Don't Touch My Kid!

This week Melanie and Allison return from an short and unplanned break. The episode begins with Melanie continuing her challenges with day-long dance recitals and how someone applied lipstick to her daughter without permission, not only triggering an allergic reaction but us saying "Don't touch my kid!". Naturally, the conversation expands to etiquette around touching others' children.

We also talk about saying 'no' to social obligations in an effort to keep our sanity and Melanie's daughter away from the things she cannot eat. And Melanie's mom provides some great advice on how to keep your kid's birthday parties under control.

Allison shares a story about wearing clothes that might be too comfortable around the house: Murphy's Law came knocking at the door! And, just what is the reason for all those tiny holes we sometimes find on our tee shirts?

Other things we talk about:

Things kids say... boys vs. girl version. If we kept a journal they would definitely be different!

Can a Tesla detect ghosts when you drive through a cemetery? Let us know if you've tried this --- and your findings!

Speaking of cemeteries, Melanie shares information about her experience at Universal's Halloween Horror Nights and wonders what it's like to work there.

And, because we love animals Melanie shares that she now begun following pot belly pigs on Instagram, how she wants ANOTHER Newfoundland, her plans to leave Scarlett - her African Grey parrot - in her will.

Find Midlife Moms Pod on Apple Podcasts or wherever you find your podcasts. You can also find us Buzzsprout where we have a full listing of all our episodes, Instagram (@midlifemomspod), and Facebook. Listen, like, and subscribe! We hope you enjoy the show!

Transcript

The recital has ruined me.

I know, it was traumatizing.

So you have PTSD from the rehearsal.

Well, that and not only the fact that they require makeup, which of course, we have certain makeup for Emily.

And as Emily was going on stage, I couldn't get to her quick enough.

And one of the girls grabbed her face, which by the way, excuse me, you shouldn't touch anybody's kid without permission.

And put lipstick on her.

And I turned her and I said, you do realize that you should ask before you put something on someone's child, I said, because she's allergic to what you just put on her.

Because what do you think a red stick, a lipstick has in it?

I bet 40.

Even Emily came off the stage and said, Mommy, does it have red 40 in it?

Because she knows as I'm wiping her face with a makeup wipe.

But I'm like, she was just fine in the morning at rehearsal, because I videotaped her without any makeup on at all, and the lights didn't wash her out.

And they used the exact same lights as they did that day at night.

So she didn't need a big thing of red lipstick on her face.

Yeah, it was just that woman.

I'm just like, how about don't touch somebody else's kid?

I would never walk up to your kid and grab hold of him or something without asking his permission and saying, Matthew, do you mind if I touch your arm or whatever?

Give you a hug?

You don't touch somebody else's kid.

That would be weird.

Yeah, I saw red.

I was like, you know what?

I'm going to go to jail tonight.

And I was like, and I don't look good in orange.

No, no, you can't eat their food.

They're not going to make you die free food, Melanie, in jail.

I know.

Well, in that and everything probably has corn in it.

You got to be really careful, right?

You're going to be on the toilet all the time.

They're going to be bringing me baloney sandwiches or something, and I'll be like, I don't eat that.

That's not real food.

What do they do for people with allergies?

I don't think they really give two shits about people with allergies.

I know.

It's like, what happens?

Who knows?

I don't know.

Hopefully, I never find out.

Yeah, I'm not going to find out.

That's why I just explained to her you shouldn't do that.

Yeah.

Did she say she was sorry or anything?

Well, no, she was like, what?

And I was like, she's allergic to that.

You probably just took her by surprise.

Yeah.

I mean, I think it was just a shock value.

That's why I was back there to begin with.

It's like, you know, it's Emily has real sensitivity to smells.

And like, I knew there was hairspray going to be sprayed back there.

She all of a sudden is like, I feel like I can't breathe when that's all going on.

So if she's got that and then having to go dance on the stage, I was like, that's a disaster.

She's like, Mommy, can you be back there with me?

So I volunteered to help in the back and stuff still like that.

You know, still somebody did something to her without her permission.

Yeah, because she would have told him no, because she knows.

I mean, she knows about her allergy and she knows what she can and can't have on her or what she can eat.

Mm hmm.

So it's like, yeah, that person was definitely in the wrong.

Yeah.

And you would think that I don't know.

I guess I'm just a whole nother type of person because I think about that.

It's like I teach Emily that that's her body and she gets to choose what happens, right?

That she can speak up for herself.

But when she said, Mommy, it happened so quick, she goes, I didn't even have time.

She didn't even give me a moment to say something.

Yeah.

I'm sure she was just running down the line and then looking at the girls.

Well, right.

But Emily had lipstick on.

Well, it wasn't dark enough, Melanie.

