Vladimir Sainte

Join Sondra & Jeni as they talk with Vladimir Sainte about how a quote from Stan Lee, found at the end of Spider-Man, Into the Spider-Verse, impacted his life. They discuss how anyone can be a superhero and the importance of healthy boundaries.
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Transcript »

Presented by the Kansas City Public Library & Jewish Family Services of Greater Kansas City.

Transcript

Sondra Wallace 0:07

Hi everyone, and welcome to our podcast, Power of Words. Thanks for stopping by.

Jeni Starr 0:13

Hi, I'm Jeni Starr. My pronouns are she her, and I'm the health and wellness Specialist for the Kansas City Public Library.

Sondra Wallace 0:20

And I'm Sondra Wallace. My pronouns are she her, and I'm the Director of Mental Health Programs at Jewish Family Services at Greater Kansas City. I'm glad to be back doing a program again with Jeni.

Jeni Starr 0:31

Aww thanks, Sondra. Sondra and I have worked together on mental health programming for several years, and we're pleased to bring you our latest project where we talk with community members and connect stories through words that matter.

Sondra Wallace 0:43

We're excited to have our guests share a little bit about their mental health journeys and their love for Kansas City. We've asked each of our guests to share an example of how specific words have empowered, changed, encouraged, or strengthened their mental health and wellness.

Jeni Starr 0:58

We hope one or two of the words from our conversation today allow you to connect to words that matter to you. How was your weekend, Sondra?

Sondra Wallace 1:15

Oh, let's see. Weekend. Nice. We had some graduation festivities and some holiday festivities, so yeah. Yeah, so it was good. It definitely always goes by quickly, but I have found that really, like on Sundays, I really appreciate just some quiet. I don't turn the TV on until the Chief's game comes on. Sounds

Jeni Starr 1:41

like until the game come on now.

Sondra Wallace 1:43

Yeah, yeah, I know. Okay. Yes, I do. I do. We do that. But yeah, it's, it's just kind of nice to, you know, piddle and not have hard deadline time things to do and

Jeni Starr 1:53

yes.

Sondra Wallace 1:54

So I've, I found myself doing that a few weekends, this, this this fall and it feels good.

Jeni Starr 2:01

That is really good and that's something I am gonna work on.'cause you know I'm in school part-time.

Sondra Wallace 2:08

Yes.

Jeni Starr 2:08

And I have a deadline on Wednesday night and I have a deadline on Sunday night. So I find myself on Sundays. Doing school. When I started school I didn't do that, and so I need to get back to more, trying to get it done during the week so I can have my weekend free.

Sondra Wallace 2:23

Yeah.

Jeni Starr 2:23

But I had a big assignment due Sunday, so

Sondra Wallace 2:26

Oh gosh. Yeah.

Jeni Starr 2:27

I did that until the game, and then I watched the game and then I did that. So.

Sondra Wallace 2:32

And maybe, you know, with this weekend's game, maybe you should have just kept working.

Jeni Starr 2:35

Oh my gosh, I should have. I've never seen that coach so mad. No, I've never seen that quarterback so mad. I have never seen Mm-Hmm. Yeah.

Sondra Wallace 2:45

No.

Jeni Starr 2:45

Not a good game. No. Well it was a good game.

Sondra Wallace 2:48

Yeah.

Jeni Starr 2:48

Till it wasn't a good game.

Sondra Wallace 2:49

Right.

Jeni Starr 2:51

So yeah, it was rough, but you know, it's gonna be fine.

Sondra Wallace 2:56

I know

Jeni Starr 2:56

It's gonna be fine.

Sondra Wallace 2:57

Yep. And I always think about sports and how much resilience and, fight and recover and

Jeni Starr 3:06

yes,

Sondra Wallace 3:06

start fresh. How much that does for folks. And really, I mean, I guess if you kind of think about it, it's probably like any. Performance type space, right. Even

Jeni Starr 3:16

Mm-Hmm.

Sondra Wallace 3:16

Musicians or folks in theater or so forth. You do have a lot of pressure to perform and sometimes it doesn't go as you expect or, or want. And so now you gotta bounce back, right? Like,

Jeni Starr 3:32

right.

Sondra Wallace 3:33

So you think about those skills that those folks have, they

Jeni Starr 3:36

Yeah, for sure. You have to learn from it. So you can't like totally ignore that the mistake happened or that didn't go well, but then you also can't live there.

Sondra Wallace 3:44

Right.

Jeni Starr 3:44

You gotta go forward, so, right. Yeah. Take what you can. Yeah.

Sondra Wallace 3:49

Yeah. I heard a interview. I, I feel like it was maybe this weekend from someone that said I give my mistakes five minutes after five minutes. I'm moving on and I thought, I,

Jeni Starr 4:00

I need that,

Sondra Wallace 4:01

that that's not bad advice.

Jeni Starr 4:03

Not bad advice,

Sondra Wallace 4:04

you know, because we do have to validate it. I mean, we have to recognize it. We have to, you know,

Jeni Starr 4:08

yeah.

Sondra Wallace 4:08

Say, yes, this, this has happened, right?

