Checking In With Uriah!

What happens when my fifth grader asks for more control over his learning—and then grades his parent on how well that’s going? We sit down for a midyear check-in that blends honesty, humor, and a surprisingly sharp plan to finish strong. From student-directed routines to the “learning hole” metaphor, we unpack how kids build real independence when adults learn to time support just right.

If you’re a parent or teacher, this conversation offers a candid look at agency, accountability, and the art of stepping back without checking out. Listen for concrete strategies you can try today: question-first coaching, smarter tool sequencing, and environment tweaks that make focus easier. If it resonates, tap follow, share with a friend who’s in the trenches, and leave a quick review with your best tip for timing support—we might feature it next week.

Tuesday Talks—Real conversations sparking real change in education.

Links to all episodes ➡️ https://linktr.ee/drtiffanyslp
Like, comment, subscribe & share!

Connect with us via email  at info@ourwordsmatterllc.com!

Tuesday Talks is hosted by Dr. Tiffany. She has been a Speech/Language Pathologist for 20 years. She's also a speaker and educational consultant. Dr. Tiffany hosts webinars and in-person workshops for teachers and parents.

Book Dr. Tiffany as a speaker for your teachers, parent groups and professional development sessions! Visit: www.OurWordsMatterConsulting.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Tuesday Talks, your educational podcast helping parents become strong advocates for their kids and teachers to make big impacts in the classroom. Here we go.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Hey everybody, I'm back on the Tuesday Talks episode. I've been back in a while, but I enjoy doing this.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

Like you heard it here. He's back for his episode on Tuesday Talks. Nice to have you. Oh, he's mewing. Um, all the Gen Alpha stuff. So I thought it would be great to have my son back for this episode because we checked in with him closer to the start of the school year. He had all these great plans about how fifth grade was going to be different, better, improved from fourth grade, lessons learned, goals he set for himself, ways that I could support him. If you missed that episode, go back, rewatch it, and then watch this one. Watch it for the first time.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

And then watch this one.

SPEAKER_01 1:06

And then watch this one. See if things line up because he's a good talker, but sometimes he needs reminding of what he says because you talk a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

We listen and we don't judge.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

All right. So fifth grade, we're halfway through. How has it been going?

SPEAKER_00 1:24

Good.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Oh, yeah. So we don't do one-word answers here ever, not even just on Tuesday talks, but even in our day-to-day conversation.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Um school has been fun. Think I've made new friends that I didn't know at the start of the school year. And pretty sure I've made more connections than I did last year instead of just sticking with my normal friend group. And I think I've done good with like schoolwork and doing good at home behind the scenes.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

How you're doing what?

SPEAKER_00 2:03

I've been doing good at home behind the scenes.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Oh, behind the scenes at home. Oh, okay. All right. So you set some goals for yourself at the start of the school year.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

I do not remember what those goals were.

SPEAKER_01 2:15

Well, you're in luck because I do. So one of your goals was that you were gonna do more math. So for those who are are, you know, not as familiar with the type of school that your eye goes to, do you want to share? It's called student directed learning. It's a school here in Georgia. And what what does your school day look like? How is it different from public school?

SPEAKER_00 2:38

So we have core skills, which is mainly where you can do any work you want to. So, like you can work on Lexia, Zern, IXL. And if you're playing games through that period, it's not it's not your fault. It's main, it's not the guide's fault, it's your fault. Because if you're playing games and then at the end of the school year, you're not going to middle school. That's a reason because you're playing games during the work time.

SPEAKER_01 3:10

Yes, so you heard him refer to his guide, that's his teacher. So you're right, he has done Montessori since he was three, and now at a student-directed learning school. So you we don't refer to the teachers as teachers, we refer to them as guides, but student-directed learning, he is in charge of his learning on a day-to-day basis. There's no teacher standing at the front of the class teaching material, so it really is a lot put on the kids to learn how to manage their time, focus, you know, have those brain breaks, but also come back to core skills, like he just talked about. So you mentioned that you were gonna work on more math this school year because you got behind last school year because that scenario you just gave about playing games, you weren't playing games, but you were doing a lot of um easier Lexian Titan Club. Yeah, he's a language arts kid. Um, math is kind of challenging.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

But another thing was I was doing tutoring, and then like session five was when I stopped tutoring, and then I had to catch up on Zern because I was doing IXL, and there was no way I could complete all that IXL.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Well, you got caught up on fractions though, and I think that that was really, really good. So in school, have you been focusing more on the math? No, why?

