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Tuesday Talks!
Join me for weekly discussions about ALL things education...from preschool through high school! As a mom, Speech Language Pathologist, and educator, I share my personal experiences related to each week's topic in relatable and informative ways.
My message about education is powerful: Reflecting on what is and making waves to cause change!
Tuesday Talks!
What Parents And Coaches Miss About Student Athletes’ Mental Health
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Your child can look fearless under the lights and still be carrying a heavy load home. We sit down with Licensed Mental Health Clinician Jasmine P. Evans to separate sports myths from clinical reality and to talk about what student athlete mental health actually looks like in real time, especially when pressure is high and emotions are pushed underground.
Jasmine explains why “tough” is not the same as silent, how identity tied to a sport can make setbacks feel personal, and what warning signs to watch for beyond the box score, like isolation, shutdown after games, and sudden changes in how a kid relates to teammates, coaches, and family. We also dig into practical ways to help, including creating a safe space for honest check-ins, defining what we mean when we say “toughen up,” and recognizing burnout as depletion rather than laziness.
If you care about youth sports, high school athletics, or simply want healthier, more resilient kids, this conversation offers clear language, realistic guidance, and a better standard for support. Subscribe, share this with a coach or parent, and leave a review with one question you want answered next.
Tuesday Talks—Real conversations sparking real change in education.
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Tuesday Talks is hosted by Dr. Tiffany. She has been a Speech/Language Pathologist for 20 years. She's also a speaker and educational consultant. Dr. Tiffany hosts webinars and in-person workshops for teachers and parents.
Book Dr. Tiffany as a speaker for your teachers, parent groups and professional development sessions! Visit: www.OurWordsMatterConsulting.com
Welcome And Why It Matters
SPEAKER_00Welcome to Tuesday Talks, your educational podcast helping parents become strong advocates for their kids and teachers to make big impacts in the classroom. Here we go. Hey, hey, hey, welcome back for another Tuesday Talks. Again, if you are new to our podcast, please like, subscribe, set your notifications, all of those things. And if this is your first time, welcome. Share this with a friend. This is definitely going to be one that you're going to want to talk about with colleagues. And what better way to talk about it is if you both listen to it. So I encourage you to share. So if you join us for part one, I talk with Jasmine Evans, mental health clinician. And we talked about what it really feels like to navigate the mental health space as a student athlete. And these are clients of Jasmine's that she works with. And then she weaves in her own personal experience as a collegiate athlete as well into her practice. And today she's back. If you remember from the first episode with her, we had so much that we dove into that we didn't get a chance to finish it all up. So she's back and we're going to dive deeper into the space where mental health is often hidden in plain sight. And that is school sports. So welcome back, Jasmine. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. So we're going to do something a little different today. I'm going to give you a series of statements that I think most parents and coaches get confused about between their own beliefs and then what research and clinical professionals know as true. So you're going to tell me true or false based on the statements that I give. But I do want to be clear for everybody listening. This isn't just a game that we're playing of true and false because these beliefs that we're going to unpack and dive into, they really shape how adults respond to athletes every single day. And sometimes getting it wrong can come at a cost. So let's go ahead and dive in. So this first one, true or false?
What Mental Toughness Really Is
SPEAKER_00Athletes are mentally tough, but they still struggle like other kids.
SPEAKER_02That's a good one. So that is that statement is true. Athletes, they often seem like or seem as mental toughness is something that they should be immune to. And then also when it comes to their struggle, in fact, a lot of the same pressures that are built built on toughness can also create stress. So when you think about the mental toughness, it is situational, not more so universal, right? So athletes are trained to push through the pain. They're trained to stay focused and perform under pressure in their sport, but that doesn't automatically transfer to emotions and relationships and also outside competition. And kids can be strong on the field, but they still can feel overwhelmed when it comes to at home or also at school or in their social environments. And then another thing that you would want to look at is the high expectations and the pressures that they have to deal with. They often deal with the pressure to win, the pressure to perform, the pressure to be perfect on the field. And then, of course, when it comes to expectations from their coaches, their parents, even their teammates, because of course, if you go in and you're dominating, whether it's on the court, on the field, on the track, when you perform, they expect perfectionism. They expect you to win because when you look around, it's like, oh, well, you got this person. Oh, you yeah, you're gonna average like 25 points this game, and you can do this, you can do that. But knowing the kids, sometimes they fear letting other people down, especially their parents. And then, of course, with the coaches and their teammates, but it's a constant pressure, and it can also lead to anxiety, it can lead to depression, it can lead to burnout, because that's one thing that we don't talk about. That's one thing that a lot of coaches don't talk about. And parents, they don't identify it right away, right? So when they do that, they sometimes feel like they're never enough. And then when they get to that point, that's when you start to see a decline in their performance or in the their social environment, whether it's talking to a coach or speaking with teammates or even talking to parents after a game. Because sometimes some parents, when they when you get in the car, it's like if they're upset with you because you didn't perform at your best, of course you're gonna get a mouthful, ear full on that ride home from from the game, right? I've been there before. But sometimes, like I said, you just you just don't know. But but kids, kids who are student athletes, they definitely experience experience the mental the mental aspect as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. So, like from your perspective and your your clinical expertise, what does healthy mental toughness actually look like? Because we do want our kids to maybe push a little bit past what they think they're capable of. We do want them to go a little bit harder than what maybe they think they're capable of. We don't want them to just stop at the first line or being tired or feeling overwhelmed. So, like, what does healthy mental toughness look like?
