From Chaos to Calm: Regulating Your Nervous System with Emily Steines

Full Episode Page: From Chaos to Calm: Regulating Your Nervous System with Emily Steines

Episode Summary : Kelly Berry hosts Emily Steines, founder of BoopBod, to explore the importance of regulating your nervous system and achieving balance amid life's chaos. Emily’s unique approach combines science, spirituality, and somatic practices to help individuals disrupt self-sabotaging patterns and reconnect with their body’s wisdom. From understanding subconscious beliefs to setting boundaries, this conversation offers actionable strategies for regaining presence and stepping into your authentic self. If you’ve ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected, Emily’s insights might just give you the “Aha!” moment you need to create lasting change.

Takeaways:

• Balance chaos with calm: Shift from chronic stress to intentional regulation.
• Harness body wisdom: Use somatic practices to reconnect with your true self.
• Set boundaries with clarity: Safeguard energy to avoid burnout.
• Reprogram subconscious beliefs: Unlock new possibilities with conscious action.

Links:

• Emily’s Website
• Emily on Instagram
• The Daily Five
• Hype Hub Membership (use code PODCAST to save 15%!)
• Nervous System Toolkit (use code PODCAST to save 15%!)
• Emily on LinkedIn

This episode is supported by Bon Charge - Use code LIFEINTENDED to save 15%!

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Authentic Living
02:11 The Intersection of Science, Spirituality, and Somatics
04:27 Emily's Journey: From Burnout to Empowerment
09:31 Awareness and Recovery: Understanding Dysregulation
15:54 Understanding Regulation and Dysregulation
26:56 The Impact of Boundaries on Well-Being
37:10 The Importance of Stillness and Presence
47:30 The Role of the Subconscious in Regulation
01:00:27 Resources and Next Steps for Personal Growth

Visit https://www.kellyberry.info/partners to learn more about all of the partners that support Life Intended.

Visit https://www.kellyberry.info/partners to learn more about all of the partners that support Life Intended.

Visit https://www.kellyberry.info/partners to learn more about all of the partners that support Life Intended.

Life Intended is a podcast and coaching platform for women who are ready to stop waiting and start leading. Co-hosted by Kelly Berry and Sadie Wackett, each episode explores self-leadership, identity, emotional wellness, and living with intention.

About Kelly Berry
Kelly Berry is a strategic business leader, coach, and founder of Life Intended. She helps women build clarity, confidence, and alignment in life and work. She enjoys spending quality time with her husband American entrepreneur Nick Berry and daughter Vivienne. Her life is a testament to the power of resilience and intention.
🔗 kellyberry.info | @lifeintendedpodcast

About Sadie Wackett
Sadie Wackett is a C-suite HR executive, certified coach, and co-founder of Life Intended. She supports women through leadership transitions, self-trust, and personal transformation. Sadie is originally from the UK and now lives in South Florida with her husband, daughter and dog, Pickles.
🔗 sadiewackett.com | LinkedIn

Life Intended is published in partnership with FCG.

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Transcript

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Emily Steines (00:00)
Without being too sciencey or nerdy, regulation is our ability to kind of maintain balance between a state of calm.

It's chaos. So like, we are not meant to be calm and regulated 24-7. We are human beings. Our nervous system is brilliant and it's there to protect us for different reasons. We also need some mobilization with our sympathetic to get moving, to get things done. And it's not unhealthy to be in what we would consider a dysregulated state. It's just a matter of how long are we living there? And many of us are chronically stuck there, which is when we'll talk about dysregulation, that's really what I'm speaking to.

Kelly Berry (00:35)
Hi friends, you're listening to Life Intended, a podcast that explores what it means to be true to yourself and live an authentic and purposeful life. I'm your host Kelly Berry, and each episode of Life Intended explores my guests' version of personal growth, self-discovery, and the pursuit of becoming the best version of themselves so that you can take what you need and incorporate it into your life to live with more intention and authenticity. Whether you're seeking to develop your leadership skills,

overcome challenges, or simply live a more fulfilling life, you will find guidance, motivation, and practical strategies to help you navigate your unique journey. Today, I have an amazing expert on the podcast, and I'm really excited for today's conversation. Emily Steinis is the founder of Bootbod. Her work combines science, spirituality, and somatics to help us disrupt self-sabotaging patterns and step into our true power and aliveness.

She has over 15 years of experience as a life and embodiment coach. She's a 500 hour registered yoga teacher, an IIN holistic health coach, an SFG kettlebell trainer, and a breath work facilitator. Emily's mission is to help you unlock the wisdom and intelligence residing within your body, nervous system, intuition, and unconscious mind, reigniting your true essence and fulfillment. Gosh, Emily, that sounds amazing. I want some of that.

Emily Steines (02:00)
It's a mouthful.

Kelly Berry (02:03)
Yeah. Welcome to the podcast. Like I said, I'm really excited for today's conversation. Thanks for being here.

Emily Steines (02:09)
Thanks Kelly, I'm so happy to be here. It's an honor.

Kelly Berry (02:11)
Tell us more. I think one thing that I wanted you to talk a little bit about from your bio is how your work combines science, spirituality, and somatics. Can you talk a little bit about what that means to you?

Emily Steines (02:25)
Yeah, I would love to. So I originally started in the health and fitness world. So I have a background in a lot of physiology and anatomy and all of that as a personal trainer and yoga teacher and these different things. I've always been fascinated with our own beings and nerding out on the physiology and the science behind us as humans.

And then when I kind of went through my own little like bottoms out, breaking point, complete burnout, hospitalization situation years ago, that's kind of when I really started to reignite this more of the spirituality element, more of the energetics, more of this, yeah, the energy healing, the inner child healing, getting connected to the chakras, essential oils, breath work, unconscious reprogramming, like all these different things. So I really, I...

think it's so important and so fun to combine like the facts and the science with a little bit of the energy or the woo, if we want to call it, the spiritual components. And then kind of with that, I also love to layer in the somatics, which is even we talk about today with a lot of the nervous system kind of chat. There's so much wisdom in our being and in our body. And it's kind of a blend of both. really like somatics to me is almost like a blend of the science in the spirituality because it's

Kelly Berry (03:27)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (03:48)
very much energy, it's very much the felt experience in the body, but there's so much science in terms of how it actually really supports us when we do that, whether it's how we communicate with our nervous system versus just trying to think a certain way or tell ourselves a certain way. It's also how we connect to our unconscious if we're working to reprogram past beliefs. So I feel like my journey has kind of collected these things along the way and

I like to lump it in those three elements, the science, the spirituality, and the semantics.

Kelly Berry (04:16)
Yeah, yeah, I love that. So tell us a little bit about your journey. What is your background? How did you get from where you've been to where you are now?

