The Real West Michigan
Do you want a better life? Want to hear secrets and stories about your West Michigan Friends and neighbors? This podcast is dedicated to sharing the adventures, challenges and heartfelt stories of REAL PEOPLE in West Michigan. We explore business, entrepreneurship, real estate, overcoming obstacles and challenges of those building our cities and neighborhoods. LISTEN to your friends and neighbors LEARN their SUCCESS SECRETS, hear VALUABLE INSIGHTS to GROW YOUR SKILLSET, YOUR NETWORK and to be a part of our growing our community from Grand Rapids and beyond!
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The Real West Michigan
S1 | E16 Crystal Barnett on Battling Addiction and Transforming Lives with A Mother’s Touch
What if the key to a better life for single mothers battling addiction lies in one woman's journey through her own personal hell and back? Meet Crystal Barnett, founder of A Mother's Touch, who shares her powerful story from a challenging childhood in Grand Rapids to creating a transformative sober living program for single mothers. Through her struggles with addiction, we learn about the profound impact of her early experiences, including supportive teachers who offered her a glimpse of hope amidst chaos.
Crystal's tale is not for the faint-hearted. She recounts her descent into severe addiction, including her battles with crack cocaine and the strain it put on her family, especially her relationship with her daughter. Hear firsthand how her life spiraled out of control, leading to multiple stints in rehab and losing custody of her child. But within these dark times, Crystal found moments of clarity and determination, notably through the compassion of a CPS worker and the birth of her last child, which ignited her commitment to sobriety. We explore the complexities of her family dynamics, childhood rejection, and the emotional pain that fueled her addiction, all while witnessing her steps toward recovery.
Finally, we see the remarkable transformation of Crystal turning her personal recovery into professional empowerment. Her creation of A Mother’s Touch stands as a testament to the importance of stable housing and comprehensive support systems for mothers in early recovery. Crystal shares inspiring success stories of mothers reuniting with their children and transitioning to permanent housing, emphasizing the power of community support. This episode highlights not just her journey, but also the critical need for programs like A Mother's Touch that provide genuine support and hope for a better future. Join us as we delve into Crystal's mission to empower other mothers on their path to sobriety and a fulfilling life.
Takeaways for the Audience
- The Impact of Early Intervention:
Crystal’s story highlights the importance of early support from teachers and community members, which can significantly influence a child’s life trajectory. - The Role of Personal Struggles in Shaping Purpose:
Personal hardships and struggles with addiction can lead to a greater understanding of others in similar situations, paving the way for impactful advocacy and support. - The Power of Community Support:
The support Crystal received from various individuals and organizations was crucial in her recovery and underscores the importance of building a strong support network. - Resilience and Persistence in Recovery:
Crystal’s journey shows that recovery is an ongoing process
Video Podcast available here: https://www.youtube.com/@TheRealWestMichigan
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about a year of sobriety and I relapsed and so now they're back in my life, right, and the devastating part for me was when the judge told me I could not see my children until I was able to show, improve myself.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, welcome back. Today we have Crystal Barnett with A Mother's Touch, and which is sober living for single moms, and we're gonna talk a little bit about her backstory, a little bit about what mother's touch is, and so let's get started, crystal, where you from originally yes, I am from the inner city of Grand Rapids. Yeah, what part of town like downtown yeah nope, all along the southeast side.
Speaker 1:I grew up along there, family of five, the youngest of five, grew, would be able to go over there and visit him but he wasn't in the home and I've seen some of the struggles that my mom had as a result of that, you know, and noticed that she had some, maybe some undiagnosed depression, you know, and some struggles. My mom drank when I was growing up. Um, I went to jefferson elementary and, um, sometimes she would come to school, come to the school and I know she would have been drinking yeah, you know, and I was hoping that, you know, she wouldn't do something.
Speaker 1:That would be embarrassing, you know, um, but even during that time I had some pretty cool teachers that kind of took me under their wing, and what I mean by that. They would make sure that sometimes I had breakfast. They made sure that I excelled in school. You know, I was very good with spelling. Spelling was one of my favorites, you know, and so I would enter spelling bees and things of that nature, and but I was quiet, okay, I was quiet, and some they would make sure that I would get home, you know, and what was most memorable for me was having one of my teachers come to my house and have breakfast with me and my mom.
Speaker 1:Oh, I would never forget that and that just you know. Let me know how much he cared about me as a, as a little individual, as a little human being, right, and so throughout my um me going to school, middle school and high school I went to Westwood Middle but I always had a teacher that kind of took me under their wing. So I always had that guide, if you will, that person that believed or saw something in me and wanted to help nurture that growing up, and so when I was in high school high school, um, union high is where I, where I graduated from but, however, during that time, that's when I began to drink, you know, I would drink with my friends. Um, I was still my mom's uh, vodka.
Speaker 1:Okay, and my friend would bring the the uh the uh orange juice and you know we would mix it at the bus stop right thinking we were being cool, right, and a lot of days I went to school and I was actually drunk and so yeah, and so, um, then we would, uh, skip go downtown. At the time it was the city center you know, and just be partying just crazy teenagers, right.
