That's great advice. And it you probably know that I'm a former VA accredited veteran service officer, and I also founded and owned a hospice for 10 years, so I'm very familiar with life, death, grief, and the need of a DD214. Right. And uh, you're giving great advice. Um, so that leads us to the third question about after such a difficult chapter, you began exploring new paths towards healing through life coaching, writing, and even equine therapy. So I know a lot about horses because I have a my oldest daughter who was a national writing champion in college. Uh, what drew you to these practices and how have you supported your personal growth and emotional recovery?

SPEAKER_01 8:24

Well, kind of like I said, people just don't know it if they haven't been there. So you to find somebody um experienced in grief counseling who hasn't been there, it's hard to do. So to find a typical couch counseling, if you will, didn't work for me. Um, so I found um a life coach who was also a female veteran. Um, so she had been down the road that I had been down. Um, she was also um a dual um military couple, so she understood, you know, sometimes you have to put your husband's career first. So she related a lot to my life story. And then she led me to um a lovely lady who wrote anthologies, and so she um allowed me to do some writing, and I found that writing was a great way to express my grief, to put my feelings into words that could make sense to people, that they could read it and therefore understand it. And then with the equine therapy, I was born and raised on a dairy farm here in Shirley, and the the connection with animals, I grew up in in 4-H and Girl Scouts and things like that, and there's such a connection to nature and animals, and um the one good grief counselor that I had explained to me that the connection that you can make with nature is such a good um healing um bond that you can have that it's better than any sort of book counseling or or doctor counseling, if you will, and to make that connection with a horse and for that horse to feel your heartbeat, it can help you to regulate yourself in a way that that no other person can. And it just made sense to me.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Right. Yeah, well, that's certainly wonderful advice. And uh I shared that uh I'm by the way, I'm a writer, I'm a newspaper columnist, and I I write for over 20 different magazines and newspapers, and I wrote a book about the helicopter war in Vietnam, and it in there I tried to share as many of uh of survival toolkit stuff as I could. And and the one thing I learned, and I also share with you the fact that I grew up part of my life on a farm. I was adopted by farmers when I was an infant 79 years ago. And uh and um and I have always loved animals, especially dogs. And uh I I always tell people, I say, I don't know where dogs go when they die, but that's what I want to go to.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

I'm a cat girl, but yeah, I get it. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

So so the next question is as your journey continued, you faced obstacles that many people don't fully understand, including a period of homelessness. Your path towards stability is both powerful and inspiring. What would you like others to know about that time in your life and the role programs like HUD Vash played in helping you move forward?

SPEAKER_01 11:33

Well, I definitely want people to understand that, you know, the word homelessness has a lot of stigma to it. And it for me, it was something as simple as, you know, I was staying with my family, and my sister had a simple dryer fire in her house. And we moved from my sister's house to my mother's house to stay there while they were doing renovations in the house, and it was just a fact that the house was just too crowded and people's emotions got too high in the house, and it was basically a case of the house was too crowded and somebody had to go. It was just an emotional thing. Um, and my mother and I have always had a tense relationship, and because she felt that I was infringing on the family too much, my mother. And it was just a simple emotional thing that led to my homelessness. It wasn't something that that I really physically caused. I wasn't, you know, using substances, I wasn't outrunning the streets, I wasn't causing something that brought this homelessness on myself. So I want people to understand that that stigma of that word isn't always something that we bring upon ourselves. Um, and it's something that it can be as simple as that, or as simple as you get laid off from your job, or you know, some small disaster happens to you, um, an illness that where you can't pay your rent, you know, and and so many people have that awful stigma is you must have done something, you created some sort of bad issue. And and it wasn't that for me. And that's where I really want to advocate for a lot of people in this type of situation is that it's just one small simple thing. Um, and the fact that there are so many resources out there for those of us um who are trying to live our lives the best we can and just had one small simple thing happen. Um, and a lot of veterans just don't know that there are a lot of state and federal resources out there for us. And, you know, there's still the stigma of going to the VA and asking for help or going to your VSO, you know, and saying, you know, I'm I'm I'm at a spot where I just don't know how to fix it. Um that that just people have this this pride as veterans, as as people, that we should be able to fix ourselves and things, small things can snowball. And you know, I lived in a transitional facility, and yes, it was meant for people who you know do have a lifestyle of possible substance abuse, or maybe having been in jail, or having needing that structure. And I felt like I didn't need that, so I was not happy living in that situation. So I made every effort. I I bothered my case manager very much frequently and called and said, where are we at in this process? How can I get myself out of this situation because I'm not happy here, I don't belong here. And somebody needs that's part of why I love being a peer support specialist, is because I can teach people how to do that for themselves, how to advocate for themselves and learn that there are resources, that things that they can do for themselves, um, an education, things that people just don't know are out there, is so important for us to learn. And having incredible VSOs out there, having the VA, having people out there speaking up and letting people know that there are resources out there for us is so important.