Emily Steines (04:27)
Yeah, so I've always been very connected to movement. Movement for me has always been such a feel-good thing. And so I started, whether that was making up dances in my backyard as a kid or getting into doing, I feel like I remember doing Pilates videos in my DVR way back in the day with my sister in the living room. movement's always been a really big thing for me. And so when I went to college, I...

leaned in and I majored in health and physiology and health promotion track and they started personal training. got my yoga certification. So was really kind of diving into that world of not just myself loving movement and fitness, but being able to share it. I kind of, it was really interesting. also was, one of my majors in undergrad was dance and I did that because I loved to dance and I wasn't necessarily thinking I was going to become a professional dancer, but it just felt like a fun thing to continue.

And so it was like the combination of the pressure of the world of dance, which has ballet and body image and all the things that come along with it, paired with the world of personal training and like fat loss and bikini bods and these all these these fads that were happening, not even fads, but just like where the focus was, very physique focus and just external appearance focused.

It really kind of like sucked me out of my initial joy of movement. Like I genuinely liked to move. And then I was realizing and seeing and witnessing and even kind of innocently like playing into it as a personal trainer and meeting with people that have all these specific goals of, want to lose belly fat. I want to use blah, blah. Like focusing on that. And so it was, it was kind of like an awakening for me even in that of like, wait a second, why am I doing this? And is this what I want to be doing? But still,

committing to it and leaning in. And I was also in a, been from birth, I think a people pleaser. I've also been a very intuitive little nugget since a young age. And so really being able to perceive other people's energy and their needs and then be wanting to make sure everyone's good and feeling okay. So getting really good at kind of over giving and having zero boundaries. So eventually with all of these roles and in training and I was working four jobs, I got to this point where

Like my body literally shut down and I was hospitalized. So that was for me like this wake up call or kind of my own little breaking point if you will of checking into not just my own schedule and how I'm leading my life in terms of over committing, but also recognizing at what my responsibility is in terms of what roles I'm playing in terms of supporting people, knowing that I love to teach, I love to train, I love to do all these things.

It's like, where do I fall in a way that isn't also perpetuating the same narrative of like hustle mode and grind mode always and kick your butt in the gym and don't nourish yourself and restrict you feeding these things and kind of that same narrative that was being pumped out at that time. So for me, that was my wake up call of kind of not only coming home to myself, I was very disconnected from myself. was very dysregulated. Talk about nervous system state.

Kelly Berry (07:23)
Thank

Emily Steines (07:44)
It's very dysregulated. was very like in an almost dissociative space, kind of chronically of just going through the motions and not aware of my body's needs, cues, signals at all. And my body then was like, hello, we are shutting down to show you. Hello, we're trying to talk to you for years even. I was doing the most insane like work schedule for almost five years. It's amazing what our bodies are capable of. And eventually they'll let us know if something's up.

Kelly Berry (08:00)
Mm-hmm.

You want her?

Emily Steines (08:14)
So that was my moment. And from there, that's when I kind of started to dive more deeply into meditation and breath work and the energy work and the chakras and breath work, said breath work, unconscious reprogramming, essential oils, like more of that world, the somatic healing, and started to really take on the responsibility of like not wanting to play the same role of perpetuating we have to look a certain way, we have to show up a certain way, there's a cookie cutter.

approach to how we live and that it really gets to be this holistic approach based on connecting to ourself, understanding ourself more deeply kind of getting out of our own way and into our power and all these different modalities. And that's evolved over the years with my business, but that's kind of the not very brief summary of how I got to where I am.

Kelly Berry (09:03)
Yeah. So I have a few questions. When you got to the point of hospitalization and you were kind of, we'll just say recovery, because I'm sure there was a lot of work that had to be done. Were you aware in the moment of what led you to that point? Or how did you figure out that you were dissociated, that you were dysregulated?

Emily Steines (09:07)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Kelly Berry (09:31)
When did that awareness kind of come about for you?

Emily Steines (09:34)
Such a lovely question. And I don't think I was that aware right away. I don't feel like it hit me. I mean, there was a like smack in the face kind of energy from the hospitalization of just simply from the fact of noticing like this.

Kelly Berry (09:42)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (09:53)
deep sense of anxiety in me of when I literally couldn't go work and do all the things I was doing and feeling like I was letting the world down and feeling like I was letting my bosses down and my clients down and all these things because I technically, literally, physically could not do it. So having to reckon with that of being like, okay, wait a second, like I am unwell right now. It's okay that I take a break and take time off. So there were some energy and some awareness around me actually.

Kelly Berry (10:13)
Thank you.

Emily Steines (10:21)
kind of looking myself in the mirror a little bit and recognizing how much of my own energy I was putting outside of myself and totally neglecting myself. But when it came to being able to articulate that it was dissociation or this dysregulation of my nervous system or all of that, that was something that I continued to kind of like uncover as I did more of the work, right? Because I was literally, as I said, living so dissociated and so disconnected from my body. So it's kind of hard to even recognize

Kelly Berry (10:44)
Thank you.

Emily Steines (10:50)
be able to name that until we actually know what it's like to connect to our body and like actually be here in the moment in my being and feel the feels and understand what my needs are and all of that for me to be able to know like, and that was a whole different experience before. Interesting. So I think there were pieces of it that kind of came up right away and there was some awareness, but a lot of it kind of the ahas kind of unfolded as I continue to actually prioritize myself.

Kelly Berry (10:54)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (11:20)
in a way that I really wasn't before that.

Kelly Berry (11:22)
Yeah, Yeah, I can definitely see that. And I think it's important to highlight that because I think that for people who are pushing up against this wall that you were pushing up against or are feeling like something's just not right, to know that it's okay to not know exactly what's not right in the moment, that it's probably going to take some work and some figuring out and some slowing down.

And that that's all part of the process. Like any good thing, it just takes time. But I think for a lot of people who are go, go, go, go, go, like we want an answer. We want to know like what's going on, how can I fix it? How can I get back to this life when in fact the answer is the exact opposite of that? Yeah.

Emily Steines (11:48)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, I agree.

Kelly Berry (12:13)
Yeah, and the other thing, and this is kind of like tangential, tangent, you know, on the side, we'll go with that. So I'm also come from the fitness world, but fitness business, coaching fitness business owners on how to run successful fitness businesses. And, you know, the things that you are talking about with like the mindset and the messaging and everything around fitness,

Emily Steines (12:21)
You

Kelly Berry (12:41)
You know, we're not talking about 30 years ago or 20 years ago. We're talking about like 15, 12, 10, even less than years ago. Everything was about body transformation and losing fat and getting fit and pushing your limits. And I think that I am really happy to see it evolving into a more holistic movement where there are a lot of things outside of just movement.

Emily Steines (12:48)
Mm-hmm.