Apparently not.

Apparently she had to look like Tammy Faye Baker.

She did not like it.

I just, yeah.

So that's a whole nother situation.

But I, so I, have you ever heard of Reddit?

Yeah.

Okay.

So I'm a Reddit reader every day.

And there was one Reddit post on AITA.

Do you know what AITA stands for?

Am I the asshole?

So it's, that's one of the communities.

That's a community?

So people post all the time on that.

Like, they list a situation out and then what they did.

And then they're like, was I in the wrong, or were they in the wrong?

So today I was reading one, and it was about, can you hear me?

Yeah.

It was about somebody in the park, and they had their kid in a stroller, and the woman came up and was, like, talking to the other woman, and I don't know what she was saying, but then all of a sudden she reached down, and she was, like, touching the kid in the stroller, and the mom, of course, was, like, on edge because she was, like, what are you doing?

And the other woman reached in and picked up her kid out of the stroller, and she was, like, I didn't even know what to do.

She goes, I was frozen.

And the woman was, like, taunting all over him to be, like, oh, my gosh, he's got such beautiful hair and his eyes, and oh, my gosh, he's just so precious.

And she was, like, she snatched her baby or her kid, I don't know how old the kid was, out of this woman's hand, and she slapped her.

And she just said, I held the kid, my son, and I took my stroller and I jogged right out of that park.

She was, like, I couldn't even believe the gall of some people.

Am I the asshole?

But you know what?

That lady wouldn't even have gotten that quick for, like, if she would have touched Emily, I'd have been like, don't touch my kid.

Yeah, like, I'm surprised she let her reach in and grab the kid.

Yeah, see, I didn't let any of that happen.

Like, when Emily was, like, really brand new, we stayed pretty much at the house.

And then if we did go out, I always had her, like, in the front of me or on the barrier with me, and I had her facing in.

Yeah.

And if people tried to, like, oh, let me see your ba...

I'm like, nope.

And I would put my hand out, like, too close.

And that was before the COVID crap, about six feet.

I would be like, nope.

Don't come near me.

So, yeah, I mean, that is just...

I don't know what that's called.

Is that just called, like, body?

I don't know.

I always tell Matthew, keep your hands to yourself.

Right?

Well, yeah.

And then when he was in preschool or, like, real early daycare, they would be, like, friendly hands.

But I always tell him, keep your hands to yourself.

Like, don't, you know, don't push.

Don't...

I don't know.

People's walls just...

And I think, too, it has a lot to...

To me, you know, a kid, like, with Matthew and Emily, that's a little different, you know, playing, whatever, because they're kids.

But when it comes to an adult and a child...

Right.

I would never go and touch somebody else's child without, first of all, asking the child's permission.

Like, hey, can I give you a hug?

You know?

Or, oh, do you need me to fix that?

Like, if something's wrong with their shirt, do they need to button their shirt up?

Whatever.

You ask first.

Like, I've always thought that.

It's like, don't touch somebody's kid.

It's just, I don't know.

Yeah, I'm big time on that.

I've said that so many times, and I don't apologize for it.

I'm like, don't touch my kid.

You shouldn't.

It's not...

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't...

I mean, I'm still...

I think I'm still in shock.

And my mom, I'm texting my mom because my mom was in the audience at the recital, and I'm like, I'm about to lose it.

She's like, just hang on.

Just hang on.

You're all right.

You're all right.

She had to talk you off the ledge.

Just breathe.

I'm like, I'm about to lose it.

So I told her, well, and the other thing is, is how many people did you put that lipstick on?

Well, that's the other thing.

Let's talk about sickness.

It's like community lipstick at this point.

Yeah, I don't play that game.

Yeah, you might as well just open the wound and pour the terms right in there.

And that's what I told Emily.

I'm like, oh, my God.

She's like, I couldn't stop her.

I'm like, it's not your fault.

It's the adults fault.

Yeah.

Well, I was like, none of this is your fault.

I said, now, are you allowed to speak up for yourself?

Absolutely.

I said, the next time somebody doesn't catch you by surprise, you're allowed to put your hand up and say, stop.

Right.

I would definitely give them feedback.

Oh, I am.

I'm about to write me a whole letter.

Oh, yeah.

And I would say, these are the reasons I'm not coming back to your studio, and I won't recommend my friends go to your studio.

Right.

Give it to them, Melanie.

You know me.

I'm very outspoken.

I know.

What else can I get you fired up about tonight?

What else are you done with?

Let me think.

I was going to say, I'm done with stupid people, but that's too.

What did I have in here?

I'm done with saying yes to everybody's birthday parties.

Oh, that's a lot of stress.

Mainly because we go to the birthday party, and of course, there's cake, there's ice cream, there's this, that, and the other.