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Because I have to complete Lexia.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

Okay, so you're more focused on completing everything you need to do for language arts, and then you'll get to the math.

SPEAKER_00 4:46

I'm working on math and language arts on a daily basis, but if I finish Lexia, there's no need for me to keep going back to Lexia. So it'll just I'll have more time to focus for these last two sessions on IXL and not um not Lexia. Because you will have finished Lexia, and I've already finished typing club.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Okay, so you're gonna focus more on the language arts and then focus on the math. So you'll shift. Are you concerned that that'll put you behind in the math?

SPEAKER_00 5:24

No, I could complete Alexia this week.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Okay, and then you'll have the rest of the school year to focus on the math piece, right? Yeah, okay. So a few weeks ago, well, I would say more than a few weeks, probably back in October, we did your student-led conference. So instead of teacher parent conference, which is more traditional, we do parent, I'm sorry, student-led conferences at Uriah School. And if you missed that episode, I shared a clip because I recorded it. Because remember, I said he has a lot to share, and sometimes he needs reminding of the goals that he set for himself, like we all do. Um, so based on the goals that you set, then you said you were gonna start asking for more help in math. Have you been doing that? Yeah, more frequently? Who have you been asking?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

My friends and the guides.

unknown 6:17

The guides.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

Okay and has that help been helpful? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

And the apprentice that come in our class.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

The apprentices that come in the class too. So when you are asking for help, I know you said you were afraid that asking for help meant that you were just looking for somebody to give you the answer. Where are you at with that thought? What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 6:41

Not anymore.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

Okay, so you're less afraid to ask for help. Well, that's a good thing, don't you think?

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Okay, in that first episode, when you and I checked in at the start of the school year, you asked me to kind of just let you try things your way first, and then intervene if things aren't going very well. So if you could rate me on a scale one to five, five being magnificent, absolutely amazing, one being horrible, abysmal, where would you rate how well I've done with that? You can be honest.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

2.9.

SPEAKER_01 7:24

Wow, I wasn't expecting to come out that low. So you feel like I'm not giving you the chance as much as you would want.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

No, I feel like I'm being forced to do stuff. Well, are you being I feel like you're kind of telling me what to do and not letting me like what does true mean?

SPEAKER_01 7:47

What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 7:48

Like, this is now and you're the pilot and I'm the co-pilot. And then what I want to be, I want to be the person who can control the plane, and you can come check in. Okay. So I control the plane, don't crash. I can control the plane. And if I do somehow crash, uh learning wise, learning wise, then you can take it back off.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

And then I can be in the pilot seat. Ah, so you want me to just sit back, let you do things your way. If you crash, then come in. Learning wise. Learning-wise, of course, that's what we're talking about. Learning-wise. Isn't that interesting? If you're a parent listening, he just said he wants me to let him crash learning-wise, and then step in to give him some guidance. Why do you prefer it that way?

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Because I mean, if I'm flying the pot the plane nicely, and then I start to dip, and you check that I'm starting to dip before I crash, I was gonna say, before I crash, you take back the pilot seat, and then we take back off, and you're helping me. And once I get that help, then I it's smooth sailing from there with me and the pilot seat.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Okay, so now you're changing what you said before. You don't want to crash.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

Yeah, you as soon as I get to that dip point, then you help me take off.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Okay, so you feel like I've been coming in before you get to the dip point, like when I'm like maybe like right here. Hmm. Do you think that we have two different perceptions on the dip point? Because I feel like your dip is like a real low dip, and my standard of a dip is just like a little bit. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 9:50

So, how can I better allow you to dip as far as you want to dip before I so like it's called like the learning hole that we do at school, so it's where you you as the learner fall down a hole and you give up at the first point, which is when you come in to help me, and then I start climbing my way out of the learning hole by understanding about what I'm learning now, and then once I get back out, if I fall into another hole, I'll know how to get out. So, like right about here when the learning hole starts, and then I get guided out, and then if I go back into another learning hole, I can fly back out of there quickly.