SPEAKER_02Well, healthy mental toughness, it looks like a player or student, student athlete, it looks like them communicating their emotions, communicating what they want to express, communicating what it is that's wrong, something that's bothering them, a concern. And then also knowing when to rest, knowing when you have to sit this one out. Because of course, if you aren't confident in your ability, not only physical but also mental, sometimes it can hinder you when you out you're out on the field. And of course, when you can't speak about certain things, it it bothers you in the inside. So, of course, when if it bothers you in the inside, somehow, somehow it's gonna come out physically as well.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think that's so important. Knowing when to rest and being able to communicate the emotions are really important. And I I know for my own kid and even myself, I look to the coaches to give me cues for that, right? So I'm like, hey, you did practice these days, these days. And the coach is like, give him tomorrow off. He needs to rest. He's 10, the body needs to rest, the mind needs to rest. He had a kind of a rocky practice one day, and I'm like, what can I do to help him build up resilience? And the coach was like, just let him just mentally rest for tomorrow, just let him soak in. It's like overload on his cognitive, the physical, the emotional right now. So just let him kind of sit with those feelings, sit with the things that he's been learning over the season, and then the next practice, then come back out and hit it. But just give him the day off. And I'll tell you, my son was not happy about having to take the day off. He was ready to get back out there and prove, like, I can do it. But and I'm sure if you have kids in high school sports, even college sports, getting them to take a day off, you sit out too much, somebody's right there ready to take your spot. And so looking to the coaches to be able to give you that guidance, I think goes a long way in helping you reinforce it with your student. So, like if the parent, if the coach is saying, No, push, push, and the parents say, I think he needs to rest, I feel like the kid is going to listen to the coach, right? But you can get on the same page, and that's when I think you can have that healthier mental toughness. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it definitely makes sense. And with you saying, just speaking about your son, usually the student athletes they identify as that sport, they identify as the basketball player, as the baseball player, as the football player. So their identity is tied into their performance. And many young athletes they start to believe if I don't play well, I'm not valuable. So when it comes to their identity, which is tied to their sport with setbacks, losses, injuries, being benched. Even with you, you said taking a mental day, taking a just a day of rest, it can really hit hard emotionally because now they feel like they're not enough or that they're not valuable.
SPEAKER_00That's so important. So I think right there, confusing toughness with silence, that is where we start missing kids. That's where we start missing those little signs that we talked about in part one of this episode. All right, that was great. Okay, statement number two, true or false.
High Performance Can Hide Pain
SPEAKER_00If a student athlete is performing well, they must be fine emotionally.