Kelly Berry (13:09)
that are important to sleep, mental health, all of these things to make sure that you are not just healthy, or I guess not just like reaching whatever aesthetic goals that you have, but you're also reaching whatever goals you have to feel good in your life, in your body. And I really like that. So I'm really interested in like the somatic healing and all the things that we're about to talk about the dysregulation, but

just to kind of support that point that you were talking about, it has not been that long ago that all of the messaging was, you know, basically get as lean as possible, as skinny as possible, don't look anything like yourself and get as unhealthy as you possibly can on your journey to look a certain way. And, you know, I think that I'll also preface this with

Emily Steines (13:41)
Mm.

Yeah.

Kelly Berry (14:00)
I think whatever aesthetic goals you have for yourself are fine. It's important to be true to yourself and what is gonna make you happy, but it's also important to really check in and see why those are the things that you want. Are those the things that you want? Are those the things that you think you should want? And there's a lot of layers to that, as I'm sure you know, but just another kind of reinforcing point to what you lived.

Emily Steines (14:20)
Exactly.

So true, yeah. I mean, I'm so grateful to see how far we've come in the last decade or so. And I don't think we're fully there yet, but it's leaps and bounds different with the messaging out there, even with people that have more influence or celebrities. There's still some toxic stuff. There's also some really beautiful references of body positivity or at least body neutrality and that kind of thing. And I'm with you. I don't think...

wanting to lose weight or build muscle or like change your physique is inherently unhealthy or wrong. I think it's when we kind of abandoned ourselves in the process of reaching that goal when it becomes really scary, toxic and can be very unhealthy. And so like being able like you're saying, like checking in and being more mindful of all parts of us, not just that exterior part of us when we're taking that that journey, I think is really important. It's also how we can sustain

Kelly Berry (15:12)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (15:25)
any changes and shifts that we do allow for ourselves too.

Kelly Berry (15:29)
Yeah, for sure. So the thing that I really want to get into and talk to you about is this dysregulation that you mentioned. So tell us what is dysregulation first so that people can understand it. I'm sure people have like their own interpretation, but tell us like what it is and then why are we all so dysregulated?

Emily Steines (15:53)
Yeah, it's such, it might be just the bubble I live in, but I feel like there's so much information out there right now about regulating your nervous system, regulation, dysregulation. So for anyone that's not familiar or seeing that, but not knowing what it is, I actually want to start with what regulation is before even going to the dysregulation. Without being too sciencey or nerdy, regulation is our ability to kind of maintain balance between a state of calm.

It's chaos. So like, we are not meant to be calm and regulated 24-7. We are human beings. Our nervous system is brilliant and it's there to protect us for different reasons. We also need some mobilization with our sympathetic to get moving, to get things done. And it's not unhealthy to be in what we would consider a dysregulated state. It's just a matter of how long are we living there? And many of us are chronically stuck there, which is when we'll talk about dysregulation, that's really what I'm speaking to.

But when we're in a regulated state, it's kind of like our baseline or ideally our baseline of feeling safe in our body, able to connect to our body, able to know what we're feeling, able to actually be present with ourself in the world. Like think about if you're in a high stress state or you're moving, going into an interview, whatever, and you're having a conversation with somebody and it's like, you can't even like really take in what they're saying because you're so worried about what you're gonna say because you're kind of in that like heightened auto...

kind of autopilot, like ready to just laser focused mode. So regulation is the opposite. It's like, so think about the people that feel so safe and delicious to be around, like your best friend or your family members where you can just like, just melt into the couch and have a lovely juicy conversation, right? That would be a regulation state. Also like the why it matters or what it looks like emotional.

Well-being so being able to actually know what we're feeling and actually have feelings move through our feelings Not just shove them down or dissociate or numb or pretend everything's fine when we're we're not so fine That is a huge piece of it. It's also so important regulation is so important for our physical health So it helps things like our immune system. It helps our digestion and gut health. It helps us sleep better It helps even your hormone regulation less inflammation in the body. There's a lot of recovery from our workouts

Kelly Berry (17:49)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (18:14)
There's a lot of benefits physically, mentally, we have more clarity, we're able to problem solve and think straight. We're able to actually like connect to our knowing, our own intuition around making big decisions versus feeling you know, stressed around, making decisions based on others' expectations or what we quote unquote should be doing. Even just, and then our relationships. Like if we are regulated, we're able to really, again, not only connect to ourself in a relationship with ourself, but feel like we can maintain healthy relationships because we...

have that state of safety in our body, which allows us to have a knowing around like, wait, this part, this doesn't feel good. Maybe I need to set a boundary here or like, ooh, these people maybe I don't want to spend as much time with. So we also have a better, deeper understanding of like what relationships feel good and how to navigate relationships when we are coming from a regulated state. So I just want to kind of like preface this dysregulated conversation with like what regulation gets to feel like and what it is.

But dysregulation is like, why are we also dysregulated? mean, chronic stress, right? We live in a world where it is still a bit of that hustle grind, go, go, go mode, achievements is like winning, no rest, no sleep. You ask people, how are you doing? You're like, I'm so busy, right? That's like our default setting still. And it's almost celebrated, right? It's like, it's almost celebrated in a way.

Kelly Berry (19:18)
Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (19:38)
Whereas if you were saying like, things are good. I had a nap today, I went to a yoga class. Not saying that's realistic for all of our schedules, but that would almost be deemed as like, wow, you didn't do that much today, right? Like we have different lenses for these things. So the chronic stress that we face in terms of just societal expectations, or if you're mom or a parent having responsibilities for other kiddos and the stress that comes with that.

Kelly Berry (19:53)
Thank you.

Emily Steines (20:07)
could be stress from other family members that are sick or your own illness or injuries, like just having chronic stress in general in our life and not being equipped to know how to support ourself with that stress. So chronic stress is a huge one. Information overload, again, kind of along with the chronic stress, we are constantly stimulated and bombarded with information, with every news source, with everyone's lives on social media, with just

let alone our day-to-day world, right? And the responsibilities of people texting us or what you need to have your, what, you know, it's spirit week at school and how do you address your kids that day? Like whatever the information is, it's just overload. We are constantly overwhelmed. And we are also in a world right now where it's very foreign to our ancestors in terms of really being, you know, I put in quotes, available, because really we don't need to be available, but we kind of

Kelly Berry (20:47)
Thank

Emily Steines (21:06)
act as if we are supposed to be available 24 seven. And so recognizing that and that is contributing to the stress and this overload. And then more deeply, like the dysregulation coming from our own trauma. And even if you didn't experience like big T trauma or abuse as a kiddo, we all have our own trauma. We were all on met in some way, miss a tune too, or you know.

experience things that didn't quite feel like a fit for us, but didn't have the support in processing it or understanding it on an emotional level. And so we're still carrying that stuff with us and it's still contributing to how we're showing up today. So a big piece of that is also contributing to our dysregulation and our state of being. And then lastly is just like this lack of knowledge. Like I wish that we were taught about our nervous system in school, like as a kid, I wish we had, we were equipped with understanding it's our literal

Kelly Berry (21:57)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (22:02)
It's our body, it's our vessel, it's our protective system, it is genius, and it's also most likely operating based on what is perceived threats versus actual threats, very innocently. But the lack of knowledge and the lack of understanding and the lack of the resources or even the tools to practice regulation, I think is also deeply contributing to why we're all so, so dysregulated.