SPEAKER_01 10:41

Oh, so by going into the learning hole and me helping you get out of that learning hole, you feel like the next time you go into a learning hole, you can figure out how to climb yourself back out. But if I don't let you get in the hole in the first place, you'll never know how to get yourself out of it.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

The thing is that it's a self-directed learning school. So if I get in the hole now, it's a me and you situation. But if I'm not in the hole and I'm building bridges over the hole, then that's a school situation.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Okay, okay. So when you are in that learning hole, what can I do? What are some things I can do to help you get out of it?

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Like when you're done with work, when I get home, like help me a little bit. We could both do some work. Well, I could do some work on my like computer, like math or math or language arts, and you can like help me guide me through that. And once I start coming out of the learning hole slowly, then you can start to kind of like let off.

SPEAKER_01 11:56

Okay, okay. So I'll be honest, that's tricky for me because I can almost anticipate the struggle, and then I want to step in. So I think that's a good lesson, a reminder for myself, but also a good lesson for other parents out there, maybe who are stepping in before kids have the chance to really struggle with something. We step in to kind of take over to help avoid the struggle or the hardship. So Uriah is saying, let the kid, or in this case, let you struggle, let you get to the point of hardship and then step in. Now, when I step in, do you want me to just fix it or you want me to ask you questions to help you?

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Ask me questions to help me. Because if you just hop in and like, what's the first answer?

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Do you want me to come in and take over?

SPEAKER_00 12:54

No, like if you let me take over, if you take over and then I come out of that learning hole, you think I'll learn, you think I'll know what to do if I get in another learning hole? It's different between the difference is between like someone just giving you the answer for like a math problem, and then someone guiding you through the math problem. So I prefer like guiding so I can like better understand it if that happens, if it comes across again.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Okay, I I like that. I think I can do better since you rated me like a two-point something.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

2.9.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

Wow. Out of five. I thought I was doing better, but I think I can work on that. I think for me, and maybe there's another parent out there that feels the same way. I know what you're capable of. So I know when you're slacking and when you're giving it your full effort. And so when I see you slacking, that's when I'm like, hey, you you can do better than that. Like I know what you're capable of. Maybe any listeners may feel the same way. So how do how do you expect for me to respond in those situations when I know you aren't reaching your capability? And in those instances, I think you know too. Like, for instance, when you are, I don't know, writing your essays. I know when you've used your best handwriting, and I know when you were just trying to get it over with. Like so, so in that in that in that example, do you want me to let you write the whole essay using poor handwriting, only so I can come back to be like, that wasn't your best handwriting, you really need to redo that. Or do you want me to intervene in the middle to say, Uriah, that's not your best work, why don't you try again with your best effort?

SPEAKER_00 14:49

That's tricky.

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Tricky. Now it's tricky.

SPEAKER_00 14:52

So if something like so, if I'm this is for writing, if you see me having sloppy handwriting, then you can like I say, then you can intervene halfway through. Cause then I feel then it's like I don't get to the end in writing, in writing, not any other thing, in writing. Then you make me redo it, it just kind of like frustrates me. But if I have to do it, redo it halfway and I'm not done, then I'm like, then I'm fresh. I'm still a little fresh.

SPEAKER_01 15:31

Oh, okay. If I'm being honest, the the petty part of me wants to abide by your rule and let you sink into the learning hole before I come rescue you. Hmm. But I like how you're very specific. That's only for writing. Yes. Okay, okay. So it's very situational, you would say. Yeah. When you want me to intervene versus when you don't. Okay. Now, also, what we talked about in that student-led conference was making sure you're sitting around people, other kids, who are just as focused on their work as you are versus getting distracted by friends because you know, you sit next to friends, what are you gonna do? Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Are you talking about school stuff? Probably not. Oh, please. Sometimes, sometimes, but not all the time, right?

SPEAKER_00 16:31

So it's a 60 out of 50, which learning out of 50. What does that even mean?

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Learning is 60 and 50 is um, it would be 40, not 50 to get to 100.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

No, it's 110.