And that's hard for Emily because she wants it, and then I'm having to ask what's in it.

That's a big deal.

And the people that are running birthday parties, not at people's houses, of course, but out places where you feel package or whatever, those people don't know.

They don't know what's in stuff.

No, no, they don't.

And most often, people buy their cakes from Publix or something.

Well, yeah, Publix has full a die.

But mainly just because it's like, think about it.

If you go to everybody's birthday party that you're invited to, think of how...

I mean, because a lot of times, this age group, they're invited to everybody's birthday.

That's all we would be doing.

That is.

That and extracurricular activities.

Well, I'm telling you, we get a lot of birthday invitations.

And I did put up a boundary last weekend, and we were invited to a birthday party on Sunday.

And it wasn't for a very good friend.

It was for an acquaintance on the baseball team.

But I made a judgment, and I was like, no, we're not going.

Plus, I had to study.

I mean, it was like I had things to do, and I just had to say no.

I was going to tell you this.

So have you ever heard this?

My mom said, as kids grow up, like the rule of thumb, this was their rule of thumb when I was a kid, is you invite the number of kids of the age that they're turning.

I love that.

Right?

So like I did that this past year.

I only did seven kids.

She was turning seven, and it was the most pleasant birthday party ever.

Because it was strictly all of her little girlfriends, and everybody got along.

Everybody played together.

Well, and I'm not doing another party at like main event or anything.

They do a great birthday party.

It's very organized, and they do all the work.

So like you basically just have to show up as a parent.

But we invited, we had like 15 to 17 kids.

That's a lot.

It was a lot.

A lot of people came because we have to invite everybody in the class.

Well, I broke that rule.

Well, I'm sorry.

We invited all the boys in each class, and pretty much everybody showed up.

But the other thing is that we got so many presents, and I'm like, we don't even have enough room in our house for 17 presents.

Like, I mean, it's just we don't.

So I had told Matthew earlier, I'm like, when we have your birthday party in October, we're going to donate to a charity.

Oh, that's a good idea.

So in one of his other, the birthday party that we were going, we were supposed to go to on Sunday, they had, instead of gifts, bring a donation for the Humane Society.

Oh, I love that.

Yeah, that was a great idea.

So I told Matthew, that's what we're going to do for your birthday in October, because mommy and daddy will get you the gifts, but you can have a party with your friends.

But I don't want to have a mass birthday party.

Yeah.

Well, my mom's always said, my mom said that's how she always ran it, except, of course, for my first birthday.

You know, there was a bunch of family and all that.

But as you got older, she's like, you just invite the number of kids that your child is turning.

Your mom is so smart.

Why didn't I know this beforehand?

I didn't know that.

And so I'm like, I'm going to try it out.

Yeah.

It was amazing because all the little girls she invited, there was eight.

There was her and seven of her little friends.

They all played together.

Nobody had a problem.

There weren't a couple of girls on the corner and the other girls in the other corner.

No, everybody played together.

That was wonderful.

And she even said after that was all said and done, I always ask her questions, you know, on her birthday.

Like, what did you like best about your birthday party?

And she's like, I liked it.

That all my friends played together.

Oh, that's so sweet.

That's what I'm doing this year.

She's going to invite eight girls or eight people.

Yeah, that is so sweet.

Yeah.

So you should do that from now.

I'm going to.

Yeah.

It's like you invite.

And it puts them a cap on it, too.

It's like, okay, you're turning eight.

You can invite eight friends.

Yeah, because I'm done.

Like, there were many years we didn't even have a birthday party.

I got away with it for so long.

And then the last couple years, we've had one.

So like, we've had maybe two birthday parties at other places, like commercial places.

I think they were both at Main Event.

But yeah.

And I have until October, so I don't need to worry about it yet.

But.

Well, this year, I'm going to keep that in mind.

Emily wants to do Popcorn and Pajamas.

Oh.

And we're going to have movies.

She wants to do a movie theme.

That's cute.

And all the girls are going to bring their sleeping bag.

Not that we're having a sleepover, but.

I was going to say, that's going to be tough.

Yeah, they're going to do sleep.

I mean, they're going to do their sleeping bags.

We're going to do food.

And then I'm going to make popcorn.

And we have less than a minute.

What?

Yes.

Oh, my gosh.

Well, we can always do with what we have and then go from there.

Yeah, less than a minute.

That's why I was like, is there anything else that you're upset with it?

That you're done with?

What else?

No, and we went straight off to the birthday party.

I know.

Well, because I'm kind of done with that.

All righty.

I'm hanging up on the phone.

Yep, that's right.

I got to do that too.

I forgot that I was on there.

Oh, my gosh.