Kelly Berry (22:28)
Yeah, you said so many amazing things in there. And I'll add a couple that some other guests have talked about because I think it just kind of brings a lot of things full circle. But one of them is, and I think this would with your information overload, I know this is for sure a source of dysregulation for me, the news.

Emily Steines (22:37)
Yeah.

Kelly Berry (22:53)
I had a guest say, are not made to live in a global news cycle. We are like creatures who were born to be in villages and we're only really equipped to handle the things in our immediate circle. And so when we turn on the news and we are exposed to tragedies and things that are happening all over the world.

whether it's war or environmental or whatever, but being exposed to so much suffering really, really, really detrimental to our nervous system and how we're feeling. So I think, I don't want people to overlook that. I think that there are a lot of ways, and maybe we'll talk about these, that can make adjustments so that we can protect ourselves a little bit

So I think that that one is really valid. And then other one that I was just thinking and smiling about, because this has been a topic of conversation with a couple of people recently, is feeling and emotions and understanding what your emotions are and being able to label them. when you're feeling something, sitting with it and being curious about it.

why am I feeling this way and go deeper because most likely it's not the first thing that you're feeling. The first thing that you're feeling is more of like the nervous system acting in a way that it should like protection, but that doesn't give you actionable feedback to then go in and take action on. So that's something I definitely want to get more into is how do you do that? How do you recognize emotions or name them or?

use them even to help you then go to the root and like get to work on the problem. so there's a lot of good stuff in there. That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah.

Emily Steines (24:46)
I love it. I love it. Yeah. And back to the news. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I'm someone like, I don't want to be ignorant or I want to still be informed around what's going on, but I have really big boundaries around watching the news. I have a set little window where I check a news source, whether it's an app or a website or there's a podcast that I listen to that kind of gives you a quick update of what's going on.

Kelly Berry (24:55)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (25:14)
that I will have, that's my little window. And if it brings up feels and sadness or, you know, fear or whatever, because again, I'm a big feeler as a human about what's happening in the world, I will let myself have that time to like be in it and feel it. And then that's my contained space. And I go back to life as opposed to always having the news on in the background or kind of constantly getting notifications from news sources on my phone. Like there's, have really big boundaries around that.

Kelly Berry (25:32)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (25:43)
And I think it's a really important one for sure, because it's a lot of energy to take in and receive. Absolutely. Yeah, I love that.

Kelly Berry (25:47)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. We're in the middle of, you know, it's an election year. We're less than a month from the election. It is unavoidable, really. And it's divisive and there's all kinds of things to be said about it. yeah, I think that just stopping and being aware of how is this making me feel? How is this affecting me? Is this contributing to my chronic stress? Which I would guess for a lot of people it is because it is so

Emily Steines (25:57)
Yep.

Yeah.

Kelly Berry (26:19)
divisive and just basically made to make us feel big feelings, be polarized. just awareness, I think, around all of that is really you can't really live in a bubble, but you can't also just be completely available to everything all the time. So some kind of balance.

Emily Steines (26:39)
Yeah, you can't be a sponge for all of it all the time. It's no good. Yeah, it's so important for sure.

Kelly Berry (26:41)
Yeah. Yeah. So talk about, I think you mentioned there are like three things that we're basically all doing all the time to stay in the state of dysregulation. What are those three things?

Emily Steines (26:56)
Yeah, yeah, I want to name two in case it's not clear or there's some lack of familiarity around the dysregulation We have like these there's really three states, but there's two main states that we'll talk about but they're sympathetic That's what we know is our fight-or-flight That's like the I have to energy kind of a sense of urgency or got to get things going or maybe some anxiety or maybe irritability and that type of energy and so like

Knowing if we're in that, there's probably some sort of restlessness, like again, urgency, anxious feelings, maybe panic or fear, could be the anger or the irritability, oftentimes tension. Like I always give the example of like you're driving and someone pulls out in front of you, like tighten up and like your heart starts racing until you realize like, okay, everything's fine. Or if we don't give ourselves that moment to say, to take a breath, we might stay in that tense place for however many blocks driving down or how many miles driving down the road.

There's also this element of hypervigilance. Just this state of worry or state of hyperfocus on our environment or what's going on or what people are doing or what I need to be doing. It can also contribute to insomnia or struggle sleeping because basically you think about your system is in overdrive, your system is overactive.

And so for you to actually fall asleep or stay asleep or have sound sleep, it's kind of like this like, like this like buzzing state that you're living in. So lack of sleep would be very common. So that's a big one. There's also a freeze state, which a lot of times they're clumped together, like fight, flight, freeze, right? But fight or flight is sympathetic. And then we have our dorsal vagal, which is kind of our shut down, kind of numb out dissociative.

No motivation, just, everything powers down mode. And our freeze stays actually between those two. So the freeze state is like the sense of urgency inside, anxiety inside, my God, I have so much to do, or I need to be doing that, or I want to be doing this. But like outside or in terms of what we're actually doing and how we're showing up, we're like stuck, stuck in time, frozen, not actually doing, there's no movement forward, no progress, or not as much as we know we are capable of. And then,

Kelly Berry (29:04)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (29:08)
past that is just that like shut down mode, both internally and externally. And that's like overwhelming fatigue and just exhaustion could be that numbness, fogginess, again, dissociative kind of just like out of body, not fully here experience. Even a depressed state is really commonly felt in terms of the state of dysregulation, feeling really isolated and alone and like.

Kelly Berry (29:30)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (29:33)
very separate, like you don't feel connected not only to yourself, but you don't feel connected to others or the world. So those are all some very hopefully tangible examples of like what dysregulation can feel like. when it comes to, I like there's so many I could rattle off in terms of like the things that we're doing every day that kind of perpetuates it. But if I were to simplify it, I think the first one is lack of boundaries. So the boundaries, and I know that's like,

Everyone talks about boundaries, but it really is so important. So when I go back to the state of we're all living in chronic stress and a state of overwhelm and all of this stimuli and all of this energy coming at us and responsibilities and needs and available 24 seven and having all the snooze coming at us. If we don't have our own boundaries, it is going to feel extremely challenging to ever get to a state of safety, regulation, presence, calm connection to ourselves.