SPEAKER_02Whew, not necessarily. That that statement is false. Doing well outside, on the outside, it doesn't necessarily mean that they're okay in the inside. The performance and the emotional well-being, there aren't they, they're not the same thing. Well, student athlete can excel and still struggle, they can be excellent and still feel bad on the inside. And with that comes the high performance, which is masked, it masks the stress, it it masks the depression, the anxiety, the pressures. Because once they get into their sport, they use that a way to cope and escape from their reality. And I myself did the same thing when I was younger, and also when I was in uh high school and in college, and even now as a grown adult, being an athlete still, sometimes I still use basketball as a as a as an escape. Of course, because we pour so much into our performance, whether it's practicing, whether it's watching film, whether it's getting extra work work on the side, of course, we distract ourselves from stress, anxiety, and sadness. Usually when you are going through a lot, it's like, okay, well, I'm just gonna go do something that I enjoy, something that I love. So when it comes to the success, we sometimes hide our emotion and our feelings with the success, which it's not always good, but at the same time, it feels good at the in the moment. And then too, when you think about, when you think about the emotional, the emotional aspect of looking outside, thinking that someone is well, you also have to think about the perfectionism and also the pressure that we spoke about previously, because adult super athletes who perform well often hold themselves at a high standard anyway, especially if you've been doing it for years, especially if you put in countless hours and all this time, blood, sweat tears into this sport. You fear making mistakes. You fear not doing well, the constant need to prove themselves. So, like you said with your son, again, with the mental health day, he wanted to prove to you, no, I don't need rest. Like I'm good to go. And I want to prove that to my teammates, to my coaches, to the fans, to everybody. And sometimes they go through the kids, they go through the pressure to maintain their status. So, like you said, the next person is waiting for their time. So if you are taking too much time or if you're not performing well, that someone else is ready for their moment. And of course, coaches who I've played for, they always express that like someone is waiting, someone is waiting to take your spot. So you have to perform at this high level, you have to perform and not make mistakes and things of that nature because your spot is vulnerable. Like, like, so in that case, we're told that as athletes, so of course, that's another layer of stress when it comes to trying to be perfect, when it comes to, okay, well, I don't want to take days off because if I do, then that means Bianca can come in and just take my spot. She can do wonderful in that game. And if my coach sees that and she's like, Oh, well, let's give Bianca the starting position. So just the pressures to maintaining our status, and even and even if we're winning internally, they might feel anxious, they might feel tense, and then sometimes just never satisfied. So that statement is false.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So I I definitely hear you. Just because athlete is performing well doesn't mean that emotionally they're doing well. And I know last time we talked, you said parents know your kids, coaches, know your players so you can see those signs because they might not be the same for every athlete. What are some of the signs that parents and even coaches can focus on outside of just the outcome? What could they look for emotionally that a child is doing that may give them kind of a warning that they might be struggling with their mental health?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Isolation is one. Uh, when a child goes silent, usually some athletes, not all, have personalities. They like to talk, they like to get out and perform. They sometimes they have that have that main character, that main character energy. But if they isolate themselves from the team, if they choose not to respond even verbally to the coach. And then even with parents, if you you are on that ride home and your child doesn't say anything, those are some of the things that you uh can definitely look look into when it comes to the concerns.
SPEAKER_00Gotcha. I think that's so important that we know our kids, we know how they respond to stress, we know how they respond to letdown. I don't know if I shared this before, but I did sports in high school. I was never at this elite status that any of this came into play for me. I was just like we know for MS. So I'll just keep saying every time I went out there. Pat on the back. But I know there are kids that are, you know, when you start out the season and you are like the best on the team, that you're gonna stay there for the duration of the season, no matter whether you're doing rec or this is school-based sports or even collegiate sports. You start out high, the expectation is that you're gonna stay there or get better. So that can be a lot. And so I think it is so important that we know our kids and the coaches know their players, so you can see any shifts to go and then just have that conversation with them. Super important. Yes, performance can be very polished, but the pain, the emotional pain is what can be hidden. And so that's what I think we need to do.
SPEAKER_02Definitely and another thing going along with that, their performance as well. If you feel if you see or notice a decline in their performance, that there's something because you you already know how strong they are. Oh, we got to do this move. You, your your IQ is is top tier. But of course, if you are struggling with just the simple things that you practice and that you have the skills of, you definitely have to pay attention to the performance, the performance levels of what they per where they perform. Sorry.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, so that I love that. I love that you pointed that out. All right, I think the next one I know the answer to. The first two I was kind of like, I don't know, but I think I know the answer to this one. But here
Sports As Escape Versus Support
SPEAKER_00we go. Sports are an outlet, so athletes don't need additional mental health support.
SPEAKER_02So the idea sounds logical, of course, but that is false. Sports can be an out an outlet, sorry, but they they don't replace the need for mental support. And the reasons why the sport isn't enough, or sports in general, the reasons why they aren't enough, because an outlet isn't the same thing as processing your emotions. It's not the same thing. This is an escape, it's coping, right? It's something that you love, you have passion for. But playing the sport can release stress, yes, running, competing, even with the teamwork, team building, all that, all of those great things, right? But it doesn't automatically help an athlete mentally, emotionally, right? It can help with understanding uh their feelings, working through anxiety, anger, sadness, working through uh adversity, but and also building, building coping skills. But without that, once those feelings are bottled up and you don't have someone to talk to or someone that you trust to even feel just a little bit better, right? You will see all of those emotions come out in other ways. So it the out the outlet is temporary, which is good, but it doesn't negate the fact that you do need support, mental support outside of that, right?
