Untold Adventures: A Dracula Love Story Episode 4: How Dracula Stole Christmas

Untold Adventures: A Dracula Love Story Episode 4: How Dracula Stole Christmas 

Comedy • Fantasy • Holiday Chaos

Christmas Eve in Transylvania was never going to be peaceful — but this year, Dracula has cooked up his most unhinged plan yet: Operation FATMAN, a completely “original” scheme to steal Santa’s sleigh, swipe every present in Honeydale, and win the heart of the Butcher’s Daughter. What could possibly go wrong? (Answer: everything.)

Join Dracula, his anxious butler Igor, two over‑enthusiastic gargoyles, a magical whiteboard named Wilson, and a sleep potion that definitely wasn’t tested properly as they collide with a Santa impersonator, a furious green Christmas thief, rogue reindeer, neighborhood watch lunatics, a troll grandma, and even the DM and Player themselves when the multiverse accidentally breaks.

Expect fast‑paced comedy, fantasy misadventures, holiday parody, and a full‑blown showdown between Dracula and Santa Claus that turns Christmas Eve into an explosive supernatural spectacle. Perfect for fans of comedy storytelling, D&D‑style chaos, holiday specials, and anyone who loves monsters behaving badly.

Transcript

Narrator: Christmas Eve has arrived at Castle Dracula as our Vampire Protagonist Plans his naughty Christmas scheme to steal all the gifts from the Town of Honeydale? Wait a Minute this whole thing sounds way to much like How the…….

The DM: ah ahhh Copyright! 

Dracula: I’m not copying anyone! I have a completely original plan! 

Narrator: Really? alright knife ears……lets hear it.

Dracula: It’s simple……..Wilson come here please

Narrator: Wilson the Magical Whiteboard rolls across the balcony from inside the castle, trying not to fall down on the snow and ice….. A nervous expression appeared on the skull above the board.

Dracula: thank you wilson, Now it’s a very simple strategy…..as you can see here on the board…... .as Santa flies over the Castle from the North we will initiative Operation FATMAN! 

Narrator: Operation…….Fatman?

Dracula: My Operation………My Name!............as I was saying………….when Santa Flies over the Castle we shall Launch Operation FATMAN……it is at this time that JERRY and GARRY! My trusty Gargoyles

JERRY/GARRY: THATS US BOSS! 

Narrator: the two small gargoyles on the balcony jump up in unison.

Dracula: thats Right! At this time they will fly into the air and sneak up behind Santa’s sleigh and unhook the reindeer harness causing the Sleigh to crash down between us and the Valley! Aha ah ah

Then we shall swoop in and use THIS POTION! 

The Player: I hold up a magical glass filled with bright green liquid.

Dracula: To make Santa fall asleep, then we shall take all the presents and deliver them to the Butcher's Daughter! 

Narrator: Wouldn’t that just make her get arrested the next day? Dracula: What was that talking voice? 

Narrator: oh Nevermind.

Igor: Sounds like another perfect plan as always master! 

Narrator: Igor the Butler appears on the edge of the balcony from inside the castle.

Igor: Please remember master not to take to long with your master plan, I have a giant roast in the oven, it would be a shame to get cold.

Dracula: Of course Igor! I shall be back before midnight! Ah ah ah

Narrator: Are you not going to stop him?

Igor: Why on earth would I do that…….that’s way harder then just cleaning up the mess and fixing the castle's relations with Santa after.

Narrator: How so??

Igor: You ate my cookies….you should know…….we are Santa’s favorite stop of the night.

Narrator: You knew all along didn’t you.

Igor: You're a terrible liar old friend. But it’s christmas so I let it slide this time. Speaking of Cookies I brought you some for a snack during tonights…... .operation. 

Dracula: Ah thank you igor these will be perfect for a snack during Operation Fatman! 

Igor: (sleigh bells begin to play softly in the background)...Oh looks like it’s time, best of luck master, I’ll be in the kitchen.

