127. Organizing for Single Moms (and those who feel like one) - Part Two

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In part two of this three-part series for single moms, I focus on "time and balance" and give examples of how we can invest some of our time into certain things to figure out a system - and save time in the long run. We talk time SAVERS and how to structure work at home vs errands outside of the home. Ultimately, this episode is about, "How do we organize to make our life easier?" while still making time for the things we enjoy. 

Transcript

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In part one of organizing for single moms, we talked a lot about budget. We talked about how you can save time, save money on clothes, on food, as far as trying to keep your palate neutral as far as colors. That way you can wash a lot of your stuff along with your child's stuff when it comes to food, ordering in a mobile app, being part of a rewards program, doing whatever works best for you in your situation. If you haven't listened to that episode, I encourage you to go back and listen to it. You don't have to do it right away. This episode can stand alone. But I do think it's important to listen to all three parts because they're all going to be interconnected. And I think when you look at the whole thing under one umbrella, it's going to help you make some decisions that will be best for you in your situation. Now, again, I'm not just talking to single moms. I'm talking to all parents who feel like a single parent. And you don't necessarily have to be in a single parent situation co-parenting with someone who lives in another household. There are lots of different situations where one person feels like they're carrying the bulk of the load, and the other person may or may not be doing their part. Maybe the focus, and maybe this is something that you guys decided on early on, was that one parent was going to go out and earn the money and provide in that way. And maybe they're gone a lot. Maybe their purpose leads them to doing something where they have to travel a lot. And again, we talked about there's a lot of parents in the military. There's a lot of parents who are police officers and ER surgeons. And so I'm not just gearing this towards a true single mom, which is what I am, but also to the parents who feel like they're alone sometimes, because the solution isn't always to hire someone to help you. And I will tell you, going into this part two, when we talk about more time and balance, is that sometimes hiring somebody to help you actually makes things worse. Because even after you've shown someone what you want them to do, maybe you feel comfortable leaving your child with them so that you can go out and do stuff. You know, maybe you've budgeted to where you can have some help. Sometimes when you get down that path a little ways, you look back and you say, you know what? I spent money for someone else to spend time with my child while I went out and did the things that I could have outsourced to that person. And then when I think about it, did I even need to hire someone to do that? Or could I have used DoorDash or Instacar or shipped? Could I have ordered it from Amazon and had it delivered? Could I have, you know, asked someone to go do something for me? Maybe there's a friend or family member that says, I really want to help you. What can I do? And maybe you say, Hey, can you go drop this off at the post office? Now there are times that you want the time to yourself. You need the time to yourself. And so that's where I can relate to someone who is not a single parent but feels like one, because that was the first four years of being a parent for me, was being at home with my child full-time and not feeling like I ever had a break. But then again, when I took a break, sometimes I would come back and things would be almost worse than how I left them because the people who came to help me, the people that I would hire, just weren't really doing the things that helped me out. There was one girl that I hired. She seemed really sweet. And we did have a baby cam. And she knew there was a baby cam. It wasn't like I was, you know, being secretive. I said, listen, there's a baby cam. I just want to make sure if anything happens that, you know, we notice it. And in that situation, we actually left for the evening. She was there. She was sitting on the couch on her phone. And that was around the time that my child was like pulling himself up on the couch, like from the floor, grabbing onto a couch cushion and then pulling himself up. And we noticed, we actually looked in on the cam when we were at dinner. And she was on her phone. She wasn't paying attention. And he pulled himself up and then he immediately fell back and knocked his head against the carpet. We kind of looked at each other because, you know, at some point she looked over, and, you know, you could tell that he was crying. And then she kind of, you know, shot up and was like, oh, and went over to him, almost like, oh, what happened? And that really stuck with me because if the camera hadn't been there, or if we just had gone out for the night and didn't look in, and I didn't look back at the camera footage, I feel like that was one of those situations where it's like, okay, we paid somebody to stay with our child. And she even said in her interview that she was a very present babysitter that she would make sure she played with him and she wasn't doing stuff to distract herself. And, you know, so there were all these things she kind of promised. And then once we left, then it was almost like, okay, I'm gonna be on my phone or I'm gonna work on schoolwork, which was something else that she did. So listen, I know that we can't expect a lot out of babysitters. I I think that there are some people that are just really, really good at it and