1v1MeDm: A Dracula Love Story Episode 1: Night of the Zandies

Night of the Zandies – A Halloween Homebrew Comedy

What happens when a legendary vampire wakes up to find his haunted castle turned into a trick-or-treat hotspot? In this hilarious Halloween Homebrew episode, Dracula faces his greatest fear yet: irrelevance. Join us for a fantasy comedy adventure filled with improv comedy, roleplaying, spooky charm, and chaotic storytelling as our undead antihero tries to reclaim his title as the ultimate fright of the night.

Perfect for fans of Dungeons & Dragons, tabletop RPGs, and narrative podcasts with a comedic twist. Whether you're here for the monsters, the mischief, or the melodrama, Night of the Zandies delivers a fang-tastic ride for the whole family through a world where horror meets hilarity.

Chapters

• 2:26 INTRO
• 2:26 Chapter One: Once apron an Evil Castle
• 10:09 ADD BREAK: A Message from a Dwarf
• 12:45 Chapter two: Dracula Fails at Flirting
• 16:33 Chapter Three: The Bat Lab
• 18:38 Chapter Four: It's Time for Halloween!
• 21:16 Chapter Five: The Candy Apocalypse
• 27:22 Outro: Another Perfect Plan

Transcript

Musical Intro.......The Story's Hero song begins to Play.

Male Singer :

Whoa, let me tell you a tale of a brave 

a hero, a man who prevailed through dungeons and castles. 

(Loud record scratch!) 

Player: I don't want to be a hero.

DM: 
What! we just did, a whole song intro and everything for it!

Player:
I know, and it was cool, but I have something else in mind.

DM:
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you don't get to be a bard again. I'm still in therapy from Session Five with that dragon!

Player: 
Hey, I roll the 20. 

DM: 

I know and I'll never forgive you for that. Fine. What do you want to be? 

Player:

Dracula!

DM:

Dracula?

Player:

Yeah

DM:

 there it goes. 20 hours of prep work. I hate you so much. All right, roll dice.

Music Begins to Play.
 
Dracula:  
ah ah ah! Thank you for watching one v1 medium. I hope you enjoy our new and improved content. Be sure to like and follow and check out our music channel as well! ah ah ah!  

Theme Song: A Dracula Love Story

When I woke
from my 100 Year nap, 
my coffin creaked like an old bat trap. 

I stretched my Fang, shook off the dust,

 feeling thirsty, but love was a must.

 I shuffled to the window, grab my bat goggles tight, 

peered at the town in the pale moonlight. 

There she was, 

glowing like a full blood moon. 

A beauty so fine. 

She made my heart swoon. 

Her hair like Raven wings, eyes like midnight stars. 

I fell head over Cape from afar. 

Oh, I'm batty for her. It's love at first bite. 

She sucks the boredom right out of my night.

 I'm dying to meet her, but undead, you see, this van's gotta crush eternally!

(music fades out)

Narrator:   
 Our story begins in a peaceful village where an old friend awakens just in time for the local villages celebration of Halloween. On a hilltop on the outskirts of the village stands an eerie old castle. A coffin creaks open and a pale figure arises.

Player: 
As my character wakes, I call for my trusted Butler,

Dracula:
 Yawns........ahhhhhhh......Igor?! Igor!?

where are you? 

Igor: 

Right behind you, Master,

Dracula:
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

don't scare me like that. Igor, you'll scare me half to death,

Igor 
as you wish. Master, did you have a pleasant bat nap?

Dracula: 
No, not really. I heard a bad Batmare.

Narrator:  
Batmare? seriously? We are only one minute into the story, and the bat puns are already flying.

Player:
hey! My Dracula is a count of less. He will do bat puns and he will not apologize for it.

DM:  
fine. But every time you do it, I'm taking away an XP, 

Player:

fine. If that's what it takes. I accept your conditions.

Igor: 
A Batmare? sir,

Dracula: 
yes. I have a terrible dream. I was once again in bat high, and all the monsters were making fun of me again, cause my vampire teeth were the smallest in school, and the cheerleader I asked out told me she would never be with a man my size.

Narrator:  
I don't think she was talking about his teeth. 

DM:

Hey, none of that. This is a kids show! Don't make me get the bat.

Player: 
You mean the BatBat

DM: 
that's minus one XP for you.

Player: 
It was worth it. 

Narrator:

Dracula turns to Igor.

Dracula:
How long was I sleep for Igor by the way?

Igor:
no long master. Only 100 years, and you woke up just in time for your favorite holiday, Halloween.