I'm starting to get punchy.

I almost choked myself with the cord.

No, don't do that.

Don't do that.

Have you ever seen those videos?

What?

Have you ever seen those videos?

Where they trip over the cord?

No, where they have the cord on and it's too short and they shoot themselves back?

No.

That's what I almost did.

Because I had wrapped it up and I put it on my head and I went to sip back in my chair and it was like...

Oh my god.

Well, it's a good thing we're not on video.

Oh my god.

We would have gone viral with that.

And you should see my outfit that I have on.

I've had it since I was 16.

I think it's time to go in the garbage.

You need to take a picture of that and say that you've had that since 16.

Oh, it's horrible.

Someone would be like, why are you voicing that?

Oh, it's not for cameras?

It's just cool.

It's like a tank top dress, like nightgown thing.

And it's that old...

I don't even think it has the tag in it anymore.

Joe Boxer or whatever.

Remember them?

It's Joe Boxer.

Anyways.

Yeah, I've had it forever.

I just can't get rid of it because sometimes...

I know.

I'm awful about that too.

I have a lot of clothes that I've had for a long time.

And I don't recycle them.

I just...

I have a problem.

Well, mine's like pajamas.

Yeah.

Well, so, you know, in the summer, I like to wear light fabrics, so I always get...

I like those swing dresses.

You know, it's kind of like jersey material.

So I bought a couple at Target one summer.

Oh, I need to send you the link that I bought these two that I have.

They're so comfy.

Oh, yeah.

They're summery.

Yeah.

So I had...

I wore one yesterday, speaking of which, and it has like a tank top, and it's like a swing dress.

I probably could wear it as a nightgown, because I think I only paid like $12 for it at Target.

It's really soft, so it feels like pajamas.

They're like definitely loungewear.

See, I am all about a good pair of pajamas, and I had another obsession is when we had a Sam's card, Sam's whole club card or whatever it's called.

They used to sell these blankets, and every time I walked into that store, I bought a blanket.

So I have the same blanket just in all different colors.

Oh my gosh.

I'm sure you've seen them there.

There's two on my couch.

There's a blue one and a pink one.

Okay.

Obsession is amazing.

I'll have to look next time.

But yeah, I wore this dress yesterday.

It's not meant for public.

Like it really, you know, it's cheap fabric because you get it $12 at Target.

They don't last forever.

And I think this is like the fourth summer I've had it.

So I'll either wear it out to the pool or sometimes I might wear it in pajamas, you know.

Hey, I say whatever's comfy.

Right.

So I had it on yesterday because yesterday was like a comfy day.

I had to edit at work and I wasn't really, I had some calls, but I could put a cardigan on and cover it up.

The other thing is I did not wear a bra.

Oh, you're letting the girls hang out.

I let the girls hang out because I need to do laundry.

I'm a procrastinator, so I need to get laundry done.

And then last night, the point to the story is that at the end of the day, you know, we're all kind of like getting ready for dinner, and the door, somebody knocks at the door, and it's usually one of Matthew's friends.

So I'm like, Matthew, your friend's here.

Can you go get the door?

So he didn't get it.

I got up and I got it.

It was my parents.

They stopped over.

They stopped over after they went to Stonewood, which is like right across the street.

So they go there to have, you know, appetizers.

I was going to say, they go there a lot.

They do go there a lot.

Appetizer's like cocktail hour, and it's like right across the street.

So they stopped over, which is totally unlike them for a Monday afternoon at like 5.15 or whatever.

And I answer the door in this dress.

I don't have a bra on.

And my mom looks at me.

When I look at her, hello.

She was like, what the?

That's like, what are you doing?

That's really funny.

My hair probably wasn't even done either.

And I had been at work all day.

Well, you're at home working, so you can look whatever way you want, as long as you don't have to look at people.

Oh, my God.

Or, you know.

Yeah, I got to do better.

Yeah, I have a shirt from Victoria's Secret.

It's like a pajama top.

And I love the fabric.

Well, when Willow was a puppy, she got it.

And I guess didn't realize what she had, but it had a small hole in it.

And when I went to grab it from her, it had stuck in her tooth.

So then, of course, I have this huge hole in it now.

And Emily's like, you need to throw that away.

And I'm like, oh, but I can't find another shirt like it, like the material.

I'm like, I love it because it's so soft.

And I'd rather sleep in nothing.

So I mean, the shirt's like having nothing on.

So I'm like, I can't get rid of it.

Tim's like, Tim's like, it's got a hole in it.

I'm like, thank you, Emily.

That's what Emily just said.

Thank you very much.

And my rule is if it has a hole in it, it goes in the trash.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Let me just tell you.

Yeah.

Well, because I used to get these T-shirts, and sometimes they get holes in them in like the stomach area.

