107. Bonus: It Never Gets Easier

Some people think that if you have ONE thing figured out in your life, then you must know it all. This is not really how talent or intelligence works. Everyone has some kind of obstacle they must overcome, and I'm here to tell you a story... 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

So I've had some snippy clients over the years. And let me tell you what that means. I have had some people who think for some reason, since I'm a professional organizer, that my life is somehow easier than theirs. And I think a lot of that comes from the fact that when you are advising, coaching, instructing, where you're being a leader in a situation, somebody just assumes that you never have to deal with the problems that they do. And one particular client comes to mind that I worked with where I helped her out probably two or three weeks. And at the time I was preparing for a fitness competition. So I was really struggling. Like I was waking up every day and working out. And then I would go to my client's house and help them. Then I would go back and do my second workout. And then I would have to somehow get everything else done and get to bed. And all the while I'm trying to eat everything that I'm supposed to eat in the order that I'm supposed to eat it in. So that was a very, very structured but also stressful time in my life. And this was before COVID. This was a time where I was really trying to push myself and I was trying to work more on what I knew I had to do instead of what I felt like doing. And for those of you who have gone through phases like that where you've really put in the extra effort, you've pushed past the middle block and you've just shown up, right? Because I mean, that's half the battle, is just showing up. If you just show up and you get started with something, then normally that particular piece will fall into place. So anytime that I would get up and I'm like, I don't want to do my cardio, because that was usually the first workout, was just like, and I say just, it really isn't that bad. It's just like 20 minutes of walking at a brisk pace. It's not running, it's not walking uphill, it's not lunges, it's just walking. And just that alone was step one for the day. And once I got going, once I was like three or four minutes in and I was distracted watching a TV show or listening to music, then it wasn't that bad. I got through it. And then the next thing was, okay, I've got to eat this food. Well, I don't feel like that. I feel like going to Starbucks and getting, you know, a sugary ice latte and some kind of pastry item. But I had to eat egg whites and turkey sausage and gluten-free toast. And so as I went through the day, I hit multiple barriers. And a lot of times the barrier was really me like running into a wall where I would be really tired. I'd be really emotional. I would just feel like, is this all worth it? And then I would get closer and closer to competition. And you do pick up the habit. You really do. Once you get going, you could be two or three weeks in and feel like you're not making progress. And then you get weeks four, five, and six. And then you're like, okay, I'm feeling better. I'm starting to see some results. Maybe this is all gonna happen after all. And so it really is this mindset that once you're in it, you're just getting up and you're just doing, you're just going through the motions, but the motions are already set in place, and you don't really have to think about it. It just happens. And so I worked with this client for a few weeks and physically I looked pretty good. I was getting up and showing up on time. I usually had some kind of drink in my hand. So it was like an Ollipop or a sweet tea or some kind of coffee. But I showed up and I was on track for the day. And I would say it was probably this third visit. I was working with this client, and we were in her closet and she was holding a piece of clothing and she got really emotional. And I asked her, What are you feeling right now? And she's like, I don't want to talk about it. And I said, Well, here's the problem is that we've done this for a few weeks now, and every time we get to your close, you really shut down. And you don't have to tell me specifically what's going on, but I just want you to recognize that we need to start making some actual moves with some of this stuff if we're going to meet the goal that you're paying me to get you towards. And she kind of wiped away her tears and she looked at me and she's like, Oh, it's just so easy for you. I know it's just so easy for you. And I didn't snap back because I understand that some people, when they're in a vulnerable moment, think that everybody else has it easier. And if you are trying to organize and you feel overwhelmed and you've got a professional organizer standing there telling you, I think this is what you should do. And you also have had your hair done, you've been working out, so you look pretty good, you feel pretty good. You know, I talk a lot to my clients about minimalism. And so I had been sharing my stories about, well, I don't have that much laundry because I don't have that many clothes. And so as I went through a lot of the steps with her and she had this moment, a lot of the clapback was, well, you don't know how this feels. Of course it's easy for you. And so I wanted to record this episode today because I just wanted to let everybody know that it never gets easier, none of it. And that's not just with organizing, it's with fitness and your health and trying to make money and trying to make your kids' schedule work and trying to transition into another phase of life, help your kids transition to different phases of life. Life just isn't easy for most people. Now, some people just glide right through, they don't have a care in the world. Some people are very fortunate to have a lot of financial backing. They just happen to meet their spouse earlier in life. You know, they go from their parents' house to college to getting married to having kids. And then before they know it, their kids are grown. They're looking at retirement, they have a retirement saved up. So there are a lot of people that will say, Well, I