4 Burners Theory E51

What have you sacrificed or turned down for career, family, friends or your health? Courtney and Shawn talk through the various seasons of life where this theory played out in different ways. The 4 Burners Theory challenges you to consider what success looks like and what your willing to give up in order to be successful in various aspects of life. Is it possible to have it all?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:15

All right, Sean, we just finished our 50th episode.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

We're in the uh hunt for a hundred now, right? Seventy-five.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Well, it's a goal that we have to give ourselves so that we can stay on task, right?

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Yeah, especially since we set a modest goal for the year of two episodes a month, and here we are on the 29th of June recording, so that maybe I'll get this edited and posted tomorrow so we can kind of be on the little behind our goal, but we're trying.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

We're trying.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

That's it. We know a busy one. Which which, you know, busyness is uh kind of on point for today's conversation too, though.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

It is. So I'm gonna just take a moment and go back to the 50th. And we're excited. That's um a milestone for us. I think that we're really excited about to be able to hit 50 episodes. Like, wow, we've done that. Uh we're we're looking at launching our own Facebook page for Adventures in Marriage. So we're gonna be looking to hopefully do that in the next week or two. So stay tuned. And want to thank Rachel and Jeremy Thomas for being our guest. We've been talking about bringing in some other people, we haven't executed that well, and so it was great that we were able to throw them into the fire. Haven't seen both of them together in years, and we get the chance to see them and we greet each other for about 10, 15 minutes, then we're like, okay, great, let's go, let's go record a podcast. So we uh I think that was great for us to have as memories with them.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

It was it was unexpected too, because I think um and not like completely, like they just showed up at randomly, but you know, as we were planning the last couple of months, that really just developed over a few weeks. Couple weeks.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

And I would love to bring in some more people.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

I think it's always we're we're overdue for more people, I think. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

So one of the things that we talked about, and it it all blends together into this episode. Uh, those Jeremy and Rachel are two of our first couples' friends that we had when we got married. You know, you go into a marriage, you've got friends, and I've got friends, or friends that we've known you know mutually, but to have a specifically, I remember you were friends with Jeremy before, and he married Rachel, brought her down to Nacchitish, and it was like kind of like you inherited. Yeah, like hey, yeah, uh, Rachel is new, Rachel doesn't have any friends, so let's all be friends.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

And we were, you know, this similar in age, we hadn't been married within the same time early in our career, obviously lived in the same small town, and there was a lot of reason, it made a lot of sense on why we would all be friends.

SPEAKER_00 2:59

Yeah, I do want to put out Jeremy's older. So Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

And and I will say, not nothing against you and Jeremy, but because you were all friends first, but Rachel and I have carried on the friendship more in terms of communication and staying in touch.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Pure volume, absolutely, absolutely. Uh and and that is uh a wonderful trait, I think, uh um of yours and and Rachel's and and women largely in general. Uh guys, however, um we will pick up usually after not seeing each other and kind of continue with the same childish jokes and the same stories and and we're good, you know, and then we'll go on radio silence for a while and then we'll pick up again. And so but y'all do a great job of of keeping the relational fires stoked. So good for that.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Yeah, and and just going back, and and again, nothing that we didn't talk about before, but just th thinking about it and and really reflecting on it, you know, there was a lot of life that we did with them. Yes and those and I I I went back and and on our Instagram and uh on my personal Facebook posted a few pictures of our time with them, and r really that was through marriage and then through having children, and then we really worked to continue that relationship when because we we all they have two girls, we had two girls, and then Cooper came along, but really trying to keep the girls all connected because they were all about the same age. Yes, and so there were lots of pictures over the years where there have been pictures of the girls, and we've that might have met meeting up in Shreveport, meeting in East Texas. You know, we went one time at Christmas to one of the East Texas towns, maybe Marshall, and did a little there's a picture of you holding Jordan with a little riding a Christmas train. And so, you know, you really think, gosh, we really put a lot of intention in maintaining those relationships, and then life just got maybe full speed ahead and got way faster than any of us can get.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Once your kids get to the, I don't know, what is that called adolescence or middle school? Middle school between years, yeah. It gets harder and and definitely the activities increase and and those breakaway moments where you can spend uh things, time doing the doing things together gets harder to do because the kids are involved and engaging so much. Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