SPEAKER_00Because I mean, I I've I've processed emotions before, like getting on the treadmill, going lifting heavy, just get out all of the feels, but the thoughts that even brought up those feelings are still there once you finish. Yeah. Yeah. And so then you have to learn how to process those thoughts, how to swipe left on those thoughts and get past it to the next, to the next really important. And I think it's something that we teach our kids different things, but I don't know that we teach the importance of protecting your mental health space. Like, what does it look like to protect that and making sure that we don't want to shift from sports becoming an outlet because it can be to it becoming a source of pressure because now you go into the same thing, the sport, to relieve the feeling. That's also the source of the pressure that you're feeling. That's a lot to kind of tease out. So I think it's really important that we have those conversations with our kids because an only an outlet only works when it feels safe. And when it feels like everything is on the line, then that outlet is no longer safe anymore.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So what you so yeah, so what you were saying, the sport itself can cause the stress. So instead of, like you said, so instead of relieving that stress, the sports it's adding on to it, the performance pressure, the fear of failure, the competition for competing for your time, for your play, and also injuries and setbacks. So the same place that helps you cope can also be the major source of the emotional strain.
SPEAKER_00For sure. Okay, this next one talking about mental health will improve
Mental Health Talks Improve Performance
SPEAKER_00athletes' performance. True or false?
SPEAKER_02True. So talking about the mental, the mental health aspect, it can improve the performance because this one is actually much closer to the truth, but it all it is also important to understand how. So reducing those uh mental barriers for the athlete to talk openly can help reduce the anxiety, it can help reduce overthinking, it can also help with the fear of failure. So a clear mind equals better focus, better decision making as well. It can also build an emotional regulation so that athletes can understand their emotions when they can stay composed under pressure. So if you're at the free throw line and there is two minutes left, but two seconds left, and the game is you're down one and you need those two free throws. And you want to make both because, of course, with the time and this is your moment to bring your team up, usually when you have that open space and that that space that's trusting, usually it'll help with staying composed under pressure and then bouncing back fast after you make mistakes. And then, of course, it avoids the emotional meltdowns during the game. I know one time when, if I remember correctly, I'm pretty sure 100%, when we were, when I was in college, one of my teammates, she was making mistake after mistake after mistake, and we didn't understand why the coach did not take her out. And she literally had a meltdown at the half court. But of course, our coach trusted her and wanted to give her that time to bounce back and compose herself, but she didn't really bounce back. But at the same time, in those moments that are crucial, in those moments where your team or your coaches need you, you want to be able to keep your composure. You want to be able to figure out and navigate and process your emotions, even if you mess up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that is super important. And I think it's equally important to just understand that support doesn't weaken the athlete, actually stabilizes them. Then I start to think about at the elite level, of course. I'm assuming I should say, I assume they have mental health professionals there at the elite level for athletes to talk to. But when we're talking about kids in rec leagues and high school teams, college teams, and maybe our D1 schools, what that support looks like. So I think parents need to ask that question because while I say the coach should be the one to kind of spearhead these conversations, that might not be the person, depending on what team your kid is on. So as a parent, then it's up to us to be sure that we are checking in and giving our kids access to professionals to be able to talk about it, even at the most basic level of sport. Once that pressure, once we go from oh, we're just it's just having fun on the field, that level's over, and it's like we came here to win, and it's like I invested all of this money. You better not think and my time, you better get out there and show me what I'm saying. But like, we need to make sure that we have an outlet for them, a safe person to come and talk to, so that their athletic performance can continue to improve. So I think that's super important. Okay, oh yeah, go ahead.
SPEAKER_02Well, I was gonna say too, I every time we talk, I think of something else as you're talking and responding. So another thing you want to look at is that when you do create that safe space or have that person that they trust, it definitely increases the confidence and the self-aware awareness around the athlete. So if you have that kind of uh that conversation about who they are versus how they perform, it builds the stable confidence and not just performance, but it also builds that confidence outside the sport as well. And it prevents burnout as well. Because of course, talking about stress, talking about fatigue, talking about motivation, it helps the student and the athlete recognize when they're overwhelmed and then they can adjust before they have the crash out, right? And that keeps the performance more consistent over time.
