Anniversary 27 (E47)

Happy Anniversary Courtney & Shawn!

Happy Anniversary AIM!

Never lose the desire to get to know one another (and yourself!) more intimately. Courtney & Shawn talk about their recent re-evaluation of their personality types and how they intentionally love each other and God.

Thank you for continuing on the Adventure with us!

We recently created a IG account for the podcast and would love for you to give it a look @hornsbymarriageadventures

If you found anything helpful or encouraging, please consider subscribing and sharing with others. 

As always, thank you for listening!

#marriage #adventures #jesus #healing #children #husband #wife

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Happy anniversary, Courtney, as we close in on uh number 27 for us.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

Yes, happy anniversary. And it's two anniversaries in one. This is a special anniversary episode. That's right. Of Adventures in Marriage.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Yes, because uh we started this as an anniversary project on our 25th anniversary.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

So April 17th. So hopefully this podcast. Hopefully.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

No, no, I'm gonna do it. It's gonna post on the April. As soon as we finish recording today, I'm gonna upload it so that we can uh it'll it'll be live tomorrow on our anniversary.

SPEAKER_01 0:54

Which also is our two-year anniversary of the podcast. Like you said, we started this, we kicked off this idea, and launched our first recording on our anniversary two years ago on our 25th. That's right. So happy anniversary to the podcast and take just a minute to thank those who've been listening. And we have been excited to see that people have been listening. And as of today, we have 1,866 downloads.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

That's fine.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Yeah, this is nice. Episode number what did I tell you, 47? 47, yeah. Yeah, episode number 47. So just in the last week, the last seven days, we've had 70 downloads, which I thought was cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

So uh an all-time of 1,866.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

I like it. Good times. Uh, and and you know, if you're out there listening and you're like, I want to do something, whether it's marriage related or hunting related or whatever, go into the creative space and do it and and uh start a podcast. Um most of them don't make it past like I f I forgot what the stat is according to BuzzRoute, the service we use, like seven episodes. They just they just you know, they get out there and they start recording and they'll do two or three and then that's it. And and so uh especially when you do a year or two years worth and you and you get, you know, like we have 47, we're we're actually in the like top five percent.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

You know, that's it's kind of weird when you say it that way, but a lot of people start and they don't follow through.

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Yeah. Well, life, it gets hard and it this is because this isn't a job, this is just something we're doing.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

Yeah, this is just for fun and and and to bless others. And as we the word that we've always continued to use these two years has been to encourage.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Well, and we also have to be intentional about about doing it because it's easy just to let it slide.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

Well, yeah, but our purpose was to encourage others with with with in their marriage, because of all the all the difficulties that that just come up naturally in marriage. And so we had we've had to be intentional in doing that.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Uh and maybe have even fought about it a little bit for being truthful, you know?

SPEAKER_00 3:01

I forgive you for that.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Okay. Like, hey, we you know, we have to record, and yeah, and then that just leads to some it has led to some of the things. Oh, you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Yeah, it it well and it it it's the it's the not letting it become a chore. Because this is not work.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

It isn't, but if you're not diligent about it, it won't get done.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

There's a balance, right? It is, yeah. And uh this actually kind of leans in a little bit to some of what we want to talk about today, um, is the differences between us and and how we are probably like like we know a ton about each other, no doubt, after 27 years, right? Yeah. Uh but we're still learning. And you made a great point when we were talking last night. Um we're still learning about ourselves, not like each other, right? But I'm still learning and trying to understand what makes me tick at times. Yeah. And same for you.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Yeah, absolutely. And you know, for those just to recap who don't remember, I mean, we have been married 27 years, so I'm 49, he's 50, but we dated in high school. So we dated in high school, then went to college, got engaged, got married right after college.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

And so, yeah, we have literally spend our entire adult lives together.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

Right. But we're still very different people, you know, even though we have now spent more time together than we have with our families, if you look at those years. Yeah. You know, because basically I'm I'm looking at like 18, 18 years old. We moved off to college, and after that, I mean, we really other than going home, you know, for the holidays or summer or whatever, it was you and I.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 4:42

And so we have definitely lived more life together than we have li lived apart. But it's still amazing how those years really shape you, form you. Uh the years that you, you know, did spend with your your immediate family. Oh yeah. Your biological family, you know, the uh nuances, their culture, their their backgrounds that they bring, you know, how they raised you, you know, your siblings, etcetera.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Yeah, I mean, so much of who you are is formed in those first what two to five years. It's like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Of of how you what you believe. That doesn't mean that none of that changes, but your core of what you've believed or why you do what you do or why.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