Narrator: Igor walks back inside as the sound of sleigh bells grows louder overhead. Dracula walks to the balcony of the terrace. In the distance, the village is dark and quiet as the inhabitants wait for Christmas morning. As Dracula hears the sound of jingling bells echoing through the night sky…. He looks up and sees above the castle, silhouetted against the full moon, a large sleigh flying toward the town…

Dracula: It’s Time! JERRY and GARRY begin Operation FATMAN! 

JERRY/GARRY: ROGER BOSS! (evil laughter, sound of wings flapping)

Narrator: the two small gargoyles take off from the terrace and fly fast through the night towards Santa’s Sleigh! 

SCENE 6: OPERATION FATMAN

Mysterious Figure: Ho Ho HO Merry Christmas! On dasher on Dancer one………hey who are you two?

Jerry: I’m Jerry!

Garry: I’m Garry!

Jerry/Garry: And we are robbing you Santa! 

The Grump: Oh you are are you? Well too late cause I already robbed Santa! So get in Line buckos! The Grump isn’t about to be outdone by some flying statues from Hobby Lobby! MAX! Attack! 

MAX: GRRRRRRRRRRRR BARK BARK! 

Jerry/Garry: ah OH!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Narrator: from the castle balcony Dracula seeing his two gargoyles get blasted by some strange magic, and fall down into the snow below.

Dracula: you know……I shouldn’t be surprised that santa was able to get rid of the Jerry and Garry……thats on me. A great leader knows when to admit he made a mistake……..anyway….PLAN B! 

The Player: I reach down and make a snowball from the snow on the balcony and reach back and with all my strength throw the snowball at the sleigh and cast on release…..

Dracula: Eldritch Snowball!!!!!

Narrator: as the snowball leaves dracula’s had it is engulfed in dark flames….  The night sky shudders with the sound of a sonic boom echoing through the sky as the magical snowball flies through the air towards Santa’s Sleigh.

The DM: this isn’t technically a spell, but screw it! I like it! Roll with advantage! 

Rolls………….

The Player: is that?

The DM: uhhhhhhhh…..

The DM/The Player: NAT 20!/Nat20?!

Narrator:  The eldritch snowball strikes the Grump in the face, knocking him off his sleigh! He falls head first into the snow below. The reindeer quickly descended to rescue him

The Grump: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! MAX! AVENGE ME! 

Narrator: From the Castle Kitchen Window……Igor watches the figure dressed as Santa fall to the ground.

Igor: oh dear…... .that escalated quickly……..sigh……..I’m going to need a lot more cookies, means another visit to……....HER.

Narrator: back on the balcony, Dracula yells with glee having succeeded in taking down the sleigh.

Dracula: Are you happy now DAD! And you said playing co-ed softball would never pay off in my life! 

The Player: I turn into a bat and fly to the crash site to claim my prize! 

Narrator: Dracula takes off any flies down from the castle to the valley. He arrives at the crash site to find Santa’s feet sticking out of the deep snow and muffled screaming from below…….it looks like santa has gotten himself stuck! 

The Grump: ahhh someone let me out! I mean it…..this isn’t funny! MAX! what are you doing?! Get me out of here! 

Narrator: That doesn’t quite sound like Santa…………..oh no…….don’t tell me?

The Player: I pull Santa out of the Snow! 

Narrator: wait don’t do…………ah nuts………..as Dracula pulls santa out of the snow he immediately notices something is off with the Jolly old man…….something Way OFF! 

Dracula: WAIT YOUR NOT SANTA!

The Grump: what? Of course I am weirdo………I mean………Ho ho ho………merry Christmas.

Narrator: Dracula may be an idiot but he’s seen Santa before………indeed this strange creature in front of him was wearing Santa’s clothes…..but was definitely not Santa…….unless Santa's skin turned green and he grew fur.

Dracula: you definitely aren’t Santa……he plays Golf with my Butler in the spring! Who are you?!

The Grump: fine fine……..you caught me snow white……Indeed I am Not Santa Clause!……I’m the GRUMP!……….and I’m here to Steal Christmas! Ahahahahah ahahhaha.

Narrator: Don’t you mean Grinch?