I don't know what it is.

I thought it was from my cat.

No, I have that same thing.

We used to think it was from our desks at work because my friend Katie has the same thing, and there's little holes in the very front.

Yeah.

We cannot figure that out of what that's from.

Well, I read that it's from the agitator in the washer.

Right there on that same spot of everybody though?

Yes.

I read that somewhere.

How weird is that?

I don't know.

I can't source it or anything.

See, we used to think it was from the desks at work.

And we don't have an agitator anymore.

Like, we just have one of those big drums for our washer.

I haven't noticed it as much, but I also don't have Tyler anymore.

Well, if anyone's listening.

Yeah.

And they know what those little holes are on the shirts right by like where the button of your pants are.

That area.

What is that?

I had to make a rule that if there was a hole, I threw it out because that's how, you know, I said that earlier, I have a hard time getting rid of clothes.

So I made that rule.

Well, then maybe I should go in there and do that because that would get rid of half my crap in the closet because I'm telling you, we wore.

And, Melanie, you deserve better than wearing T-shirts with holes in them.

Thank you for that.

That's going to be my new motto.

You deserve better.

Well, let me just say, I wrote down something the other day.

Let me pull it out because I was like, oh, I just made that up.

And that's actually really good.

I told Emily because she was talking about something about being quiet and she kept talking.

And she was like, I want I want silence.

I want quiet.

And I said, you can't claim the quiet without being quiet.

Oh, that's a good one.

She wants everybody to be quiet, but she keeps talking.

Doesn't work like that.

If you want everybody to be quiet, that includes you and anybody else.

So we should come up with those kind of like things you don't expect.

You're going to say to your kid, like, don't lick the dog.

Oh, yeah, we've I've got a million of them.

Don't lick the dog.

No, don't show cookie or penis.

What?

That's Cookie Is This Grandmother.

Don't show Cookie your penis.

That's better.

I thought you were going to talk about it.

It was a doll.

No one wants to see your butthole.

Oh, gosh.

That is definitely a boy versus girl.

I have said these boy quotes, and I say them quite often.

Mine is, don't put your hands on your face.

Stop putting your hands on your face.

Get something to put in your hair.

We don't want that.

I wish that was all I had to say.

Mine is, we don't want syrup in your hair.

Please put something on your hair.

Don't lick the dog.

Please don't let the dog have the pirate chips that you are having the pool.

Eating.

Well, no, they're like this little coins.

It's like a game for the pool.

Oh, gotcha.

And she threw them up in the air.

And I'm like, don't let the dog eat those.

Because of course, Willow wants to see what it is.

Like all she needs is to poop the big red jewel out because there's jewels in it and coins.

Yeah, no, yours are a lot more innocent than mine are.

So yeah, I was going to say, yours is definitely all boy stuff.

Yeah, I've got some dingers.

And you know, I don't really write them down, but I should.

You really should write stuff down all the time that Emily says.

I know.

That are hysterical.

Yeah, but I have said, don't put your finger there.

Okay, so here you go.

So we were driving it in because we drive a Tesla, so we wanted to see if the thing about the cemetery was real.

And so we drove in there and Emily said, hey, why are the rip stones like that?

And we were like, what?

And she was like, you know, the rip stones.

Well, everything's RIP in there for rest in peace.

And I'm like, oh, that's a good name for a headstone, a rip stone.

Rip.

A rip stone.

And then what else does she say?

She said, wait, before you move on, is the cemetery thing true for Tesla?

Well, we don't know, because we went during the day.

Tim thinks we need to go at night.

Because that makes a difference.

He's thinking everybody's asleep during the day.

Oh, my God.

I knew he was going to say that.

He said, maybe we should go during the nighttime and see.

So we might do that, or we might go to a more active cemetery.

I don't know.

I love a good cemetery.

Can I just tell you?

Me too.

I love it.

So we'll see when we go.

I will let you know for sure.

Okay, please do, because I want to know.

Yeah.

So what was else did she say?

Oh, so we had a discussion about meat, right?

Because, you know, of course, they're at the age of what meat comes from what animal, right?

So on this day, she said, Mommy, is bacon meat?

I was like, yes.

She goes, Well, it's my favorite meat.

And so her dad says, Well, it's swine.

And she's like, she asked what swine was.

It's like, it's another word for pig.

And she said, she's going to be chasing pigs anytime she sees one.

She's going to eat bacon and ribs because me, this is me as a kid.

I'm like, don't talk about it.

I don't want to know where it comes from.

And so I even made a placemat when I was a kid, like probably Emily's age that says, Please God save the turkeys.

Because I didn't, you know, if you talk about it too much, I'll just have to eat dirt because I don't want to talk about where food, you know, meat comes from.