they want to play with your child. They want to play games with them, they want to snuggle with them, you know, they want to make sure that they're fed and they're put down to bed at a certain time. There are some babysitters that are very, very maternal and who enjoy that. And then there are others that are just looking for a summer job or a part-time job. And again, there's nothing wrong with somebody physically being there. I mean, that's kind of the core foundation of having a babysitter, is you have somebody there in case something happens. But you also want someone present. And so I went through a few babysitters. I actually ended up finding a fabulous babysitter who also ended up being my assistant in my organizing business and took on some of the cleaning stuff. So right before COVID, I had this person that was kind of a do-it-all kind of a person, and she was great. And I've mentioned her before that, you know, after COVID, we all kind of went separate ways. She went back to Kentucky, we went back to Indiana for a while, and so it just naturally dropped off. But I think about her often because what I was looking for was somebody that would intuitively know what I needed. Somebody who could physically help me, like all hands on deck, like, hey, I'll watch him, you go do that, or I'll go do that so that you can take him to the play place that, you know, you're gonna sign him up for a class, or I will go run this errand. And so she was really, really great. But I think about how if I had just settled for the babysitter who didn't pay attention, then I wouldn't have found this great person who helped me through a lot of different phases in, I would say probably a two-year period. I think taking the time sometimes to invest in having good people around you. And it wasn't that the first girl wasn't a good person. She just wasn't a good fit. And I know in this age of people calling out quote unquote Karen's, if you complain about something or you're not happy with something, a lot of people will say, Oh, here we go. Here's another Karen. But what I encourage you to do is to look at things from a really honest perspective, right? You're looking at it as, okay, this is what I really need. I really need somebody who wants to come in and be part of the family and help me out with a lot of different things. And it's not just a job for them. If you're someone that's like, listen, I just need someone to physically be here so I can go do my job. I really don't care what they do with my child because, you know, at the end of the day, I just have to be able to work, then that's honest for you and your situation. And I really do think you have to customize the help that you get to your current situation. If you need to talk to your spouse and say, listen, I love you and I know that you provide for us financially, but I'm gonna need some help. I feel like a single parent sometimes. And that just doesn't work for me. And that didn't work for me either during that time because, like I've mentioned in other podcast episodes, there were times that Friday would roll around and all of my mom friends would be like, Oh, thank goodness it's Friday. My husband's gonna come home and I can go out with the girls, or I can get up and go to the gym without having to take my child to, you know, the playcare in the gym. I can go run errands without a screaming child in the grocery cart. So they would tell me these things, like, I'm so glad it's the weekend. And I'm like, well, I really don't care that it's Friday because I am not going to get a break. That's just not how we operate, which I had a problem with. And I expressed to him that I never get a break. And, you know, without saying too much about my child's father, his biggest thing was he did way, way too much where he was always spinning his wheels and some of his decision making, it took a few tries to get something right. And so instead of allowing me to help him with certain things, it was like, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, you know, I'll take care of this. I need to go make the money. And so in this episode, I want to talk about time and balance. And if you are a true single mom, and that doesn't mean true single mom in the sense of the father isn't around. It just means you have your own household. It doesn't mean you don't get child support, it doesn't mean that they don't come pick up their child for every other weekend, or maybe you do a 50-50. But running a whole household by yourself and financially by yourself is very, very difficult. That's the distinction that I want to make is that you have to do enough to pay bills for an entire household. But then if you also have your child the majority of the time, then that's also a priority. That's why this series was so important for me to record, because a lot of people are never ever going to understand your situation unless there's somebody else who not only has been in it, but who has been through some of the critical points in this process. And like I said, my child was four when I became a single mom. And now he is 12. And so I have been through a lot of critical moments that I want to be able to pass along. And I know we talked about clothes and I know we talked about food, and I really just scratched the surface. I mean, there's still so much more I can talk about. But I want to give you guys this short three-part series and at least get you started in a direction where you feel like you're not drowning all the time. Trust me, there will still be times that you feel like you're drowning, but you at least have a compass, you at least have a lighthouse that you can swim towards, okay? Without sounding too cheesy. Think of it that way. Think about I'm drowning, but at least I've got something to get my bearings and I can work towards something. So, part two, time and balance. Let me just tell you