Well how you react to the world and and and you know what what motivates you and a lot of those kind of things um r outside of not even your beliefs, but just just like how you respond and and move in the world, those kind of things are definitely um shaped in those early years.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

So I think that what you know, uh looking back and and looking at our course of our relationship and our marriage, you know, we still often say, or I know I have, I can't speak for you, but I can say I have. Like I still struggle to understand you at times. And and that and that's also because we're also human and we're ever evolving and we're changing. And your life experiences have also shaped you, not just when the eight first 18 years, but things that have happened to you. And you know, we've talked in other podcast episodes about Philly, we talked about that. About things like life ex life issue, you know. I've had the death of a s of a of a parent. You've had a traumatic event. I mean, there are these things that have happened to us as a married couple, but to us individually, you know, that impact us differently. The death of my father affected me much differently than it affected you as the son-in-law. Sure. The uh accident at the lake affected you much differently than it affected me as your spouse who helped walk through it. Right. So there are still these things that are shaping us. So we're still and we're human, we're ever evolving. I think that's one of the beautiful but frustrating parts about uh being a human is that we're ever evolving, ever changing. And you know, life and and using the eye.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

We we are capable of capable of growing. I do like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:00

And I say evolving, you know, we're we're we're not static, we're constantly changing. And so we're growing together, we're evolving together, but then we're also evolving separately. And so, you know, uh we have been doing over the years some various personality tests. Um, and they're fun, you know, they're fun to look at. I mean, I I know we've been doing them on and off since college, because a lot of times in school you had to do them as part of a class, you know, as part of a a project.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

We didn't really know much about that in high school, but in college I remember specifically seminary was very much like that because um as I as I remind my people here at church all the time, seminary is not so much about uh you learning the Bible, like you know, from every jot and tittle, uh, but it's it's shaping your understanding of the Bible or your understanding of how to interpret the Bible and then also your understanding of self so that you kind of can separate what you are reading into scripture and what scripture is actually trying to say. So with that, with that, you wind up doing several different iterations of, you know, well, who are you and and what makes you tick and all this kind of stuff. So, yes, over the years, and I would bring some of that home and we would do it together.

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I remember one that was like your what your what's your color. I remember doing that one in college that I had to do as part of a class, and just different ones.

SPEAKER_00 8:22

So what was that?

SPEAKER_01 8:23

I don't remember what that called. That one wasn't that one. No, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

I mean, and again, that one wasn't as good as like what dog are you? Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 8:31

You still remember that, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Absolutely. You were the Bernese mountain dog, yeah. Yeah, faithful, loyal, strong.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

But I mean, like, that's that's funny because that some of that is in the thing we're talking about.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Yeah, college, man. I I what do you remember? Was it what was I?

SPEAKER_01 8:45

I don't remember. Is it the Rottweiler or something? That would be something like that. But we were, I think we were like in the journalism lab on the computers, and that was like when the internet was really getting popular, and you could find all the things. Oh, wow. We so anybody.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Anybody 10 years younger than us that's listening, just really just like, gosh, how old are these?

SPEAKER_01 9:03

Yeah, 49 and 50.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

I know, I know. They're like, how the the internet was just yes, yes. They would bring the cans in with the string between them, and you know, we would listen to the internet that way.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

Well, and and that makes me laugh because I remember like our staff at the creamery, the the girls up front, they're like, you know, like old people.

SPEAKER_00 9:19

And I'll I'll look at them and I'm like, Oh, you you need to qualify that.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

And I'm like, what do you think? I mean, and then I'll look at them, what do you mean, old? And they're like, Oh, but I mean, I mean, not y'all, like you know, like old, like like 50s or 60s, and I'm like, you realize he's 50, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:33

Yeah, a youthful 50. A youthful 50. I I did watch someone uh the other day and said that um as a comedian was joking that 50s are like the freshman year of the old people. Oh yeah, I think I sent you that. Oh, you you sent me that. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Yeah, oh yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

So, but anyway, so we've been doing these things, and one that we've done a lot, um, a couple of them we talk about on here. Um, your love languages. We've talked about that one a lot. And uh that that's always a fun one. Very uh relational, you know, how we receive love, how we give love, and that's uh always a great one. And then uh your your Clifton strengths, which I think was bought by Gallup, and we've done that one both for work and from professional settings. And right uh I've gone through some trainings with it, and then you know, we've done it individually.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