Speaker 1:But what I didn't know was that that was the beginning of a spiral for me. Fortunately, I did graduate. I did take some courses later at Davenport at that time, got pregnant early at 19. Okay, you know, yeah, got pregnant, left home and ended up moving behind my mom in an apartment after all the fights we had before With your mom, with my mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know, there was a lot of partying that was going on in my mom with my mom. Yeah, yeah, you know, um, there was a lot of party and that was going on in my household with my mom. Okay, you know, with her drinking um, with the people she would have over, um, and all I knew I wanted an out. So I had an older sister who had moved out and so sometimes I would go over there or sometimes I would say I was going there and was really going to some of my friends house, right, yeah, you know, again, not really understanding what I was setting my life up for. You know, as a result of that and so being a little bit rebellious, but not too much, you know, I didn't get into any legal trouble at that time. Um, I was still trying to go, you know, go to school, work um. Because my dad would always instill you know working Um. He would always say make sure you take administrative classes, cause back then it was about typing.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, oh, I told my daughter the other day. She's been practicing yeah, it was a door, you know into a place because you make more money yeah, several dollars more sometimes.
Speaker 1:If you could type fast yeah, yeah, and so that rang in my mind, you know, throughout my uh, rebelliousness. Still, you know, however, um. So I ended up getting pregnant at the age of 19. Um moved behind my mom, um didn't know at the time that the partner I had, you know, was doing um harder drugs, okay, um, at that time, my, my, um substance use had increased from the drinking to smoking marijuana. And you know, trying to be this mom, right, this, this new little baby.
Speaker 1:And then I discovered they were lacing joints at the time with cocaine, okay, and that just totally yeah changed everything for me and so, as a result of me using that and I had a sister that kind of introduced that to me, you know, and I would be using I didn't think I had a problem, you know, was still thinking I could maintain, but then my addiction progressed into crack cocaine. You know, was still thinking I could maintain, Um, but then my, uh, my addiction progressed into crack cocaine. You know, um, I did what was necessary to continue getting high. Um, my baby girl at the time ended up, uh, my one of my older sisters again, I'm the youngest of five, okay, one of my older sisters, older sisters, um, kind of took on the caretaking role for my daughter. I'm having this dysfunctional relationship with her dad and, uh, unfortunately, you know, we didn't last right, um, which was still devastating to me.
Speaker 1:But once that, as that was transpiring, I just began to use more crack cocaine. You know, along the inner city of Grand Rapids, my mom and my dad was hurt, you know, but I kept saying I got it. You know, I'm good, I'm okay, I'm not hurting anybody, I'm okay, you know. And I couldn't see it. You know, I'm good, I'm okay, I'm not hurting anybody, I'm okay, you know, and I couldn't see. Yeah, you know the pain that I was causing and or the pain that I was in.
Speaker 2:yeah, right, hurting yourself, you're hurting them.
Speaker 1:You're hurting yeah yeah, yeah, you know, um, then, uh, I ended up having, so I am a mom of four. Okay, so I have three daughters and one son, right, and my second daughter, right, at an early. She was only, she was a few months old, right, because I'm still actively in my addiction, trying to have these relationships, not knowing how to do that properly. You know, now, my love, my, my love, really was the the dope, you know, and um, eventually, um, my, my second daughter, her dad, um, came from a family that pretty much said to him you know, if you don't leave her alone, we're going to leave you alone.
Speaker 2:You know, and yeah, that makes it even tougher. Yeah, it's tough.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm yeah.
Speaker 2:I mean, I kind of get it on the one hand, but that's like that's got to be rough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I tried all the lies you know to try to keep him, you know, know, uh again still trying to cover up for what I could not see right and, um, eventually that relationship had ended as well. And so I had a really long, um relationship with crack cocaine, you know, uh, in and out of jail. Thank God I didn't make it to prison. I probably could have easily ended up there, yeah, but I didn't. You know I had. I've gone in intermittently.
Speaker 1:I would go to like outpatient treatment here at the time when they had the care unit, you know, was I really trying to get help? I really don't know. You know I was just. Everybody around me was saying there was something wrong. And to appease people, mainly the father of my daughter, you know, I would go to like outpatient treatment, treatment, and it wasn't lasting. You know, I always went back to smoking marijuana because this is good, you know, it's not that, you know, and I'll be OK, not really understanding that that smoking weed would always take me back to smoking a crack. And so, unfortunately, I met my father, my daughter's father, at his attorney's office and he was able to to get full custody of our daughter you know the guilt and shame that I had.
Speaker 1:I didn't know how to fight for that and you know I was just this horrible person. I thought so. You know, I was just this horrible person. I thought so. You know, um. And so now she ended up being um under his care. I was in and out was I wasn't stable at all in terms of seeing her um, which is something I later regretted, right, um. Then I went on to have later two more children, a son and daughter. I was sent. I went away through one of my stints of trying to get clean. It was I was working with a program and they were like hey, maybe you should get out of your area. You know, maybe you should get out of your area, you know, Um, and they had sent me away to the UP.