So I think the lack of boundaries and just the lack of even being able to check in with what art boundaries are needed. We can have a whole nother long conversation on just boundaries, but the boundaries being like for your own self, like I gave you the example of like what I do for myself within my taking in news information. It could also be a boundary around not taking on.

Kelly Berry (30:50)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (30:56)
Any you know stopping work at this time, especially as an entrepreneur, right? Like we could work all day every day and have no boundaries in terms of our work life So having boundaries in terms of I start my work day at this time I end my work day at this time and having solid boundaries there So really connecting to yourself your own boundaries around like your movement or your own, you know self-care practices mindfulness practices What does that look like and how often are you doing it? Right? Boundaries obviously in terms of relationships

boundaries in your physical space in terms of maybe like you setting aside a separate space for you to have that's just yours, that's not in the mix of the family so you can actually feel like you can get away in land and ground if that's available to you. So boundaries can come in a lot of different ways. It's not always like, I think often people think it's like telling you like a boundary when like a relationship is having a rupture of some kind, which that's very common, but they...

Boundaries can come in all shapes, sizes, forms, and come in all different aspects or apply to all different aspects of our life. So connecting to where I might need a boundary. And the biggest signal for a boundary being needed is when we can start to get irritable, angry, frustrated. Usually that's our bodies, our emotional reaction to some line being crossed. And so if we're starting to feel that anger, frustration, annoyance, whatever,

we could slow down and actually check in and be like, okay, what about this person? What about today? What about in general and what's happening in my life that might be contributing to this emotional state? And it could be you're taking on too many responsibilities. So it's a you're saying yes to too many things. It could be this person is talking to you in a very kind of pokey judgmental way that that's a no for you. I won't be talking to you like that. Let's step away if you're willing to talk to me when you're.

Kelly Berry (32:27)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (32:50)
can talk to him with more grace and compassion, then I'll be here for that. So recognizing again, that irritability, anger, frustration, those are typically the best little signals for like, a boundary might be needed here. So boundaries is number one, in my opinion. The second one is living again, which I'm so guilty of, I did it for many years, but living so disconnected, right? Like we are kind of allowing ourselves in our everyday lives to just go through the motions on autopilot.

So this like numbing out or avoiding the self, I will say. So maybe avoiding actually checking into how we're feeling, avoiding maybe doing some sort of inner work, inner child healing, maybe if that's a fit for you, avoiding slowing down, avoiding giving yourself space to just sit in silence maybe, maybe try meditation or breath work, like avoiding the self and avoiding actually connecting to yourself. And I hear from a lot of people in this work that sometimes there's fear, like it's easier to just like,

push myself away and do what I gotta do because I don't know what I'm gonna find if I actually slow down. So there can be some fear in that and that makes sense, that's human. And at the same time, it's usually a lot less scary than you think it's gonna be. And that it actually gets to deeply support you long term and that you avoiding your feelings or avoiding certain situations or whatever, trauma, anything, avoiding anything, it doesn't mean it goes away.

Kelly Berry (33:54)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (34:17)
I think we can all understand that in situations, right? It just kind of like festers or it's going to like pop out in different ways at some point. It bubbles up. So I think that's a huge piece of kind of our own role in our everyday lives is one, just being aware of like, okay, yeah, I'm really numbing out. I wake up, I scroll my phone, I go to work, I come home, scroll my phone, go to bed, right? Like when was there a moment for you to...

Kelly Berry (34:18)
You

with me.

Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (34:46)
check in with you, right? And that kind of goes into my third one, which is the constant simulation, again, talking about that constant, like constantly getting feedback, we're constantly receiving information, we're constantly being reached out to by people, we're constantly seeing things on social media. And so the lack of stillness, the lack of mind, body, soul, presence, and that...

Kelly Berry (34:47)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (35:12)
doesn't have to always be silence, right? I'm somebody that used to like feel so uncomfortable with silence and now I crave it. It's like, want literally zero, like if I do meditations, like of course I'll still do guided meditations here and there, but often I'm just sitting in silence and it feels like the most nourishing thing for me, which has not been the case for me my whole life. But recognizing that this stillness piece,

Kelly Berry (35:36)
Thank you.

Emily Steines (35:41)
and actually like not having anything coming in. So I always give the example of like going for a walk but not playing your podcast right away or not putting playing a playlist right away or music. Like maybe you start and just give yourself the first five minutes where you just notice your surroundings and you just walk in silence. And then if you want to start your podcast, your playlist, cause that brings you joy, amazing. But maybe giving yourself these little pockets of nothing, no input coming at you.

Kelly Berry (36:05)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (36:09)
to give you the space to actually know what's happening in your body, recognize thoughts that are going through your mind, recognizing again, going back to the emotions, recognizing how you're feeling that day, recognizing maybe an idea surfaces that you wouldn't have surfaced if you were been distracted by all these other things. So those are very nuanced and detailed, but I would say like the lack of boundaries, the very disconnected kind of living in a numbed out state, and then the lack of actually curating

pockets of stillness in our life and kind of just constantly being in this perpetual taking in information from the outside mode are probably the three big ones that are contributing in our everyday lives.

Kelly Berry (36:52)
Yeah, I can see that for sure. Just listening to you talk about all of them. Do you find that people, especially with this slowing down or stopping, do you feel like people just avoid that, like the plague?

Emily Steines (37:10)
Yeah, totally. I think because it's foreign and anything that's not our norm or not familiar is uncomfy. And even think about like kiddos these days that have literally not experienced life without devices. The idea of unless we're weaving that in as their parents or caretakers or at school, it is extremely foreign. And anything again that's not

Kelly Berry (37:20)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (37:38)
our norm, it's outside of our comfort zone, it's going to feel uncomfortable. So that's also why there's a lot of that narrative around meditation of like, can't meditate or like meditation is not for me. My brain just goes crazy and my brain never shuts off. It's like, well, your brain, one, is not meant to shut off. It's meant to think it's a meaning maker. But what you get to do in meditation is just like sit with and notice those thoughts as they come and go. Like just like being like a, almost like an outsider's view of just witnessing it.

without attaching, without trying to judge it, just like letting it happen, right? But also if our brain isn't shutting off, it's because it's used to constantly being stimulated, right? So I think it does feel really hard and I think it does feel like a big roadblock for people. And going back to my experience, that was my experience too of like, it's not for me. Like I'm just like, I'm a mover and a shaker and I just like to go and do things all the time, like sitting in stillness, just not for me. And now the more that I've practiced it,

But again, the more that I crave it, not saying that's everyone's journey, but there's so much that we get to discover and feel about ourselves and learn and actually know is possible for us. Like when we're constantly living in a stimulated thinking state, we don't even know how good it could feel to like take some of, like let some of that slow down and actually like know what it feels like to be in our body versus like a shell of our body or just focusing so much on everything going on outside of us.