Dracula: 
Ah, yes, Halloween, the anniversary of the first Dracula becoming a vampire, don't you know? On, tonight, we always remind the people why they should live in fear of me

Dracula:
about that, sir, during your nap, the villagers began. A new festival to celebrate Halloween. It's not quite how you remember...

Narrator:
Dracula walks over to the window, grabs a pair of nearby binoculars, looks out at the town and notices something strange,

Dracula: 
heresy, I say, Igor. How dare they defile our most sacred tradition. Um idor, why are all the children dressed up like monsters? they can't do that! That's monster appropriation!

Igor:
Yes, Master, that is the new tradition. The children dress up as monsters and go around the village asking for candy. The castle is one of their favorite stops. Now,

Dracula: 
um, Igor, please tell me you have not been giving candy to all the children at the castle door every year while I was asleep.

Igor:
Yes, Master, the whole village gives candy. If we didn't, it would be suspicious.

Dracula 
Well, alright, Igor, I suppose that makes sense. Wait, wait, wait, wait, How'd they get past the hellhounds guarding the front door?

Igor: 
Well, the children love dogs, and seem to have confused the hell hounds for them. They bring treats and toys and have thoroughly tamed them.

Dracula: 
Traitors..........I will deal with them after I've reminded the town.
Why? Why? Hello there...........Who is that?

Narrator:
As Dracula peers down at the village while ranting, he notices a woman standing in the crowd of costume children handing out the candy.

Player:  
Is she hot?

DM:
I don't know, is she give me a perception roll.

Player:

 ..........six

DM:
Oh, you definitely think she's hot, 

Player

sweet..........Wait, think??? Is she actually hot? You need to tell me, man, I don't want another troll scenario. I can't take that again!

DM:
Well, you think she is, in other words, you totally have bad eyes for her. 

Narrator:

DM. I'm only telling you this once because I like you and you pay for my drinks. Do not betray me. I don't want to have to write your name down in the book that

Igor:
reminds me. Be sure to renew your eternal library card, my friend,

Narrator:
like I'm going to be using that anytime soon, plus those Banshee librarians give me the creeps.

DM:
Hey, can we focus please and get back to the story?

Narrator: 
Fine fine. You're the one paying the tab, after all. But no more bat puns. Igor turns to Dracula and follows his gaze. 

Igor
That would be the Butcher's Daughter, my lord

Dracula:
Igor, grab my cloak. I am going to town!

Igor:

For what reason master?

Dracula:

 To kidnap Earth and bring her back to my castle. She shall be my vampire bride!

Igor:
decided to finally settle down. Master?

Dracula:

 I'm 2472 years old. I can't stay young forever Igor.

Igor:
Is kidnapping though the best way to win her heart, Master, I know that was your father and your grandfather's go to plan for brides. But times have changed while you slept

Dracula:
fine, Igor, I will go down to meet her first........................ and kidnap her later,

Narrator:
and maybe while he's at it, you could even possibly learn her name. 

Igor:

Excellent idea, Master. I'm sure that will go well. What cloak would you like to take?

Dracula:
A very important decision, I believe, yes, cloak number 13 will suit me just fine for the occasion.

Igor: 
Great choices always master,

Narrator:
but they all look exactly the same.

Narrator:  
A few moments later, 

Player:

I leave the castle and I head to town. 

Narrator:

As Dracula steps out of the castle, he forgets that he can't step out into direct sunlight and lights on fire. 

Whoosh!

DM:

Really, that's the sound effect.

Narrator:

 Don't look at me. I'm not the one who blew the entire sound effects budget on the background of music!

Player:  
Hey, um, can we get back to my character who's currently on fire Please?

Dracula:

 wait? I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Narrator:
That is what I said. Whoosh, knife here. Whoosh. From inside the castle. A pot of water is thrown under Dracula, extinguishing the flames, and Igor steps out.

Igor:

 your umbrella, Master.

Dracula:
Thank you, Igor and um, remind me to add destroy the sun to my to do list. I keep thinking to do it and planning, and then I forget.

Igor:
Very well, Master, I'll have Wilson the whiteboard write it down for you.

Narrator: 
Oi nerds, your favorite Narrator here with the first ad break of this season, while player and DM go and take a bathroom break, grab some Doritos and energy drinks. By the way, have you seen what is in those things? I swear I'm a dwarf, and even I wouldn't drink that crap. I don't care what your constitution is, that stuff will kill you. Also. We may have let bit have someone sin. Well, we won't let him have any caffeine anymore. That's a whole nother story, and that will cost you if you want to hear it anyway, until they come back. Enjoy this sponsored video from our music channel, 1v 1v, DM, music on YouTube. Also we're on Spotify, Amazon and like SoundCloud and other places where you listen to music. I don't know. I'm a simple dwarf. I don't understand these web things. Either way, I'm sure you can find it in the links and enjoy the song. If you don't want to listen to it, skip ahead 90 seconds and it will be over anyway. The sale isn't gonna drink itself. Bartender, I need a fresh mug on DM'S tab.