Speaker 2:Marquette, to my right. It's very different than Grand Rapids.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Right, um. So I ended up. I went to Marquette, michigan, to uh, a treatment center. There with my first long-term treatment, okay, you know, and I stayed there, had one of the recruiters from Northern come and talk to us while we were in treatment and they helped me to go to school. So I went to school right out of treatment. They helped me get an apartment on campus.
Speaker 1:However, I took me, I took my addiction and all of that with me still, so got clean, didn't really tell anybody in my new community that I was a person in recovery or what have you. Yeah, I wanted to blend in with these college kids. You know, um, I was a little bit older than the most of the ones I hung around. And so here I am with this huge mask on right. I'm just getting out of treatment. I'm happy to be back in school, because that was always something I wanted to do, yeah, but the interruption of the addiction stopped it.
Speaker 1:So I was going to northern um and the friends I was getting they would go to the pub and one time I said I want to go to, and so I would go to the pub a few times. Of course, I made it, didn't drink, then use whatever, and so I thought I could continue to do that. Only there, a time came and I began to drink and I, again, I never told anybody that hey, you know, I'm new to recovery. I was new to recovery and didn't tell anybody or hadn't reached out to that community, to recovery community. So, unfortunately, my, my disease spiraled all over again, you know uh, what was your friend?
Speaker 2:what were your relationships like through these time periods? So, like friends that you hung out with and family, it sounded like you had some people that were trying to reach out a little bit, but, um, you know how did that work?
Speaker 2:yeah I mean, did you like what? Are you looking back? Do you think you just weren't at a point where you could listen? You didn't really have good, strong relationships and people around you Like what? Or you just kind of turned them away because of the, because the drugs, I think, the relationships you know. They usually say that you are the five people you hang out with the most and you're kind of the average of that, usually say the you are the five people you hang out with the most and you're kind of the average of that.
Speaker 2:Um was it pretty much? Did that get started through um kind of hanging out with other people in the same situation, or I don't know?
Speaker 1:well, a little some of that, but in what I had learned, was that the core of all of that for me, that I didn't know that it was rooted out of, was abandonment, was rejection, right, because, again, I was the youngest, I was the youngest of five, right, and the abandonments first started when my father left, right, and so I was always wanting, you know, my father, right In some sense. Therefore, thus the unhealthy relationships I was trying to have, but I was, you know, trying to have what I saw other families have in terms of that two-parent household, you know, and all of that. But, you know, a little girl wanting her dad, um, but not fully having him, you know, um is what attracted me, what I now know to these other types of guys, right, failed relationships. Then, some of the friends that I had, yeah, they were using. I wanted to fit in with them, I did what they did, you know, again, seeking validation from them, and that's what was, that's what was spiraled.
Speaker 2:that for me, you know, now again, I know I don't have a lot of um experience in that, but what? What is there something you think that you might have been able to do different? Now, like looking back, like, what lessons did you learn from that? Like I know you've, you've taken, you're taking that into. Yeah, what you're doing now yeah um, I'm just looking for, hey, how can somebody help somebody in that situation?
Speaker 2:because maybe, maybe there's a way yeah to get through or to put love on you and bring you in. You know, it's like I'm just trying to like how does somebody help help a friend?
Speaker 1:Yeah, situation you know, first and foremost by you know, and and I'm I know that they did this for me I, I wasn't ready, yeah, Right. So really talking, trying to talk to that person, seeing what's really going on, what is hurting, where are you hurting? So much to the point that one either you want to escape from reality because that's what drugs do, have you to go into this fantasy land, right, that that would have you to want to escape from reality or that you feel that the drugs or the alcohol will solve the pain, right? I always thought that the, the weed, the cocaine and the alcohol was fixing the pain, and it was for, but for a short period of time. I was really looking for long-term relief.
Speaker 1:I really was that little girl, really was looking for the uh, the, the um, acceptance of my mom, the acceptance and love for my dad. And it's not that I didn't hear it, but what I saw, right, I would hear that they love me, but what I saw was him not being there, her crying because of the hurt that she went through as a result of my dad, right? So if, if, people who say that they love each other are harming each other in this way that did. It wasn't adding up, yeah right, it wasn't adding up for me. And then, having being the youngest and my older siblings, some of them would either run away and I wanted to go, but because I was the youngest and my older siblings, some of them would either run away and I wanted to go, but because I was the youngest, I couldn't. So again that abandonment and that rejection is being relived in me and it leaves you with well, what's wrong with me? Why can't I go?
Speaker 2:Sure, you know I'm going to go here where I'm comfortable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I'm going to go over here with this group of people, you know, because it looked like fun and for a while it was fun, until it wasn't anymore, you know, and so throughout my experiences, you know, um, cps did end up coming into my life. Child protective services you know, um for the, the horrible word that no mom want to hear abuse and neglect right yeah I'm a great mom what do you mean?
Speaker 1:right, and? But I couldn't see how I was harming these little people right now. By this time, I had already had two children, my two older daughters. They both are with their living with their dads what's the age difference here?
Speaker 1:two years, okay yeah, but in my mind, well, they're with their dad, so they're okay. That, to me, gave me permission to continue doing what I was doing, which was being in the streets doing drugs. Sure, right, didn't once have the ability to think about how my absence from them, how they needed me, right yeah and so the more I thought about it, the more the drugs became a better option, because I didn't want to think about right, right, yeah, easy way to hide in that yeah whatever that warm glow, that just isn't reality yeah, you know.