I really like that one too.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

And and I think, yeah, I think those uh we have found to be very accurate, and comical. Uh yeah, yeah. Well, but you know, looking at a taking a strong look at yourself and being able to laugh about it, which is exactly what leads into what this is. And this was just timely because we we knew we were gonna record this week. We knew we wanted to put out another episode. Uh we our last one was Easter, and and we'll kind of recap that in just a second. Um, but our friend who is getting his masters, um, in organ in some of this classes in organizational leadership was asked to take this personality test. And it was called 16 Personalities, and it's free. So if you Google it, 16 personalities. And it it took like five minutes to take. And he'd come in and said, I had to do this for class, and it's kind of spot on. Like he's also done the Gallup strength through some professional training we've both been in. And he said, So y'all should take it and just see what it says. Yeah. So I took it, got my report, and I'm like, Oh, yeah, there's some really truthful things in here. So I popped it over to Sean and said, Hey, just take this if you uh it'll be fun, like for us to compare, specifically because of our relationship and how we relate to one another. And so he took it, and then that night um we both pulled out our results and looked at it and and had a good laugh because some of it was so true for both of us, and we can get into that in just a minute.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

So now and and let me just say everything uh if you're very familiar with these these tools, uh then then you're gonna recognize this and say, Well, this isn't this just Myers Briggs. And and it looks like it is.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

Uh at least a form of it, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Yeah, it's a form of it. I think it I I'm guessing it's like a scaled down version a little bit, uh, or or maybe a maybe a refreshed version because they don't use that language at all, but it is 16 uh, you know, but plus they have an extra letter on there. So you have the 16, but then you have something extra. So, anyways, if you see that, no, this isn't new and groundbreaking, but it was it was just a new iteration for us.

SPEAKER_01 12:20

Yeah, and I I again the timeliness of it I think was really interesting because we did just come off of Easter. No, our last episode we talked about Lent and prepping for Easter, and we just came off the Easter holiday. And just to be quite honest, that was a really stressful time. It was for you individually, which then meant for our relationship and our family. So Easter is more compact than Christmas because it's shortened. Well, it's a 40-day season of Lent, but the actual Easter week of all the services is packed into four days, multiple services, and there's multiple parts. There was, you know, um early, early morning, different location, trying to get decorations ready, get parts ready, communion, all these different things. And uh we I'm gonna say we because I'm being generous here. We were not at our best.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Wow. The the corny bus just got pulled out.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

I said we.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

I know you didn't. Yeah. Yeah, I know I definitely and and I don't, you know, and I've been honest with this with uh quite a few people here at the church that that I that uh are closer to me, and I've just said yeah. Uh it was stressful. Uh deadlines and communication and moving parts, and for whatever reason, and I and I think a big part of it was I got off schedule a little bit. Yeah. Which is one of those things about getting to know yourself, right? And and um I actually asked the question talking to a buddy of mine. Uh here I am doing another Maundy Thursday service, another Good Friday service, another Easter service. Does it matter? Does it make a difference? And and that was all part of this this being in a lull, a low and a fatigue, I don't know. A fatigue and a low, that's what I'm saying, all of that together and and this this feeling of like do I really want to do this anymore? Well it is. You know, and and that happens, I think, when we're exhausted. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:14

Well, and and being able to take an honest look at yourself.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 14:18

And your fatigue and your lull translates over into spills over into me and to our relationship and our relationship at home with the kids. So it was not yeah, just not getting into dirt nitty gritty, but it just wasn't a good wasn't a fun time.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Well, those those few days weren't, you know, leading up to I say it got better at Friday, didn't it?

SPEAKER_01 14:41

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe.

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Yeah, and then by Sunday, he like you're everything's great. No, you're exhausted. Oh, yeah, yeah, I was tired. You just want to sleep.

SPEAKER_00 14:49

Yeah, and and you know, the the fun thing about that is like, okay, say this was 20 years ago, I think, oh my god, what am I doing? You know, but this time I knew I was like, okay, Sean, you're tired. Um, you're a little stressed, you know. Uh yeah, you have these thoughts and these feelings, but they're not gonna last. Right. And and there was a s some self-awareness. Now, that's the weird part is you kind of know that in the back of your head, but you really feel in the front of who you are all the emotion.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

Because that's who you are. Yeah, that's how you that's how you roll, that's how you feel, you know. Your your emotions, he doesn't have very many of them, and that's in the report. That's in the report. But when he does, they're really big and he don't know what to do with them. And so it just becomes like this monster in the room. And so not not whining at all, but you know, being married to someone of your personality or to a pastor in general. I can't speak for all pastors, but your personality is a pastor. These big seasons are not fun. They're not everyone's enjoying time, and you know, they're I mean, there are moments of fun and meaningful, but it's like getting through it's like it's like a chore getting through it. You know, the whole family has to rally to get through this event and to get through that event.