Right, where it comes from.

But yeah, so I don't know.

It's just it's funny things that they say.

It just is.

I know.

I have crazy stuff that she.

Oh, and then one day, which when I let her watch Peppa Pig, which that's a whole other story now, but she's like, Mommy, I'm confused because Peppa Pig and her school friends go to the zoo, but they're the animals.

Yes, but they don't know they're the animals.

They have different animals they go see, or did they go see pigs and although, you know, I don't know.

I don't know.

And then my gosh, she's funny.

She can't overthink it.

Well, right.

And then she calls an artificial Christmas tree, a crafted tree.

Oh, because I said, no, it's an artificial tree.

And she goes, no, it's a crafted tree.

They had to make it.

Oh, well, I'm like, oh, that's interesting.

That's an interesting thought.

Yeah, it is an interesting.

And these are like when she was six.

These aren't recent, right?

They're probably probably a better name for.

Yeah, crafted tree marketing reasons.

Yeah, a craft tree.

I'm trying to think what else she said.

That was funny.

Let's see.

Oh, and one day she said she was watching Ariel on TV, and all of a sudden she just yelled out, oh, no, I got a really bad feeling about this.

She did.

Yeah, I don't know what part it was.

I got a really bad feeling.

But you're talking to a kid now that her favorite movie is Beetlejuice or The Gremlins.

Yeah, I know.

Has Matthew seen either one of those?

No, he does not like to watch movies.

Oh, really?

I can't get him to sit still.

Yeah, Emily used to not be like that either.

Yeah, he's still like that.

I can't get him to sit still.

Yeah, so Emily will watch it.

She wants to watch a scary movie, she said.

And then she's begging for to watch Jaws.

And I'm like, you're not watching Jaws.

Well, I'm not scared of sharks.

And I was like, well, you watch Jaws and you will be.

Yeah, I'm like, you're not watching Jaws.

She goes, well, I'm not scared of it.

I said, yeah, but it's a horror movie.

It's like.

I know it's weird.

Like I you might need to read about that with little kids.

She's never been scared of stuff like that.

Right.

But like, why?

What makes because I've never reacted scared.

So I have read about it because I was wondering why.

So we have people that live across the pond from us.

He always does a haunted house on his front porch.

So much so, it's like the extra sis girl dummy thing that's sitting out there.

They have ones that have like they're on rocking horses with like just gruesome stuff.

Right.

And he always is in there with a chainsaw.

He's dressed up.

Well, at two.

She's like, I want to go in that.

And I'm like, you're not going in there.

Well, we know them.

So he like cut the chains off and all that, you know, for her to go in.

But it never phased her.

None of the gruesome stuff ever phased her.

So she walked out and I was like, so she goes, I'm going to go back next year.

And so now when we go into the Spirit Halloween store, she gets straight for those nasty little babies that are all demonized.

She's like, look how cute they are.

Put those down.

I know.

And Matthew wants to go to the Spirit store and I won't let him look at that.

So you should let him go in there just to see what he.

I mean, because I don't react to it.

And I think that's why, because I read about it.

And they said, if you don't act scared, they don't think any fear is taught.

So if you act scared and like, oh, no, don't do that.

Whatever or gross.

Like, if I did that when she was younger, she would probably be scared.

But I don't want him bringing home Pennywise.

Right.

Well, and see, Emily was real little and her cousins dressed up.

I think I told you, like a killer clown and different things.

And she was like, oh, that's Brayden and that's Zachary.

And she didn't even like the master even phaser.

And she likes all those things, the spirit, Spirit Halloween that are like the mechanical things.

She loves that.

She loved this since she was little, tiny, nothing out.

And it didn't scare her.

But not me.

I don't want nothing to do with it.

Yeah, because I went to Halloween Horror Nights.

Forget it.

I was hugged up with people.

I didn't even know.

Tim and I went and I mean, I'm not kidding you, they had the.

I'm trying to think of what the haunted house was.

Anyways, they had roaches crawling all over the wall.

It would have sent you into a hysteria.

No, we were all hugging up on each other.

We were holding hands.

I mean, literally, we didn't know people, but like all the girls were like all together and their boyfriends, of course, were with them.

Oh my God, I would die.

I can't even get past what you just said.

But there so it was roaches everywhere, all over the kitchen.

No, I can't think of the name of it.

I can't.

And of course, there's no way to get out.

No, you just scream and then we were under the one that was people under the stairs and this one girl, like beat on the wall and said, let me out, I have screamed in her face.

Was it a real person?

Yeah, they were playing the people under the stairs.

Hey, when we went to Universal and did Halloween Horror Nights, what was the that one house that had all the roaches?

