121. Organizing for Single Moms (and those who feel like one) - Part One

I've been wanting to do a series like this for a very long time, and with this episode, I'm starting it. I am a single mom - an organized single mom at that - and even though I organize for a living, it still took a lot of trial and error to get my own life manageable, especially in the beginning. In this Introduction, I will talk post-partum to perimenopause, juggling everything on your own... Which is WHY I also included the moms who maybe aren't single, but they sure feel like it. In the three-part series that follows, we will talk organizing... food, clothes, money, schedules, stress and health - for starters - then try to paint a realistic picture of what it would look like to be a single mom who IS organized, and has everything in her life structured to where it benefits her and her child(ren), because that is what's most important, when you come out on the other side.

Transcript

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So without further ado, now that I've really, really set up the scene, let me talk about three different categories. Okay. I came up with this, there's not like a really strict structure with this. Okay. Just as I was thinking about putting together this episode, I thought, okay, what are three things that we can think about? The first one has to do with your budget. So mostly food and clothes for both of you. So depending on how many kids you have, let's just say that it's just you and one child, okay, because that's my situation. When it comes to food and clothes, if you are on a budget, you want to try to be a minimalist with your clothing and your food. And you're like, okay, yeah, we get it. No, trust me. These are the two categories where no matter how long the season is for you, it may just be a year. Maybe you, you know, got divorced a year ago, and now you feel like dating again. And maybe you're one of the lucky ones that gets out there and you meet someone amazing right away, and they're great with your child, and you date for six months or a year or two years, and then you decide to get married, and you're like, Whew, like that was a hard time. Well, I've been out there for eight years, and part of it is by choice. Um, because when I split up with my son's father, my priority was, okay, now I've got to get back out. After not being in the workforce for a decade, because I was self-employed, I had a kids' brand. Um, I was still working on that. Luckily, I got out of it right before COVID. I sold off a lot of my inventory and I'm like, okay, now I'm just gonna focus on organizing again. But it was it was me just trying to figure out okay, what do I need to do in order to make ends meet? And I've always had two or three different streams of income for years, especially once I got online and you know, sold with Etsy or eBay. That's something I've always enjoyed doing. And so we are gonna have an organizing episode for side hustles, side gigs. And so that's something we'll get into more down the road. And that's gonna be for everybody. For the moms, I wanted to talk specifically about clothing because when you're a new mom, when you're a new mom and you're at home, you know how it is. You're living in sweatpants, you're living in tank tops, you're getting thrown up on. There's dirty diapers everywhere, you're also trying to clean, you're also trying to sleep. And so it's not like you're getting, you know, full glam makeup on with a suit and heels, and then you know, you're doing something for a couple of hours and then you're changing back into sweatpants and taking a nap. Like there are days where you forget what day it is, what time it is, you just know that your baby is either, you know, sleeping or awake, fed or hungry, you know, you're trying to brush your hair, you're trying to brush your teeth, all of that. So when it comes to clothes, I would say as long as you are a single mom, unless you have a really good paying job and money is not an issue, and your child goes to daycare or you have a nanny, like I said, that that is for a completely different set of people. Okay. That's not who I'm talking to right now. I'm talking about a true single mom who is thinking about the budget. Try to keep you and your child in very neutral colors. Now, kids have a lot of cute things that come in different colors, whether it's Old Navy or Target or Amazon, that's different. But as far as clothes on a daily basis and like play clothes and school clothes and all of that, you can rotate in a lot of stuff. And when it comes to laundry, and this is what people don't always understand, is that when it comes to laundry, it's actually easier to do laundry with less stuff. The more clothes you buy, because people are like, oh, I hate doing laundry, I'm gonna buy more clothes. No, you want to focus on having as little as possible. So what I did for my son was when he was in the onesies, we did a lot of white onesies. Now, that may seem counterintuitive because it's like, oh, well, they're messy. Well, when they spit up, it's usually white. And if it's not, the more that you throw in white stuff with towels, you're washing that stuff on hot. It's easier to see if there is a stain and you can pre-treat it. The reason for white is just more of, again, it's easier to throw in with other stuff. And then you can normally get like a package. Okay, so it could be a package of onesies that have a