SPEAKER_00I think that's so important because I know a lot of parents feel like there are life lessons that you learn through being on sports teams. You learn how to work together, you learn how to step up to be a leader, you learn how to give input, you learn how all the things, right? And so we want not only those tangible skills to be transferred into their lives, but we also want them to take away intangible skills as well, like being able to do a self-check-in. What does that mean? How do I respond to myself when I'm having thoughts and moments? Because the person that is the safe space, maybe they're not available in the moment. So how can I do a self-check-in to make sure that I'm okay until I can get to the person that I need to talk to? So making sure that we value those intangible skills from sports as we do the tangible skills too. So really good. All right, here's the next one.
Coaches’ Role And Team Culture
SPEAKER_00We kind of touched on this one a little bit, but coaches are responsible for performance and a student's mental health. True or false?
SPEAKER_02Short answer coaches do play an important role in both, but this is false. They are not solely responsible for the athlete's mental health. What coaches are responsible for is the performance and the development. This is their primary role, of course, building the skill and the strategies to perform and also the preparation and creating that structure, that structure, safe environment for growth. But they can touch on different things when that comes with training and different things of that nature, but they're also responsible for the team environment. This can also impact the mental health a lot. So when coaches strongly influence the team culture, support versus toxicity, sorry, it can play a significant role in the athlete's uh mental health. And then also, too, it's important for the coaches to highlight how mistakes are handled on the court, off the court, things of that nature. And then whether the athlete feels safe with speaking up, because of course you want to pour life into your athletes. You want to build that rapport with them because most of the time when you're in that sport, you are spending a lot of the time with the coaches, with your teammates. So if you're on a tournament and mom and dad can't be there, who's the adult that you're gonna go to if you are having problems? It is the coach. So a coach who promotes respect, balance, and communication, it can protect the athlete's well-being.
SPEAKER_00I love that. So you don't have to be a therapist in order to create that safe space. So you got lots of credentials after your name, but you don't have to be that professional in order to like be there and be a safe space for an athlete, too. And I think it's really important. I I coached my son's soccer team, I think it was like six years soccer, got my arm twisted and ended up being a soccer coach. I've never played soccer in my life. But I remember going through the training, we have to go through the training, and most of it was just about like being a mandated reporter if a kid says something new that's concerning, making sure that you understand how to create that coach and athlete separation of roles or not doing any fuddy duddy stuff for kids. Yeah, but I don't recall anything a part of that training as how to respond to a child's mental health needs. Like, how do you give the pep talk? How do you help a kid bounce back from maybe not playing their best? So I think that could be something that could be thought about for people who are developing these coaching training programs. Yes, all the stuff that I had to answer and go through was very important, don't get me wrong. But I think that there is a place there for the program to build up the coach because you're just taking at this point. The teams are like just taking whoever says yes, right. Like you got a clean background, you say yes. I didn't you had all the practices anyway, you might as well, right? I didn't well let me pick which days practice. I felt like that was a really important thing. So I was like, okay, I'll coach. But yeah, so I just I think it's really important that anybody listening just knows that coaches they are responsible for performance, they're not necessarily responsible for your student athlete's mental health, though. So that's something that as a parent, you're gonna have to take under your wing and deal with, and then also from the coach's side, knowing that you can be that safe space, it just might take a little bit more outside training for yourself, and yeah.
SPEAKER_02Most definitely, so yeah, I'm like I said, I'm I'm every time you say something, it's like, oh, oh, but let me say. But the thing is too, like I definitely agree that coaches are not responsible for being a therapist or a counselor, they're not trained, which you said, but I think it is most definitely important, and that is something that I'm working on. But it shouldn't be expected for them to diagnose a mental condition or also provide therapy for the child, and they're not trained to handle complex emotions or trauma, trauma-related issues at all. That responsibility, it belongs to, of course, a trained professional, psychologists, counselors, uh, social workers, things of that nature. But it does play a significant role when it comes to what the coach knows and what they don't know. But like you spoke about the mandated reporter, of course, all adults usually in those roles are mandated reporters. But like you said, you want to make sure that the difference and can balance what a child says opposed to what reality is as well.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, super important. Okay, this next one really
Why “Toughen Up” Hurts Boys
SPEAKER_00hits home for me or false. Boys in sports just need to toughen up.