SPEAKER_00 16:00

Which y'all did so beautifully. Yeah, but it's and I and I that was one of the the pieces of joy I had was you know just watching everybody, you know, kind of do their parts and use their gifts, not not in a oh god, we gotta bail dad out kind of way, but you know, there were there was some genuine desire to use gifts, Peyton with her her uh setup for sunrise service with the flowers and then doing the Easter service and Cooper singing, you know. That was just like Emily, even she uses her gifts, she posts the pictures online, you know, and she's always capturing sweet moments, promoting it, promoting it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

So it is work though, it is a lot of work, and and again, I I I'm taking it as the look of if we better understand each other, and I've always tried to tell the kids, you know, they don't they're older now, but especially when they were younger, they just didn't get it. That these seasons create stress for you, and the stress manifests itself in different ways, and so trying to help them think about that, predict that like, hey, don't go ask him for blank blank blank, which is usually stupid stuff.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

You do come asking for some stupid things, don't go annoy him, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_01 17:09

Like, have y'all not learned, you know, and again, they weren't they weren't very self-reflective, they weren't looking at the bigger picture, and so I think I've tried to use that in our in our family and helping them understand because then they would come to me, why is he like that? Why is he in a bad mood? You know, complain. Hey, understand this this happened at the creamery. This actually happened at the creamery. One of our staff members had an issue and it was a legitimate issue, and I very much appreciate her calling because that meant that meant a piece of equipment was not working, and that meant significant loss of sales in a particular area. But it happened on Good Friday. No, it was Monday. Yeah, Cooper I had just come back from taking him to prom. She called Sean and he was preparing for the service, and he was kind of in the middle of his meltdown.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

50 minutes, like like we're within the hour leading up to the service.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

And she had no clue because she didn't. She's not she doesn't go to church, you know. We're in a tradition that has Maundy Thursday. And so she wasn't that wasn't even on her radar. She's radar is the creamery. And I don't think the conversation went too well. So then she calls me and she's like, Well, obviously your husband is not in the mood to talk. No, he's not. Uh he's got church in just, you know, like 45 minutes or so. And uh she and I worked through a temporary solution because there was no other solution at the time. Just shut the piece of equipment down and we don't have that particular item. I can't do anything about it. I am not mechanical. And uh, anyway, I'm I'm not, and I'm going to church. I'm on my way to the church service. So we dealt with it. He and her made up, he recognized, she recognized after the fact. But it's it again, it's trying to be own and recognize where we are, the space we're in, and what what the factors were that were impacting.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

I think I told her something along the lines like, well, if y'all can't figure out, I don't care if you just shut the place down and go home.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

Obviously, she was smart enough to realize that he was just moody and that was not really what we should do. So then she called me.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

She's she's great. That was in the mood. That's why she's our third favorite employee.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

This was my this was part of my frustration of living through Easter, because um, when those kinds of things happen with Sean, then I get the call because you know, big grumpy bear.

SPEAKER_00 19:28

Whatever.

SPEAKER_01 19:29

So then they call me. Anyway, that's kind of that's a that's kind of funny because that's kind of been a pattern over the years.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

I'm stereotyped because of my size.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Grumpy bear. He's so grumpy.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

He's so scary because he's so big.

SPEAKER_01 19:42

No, he is grumpy though. That's true. That's true. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Uh so anyway. But it's a lovable grumpiness.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

Sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

So hey, you know that extra letter that's in this the 16 personality thing?

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:53

Mine's an A.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Okay, and mine Oh, you lost your thing.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

It's around here somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 19:58

Yeah, I think it's a J, I think.

SPEAKER_00 19:59

Okay. So I and I don't know where they get this. Uh I have to reach out to my friend Chris. He he loves all these kind of things. Uh, but mine is A for assertive. Okay, now now the the thing about the assertive part, uh, where was this little synopsis? Um Okay. Let's see. Yours is a T. Turbulent.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Really? Is that what it says?

SPEAKER_00 20:22

That's what the T means.