about my morning. My morning did not go as planned. Part of the reason that I'm irritated right now is because of a food issue. One thing that has saved me time is the fact that my son really likes a certain chicken tender. And anytime I go to get this chicken tender, I get like two or three bags at a time. And anytime we're home and we don't have pizza or we don't have blueberries or bananas or anything else that he likes, he'll say, you know what, I'm fine just having like a chicken tender or a couple of chicken tenders. And so as far as time and as far as stress level, which in the third episode, we'll talk about health and stress. Don't worry. Um, but as far as helping me out with time, these chicken tenders have been a lifesaver. So a couple of weeks ago, I go to get a bag and the Kroger that I go to is out of them. And I'm like, well, this sucks. I guess I'm gonna have to go to the other Kroger, but you know, we'll do that on the way home. And so I that day I went and picked him up from his dad at Target, but Target no longer carried them. So that's why I was always going to Kroger to get them. Or I would pop into Publix and sometimes they would have them. So I pick him up from Target, knowing that I can't go in there and get them. Then we go down to a different Kroger that's on the way home, and I go in and they're not there. And now there's a different chicken tender that I noticed at the other Kroger, but I just thought that was just a new item. I didn't realize it was replacing the one that we liked. And I was like, oh my gosh, I have to now make the decision to either go everywhere and try to find another bag, or I've got to find a substitute. And we had done that before, trust me. There were times that his was out, I would grab a different brand or a different type, and he would take one bite and go, ooh. And then I would taste them and be like, oh, you know what I mean? It's not like he's being unreasonable. It's like, oh yeah, that is a little bit spicier of a seasoning, or that doesn't have the same texture. Like that looks more like a fish stick than a chicken tender. So this has been a complete hassle. And I know it sounds like a first world problem, but when you're a single parent and you have something that works, and then all of a sudden that is taken from you, like last minute, it's like, what are we gonna do now? So when I was at the second Kroger, I was like, okay, there's still one more that I can go to. We have to pass our house. But once we are there, then we just turn back around and it's like another five minutes. So let's do that. Let's just see if for some reason that store has like the last bag. And then if we can at least get our hands on one bag, then we have time and I have the mental capacity to deal with this like in two or three days from now. So I went to the third Kroger. They didn't have it. They had that stupid new chicken tender that I was like, I don't want to even try this because it doesn't even look like on the bag, it didn't even look like his old chicken tender. So this was taking me a lot of time that day, and I was very frustrated. And I ended up grabbing a different type of chicken tender. I actually grabbed a different brand that was promoting it as the same type. And I thought, okay, this one was a certain breaded whatever, and that's what this one is. Maybe he'll be okay with that. And we went home and he tried it, and he was like, uh. And I said, but can you stomach it? Like, I mean, because we've got we've got to figure out something. And he's like, it just doesn't really taste like anything. And he's not somebody that likes dips, you know, he won't do like a ranch or a honey mustard. So it's like he really tastes whatever that product is. And I'm like, if you can just do this for now, just do this for now, and then I'll go grab you a pizza. The other thing we've been running into, and this is the fight that I dealt with this morning, is that his dad makes hamburgers at his house that he loves. Well, he's making them in a skillet and he's smoking up the kitchen, and he lives in a little house, and we're back in an apartment. And like last week, someone set off the smoke alarm. So the entire building has to evacuate. And so, one thing I'm trying not to do here is cook his hamburgers the way that I used to, because the kitchen's gonna get smoky. I don't want to set off the fire alarm. I mentioned in another episode we went and got an air fryer because I heard that I could fix them in there and they would be great. What I've run into is it's drying them out a little bit too much. And I've tried different settings and I've tried different temperatures. And so this has become a full-blown project. And I just don't have time for it, to be honest. But again, there has to be a balance of there has to be some stuff that we fix at home. And there are things we have options when we're out, like fast food or you know, being able to pick up something quick or having something that's like a treat. Like when we go to the mall, he really likes the soft pretzels at the mall. And so there are times that he just wants a snack, we're near the mall. I'm like, hey, I've got to pick something up anyway. Let's just go in and get you a soft pretzel. And then we're both happy because I ran an errand, he got a pretzel, and then that's probably gonna hold him over for like an hour and a half or something until the next meal. So you have to find the balance without wasting your time. Now, there are times that you've got to spend the time to figure out what works for you. And the reason this is so important is because part of being a single parent is trying to find a routine that works for you on a daily basis, for the most part, to where you can focus on the other things you need to focus on, like doing your job or helping your child with school, or you know, visiting family or picking