SPEAKER_02I mean, the ideal is really, it's really common in sports, but it's actually more harmful, especially with boys, right? The just toughen up. It doesn't work, it confuses the toughness with suppression because a lot of the times real mental toughness, it isn't it isn't ignoring the emotion, whereas managing them. You can manage them, but you don't want to build that culture with your child, with boys, because that's what we're talking about. You don't want them to build that skill of not opening up and hiding their feelings or just pushing through just because you're a boy. You have to be strong and you don't want them to avoid talking about stress because these things build up. So, like we talked about earlier, if it doesn't come out during the sport itself, it will come out outside of the sport, whether it's aggression, whether it's anger, whether it's talking back. And another thing is with the academic, you may see a decline in their academics and things of that nature. So it doesn't make the emotions go away, but just stores them for later. But it's very important to make little boys know, or even the teenagers, and to let them know that it is okay to have these emotions and it's okay to speak, it's okay to talk. Because of course, we you're a boy, you're not supposed to cry. That's what a lot of boys are. That's what a lot they're taught. You they're taught that. So then it goes into avoidance. To they don't want to cry in front of you because it's a sign of weakness. I don't want to tell you my feelings because it's a sign of weakness. So a lot of the times the the toughen up, it it really grinds my gears when people say that to kids, but what you don't know, you just don't know, right?
SPEAKER_00So yeah, when you better, you do better. So hopefully after listening to this episode, sharing it with friends, everybody will know better. So then they will do better. I've been guilty of doing that myself with my son who come over. His cleats, it's always something with the cleats. Oh my god, his cleats are hurting the back of his foot or then his leg is aching. So I'm like on a scale of one to five. One being you can just walk it off, five meaning we need to leave here and go to the ER right now. Where are we on the scale? They'll say his number. I'm like, okay, well, then just you got 20 minutes left. Just try to work through it. Of course, if it's something we hit the ground and hit his head, then of course, taking a little bit of action. But I do want him to start to ask himself those questions. Like, how bad is this? Was this something I can stretch out? Is this something I could just go on the sideline and work out for a second, take my shoe off, adjust my sock, whatever it is, jump back in. I don't want him to just, oh, ouch, okay, I'm out. Like, yeah, definitely it's over. Like, no, I don't want that. So I think there's this fine line to balance between pushing through, but not saying, like, toughen up. It hurts, it's painful, but you just need to toughen up and deal with it because you said something super important. It they bottle it up for later. So, right in that moment, they might not express all the emotions that are coming up, but later on, they're gonna express it. And then that's when you might find yourself having conflict at home with you and your kids.
SPEAKER_02Yep, definitely concerns, concerns when it comes to risk risk-taking behaviors too, and the sudden emotional outbursts, and then also just shutting down and being withdrawn from everyone, isolation, which we spoke about earlier. So instead of creating the strong athlete, it can definitely create unpredictable emotional responses, which are very unpredictable, but that's what you create when you push them to toughen up, toughen up, toughen up. You don't want to, you don't want to create that. And then also, too, it increases the emotional, the mental mental health risk. So, boys at sports, they already face pressure to perform well and to be strong, but it also adds silence on top of that, which leads to anxiety, depression, burnout, the feeling of wanting to isolate and then trying to understand being misunderstood, you know, because a lot of the times when they can't speak, they feel like their opinion or their feelings, their emotions, their thoughts are not valued. So then they get to thinking, okay, well, no one understands me, no one gets me. But many, many boys they don't seek help because they're told to toughen up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And I think it's so important to define as a coach or a parent what you mean by toughen up, right? Because I could say toughen up and mean one thing, you might say it to a player and mean something totally different. So, like explaining what toughness means. I was talking with uh a mom of a kid on my son's team a couple of seasons ago, and she was like, Oh, yeah, my kid plays better when he's angry. So I hear that a lot. Try to like egg him on to get angry because he plays better. And in my mind, I was like, No, that doesn't sound healthy at all. It's not healthy whatsoever. Because when you're angry, you act from a place that's out of character for you, right? Like so then you and and maybe she meant I didn't ask what her working definition of angry was, but she wants him to play more aggressive or maybe keep us more focused if he's angry. But I think it's super important for us to define it, even as parents and coaches, what we mean if we use the term toughen up. Toughen up means I want you to not give up at the first sign of something being difficult. I want you to try to push yourself harder on one more sprint or whatever it is, but give a definition because we might be saying toughen up and meaning it one way, but the kid receives it in a totally different way and thinks, oh, I need to suppress my emotions. Oh, I can't cry right now, oh, I can't do X, Y, and Z. And perhaps that's not even what the coach or even the parent even meant.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So the term toughen up, like you were saying, it usually goes into stop complaining, work through it. Yeah, there's pressure, yeah, there's injuries, yeah, there can be whatever, but just do it. So all the in a nutshell can be all that. Oh, you're crying. Okay, suck it up. We don't care. You still have to perform, you still have to do do what you're supposed to, but yeah, so it is it is confusing when it comes to kids.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and I think it just goes back to knowing your child, knowing your athlete, because there are going to be some moments in life where you might be to the point of tears, but you still gotta push through to finish whatever it is, right? That's a skill you may learn on the field that's applicable to life, but I think it just warrants a deeper conversation to understand when you're at that certain point and you want pride that perhaps you take a moment for yourself before you move into the next thing. Yes. Okay, so here's our
Burnout Signs And Parent Check-Ins
SPEAKER_00last one. Burnout just means an athlete isn't committed enough. True or false?