Speaker 1:And so again, dealing with cps, even when it came to child protective services, you know, and, and I really believe that god was sending these people to me in my lowest point and and I didn't know it at the time, you know, but I, even my cps worker know it at the time, you know, but I, even my CPS worker, um, had saw something in me and wanted to help me. She could have been just doing her job. But one thing I do know is that during the time that I got, became um involved with CPS, it was during the time that when mothers who had crack addictions, they had a high rate of not being reunified with their children. At that time, okay, right, um, and for whatever reason you know, in me working with uh, the worker that I had, and she was just really pouring life into me and I was doing the hard work pouring life into me and I was doing the hard work.
Speaker 2:You know um what's what's the hard work?
Speaker 1:Yeah, like. What's that look like? Yeah, so that hard work one is. You mean to tell me I can't even smoke weed?
Speaker 2:right now. Yeah, you know, I know, but it's hard.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, okay, no crack, okay, I get not that, because that's what really takes me over. But you know that was hard to come to the point where, no, that I had to learn how to deal with whatever I was feeling. I had to deal with that. I had to deal with the hurt, pain, shame and guilt.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm you know, of those other children that were not removed, that were removed. You know I had to deal with all that I endured out in the street just to get one more. You know, I had to deal with the feelings of the abandonment and rejection that I felt from that little girl, right yeah. And then I had to attend meetings, and then I had to attend parenting, even when, you know, on days when I'm like I would rather sleep, sure, you know.
Speaker 1:And then I had to attend parenting, even when, you know, and on days when I'm like I would rather sleep, sure you know? Um, and then I had to become employed right, a person moving, coming from irresponsibility and no structure to now. I have to have structure. I have to become employed right Because I have to be able to take care of my family. You know, that was hard because I was used to doing things on my own, moving as if there were no rules. Now I have a lot of rules, right.
Speaker 2:So, moving from that again, how old were you at this time? Roughly, yeah, I was in my 30s and you oh, so there's a time period. So, yeah, you were in marquette. How old were?
Speaker 1:yeah, I was in my um. I was about 20, in my 20s. Okay, you know my, my addiction um. Of course I know it started long before my first drug, right, but my first actual picking up of drugs was at 14.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:You know, and then it had.
Speaker 2:We're talking almost two decades, a decade and a half of drug use, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Yeah, when it progressed into the smoking of the crack, cocaine and things like that, I was, yeah, around 24, 25, and that's when I started, you know, going to jail. You know, um, in and out of jail and things like that. And then later, um, it wasn't until I was in my 30s till I actually um, I did end up going back to another long-term treatment.
Speaker 2:So was that the turning point? What was the kind of the turning point? Was it kind of internal? You just had heard that you had enough people reach out? It was the rehab, what really kind of changed everything for you.
Speaker 1:Okay. What changed for me was when I had my last baby, my baby girl. I don't know why, I don't know what made this child a little different. Maybe it was just time, I don't know. But when I had my last baby, she was I was, by that time, I was involved with with child protective services for a second time. So the first time I did reunify with my kids. They didn't remove them that time, okay. But this last time, for the second time around, um, I had tested positive, my baby tested positive when I gave birth and I didn't have a bed for her to come home in. And as a result of that, um, cps came back into my life again. Um, we were able to get her a bassinet but I couldn't stop using and so at that time and this again, this was the second time around same CPS worker wanted to work with me. The same judge and team legal team wanted to work with me again because I had had about a year of sobriety and I relapsed.
Speaker 1:And so now they're back in my life, right, and so they wanted to work with me again. Devastating part for me was when the judge told me I could not see my children until I was able to show and prove myself. At this time it was my son and my baby girl and I said but, judge, you know, we go to the same church. She said well, you're gonna have to go to another church. I couldn't see my children unless they it had to be supervised. But the judge had it.
Speaker 1:For the first two months I couldn't see them, period. She told me it was this is about you Either you get it for you or you won't get it. And that was really hard. So when I, when I came to that's how I phrase it in a treatment center somewhere along there, a deeper surrender happened and I came to this crossroad like Crystal either you're going to do what's required of you to get your children back or you're going to continue to repeat the same old pattern. Because my pattern was I would get out of jail or get out of treatment and go back into the environment that I knew, which was the you know, yeah, the environment's everything in that sense all about environment.
Speaker 1:You know, the difference was again to me. I believe that it was a God thing because when I went into treatment this last time, the workers that I was working with had helped me. I had a little bitty apartment for, you know, for me and the two kids at the time. I had never had that getting out of treatment before, but the agencies that I was working for made sure my rent was paid, you know, for when I, when I get out of treatment and it was at that time it was a four month treatment for me and I did aftercare groups, which was intensive outpatient groups, which was a step down from residential treatment. Okay, so they kept the light, they kept the apartment, my rent going. So this time I had an apartment to go to when I got out of treatment Now, granted, I didn't have no electricity right, and so I didn't have lights when I got in, the treatment center told me that I could stay there until I was able to get them on, but I felt, you know, no, I go and I deal with the darkness.