Oh, yeah.

Gross.

No, that was rats that they were laying.

I don't remember that part.

Maybe I shut my eyes for that.

No, but she did.

The rats were in there, too.

The lady with the rats.

No, we have there in a second.

We're almost done.

We just got to talking about something else.

I know.

Are you staying up there tonight?

Are you sleeping down here?

But yeah, I guess it was Bates Motel is what he said, but it was gross.

Oh, Bates Motel.

Yeah, there was a big article too when it first started that they were talking about the lady that laid where the rats crawled over only made minimum wage.

You would have to pay me.

Well, I guess if you for.

Maybe if she worked with the same rats every day, they would be her coworkers.

So that would be normal.

Maybe they were like her little rat friends.

That's the only way I would be able to do that is I'd be like, I need the same rat friends that I have.

That is not my.

They can lay on me.

But you're right.

They can crawl on me.

But if you're getting all these other rats from outside.

Yeah, I'm sure they were.

I'm not interested.

I'm sure they were.

I don't know.

I don't know either.

I just know I don't go to Halloween or Halloween nights anymore.

One of the girls in 90 Day Fiance had a pet rat.

Her name was Pullia.

She was a pretty rat.

Tim's brother has rats.

Oh, as pets?

His boys have rats.

Yeah, that's just be very smart.

You know, I'm sure.

Melanie wants a potbelly pig.

Oh, my God.

She would like well, we just started following this one girl that she has a potbelly pig.

She's like, I want a potbelly pig.

I was like, me too.

I want for a day, then I want to give it back.

Well, I used to have a friend that had one and his name was Porkchop.

And he was so smart, they're real smart.

You can train them to do.

Yes, they're very smart animals.

But if you don't feed them right, they can get huge.

Like I guess you're supposed to feed them potbelly pig food rather than scraps.

And if you feed them scraps, then they become a big pig rather than a little pig.

Okay, so now I'm going to have to start following potbelly pigs on Instagram.

I'll send you the girl we follow.

I think her pig's name is Merlin.

Anyway, the other day, it was really funny because they had to buy locks for everything because he's learned how to open the pantry.

And she said, I have to put my garbage can on the dining room table because he knows how to get in that now too.

No, thank you.

No.

Well, I got one of those here at the house right now.

Miss, I can open the thing to the garbage can.

She needs to be untrained.

She I'm telling you what, she ate a whole chicken breast the other day that we just threw away because we were like, we only keep it for so long that we would eat.

I'm like, oh, gosh, is she going to get sick from that?

He's like, no, she's fine.

But, oh, no, she probably, she's Willow.

Yeah, Willow, what are you doing?

She's eating a chicken breast out of the garbage can.

Well, I gave my cat Simon some turkey today and he loved it.

Oh, see, I bet you now next time you have turkey, he's going to be all up in the business.

I don't know.

I never give him food and he's very fat, so I really need to be careful.

But today, I gave him little pieces of turkey that I had.

He looks sad, so I hope to cheer him up.

I'm sure it did.

My cat ate a whole angel food cake once.

Really?

Yeah, he like, I don't know why.

He never ate anything off the counter, and my mom said he kept drinking a lot of water and she didn't know why.

And she walked around the corner where she had put the angel food cake and it was eaten all down the side.

He had opened the bag up.

It wasn't even open yet.

It was brand new.

That's crazy that he liked the sugar.

I guess.

Yeah, wild.

Yeah.

I had a lot of animals that ate things like my golden retriever ate my strawberry cake that I made within a matter of minutes because I went to look at a dress on the computer with my sister-in-law because she was looking at a wedding dress.

And within that time frame, he ate it.

He ate it.

My dog ate the turkey one year.

Yeah, Charlie did that, too.

Yep, my high school dog.

Yeah, that's funny you say that.

So we had everybody over one night for Thanksgiving, and we had two turkeys, and Charlie ate the butt off one of the turkeys.

And Tim was like, we're going to give that to my brother to take home for leftovers.

And Jeff's like, I don't care.

He's like, give it to me.

I don't care.

Wipe the dog spit off.

That's funny.

Yeah.

And animals.

Hilarious.

I love them.

I couldn't live without them.

Emily's wanting another animal.

I'm like, I don't know.

I want a cat to find me.

So I told you this, right?

I want a kitten to find me.

So I'm not pursuing a cat.

But if the cat distribution system happens to offload a cat or kitten near my house, I will take it in.

But I've never like, well, since 2001, when I got Lenin, I've always had two cats until last year when Tyler died.

I only have one cat.

But I also have a son and I have a dog.

And those are all my responsibility.

So that's what I told Emily.

I was like, we're not getting another animal until you can take care of it yourself.