SPEAKER_01 20:23

Oh, great.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Turbulence. Yeah. Um the let's see. Ba ba ba bah ba. Let me read through there. Uh I just want to read the little short version here. You're likely self-assured, even-tempered, and resistant to stress.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

And you have to admit Resistant to stress?

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Most of the time, I mean. Most of the time. No, no, I am. When I have big things come up, I don't know always. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

And then I love this part, the the way it ends, refusing to worry too much. You have to admit, you have to admit on a day-to-day basis who worries more.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Oh, me 100%.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I refuse to worry about it. I I will let something burn to the ground before I worry sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 21:05

I'm worried about worry not worrying enough. All right.

SPEAKER_00 21:09

That may be the most accurate thing I've ever heard before. I worry about not worrying enough. Can I put that on a t-shirt?

SPEAKER_01 21:15

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:17

How many people would buy that t-shirt?

SPEAKER_01 21:18

I don't know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:19

If you would buy that shirt, let me know. Okay. Yeah. I worry about not worrying enough. That is gold.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

Yeah, there you go. I just I just coined it.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

There is there is a whole whole market out there of people like you. I have no there, there's you're not alone.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Okay, so mine is the so my so you get the four letters, which is kind of again like the Meyer Briggs. Then there's a fifth letter at the end, and we had not looked it up till now.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

No, we really haven't.

SPEAKER_01 21:42

So mine was T, as in Tom, and you said it was turbulent, and I just looked it up. Turbulent individuals in the 16 personalities framework are success driven, perfectionist, and self conscious, often motivated by stress and a desire for self improvement.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

They are highly self. Self-aware, sensitive to potential problems, and prone to overthinking, which can lead to high achievement, anxiety, and a strong need for forgiveness. So you can see how we are very different people.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_01 22:12

He don't worry about anything. I worry about everything.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Mine says they aim they aim for goals and want successful results, but they typically won't let nervousness color the path to their accomplishments.

SPEAKER_01 22:22

Yeah. He just rolls like he was.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Typically at it. Yeah, I mean, you know.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

And I'm worried about every little step and all the pieces along the way. And so, you know, we're laughing about it right now because we're not living in those moments of turbulent or stress or anxiety, whatever. But that but you can see quickly how we're very different.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

The little headline, I guess you probably have it, power of stress activate.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

What does it say?

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Uh you you see this right here?

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Oh, okay. I'm just looking at a different page.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

Yeah, you're looking at the page. Yeah. So um under the turbulent personality, the little headline is power of stress, comma, activate exclamation mark. I love it. I love it. It's like it's like you move by stress.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

Yeah. Well, uh well, again here it says, My strength is highly attentive to detail, motivated, introspective, dedicated to improvement. One of the things your said was procrastination, wants to be alone, you know. So you can see just very quickly how we're very different.

SPEAKER_00 23:19

That's you said the magic word alone.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

That but I mean that but think about but think about the implications just for those who are listening. You know, think about someone who doesn't worry, who doesn't care, just wants to be locked in the room alone with the air conditioner on, cold blast, and be lost in his thoughts, procrastinate, not do any of the stuff we've talked about. And I'm over here, attention to every detail, want it to be a certain way. So that affects how we raise our children, that affects how we pay our bills, how we clean the house, the chores. And so there is the potential for a lot of conflict. Sure. You're over here chilled out, not caring about nothing.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

I'm gonna say it the way you said it, but from my perspective.

SPEAKER_01 24:04

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 24:05

So imagine we're just trying to relax and and and have some some quality time with our thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 24:11

There's no we in that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:13

Well, you said we, and and so, okay. Um, and and enjoy the peace of life and and really take apart some of the big mysteries of life and really put some time and thought into that. And somebody's running around the house worried about, you know, why these socks are on the floor or why this is not in order. And and so it's like there's all this activity and not a lot of calm and quiet and reflection time.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Except you're usually you have been given the opportunity to stay in the room and no one the door shut. I'm with you.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

I'm with you, I'm with you, I'm with you. But what I'm saying is from the perspective though, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

So you see, but you can't unravel the mysteries of life in an afternoon. It takes days.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

That's why I tell, don't I tell you you should go away for several days?

SPEAKER_00 24:53

You do, you do, and I have. I went away in January this year, and it was great.

SPEAKER_01 24:57

You know, again, what gosh, we could have fun with this and debate this all day, but I think the the the point is trying to understand on both sides. That's right. On both sides, that we have unique personalities, and I've always wondered, you know, where do those come from? Are they God given? Were we born with them? Is it genetic? You know, and I don't know that we can solve that either.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

How long are we in utero?