The Grump: No, Grump…….that copyrighted Sellout is my cousin……like I said, I’m here to Steal Christmas! 

Dracula: You can’t steal Christmas! I’m stealing Christmas tonight!

The Grump: well too bad slowpoke! I already stole it!!........so you’ll have to wait till next year hahahahahah

Dracula: actually…….I think you’ve made my job easier.

The Grump: hahaha……….albino says what now?

The Player: I throw the sleep potion at the Grump! 

DM: alright……... .give me an attack roll……... .Santa's robes give the Grump a plus 4 AC……so you need to roll an 18 to hit.

The Player: Rolls 17…plus 3…..thats a Naughty 20! Narrator: before the Grump can react Dracula splashes his face with the Sleep potion he made for Santa! 

SPLASH! 

The Grump: Now why did you do that! ……ah……..what is this smell……..it’s disgusting!.........I LOVE IT! May I have a bottle to go for the Rddddddddddddddd………THUD! 

Narrator: And with that the Grump…..falls asleep mid sentence and falls face down into the Snow.

Dracula: ah…... .The Potion worked better than I expected! My Plan once again has been PERFECT!

Narrator: Really Perfect? You accounted for The Grump is what you are saying?!

Dracula: True, it wasn’t Santa in the end I had to deal with, but hey…..it’s the end result that matters! I got his sleigh, presents and suit now! Aha ah ah………now then enough dotiling…..it’s TIME FOR PHASE 2 of OPERATION FATMAN! 

The Player: I strip off Santa’s clothes and hat from the sleeping Grump and go to the nearby Sleigh.

 Narrator: as Dracula approaches the lead reindeer with nose glowing bright red eyes him with an ominous stare!

The Player: ah ah….easy now Rudolph….lets all stay calm….I reach into my cloak and pull out one of igor's Christmas cookies and give it to the reindeer

Narrator: the reindeers sniffs the fresh cookie then quickly gobbles it down in a single bite. His demeanor instantly changes and he licks dracula on the face! 

Dracula: Good boy! 

Narrator: As Dracula begins to climb into the sleigh he is greeted by another animal. A sleeping Dog with a collar that says Max.

Dracula: oh….hello there…..um……Max….

Narrator: The dog looks up at Dracula wearing Santa’s Robes then over to the sleeping Grump in the snow……….and begins to growl…………GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Dracula: He’s only sleeping Max…….have a cookie then go watch your master

Narrator: as Dracula hands Max the cookie his tail immediately begins to start wagging…..he grabs the cookie then jumps off the sleigh and walks towards the Grump.

Dracula: If only Denis was as easy to deal with….now then…cough cough…“fly reindeer!!

Narrator: the reindeer stands quietly in the snow, ignoring Dracula, having not heard the proper command.

Dracula: hey for each stop we make I will give each of you a cookie! 

Narrator: the reindeer without warning take off with more motivation than they’ve ever had! 

Dracula: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh………………….. slow down!  

SCENE 7: WRONG ADDRESS………AGAIN

Narrator: Dracula arrives in the dead of night at the town of Honeydale to deliver all of the Christmas gifts to the butcher's daughter. However as he arrives he realizes there's one problem.

Dracula: How in the jack frost does santa tell who’s house is who’s from up here! I have no idea which one is hers?

……well if Santa can deliver presents to the world in a single night, I Dracula of all people can find one house in a town! 

Narrator: Little did Knife ears know how much he would come to regret those words as the Long night continued. He lands on a large house with an ungraceful thump, not knowing how to properly steer the sleigh still.

Dracula: ahhh Our first stop of the night, hopefully this is the Butchers home! 

Narrator: Dracula Slides down the chimney with a wicked smile on his face eager to deliver presents to the Butcher's Daughter!

Dracula: I will learn her name one of these days! 

Narrator: Dracula finds himself in the living room of a modest home, full of Christmas decorations and a full tree of ornaments, a family portrait hangs over the mantle of a family……….who Dracula has never seen before…….Looks like stop one is a dud knife ears.

 Dracula: well if it only took one stop this entire Operation would be too easy! Ah ah ah……I”m sure it won’t take long to find her home!