SPEAKER_02 15:15

Boy, that's important stuff you just said. I I am just now, right at this moment, writing a series of three articles about homelessness and what veterans and veterans' family neighbors need to know to help them if they're homeless or about to become homeless, and uh uh put a lot of effort into it about explaining how important enrolling in VA healthcare is, and knowing who the social worker is on your PAC team, and knowing who the patient advocate is at the hospital that served you, and knowing who your PSO is, and uh and knowing other things about other resources. So the final question I have is today you're channeling your live experiences into meaningful service, and thank you so much for what you do. Supporting fellow veterans as a certified peer specialist, what does serving others in this role mean to you and how has it shaped your sense of purpose as you look into uh look at the full art of your journey?

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Well, in something that I learned through um the organization TAPS, which is a nationwide grief support organization for those of us who've lost any military members, is that we need to find a way to turn our pain into purpose. And being a peer support specialist through both ClearPath and TAPS has helped me to do that. Um, because I did go through a very tough time with my losses because there were so many, because I was hit time after time after time in so many different directions in so many different ways. And I became a caregiver for so many other people in my life who lost people along with me, that I did become kind of sucked into a rabbit hole. I did become depressed, I did have a point where I felt suicidal, and I knew that if I didn't find something good, that I would end my life. And that the only reason I kept going in my mind was because I had three children and and two grandchildren to rely on me. And so I knew I had to find a purpose. And so when I found taps and when I realized I could become a peer mentor through them, that was the first thing I did. And then when I moved back here to Massachusetts to be closer to my family and to the nature that I could, I lived right outside of Myrtle Beach and it was too city-fied for me. Um, and I found Clear Path and realized I could become a certified peer specialist through them and help other veterans go through some of the things that I had lived through in my life that kind of rang a bell in my head that that's what I need to do is to be that voice. And that's kind of part of um there's an organization, the Travis Banion Foundation, and they have a uh a line that they use that Travis used that um he's he told his mom when he went back to Afghanistan and she said why, and he said, if not me, then who? And so I love that line, and I've used it for myself for my my workshops that I do that because I've been through so much, if I don't get out there and tell people that they can live through what I've lived through, then who's gonna tell people? So I use that line. If not me, then who? If I don't get out there and explain to people that you can live through grief, you can live through homelessness, you can survive, then who's gonna get out there and explain it to people? And because I have that lived experience, then it makes myself more believable and it gives the people that I speak to hope and they can see. And actually, I have a a lovely widow that comes to Clearpath that just lost her husband last month, and I explained it to her last week. I said, I'm living proof. I'm eight years out from the loss of my husband. I'm living proof that you can live through this heaviness that you're going through now. And she just looked at me and tears started flowing, and she said, Sometimes in the middle of the night, I don't believe it. I said, But here I am, I'm living proof. I'm eight years from my loss. You can and you will live through it. And that just is what drives me. And when I see somebody, when a veteran comes into Clear Path and they're just like in a panic and in a tither, and they're like, my life is falling apart, and I don't know what to do about it. And and we take them from one office to the other, and they give them resources, and I take them down to the empowerment center where I work, and we send them home with the new set of clothes or a business suit for their interview next week, and we send them home with 20 or 30 pounds of food to fill their refrigerator and something as simple as a box of tissues or toothbrush and toothpaste because they've got nothing. I go home and I go, This is my purpose now. You know, it's it's not something that I would have ever found had I not gone through what I have gone through, and this is my purpose now, and that's what makes my days.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

God bless you. You certainly said what so many of us who are trying to be good advocates for military members and veterans and their families, which is what I'm trying to follow in your footsteps. Um you know, you you're just you're doing the most wonderful things for people and uh and no better people to help than veterans and their families. And uh thank you. So I know Annae and I admire you for what you've done and what you're doing. And we uh you know, if we could ever help you in any way, we're here. Um and uh what I'm gonna do if you if you don't mind, I will send you the articles I wrote about homelessness that I'm writing now. Uh I've only written the first one, I've got two more to write, but I think you'll find that that well, yeah, this is practical stuff. Stuff that I already know most of this, but you may pick up something in there that you know might help you.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

That sounds wonderful.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

Yeah. So God bless you and uh thank you so much again for your military service and your husband's service and your children's service, because we all know the families serve just like the members. And uh hopefully meet you someday in person.

SPEAKER_01 21:44

Thank you very much, sir.

SPEAKER_00 21:47

Thank you for listening to Serving with Compassion, the Clear Trust Claims podcast. For more information on future episodes and how to file a claim. Festus bankruptcy trust, please visit our website at www.cleartrustclaims.com.