SPEAKER_01 25:19

I mean, you know, I mean I've always, you know, and actually one of my areas in here is understanding, trying to understand. And I've always wondered that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

Which which I have to admit, I I'm sorry, I don't want to cut you off from your thought. But it's such a it's such a like that understanding piece to me has become more I've become more aware of that is important to you because when we have a conflict, you want to know why something happened. And I'm like, what does it matter? We were in conflict, we're moving towards resolution.

SPEAKER_01 25:50

And you've said those exact words. Why does it matter?

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Why does it matter?

SPEAKER_01 25:52

It matters to me.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Well, I'm understanding that more. And I'm like, What are you what are you after?

SPEAKER_01 25:58

Understanding.

SPEAKER_00 25:59

You're just after understanding. I'm like, I don't know if we're ever gonna understand what puts somebody in a bad mood.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

But if you but if you go back to my Clifton strengths, yeah, one of my top five is intellection and input.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

Me too. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

But input also just information. Just information. And I use that strength differently than you do. That's right. You use it in a different way.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Yeah, and and that's a beautiful thing.

SPEAKER_01 26:19

If you're watching like a rope tying video or like that's your information.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

You never know when that's gonna come handy.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Right. And I don't care about that. I but I seek to un yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:27

So so again, it's and and no, on that point though, you're absolutely right. We have different gifts, and or we have the same gifts, but we use them in different ways.

SPEAKER_01 26:36

In some instances, yes. And so I I think where we've had, and and I will tell you, those who are listening, we're now in a better place where we can at least recognize those things. Because we've been together so long, this is age-old Sean and Courtney fighting. Like we have fought about the same issues our whole life together. You know, I could never understand in college why he would, you know, sleep all the time and not do his homework, or why he wouldn't get up to do blank. Or, you know, just and I'm using I'm talking about me.

SPEAKER_00 27:10

Yeah, yeah, you're good. So I never I'm reconciled to it.

SPEAKER_01 27:13

Never understood, you know, and why he would procrastinate, why he couldn't get it done, you know, and just and I'm I've I've always been a self-motivated person. So I didn't need my girlfriend or my mom or whoever telling me to get it done. I you know, I just did it. And then it frustrated me, and then he was frustrated with me because I wouldn't let it go.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

And and I was driven by the deadline. Oh, wait a minute, this didn't do till Tuesday. I got like five days before I have to think about this.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Oh, it's due in an hour?

SPEAKER_00 27:40

Well, yeah, you know, and and I remember I I was horrible about it in college. I I wrote papers the night of.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Maybe the day of, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

Well, I just meant the night before. Right? Yeah. Yeah. So I, you know, but but that was that fuels, I I think that that fits with my personality. I'll sit back and think about it, but I won't actually take action until I have to.

SPEAKER_01 28:01

And because I was worried, but because I loved him and eventually thought I wanted to marry him, I'm like, I need this kid to graduate. You know, he doesn't need to flunk basic college algebra. I need him to pass. And yes, I did some of his homework for him so he could get it done.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

Have I ever done any of your homework? No. Never? Not often. I've helped you with stuff.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

Yeah, you've helped me with stuff, but I've never like, hey, hey, do this for me.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:24

No. Like, help me with this problem.

SPEAKER_00 28:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

I've never just given you the assignment. I think I wrote a paper for you once on music or something.

SPEAKER_00 28:31

Visually?

SPEAKER_01 28:32

Yeah, I don't know why. I don't know nothing about it.

SPEAKER_00 28:33

How'd you do that?

SPEAKER_01 28:34

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

That was way before anything Chad GBT.

SPEAKER_01 28:38

Oh yeah. Who knows? But anyway. Anyway. So so we've had a good time kind of.

SPEAKER_00 28:44

Yeah, I I had Courtney.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

Yeah. We've and and I've definitely did your college algebra and turned it in for you, but we had this we had the class together.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

Mr. Jamil.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

Yeah. So it it's just it's always fun. I I mean, I enjoyed this particular one because one of the things I enjoyed was specifically it talks about some relationship stuff. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:04

Let me scroll down to my relationship.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

Some of this is actually stuff that we have said to one another when we're fighting. And now we can laugh about it right now.

SPEAKER_00 29:13

We're laughing, right? We are laughing.