up things for back to school, which of course we're gonna talk about that soon. So this is where I'm at on the time issue and the food issue, is that when we're out, we don't have any problem. We have a couple places that we can stop in on. Like, for instance, he's fine with KFC chicken tenders. It's not my favorite choice in the world, but he will eat them, he's fine with them. So if we're out, he either likes a hamburger from Burger King or he will eat KFC chicken tenders. And then, of course, he's fine with the pizza that I pick up at Little Caesars. So we do have options when we're out. It used to be years ago when he was little, and this is another thing for you moms that feel like single moms that are home all the time. It used to be a bigger hassle to go out because he was fine with the things that I fixed at home. But then when we went out, he didn't like any of the fast food places. He didn't like anything we could pick up quick. So then I felt like I had to prepare stuff all the time and take it with us. So trust me, there's a battle at different ages where you're like, I just need things to be easy. And for the single parents, especially, you have to find that sweet spot where you are comfortable with the options that you have. So, yes, our world is turned upside down a little bit right now, but we do have other options. And so for me, when it comes to the time and the balance of where we're at right now, I am pushing all of that aside because he doesn't like any of the chicken tenders, but he's fine with the hamburgers that I'm making in the new air fryer. Now, I'm still trying to figure out if I like the air fryer, but what I do like is that it does solve the problem of I'm not gonna have a smoky kitchen, I'm not gonna set off the fire alarm. That's a win for me. So it's something that he will eat. It may not be as good as his dad's, but it does work for both of us. Which again, when we talked in the last episode about laundry, if you're only able to wash a load of white stuff that day, and you've got a white tank top in there, and you've got white burp claws, and he has white onesies, and there's also white towels and white washclaws, then you have a top to wear, he has a onesie to wear, you have a burp cloth you can throw over your shoulder, you've got a white towel that you can go take a shower, you know. So that's a win for those of you who have younger kids. If you have older kids and they're in sports, sometimes throwing in a couple of your things with their sports items. You know, if they've got blue or black sports clothes, uniforms, and you've got black leggings and you need black socks, then you throw all that in together and it saves you time. And so those are the types of things that you really want to work towards at this phase of life. Again, you may date, you may find someone who's great, you may decide to get remarried, or you know, maybe you just have somebody in your life that you're not ready for that stage yet, but they come over frequently and they're helping you out. They help you, you know, bring in groceries, they help you cook, they help you as far as taking your child out and hitting the ball with them. You know, those are all things that as you go along, those are little wins. You've got someone in your life that you're happy spending time with. And then your child is also spending time with someone if you're ready for that stage. But if you don't have that and you don't have a lot of family around, which is our case, then sometimes it's good to cut back and say, I may not have the cutest clothes right now. I may not have, you know, the biggest budget to go out to eat. But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna focus on making sure that he has a handful of things that he will always eat at home. That I have maybe two or three things that I will always eat, even if they're not my favorite at home. And then with the time and the balance, I don't like to cook. And again, I have in this particular situation a request that I don't want, you know, smoke in my kitchen. I don't want a bunch of grease in my kitchen. But I want to be able to offer him certain things to eat at home. And so again, I found a solution, at least for right now. It may not be a permanent solution, but after today, it's gonna save me time because I decided today when he bit into the hamburger and he's like, Yeah, it's fine. I was like, I'll take quote unquote, yeah, it's fine for right now. I don't have to make the best hamburger in the world. I just need him to eat it. And I don't need him to eat it all the time. It's just when we're at home. Which brings me to the other point that I want to make in this episode in regards to time and balance. It's a mistake that I used to make quite a bit. And today's one of those days where I was reminded that yes, once I switched over to this level of thinking, my life became a lot easier. And that is if you are working from home and your child's at home, and so this may be your situation for the summer, if you either enjoy being at home or you work from home, or there are projects that you need to work on at home, and your child is at home and he's occupying himself and he's fine, and you're feeding him here and there, and you know, you're taking time throughout the day to check in on them. And, you know, maybe you say, Hey, let's go out and take a walk, you know, stuff like that. As long as you are both fine with being at home, don't feel like you have to go out. Like you have to get in the car and go somewhere. I will tell you that I was not the kind of mom that enjoyed doing the mom groups. I didn't enjoy running errands every day. I did it because I felt like, okay, if we do stuff at home until one o'clock, and then we hop in the car and we either go run an errand or we go to the playground or we go do something. We go to a coffee shop or restaurant