Kelly Berry (38:53)
Thank you.

Yeah.

Emily Steines (39:04)
And so yeah, I think there's a big block there because it's not the most familiar thing and because we don't practice it.

Kelly Berry (39:11)
Yeah, something that people will hear, meditation is good for you, and they'll try it, you know, like two times to your point, they'll say, it's not for me or I can't stick with it, but like anything, you know, it needs to be a habit. You've got to incorporate it and kind of give it a chance to work. I'm not a big meditator. have tried, here I am saying the same thing. I've tried.

Emily Steines (39:17)
Mm-hmm.

Kelly Berry (39:35)
But what I have done, I will say ever since I've had my daughters, I have slowed way down. The pace of our life, our life just looks totally different now for a lot of different reasons, like post pandemic and all of that. But the pace of our life, like the presence that I have with her, that's really where I get some of the things that you're talking about, like the time to just sit and notice and observe and both

like her and myself, how am I reacting, how am I feeling. So that's kind of where I'm practicing that now. But the other thing that you said that I'll just like totally agree with and one of the main reasons that I started the podcast is this like autopilot and dissociation. think, myself included, so many people I know just don't even know who they are anymore.

Emily Steines (40:04)
Mm-hmm.

Kelly Berry (40:27)
They haven't stopped in years, in years to think about what they like to do, what's important to them, what makes them happy, are they happy? Why are they doing the things that they're doing? And I think that that is just so sad and is probably one of the simplest behavior changes that you can make to kind of figure out who you are and start to...

Emily Steines (40:27)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Kelly Berry (40:55)
like shift your life back to one of more intention, one of more like purpose and really feel authentic. So I just, I love that that was part of your list of things because I think it is so absolutely true that we're just going from thing to thing to thing. We're putting, especially us as women, putting our children and our families and our work and everything ahead of us and

you know, what may be important and I think maybe just like taking an audit of what are you doing that you like to do? Are you doing anything that you like to do? What did you used to like to do that you don't have in your life at all anymore? And can you bring any of those things back in even the like simplest form to just reconnect with like what actually brings you joy?

Emily Steines (41:34)
Hmm?

Yeah.

Yes to all of that. think the two, there's so much there that to help people, because it is something we're so disconnected from, but like the two questions I like to offer are just literally, what do I need and what do I want? You can ask yourself that once a day. You could ask yourself that on the hour, every hour. And it could be as simple as like, I want some water. I'm thirsty. Great way to connect with yourself and actually know that you have gone maybe X number of hours without drinking or maybe recognizing that your cup's actually empty and having that moment of presence with yourself.

Kelly Berry (42:07)
Yeah.

Emily Steines (42:18)
Or it could be something deeper and bigger in terms of like the grandiose aspect of your life and the vision of where you want to go. It could be deeper than that, but those questions I find, especially for women and again, especially for moms, I work a lot with moms, that it feels like, I literally don't even know how to answer that. I don't know what I need and I don't know what I want. And then piggybacking off of that, like going back to the recognizing what feels accessible, I also like to invite in

Kelly Berry (42:37)
Thank

Emily Steines (42:47)
Like what's the desired feeling? Like if you know that things aren't feeling great right now, but you don't even, you don't necessarily wanna spend the time to dive into, you know, more of the inner work or shifting your whole life upside down, like what feeling maybe is lacking? Is it patience? Is it joy? Is it a sense of play? Is it just feeling content and being okay, even though life is a whirling craziness? Like what's that word? And then,

with that specific feeling or that state of being, can you come up with one, two, maybe make a list in your phone of things that would allow you to feel that? Even just like a glimmer of that, right, in that moment. And I think going back to what you were saying too about your presence with your daughter of being, when you're playing, when it's playtime, it's just you and her and you're witnessing her and you're there and you're not on your phone and you're having that moment of presence and play.

And that could be a lot of these examples. Again, it could be the presence. It could be a sense of patience, like being patient, knowing that you have other things to do, but you're going to sit with her and be present. It could be a sense of play that you're feeling. So coming up with your own very realistic things that maybe you're already doing or easy things that feel really accessible to add in. it comes to kind of, we talk about this nervous system regulation, we never want to feel like we have to go from zero to a hundred. Like we want to go from zero to one.

like zero to two. So finding the next, we call it the next tolerable action, the next tolerable step. Like don't think you have to jump and go take a, you know, a 180. Like let yourself take a baby step forward and have it feel really accessible and really bite sized. And.

Kelly Berry (44:12)
Hmm.

Emily Steines (44:29)
going back to what you mentioned with meditation of like you've tried it, it might not be a fit for you. There's so many different ways and forms of meditation that aren't sitting in silence like I love to do or sitting and listening to a guided meditation. It could be going for a walk and being super present and just witnessing the colors and what you're seeing and noticing just literally being outside in nature. It could be a moving meditation, right? Whether that's in your yoga practices or you're having a little dance party and just like being

mindful and present in your body as you're moving and grooving and having a little grand old time. It could be while you're cooking. There's different forms of meditation that really come down to presence, like being in the moment. being, I think, a huge element of meditation is just that free of judgment. So releasing any judgment and releasing any attachment of how things are supposed to go or if I did it right. If we can just be present with what is happening.

and releasing any judgment like you're meditating. So it can look a lot of different ways. So again, when it comes to these like baby steps or taking actions in ways that could support you, recognizing that what would work for you is not gonna be the same that works for me or Kelly or anyone else listening to this. Like you really get to make it your own and that's why having these slowing down moments or checking with your needs or knowing how you're feeling is so important. Because otherwise we're most likely just gonna do what

Kelly Berry (45:27)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (45:53)
Jane down the street's doing, right? Because we're like, it's working for her, I should just try that. And there can be some trial and error to figure it out, but I think we are such unique individual humans that we really get to honor that. And I will never be someone that says, everyone should be doing this exact thing. And it works for everybody. There's no cookie cutter plan for anybody. And the last thing I want to say really quickly about meditation is if you've tried it and it doesn't feel like a fit for you,

Kelly Berry (45:58)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (46:22)
and you haven't tried breath work, I would invite you to try breath work. Breath work can be a really beautiful opportunity for a meditative state, to be kind of in a state of presence, but it's giving you something to consciously think about and actively do, like you're breathing in a certain way at a certain pace and timing. So you can't really fully get floaty and distracted and kind of have your mind go all over, because you're really doing something intentional, but it's deeply serving your nervous system and creating presence and safety in your body, assuming you're doing.