colorful pattern or different colors, and that's fine. I'm I'm talking about the white onesies for the sake of I could throw those in with washclaws or burpclaws because a lot of those are white. And so I would try to keep things very, very neutral as far as the color palette, because the more that you can clump those colors together, the better. Now I wear a lot of black. I wear a lot of black leggings, I wear a lot of black sports bras and tank tops. And even in the summer, I don't really wear shorts, but I'll wear like a tennis skirt. Like I'll wear a lot of like black golf skirts or tennis skirts. And I love black jumpsuits, like those modal, really soft, easy jumpsuits that you can just kind of like fit into really quick, or something you can pull over your head really quick. So when it comes to clothing for you and your child, I would do less, and especially with a growing child, okay. So the the child's gonna be growing and hopefully you are gonna be shrinking. Okay. I only say that because when you give birth, obviously you are at a weight that's gonna come down. And so this has nothing to do with a normal weight that you would have. This has everything to do with, okay, you've given birth and your child is growing, and so he's gonna be growing out of clothes. And then as you start coming down in your weight, you're gonna be getting into smaller clothes. And so a lot of those maternity clothes, you're gonna be giving away or selling, whatever you want to do. But I will tell you this: the less you have, the better. I try to stick with the same kind of tank top when I go to bed. I used to like these gap tank tops. They were called um, oh, I think love, love by gap is what they were. They were very soft, and I used to sleep in those, and then they got rid of those. And then I found something similar at Aritzia, and then they got rid of those, and then I found something on Amazon. So I alternate black, white, sometimes gray, and then I get the same pajama pants from Target. Again, they're super soft, they're like that Auden brand. And I just have like two or three of the same pair of pajama pants, and I just rotate those. And what's nice about having a solid color, especially like black or gray or you know, whatever, is that sometimes as you're doing different loads of laundry, you are not going to be able to mismatch if a lot of your stuff is neutral. So let's say you do a load of whites, and then you go to bed that night, and you've got, you know, your black pajama pants, and then the only load of laundry you got done was white. And so your child now has a white onesie that he can get up and play in tomorrow. And then you've got a white tank top, and then you also have white burp claws, and you have white washcloths, et cetera, et cetera. Maybe, you know, you've got a couple of white tank tops that are workout tank tops or white sports bras. And so when you go to sleep at night, even if you're by yourself and no one cares, you're wearing, you know, it's not like you're wearing like purple pants and a red tank top, you know, because sometimes mentally when you're trying to piece stuff together, it can mess with you because you're just like, oh, I didn't even get to wash the black stuff today. And, you know, so now I'm wearing one color of pants and, you know, or two different prints that don't go together. And that just makes me feel like a failure when it comes to laundry. So mentally, I tell people, okay, the less that you own during this time, and I will tell you, you may eventually become a true minimalist like I am. But I'm telling you, if you can get through this season, then you can start doing other things. If you want, you know, to buy more clothes so that you have more date night outfits, if you want to buy cuter pajamas, if you want to buy cuter bras, but I look at it as I am not with anyone. I'm not dating. I don't want to date. Like, and I have dated. I was in a one-year relationship that ended a year ago. So two years ago, I met someone. We were together for a year, and then we've been apart for a year, and I did date someone a little one, uh, I did date someone a little bit last summer. Super sweet guy, super cute, took a job near Chicago, and he's in a contract for like the next, I don't know, three or four years. And I'm like, well, we'll see what happens. So it there's nothing that I'm eager to do in the dating world right now because it's just, it's just a mess. So what I will say for single moms is if you can organize based on what you truly need, your life is gonna be not only so much easier and so much more functional, but it's gonna be so much more peaceful. Because if all you have to worry about is, okay, right now I'm gonna wash a load of whites. Right now I'm gonna wash a load of black stuff. I'm gonna wash some towels, I'm gonna wash some sheets. And then I know with my son, he has more blue. So sometimes I wash black and blue together. So I'll wash like some leggings of mine, like maybe two pairs of my leggings, and then maybe he has like navy blue pajamas, and then, you know, like a couple of blue under armor shirts, and then some black shorts. And so I can mix all that together and we're both taken care of. And with the kids, even though they get messy, it's not like they're really sweating, you know, like when you get older and you sweat, especially like men, when men sweat, those are some things that you have to kind of wash separate because then everything becomes kind of grungy as it washes with that stuff, right? So sometimes you have to wash an adult's clothing separate, and that's something that you don't have to worry about. So let me go ahead and move forward to food. One thing that I do with food is that instead of trying to keep everything stocked, and I talked about this in the episode titled The Art of Honest Organizing, and when we talked about groceries, I think it's more important to keep stuff at home that is more costly when you get it out, like at a fast food place, or if you're eating out drinks, desserts, snacks. Because if you're stuck at home, you definitely want some stuff to eat. That's where I try to keep maybe two different meal options. So I may have like one frozen food item. Like I like Amy's, like the enchiladas, I like Evol, that EVOL. They've got, you know, a couple of pasta things that I like. I'll have a couple of those things, and maybe I'll have some turkey, and maybe I'll have some like protein pasta in the cabinet. Sometimes I'll make that and I'll mix it up with like just some olive oil and salt and pepper. I don't even mess with the sauce. I literally just do fat and protein, and it's a carb. You know, obviously it's a it's a pasta, it's a carb. But I kind of learned that if you get too much at the store and maybe your child's going through a phase where he's like, oh, I don't feel like any of that. You know, like maybe he gets stuck on a hamburger from McDonald's. And I know some of you are gonna be like, oh, here we go, like fast food queen. Let me tell you a quick story about my mom. My mom was a single mom. She did not cook at all. Where I actually cook and prepare stuff at times. My mom was the fast food queen for sure. And we went to the bank one time and we were in the drive-thru. And that's when, you know, of course, they sent the little canister out and they would talk through the speaker. And so my mom pulled up, and I think she actually pulled up to the first window because the little thing popped out and the girl could see me through the window. And I think she was getting ready to ask my mom if I wanted a sucker. And so my mom rolled down my window so that the girl could ask me if I wanted a sucker. And I said, I'll just have a hamburger and fries because I thought we were at a fast food window. So when people want to give me a hard time as a single mom for going and getting fast food, just know that when I was a kid, I thought the bank was McDonald's. Okay. So cut yourself some slack. I say this from one single mom to another. People will give you a hard time about what you feed your child. They will give you a hard time about using paper plates sometimes, about using plastic utensils. They will give you a hard time if you don't always pack the most balanced lunch. I know for my child, a lot of the things that he likes doesn't always keep in a lunchbox. And that was frustrating for me because I felt like the teachers and the principal and the lunch ladies would judge if he only had like a banana and goldfish crackers. And I'm trying to think of some of the things that we put in there when he went to school. Yeah, it was it was usually like a couple of snacky things. Oh, like blueberries. He really liked blueberries and those kept really well in his lunchbox. So it would be like blueberries, a banana, goldfish, and then, you know, he would take his water bottle, and then every so often, like maybe once every two weeks at school, they would have cheese pizza or something. But it's tough. It's tough because some of these school systems, maybe on Tuesday, the only thing that they're fixing is pasta. And he doesn't eat pasta. When he's at home, he likes chicken tenders, but he likes the ones that we make, like the ones that we get from Kroger. And so kids can be very tough, especially if you're a single mom, because you're like, okay, budget-wise, what do I buy for them? Because sometimes they change their mind or they feel like something else. So one thing that I started doing was I get a bag of his chicken tenders. I get the blueberries, I get maybe three bananas because they go bad pretty quickly. And I only eat one, I don't know, maybe a couple times a week. And so I get the blueberries, the chicken tenders, the bananas. He loves goldfish crackers. And so I've actually got a little stash in his room where when we come back, he goes in and fills those up. He loves his Dasani water. He's very specific about that. And so I get those things for him. And then I would say twice a week, I pick up a pizza from Little Caesars. He loves just their hand-tossed cheese pizza. It's like $6.99. And so I'll pick that up and I'll maybe have one piece. And it's normally like on day two or three, if we're just trying to like finish it off before it really starts getting rubbery. But I'll get him a $7 pizza. He'll eat two pieces right away as soon as we get home. The next day at lunch, he usually has a couple pieces. And then the next day, he may have like one piece. But that covers a lot of meals for him. And he is always going to eat it. When it comes to vegetables and all of that, we actually just had a situation where he was having some really, really bad pain in his side, and he doesn't eat a lot of vegetables. And we learned the hard way after going to the doctor, an expensive trip, that you know, he has to eat more vegetables. And so we also have like a fiber gummy. He's already taken magnesium. So, as far as keeping things stocked, this is kind of where I'm going with this as far as the organizing part of it. Keep your life simple. If you're somebody who, like maybe your car is broken down and you're not getting out as much, maybe you don't have a car. Maybe it takes a while to get to the grocery store. And so you really want to stock up, unless you fall in that category. If you're somebody that passes a Whole Foods every day, you know, you pass a Target or a Walmart, or you live around a lot of food and a lot of options. He and I can actually walk across the street and go to a few places. Unless you have to do a lot to be able to go get food, I would say try to keep either breakfast items at home, snack items, and like I said, drinks and desserts. That has really helped me because I noticed I was spending a lot more money buying groceries because we were gone a lot. And sometimes we were traveling, sometimes we were just gone most of the day. And obviously, you know, I'm not going to drive 30, 40 minutes back home just to feed him and feed myself. So there are times that we will stop and pick something up. And so when I really sat down and looked at everything, I'm like, you know, it's better for me and my budget and time to just go ahead and make sure that I always have the basics for him, the snacks, the fruit, all of that. And then we'll go pick up a pizza. Or, you know, we get rewards from Burger King. And so sometimes it's cheaper to get him a hamburger and fries. Like I said, a hamburger and fries, like I used to ask for. Sometimes I can get that for $2.99 because I've got enough points where they're like, okay, you've got enough points, you get this hamburger for free. So again, it's it's tough because some people will give you a hard time and they will say, you know, you shouldn't be doing fast food. You shouldn't be doing the paper plate. You shouldn't be doing the plastic utensils. I think that having a balance is the best way to do it because most people who will give you advice are part of a two-person household. And a lot of times people without kids will give you advice. And so don't listen to any of it. I'm here to tell you that what I think worked for me in that category, food and clothes, was every so often I will get on Amazon and buy a new pair of leggings. Okay. It's usually because one of my current pairs has a hole in it, or maybe I need more that, you know, like for the summer, maybe I need another pair that isn't as long. And, you know, because it's really hot. And then maybe in the winter I get a pair that are lined with fleece. But since I work for myself, since I don't have a lot of functions to go to, since I'm not dating, like all of this stuff is like a conscious decision that for me right now, I want to focus on myself. I want to focus on my work, I want to focus on my child, and I want to focus on my home. And that's a lot. And so for those of you sitting there thinking, how in the world am I going to make time for dating or make time for fun? Or, you know, maybe you want to go meet your friends for brunch, maybe you want to go meet someone for a drink. I will tell you that at some point you may sit down and say, I actually think it's better for me right now if I don't have. Have somebody else in my life. If I, you know, if it's just me and my child, that may actually work out better for me. And I'm sorry I haven't talked as much about the other moms, but part of inviting you to this episode was just hearing me talk to the single moms and you being able to relate to some of it because some of you are left home alone a lot. Maybe your husbands are working, maybe they're in the military, uh, maybe they're just gone a lot. You know, maybe you work on a farm, maybe they're linemen. Um, and so there are a lot of moms out there that financially have someone, but in terms of finding ways to budget, they're like, okay, I I need I need some more tips. So I think I'm gonna end this part here today. And like I said, I actually want to do three different parts. So I'll just make this three different episodes. So this is gonna be the budget episode when we talk about food and clothes. When we come back for the next episode, we're gonna talk about keeping things balanced between money and time. So that's where we're gonna shift between, okay, we talked strictly about budget. We talked strictly about two of the biggest categories when it comes to making purchases, food and clothes. We're gonna shift into money versus time in the second episode, and then in the third episode of this series, we're gonna talk about stress and health. We're gonna try to keep that monitored. So episode one has to do with budget, episode two has to do with balance, and then episode three, we're just gonna call that beauty, but it really has to do with budgeting, balancing, and monitoring. And I think that if you can put a lot of things in one of those three categories, it's really gonna help you. And I do pray for you. I know some of you aren't Christian and you don't like when people say that to you, but one thing I will say that as a single mom, there have been a couple of times where either my car is broken down or I've just needed some help because I, you know, I was supposed to be somewhere, like I was supposed to be on set to work. And obviously that would result in a paycheck and I didn't have child care, and someone swooped in and helped me out at the last minute, you know. And so I will tell you, there have been different times where people have noticed that I have struggled and they're like, I really want to pray for you. What I want to say to you, whether you like it or not, is I will pray for you that this time, this season for you does not last very long because I know that some people can handle it better than others. I was an only child. I had a single mom growing up. Okay. When I got out of college, I lived by myself. I have been by myself a lot since I was a child. And so I do feel at times that this is just a better setup for me, even though eight years doing it by myself is a very, very long time. But I do feel like being honest about that is only gonna be helpful for you because maybe you're going on year three or year four, and you're like, you know, some things are getting easier because it's just me, and I don't have to worry about somebody else's opinion in the household. Um, and then I think some of you are also thinking, okay, when is this gonna end? For me, I think my situation could have ended after two years or three years. It's just that I could not see myself marrying the person that I was dating. Um, because I did date somebody after, you know, at the two-year mark, I dated somebody that wanted to get married. I just really thought long and hard and felt like, okay, yeah, this person would be really good for my child. This person is really crazy about me, but I just can't do that to him. I just do not feel the same way. And then at the four-year mark, I'm trying to think. At the four-year mark, I met somebody and was told that I needed to move to Florida. Um, I think that was at the four-year mark. I'm trying to keep it all together. There was one person that was like, okay, move to Florida and I'll take care of you and your son. But he was really mean. And so I was like, no, no. And I was like, and we're done. Like, this is ridiculous. Um, and then I met somebody else who lived here, and you know, that person was really sweet and wanted to get married. And I'm like, I just don't think this is fair. And then the last person that I dated seriously, we had talked about getting married, but he hadn't been out of his last marriage uh for very long. And there were just a lot of other red flags. And um let me just say this, ladies. If you are a single parent and you meet someone, and right off the bat, you get a really bad feeling about them, even if you can't put your finger on it, they're very charismatic, they've got a good family, um, they have this big sob story as to why their marriage didn't work out and how it was everyone else's fault. Just know that going with the feeling will save you a lot of time. Okay. A lot of time. So, with all that said, the reason I'm putting so much out there is because being a single mom is not the end. It really isn't. Sometimes it is what is gonna get you the most organized, and it's gonna get you in control of your life. And so, for those of you who are struggling, maybe you're just like three months into this. Maybe you're just a year into this, and you're like, I just don't know how I can keep going like this. It's hard to keep everything, it's hard to, you know, hard to keep the house organized, hard to keep the schedule together and the finances. And I will tell you, I don't have everything perfectly figured out, but I am unfortunately a pro at it. And that's why I wanted to come home and immediately get on this because it's something I've been thinking about for a long time. I thought I could record it and just one full swoop and be like, this is just gonna be a single episode. I'm just gonna give some tips. But as things kind of unfolded as I got closer to recording, I was like, I do think there's a lot to talk about. And I do think it's gonna be its own series. And this whole series will be in the regular podcast. It will not be behind a paywall. And I'm not saying that everybody else should pay for their series, it's just that the last thing I want to do for single moms is make you pay for one more thing. Okay. What I encourage you to do is if you listen to the whole series and it helps you, the way that you can pay me back is to go leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. Go subscribe on YouTube, go watch my videos, just encourage other single moms, help other single moms, share your stories if you want to put it in the comments, especially on YouTube. Um, this series may or may not be on there, but you can certainly go in and leave comments on the show. And um, you can email me at labeledorganizing at gmail.com. Any feedback you can give me would be great. But I think that what we're doing here in episode one, I think is enough for you to think about right now. I think actually getting rid of some of the sizes that no longer fit your child or no longer fit you is a good place to start. So not only do you want to get to be more of a minimalist, but you also want to try to get rid of stuff as quickly as possible. Now, if you think you're gonna go back down um to the next size, then definitely for yourself, keep everything that's one size below you right now. And then for your child, keep everything that's one size above. Okay. Everything else I would sell or donate. Even if you got gifts at the baby shower, sometimes people will come in at a baby shower and give you clothes that are two years old. And I think in their mind they're thinking, okay, yeah, she's gonna end up getting a ton of three-month, six-month, nine-month baby clothes. But then having clothes for two-year-olds when you have a newborn doesn't really make sense either. So again, you thank them, you know, you send the thank you note. And obviously, you can't send a picture of your child wearing it when they're a newborn. So um, you just send a thank you, you appreciate the effort. And then if you need to sell it, like if you need to put it on eBay or take it to a secondhand kids store to make some money, again, don't feel bad about that. This is the one thing I will tell single moms as we wrap up today. Don't feel like you have to accept someone else's help when it really doesn't help you. Sometimes people think they are helping, and you can certainly thank them for trying. Um, and you don't have to make it obvious. You can just say, thank you. That was so nice of you. You know, if they make you food and you don't like it, give it to someone else or throw it away. You know, if someone makes you a casserole and it doesn't taste good, throw it away. Or if someone else, you know, like if someone else is staying with you, like if your mom comes to visit, maybe your mom will eat it. But don't feel like you have to accept every single gift because you feel like it's rude. You have to do what's best for you. If there's certain things you want to eat, you don't want to eat. If your kid wants to eat, can't eat, um, there's certain formulas my child couldn't have. And so I had to go buy an expensive formula in order to stop breastfeeding because that's what I had to do at like the four-month mark. I just could not do it anymore. So I know we talked about new moms, we talked about single moms. Um, for those of you who aren't single but feel single, um, in the next episode when we talk about money and time, I feel like we are gonna get to you a little bit more, but I'm sure that you can relate even with the food and clothing part of it, because really during this time, you don't want to be spending a lot of money. And there's really no reason to. Um, what we spent our money on, I would try to have a couple of cute outfits where if we went to church on Sunday, that was the time that we actually put on nicer clothes. Or, you know, I would get a nicer workout outfit if there was a Saturday that I wanted to go work out. I played golf on a league for a little bit when my son was like closer to two. And so I did go buy like a couple of cute like golf shirts. And then when I did play with the league and I spent whatever it was, $15 or $20 to play for that day, that was kind of like my fun money. Um, but for the most part, we were just at home. We watched Thomas the Train, you know, we watched Daniel Tiger, um, lots of movies, lots of, you know, interactive toys. Um, kids love, you know, dolls and stuffed animals and music boxes and things that make noise and TV and all that stuff. So I remember that phase very, very well. And even though it can be sad and lonely, it is just a phase. And they get older and then they want to do different things. They go play sports and then you're out of the house more. And so for the new moms, just know that that's a season of life that at some point you're not gonna be home all the time. So, you know, with the clothes and the money, and I'm sorry, with the clothes and the food. So with the clothes and the food, you know, those are ways that you can kind of get more of a handle on the budget part of it. And if you're a single mom for sure, you know, try to keep things to where when you're doing laundry, both you and your child are getting taken care of. And so you you both always have something clean. And get the snacks that you like, get the snacks that he or she likes, get the drinks if there's dessert, ice cream. That's usually cheaper than trying to get it out. But lately I've been getting more meals out and then splitting them in half. And that's actually saved me a lot of money because I'm not throwing away a lot of groceries that I'm not using. And so that's something to think about too. And we're gonna talk more about that in the second part of the series. But for now, I think that's enough. Um, I think that you just do what works for you. And hopefully I can throw in some tips along the way and help you through to the next season that you're gonna be in with your child, and so you can actually relax a little bit and enjoy your time with them and not stress so much. Um, again, that'll be the third episode. But, you know, you just keep doing what you're doing and then just try to improve on things as you go, and that's really the best that any of us can do as parents. I hope this episode was helpful. Please make sure to go to YouTube, like I said before, and subscribe to Labeled Organizing on the YouTube channel. If you do have an extra $3 a month and you do want to subscribe to the bonus content, we do have other series. If this is helping you and you want to go explore the moving series or the travel series, um, we've also got some earlier episodes that are now only part of the bonus content. You have access to that whole catalog, so feel free to pay the $3 and utilize as much as you can over the next month, and then you can cancel it, and you can always come back later when you've got more resources and when things look a little bit different. So, other than that, I hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend, and I will see you in the next episode.