don't understand why everybody is stressing out so much. Some people also feel that way if they have not taken a path of risk. They did all of the things they were supposed to do, but a lot of times they were miserable. They're the type of people that will go work a job and then complain for 35 years and be at that same job. And, you know, things get worse and worse and they're not happy and they live for the weekends and take a couple of vacations a year. And so as they get older, they're like, Well, I'm really responsible because I did all of the things. But then they also say, There are different times that I wondered what this would be like, or what if I had done this? So life is just a trade-off, it's a complete trade-off. And to be honest, I had a really, really hard day today. And I thought about this client because I think one of the best things that I can do as a quote unquote coach, even though I don't label myself as a coach, just being an organizer, you tend to be a leader, like I said before. But I think it's also important to put out there that I mean, everything's not perfect just because of what I do. It's just one component of my life. And organizing was a strength before it was a profession. It was just a strength of mine. It was something I enjoyed doing. And it was also birthed from the fact that I hated having stuff around me. My childhood was very stressful. My young adulthood was very stressful. Now, the reasons for both were completely different. I came from a broken home. I don't have a relationship with my father, but I did when I was younger. And the times that I was around him, it was very unsafe and very stressful. Then when I was a young adult, I felt very insecure and naive when I went off to college because I didn't feel like I actually got a realistic view of the world. I felt like my family was one of those families that painted this picture of as long as you're a nice person and you do all of this stuff for people, you're gonna get points in heaven and no one's ever gonna be upset with you or fight back with you. Like they're mean if they don't like you or they're wrong if they don't see how great you are. And I think it's good to give people positive affirmations. I think it's good to be encouraging, but I also think it's good to be realistic. So even though I didn't snap right back at that client, even Sarah off hours probably wouldn't have snapped back right away. But one thing I did say was listen, I understand that this is frustrating right now, and I understand that you think that because people pay me to do this, that I never struggle. But a lot of the reason that I'm on this side of the fence right now is because of all the struggle that I had to do. And at some point you get tired of struggling. At some point you get tired of looking at so many things and thinking to yourself, I don't know where to put that, I don't know if I should store it. I may just give it away. I don't know. I kind of want to sell it though, because it's worth something. And when you log a lot of hours in that mindset and you reach even my age, I'm in my mid-40s. Okay, so I am true midlife. And yes, the midlife crisis is totally a thing. I felt bits of it when I was like 39 going into 40, but then I turned 40 during COVID. And so now that I'm getting ready to turn 46, there's that feeling of you don't want to waste any more time. You don't want to go on a bad date. You don't want to make the wrong move. You don't want to pack up all your stuff and move to a place and then find out that your neighbors are jerks and they're loud all the time and there's dogs barking and kids running up and down the hallway. So we go through these, you know, stressful moments where we think that everybody else has it easier. But then we have to remember that everybody is fighting a battle. So even if I'm not currently struggling with organizing, I may be struggling with parenting. I may be struggling with co-parenting, which, you know, lucky for me, I haven't had like any major issues with my son's father, but a lot of people do. A lot of people are in and out of court. A lot of people are trying to mediate, they're trying to get through a divorce, they're trying to keep their kids mentally focused on school during all of that. And meanwhile, you have all of these phases of life that you're always transitioning to and preparing for, right? So the reason it never gets easier is because life never gets easier. So you may donate some of your child's clothes because they're growing out of some clothes, and now all of a sudden you have some space in the closet. But then instead of just buying a couple of new things, people go on a complete shopping spree because it makes them feel better. And they think, okay, I need to get all new clothes for my child, and then that way I don't have to do as much laundry, and then that way they're gonna look great, they're gonna be set. And then before you know it, their legs grow again. And so you've got to do the whole process again. And then some people don't get rid of those clothes right away. Some people are like, well, maybe they can wear those on the weekend, maybe they can play in those clothes, maybe those will be clothes that when they're outside, or if we're gonna go hiking, you know, we'll we'll put those aside and we'll keep those. They just won't be like their best clothes. And so the more that you acquire and the less you actually get back out, that's where people start to realize that snowball effect of wow, like this just totally started rolling down the hill. And now all of a sudden I have items from early in life. I have items from when I was just getting started in my career, when I just got married, when I first started having kids. Then I took on my parents' stuff when they passed away, or I had a neighbor give me some stuff. I took some free stuff because I thought I could flip it. And so when I'm standing there with a client and they say, Oh, yeah, like you have it so easy, like you would know what I'm going through. You can't just assume that somebody is where they are because they had the easy path. You also have to keep in mind that some people become personal trainers