SPEAKER_01 16:48

It's not the way that goes, but I'll leave that there for now. So, what have you done to help change that up where you're sitting next to people who are helping you, not helping you, but who are allowing you to focus and you're allowing them to focus and y'all aren't focusing on each other?

SPEAKER_00 17:06

Um, I've been doing 50-50 with that. 50-50. Some days I'll sit with people who like who are focused on their work, and then some days like on a Friday or Thursday, then I'll like slack off. If if I did not do good work during the weekday, the other days, then Thursday and Friday, then I'll probably definitely not sit next to the probably definitely not definitely probably definitely not sit next to those people so I won't get distracted and finish the work that I missed out on for those three days.

SPEAKER_01 17:52

Okay, okay. So maybe we bump that up to 80% of the time you're sitting next to the people who are less distracting for you than and then maybe 20% of the time. I would love to get it to 100. Do you think that's possible? Why?

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Because I like to send I like to enjoy time with my friends.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Isn't that what recess is for? Noy music.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

You we're usually playing football, and my friends are usually on the other team.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

Okay, so you don't have time to chit-chat. No, well, that's gonna impact how much work you get done. So I ask you to make a decision. What's more important? Friends work, friends work.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

No, stop. Don't don't do that. I think I think work, work and then friends.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Oh, okay. Okay, well, we'll see.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

Don't do this.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

We'll see with the action. Why can't I do that? Oh, is that that that six seven thing? Six seven. It's not cool when the adults do it.

SPEAKER_00 18:54

No, nobody in 2025, 2026 does that.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Oh, 2026 is over.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

No, in 2026. That's what I said. The great meme reset happened on December 31st, 12 o'clock. So there's no more brain rot.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

If you have a Gen Alpha kid and you hear similar talk, just know I'm with you. It's solidarity. I'm as confused as you are, and as concerned as well because I don't know what the heck it means, but I also know that it means something, so it's very peculiar. So we don't do this anymore. We just we do this. Is that how you did it? To show friends and work? Okay, got it. Got it, got it, got it. All right, so what are some things that you're looking forward to to finish out fifth grade? Because you're gonna be going to middle school. So, what are you gonna change to make the second half of the school year better?

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Seven letters. Seven letters? L O C K. I N.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

Lock in.

unknown 20:16

L O C K.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

Six letters? Seven. I forgot the dash.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Oh, seven characters. Okay. Lock in. That's what you're gonna do. Lock in. Okay. Well, we're gonna see if you're gonna lock in. I really hope that you do. And I hope that I can bring my score up from a 2.9, even though the guidance you gave is kind of 6.7. Oh my gosh. The things that were a thing are no longer a thing. But I'm still now I finally get 6-7 and now I can't do it. That doesn't seem fair, does it?

SPEAKER_00 20:57

It's 2026. So it's been two years since 6-7 has been alive.

SPEAKER_01 21:03

I don't know about that.

SPEAKER_00 21:05

It started in 2024.

SPEAKER_01 21:07

But I feel like you were still doing it in 2025.

SPEAKER_00 21:10

No, that it happened on, like I said, December 31st, 12 a.m. Is when the great meme reset started.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

Okay. Well, if you didn't know that, you heard it here first. So I'm hoping that you finish out this fifth grade year strong because middle school is coming.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 21:34

Like a freight train. He has promised not to turn into an emo preteen because I'm not dealing with I am a preteen. Well, you're 10, so not quite yet. But I'm a preteen. He's promised not to become a moody teammate. Yeah, we don't want that. I think we might do an episode on here coming up talking about how to handle the middle school emotional hormonal roller coaster. Because I'm gonna need to know how to deal with you should that happen. And I think there are some parents out there that might also benefit from that. Let me know in the comments what you think. Might be a good thing to do. I think we should do it like handling middle school boys and middle school girls, like do two separate episodes. What do you think? Share, be helpful, give me a heads up. Decent. All right. Well, thank you for being my guest. I really appreciate it. He's always excited to be on and always has lots to share for sure. So thank you for joining me for another amazing Tuesday talks. I hope that you will like, subscribe, share all the social media things. And with that, I'll see you next week for another episode. Bye. Be sure to share this episode and join me next week for a brand new Tuesday talks.