Kelly Berry (46:36)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (46:51)
more regulating or kind of calming practices. So that could be something to try. you're feeling cold to lean back in, but there's still some resistance around just straight up meditation, breath work could be a good fit.

Kelly Berry (47:05)
Yeah. Well, I know we're like getting close to time and I feel like I have a thousand more questions that I want to ask you. But I'll keep it to like two, I think. We'll see how this goes. It may just end up being one. But what about how your subconscious plays into your regulation or dysregulation or I think it even said re-regulation? Like how does it play into that and how do you like...

recognize when it's impacting you.

Emily Steines (47:32)
Yeah, it's like something I'm so passionate about talking about because I don't feel like our unconscious or subconscious mind and regulation are often talked about together. At least I haven't seen it, but it feels so important to know the correlation between the two. When we think about our conscious versus unconscious or conscious versus subconscious mind, I always like to give the example of like the iceberg. Like if you see an iceberg, the very tip that's coming out of the water, think of that as your conscious mind. That's like our conscious thoughts and choices or saying affirmations or saying like, I'm going to go to the store today.

It's that piece of us. What's under the water, that huge mass that's under the surface, this iceberg, is our unconscious mind, which is so much of our being. It's our trauma, it's our patterns, it's our belief system, it's our memories, it's our dream state, it's our intuition. There's so many pieces that make up our unconscious. And so knowing that that's the bulk of our mind, that's really what's kind of quote unquote running the show for us.

So we may be somebody like, wanna move my body three times a week, or I am worthy, right? Like these affirmations that we say, but it might not actually be connecting to our unconscious, because there might be something in our programming, in our unconscious mind, that is being like, no, that's not true. You aren't worthy because of X, and Z, or because like you may say you wanna work out, but there might be a fear around.

Kelly Berry (48:28)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (48:54)
actually getting in shape and feeling strong and confident. Like that's too much, you're going to be too much, you can't show up in this big, beautiful, radiant way. There might be things happening in your unconscious that are overriding whatever you may be wanting or telling yourself consciously. So I think that first is just important to know. And then when it comes to that connection with regulation, a nervous system and our unconscious, they're both formed in our earliest years of life. So I like to like think of our little selves.

Understandings, I like to say from anywhere from birth to five years old, specifically, especially with the work I do with source code, which is a whole beautiful practice and modality that I use in one-on-one coaching, very much connected to our unconscious. But there's also studies that show it's up to seven years, unconscious mind up to 14 years of life. But just think like adolescents, childhood and adolescents. And for our nervous system, we're like sponges. We don't have the consciousness to be able to be like, well,

that may be happening to me, but it's not happening to her. I can see maybe there's a different situation here. We're just sponges. So we're just absorbing the energy from our environments, from what we're being told, from what we're being taught, from what's being modeled, whether that's from our parents, whether that's how we're interacting, whether it's what we do in order to feel connected to our family system or how we get attention or how we might feel loved or what things are getting us in trouble. So we're just taking in all this information and understanding like what's safe.

what's not safe for me to do, how do I feel connected and loved? There's other things we can tap into there, but the bulk of our being is formed in those early years of life, both for our unconscious mind and our nervous system. And then moving forward, they're both functioning in the exact same way. we're all, whatever age you are, body, but with a little young child, internal world.

Right? Internal landscape. Unless we do this work and we start to shift things and reclaim and reorient ourselves and reprogram our mind. But we're really functioning in that same way. So the way that we view ourselves, the way we view others, the same stories that maybe we were told about ourselves or about finances or men, or, you know, it could be a million things that we understand as a kid based on what we've experienced that is playing out as an adult. So when we know that...

Kelly Berry (50:49)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (51:16)
we can do a few things about it. So one, the regulation and the showing of your body that you're safe is huge. And I think doing so when you're already maybe feeling somewhat regulated, like when you're not, not when you're in a heightened state being the first time you try a regulating process, not that it could, it's not going to hurt you, but you might not feel as successful at it.

Kelly Berry (51:38)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (51:38)
as then when you're having like a fairly chill, maybe Saturday, and you decide I'm gonna try a breath practice today, right? Like starting to strengthen that muscle when things are going okay, when you're feeling nothing's too heightened in you, so that when stressors arise, you can turn back to those tools or your body can, you can show yourself that you're safe versus feeling like it's out of sorts. I could go through, I like I wanna give so many examples to make it land.

But I think common ones are our ability to use our voice and not feeling like we can speak up, whether that's in a work meeting, whether that's with a family member, whether it's a partner, because we don't want to either make them mad or we don't want to seem too confident or there could be different stories around using our voice. And so if that's what we learned as a kid, just be a good girl, don't talk, don't make a peeve, just sit in the corner, play by yourself while the adults are doing their adult things.

As an adult, we might still find ourselves kind of tampering our voice or diminishing our voice or not speaking our truth or not sharing our opinions or not telling people what we need and want and just allowing everyone to walk over us or people please, et cetera. So it can really play out in different ways. So we can also start to see those patterns. Just another way we can dive into the work of healing both these parts is...

Understanding your own patterns like yeah, I continue to find myself in either relationships with emotionally unavailable people whether that's romantic or friendships or work I continue to You know have all these desires and all these dreams But like I never take action like it's like there's just like a big block around Me getting to what have what I want or move closer to the things that actually excite me Interesting good to know so most likely

It's connected to something in your unconscious mind and also connected to your nervous system in terms of what that younger version of you felt safe or allowed to have be or do. So looking at the patterns, practicing regulating resources when you're actually feeling somewhat regulated are also great. And then more of the somatic work, which is so important. You were kind of alluding to that earlier when you shared some insights from other guests that you've had of.

Kelly Berry (53:28)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (53:50)
the feelings, recognizing what feeling you're having and actually letting yourself sit with it. There's so many different ways to incorporate semantics, but that's, I think, a really simple one you can do on your own is noticing, like, my God, my heart's racing. I'm feeling really anxious right now. And not feeling like you need to get out of it right away. mean, depending on where you're at and it's safe for you to be in a state where you can drop in, but not being like, you're fine, you're fine, everything's fine, and trying to talk yourself out of it. Again, that's coming from our conscious mind. You're trying to tell yourself,

Kelly Berry (54:14)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (54:19)
you're safe, your whole big iceberg under the water, your whole being is basically screaming like, not safe, not safe, this is scary, we're not okay, right? So instead of just saying you're okay, that's like telling someone to relax when they're stressed out or like, it just doesn't work. We get to just be with it, right? I also like to think of our emotional body, any emotions that are coming up as being like our little selves, inner child, if you will, if you have any experience with inner child work.

So just noticing like, okay, wow, my heart is racing so much. I feel like there's an elephant sitting on my chest. My heart is like, literally I can feel it pounding onto my chest and just like sitting with that and just being with it, not trying to change it, not trying to do anything, just like noticing it and being with it. And the magic that often happens if we just let ourselves sit and be in it is that it passes, right? Like it doesn't mean everything's rainbows and butterflies moving forward depending on what stressor.

Kelly Berry (55:09)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (55:15)
is happening in your world, but we can actually honor the emotion that's coming up. And like you were saying too, there might be something below the surface that's giving us information. Maybe there's sadness underneath there. Maybe there's anger underneath there. Maybe there's another emotion as we like sit with it that surfaces that we can know about that gives us insight into what's going on in our world and maybe what we need. But it also is creating an opportunity for you to

move that emotion. Our emotions are emotion, energy, and motion. They are meant to be processed and moved. They are not meant to be, you're fine, just shove it down. That's not the most supportive thing we can do for ourselves. So I think that would be the other element of the feeling your feels. And then there's, again, so many different ways to practice somatic experiencing and kind of embodiment rituals. But I'm hopeful that gives like some tangible way of being able to connect to

Kelly Berry (56:09)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (56:12)
unconscious. And then the other thing is this is what I do in my one-on-ones, right, in my coaching. So if anyone's like, I'll try these, but I would love some more insight or I want someone else that maybe can see things that I can't see because it can be hard and we're living in that story, we're living in that world. We have blinders on in a lot of ways. It can be really hard to see our own stuff. So that could be another opportunity of getting some support and knowing more about your unconscious and being able to kind of

Kelly Berry (56:31)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (56:41)
shift and dissolve the old patterns and be able to reclaim what else is possible for you too. Woo, that was long answer.

Kelly Berry (56:47)
Yeah, yeah, that was amazing. I'll also say on the feelings and like allowing yourself to feel, I think that for a lot of us that have a lot of emotions or have for a long time, like been like, it's okay, you're fine and shove them down and not let them out. Being able to sit with them gives you or at least in my experience and some people that I've talked to,

It makes you feel like you have more control and more power over how you're feeling as opposed to like all of these things just happening to you all the time. It gives you the ability to like make a change or let it go and feel better and realize that, okay, that is how I was feeling. And maybe you get to some of those like layers underneath and okay, this is why I was feeling that.

Emily Steines (57:27)
Mm-hmm.

Kelly Berry (57:43)
And this is what I can do about it, whether it's a person, whether it's a situation, whether it's some sort of subconscious thing that you're dealing with, but it really does empower you to know that you have agency. That's another big thing for me. You have agency to make this thing that's making you feel this way different. And just allowing yourself to do that gives you a lot of that power back over it.

And I think that that's so important, especially for a lot of people who, when those feelings are anxiety and anxiousness and things that just feel really hard to control. Yeah, so I love that.

Emily Steines (58:23)
Mm-hmm. I think that's so important. I think like thinking about the emotional piece and if we're just blocking it or telling ourself we're fine again, it doesn't go away. So I like visualize it literally as this like it's blocking my inner knowing. It's blocking my connection to myself. The fact that I'm carrying this thing around that I haven't let myself process or feel. So in the feeling of it.

Kelly Berry (58:35)
Mm-hmm.

Emily Steines (58:48)
I love that you named it actually helps us feel more confident, empowered, clear on our knowing, knowing what we need, knowing what action to take. It's a way to also regulate, right? Like if we can move that emotion, it's like getting that block out of the way where we can actually connect to our intuition or our knowing or our needs and have clarity on what, again, what the next step is as opposed to like feeling like we're moving on with our life, but there's still this underlying current of whatever that sensation was.

Kelly Berry (58:57)
Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Emily Steines (59:17)
that's really, it's kind of creating this like funky lens to how we're moving through the world as opposed to getting that out of the way so we can feel more like us. I always say like bring more of yourself back online, like more of your true essence, knowing intuition back online. And yeah, feeling your emotions can absolutely help us do that. So perfect point. I love that you added that.

Kelly Berry (59:23)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, that there's a lot more to, feel like we could talk for another hour, but you know, like I think when people are feeling stuck or they can't get out of a pattern, you know, a lot of it has to do with just always compressing or like not letting things go or not, you know, acknowledging there's, yeah. Yeah.

I have a lot of thoughts on this, I think that's... Yeah. But that's a great place to leave off because I do want you to take a minute to tell people how they can find you, how people can work with you, what you have to offer because I think these are all just fabulous things that really just everyone needs.

Emily Steines (1:00:05)
I do too, baby. Just like we could sit here for another hour for sure.

Yeah. So you could find me as far as like social, I'm on like TikTok and Instagram and my website and LinkedIn and all the things, but I mostly live on Instagram and it's just BoopBot, B-O-O-P-B-O-D. And I would love even after listening to this, if there are any questions that come up or any aha moments, like DM me, like I love connecting with people in all forms. So like, don't hesitate to reach out if you have questions or you just want to share something.

But that's like the easiest place to find me. And then as far as kind of next steps for anybody that's feeling called to lean in, I do have a few. in the code podcast, if you use that code on these, you'll get 15 % off. So feel free to do that for listening to this as a little treat from me to you. But I have, if you're wanting to geek out on strictly the nervous system, I have something called the Nervous System Toolkit, which is, it's a self-guided program, but it is again that.

blend of the science, the somatics and the spirituality pieces of like really recognizing the ins and outs of your nervous system, how it functions, why it does what it does, how brilliant it is, but also how it's probably functioning based on perceived threats versus real ones. It gives you some journaling prompts and workbook pages as well as actual guided videos and audios to move through to help practice regulation. So it's really this like all encompassing nervous system focus option.

And then I also have my membership subscription, which is called the hype hub. And the hype stands for hone your power every day, like going back to having agency and recognizing the, much power we do have to show up for ourselves and show ourselves what, what life gets to be like and feel like, and not live so dissociated or so kind of disconnected from ourselves. and so inside that there's breath work, there's meditation, there's yoga flows, mobility, there's workouts, there's other things there. I have.

You can jump into the full thing. also have a free trial if you want to test a couple of things out before. And then the last one I'll just name is my one-on-ones. And you could do like a one-off session. I also have what I call my expansion three-month container. So it's a three-month session where we really get to dive into this unconscious work, the reprogramming work, the somatic work. It's like a lot of everything we were speaking to kind of with that one-on-one.

love and support and really individualized experience. So, and if you have questions about any of that again, please reach out to me. I'm so here to support you.

Kelly Berry (1:02:57)
Amazing. It's been an awesome conversation. I appreciate you so much. I can't wait to share this. So thank you so much, Emily. It was great talking to you today.

Emily Steines (1:03:07)
Thank you, Kelly. This was so good. So fun.

Kelly Berry (1:03:09)
thank you so much and have a great day everyone.