Yeah, but she's like, can we get another Newfoundland?

And I'm like, another one.

Yeah.

And so she's like, she asked him and Tim's like, y'all have to sign a contract talking about what we would do in the house.

I'm like, I'm shocked you would even say that.

I am too.

I thought he would have said no.

Nope.

But here's the thing.

Where's the other Newfoundland gonna go in the car?

There's no room.

Just lay on top of each other.

There's no room.

I mean, I would teach the puppy at a young age how to get in the far back.

Whereas Willow won't do that.

You need a small dog.

You need a yin and a yang.

Once you're a new fee person, you can't go back.

I couldn't even think about getting another type of dog.

I want a golden.

That's my dream dog.

And I'll probably never get a golden retriever, but I want one so bad.

They have gold retriever rescues.

I know.

But Brent is a boxer.

He wants a boxer.

Well, you don't have a boxer now.

No, because we've got Poppy.

I want a golden.

I know.

We were talking about getting another Newfoundland, but you're talking about crazy kid activities, and you're talking about getting a Newfoundland.

Well, here's the thing.

Insane asylum.

Newfoundland can just go with.

That's where Willow goes all the time with us.

Yeah, but two of them.

Yeah, I would love to, but I'm not doing to because that's too much work for me.

I can barely groom the one I got, and I groom her all the time.

Good God.

It's a lot.

But yeah, she and she asked the other day if she could have a little bird that she could hold because Scarlett, you know, Scarlett's not going to.

She's too heavy for Emily to hold.

And if you think, you know, you think Scarlett's going to bite you.

I think Scarlett realizes that and then she just bites you.

She doesn't bite me, but she bites Tim.

But yeah, so then we follow this other lady that rescues birds and she has a little quaker parrot.

He is so cute and he talks about bacon pancakes, bacon pancakes, bacon pancakes, he says.

I'll have to send it to you.

I would love a bird.

Yeah, I want a little bird again, but Tim's like, we're not having anything that needs to be in a cage again.

Oh, yeah.

Because if you think about it, Scarlet's 27.

Yeah.

So we've had her for 27 years.

We're running out of time.

Oh, my gosh.

Well, on this next time, we should say what?

Right now.

I know.

We should say, oh, nine minutes.

We have nine minutes.

No.

We have nine minutes.

Yeah.

Nine minutes.

Well, yeah, it just popped up on the running out of time on my.

Yeah, I see that.

So should we, like, close our episode?

We probably should.

I think we have two episodes full on now.

We may.

Because we totally went off the rails again.

We always do.

But we got some good content.

So yeah, but I think we've done it.

We've over done it.

Yeah, I was going to ask you, though, about Scarlett.

So how long do parrots live again?

Well, it depends on the breed or the type of parrot.

Is she midlife, though?

Is she midlife bird?

Well, the oldest one I know that's been in captivity is the Alex is the African grape parrot that I can't think of what her name was.

Doctor Alex or something.

Anyways, they can live 40 to 80 years.

Oh, yeah.

So I knew about the 80.

And of course, bigger the parrot, the I think the more they, you know, longer they live.

But it's between average lifespan of an African gray is 40 to 80 years.

So on that note, with good care, your African gray can live up to 90 years.

Well, congratulations, Emily.

You have a bird.

I'll be dead by then.

It'll outlive you.

Yeah, they say you have to make sure you're going to know who you're going to will your bird to.

Oh, yeah.

She can live with Emily when she's older, once Emily's able to.

And stuff.

But anyways.

Anyway, well, I wish I wish Simon would live till 90, but he's probably not going to.

So anyway, it's sad.

They don't already 11.

Oh, yeah, he's old.

I know.

Yeah.

And Willow's a giant breed, so she her lifespan is.

Shorter.

Oh, we're ending on a sad note.

I know I hate that.

I don't want to end on a sad note.

So what do we want to talk about?

We can cut that out.

I don't know.

We can cut that out.

Yeah.

Yeah, just cut that out.

Anyway.

Yeah.

So anyways, I don't even remember what we talked about just now because I'm so exhausted.

So we talked about dance, child activities.

I know.

I think we should just say on this.

So with that note, we're going to end our episode today.

And go to bed.

And go to bed because we are podcasting at night, which is not our normal schedule.

And this girl is beat.

I know.

And you've worked all day.

I have.

Then I've got to get up in the morning, and I have to edit more video.

You need to get a better stat right now.

Oh, right.

Well, we will see you next time on Midlife Moms.

Well, before we do that, I want to just say one thing.

You can follow us on Instagram at Midlife Moms Pod, all one word, no spaces or underscores.

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And where else?

Is that it?

Yes, I think so, right?

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And we'll see you next time on Midlife Moms Pod.

See ya.