Musical Song "I Still Got 1 HP" by 1v1MeDm Plays 

"I charged right in with my sword held high

a Goblin gave a battle cry. 

They stabbed my shins through a rock in my head. 

Now my armor's in bits and my capes all red. 

The clerics pray and you're gonna drop

 the rogues like mate, You're one hit from a flop

but I wink through the blood and the grime,

I'm still kicking. It's not my time.

Don't need no potion. 

Don't need no spell.

 I'm dodging death like I dodge that smell 

the party's freaking but I'm carefree. 

I'm fine. 

I still got one HP. 

I stand defiant through fire and storm, unyielding warrior in battle I'm born

 one point of glory. Defy in the end, rise up my spirit.

 Fight and defend. 

No fear in my heart, no change. I can bind.

 I'm a legend in the making, leaving foes behind with dice on my side. 

I'll turn the tide, hanging on tight, barely alive, I'm fine.

A dragon swooped with a fiery roar cooked my boots and my shields. No more."

Narrator: 
Hope you enjoyed the music and if you skipped it, Welcome back. Hope you don't mind by put three ales on your tab. Got a complaint? Go talk to the beautiful, I mean, the female knife here, over there. Now, back to the show. HoneyDale is a small, peaceful Victorian village in the middle of nowhere, Transylvania. The town is bustling as the merry peasants prepare for their beloved holiday of spooky and sugar. The children, already in costumes, run to and fro trying to find any shopkeepers willing to give them sweets before nightfall. The Butcher's Daughter stands outside the shop, hanging decorations on the outside of the shop and sneaking small candies to the children as they come by, much to her father's annoyance.

Player:
I walk towards her.

Dracula:

 ah, good afternoon............ Human............. female,

Narrator:
the daughter turns around to face you,

Butcher's Daughter:
little old to be dressed up, aren't you, and your ear is smoky.

Player: 
I reach up totally and tap it out.

Dracula:

 Ah yes, it is a good costume, right? Candle wax. You see that?

SIZZLE SOUND

OUCH!. (Dracula Whispers "That hurt")

We haven't been introduced. I am new to the area. Please to meet you.

DM:
All right, I'm gonna need you to roll charisma with disadvantage.

Player:
Why I'm Dracula. He's literally famous for charisma and seduction.

DM: 
Man, yes, but you're standing in sunlight, your clothes are wet and burned, and you smelled like burned garlic,

Player:
fine.......... nine,

DM:
and let's see, with your charisma modifier of negative two??

Player:

 I wanted more dex.

DM:
You're a warlock! Why do you need more dex?

Player:
Hey, those sticks are definitely not gonna dodge themselves, especially with my bad rolling.

DM:
Who cares? You have 23 Constitution as a base?
Wait a minute. What is this character sheet?

Narrator:

This is why you don't click randomize when making a character sheet.

DM:
Well, anyways, that means you rolled a seven. Yeah, she ain't feeling it. Chief,

Butchers Daughter:
it's nice to see a new face. We don't get many like you here....ummmmmm?

Dracula:

 Count Dracula:

Narrator:

she glances at the castle and then looks back at you,

Butcher's Daughter:
right, sure. Unfortunately, I don't have time for make believe. I must get back to work. Hanging the decorations for tonight's festival. Nice to meet you, Bracula. 

Dracula:

Oh, actually, it's..........

Narrator:
she ain't even listening anymore. Knife here. She turns back to the shop. What is interrupted by a small child dressed up as a werewolf, which almost looks too real. She turns to the child and hands him a small bit of candy before returning to work, the child runs off, tail wagging.

Dracula:
Don't think she believes me and I'm pretty sure that's the wolf man's son from the forest. What's he doing here? Stupid, harrowing, ruining my holiday. Why? If this was the old boys, she would not have ignored me that way. I must stop this from happening. No more. I will stop this holiday happening now! 

Narrator:
calm down. Now. Grinch.

DM:

hey! no spoilers.

Player:
I return to the castle and go to the Batlab. 

Narrator:  
Inside the............. we're not really calling this the bat lab. Are we?

DM:

 Yes, we are. 

Narrator:

You don't pay me enough for this. Inside the....... bat lab.....our hero worked diligently by a cauldron of strange green bubbling goo.