Narrator: I wouldn’t talk so loud if I were you, Knife ears while inside the house. (whispers)

Dracula: Now that you mention it I probably should use more stealth since I”m technically trespassing………last thing I want is to get…….

Child Voice: Santa?

Dracula: Caught…….

Narrator: as Dracula turns he sees a small little child in Pjs holding a large teddy bear standing by the stairs. Wait Aren’t vampires supposed to be sneaky? First house and Knife ears’ already been caught.

Dracula: it's fine, talking voice…..I can handle a little child…... .watch this……..cough cough.

…….ho ho ho……….merry Christmas my dear! 

Child: Wait a minute……YOUR NOT SANTA!

Narrator: That didn’t take long.

Dracula: What!?.......of course I am…..Look I got the robes and the bear……well no beard…..but that's cause I shaved this year! 

Child: No you're NOT SANTA! He was at the market yesterday, I sat on his lap and told him what I want for Christmas! You LOOK NOTHING LIKE HIM! 

Narrator: Is Dracula being done in ‘cause of a Fantasy Mall Santa?.......I love Christmas.

Child: DADDY COME QUICK WE GOT AN INTRUDER! 

Father: calm down Charlotte, remember what I taught you.

Child: swing first ask questions later daddy! 

Father: That's right sweetie, now take this bat and show daddy your swing for softball season.

Dracula: ah hello sir, I believe there's been some misunderstanding…..you see what happened was………WHACK! 

Dracula: OUCH! 

Narrator: after several minutes of Dracula getting beat up by a little girl ahahah He managed to climb his bruised body and ego back up the chimney….

Dracula: ahhhhhhh that kids got a good swing, her dad taught her ouch…..well .......... first house complete.

The Player: I reach into my pocket and pull out my BatRadio and call back to HQ! 

(radio keying sound)

Dracula: WHITEBOARD 1 This is DarkLorder1 over…………

Silence……

Dracula: ah……maybe I shouldn’t have had Wilson be in charge of the Radio during Operation Fatman………Wilson, I Finished the first stop, mark this house off the list! DEFINITY NOT the right…..ouch……house. 

Narrator: Back at Castle Wilson the whiteboard with a drawn map of the town drawn on his board marks off the first house.

(sound of crossing off house list on whiteboard)

Narrator: I’d like to say that the night went smoother after this for our pale idot…..but alas, it only got worse as Dracula proceeded to fail and fail again trying to Find the Butchers House to deliver the presents. 

Narrator: Dracula Crashed into the church Bell tower! 

(BANG!)

Dracula: Who put that there! 

Narrator: Walked in on a woman taking a shower! 

Female scream! 

Dracula: ahh sorry ma'am

Narrator: Found a member of the neighborhood watch…..quite well prepared! 

NPC: Who are you?! What are you doing in my house?

 Dracula:uummmmmm ... .I've come to talk to you about your wagons' extended warranty?

Gun shot! Narrator: Found another member of the neighborhood watch who took his job way too seriously! 

CABOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Dracula : How'd he get a cannon in there?!

Narrator: Got attacked by not one, not two……but 3 Dogs at 3 different houses! 

Barb bark BARK BARK! 

Narrator: and one pissed off Cat.

Dracula: Nice kitty! 

Cat noises scratches……. 

Generic crashing, banging, breaking sounds

Narrator: and the worst of All……….The TROLL! 

TROLL: oh hello there cutie, have you come to give grandma a big candy cane for Christmas

Dracula: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 

Narrator: after many many MANY failed delivery attempts, gun shot wounds, bruised and battered ribs, and being lit on fire from fireplaces several times…… Dracula arrives at a house with a strange light emanating from the chimney. He slides down to find……………….wait what is happening here!? What are you 2 doing here?!

The Player/The DM: what the %&$!Narrator: Dracula finds himself face to face with the DM and Player as some mystical force has caused our worlds to collide…….ahhh my head hurts……

The Player: KILL IT WITH FIRE!

Narrator: The Player grabs a nearby Nerf minigun and pelts Dracula with foam bullets, forcing him to dive behind the couch. The DM leaps up from behind his board holding a replica cap America shield!.....Dracula peaks over the couch scared and begins to wave a small white flag.

Dracula: ummmm hello I’m sorry but I think there’s been some sort of mistake! 

Narrator: wait….you 2 didn’t do this on purpose?!

DM: No we did not!?

The Player: How is he here!

Dracula: I’m not doing anything wrong I swear, I’m just trying to steal Christmas.

The Player/DM: WE KNOW!

Narrator: OK, if you two nerds didn’t do it then who broke the world?!

DM: I don’t know, they didn’t cover this in Dungeon master school! 

The Player: what do we do?

Dracula: Can I go please….. I’m on a time crunch before Christmas ends…also this place is way too bright.

N: screw it! We don’t have time for this &%&!..... Dracula takes from his pocket a magic potion drinks it. Suddenly he vanishes and teleports back onto the sleigh, the strange light is gone from the fireplace and once again he is back in Transylvania on Christmas eve having no memory of the events that just occurred….(add heavy breathing….followed by “I need a drink” ) 

Player: We aren't going to talk about this?

DM: Yes, we need answers! We still remember!

Narrator: Bonk! NO we don’t have time!............ anyway as I was saying Dracula continues on to search for the butcher's daughters house. After several more attempts he finally finds it………because there were no houses left.

Dracula: well either this is the house, or I’m in the wrong town.

The Player: I slide down the chimney with the bag of gifts to deliver them.

Narrator: Dracula lands within the butchers house. The living room is dark with only a small candle lit by a table with an empty glass of milk, and a half eaten cookie. The large chair in front of the fire slowly turns to reveal Santa waiting for Dracula. (EXPAND description)

Narrator: Dracula Lands with an ungraceful thump inside the Livingroom of the Butchers House. The Room is dark save for a single lit candle, the Christmas tree lights have grown dim as the residents have gone to bed and the only sound save for our idiot protagonist is the sound of heavy snoring from the kitchen where we see the Butcher fast asleep next to a large glass of Eggnog……..he brought out the good stuff I see……..Dracula slowly picks himself off the floor and begins walking towards the tree to deliver the presents to the Butcher’s Daughter…however he is stopped by a sinister voice.

Santa Clause: Ho Ho Ho…..I’ve been waiting for you……..DRACULA.

SCENE 8: Dracula Vs Santa Claus

eerie/suspenseful music plays………

Narrator: Dracula readies for an attack as Santa stands up from the chair. Santa pulls out from his coat a quill and a small book… and writes Dracula on the……… permanent naughty list….

Santa Clause: And now for your punishment…..

Dracula: the little black book of naughtiness…I’ve heard tales from uncle vlad, but never believed it existed! 

Santa Clause: Yes and your name is now in it! Forever! 

 Dracula: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Santa Clause: Now give me back the children's presents.

Dracula: never they are for true love! 

Narrator: she doesn’t even know you exist! (mumble)

Santa Clause: very well if you won’t give them back. I shall take them with holiday cheer! 

Narrator: as Santa says this he begins to glow an ominous…….

Santa Clause: Narrator…..while I appreciate your dedication to earning your bar tab…..that won’t be necessary for this………I brought my own Narrators for this part.

Narrator: What?!

Santa Clause: Narrators…..play my music.

DM: from outside the house on the snowbacks an entire chore of elves pop out of the snow holding instruments and begin playing an erie christmas melody.

Thank you, narrator, we'll take it from here.
Cause it's our job to help bring holiday cheer

Santa takes off his coat and begins to glow.
Showing how much he gains from just lifting Coal

his muscles bulge with a godly might! 

Santa smiles at Dracula and says.........

Are you ready to fight?!

Santa punches Dracula threw the ceiling, 
giving him more than coal for misbehaving

Dracula flies high through the air.........and crashes through the tavern! so much for Holiday CHEEEEEEEEEEEEER!