Speaker 1:You know, my kids still couldn't come yet, you know, by that time I was seeing them for two hours a week, supervised still, you know, and so to to answer, that was devastating for me and I had a fight in me that I didn't have before. You know, yeah, um, and, and I did what was necessary, you know. So I would every day because I didn't want to get high anymore. I was scared of what that looks like. You know, there was still that, that other side of me, that was saying do you really want to do this? You know, you know what you can do to get rid of the, the hurt and shame that you feel, you know, because your kids aren't with you and you, you, back in your apartment, you know, and you don't have your feel, you know, because your kids aren't with you and you, you back in your apartment, you know, and you don't have your kids, you know.
Speaker 2:So that kind of dialogue with me was happening which you'd had internally for a dozen years or more yeah, yeah, but this time I had began to build a network of people women who were not using.
Speaker 1:You know women who were not using. You know women who were, uh, who could identify with some of the struggles that I had with um. How do I, how do I discipline my children without harming my children? How do I do that? How do I not, uh, just try to give them? How do I not give them everything they want? Because I'm feeling guilty because of the separation right? You know, um, and and I had women who shared their experience, their strength and their hope with me and encouraged me along and reminded me you're right where you're supposed to be. And I'm like, how am I right where I'm supposed to be? This is hurting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Well, it doesn't go from here to here.
Speaker 1:Yeah. And you know yeah, in a second. Yeah, it took time.
Speaker 2:Was there? Was there an organization or group of people, or just people, that you had met through that rehab?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so some of the people, interestingly enough, when I got out of treatment at our home again, didn't know what to do with my life, had not yet started working, but I just knew that that was a safe space. Every day I would go back up to that treatment center Anything they would have me to do or allow me to do, just to keep me busy. I was doing it, so they would give me little assignments to do here. Try to see if you could start an alumni group. You know anything to help me stay clean?
Speaker 2:You got some purpose, some you know value. You got some acceptance. Yeah, connecting, making you know the right kind of relationships, if you will.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And so I would do that, I would go to meetings and I would. I still had responsibilities with CPS, cause they were still involved, right. And so, um, and, and that became my life. And then I began to apply for jobs right, I hadn't worked regularly and I don't know how long, so I'm like, okay, um, started working at a gas station, right, first shift, loved it, right, I can go to work, I can do, you know, make coffee for people. And it was speedway. I would never forget. I, I love speedway. Right, they don't know what they did for me. That's awesome.
Speaker 2:By employing me work it is amazing how good that can be for the soul.
Speaker 1:Yeah you know someone who had, you know some of the background that I had, you know, um, and out of that, my esteem began to grow, my worth and value began to grow because I can earn honest money. Now you know, I can take, take this money and I can pay the light bill. Now you know I don't have to rely on outside you know, illegal resources to do that. And so I began to do that and our hope ended up allowing me. They asked me one day did I want to work a shift for somebody? Because what I didn't know was happening was I was work. I was actually working on being trustworthy just by showing up every day at the treatment center saying give me something to do, please.
Speaker 1:You know, I didn't know that. That's what was happening, you know, and so they trusted me enough to somebody wanted to go on a vacation or something, and I was available, and so I did that, and that opened the door for my first job in recovery right, and so I became a support technician there, which was somebody that pretty much monitored the house, was there to provide help and support for the women that were in residential treatment, you know, and some of those tasks. That's what that, and I did that for, uh, probably like four years, and during that time I signed up for college, you know um again.
Speaker 2:Yeah, now you know, I know I kind of interrupted you previously. Did you end up finishing? Probably not the first time.
Speaker 1:No, I did not finish at Northern, when I went there and I actually had old money and again when I began to be more serious about my recovery I was talking to I had met a family at this church when I had got out of treatment at our hope, went back to that apartment, met a family at this church when I had got out of treatment at our hope, went back to that apartment, met a family at a church. They were having a, um, some kind of outside carnival and they later became my friends. Okay, and I had, and I had that, my, my little kids and um, this was prior to my relapse and cps coming in for the second time and they kind of took us in under there and we always had somebody taking me in in some way, you know, filling that family component, you know. And so they took us in. I ended up relapsing and in that they were the ones to um, to have cps come in again and they were able to this time be the foster care to my children.
Speaker 1:Out of that relationship, you know, yeah, yeah, but it wasn't easy for me because the friends that I was accustomed to were the friends that did not hold you accountable that you know anything illegal you wanted to do. They were game for it and encouraged you to do it. So now this is and this is my experience with what healthy friendship looks like right? So I had this family of friends who they saw me struggling and hurting but, more importantly, harming my children, and they made the difficult decision to make that call.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a good friend. Yeah, yeah, and so I struggled.
Speaker 1:It's a bit of a war there. Yeah, I struggled when I was in treatment with do I keep this relationship because they told on me or do I keep this relationship because they love me? And it was that struggle. But I ended up, you know, getting to the other side through the help of, of, of I believe God, and, you know, and again, me surrendering, didn't know all of this was breaking me down, right, you know. And so I ended up remaining, uh, in relationship with this family who later I asked to be the god parents of my daughter, nice, right. So again, I'm having these experiences and understanding I didn't know it helped me to understand what true loving friendship was and that, although something is painful, it really saved my life, you know, um, and the lives of my children so the pain and the I mean the the best things are not always easy.