that he wants to go to. Like, let's go do something, let's leave at one, and then we'll try to be home by four so that we're not hitting all of the traffic. And then I can unload groceries and do other things. That became exhausting for me because I didn't like it. I I realized that what helped me with time and balance was having days where we did not leave the house in the car. Maybe we went out to the backyard and played for a little bit, and then when we were done, all we had to do was just walk back in the house. Or maybe we just took a quick walk around the neighborhood. And once we got tired, it's like, okay, once we round this corner, let's just go back in. That is a really realistic snapshot of being a single parent, is that there are people that have to be out and around other people. For me and my personality, I don't really like that. I'm a true homebody, and there's a lot that I want to do at home. And home is also where I prefer to be. This is something that, like I said, is different for everyone. I know that there are moms that are like, I have to go find other moms. I do not want to be at home with all these kids yelling and screaming. I want to do the mom play dates, I want to talk with other moms about stuff, I want the kids to play together. And trust me, I did it. I put a smile on my face and I walked to the playground, and all of our kids played together, and I made small talk with the other moms. And the other thing is that if you're a mom that works and you're hanging out with a lot of moms that don't work, that can almost be frustrating more than it's worth because they're talking about things that you really you have no interest in. Okay. Again, I'm not saying these moms are bad. I'm just saying that everybody has a different experience with the baby phase, with the toddler phase, with the kid phase. And then, you know, earlier on when you're a new parent, you're like, oh, I should get them out and socialize. Sometimes they play well with other kids, and sometimes you're looking at the playground and they're off playing by themselves on the playground. Like they don't even notice that the other kids are there. And then you're sitting there making small talk with people that are focused on things that aren't part of your world. When I first started out hanging out with the moms, it wasn't really a problem because I was a stay-at-home mom, but I also had my business. I had my organizing business, and then I also had a kids brand. And so sometimes they would be like, hey, come with us to go do this. And I'm like, well, I can't today because I'm sewing, or I'm getting ready to go to a market where I'm gonna sell my baby clothes, or, you know, I've got to post this stuff on eBay, or I'm talking to an influencer who is gonna put their baby in my clothes. And so I realized when my child was around two or three that I wasn't your typical mom because I wanted to work, but I was also staying at home. And then I'm kind of popping in and out of these mom groups that, you know, you get the feeling that if you're not at every little thing, you're missing out. And some of them will make you feel like you're missing out. I know that this has been a topic. I think there was a female celebrity that recently wrote an article, and I'm not gonna mention her name. I know who it is, but I'm not gonna mention her name because that's not what this episode is about. But she wrote an article talking about these mom groups and how she always felt left out. Now, putting it out there for the world is totally hurt. That's what she wanted to do. Of course, she's a celebrity, and so somebody paid her to put that out there. She wrote it, she put it out there. A lot of people didn't like it, especially the moms that she was talking about. And it's been like a whole thing. Um, different podcasts that I listen to, people are talking about it. But it is a real thing. It doesn't mean that the mom groups are bad, it doesn't mean that the individual moms had ill intent. It's just a phase of motherhood that you either want to be a part of or you don't. Sometimes you feel like you have to be a part of something, and then other times you're like, I just, I just don't want, I just don't have the energy. And comparing yourself to other moms is something that happens, and sometimes the mom groups help and sometimes they don't. So, what I want you to take away from this episode, again, you need to do what works for you. If you have friends that don't have kids, or you have mom friends who have a different situation than you, don't feel like you have to do what they're doing. They may have good advice from time to time. I think where those groups help is if your child is going through something very specific, like maybe potty training, or maybe it's hard for them to get off the bottle and onto a sippy cup. You know, stuff like that. I found that those mom groups, when I was going through different things like that, they would say, Oh, we tried this and it worked out really well. And I'm like, Oh, I didn't think about that. But guess what? You can also do that on Reddit. You can search for something on Reddit, you can listen to parenting podcast. If you're in your car, if you're like, hey, I want to get out every day. I don't want to go do the mom group thing. I want to be in my car. I'll listen to a podcast about parenting. I'll have my kid in the back. We're gonna take a trip to grandma's house. She's gonna take care of her grandchild for a couple of days, and I'm just gonna sleep. Like, I don't want to talk to anybody. Then that's what you do. You don't worry about what everybody else is doing. And one thing you'll notice about me if you listen to the podcast long enough is a lot of my advice comes from kind of being a loner. It doesn't matter if I'm a parent, it doesn't matter if I'm working, not working, dating, not dating. You still