because they used to be very, very overweight and unhealthy. And they finally, finally pushed through the mental block and lost the weight and got healthier and adapted better habits. And then they wanted to inspire other people. And that's why they're good at it because they have a story, they have a backstory. And so for me, my childhood was so chaotic. My young adulthood was pretty chaotic. And there were so many things that happened off plan. Even if I made a plan, I got to the point where someone would say, What's your five-year plan? And I was like, I don't even know because I made a plan for six months from now, and I got served, you know, this curveball, and things completely changed. So why even plan five years down the road when you don't know what's gonna happen? So you can use that to your advantage. You can say, I don't know what's gonna happen. So let's just worry about today. You can have the hybrid method where you say, okay, I'm not gonna worry about five years from now, but let's make a plan for one or two years from now. And then I'm also gonna live in the moment. So I'm gonna, if it's financially, hey, I'm gonna put a little bit back for a rainy day or a year from now or two years from now. And then I know I need to get rid of some stuff because it doesn't fit. So I'm gonna get rid of three items and buy one item to replace it. So I get to reward myself a little because I gave up more that I'm gonna bring back in. But then I'm also gonna make sure the one thing I bring back in is something I truly, truly love. And that way I don't have to keep doing this. I don't have to keep buying stuff on sale that I don't like and I don't wear. And then at some point I have to donate it because it's not worth selling. It's not stuff that would bring in 20, 30, 40, $100. It's stuff that people may give you one or two dollars at a yard sale, right? So when I'm standing there with my client, I'm reminding her I'm here to help you and I'm here to motivate you. And I know that you're upset with me because you're looking at me and you think that I represent the thing that is holding you up. But I'm here to tell you that I do know how you feel. I have been in your shoes, and I know how hard it is. And what you have to realize is I'm telling you, even though I know how hard it is, what I know is that if you can push through and get to the other side, all of a sudden you're gonna have a different kind of snowball to where four weeks, five weeks, six weeks in, you're not gonna want to even go shopping. I get to the point where I get sick to my stomach thinking about having to replace even my shampoo bottle. I'm like, can't we just keep using the stuff that we have? Like my shampoo bottle is almost empty, but I hate the thought of going to get something new and bringing it in. I want to be able to operate with the stuff that I have, and that's where I feel comfortable. And it took a long time. One episode that we're gonna have is getting rid of stuff that you actually love because that's really the next level. Getting rid of the stuff you don't like, you would think would be easy. A lot of people struggle with it. The people that finally push past that have to realize that there may be an additional step, and that means getting rid of stuff you actually like, but it's a sacrifice, it's a sacrifice for the next thing that you want to do. So I just wanted to take the time and give this little bit of encouragement because I know some of you are struggling and you think that everybody else has it easier. You think that everyone else is cleaner than you, everyone else is more organized than you. I'm here to tell you that there's a lot of people struggling. And a lot of people who made it to the other side aren't in the clear. I was actually a personal trainer. While I was competing early on, I was also a personal trainer. And then after I had my child and I was thinking about getting back into it, I went back to competing, but not personal training. That's kind of when I got more into organizing. So instead of being a trainer, I became an organizer. But then I was also still competing and still trying to accomplish all of those fitness and health goals. But the problem is COVID messed up a lot of that timing as far as fitness competitions, just like it messed up so many things. And so for me, it wasn't like once I competed, I was done. It's not like once you go to the gym and you work out and you lose weight, you're done. You have to maintain it. And so right now I feel like my house is a little bit more put together just because that's become more of a life habit. But then the physical side of things for me have been a struggle, especially the last couple of years. And a lot of that has to do with just, you know, with just entering into that phase of life for women where everything mentally, physically, emotionally is just a little bit harder. And I have to keep reminding myself that if a doctor or a friend, you know, someone who's on the other side of what I'm going through is trying to tell me, hey, here's what you have to do. The solution isn't to snap at them and say, oh, well, of course you have it easy, or, you know, you've never dealt with this. Most people who are trying to help you, who are a professional, who are good at what they do, come from a place of, I'm trying to help you so that you don't have to struggle as much. And you can see the way through because right now you can't see it. And so I'm trying to help you see it. So I hope for all of you who have really struggled, I hope that if you do have somebody helping you that sometimes you can take a step back and say, you know, I don't have to like everything that they say and I don't have to listen to every single little thing. But maybe I could see where they're coming from and maybe try a couple of things that have worked for them because when you kind of when you've run out of solutions, sometimes all you can do is just try to take advice from somebody who has been there before and who has made it to the other side. So I hope this episode was helpful. I appreciate all of you who have subscribed to the bonus content. Thank you again, and I will see you next time.