Speaker 2:yeah, they come with a little bit of pain, especially early on you, in order to grow, and I'm, you know, sort of a growing pain, if you will. Yeah, yeah that's. That's awesome story. So how old are you at this point?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so at this point I'm it's still in my I am my later 30s.
Speaker 2:And you've gotten your 40s.
Speaker 1:I'm 54 right now.
Speaker 2:Okay, wow, I would. I actually thought you were younger than me. So how old are your children now?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so my oldest girl is 33, then 32, no 31, 33, 31. My son just turned 26. My daughter, my youngest, is 19.
Speaker 2:Okay. Cool Do you still have relationships with all of them.
Speaker 1:I do, I have relationships with well, I mean given the history. One. It still feels a little strained, but it's a work in progress. Sure, right, they're adults and I have to remind myself that sometimes in my mind, I still reflect back on them being the little you know. Yeah, we all talk. How about that there?
Speaker 1:you go um. And then I have three grandchildren. You know um each one. My two older daughters each have a daughter um. They're close in age, they're 12 and 11 right now. My grandson, which is by my son, he's three. Okay, you know, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm looking forward to that time in a few more years. My youngest just graduated high school. Yeah yeah, so from that you learn, you grow. It sounds like you've kind of broken some you know you mentioned when you started volunteering or working, taking that shift. It reminded me of somebody. Somebody said you know, we always kind of need to have a hand down and a hand up.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so, like you know, people had a hand down to you so long and then at that point, you were able to reach out and help those other mothers. Yeah, and now you're. You know you might still be both, but now you're helping a lot more people through the Mother's Touch. So why don't we talk about that now? How did you transition from where you were at and when did you decide to start a Mother's Touch, and tell us a little bit about what A Mother's Touch does?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so once with the employment at Our Hope, and Our Hope is kind of interwoven into my life, right, they're a part of my life, our Hope let's just refresh real quick again.
Speaker 2:That's the rehabilitation.
Speaker 1:Yep, refresh real quick again. That's the rehabilitation yep, our hope. Uh, it's um our hope, uh. Treatment center for women here in it's local in grand rapids. Um, so I had that first touch with them. Um went back to school, went to community college, got my associate's degree. Um transitioned from community college to grand valley and got my undergrad in social work, all while working in the field of addictions at different at our hope, at different agencies in Grand Rapids. Did you have?
Speaker 2:a like. What was what drove that choice?
Speaker 1:Again, my life experiences. Some of it was my life experiences and some of it was just the trajectory of how my life was going. Yeah, it was just moving in that way and, yeah, as a result of me going into recovery. Right, honestly, that wasn't what I wanted for me, which, mind you, I don't always know what's best for me.
Speaker 2:I don't think we always don't know what's best for anybody sometimes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, and so I I went with that, you know, because it was it was giving me purpose. It was not only providing food. And you know, um, because it was uh, it was giving me purpose. It was not only uh providing uh, food. And you know sustain, you know financial sustainability, but it was rewarding work, hard work at times, but rewarding. And out of that, um, I went on to get my master's at Grand Valley in social work, all while maintaining I'm also a certified peer recovery mentor with the state of Michigan. Ok, you know more recovery work, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, you're very experienced from both sides of that. It seems natural and it seems like the most effective place you can serve yeah, yeah, and so that's kind of.
Speaker 1:And so when I was in grad school, it was a grant writing class and I wanted to see how no, while I was at actually was that when I was working at Arbor Circle and working with moms who were dealing with the foster care system and we were being you know, being it was community based work and it was during that time that I started seeing as moms were working hard to be reunified with their children. Oftentimes they didn't have housing, oftentimes they didn't have housing and sometimes that would mean that there would be that permanent separation or termination.
Speaker 2:You know of that, and that was very hard for me to see, you know experience that, yeah, and once you got some housing you know you were able to start getting on your feet yeah yeah, you didn't have to.
Speaker 1:I mean, that's one of the core needs that we all have yeah, yeah, and so in in, when I was in grad school, that's when I began to say how can I bring this all together? You know, um, and I was I was told I couldn't write a grant at the time for what I wanted to do. So what I did was I researched who was doing similar work in our area and I interviewed them. And in my interviewing, uh, these people who were very gracious, um, I realized that they were not. They were helping or supporting single moms or single men, but they were not housing moms with children.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You know that was an area from the response I had gotten you know it's a liability you know, dealing with the little kiddos and that with the little kiddos and that, and from my experience having my, my tribe that was with me and supported me, and being able to be reunified with my children again at a time when moms who had a crack addiction were not getting their children back, I said, okay, that's where, that's where I want to go with that.
