103. Sunday Motivation: Are You Creating Your Own Chaos?

How many of you find yourself looking for control in your life, because you've been told that what you want is out of your reach? How many of you live chaotic lives, in chaotic households, because you just don't see it being any different? I'm here to tell you that it does NOT have to be that way. Your problem may be something YOU are creating. So, if you are looking for motivation today, listen to this episode. You still have a full Sunday afternoon to start cleaning up the mess you made this morning... 

Transcript

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What if I told you that you're creating your own chaos? What if I told you it doesn't have to be this way and it doesn't even have to be that difficult to change the way that things are going in your life? I'm not a motivational speaker, I'm not a mental health professional, I'm not even really somebody who can say that I'm all that successful. Because when it comes down to it, you have to look at what your goal is. If my goal was to be quote unquote successful, which a lot of people tie to making lots of money or having lots of things, then some would say, well, she's not that successful. But my goal was never just to leave college and enter the corporate world and buy a house and meet someone and get married and have kids. Sure, at some point I thought that that was the route I was going to take. But I just had this feeling inside of me that I was different and things were going to be different for me. And I wanted a little bit of risk and I wanted a little bit of excitement. I was born in a somewhat small area of Indiana, and there was a cornfield behind my house. And so, other than being scared of it, and if you've ever watched the movie Children of the Corn, you know what I'm talking about. I just couldn't see very far. I'd look out my bedroom window and there would just be rows and rows and rows of corn. And then at some point, a developer came in and cleared it out and put in mobile homes, and things just weren't really going down the path that I thought about in my mind. I just pictured a lot of really cool stuff happening. And so in my mid-40s right now, I'm looking at high interest rates for mortgages and I'm looking at how expensive things are, and I'm looking at the very small space that I live in. But I also know that I have years and years of experiences that a lot of people never had the courage to seek out. And I think one thing that I notice when I go into people's homes is just how much they want their life to be different. For some people, they don't want the stuff, they want the experiences. They'll say to me, in two or three years, when my kid goes off to college, we're gonna sell everything and we're gonna travel the country. We're gonna do all of the things that we wanted to do in our 20s, but we got married and settled down in one place, and we've been here our whole life and we want to do something different. And I've heard people say, I really, really need this stuff because it makes me feel like I've earned something, like all of the work that I've done for someone else all of these years of being loyal to one company, this is my reward. This is the stuff that I purchased with those paychecks. And I've heard people say, I really want to get in better shape. I want more time to myself. I want to be able to feel like I have a say in this household, that I'm not just putting my hand out for money and asking for permission to go do things when I'm 30, 40, 50 years old. And this isn't an episode about feminism, and this isn't an episode about getting divorced or up and quitting your job. It's about bringing to light some of the topics that people talk to me about as their organizer because some people won't go to therapy, some people won't leave the house, some people won't go back to school, they won't go at least apply for that dream job. What they do is confide in me when I come to their home and their spouse is away. This has happened to me multiple times. I feel like there's so many of you out there that feel this way. Now, my life is not easy. I'm a single mom. I've been a single parent for eight years. I was in a one-year relationship that has been over for a year. And so I have been out there by myself floating on an island for a very, very long time. So I'm not trying to glamorize being single, doing parenting mostly on your own, trying to make decisions for another person's life and wondering every single day if I'm doing all of the right things. But there is such a thing as creating your own chaos. And it has to do with fear. It really does. It has to do with being afraid that the option that you're trading for is not going to be as good as what you have now. And let me tell you, if you're ready to make a change, and it doesn't have to be a change in a relationship, it doesn't have to be a change in the type of household that you're running right now. It's just a mindset change. It is pushing back when somebody tells you you're never going to be able to do that. Are you kidding? You're in your 30s, 40s, 50s, your time has passed. There's no way. Like you need to get over that. You need to move on. You need to accept your situation. You need to accept your fate. And the problem with this is that we may live another 20, 30, 40 years, right? If you're 50 years old, guess what? My grandpa is 92. You may live another 42 years, God willing. And it wasn't until last year that he slowed down. He was still riding his little stationary bike. He was still doing his weights in his basement. He still goes out to eat and he still goes for little walks and stuff like that. But 42 years from where you are now, if you're 50 years old. So no matter what your parents said to you, no matter what your grandparents said to you, no matter what your current friends say to you, you need to step aside and say, what kind of life do I really want? And I can't tell you what that is because I have been an outlier for a very, very long time. Ever since I was probably six or seven years old, I have always felt different. I have always talked different. I have always moved different. And when I was a kid, I was a big people pleaser because I didn't want to get my butt beat because I was in a low-income neighborhood in a school where if you didn't fall in line, it could mean getting punched in the face. And that's just the reality. Some kids grow up that way. And some people choose to keep that survival mechanism their whole entire life. And so they get married and they get into a household where someone else is taking care of all of the bills and making the money and telling everyone how the household is going to run. And you have to ask for permission and you have to put your hand out. And you think to yourself, this just doesn't feel like where I'm supposed to be. Now, when some people start having these conversations, some people wake up. Some people say, Wow, I didn't know you felt that way. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. I thought I was XYZ. And I can't tell you what all will happen when you start having these conversations. I can't tell you how the other person will react. I can't even tell you that you're going to have a happy ending if that's what you're looking for. But the reason I decided to make this a Sunday motivation is because some of you are sitting there after church, after brunch, in your living room, in your kitchen. Maybe you went to change in a bedroom or a bedroom closet and you've had a really, really rough morning, even though it's supposed to be a day of rest, even though it's supposed to be a family day, even though you've got people coming over for dinner, you're thinking to yourself, all I have to do is get through tonight. All I have to do is get through the rest of the day. I got to put a smile on my face. And then tomorrow we go back to our regular schedule for the week. My child's going to be in school, my husband's going to be at work. I can get some stuff done. I can have some peace and quiet. And let me tell you, I have been in households over the years that function very, very well and in a very healthy manner. They are very few and far between. And that doesn't mean that your situation can't change. It's just that these types of couples and these types of households are very honest with each other. If there's a problem, they talk about it immediately. They address it immediately. And if there's someone like me that needs a little bit of time to process some of the bigger things, then it's handled overnight. I am someone hands down has to sleep on a major decision. Now my gut instinct will tell me this is what you need to do. But sometimes I have to sleep on it and wake up the next morning to feel like, okay, I gave it enough time where it still feels like this is what I need to do. And so if that is you, you may be having a lot of feelings today, but when you wake up tomorrow, it's just gonna feel a lot more solid that yes, I wasn't just tired. I wasn't just cranky or hungry. I wasn't exhausted from running around on a Sunday that should have been somewhat restful. I really feel this way. And I felt this way for a long time. And you know, I probably should just go get some kind of certification at this point to be a marriage counselor because the thing about being an organizer is that a lot of people will let you in because they are dying for someone to talk to. And it's easier to say the contractor is coming over and my spouse is gonna be away. That's gonna be a very convenient, easy time for me to talk to someone. I just need to bounce ideas off of someone. I just need to feel like someone gets me, like someone understands me. I have been in long-term relationships. I was with my child's father for five years, and there is a lot that happens throughout those seasons, and especially when you have small children. He and I split up when our child was four. And so I know, I know that especially if you've got little ones, you're sitting there thinking this season is never going to end. It will, it will end. It doesn't magically get better when they turn five, six, or seven. There's just some things that are easier to deal with. And so I do want to go ahead and tell you that we are going to have an organizing series for parents. We're gonna have an organizing series for single parents. We already had the episode organizing after divorce. We're talking about all these transitions right now with the spring. A lot of people are graduating. I've been driving through these different neighborhoods, going to client houses and dropping off things and running errands and doing consultations, and there's all these signs in the yard and cars parked on the street. Congratulations! You did it, you made it. And it reminds me of a time when I was graduating, I was senior class president. I was giving that speech that every class president gives this time of year, talking about how this is the beginning of the rest of our lives. And it's not a sales pitch, it's just that a lot of people don't know how to navigate, especially when you're 18, 19, 20 years old. And you've been told what you should do, what you have to do, what your weekly schedule looks like, what your weekend looks like, what a good wife looks like, what a good husband looks like. And trust me, I'm a Christian and I'm somewhat traditional. So I'm not trying to say that I don't value marriage, that I don't value family, that I don't value community or going to church. But I think some people really get lost in this is who I am, this is what I've always been, things will never be different, even if they feel like there's something more for them. So why does this matter? Why am I talking about this? Because what you think you're doing when you hire a contractor, and this could just be a decorator, a renovator, it could be somebody that comes and you're like, hey, I want to do some feng shui. I want to hire a personal trainer, we want to hire someone, we want to go on a retreat. There are so many things that people will pay for when what they really have to do is get to the root problem of why they're unhappy. And this week, I have to admit, I've been really unhappy, you guys. And I'm admitting that to you because a lot of people think that if you are a quote unquote expert in something, that you never ever have trouble in that area. Organizing is easier for me because I've done it so much. It is truly a habit. A lot of personal trainers, and I was a personal trainer back in 2010 through 2012 or 13. Um, and I've competed, and trust me, I've had to really, really push through to get through some of these