Dracula:
Wilson, can you come here please. I need to check the recipe again.

Narrator:
From the corner of the bat lab, a large whiteboard with a skull on top, wheels itself over the Dracula, and the words Yes, Master appear on the whiteboard shortly after the recipe for Dracula's potion appear,

Igor:
it looks like you only forgot to add in ingredient number 17, Master.

Dracula:
Ah, yes, of course. How could I have forgotten something so simple, stupid bat brain. I just had a couple of these and of few of those, and some extra stirs with the bat spoon,

Narrator:
the cauldron boils over, and a large explosion of green ash and smoke fills the bat lab.

Dracula
(Cough Cough)......I've done it, Igor.....(Cough Cough ) I've done it this time, I swear my masterpiece with this potion!

Player:
I hold up the glass bottle,

Dracula: 
I will destroy this false Halloween and restore it to its former glory, the night shall once again be full of terror and about me,

Igor:
you've improved master. It only took you six hours to make and only three explosions. Igor turns to Wilson, are you okay, My friend? 

Narrator: 

The word yes appears on the ash covered whiteboard.

Dracula:
Come Igor, the night is here, and we have guests to deliver candy to.

Music Song "Night of the Zandies" By 1v1MeDm Plays 

When I woke from my 100 Year night,

my coffin creaked like an old bad trap. 

I stretched my Fang, shook off the dust, 

feeling thirsty, but love was a must. 

I shuffled to the window, grabbed my bad goggles tight, 

peered at the town in the pale moonlight, 

there she was, glowing like a full blood moon.

Music Fades

Narrator: 
Halloween has arrived, and the children sprinted to their favorite stop of the night of many years, the old, eerie castle on the top of the hill. 

Igor:

Thanks to me.

Narrator:

 Don't interrupt me! now. Where was I? Ah, yes, the castle on the top of the hill, much to their parents' hypocritical disapproval, the children knocked loudly on the door.

Player:
I open the door and I greet the children holding a large green bowl. Of candy that I poured the potion over. 

Children: TRICK OR TREAT!!! 

Dracula:

Hello there, disgusting. I mean, nice children, happy Halloween.

Child 1: You're Not IGOR! 

Child 2: Yeah! Where's Igor?!

Children: We want Igor, We Want Igor! 

Dracula: 

Shut up, you little monsters. Do you want your candy or not? 

Child 1: Did Igor Make it?

Dracula:

Yes, you little monsters. This is all Igor's homemade candy that you all love so much. Eat up. 

Player":

My character says through gritted teeth.

Narrator:

The children all accept this and immediately start eating the candy. 

DM:

Okay, one second........ummm One second. I need to look something up real quick. 

(Sounds of Papers being turned)

DM:
uh, was your alchemy proficiency? Again,

Player:
it's maxed 

DM:

How?
 How did you start the zombie apocalypse with candy!??

Player:

SCIENCE!!!!

Narrator: 
Suddenly, the children's eyes started glowing green. Drool flowed from their mouths and they started to groan. Can they need candy? Must Eat Candy! 

Dracula:
Yes, yes, yes. Consume all the candy. Consume all the candy. My minions, leave no house untouched, consume all of it for me! ah ah ah

DM:
Okay, roll for initiative.

Player:

 What? 

DM:

Roll for initiative?

Player:
They aren't under my control. 

DM:

Nope. Congrats. You started this now roll.

Player:
Ha, 18, I win Dracula rushes inside the castle, and I use my action to slam the door shut behind him, and as my bonus action, I brace it.

Narrator:
just as Dracula slams the pot into position, the door is hammered hard enough that Dracula almost bounces off it.

Igor:
How goes the perfect plan, Master,

Dracula: Oh Hello Igor.......Don't mind the banging.......it's all going according to plan ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Narrator: 
Dracula is interrupted by the door exploding into splinters behind him, throwing him forward in a shower of wood to the ground.

Igor:
I told you to not include the strength enhancer, master.

Narrator:

The.........by the way. What do we call these things?

Dracula:

Zandies! they are called Zandies! 
Candy Zombies........

Narrator: 

Zandies Really?

Dracula:
hey, hi, potion, my name. If you want to name an apocalyptic event, go make it yourself!

Narrator: 
Fair enough, the zandies rush into the castle, eyes shining in the dark and through splattering on the stone floor.

DM:
Okay, now give me a Dex roll.

Player:

 All right. Um, I think I passed. I got a 17.

Igor:
I would recommend running master. 

Narrator:

It was at this moment that he knew he Fd- Up.