Especially for us because our kids were involved in a winter sport, soccer. Yeah. So a lot of our free time was tied up with that. But you know, uh also the the job took them further and further away geographically. When they were in Texas, it was easier, you know, driving. But um certainly Oklahoma and then Illinois for them um became big challenges.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

So I I heard once uh that a friendship in order to last, to have the the sustaining power of of like a lifetime, need you know, is and distance and all those kind of things that happen with life, needs a good uh six-year start on average. Now you can do it with less and sometimes you can have more and it didn't work. But but I I would say I don't I don't know how many years we had there in Nackerish together, but you know, with Jeremy and um and me hanging out in college and stuff, and then afterwards r having family and stuff together, we had the that that sort of that germination, if you will, of a great you know, relationship there that's that's been sustained over the years.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

So that that related to us of basically what we wanted to talk about today, which was a theory that you've heard of before I did. And we were actually in Vegas and we were just chatting as we walked a lot and just did different things. We had time to chat and just talk about stuff. And one of them was what you had heard of or read about before, the four burners theory.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

And I'm not even sure how you heard about it. You you you are more kind of random knowledge than I am. Like you just read random different things. Yes. Right. So do you remember how you heard about it?

SPEAKER_00 6:51

Absolutely not. Probably one of the many, many, many reels on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. Very true. Uh there's a lot learned uh uh and some of it retained and and and a very small amount of it useful. Uh like the like today's conversation. And I don't remember exactly where, but uh it could have been like a I don't know, I wouldn't be surprised it's like a Joe Rogan clip or something, you know. Um so but you know, the the point is I I do remember seeing that and it caught my interest, and you know, I'm I'm not afraid to go down a rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

And uh started looking into it, and it's just like, oh, okay, there there is some truth to this, you know. You you cannot do everything all the time.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

So let's explain it quickly, and then uh I'll say before we get into the explanation of it, when you told it to me, it was kind of a light bulb moment for me. Like this really applies, like not everything applies to everybody. We know that.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

And and we're and we're gonna caveat, we're gonna just say this on the front end and we won't address it a whole lot more. Uh, this is more, I would say, of a secular theory.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Because it has four burners that don't involve faith.

SPEAKER_02 8:02

Yeah. And burners meaning like obviously like a gas stove. We're talking about a stovetop.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Like a stovetop, that's right. Yeah. And so uh you have a burner for family, one for friends, one for your health, and one for work or your career. And and the theory is to be successful, but this is kind of you know, Google calls it the premise, the core premise, you have to turn off. I love it it says off. You have to turn off one burner to be successful.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

And and and again, we'll preface that right there. What what does success mean?

SPEAKER_00 8:36

Oh, absolutely. There's a lot that's why it's a theory and not a test or rule or whatever. Yeah, there's a lot of theory, a lot of yeah, subjectivity in this. And then to be extremely successful, you have to turn off two burners.

SPEAKER_03 8:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

And that right there was like, oh, wait a minute, I have to choose. Which which of course, you know, subconsciously we choose all the time, but this idea that uh I I've been making these choices for the last, you know, uh, let's say 30 years, uh, it's it's kind of like, oh, I thought I I I just kind of thought this is the way it is. But no, I I I make choices all the time. So what I'm gonna invest in.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

When you said it, for me it was a again, it was kind of a light bulb moment. I I do then you say something and you're like, oh, I read that 30 seconds, and then I kind of deep dive into it and really started thinking about it. And again, we're it's a theory, right? We're not saying this is true for everybody, everybody's different. Uh and again, what does success mean? But I I think when I think of it, I'm really thinking about your sustainability as a human being, your emotional capacity, your mental capacity, burnout. Burnout's been something that we've been talking a lot about as a couple. And, you know, I even imagine, because we have a gas stovetop. I can even imagine that what does it look like if not all four are on, or maybe two are not completely off, maybe two are simmering, right? Maybe, maybe, maybe three are on normal, right? Maybe one is on full blast, you know. We have that one burner right in the corner that like makes the water boil super fast and it's it's always really high. Right. And then what if you had you know two that were normal and one that was really, really low? So what what I was thinking about is is exactly what you just said. It's choices.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:25

We're making choices all the time, and and those choices, I would bet, are different day to day, but in there are seasons in your life where you're making general decisions or general choices. And I began to think about well, what does that look what does that look like for me as a person? And then what does that look like for me and you as a couple?

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Yeah, there's uh it looks like it's a doctor on on LinkedIn talked about that about embracing seasons. And so it's funny you say that, uh, and and just accept exactly what you said, the priorities are gonna change over our lifetime, right? And and so sometimes we're gonna turn up work, you know, because we haven't started the family yet. And so early on we're really focused on our career. Then the kids come along and and you know, maybe we're thinking more about the kids, and and uh, and then we look in the mirror one day and we're like, wow, where'd those 20 pounds come from? And so now I'm really focused on my health and you know, and so on and so forth. And and and and it's like, well, okay, we're in a different season. Our kids um they don't need us nearly as much. They for transportation and day to day. Uh they have jobs, they you know, for the most part. Um they we still do things together. Praise God. I'm so grateful for that, even though I grumble from time to time. Um thanks for the face there. I appreciate that. That was deserved. Uh but but the fact is we can do some things to put back into our careers, our relationships, um, whatever, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

And I think friendships even.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Well, because some of the some of the demands on our time for the kids have gone down.

SPEAKER_02 12:04

And I'll say, uh I'll reflect on me personally. Um, I think it is true for me that work has always been a top burner.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

Oh, that one burns hot for you.

SPEAKER_02 12:14

It burns hot, and I don't really have a good explanation as to why I'm driven, you know, achievers high in my top five, all those things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

You're a list maker, and you're and so so people like having you on their team because let's face it, you get things done.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

So work has always burned hot. Not just even in this job I'm in now, but it's always burn hot. And that can be very stressful. But at the same time, and I remember I really uh struggled because the family part of it was so important and trying to be there and make connections and memories and be there for the kids. And a lot of times, sometimes those would, you know, they would c they would conflict, right? So those two for me probably were the top two burners. Um but when when you shared the theory with me a few weeks ago, immediately I knew it was friends. Friends, one hundred percent, thousand percent.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

That that's what suffered for us. That's what had to be turned down for us, right?

SPEAKER_02 13:15

So certainly for me, yes, certainly for me. I think it's true for us as a couple, but I'm a friendly guy though. You are, but but I remember being when we were younger and we didn't have kids or they were very young. Friends were a big part of of our life. One, we didn't live close to family, we were a good hour away. Uh, we were married, newly married couple, and and yeah, we you know, we didn't do a whole lot of like me and you date nights, I guess because it was always us. But we had, I don't know, I can remember two, three, four, five couple friends that we would like it was always Friday or Saturday. We were always gonna go eat, go to a movie, hang out, maybe even during the week. We we did joke with Jeremy and Rachel. Uh we used to all belong to a little gym at the local hospital. Yes. And we'd all meet up there after work, which I guess, you know, you're you're putting health and your friendship together. I mean, that was a combination, which is very social.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

We were not getting jacked, you know.

SPEAKER_02 14:11

But I mean, we were just moving.

SPEAKER_00 14:12

That's right. Moving and being social and burning a little energy at the end of a long day and that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

And all those things really went by the wayside, as you said, not only because we had kids, um, then we moved, we moved from you know, though those people I'm mentioning are in a specific city, and we all we moved. Every all a lot of us did that were in there. And so we then split up and went to other cities. You started a new career, a whole new career. Yeah, that took us in a very different direction. So it was your work, but that was our burner, right? It was your career, but it became our burner.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

Yeah, that that's uh that's a really trippy way of looking at it too, because um, you know, you're married, so so those burners are are affected by by a spouse sometimes, but y'all have to be in that together, or we really, because you know, you're really gonna have a mess in the kitchen then.

SPEAKER_02 15:05

Right. Your burner caused us to move to a whole different city.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yes. Yeah, and a couple of times.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

They yeah, you so things really got shifted then and and as you said, then looking at seasons of our life, the the kids got into when they were younger, they just kind of had to go along with whatever we did because they didn't have a choice. But then as they started to get older and in the middle school, because that's really where it starts to flip, I think, their activities started to take a big part of our time with after school practice and weekends and travel and you know, Peyton. I remember it started as early as Peyton being in travel cheer, you know. Remember, remember that blast from the past, you know.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Yeah, and I specifically remember the relief we felt when we broke up with travel cheer.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

You did?

SPEAKER_00 15:51

No, no, I I really do. I I I just remember I was thinking, we can't do this. And and we we got out of it, and there was a it was a sense of relief. And I thought, okay, we've got a little bit of our sanity back because that was that was very demanding at that time with the other things we had going on, career-wise, family-wise, and everything else.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

So then we did it to ourselves and put our son to travel soccer. And that was demanding on me primarily.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

I concur. Yeah. It was it was demanding on you.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

It is and we broke and we had to break and we and we did. We broke up with it this year because he joined another sport and we had the business and you know, so there was some relief there too. Like, oh, you know, so I there are definitely seasons and trying to recognize those seasons is important, I think, because I think when we we start to get stressed or we're burned out, and burned out seems very appropriate with the burners, right? The the analogy here. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

But we've we've boiled everything out of the pot, now the pot's starting to scald and there's nothing left.

SPEAKER_02 16:56

And and part of us talking about that is is that social part of it was friendship. It's just having and having friendship that wasn't tied to anything. Tied to that's been a tough one.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Like a lot of work friends for you, a lot of a lot of relationships I've built in church, which are which I don't call work relationships, but at the same time, they're very much tied to my role as pastor. There's no doubt about that.

SPEAKER_02 17:22

And so sometimes doesn't it seem nice just to have some friends that have nothing to do with any of that? There's no tie to that. So if I wanted to, you know, say something stupid or, you know, we, you know, there are no professional uh have a drink or whatever it is, there's no implication, you know. Sometimes, you know, there are relationships that are more, you know, work related to let your hair down, Corney.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

Yeah. Yeah. But you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:54

And so I I know for me personally, the the friendship side of things uh really has not been existent. It really hasn't. I mean, yes, there are dear friends that are associated with with work and things, but the social part of it was really yeah, y'all are coming together to uh achieve something, accomplish a task, you know.

SPEAKER_00 18:15

But the the socialization, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

And then I think back when we were younger, even before uh right as we were getting married. I mean, every every Friday or Saturday, we were meeting up. It was game night and let's all go to dinner.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

How many how much chips and salsa have we had in our lifetime? My gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

Every Thursday, every Thursday night, simpaticos.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

I remember. Every Thursday night. Yeah, out when it was out by the interstate. Yes. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Yeah, we don't do that. Like that happened in a long time. So so it's just been really uh because I've been in a season of reflection anyway, and and when you mentioned that to me, it just kind of it really became um something that I thought of. But but I think that you know, as in a marriage, you have your own seasons and you have to realize where you're at as an individual, but then where are you at as a couple, and I think that's important.

SPEAKER_00 19:05

And and we were talking about this in prep, um going back to probably COVID, that's when I would I would say we we kind of became aware of this. Uh not the Fort Burner thing, but just aware of how important our relationship was um uh not only between you and me, but with the kids and everything else, you know, because we had all this time where we're thrusted together and so we made the most of it and and uh societally you would see where people were were just cracking and falling apart because they didn't have a great relationship to build on, and so their dysfunction was magnified. And so uh and there not that we don't have any dysfunction, there's plenty there, uh, but we praise God had a lot of good things to to be magnified as well. And so we really I I would say that was about the time we started to make our marriage like a vocal priority, you know, like like we've always loved each other and cared for each other, things like that, but consciously we said, you know what, this this burner And said it out loud, right? Yeah, we didn't have the language then, but we but we essentially, you know, retroactively we're looking back and we're saying that burner we're gonna keep hot. We're gonna keep that one full on.

SPEAKER_02 20:18

Well, I think part of that too, because the world was just a really scary place. Yeah, you didn't know what was gonna happen, you didn't have the opportunity to socialize with a whole lot of people. So we were really gonna cling to each other and to our family. We spent a lot of family time together, and those were those were good memories. And we we look, we took some great trips in 2020 and 2021. We took some really twenty two, didn't we? In 2020, we went to St. Augustine and made that big drive. And then 2021 is uh when we did Yell uh Yellowstone. Okay, yeah and Grand Tetons, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

Yeah, so good stuff.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

Some big like core memory trips, you know, like lots of road time together. Um and so I you know, uh where are we at now? Where like if you had to evaluate yourself for your four burners personally, where are you where do you think I mean I think I I know the answer to some of it, but yeah for to hear from you, where do you think you're at?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

Um, okay. Like I I would say my my my family and my career are probably burning the hottest. Health, it's on.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

It needs to be on.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

It's on.

SPEAKER_02 21:28

It better be on.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

It's on.

SPEAKER_02 21:30

Um it almost got turned off.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Bad joke. It's okay. I like it. You know I'm here for the dark humor.

SPEAKER_02 21:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Um health. Health is one of those that flares up every now and then. It's like, oh, it's it's hot.

SPEAKER_02 21:43

It's a tick tick tick from the gas.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Oh, well, no, no. We we've got gas and we have a spark. We have fire.

SPEAKER_02 21:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:48

Uh it's just it's just not burning bright. And then I would say I'd I'd go back to friends, you know. Um and that probably sounds horrible because because people think uh Well you're a pastor, you you gotta have a lot of friends and and I and I have a lot of good relationships, loving relationships, genuinely. Uh but but when you serve in that role that that's not always a friendship. You know, there there's a there is still a a a a spiritual sort of uh nature there that it makes a little different, you know.

SPEAKER_02 22:24

Yeah. And so um yeah. I I mean obviously health is one that has uh reared its head that you you have to focus on at least to some degree. That's right. Now, could it be more? Absolutely. Not even gonna ask if you made your phone call today for your health appointment follow-up.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Dang it.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

You didn't, did you? I forgot. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 22:43

I mean, I didn't forget. I remembered it in the morning and then I got busy. Yeah. And here we are, it's after five.

SPEAKER_02 22:47

And again, that's kind of a clear example of couples not being on the same page. I know for me, I really want your health to be a top burner, right? I I do, because it was very scary, and I saw what could have happened, and I want you here and I want you healthy, and I want you to feel good, and I've told you that. Right. And so I'm, you know, gently.

SPEAKER_00 23:10

Yeah, but you want me to be healthy so I can be there for you. So it's really all about your relational burner.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 23:16

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_02 23:17

So, you know, here I am gently trying to push.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 23:20

Hey, did you make that call? Hey, did you get that appointment? Hey, did you get that doctor's order? And try not to really trying not to nag too much. And and if it's not as much of a priority to you, which again, isn't that so true in relationships? When something's not a priority to you, but it is to your partner, there causes conflict, you know, trying to get on the same page. So believe that.

SPEAKER_00 23:42

You're yeah, I I'm with you. I'm with you. And that's very true. Uh, how about you as you look at the burners?

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Yeah. So for me, I mean, again, work always been and and we go through seasons, but this season's been a lot because we've had some elections coming up. Yeah, y'all. Some big projects.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

You had another job interview, essentially. Yeah. Um, and the and the city of Western River said yes. They hired y'all again for another four years.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Right. That's right. So that always top burner. Um, family always burns hot. And and I think family, you know, family uh the way I'm interpreting it is your relationship with your spouse and your your children. So it's your immediate family. Uh that remains a top burner for me.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

And and a lot of the notes on this will talk about your extended relatives as well, which which we just have to admit, we we don't we don't get a lot of time for that.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Right. So I'm I'm looking at it and owning it as my relationship with you and my relationship with our kids.

SPEAKER_00 24:39

So so on on our on our stovetop, we have uh two burners that are smaller, and then those big burners you referenced earlier that that really put out a big flame. And I would say our family one is wide open, but it's one of the smaller burners.

SPEAKER_02 24:54

I don't know. I don't know if I would agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

Well, I just mean because we don't have all the extended relatives and all the other stuff and everything else. So that that's a lot of okay. Like it burns hot. Don't get me open, don't get me wrong. Yeah. But but it's really it's pretty focused.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

And and our family, I think, is important to both of us, but in different ways. So uh I'm more you know, did we are we eating dinner together? Yes. Uh are we gonna are we gonna spend any time together? Let's, you know, make sure we're intentional about spending time together. Did their laundry get done? Did we get the groceries they need? You know, I'm taking care of their physical needs. Yes, they're older and and they are much more capable of doing that. But I'm still in that. I want to make sure everybody feels good, they have what they need. Sure. Are you gonna go to that dentist appointment? I got an email reminder from your dentist. Are you going on Thursday? You know, those kinds of things. Yes. Uh, which again, you know, mom, it's mom, it's what moms do. Um so what was it?

SPEAKER_00 25:47

What was it on the Goldbergs? The smother.

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Oh yeah, yeah. You have to if you have to watch that.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

If you haven't smothering, but um not mothering, smothering, yes.

SPEAKER_02 25:55

So for me, that one, you know, is high. Now it's different, and you you alluded to that earlier, it's different. Um two of them are pretty much running their own lives, you know. They go, they do, they whatever, you know, um uh other than just kind of you know checking in with them. I mean, they still live with us, but checking in with them, but that's kind of it. Uh they come to us when they need something, and it's more about just making the relationship, keeping the connection. Uh the the the baby uh actually got his own set of wills recently, so yeah, but but still, you know, he's still young, so it's still where are we going? What are we doing? What do you need?

SPEAKER_00 26:34

Yeah, he's not he's not free and clear.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

No, definitely not. And you know, gotta love the bubble that he lives in, but he doesn't always know what day it is or what time it is or anything, you know, sometimes what month? I don't know, but you know, we're not sure. So there's still some checking in, but but you know, I'm speaking as mom, trying to help do those things, but also here's some space. Yes, you need to go do that. You need to go figure that out. You need because they're build trying to build some skills, trying to build some independence. So you need to go deposit your check. That's good for you to do. You can take my debit card and go grocery shopping. Here's the list because you know, so I've really enjoyed that. That's been nice.

SPEAKER_01 27:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

I have to be intentional with that too, but it's nice. And I try to tell myself it's a learning opportunity for them too, because then they have experience doing it. Well, I've never been grocery shopping. My mom, my mom always just did it.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Yeah, right. Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

I know some kids like that, so I'd like I'd like to give them the experience. Um, health, you know, I I health has always been important to me. So I would I would love to tell you. So it's my third burner. Um I I I would say I'm not gonna be able to label myself as truly very quote successful, because I really try to have three burners going.

SPEAKER_00 27:53

You do a good job with that one though.

SPEAKER_02 27:55

I try.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

No, I really I mean that. Um you mean health? Yeah, yeah. You you you uh moderate yourself well.

SPEAKER_02 28:02

I don't want to sometimes. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

You're well, discipline's high with you. It is, it's in my top five. It yeah, that's that's what allows you to do that. Uh you're much more disciplined than I am.

SPEAKER_02 28:12

Yeah, that's true. I mean, it's just it's a fact. Yeah, you know. No, I mean trying to be funny, it's just a fact. I know.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

It yeah, it is.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

But you know, we're coming at it from different experiences, and I've probably always been disciplined, but my dad died really young. He died at 57, and you're 50 now. And that's another reason why, you know, when you have health issues, I'm gonna freak out more. Yeah, you know, not like boo-hoo and hysterical, but like, uh, we've got to get something done. We gotta take care of this.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

Yeah, you you need to, yeah, I understand. That's why you look at it with that that serious eye.

SPEAKER_02 28:45

I do, you know, I was 30 when my dad died. I don't want my kids to have to do that. That was the worst. I I don't wish that on people, you know. I mean, it's still hard to think about in some ways. And so I I you know, I don't I don't want that for them at all. Right. And so health for me has always been important. Um, so I'm always, you know, yeah, moderation and discipline, movement, exercise, you know, yeah. Am I exercising as much as I'd like to? Do I, you know, am have met all my goals? No. But um I I do recognize that I make it a priority. I am trying, could always do better. Right could always do better, but I do recognize that it's a priority in my life. And so friends, friends is the one for me that, you know, ugh is dead, not completely dead. Um, but just yeah, it that's hard to acknowledge that I just don't have a lot of time for friends or have a lot of friends, you know, that are not connected to something.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:46

You know, that are just genuinely like, hey, we're friends, because we're friends.

SPEAKER_01 29:49

Right.

SPEAKER_02 29:50

You know, that's that's hard. I mean, there's a lot of acquaintances, a lot of colleagues. Um, but it you know, it's hard not to that that that for me is a realization. That was what that was the slap in the face. And so I think you and I, you know, I think we both have that one as the low one. You said that a little while ago. And so we've tried even just recently, just to make a couple of little differences, like, oh, let's go do something intentional with some friends.

SPEAKER_00 30:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

So we've done that a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

May maybe it's not, you know, the burner's not on high, but we turn it on every now and then. We do, right? Yeah. It's more like a microwave. Whatever we call it. Short, intense.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

So I think it's been helpful just to see it that way. For sure. And we got to do a few things this past weekend and are looking forward to doing something next weekend.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

And looking at you, booth family, that's right. Yeah, hanging out with our friends, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 30:43

Yeah. Got to go to a football game and hang out with some folks that's just like. Yeah, it was nice. And our family and our family was there too. So that's right. We were knocking out family and knocking out friendship at the same time.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

Well, that that's one of the um suggested ways of of kind of managing this is is uh merging categories.

SPEAKER_02 31:01

Yeah, I've seen people who've worked try to do that.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Yeah, they talk about uh well, maybe your health and your friends, kind of like what we did back in the day with the Thomas's, going to the hospital and into the hospital the gym at the hospital and working out, that gets uh that gets kind of two things at one market.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

Yeah. Like if you had a running group or like that.

SPEAKER_00 31:20

Yeah, yeah, that that's a great example. Yeah, you go join a running group, you know, and and um uh I I hope you have a great time with those people.

SPEAKER_02 31:28

But you go join a running group. You cannot run. We have had clinical expertise say that you don't.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

He said, let the pain guide you.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

You're too quote, you're too big to run.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Yeah, that that was what he said. And he says, You're kind of a big guy. You really shouldn't be running.

SPEAKER_02 31:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

I'm like, what? Anyways.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

We can walk a lot. We can start a wall blood.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

Hiking.

SPEAKER_02 31:47

There we go. There we go. And you have a friend. I have a hiking friend, and you have a hiking friend. There we go.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Uh and and look, this all goes back to the however you want to say it in time, energy, uh, mental capacity. Like, like there is a day, there's an end of the end there's a point at the end of the day where I'm just done and I don't want a people anymore. And that even means sometimes like the four of you that live under the roof with me.

SPEAKER_02 32:13

Like we know.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

I gotta go and recharge and and I really just need a minute. And that's when I go thumb the reels or and your minute really could be 30 minutes or yeah, a minute is figurative in that you know when in my in my exact world, a minute is actually probably 45.

SPEAKER_02 32:30

Yeah, that's very accurate. I would agree with that.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

But we're but we're limited. And so so what are you gonna do with these limited resources? Time being a a major factor, your energy, of course, finances.

SPEAKER_02 32:42

Uh and reflecting on what's important.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

That's right. Yeah, because do you really need all of them?

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

And and then if you have maybe thrown everything into your career and you're not happy with something, then you know, can you afford to back off the career? Yeah. Can you afford not to back off the career and invest in your marriage or your friendships or your you know children or whatever it is, your health.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Yeah. So I think so much of this is just taking real stock of of your life and where you are at in your life, some self-realization, self-assessment. That's always good to do, you know, taking reflecting on, yeah, yeah, this is where I'm at. And or this is why, you know, sometimes understanding the why of uh why is this a priority or why isn't this a priority? Why haven't I made it? Or what does it take to make this a priority and back off another one? And so, you know, I think it's always fun for me and you when we get to share and and and talk about some of those things because it I think it brings us deeper connection, deeper understanding uh not only of ourselves, but just of who we are as a couple and what our goals are. You know, you just said the other day, how long have we been together? You know, and would you say two-thirds?

SPEAKER_00 33:55

Yeah, yeah. We we've had two-thirds of our not our adult life, our lives. Of our lives together. Our whole the whole thing. Yeah. Two-thirds, yeah. So what uh the the comical part of that was whatever's good about us we can now blame and take credit for, and whatever's bad about us, we have to blame or take credit for. We have to admit it too. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 34:14

And so you you know, we've yeah, two-thirds of our lives.

SPEAKER_00 34:17

Why why would we not want to further invest in that?

SPEAKER_02 34:20

Right. And be on the same. I want to be on the same page with you.

SPEAKER_00 34:23

And I want you to be on the same page. No, I want to be on the same page as you too. Yes. I say that with a big old happy loving grin.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

And look, you have to you have to go into those conversations together because we are getting ready into a different shift of our life.

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

You know, we're we're hitting a different mark. Uh one, we own a business, and so that has changed. Work for us, the definition of work has changed.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

And but we're also getting into where our children are getting older and maybe leaving at some point. And so that will change too. Family will look different, whatever that family, whatever that dynamic is. So you just have to to start to realize that, and and things don't always stay the same. But I want to sh make those shifts, but I want to make them with you.

SPEAKER_00 35:06

Right. Same here. Yeah. I and to be conscious of that goes back to one thing that we've said, I think, consistently throughout uh all 50 now one episodes, is you have to be intentional. And and so one of the reasons we talk about these things and we do what seems like if you've been together a long time or if you've only been together a couple years, why are they why are they spending so much time looking at who they are and what drives them and and where their values are and and you know how they want to spend it's because like we want to be intentional. And so, you know, you measure things and you kind of look at it and you take stock of it, those are usually the things you value. You know, what whatever you look at on your phone is probably value to you, whether it's sports or game or the sales for your small business, you know. I say with a big laugh because we look at that all the time. Uh where you spend your money. That that is that's the you might say value family, but if you spend all your money on golf and and don't hear me, I'm not hating on golf, uh, well then you don't really value your family if if you don't, you know. It's a it's an old it's an old preacher thing there. Show me your checkbook and I'll show you what's really important in your life, you know. And so be intentional, be intentional. And that's what that's what we were doing in this discussion. And uh being the pastor, I'm gonna go ahead and do a little pastoring here and say, um you need to think about um how faith fits into this as well. And and that is the ultimate merger of of categories. Faith needs to be the one that I think uh wraps all these together. You know, maybe that's the stove itself if you want to, you know, beat the metaphor into the ground. Uh your work, your family, your health, um, your your friendships all need to have that element of faith in there. And while that's not in the original theory where I've seen it, I I think uh from our perspective, that's a major part for us.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

Yeah. It's kind of an overlayer that you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

Yeah, yeah. What why are we doing it if it doesn't um just you know, if it doesn't, if there's not a component to where we're doing this for God's glory and to honor Him and to maintain the integrity of our faith and our relationship with Christ, why are we doing it?

SPEAKER_02 37:26

Yeah. Well, I hope this is uh just given Google it, read it, you know, study it yourself.

SPEAKER_00 37:32

Yeah, there's all kinds of stuff out there. Lots of people have their own I mean, and the great thing about it's a theory. Test it.

SPEAKER_02 37:37

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

That's what theories are for. Test it.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:40

Look at the evidence in your life. Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

Yeah, no, I was just I think for us it just really was um timing-wise meaningful because uh you know, we really again burn out. Burnout is something that's been uh prevalent in our discussions and something that we're trying to be cognizant of. And I just think it falls neatly into the burners of not wearing yourself out so thin, and one of those that is going full steam, that you don't have anything left to give to anything else.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

Yeah. Yeah. Burnout because you you've tried to overextend. And so what happens is um you wind up not doing any of it really well because you've tried to do it all.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

And and that's no good.

SPEAKER_02 38:18

And but it's okay not to be able to do it all.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

It it really is okay not to be able to do it all. Yeah, absolutely. You have to prioritize.

SPEAKER_02 38:26

Yeah. So we hope this has been helpful for you. Um, you know, this is a journey this is a journey for us. We continue to learn, explore, uh, reflect, and try to grow together. And so we we hur encourage you to do that. Whether you are in a relationship or not, reflect for yourself and reflect uh with your partner if you are in a relationship. And uh, we want to thank everybody for listening. And we really are just so excited to be able to say uh that we're continuing this journey, continuing it together. And now on our 51st episode, that's very cool, huh? Continue to thank all of you for listening and always uh get so tickled to see that we've had downloads and you wonder where do these people come from? How did they even hear about it?

SPEAKER_00 39:09

So that's you for listening.

SPEAKER_02 39:10

Yeah, we absolutely thank you for listening. So if we do launch that Facebook page, we'll put it out there and let you all know about it. And uh can't wait to give you more updates this summer as we get into it. When.

SPEAKER_00 39:23

Thank you. When.

SPEAKER_02 39:24

Definitely when.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

We're putting that on the whatever burner's hottest right now. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

That's right. All right, guys. It is hot outside right now. We are in the dog days of summer. Summertime. So thank you all. Yeah, everybody's burning up, so all the cliches here. So uh thank you guys for listening, and we'll be in touch soon for the new episode.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

Yeah, definitely stay cool.