SPEAKER_01 29:14

And so one of them is this is specifically talking about your personality traits in relationships. And so one of them, if we're looking at strengths, I I'm an attentive listener, I'm loyal, uh, I am empathetic, you know, those kind of things. But if we're looking at the weaknesses, which is you know what we're trying to be, I know you're laughing. Something must be wrong.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

When I explain it to you, you'll you're gonna laugh. It's even better. The picture has another detail in it that we couldn't see on the phone. This is great.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

Well, some of my weaknesses are reluctant to open up, and that is something he has called out on me when he's mad at me.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Oh, well, because I've asked you questions like, well, how do you feel? I'm not ready to talk right now. Or no, no, that's not what you'll say. You'll say something like very like a state of uh of of where you're at, like physically. Yeah. Well, I'm in a room with you. It's like, okay, well, you didn't say you didn't answer my question.

SPEAKER_01 30:08

But it and here it says, reluctant to open up, you tend to conceal your inner struggles, preventing others from fully understanding your emotional needs because you are sensitive to perceived criticism and you uh often neglect your own needs because you're worried about others' needs.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

I can't help you because you won't tell me.

SPEAKER_01 30:27

Yeah. But but I mean, but you know, again, I I I guess I'm afraid of those those feelings being used against me because because yours is so logical and rational, very much so that I'm afraid, well, if I tell you I'm feeling blank, well, there's no reason. There's no reason for you to feel that way. That's right. Yeah, so why would I tell you that? But anyway, you go ahead and share what was funny.

SPEAKER_00 30:48

Oh, okay. So um there's a picture uh on the if you get an email to you and stuff, and um you had a picture on yours, I think, didn't you?

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Yeah, everything was calm and they were is in nature.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

And they're like sitting in chairs together, reading. Reading a book, yeah. So mine is you got this Tony Stark looking dude um sitting in a in a lab on the floor looking at a manual, manuals putting together a robot, and there's all these computers. And behind him, he's on the floor, prone on his belly, with his hand under his chin, very contemplative. And this woman standing behind him, I'm guessing that's his wife. Look at the picture. What what do you see?

SPEAKER_01 31:25

Oh, it's Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

It's Valentine's Day.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Yeah, and he's lost in his thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 31:29

He is lost in his project, his problem solving.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

And she got her hand on her hip, and she got a pissy look on her face.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Is that not us? Well, I mean, to some degree.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

Yeah. You know, I I You don't like Valentine's Day anymore.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

But it's dumb. It's just emotional. Yeah, it's uh it's just dumb. Okay. It has no significance to us. You know, I'd rather make a big deal out of January 8th when we started dating and stuff. Anyways, which we do, but but yeah, it's just funny. That's even funnier.

SPEAKER_01 31:59

We'll have to put these images to find a way to scan it and you know, put mine and put yours.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

We'd probably rip it off and download it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll have to do that. Anyways, but yeah, um, genuine honesty, uh, your preference for truthfulness creates trust. These are on the strong side, you know. Um health, uh encouraging healthier, more sincere relationships, that's good. Okay. However, on the weakness side, I'm emotionally distant. Intellectualizing emotions can unintentionally create distance in our relationships. I don't but I I I've confessed that I don't know how to deal with emotions.

SPEAKER_01 32:34

Well, how many times have I said you're so cold? You're just cold. Have I not used that word specifically? Exactly. Emotionally distant.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

I know. I'm trying to I'm trying to rationalize what I'm feeling, and and that doesn't translate very well.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

I told y'all he doesn't like emotion.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Yeah, doesn't know what to do with it. It's weird. Um let's see. Oh, yeah, waiting for others to lead socially can limit new bonds. Okay. Uh easily exhausted by socializing. Which you've given me grief about. Well, how how are you a pastor? And and it's true. I I what do I do after what do I do in this in this rhythm after church?

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Yeah, you gotta go sit in your office and be alone for like 30 minutes. Well, not that long all the time.

SPEAKER_00 33:14

Sometimes sometimes. But yeah, I I will find a cup of coffee, go sit in my office in the quiet, and everybody's out, all the lights are off in the church, and it's just me.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

And the kids are at home. When dad's coming home, when are we having lunch? When are we gonna eat?

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Yeah, y'all start eating. I'll be there shortly, you know.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

Or he'll come home and go to his room. Food will be on the table, and they're like, Are you coming to eat?