Speaker 1:I want to help moms with children to become more empowered in their parenting while navigating early recovery and um, so I wrote it out, you know, um, and I'm like, okay, I don't know how I'm gonna do it, but I know I got the heart for it, you know, and the passion for it, you know. And and I began talking to um, a friend of mine there, who, when I was actually coming out of my addiction, they kind of became my financial people. They kind of helped me with learning how to budget, how to save money, and I didn't want to do it because I always saw red right, yeah, right. And so they talked me, me through don't be afraid of the red, we'll, we'll get to the green right. But they stayed in my life and actually that family, I have to say, were they kind of fought. They were like her husband was the big brother to my son through the big brother program. Okay, and out of that see relationships. Yeah, it's all about relationships.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent. Yeah, it's so much of that in life.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:The networking relationships and you know, it takes people to just step out and try to build that Relationships don't just happen. I mean, somebody cares about somebody else, somebody is willing to invest their time, share some love, yeah, and that's work, um, even if it's just a little bit of work, yeah, but it's so rewarding and it's amazing. You know, and I see that and where I'm I, I bring things down the road and somebody helped you here, somebody helped you there yeah and now you're helping.
Speaker 2:You know multiple people yeah, and so that that can be exponential um just from the act and friendship of one person or one couple yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so, in me sharing what I wanted to do with the mother's touch to them, they had one. They uh wanted to come alongside of me and help me to to bring it into reality. And so, uh, her husband had helped to connect me with a contact at ICCF, ryan Verweiss. We had a meeting. I was able to tell Ryan about the mission and vision and he, probably about two weeks or so later, came and showed me a property that and that he wanted us to begin a mother's touch in one of his homes, and so we are also listed as that on ICCF right. And so, again, wanting to my passion to be able to help moms to become empowered in their parenting and their recovery in a supportive in their parenting and their recovery in a supportive, stable living environment so our kiddos, moms can either be pregnant or they can have a one child up to the age of five. Now what I have learned in doing this work sometimes there's a mom with two under five.
Speaker 2:Okay, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so if we have one of our bigger rooms that could potentially accommodate, we will accommodate mom. If she have two under five, okay, the max that we can have is five moms at a time. They can reside with us for up to 12 months While they're residing with us. Reside with us for up to 12 months while they're residing with us. They are, um, looking for employment. If they do not have it, they are, uh, attending, uh. I call it community support groups because I don't want to single it to either aana or anything. A community support group, whatever would help them to move their recovery forward, is how I frame that. There's random drug screens that they will have to be involved in. We have weekly groups, one being an in-house 12-step meeting. We have a we call it a mommy and me group, which is geared for mommy and baby. You know how to interact and play together when you're involved.
Speaker 2:I'm thinking back to where you were the father had taken the kid and you didn't have that time, and interacting at that time. So I imagine that's something that's learned. I remember that even as a kid, my mom would always say you know at our own challenges and I don't know how to play with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah no, you know so it's just practice. Yeah, it's like it's okay to get on the floor with your baby. Yeah you know, and just get in it with your baby. You know, let their hands get in the dirt, it's okay, we can wash it, you know, and it's you know it's it's sort of interesting because it seems like it should be natural.
Speaker 2:But you don't have, whether it's a two parents or you know, maybe they didn't have the same. You know, usually it seems like it's generational or part of that's because of they didn't have, they didn't weren't shown, they don't know how to love yeah and I've heard that um from my own dad at a time. So it's it's a difficult thing to learn and to be able to help people with that. Come around them. That's awesome yeah, it's such a little thing, but it means so much yeah, absolutely, absolutely, and so we have.
Speaker 1:We encourage moms to. If they do not have a therapist or a recovery coach, we encourage them to get that because we know, or I know, in that process of navigating early recovery there's still some, maybe some unaddressed mental health or some emotional damage. You know just from navigating the addiction world right. It's stressful and so we really try to do our best to help moms get the supports that would be most effective for her to be able to move her and her child's life forward. And we invite their professionals to come in the home and meet with them if they like. We don't allow for family and friends to come in and hang out because they can come and go as they want. There is a curfew. They you know they have to be in for curfew and they can have overnights, know, if they wanted to.
Speaker 1:So for that reason and for safety, we don't allow for family and friends to come because we will have people in and out all the time multiple moms and yeah, children yeah, um, they, you know we help them to learn how to grocery shop, how to use their their uh food benefits, you know, um, we make sure, um, baby, have a primary, have an ob. You know some of the prime, some not primary care, um, but uh, doctors, you know. And for mom, you know, um, I meet with them one-on-one individually. Um, I come in every other sunday and do a a trauma group, you know, with them and we have fun, though, you know we had an outing here where we went to the beach and we all pitched in and made lunch, took them and the kiddos to the beach and, you know, and just hung out, you know, because we also want to show you got to be able to have fun too right life is life.
Speaker 1:You're gonna have bills. They're not going anywhere. You know your recovery. You're gonna have to do maintenance work, for that sure, but how?
Speaker 2:about let's have fun too. You gotta have fun.
Speaker 1:You gotta recharge that way, yeah, and feel like you're loved in a different way, you know yeah, yeah, and so right now, um, in our home we have, um two part-time contractual house managers that are there to come and help support our moms and the program. We receive our funding right now through the ARPA grant, which is one of the COVID relief grants that have come through, and they help to pay for the salaries and some of the supplies for our home and we really appreciate that. That's a multi-year grant. Um, we have received, uh financial support also from Meyer. Uh, we were nominated, um, we were nominated for $10,000 in funding. Yeah, and so that's kind of how we've been able to manage so far. And each mom are required to pay a monthly program fee, which is $500 a month, which we are the lowest in rate for sober living in our area. We are a women's specialized sober living home and that's what sets us apart, also because of the specialty of mom and baby.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so that's what we have. We love, love, love having community partners, because we know we cannot do this uh important work by ourselves, um.