Van Helsing turns around from his seat
and looks at Dracula and Santa , he doesn't even blink.
Don't mind me,  I'm just here to Drink
thank you Van and merry Christmas says Santa with a Wink

Dracula leaps up from the floor
the player finally rolls to attack, lets hope it scores
The dm yells with glee,
you might finally hit something this Christmas eve! 

Dracula shoots Santa with a magical blast, that sends Santa into the night with a HOLIDAY BASH!!!!!

Oh, Santa flies through the snow and into the Tree,
it crumbles to the ground Burying Santa underneath,
.........Dracula thinks he's won and Yells with Glee

wait what is that Music I hear? 
Is that Latin in the air?
Why do I smell fear? 
it's time for round 2 of the Night.
........someone call Dark souls.
I think they are missing a Boss fight!!!!

 Suddenly the Tree, starts to shake!.........and Santa rises up.......oops Drac you made a mistake! 

Santa lifts the tree high over his head.........and throws it at Dracula saying 
"Merry Christmas you undead!!!! 

Narrator: Dracula Crawls out from under the Christmas tree as Santa slowly walks behind him laughing 

Santa Clause: Ho Ho Ho

Narrator: From the nearby bushes Denis the were-Pup and the Grump watch the fight with popcorn in Hand.

The Grump: (with mouth full of food) Wow! This fight is amazing……glad I’m not the one fighting Fatso

Denis The Were-Pup: heheheh Entertainment!

The Grump: you know young man I like you… you interested in a job………pays like crap…..but we got dental! 

Denis The Were-Pup: I’m good……..plus I got my eyes on a bigger prize…..look!

Narrator: Denis points to the abandoned Sleigh on the nearby rooftop with the bag of presents still on top.

The Grump: a monster after my own heart………..lets ride! 

Narrator: As Denis and the Grump Sneak across the street towards the sleigh ... .Santa grabs Dracula from the snow and lifts him high over his head by the collar of his shirt! 

Santa Clause: it’s time to end this christmas charade. I commend you Dracula for putting up a Brave fight….not many have been able to land hits on me for many years HO HO HO

(sound of Sleigh Bells in background) Narrator: Santa prepares to deliver the finishing blow to dracula…….but is stopped by the familiar sound of jingling bells. He turns to see his sleigh flying, taking off and flying away with the presents….. And driving the sleigh two familiar faces.

Denis The Were-Pup: Merry Christmas Santa! Thanks for the entertainment! 

The Grump: So long, Fatso! Thanks for the distraction…... .vamps………see you next year! 

Santa Clause: NOT AGAIN!!!

.........We shall finish this next year Dracula. I've got other naughty children to deal with………………..MERRY CHRISTMAS and a happy new……YEAR!!! (grunt)

Narrator: as he says this Santa throws Dracula with all his might toward Dracula’s castle!

Dracula: Merry christmas to you toooooooooooooooo!

Narrator: Dracula soars through the night sky……again……..Children look up from their sleeping beds seeing the bright streaking light across the  sky thinking it’s a shooting star…..on that Christmas eve many wishes were made on Dracula before he crashes into his castle tower! 

CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!

Dracula: OWWWWWWWWWWW!

Igor: Oh you’ve returned just in time for Dinner Master……..how did your perfect plan go?

Dracula:........I don’t want to talk about it Igor!

Igor: Very well master, let's eat, the Christmas Roast is ready and all the Castle Employees are waiting for you to make a Christmas Toast! 

Narrator: Dracula and Igor enter the Grand Hall of the castle, Filled with a massive christmas tree to rival the town, the hall is decorated with candles, garlands, flows, and christmas ornaments……the great banquet table is laid out and sitting around it all the castle employees from the Talking Skeletons, Gargoyles, Mimics, Animated Armor’s and other strange creatures of Castle Dracula……they all stand up as Dracula enters and Shout in unison.

Crowd: MERRY CHRISTMAS DRACULA!!! 

Dracula: Merry Batmas Everyone!

 DM: and that's minus one XP! 

End of Episode. Thank you for watching! Hope you enjoyed! be sure to check us out on SPotify, Apple, and Youtube! If you enjoyed our Show please like and share with your friends! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! 

- Love Dracula