want to be who you are and you still want to try to do the things that you enjoy. So if you are a single parent and your child goes with the opposite parent from time to time, yes, there are times you may want to catch up on work while they're gone. Yeah, there are times that you may want to go grab coffee with somebody, or you may just want to clean without being interrupted. Like there's nothing wrong with that. But you want to try to keep a little sliver of your true self because if you completely lose that while you're parenting, there is a little bit of resentment that you will have. And that never completely happened to me, but there were times that I saw signs of it and I was like, okay, I have to find the balance again. I got my hair cut recently by a girl that is a new mom. I think the child is maybe three months old. And I was like, I really respect you for coming back to work because, you know, I remember where my child was at three or four months, and I remember what I looked like, and I rarely showered. I mean, I showered, but like the way that I looked during the day, like I looked at her and her hair was great. Of course, she's a hairstylist, but her hair was cute, she had makeup on, her nails were done, she was in a cute outfit and she was working. And she was like, Yeah, she goes, I just realized that I had to get back to work. Like I missed it. I love being a parent. I hate leaving my child. But at least for two days a week, three days a week, this is something that I can get up and get dressed for and go do. And then, you know, on my lunch break, I can go grab lunch by myself or grab a coffee, and then I'm making my own money. And so I leave you today with that sentiment that if you feel like you're missing something, you know, like if you used to work a lot and now you're a new parent and you're like, well, should I get back to work? I know people do that, but then I'm leaving my child. If you do find a babysitter who's great, if you do have a nanny, if the other parent is like, hey, if you want to go back to work, I can work from home two days a week. And if our child starts crying during one of my meetings, I just have to tell my team that, hey, it's Tuesday and I've got to go pick my son up from his nap in the other room. You know, he's crying, or I've got to go feed him. And that is the communication that's gonna help you get through the different phases. If you're a single parent and you don't have someone else to lean on, for me, I have been fortunate enough. I have a couple of older clients who have stepped in and who have said, hey, I don't mind helping you out with that. If you need to bring him here, if you need to go do something, we're here to help you. And sometimes that's hard for me to do. I'm thinking, these are my clients. I shouldn't put anything on them. But at the same time, it's like they're offering, you know, and they feel like family and they want to be there for me. And they even say, Listen, we know that you don't have a lot of family around. And it's something that we really enjoy doing. Our kids are grown and we don't get to see our grandchildren as much. And so we want to help. So those are the types of things that as you go along, if you've got coworkers that offer up help, if you have clients, if you're self-employed, if you have people in your building, maybe they say, Hey, I've, you know, I've got kids. If he wants to come hang out with us, you know, those are the things that on a case-to-case basis, you just decide, yeah, that works for me, or no, that doesn't work for me. And then you just kind of go from there. The biggest thing is that you try to find your time savers, but then you also try to find the balance. Some days you just stay home and you knock out as much stuff as you can at home. And then other days, while you're already out in the car, you do everything that you can while you're out in the car. You go get gas, you pass by the donation center and you drop off your donations, you run through a drive-thru and you feed everybody. You run to the storage unit and say, okay, I sold a couple things on eBay and now I've got to pick those up. Okay, now I've got to drop a couple things off at the post office. And you try to do that all at once while they're in the backseat and they're happy. And sometimes they fall asleep, and sometimes you just drive around. But I do think that there is a balance. And I don't think that your life has to look like everyone else's because again, this could be a very short season for you. Even if it ends up being a longer season, it's really good to figure out that balance with just the two of you, or even if you're a single mom with a couple of kids, having that time with them where you figure out what works for the two of you, the three of you, the four of you, and you get into a rhythm that works. And then if somebody else comes into the picture, they just have to understand that listen, this is what works for us. We love having you here. I want to spend time with you, my kids want to spend time with you. But understand that we have been doing things by ourselves for a while. And this is what works for us. And we want you to come in and be a part of that. But you just have to understand that I come first, my kids come first. And that really is a good litmus test when you're meeting new people. If they say, Well, of course, you know, I want to enhance your life. I don't want to come in and tell you what to do or tell your kids what to do. And I say that because I have been in situations before where someone has come in and they've immediately told me, okay, when we're married, your child's gonna do this. Or, oh, they're learning this, this is how they should do it. And it's been very forceful and it's been very jarring. And at the end of the day, once I cut that off and said, no, we're not, we're not doing this anymore. This