competition preps, to step on stage and to get to that point. It is truly, truly hard when you are wanting to achieve a very, very high goal and be at the top in something. But you learn to really, really deal with those deep, dark thoughts that you have and those insecurities and the things that keep you from actually trying to do it because you're so afraid. And even if you say, I don't care what people think, I'm gonna do this, there's still a fear inside of you. And that comes from a lot of different places. And so people have hired me as a personal trainer before. I just don't know what I need to do to get through this. I can't motivate myself. I can't, you know, put down the sauce, I can't put down the sweets, can't put down the alcohol, I can't, you know, whatever their vice is, I just can't push through. And I can't solve that for you. And I've said this many, many times on this podcast. I'm not a mental health professional, I'm not a therapist, but when I got weeded out of medical school and college, I did take a couple of psychology courses. So there you have it. Before I ultimately went and majored in English writing and decided to do journalism. But I will tell you this the sooner that you wake up and you really get honest with yourself about who you are and what you want, things will get easier for you in your mind. Okay. The implementation may take longer, but you have to have that mindset. You have to have the mindset that your house will look the way that you want it to. You have to have the mindset that your finances will get better. You have to have the mindset that someone will come along at some point and value you for who you are. And even if you're a single mom, even if you're someone that's struggling, even if you're someone who has been out of a relationship for a really long time and you really, really want that companionship, but you don't just want to settle. You want to feel heard. You want to have a good, healthy relationship where you feel like you have just as much of a say as the other person, you have to figure out in your mind how to get to that place. And then other things will fall into place. So to wrap up this Sunday motivation, I'm not trying to preach to you. I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But if you're standing in your closet right now crying, trust me, you're not the only one. I have seen many, many people over the years cry in their closet, cry in their kitchen, cry in their kids' playroom. And sometimes it's the husband. Okay, sometimes the husband says, Listen, I feel like I do everything around here. So I'm not just speaking to the women. I just want to be clear. It tends to be women most often, but I have talked to many husbands who have said, can you just get through to her because I'm at my wit's end. We can't keep things organized. We can't keep a budget. So I've heard it from both sides. And the bottom line is you have to get real with yourself. Even if you got married young and you're sitting there at 45, 50 years old, and you're like, I have always been a wife. I have always, always been in this role. And it's probably too late to do something different. It's not too late. And it doesn't mean that you don't want to be a wife anymore. It's just that you want things to look different and feel different and feel peaceful. Really, at the end of the day, that's what it's all about. People want peace in their life. They want companionship, they want friendship, they want love and romance, they want the big house and the white picket fence. But at what cost? The one thing I have perfected is organizing my mind and organizing my life to where I have a say in my own life. And no matter what anyone says, I'm pushing forward and I'm doing the things that I want to do that I feel like are in alignment with my goals and how I see my future turning out. And I'm authentic to who I am. And I know that that's why a lot of you listen. I've heard many of you say, I appreciate you being authentic. I appreciate you being real. I'm not always the most popular person. And I wasn't the most popular in high school. I was friends with everybody. I was in so many different groups, but I was never a popular person. I was popular adjacent. But I got to see a lot of people, how they operated and things that made them tick. And throughout the years, I've watched lots of families and lots of individuals try to get to a different place in their life. And a lot of people just feel stuck. And Sunday is no different. Sunday is supposed to be peaceful, it's supposed to be a day of rest. And I have worked with many people on Sundays where they're screaming at people and throwing things and crying and breaking down. And I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be that way. I know a lot of you are listening to this and thinking, yeah, that all sounds great, but I just don't know where to start. So just keep listening. Keep listening to this podcast. Keep listening to other podcasts. And what the most important thing is, is actually believing what you're hearing. Because a lot of you, a lot of you have some really major insecurities, and you keep listening to what you've been told your whole life. And some of it may be true. Some people may have given really good advice and you just weren't in a place in your life where you were receptive to it. So don't throw out everything. What do they say? Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater. Is that what it is? Anyway, listen to the good stuff, throw out the bad stuff, and start listening to yourself more. That's what really matters. It's your life. We only get one. Yes, you may have another 30, 40, 50 years, but it goes by so quick. I became a single mom when my son is four and he just turned 12. So trust me, I totally get the feeling. I hope this episode was helpful. Please make sure to subscribe to the bonus content where I have a lot more stories like this. We also have our new moving series. Episodes two through five will be there. Episode two just got put up yesterday. The minimum contribution is only $3 a month. And if you ever want to reach out to me and tell me your story or ask for advice, or you want your story to be featured on the show, you can email me at labeled organizing at gmail.com. Thank you for listening, and I will see you in the next episode.