SPEAKER_00 33:34

Well, I'm not hungry. I'm just like, you know.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Yeah, or a dinner or time anytime.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

I know, yeah, I know, and and and you know, and I think if you're listening to this and you're saying, Well, why don't you just discipline past all this stuff, right? Uh, you know, Courtney, why don't you just stop worrying? And Sean, why don't you be more active or or whatever it is, you know, be less in your head. And and I think one of the things we gotta really acknowledge is this is a part of who we are, and you can do that to an extent, like like you have to face your worries and your fears, right? You don't get you know they don't control you ultimately. And I have to I do have to be disciplined, you know, and and I gotta buckle down and get on the calendar and send some emails out and all those kind of things. However, you can't deny who you are. Right. I mean that that that there's a vote in that, you know. Yeah, not not completely. I think that's really self-inverse. And I'm the guy who says who who reminds people what Jesus says, deny yourself, you know, pick up your cross and that and uh but I I think in doing so we also acknowledge that that there's knowing who we are is a big part of of following God and and really doing it it in a in an honorable way because I know I get bogged down in my thoughts. And I know that I get emotionally distant. Okay, well, you know, it that gives me some strengths, right? I I'm I'm the calm in the storm uh most of the time, but at the same time, uh I'm I'm emotionally distant. So how do I how do I work that out for the good of the kingdom? And and that as we've talked uh when we've met with Alan and Shauna and we've done other things, we know that if we really want to rock solid marriage, we're not just focusing on each other, but we're focused on how we serve and love God. And so, well, how do I do that as for the good of the kingdom? That's gonna translate to how do I love Courtney better.

SPEAKER_01 35:25

A lot of this is just awareness, right? Being willing to being willing first, being willing to take a hard look at yourself, laugh at yourself, you know, just be honest. Yeah. So that's really what that's really what this is.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

And if you've got an anniversary, like like we're experiencing now, it it's a good time to do so. Like just to take a little inventory, you know, whether it's a personality assessment like this, or or maybe it's uh uh some silly question, you know, search survey out of a you could get out of a magazine or online or something, you know, uh, you know, uh top twenty questions about your spouse, and you can answer them privately and then come share your answers to see if you know each other as well as you think you do.

SPEAKER_01 36:08

Yeah. And do it when you're in a healthy place.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 36:11

You're you know, you're both willing, you're in a good mood, you can laugh about it, and and you know, it makes for fun conversation and not to throw in each other's face later, but really just to help better, you know, understand and and and reflect on one another, yourself, what you bring to the relationship, what your partner needs. I mean, that's a lot of different things to consider. I mean, it it is, it's work. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 36:35

It is work, you know, it can be fun, but it's the intentional part of what we've been saying for right this entire podcast. You have to be intentional.

SPEAKER_01 36:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:42

And if you're not aware of these things and and focusing on them and and it at least just talking about them, praying about them, you know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Absolutely. So we wanted to share that with everybody. The again, the test was sixteen personalities. Go Google that.

SPEAKER_00 36:56

Sixteen as in the number. The number sixteen. Personalities.com.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So it's fun. It's free. Take it. And we've had we we've even asked our kids to take it. So that's yeah, that was fun.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

We got one we're holding out on. I can't wait to hear that one.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Yeah, yeah, that's been fun. So I'm just taking just a moment. Again, thanking everybody for listening. This has been a a fun adventure that we've been able to do together. I don't know where that leads or how it, you know, grows in in the future, but it is really fun and and heartening to know that people are listening and seeing people from all over the place that I'm I don't we don't know. I'm not sure how they found it or whatever, or people share it. I'm not sure. I know uh several people listen to it when they're traveling and things like that. We often do those things too. So thank you for that. And we hope, you know, you're able to maybe laugh. Maybe it's just funny, uh, maybe it's just entertaining. It keeps you from, you know, falling asleep at the wheel. But maybe there's just a few nuggets of things that you you can say, yeah, that really made sense for me. And I want to think about that or I want to pray about that. So thank you for continuing on the um adventure with us. And I do want to say happy anniversary. 27 years seems like a long time, but it really in some ways it uh has gone by incredibly fast. So it is pretty amazing to know that we've been married 27 years, but have been together m you know several years more than that. So all our the majority of our lives.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Yeah, it's been very sweet. And and uh it it we do we do joke about having a lot of conflicts, but there's even more of the sweet times and the the intimate uh wonderful moments where we where we got to uh just experience life with with a partner who wants the best for us and wants the good things for us. So thank you for being that for me.

SPEAKER_01 38:50

Yeah, I love you. Happy anniversary. All right, guys. Thanks for going on the adventure with us. Can't wait to have you join us next time.