doesn't work for me. And that person was no longer in my life, then I went back to, okay, now things are peaceful. Now I'm doing things the way that work, you know, for us. And that's what's most important. And so I hope that for all of you who have really struggled with finding time to do certain things or finding a balance that you allow yourself to sit back and say, this is what really works for me, and this is what I really want to do. And these are things I really don't want to do. So I'm just not gonna do them. Now, when it comes to school and stuff like that, sometimes you have to put on a happy face and you have to go hang out with the other school moms, and that's fine. You know, there are also times that you're like, you know, your kid is like, I don't think I want to do that sport anymore. Then you say, Well, I don't really enjoy going to watch that sport, so let's just not do it. And you just decide as a team that that's not something that you're gonna do anymore. You're not gonna waste your time on it. Your child decided he doesn't want to do it. There's other things that he gravitates towards that, you know, make him a little bit more excited and give him a little bit more confidence. And you just slowly start working towards those things. And then again, when you're by yourself, you're like, you know, I've got some time by myself. I think I want to go get my hair cut, or I want to go to the mall without someone asking me to go get a soft pretzel. I want to be able to go look at perfume, I wanna be able to go look at, you know, cozy sweatpants, whatever, without having somebody, you know, tugging at my shirt. So I think that if you combine parts two and parts one of this series and you say, we're gonna be minimalist, you're gonna have three or four pairs of pants, I'm gonna have three or four pairs of pants. We're both gonna wear mostly black with splashes of color. Like we both like wearing blue. Let's both wear a lot of blue and black, or you know, maybe it's white and pink, but you try to get a neutral color palette that's gonna help you with laundry. You try to find the basic things that your child likes to eat, and you always keep those stocked. So maybe it's just five or six things. Don't worry about filling your entire grocery cart with a ton of stuff that could spoil, expire, that your child may not like in a couple months from now. And then you're going into the freezer and you're like, crap, I bought five bags of this and he hates it. Try to keep things minimal. And then as far as your time, try to make sure you're balancing the things that you need to do and the things that you want to do. Take help when it's offered, only if you're comfortable with it. And if you don't want to have a babysitter, don't have a babysitter. I know my child went to a drop-in place that actually worked a lot better for us and it was cheaper. It was a place that I literally could pull up to, go in, sign him in. They're like, when will you be back? So, you know, I would sign him in maybe like at noon, and I'm like, I'll be back at three. And they're like, All right, we'll see you later. And he would go in and play with other kids, and I would just say, Yeah, he's already eaten if he just wants a snack. And then I would go do whatever I needed to do for three hours. I would come back, I would pay the people, take him home. He would be tired. So some kids may do better if they go off to daycare or if they go to some kind of drop-in place, or if they take a certain class. Other kids, they get too wired, or maybe they don't like it, and then it becomes a struggle. Just do whatever works. Do whatever works for you. If there's something within your budget that you both enjoy doing, go do that maybe once or twice a week and find that balance where you're parenting, but you haven't lost the things that make you happy and make you feel creative and make you feel either beautiful or special. And I think that once you find that sweet spot, really try to maintain that for at least six months. If you find something that works, if you find a wardrobe that works, if you find a class that works, if you can get into a routine and keep it for six months, and then at that next mark, reevaluate because either your child has grown or maybe you're bored, then you can reevaluate, but you want to try to almost become monotonous with your daily routine so that you're not constantly reacting, that you're being proactive and you know what works and you know what doesn't work. And really at the end of the day, if you do that, it doesn't even matter what anybody else says. Like that's gonna be your compass. That's gonna be your lighthouse. And you're like, listen, this works for us, and this is what we're gonna do at least for the next three to six months because it brings me peace. I don't have to worry about it. I don't have to think about is my child not gonna like this new thing, which is what we're dealing with now. And so again, I found a solution for this week. I'm putting that aside. I'm not gonna worry about it because I've got other stuff I've got to focus on. And then we can always come back to it later and say, okay, this one thing that drove us crazy, let's tackle it today and figure out what we're gonna do. And then you just move on from there because there are gonna be bigger things you have to worry about. You're gonna have to get your child through different life transitions, and the things that you can really lock in on and get consistent about and keep small and minimal are the things that are gonna save you at the end of the day. All right, I hope this episode was helpful. Please make sure to subscribe to the bonus content if you are able to do it. The minimum contribution is only $3 a month. Make sure to follow us on YouTube and Instagram at labeled organizing. Thank you so much, and I will see you in the next episode.