Player: 
I turn and I run down the hall as fast as I can.

Musical Montage begins........."Night of the Zandies" by 1v1MeDm Plays.

"Now sit back, kids, and I'll tell you a tale, 

of a spooky old night when the moon turned pale. 

It was Halloween eve with tricks in the air,

 kids dressed as ghosts with costumes so rare, 

Dracula. Laughed from his castle so grand

 with a bowl full of candy from a magical land

 come Trick or treat, my sweet little Dears,

 he tricked them with treats that sparkled like tears. 

Oh, the night of the zandies. What a frightful delight candy zombies are stomping through the dead of the night, 

Zandies with a hunger that just won't quit,

 chasing for sweets in a zombie fit.

 one bite of that candy and poof was a sight. The kids started changing under the moonlight. 

Their eyes turned to gumdrops. Their skin sticky, sweet.

 They shuffled and groaned with zombie like feet, 

but oh no, not scary, just Zandies they be with the candy lust burn  And wild and free, 

they turned on old Dracula, eyes full of greed, 

more candy, more candy. Was all that they need. 

They chased him right back to his creaky old door, pounding and bashing till it splintered and tore 

Dracula braced it with all of his might, but the Zandies burst in like a sugar fueled fight!

 up the stairs and down the halls. What a chase through cobwebs and shadows at a zombie pace and sneaky were-pup Dennis joined in the fun nipping at Dracula's cape. He bit him right in the BUM!

 the night of the Zandies what a frightful delight. Candy zombies are stomping through the dead of the night. Zandies with a hunger that just won't quit chasing for sweet's in a Zombie fit!"

(Song Ends)

Dm:
All right, give me another Dex roll

Player: 

ah........crap! 

Narrator: 

the zombies catch up to Dracula and tackle him.

DM:
So how's that extra decks working for you?

Dracula:
oh Bite Me!!! 

Narrator:
Hearing the challenge offered, the Zandie where pup bites Dracula on the rear end.

Dracula:
Ouch! not you Dennis, you menace! 

Igor:

 Oh, children.

Narrator:

 Igor holds up a large bowl of candy he made for the children before Dracula woke up this afternoon, all the zandies stop and turn to him.

Igor:
Fetch children.

Narrator:
Igor, throws the bowl out the hole that once was a door, and the children raced after it.

Igor:
They're gone. Now, Master, you can stand up now,

Dracula:
hello, Igor, those kids are lucky I wasn't using my full strength on them, cause they're just kids. I Oh, I think I broke something. Another perfect plan, perfectly accomplished!

Igor:
as you say, Master, I'll go draw your Bath now so you can clean up away

Narrator:
from the castle in the village of Honeydale. The zandies wreaked havoc on the town for the rest of the night, eating all of the candy sweets and downing bags of sugar as a dwarf does ale. Luckily, Dracula's potion only and lasted until the next morning, but the sugar that the children consumed did not disappear with the rising of the sun. They stayed awake, continuing to wreak havoc for three days straight, much to the horror of their parents and glee of their grandparents. Many wondered what had caused the outbreak of the zandies, however many the villagers whispered in the dead of night, behind closed doors that it was the best Halloween ever!

Dracula:
Ah, next year I shall have my revenge on those little monsters..... I am too tired for that now. I'm going to take my bat nap now......ummm Talking voice, tell Igor my perfect plan failed, please. He'll never let me hear the end of it.

Igor:
He doesn't know that they already know that his perfect plan has failed. Does he?

Narrator:  
not a clue?

Igor: 
Good. Let's keep it that way.

Narrator:
Unbeknownst to Dracula and Igor, a certain individual receives a letter that reads, Dracula has returned. 

"Night of the Zandies" Song by 1v1MeDm begins to play again. 

"Oh, the night of zandies what a frightful delight

 candy zombies are stomping through the dead of the night.

 Zandies with a hunger that just won't quit

 chasing for sweets in a zombie fit, 

Just when it seemed like the end was in sight,

 Igor, the butler, stepped into the light. 

He held up a bowl shiny and grand 

O Children fetch, he called with a wave of his hand, 

Candy flew out through the door, all destroyed

 the Zandies dashed after it, overjoyed. 

They gobbled it up from the streets far and wide, leaving Dracula safe with a sigh and a high
then off through the town. What a wild swing. It's free. 

They raided the shops for every last treat, lollipops, chocolates, cookies and cake. They munched and they crunched till the whole place did shake 

on a sugar high rush. They danced through the days staying up three nights in a candy crazed haze, 

no bedtime or nap time, just zooming around the best sugar party that town's ever found.

End of Episode: