Beachside Banter w/Bee

“Showing Up” at the Shore: Marcy Axelrod on Thriving in Life, Work, and Rye Beach

• Bee Davis • Season 1 • Episode 3

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Episode Summary:
In this episode of Beachside Banter with Bee, we dive into the transformative power of "Showing Up" with bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and management consultant Marcy Axelrod. Marcy’s book, How We Choose to Show Up, has helped thousands of people deepen their connections, enhance their experiences, and bring more meaning into their lives. Drawing from over 20 years of research and experience in Wall Street, Silicon Valley, and the corporate world, Marcy shares powerful insights on how neuroscience, psychology, and behavioral economics can shape our daily choices and long-term success.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

  • What it really means to "Show Up" and why it’s a game-changer for your life and career.
  • How Marcy’s research has transformed personal and professional growth for thousands.
  • The science behind our decision-making and how we can harness it to live more fulfilling lives.
  • The role of curiosity, intention, and self-connection in thriving.
  • Why major corporations like HP, SAP, and Cisco have embraced Marcy’s insights for innovation and leadership.
  • Practical steps to start Showing Up today!

About Our Guest:
Marcy Axelrod is a bestselling and award-winning author, a 2X TEDx speaker, and a recognized expert in human performance and business strategy. Her book, How We Choose to Show Up, is a #1 Bestseller and recipient of the prestigious Hayakawa book prize. With a background at Lehman Brothers and experience working with global tech giants, Marcy integrates cutting-edge research with real-world application to drive personal and organizational growth.

Her work has been featured in Forbes, Psychology Today, and The Marketing Journal, and has earned praise from professors at Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Columbia, and Cornell.

Timestamps:

00:20: Introducing Marcy Axelrod

02:51: What “How We Choose to Show Up” is Really About

14:40: How Do I Show Up Better for Myself & for Everyone Else?

25:20 What Inspired Marcy to Go Down this Route

34:20 Why We Have 2 Attention Systems and Why It’s a Big Deal

38:40 How We Can Find Marcy’s Book

41:35 What Does ‘Paradise’ Mean to Marcy

Connect with Marcy:

Support the show

FOLLOW & SUBSCRIBE

Speaker 1:

hey, hey, hey. Everyone, it is b with another episode of beachside banter with b. I'm here today with marcy axelrod. I'm super excited. Marci has got this long length of all these accomplishments and it's absolutely amazing. She's a TEDx speaker, she's a best-selling author. She's also a consultant. So excited to have her here. Marci, thank you so much for being here. I'd love to have you introduce yourself and tell everybody what you stand for.

Speaker 2:

Well, v, thank you so much, and I'm very excited to kind of port myself visually onto a beach as we do this. Yes, I hope that's okay. Gee, what I stand for, you know. I believe that I'm pursuing my calling and I'm on this earth to help people understand the truth about showing up, how nature designed human beings to show up so that we thrive, and that is what the book is about.

Speaker 1:

Awesome, okay, yeah, that's great. So I know you are also around a couple beaches, is that right?

Speaker 2:

Yes, I live right near the Rye Beach. The Rye Beach and a couple of days a week I'm out on Long Island right near the Crab Meadow Beach, which is unbelievable and it actually has water on three sides. Yeah, and Gold Star Beach, where I went jogging yesterday morning.

Speaker 1:

That sounds awesome. Are any of those your favorite over the others? Is this kind of one of those you just go hang out when you can?

Speaker 2:

I will tell you, crabmeadow is so exceptional and it gets these shells that are kind of gold and bronze and you alternate between the two attention systems we have, which is something that's in the book, which is this very detailed grab it and get it Like there's a shell on the beach that's glowing gold. I'll grab it and get it like there's a shell on the beach that's glowing gold, or looking up and just seeing the expanse of what's out there. And those are literally two different ways of showing up, because it's two different ways of attending to the world. Oh yeah, one without the other, but you certainly can't survive if you live too much in one or the other.

Speaker 1:

Yes, wow, ok, so your book has got me intrigued. I'm not even going to lie to you. Let's kind of like go about the premise of it, and so the whole point is that we need to show up for ourselves in order to do what we need to do to get done. Is that right? No, nope, just kidding. I don't even know. I haven't read it yet. I know I need to. I picked it up the other day, but I just have not had the opportunity to sit down and actually give my full attention to it, so I'm not even going to give it justice. Go ahead, marci, tell us what it's about.

Speaker 2:

Well, let's really stay with what you said, because I think it's prescient in that when you think about the personal improvement, you know body of work that's out there and how society thinks about self-help, it very much is exactly what you said, right, focusing on yourself, right? What was the specific phrase that you used?

Speaker 1:

Just we have to show up so that we can make sure that we're giving what we want to or what we deserve, and all of that to each other, yeah what we want to, or what we deserve, and all of that to each other, yeah, what we deserve for ourselves.

Speaker 2:

Let's think about those words what we deserve and for ourselves. So and you know the let them theory, mel Robbins, who actually wrote, who wrote the quote on the front of the book, you know, there's a lot of goodness there. It's a first step, though, and I'm going to explain why. When you think about everything that nature designs, think about a blade of grass, think about a tree, okay, think about a human, because we are of the earth. Everything exists, yes, as an individual blade of grass, but is it there alone? It's the only thing. And it's blown in the breeze. No, no, it's within a field of grass. It's either in someone's backyard, it's in a meadow, it's in, it's on a mountaintop with a lot of other blades of grass. So there's something going on around it. There's sun coming down, there's whatever the temperature is, there's whatever the precipitation is. So there's a situation that's going on, but there's also this something larger the sun, whether an animal comes and eats the blade of grass. Maybe there are goats. So there's this societal aspect. We're connected to something more.

Speaker 2:

Now let's distill what I just said. There's an individual self blade of grass that's a member of a situation at all times. It can never not be. That's also a member of something larger. Call it society, call it, you know, back then it was a tribe, let's say. But it's also a religion, a race, a company, a family, a community. So we're in three roles at all times. So when we talk about focusing on ourselves and getting what we deserve, you start to say is that really what nature designed? Is that truly who we are Right?

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

The first big point that I want to make is that we're in three roles, and so is everything else, not just everything nature created, but everything we create. Look at this podcast. Right, it's an individual episode. You and I right now are very much reverberating. You know how I'm feeling, your energy, how you're feeling mine. There are other people listening to this, either now or in the future. So I'm in their world, I'm inhabiting their space and they are drinking in and absorbing what I'm saying. So there are many, many situations in which this podcast exists, not just now, but forever in the future.

Speaker 1:

Okay, yeah, that makes sense. I'm hanging out with you so far. You've got me so far.

Speaker 2:

And then those people go out and interact. Based on the podcast. Yeah, so the podcast has a societal interact. Based on the podcast. Yeah, so the podcast has a societal role that it's playing. Okay, so the podcast is an individual, let's say self, it's a situation member and it's a societal member and, by the way, so are the ideas of the podcast. So is the technology that we're using, and so is social justice, and so is race, and so is anti-Semitism, and so is fashion and fame and finance and everything out there exists in three roles, because it impacts society. It impacts people within a moment of their situation. People within a moment of their situation, maybe many, and it impacts them as individual selves.

Speaker 1:

Wow, yeah, okay, that's just, you just wove a very, very, very intricate spider web and it's very exciting to think that expansive, I guess, is the best way to describe it, because it is. You're not just like, everything that you do affects everything else around you, so I get what you're saying, and so how do you show up then? How do you make the best version of you so that you can make everything else the best versions of them?

Speaker 2:

Yes, well, it's interesting the way you said it. So you, you just put the self in the middle of the concentric circle, right? So you got self here first, right, and then everything else. So the first thing that you do, basically, well, I'm going to make this really simple. I'm going to show you three levels. Okay, because all of this plays out.

Speaker 2:

People say, well, what do I do with the fact that I'm a member every moment, that's co-creating a situation, and what it will do with my impact? Then, at the societal level, I mean, the first thing you do is you recognize you're part of a whole. Okay, you're part of a whole that's much bigger than yourself. So, showing up as nature design includes a belief system. It's. I mean, you could call it a mindset, because people kind of glom onto that word, but let's face it, the mind is also kind of the microbiome that's in our gut. It's our whole body. So you call it a mindset or body set. Like, what is it? You know, anytime someone says my mindset, I think to myself. So you're just like a cognitive process. Is that all you are? Like? You want your, your platform or ideas to be a mindset and sit here. But well, like, is that really recognizing the more the societal you know within my body as a society, let's say Right, right.

Speaker 2:

So I'm going to show you how this plays out, because it's not just an academic model. I mean, I did put a simple model around it, but let's just focus on the three levels. You can see one, two, three, barely there, just showing up, which is what 80% of us do, 80% of the time, according to my 20 years of research, and this is truly showing up. Okay, but it's not just. You know levels and numbers on a continuum. Let's talk about what it really means. Okay, I'm going to make this personal, is that okay?

Speaker 1:

Do it.

Speaker 2:

Let's talk about what it really means. Okay, I'm going to make this personal. Is that okay? Do it, let's do it. I'm going to open so B. I was really touched when I read that list of questions that you sent.

Speaker 1:

I sent a bunch. We're probably not even going to get to half of them.

Speaker 2:

You really thought things through and you brought me through a provocative set of questions that was truly showing up. And I'm going to level three and I'm going to explain why.

Speaker 1:

Oh, okay.

Speaker 2:

You weren't just thinking about yourself, like I need to have a good podcast. You were thinking about the situation that is to be going on, which is right now. What are you going to do in the future? You were planning and preparing for a situational reality which, by the way, is our touch point of our lives. This is right now. Preparing for a situation helps you to come into contact with the world as who you want to be and have it play out in a way that you find to be, you know, ideal, right, or chosen right. So it was truly showing up in that you prepared for the situation. You set yourself up to be here, present, not thinking about what's my next question, right? So you set yourself roll up, your situational roll up, and you know that this is going out into the more, into the more that's out there our societal role. So you were living in all three roles when you did that.

Speaker 1:

Look at me go. It's like I knew what I was doing, or something.

Speaker 2:

And I'm going to add a layer here and then we can get back to any of your questions that you want. But I'm going to add a layer. That's really important because what the continuum really does is so you can see it. When you're barely there, you're really just in your self role. So you've got a mirror. It's focused on you.

Speaker 2:

This is like the self care. It's all about me, what I deserve, or maybe how I need to be seen, or maybe I'm feeling lesser than or better than right. All of those things keep you here. But as you move from your self role into your situational role, you start to notice and tune in because you're presencing in the moment, you're noticing. And once you notice like, whoa, look at how windy it is, gee, maybe I should go help my neighbors with their chairs that always blow off their porch, or like whatever, it may be right. And then you tune in and notice what I immediately did you start to feel with and enact care.

Speaker 2:

And that's written right here and it's explained in the book Notice, tune in, feel with, enact care. And all of a sudden you're not just a self, you're deeply presencing within the situation and you're showing care within your societal role right, you're outside of yourself, you've turned your self mirror like this, and now, all of a sudden, you're much more who you want to be, and this brings meaning to life and we can talk about the meaning crisis. But I'll just I'm going to pause here because I think I answered your question about you know. So what do we do with these three roles?

Speaker 1:

I just, yeah, I you absolutely did, and you did it in a way too that like makes sense to. I mean, you're not going to say that I'm very smart or anything, but like you kind of dumbed it down a little bit, but not enough to where I don't know, you know, if people understand what you're trying, the point that you're trying to get across, basically, yeah from how you explained it and I really appreciate that can I put some different words on that?

Speaker 2:

yeah, please. So, instead of dumbing it down, what I'm, what I'm trying to do, is make things very real. Life like this is real life, yeah, and when most of us just show up and we can talk about what, what that means, I kind of lay in bed at night and you're like gee, like this wasn't really the way I wanted my day to go. Or gee, I'm just exhausted. Or, as opposed to like wow, I really brought my best, I truly showed up and I'm hoping that I impacted, you know, this person in the way that I thought was helpful and this project at work and this event over here, you know, and I prepared great. So we want to feel a sense of meaning and that's what truly showing up brings.

Speaker 2:

So what I'm doing is bringing the ideas into not just our daily world, but like when you're laying in bed, like I want you to viscerally have a different experience because you've understood, you got a choice. You're going to be on that continuum every moment, and so is everybody else, and that's where acceptance comes in, right, not permission of just I'm going, gonna let them and I'm gonna permit, because that's still like a power over type thing. Yeah, it's much more acceptance, um and I've got a whole chapter on how the continuum creates acceptance but it also creates um permission for you to move up and down the continuum. You can get tired, you can be barely there. You can mess up and down the continuum. You can get tired, you can be barely there. You can mess up, because the rest of the continuum is always there for you.

Speaker 1:

And that totally makes sense. So I always get into like this crazy funk you know December, january like I'm sad. You know the depression, seasonal depression or whatever it is how do I like flip that to show up better for myself and for everybody else? So, for instance, literally this past week I was just like I don't really have the energy, I don't have the strength or the go or the motivation to put out content and all that stuff like I need to and I know that I need to because people are relying on that stuff, they want it, they want to see it and all that. But there's times where you just get so exhausted and you just you're tapped out. So how, how do you flip that and make it better for everybody else?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I really appreciate that question. I think a lot of people and a lot of your listeners and viewers go through that, as do I and everybody go through that, as do I and everybody. So I'm going to address this first by talking about what it truly is to be barely there, and then how we move out of it. Okay, okay, perfect. So when we're barely there, either we're depressed, we're stuck, we're sick, we're grieving, there are very we're burned out, right. Right, there are very valid reasons to be there, and it exists in two forms. It exists in a conscious form, which you are experiencing, bea. You know you're there, I call them there, you're with it. You're feeling this experience. It is part of your life, it is part of you. That gives you choice, right that we can talk about. The other way that people are there is unconsciously.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

They're just spinning, they're in anger, they're deeply depressed, they're in despair and they're just there's. They aren't able to step outside of themselves and say, gee, I'm having a hard time and this is how it's showing up to me. So let's stay so, and I talk about both. But let's let's now stay with the form of barely there that you have, which is a conscious, um, fully experienced barely there. So the first thing is it's not showing, recognize. It's not showing up to you. Okay, it's showing up with you and for you. This is part of the lexicon of showing up. Two becomes not just two, but with and for. So the for now you feel its kindness, now you feel its gift and you can say this is telling me something. There's information here. Did I not really process all the effort, all the weight of last year? Did I not really reflect on whether or not it kind of did for the world what I wanted to? Okay, yeah, as you do that, I'll tell you what you're doing, and this is the one key word. If I'm not going to use choose as my main word, it's going to be care. Okay, because now you're doing, and this is the one key word If I'm not going to use choose as my main word. It's going to be care. Okay, because now you're starting to care for yourself, and I don't mean faux self-care. You get yourself candles or a scent, or a day at a spa, or you let yourself sleep in too much. I'm not talking about faux self-care, and sleep is important, but it's really when you get up. I'm not talking about faux self-care, I'm talking about self-compassion. That's the first thing. So now we've transitioned from what barely there is to how we get out of it. The moment you investigate with curiosity, it starts to transition and show up differently for you. Okay, so I'm talking about you know, invite it in Like, go open the door, come on in.

Speaker 2:

Seasonal affective disorder and lack of motivation Right, it was so bad last week. At the table, you make yourself two cups of tea and you give it a cup of tea and you say let's be with each other. And you write in a journal or you reflect. I think journaling is amazing but what you're doing is saying I got this, I can hold you and I can learn from this, so that I'm prepared next November, december, or I'm prepared like, whatever the cycle is, and you start to think about what got you here. Was it too many late nights? Was it too much hard work? Was it not feeling like you achieved what you wanted? Right, a little bit of all, and then you're caring for yourself, and then you can say okay, what's my choice, what am I going to do now?

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

What am I going to do now? And I caution people, because we're in a life of doing and of having, which is causing us to feel a lack of meaning and a separateness from the oneness that's out there. We don't want to focus on meeting our needs by having things. Our needs can only met by being and becoming the person we want to be.

Speaker 1:

Gotcha, that makes sense, yeah. So yeah, because I go through these spurts where I'm just like, you know, I put in an extra I can't even tell you how many hours one week, and then two weeks later I'm just like, oh my gosh, I try to give it my all and I just can't keep up and I get exhausted and then it's like I, you know, go completely missing from the earth. Then I'm like I can't do this for a few days and then I pick myself back up and a way to stop the cycle? It would be amazing.

Speaker 2:

So let's look at what you just talked about. You don't want to stop, so what you want to do is so you're doing, push a lot like go really hard for too long, burn out, then get way down and way up and way down and way up and way down. You don't want to stop that. What you want to do is make it more gradual. Oh, okay, that makes sense. In gradualness is wisdom, okay. So you want to say what's my limit, what's the too much and how. How far down do I need to come and what is coming down? Meet like what does that mean? Does it mean one fewer podcast each week? Does it mean I make these 45 minutes or 30 instead of an hour? Does it mean I don't push myself to get them out within a week? I give myself a month to get these things out, Okay, right. What does it mean? Does it mean I go to bed at 10 instead of 11? Right, and I pull out. You know watching two hours of tv a day and I'm late. So that's what you think about and that, so it isn't getting out of.

Speaker 2:

Things are black and white, like a big part of showing up. This is how nature designed. Okay, when you like, up and down are not opposites, right? You keep going up sufficiently far, you come back from the other side. Yep, I mean, right, I'm seeing what's with the same way, black and white, you know it, almost all of life exists in the gray, right? So? And the thing is, black wouldn't exist without white and white wouldn't exist without black, so like they're two sides of the same coin, right? So the mindset, if you want to use that word, of showing up, you would say, like how do I get out of this cycle? It's like no, the cycle, the cycle happens to be the life you want to live. You just need to come into the middle a little bit.

Speaker 1:

Right, that makes sense. Yeah, shift.

Speaker 2:

And it's the same thing when someone pisses you off, think about it the same way. It isn't, it's you know? It's like what are they really doing? Let's invite it in, let's give it a cup of tea, let's let's investigate. Need I feel this way? Is it triggering something from the past Showing up right? So there's a? I'll say one more sentence and then stop. There's a skill for each role. Okay, the skill for yourself role is grounding, knowing who you are and why. So if someone's pissing you off all the time, maybe you've got to like there's a trigger in you and you need to think about this. Maybe the person's not really doing what you think. Yeah, you know, this is in my world every day.

Speaker 1:

I have a teenage daughter yeah, you know, this is in my world every day. I have a teenage daughter, um, I know, but that's like I have two, two adult sons. So they were, uh, very much pains in the asses when they were younger, to put it mildly um, so self-grounding, um, situational readiness, like that's what you did, planning and and preparing.

Speaker 2:

and what does readiness truly mean? Because it's not. It's in addition to a list of questions, it's an embodied thing, right? It's choosing your, how you will attend and what hemisphere of the brain to use. So I can, I talk about that. The skill for our situational role is connectedness with intent to serve, and I put a word on it, called all-telligent. But I define what connectedness truly is and what service truly is. So, anyway, I'm going to stop there, but Mo, I'm excited.

Speaker 1:

This sounds like I can't tell you how many books that I've read. I do the self-help and stuff. I've struggled with depression my whole life, so I've had you know that that I've kind of I've always tried to find a way to make it to where it's not crazy, because I don't want to take medicine and all that stuff for it. I want to be able to control it. So, being able to like sit here and like actually talk to you about it, I feel like you're making sense in a way that most people have not been able to do that.

Speaker 1:

So, first off, I applaud you because I love that, because a lot of times you'll read these books and it's just a bunch of people saying a bunch of words and it's like okay, but I don't really understand how that relates to me and how I can take your words and make them, make myself better, basically. But you totally just blew my mind because you literally explained it in a way that I can understand it A and B. I feel like it's actual tangible now, like I feel like I can actually. I have something that I can grab and hold on to and actually move forward with. So yay, marcy, that's amazing. Okay. So, and by my way.

Speaker 2:

It's right here and it's on the website too. This is the model, those are the roles, those are the roles and the skills. That's the continuum and that's where it comes from.

Speaker 1:

Yes, so many people are going to benefit from your book. I can't even. I can't even begin to say it. Yeah, so what inspired you to go down this route? Is this something that you've kind of struggled with yourself and you're like, hey, I finally figured it out, so I got to tell everybody else, or what was it?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I mean, with most people right, when you're living your passion, it comes from something in your past and of course, unfortunately, that's often suffering. So when I was six years old, I lost the ability to show up as I chose. Okay, I started to stutter. You know, my family moved from Baltimore to Boston and my parents had these great new jobs and little Marcy was kind of always just doing the right thing and my version of acting out because when I wasn't getting the attention and care that I needed, it was more to kind of to make myself sick I acted in, so my throat locked and I couldn't speak. So, through the suffering of, you know, age six, seven, eight, nine, 10, you know, it really didn't start to lighten until I was 18, walking onto college campus, my self role, mymirror of struggle and pain, turned outward. I can't show up as I choose. Look at how they're showing up, these kids, right, why is one a bully and one a scaredy cat? And why aren't the teachers coming in and helping us to be more unified? And I said to myself none of these people are showing up as they would choose, even though they have choice. I don't have choice, they can choose and they're throwing their show up choices away, gotcha, yeah, and the thing is you can't move away from it. It was every moment of every day, you can imagine.

Speaker 2:

And then, when I was 12, I was sent to a rehabilitation hospital where elders were relearning to walk and speak and feed themselves, and there I was supposed to speak words a certain way into a machine. So it would light a red light and tell me I was doing it right. And I thought you know, first of all, why is it red green? But why am I speaking into a black box, literally a metal black box with a microphone Like this is really debilitating, like emotionally debilitating, right, but I did it because I was kind of the kid who just did what I was told. So I put my head down and I did it. It was awful, like eight hours a day for three months. It was awful. I'm so sorry, but what I noticed thank you amidst all of that when I was 12, right, seminal time in the shipping of the brand.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, man, you were just an old soul. It sounds like.

Speaker 2:

And when I went downstairs. So, thank you, I think I am for a number of reasons, but I would go downstairs and I would see these elders and I would see these elders struggling with skilled experts by their side and plans, well-made plans, and I thought to myself, if elders with all that wisdom in their 70s and 80s can't show up as they choose, even with a well-made plan and expert by their side, like there needs to be a roadmap. Where's the blueprint? Yeah, absolutely. We're missing the blueprint of how humans are designed to show up so that we thrive. So I just devoured every piece of psychology and neuroscience and behavioral economics and evolutionary biology and everything I could to try to piece together what could it be? And then I started doing global surveys of how people achieve, using that word back in 1999. And that became the model of how we show up.

Speaker 1:

Wow, yeah, so that's that's amazing. To to have that kind of insight at that young of an age is is incredible to me. I, I don't think. Well, I know most of us don't have or or the want or the need. You know what I mean. There's, there's also that piece too, like you, could I see what you're saying when you're like I, you know I wasn't doing what I wanted to, I wasn't showing up for myself or in that. So I get how, like, sometimes, you got to make that decision, because there's how many times have you heard that saying where it's like you can't help people unless they want to help themselves. And I think that's kind of what this embodies is. You know you have to set up, you know, your self-op so that you can be better for everybody else and be better for yourself. And I, yeah, anyways, I love this.

Speaker 1:

I'm super excited. I want to get into the book now. Like I know exactly what I'm doing this weekend and I plan on binging this whole book. I cannot wait to dive into it. I just know that I'm going to learn so much. So I know, okay, so the show is about the beach. I know I got to at least bring it up again, right? So I've talked to a few people who have lived by the beach, you know, for a long period of time, and they say that a lot of times they get like energy and like kind of like a rejuvenation, so to speak, from the beach. Do you feel like you get that too?

Speaker 2:

Oh my. So the beach is my happy place, mine is. The beach is a great place to practice showing up, okay, yeah, because you are at once so using the two hemispheres of our brain, like, as I say, one is get it done mode. That's right. Level two just showing up, get it done. You are very superficially there because you're zoned in on a very small thing and often we're losing sight of what's the significance of what I'm doing.

Speaker 2:

I'm in the dishwasher what a pain. How can I make it faster? I'm slamming the plates, but what I'm really doing is caring for my family. Okay, and they come home. It's a smoother time, right? Anyway, the beach very much brings you into right here right now. The waves are crashing, there's an auditory sensation. There's often an olfactory scent of seaweed, of salt, of whatever's there. There's a feeling under your feet that's forcing you to use your vestibular system of balance, and all of that, yeah, in a different way that we get walking on asphalt or concrete or whatever the floor is in our offices. You are very much right there right now. If you're like me, you kind of find one thing and stare at it. I've collected shells. I'm very much blocked down into this one grab-and-get, power-over mode.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm really laughing because literally like the last time I was at the beach, I saw like this I don't even know, it was like a wasp or something, it was building a nest and I sat there and stared at it for like an hour and a half and just watched it and like it just kept building this mound and going in deeper and I was like I don't have any idea why I'm so fascinated by this, but it's just so cool to see this little bitty creature making this, you know, because I know he was making a little house for himself and all that. So I'm like this is so neat. Anyway, sorry, totally got you off topic.

Speaker 2:

No, that's the topic. You're on topic From there and I can explain to you why you were mesmerized. So everything that goes on in nature also happens with us. It happens with our behavior, it happens with how people move, it happens with how we decide, it happens in groups. It's the social structure and systems of justice and education that we create. So, what the WASPs are doing, when you look at them, it isn't even a metaphor, it's a model for things that are also going on in our lives. Okay, yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 2:

So, from the focused attention that the beach can call us to with all of our senses taste, touch, smell all of a sudden we look up and we're confronted with right the more that's there. Yeah, we're confronted, as we look at the horizon, with I'm on a planet. Yes, this is a planet. I'm on a sphere that's hurling through space. The other thing is that when you really look from side to side across, you recognize its curve. Okay, yeah, we're not on like there is. There are actually no true right angles in nature. When you take this, when you reduce everything to a little thing, you might say, well, yeah, my stick has a branch and it's going straight out, or the tree is coming straight out of it, but it's not Back up to the mountain. Look down oh, it's curved and it's not really straight. And, by the way, neither are we and we are. If people don't know this, we are trees. These are the branches, like right.

Speaker 2:

Right yeah, everything about us is the same structure as a tree and it's also the same structure as a lot of riverbeds that come out with the branch Like we are nature. So being on the beach very much puts us in the contrast of our day, with focus on the narrow thing, and come out and see the more that's out there. One is the situational self and one is our societal member role, so it's back and forth and back and forth. No-transcript, if it's, if it's okay. B can I just explain very simply why we have two attention systems and why this is a sadist deal? Absolutely Because because one leads us to just show up, and that's not what you want, and the other is that to truly show up.

Speaker 2:

So, okay, when we evolved, we had to do two things. You know, there's a we, we had to eat. Right, there's a rabbit over there. Grab it, get it, kill it, right, eat. Which is the power over, the control over, and we had to not be eaten, right. Yeah, makes sense. Which is the surveil, the wide landscape. Is there a storm about to come? Is there a predator over there? Where are the? You know where's the rest of the tribe right over there? Where where are the you know where's the rest of the tribe, right?

Speaker 2:

so that's why our brain is in two parts and it leads us to attend to the world differently when I pause, and when anyone pauses in their day and just lets their system reset, all of a sudden you're moving from the left hemispheric system to the right and what comes online is care. Okay, this is moving us from the self-focused get it done, barely there stuff, or just showing up stuff, into the feeling with and enacting care. This is what leads you to notice the song in the back oh, I love that song and you start to sway to it. This is what brings you into thinking about you know, my colleague mentioned, you know, his parents were getting older and we're going to have to move into a home and you know, maybe I should go and say like hey, how's it going? Your life completely shifts and this is the moving from the staring and picking up shells to looking at the horizon.

Speaker 1:

Got it. Wow, yes, that totally makes sense. I think a lot of times people aren't really looking into the whole of it. They're only like focused on one little thing. So I totally see, marcy, you are so smart. Can I just say that?

Speaker 2:

It's going up, zoom. It's how you get out of depression. Is you do more? And the book explains. Anyway, I don't know that I'm so smart, I just I love to read. I think you are. So the hemispheric stuff is the work of Ian McGilchrist. He's a, he's a psychiatrist. Ok, I often say the UK. I hope I'm not wrong. It's not Ireland. But anyway, his books are the Master and His Emissary and then these two massive thousand-page tomes called the Matter with Things.

Speaker 1:

Okay.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so if you really want that's deep intellectual stuff.

Speaker 1:

It all seems like it's very life-changing, especially once you start to employ. You know what you've learned from your book and his book and, wow, I'm excited. I like I actually like feel like I finally have something that like might actually help I'm not about to explain it, which is, which is great, because, like I said, I've always had, like it's usually because I think I lack vitamin D and I really really really need a lot of sun in my life. So, like I lived in Missouri for 40 years and Missouri has the most bipolar weather, I mean, it's snowing in the morning and then you wake up or like three hours later, it's 70 degrees and then like four hours later, it's icing and it really is temperamental. So I think that usually I am inside too much because the weather's crappy or whatever it is and I'm not getting out and I'm not getting the vitamin D and everything that I need. I'm not showing up for myself, so to speak, and I think that's kind of where it starts to. This was like every year thing, you know, every December or whatever it's like. Ah, here we go again, cold weather. I'm just I'm not a cold weather person. I need to be by the beach, at the beach, in the sun, all of that.

Speaker 1:

So, anyways, I'm very excited for this book. I'm super excited that you took the time to explain it to me in a way that I can absorb it and actually utilize it to make better of myself, and all of that. So I'm really excited about that. I think you are just so, so smart and I'm really excited about everything that you can offer to so many different people. So how do my followers and my audience actually find you? Are you on a website? Can they consult with you? Tell me all about that?

Speaker 2:

Yes, they can definitely consult with me the website choosetoshowupcom, which used to focus on my speaking. It probably still is a legacy website that I need to update, but anyway there's a contact page. Choosetoshowupcom Also, amazon has the book and there's also a way to contact the author. I'm really easy to find Just Marci at choosetoshowupcom.

Speaker 1:

Cool, yeah. So, everybody, I'll make sure to go ahead and link that into the show notes as well, so that you can go in and you know order her book, get in there, actually read it, and I can't wait. I would love to have some sort of do you have like a forum or something where people can go and talk to other people, where they can like, you know community, so to speak?

Speaker 2:

I love that. I don't have that, but why don't I just? You think we should just do, just create one on X or on? Yeah, I think that would be great. Would you help me do that? You can be the first to kind of put something out there. I would love. I have one other request. I would love honest, authentic feedback on the book. You know, marcy, this, this, this part really works for for me, this part like didn't make a lot of sense and feels, you know, academic and you know so, just, I really need that feedback. So I really, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

How to, yeah, make it meaningful. If you wrote the book the way that you explained everything to me, there is absolutely no reason why I wouldn't be able to comprehend it and take it and, you know, use it as a Bible, so to speak. I don't know. I'm really excited about this, super excited. I can't wait. My husband has no idea that I'm just literally going to be sitting on the couch reading all weekend, but that's going to help us.

Speaker 2:

It was on the beach. It was actually a goal of mine to walk onto a beach and see someone reading my books.

Speaker 1:

Yes, one of these days I will. I'll take it with me and I'll take a picture just so that you can see it. Oh, you too. That's awesome, awesome. Well, this has been a really fun conversation. I can't tell you how much I've learned, and and I think that's the best part about this podcast is it's not necessarily bringing people to you know like it's about learning, and if I could learn something new every single day, then I feel like I have actually accomplished something, so I really appreciate that. Thank you so much for being here. I'll make sure that everybody has your information and hopefully we can get some people you know headed your way and really start to build that up, because I feel, like you, what you have is is something that a lot of people need in their lives, so hopefully we can get it in a lot of people's hands. So, yeah, awesome. Thank you so much, marcy. I always end the episode with one final question, and that is what does paradise mean to you?

Speaker 1:

Wow, and you don't give people for warning right, yeah, that's the one question I don't tell anybody about.

Speaker 2:

Well, I'll tell you what came to mind. I mean, paradise is everybody on the planet, including the planet, being happy and healthy, right? No wool, no hurt, um, and being able to, um, I think, do what, what nature has designed us to do, which is this reciprocity, mutuality, cause that's how nature works every tree helps every other. Every everything on the planet's supposed to be in kind of mutual flow. Now we're gonna need struggle, right, because without that you don't learn and grow, so some version will struggle that's kind of far less painful and violent than it is now, and yeah, okay, that's perfect.

Speaker 1:

If only we could get everything to work, you know, in synchronization and just be cohesive.

Speaker 2:

I feel like everything we got perfect well, once you understand the truth about showing up, you know you show up differently. You know you really really do, because everyone has permission to be, to show up on that, that continuum for who and what they are right here, right now. Right, there's acceptance and there's, as I said, reciprocity and mutuality. It's always going to show up. So if anyone's hurting you, don't you worry. You know they're going to learn. They're going to learn the hard way. So you just Very much so Don't be, you know, mean or rude back. You know, just know that you're impacting the world every moment. Right, as part of showing out, you're impacting the world every moment. My TED Talks actually state the science and statistics behind that.

Speaker 1:

That's awesome. Yeah, my grandma used to always tell me you get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar, so I always try to be nice to people.

Speaker 2:

Well, I say like there's a bigger picture out there. So it isn't just feeding yourself, like using the honey instead of flies. You're part of something much larger. And because we feel a lack of meaning and a separateness in today's world and we didn't get into this but because we feel that way, we think we use metaphors, like you know, honey, but really what's going on is that there's a much bigger process that we're all showing up within. We're not showing up as isolated beings, so modeling a more ideal way of showing up, truly showing up by recognizing the impact that we have, the power we all have. It changes everything. It changes how the world shows up for us. It changes how others show up for us.

Speaker 1:

Such a great, great conversation. Thanks again so much. I will keep you posted on when everything airs and all of that and make sure you have all that information. So thank you, and we'll talk soon. Have a great one. Thank you, bea Bye. Hey there, beach lovers, that's it for today's episode of Beachside Banter with B. I sure hope you had as much fun as I did. Hey, don't forget to subscribe and leave a review if you enjoyed the show. You can catch me on all social media platforms, at Life, love and Travel, and if you've got a question or you just want to stop by and say hi, feel free to slide into my DMs and I'll make sure to get those answered for you. Big thanks to everyone who joined me today and for all of you tuned in, and until next time, enjoy your week.