Speaker 2:So we are seeking um the support and help from community, um via um in-kind donations or um money, cash, any kind, yeah, yeah, yeah, meaning board membership, sharing their services with you yes, um, or products or whatever that might be yeah, any kind of donation yeah, we also have a board, so there's a board that we have a board of directors.
Speaker 1:there's a board that we have a board of directors. There's five of us that we have. We meet monthly and we talk about how we can continue to move our mission and vision forward in this great work, and I love them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're very supportive. They're great people. Yeah, that's how we met.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know. And so again, um the, the importance I cannot stress the importance of relationships. You know um, I've reached back, i'ma say reached back um to old probation officers that I've had, you know along the way, and say, hey, this is what I'm doing, you know this, you know like, because sometimes they don't get to hear no, that's a tough job.
Speaker 2:I know a few people that have done that and the social work. It can be a beat down, sometimes Day after day. It's so much negative.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and so where was I going? So we have had, over the course of us we have been a 501c3 for seven years and over the course of that time we have had several moms to be reunified with their children. So they navigated Child Protective Services and was able to close with them. We've had several moms actually stay for the entire 12 months because that's not required, that's what's allowed, yeah, right, and so we've had, I believe, five moms actually stayed the full 12 months and move on to permanent housing because, again, that's another one of our goals.
Speaker 1:So our goals are for moms to navigate their early recovery while parenting and to hopefully, ideally move from our uh, sober living home into permanent housing. Right, you know. And so, and to pre, we're trying to prevent babies from going into the foster care system due to mom's addiction or, um, lack of responsibility, whatever that is Um. And we receive referrals from various places um treatment centers, centers, probation officers. Right now we have a contract with the 61st District Court, you know, sobriety court, yeah, just, various places that we receive referrals through. What else am I?
Speaker 2:missing. What are some of the future goals, Like what's the next next steps here? Yeah, you want to. You're looking to grow that, or you're looking to just offer more services to the the same you hold five in the house right now. You're looking to add more housing. Yep.
Speaker 1:I would. I am looking to grow our program via having more housing, more houses, to be able to help more moms, because we do have a wait list right now and there is a great need in our area for moms with children in early recovery and, at some point as well, to actually grow the program itself. So grow the housing number of houses we have, and it does not have to only be in the Grand Rapids area. Okay, right, so I'm willing to extend in that way, but also to be able to grow the type of programming that we offer.
Speaker 2:And to like. What other type of programming would you like to add? Yeah, Maybe somebody out there has an in-kind service that they would like to help with that program.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so one. We would like to be able to offer transportation for our moms, because oftentimes they don't have a car, you know, and if we could assist them with either getting to their community support meetings or to their employment places, that would be cost effective for them. We would also like to be able to add more focused type of programming for a kiddo for a baby, because that's a critical age, especially when we got that toddler.
Speaker 1:We want to help prepare them, you know, for preschool and you know make sure that they're thriving, you know in that way and I guess going real big. You know, if we could offer some, if we could have our a little, our daycare for them. Yeah, you know, it would prevent if we could have daycare set up for them under us. That would, because we know for the daycares that they do have there's often a wait list for that.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, they're hard to get into and they're expensive, yeah, and so if we could have be able to provide child care specifically for our moms, again, that would be cost effective, time reducing, less stress. Mom would know that when she's going to work, if she has to take the bus, right, um, if she was taking a bus, she know child care is right here, versus having to take multiple buses to day care then to work. Time consuming, yeah, right, if we can streamline that, okay, that would be priceless great, so um, how can people find you?
Speaker 1:yes, so we do have a website at uh amotherstouchgrcom. Okay, we are. Our contact is, our phone number is 616-259-0461. And that's how we can be contacted.
Speaker 2:So if somebody wants to help out or has an idea or a connection or a referral of any kind, they can just reach out via the website or the phone number.
Speaker 1:Yes, we do have a Facebook page as well. Okay, yeah, wonderful.
Speaker 2:Yep, well, anything else you'd like to share before we head out for the day?
Speaker 1:Get back to work Right. My hope is that, out of this message, that one if there's any moms struggling with addiction that you would reach out to us that hopefully we can help guide you into the direction that you're wanting to go, or a family member who may, someone who may be a family member of someone who is struggling with an addiction and has a child and you just don't know what to do and just need a little bit of guidance or support. Please reach out. Also, we're hoping that we could attract more community partners, you know again, to be able to do this great work. If you feel that any aspect of this message have tugged at your heart, please reach out and see how you might be able to help, um, support, uh, a mom and child. We would greatly appreciate it thank you.
Speaker 2:Thanks, crystal for joining us and um, we appreciate you all.
Speaker 1:Have a great day hey, tell me that I'm never gonna make it.