SPEAKER_02This is actually a common belief, but it's actually backwards. It's false, of course. Uh, burnout doesn't mean an athlete isn't committed. Most of the time, it just means that they are too committed for way too long without enough recovery or support. Burnout, what burnout usually is it's a state of that emotional and physical exhaustion that reduces the motivation and or enjoyment that with the feeling of detachment and or they just feel checked out, right? And it's not laziness, it's depletion. Some people see it as, oh, you're just lazy, or oh, you just don't want to do it. But no, burnout is definitely it, it comes. It comes and with speaking to your kids about where they are, and like you said earlier, checking in, it's definitely important.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. How do you differentiate burnout from a lack of motivation? How do I know if my kid is actually burned out or if they just need a bit more of a push to just get motivated? How do I know the difference as a parent?
SPEAKER_02Um, so when you see your child train the hardest and care the most when they're passionate, when they have all these feelings behind their sport, when they push through pain or fatigue, that's the difference, right? But when you do see them not wanting to quit and also overexhausting themselves, which sometimes it's not right, but when you see that for a fact that that's not burned out, because of course they're passionate, they sleep, eat, breathe, whatever the sport. But when you do see the constant pressure, and like I said, when it comes to them being withdrawn, when they respond in a negative way to coaches or their teammates, when they respond in a negative way to you as a parent, that constant pressure just weighs it weighs them down. And when they feel like they're constantly failing, when they're not living up to the expectations from the coach and or from their parents, failure, when you see that, oh well, you can do this, but it's something is just not clicking, that can most definitely be a sign of burnout.
SPEAKER_00I think that's so important. I mean, this whole conversation is really important. I think the main takeaway is knowing your kid, knowing your athletes on your team, being that safe space, and creating space for kids to communicate their thoughts and feelings without judgment or being pushed into a different direction than how they are expressing that they feel about a specific issue that happened at a game or practice or issue with the coach as well. So I think it's so important. Thank you so much for joining me today. You're welcome. So this was excellent.
Where To Get Help And Closing
SPEAKER_00If anyone wants to get in touch with Jasmine P. Evans, our licensed mental health clinician, tell us how we can get in touch with you.
SPEAKER_02So you guys can get in touch with me on Instagram. My Instagram is JPE Counseling at JPE Counseling. I do also have a profile on Growth Therapy. So you can find me on Grow Therapy for coaching. You can just email me. My email is jpecounseling22 at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_00Love that. Thank you so much, Jasmine. This was such a great conversation, and it really reminds us that strength and struggle can exist at the same time. And our student athletes are not just performers, they are young people navigating pressure, identity, and expectations in real time. And so if you are a parent or a coach listening, don't just ask the kid how they play, ask how they're doing. How are they feeling? And if something feels off, trust that instinct because early support really does matter. And if you or a young person you love needs support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional, a school counselor, a trusted adult, like our guest today, because resources and support lines that kids have access to helps them become not just a better athlete, but a better human. And that is what we all want at the end of the day, whether you're a parent or a coach. So with that, I want to thank you for joining me for another Tuesday Talks and be sure to check us out next week for another episode. Bye. Be sure to share this episode and join me next week for a brand new Tuesday Talks.
SPEAKER_01See ya.