Jeni Starr 4:11

And well, and it's like you feel bad, and I think that serves a purpose just to. Keep you from continually doing the same thing over and over again. Right. That's not working for you. Yeah. But yeah, you don't need to live feeling bad or Right. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Give yourself the five minutes. I like that.

Sondra Wallace 4:27

Yeah. Yeah.

Jeni Starr 4:28

Let's set a timer next time and see if I can really do it though.

Sondra Wallace 4:31

I know

Jeni Starr 4:32

That's maybe harder.

Sondra Wallace 4:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little bit.

Jeni Starr 4:38

But you know, I give other people that Grace so often. You know, and it's like, I think it's sometimes the hardest person to give grace to is oneself, so,

Sondra Wallace 4:48

right. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's interesting because I think about generosity and how. Again, of course I was reading something and it talked about how we do, we are intentional and we strive to be generous towards others, but are we being generous towards ourself?

Jeni Starr 5:08

Right?

Sondra Wallace 5:09

And I thought, because I keep this little journal and I try to write down, you know, like one thing that I did each day that was, you know, generous or an act of generosity. And until I read that, I hadn't put anything down for myself. You know what I mean?

Jeni Starr 5:22

Mm-Hmm.

Sondra Wallace 5:23

It's like, oh, I gave so and so, some extra time. Or I, dropped this off at my parents' house, or, you know, it's almost like I feel like I've had, I've like been, I don't know, it's not a to-do list, but it's like a, you know

Jeni Starr 5:39

Mm-Hmm.

Sondra Wallace 5:40

Gratitude list. But none of them were for,

Jeni Starr 5:43

for you,

Sondra Wallace 5:44

generosity for myself.

Jeni Starr 5:46

Mm-Hmm.

Sondra Wallace 5:47

I don't know. It kind of caused me to pause a little bit.

Jeni Starr 5:52

Yeah, that is, think about that. That is something to think about for sure. Yeah. And how and how are we generous to ourselves?

Sondra Wallace 5:59

Right.

Jeni Starr 5:59

What does that look like?

Sondra Wallace 6:01

Right. Yeah. I think, yeah, it's a great big question and I've, yeah, it's really,

Jeni Starr 6:09

that is deep. Yeah. Oh gosh. Okay. deep thoughts by Jeni and Sondra. Sondra and Jeni. Yeah.

Sondra Wallace 6:23

Well, yeah. Okay. So full disclosure. So what I wrote down yesterday morning on Sunday morning when I just, I sat in the kitchen, I had this little couch and I just piddled and I was on social media and I was, you know, just doing all these things and I thought, okay, that was being generous to myself because I don't ever do that.

Jeni Starr 6:40

Right.

Sondra Wallace 6:41

Right. I don't just do nothing.

Jeni Starr 6:44

Right. And even today you're like, you know, it was really nice that I didn't have to be so busy Uhhuh.

Sondra Wallace 6:48

Yeah. Yeah.

Jeni Starr 6:50

So, yeah, I definitely think the busyness thing is hugely a problem.

Sondra Wallace 6:56

Mm-Hmm.

Jeni Starr 6:56

For myself and for many people that I know that we have to do something every minute of the day.

Sondra Wallace 7:01

Mm-Hmm.

Jeni Starr 7:01

Like, it's okay to not, yeah.

Sondra Wallace 7:06

Yeah, but my, my husband calls it the busyness badge. Right? Uhhuh. Like people say, oh, I'm doing this. Okay. Me, I'm so busy. Yeah. Shouldn't I have like seven badges on my shoulder or on my arm, or,

Jeni Starr 7:18

Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Yeah. And culturally, I think that's, that's born out of something, right? Mm-Hmm. That we are a culture that we thrive on accomplishments and yeah. Tasks, but, Mm-Hmm. Maybe that's not good for us, even if it's our culture.

Sondra Wallace 7:33

Yeah. Yeah. Well, and like when I'm doing training with students, I always talk about how there's, you know, that's healthy level of stress, that that does motivate you and push you a little bit. And so sometimes I think that that busyness can be sometimes some of that motivation and push. And, you can't stay there for long, but sometimes it does help you to meet deadlines and

Jeni Starr 7:55

Right.

Sondra Wallace 7:55

Get your, get your work done and all that. But

Jeni Starr 7:58

yeah, study for that. Test, yes. Do that thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yep, yep. Yeah. So it's all about balance, I guess. Yeah. Maybe that's where I struggle.

Sondra Wallace 8:09

Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Probably why we get along so well.

Jeni Starr 8:13

Probably, probably, yes. Oh, oh. Well, I'm looking forward to today's conversation.

Sondra Wallace 8:21

I am too.

Jeni Starr 8:24

We have a good guest today.

Sondra Wallace 8:26

I would agree. And I'm excited. We've been intentional about having guests that have different approaches to thinking about the Power of Words. And so I love that this these words are very different than any of the other words that have been shared. By other guests. So

Jeni Starr 8:42

yeah, I'm super excited about the words.

Sondra Wallace 8:45

Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Please help me welcome Vlad Sainte from the Kansas City area.

Jeni Starr 8:52

Welcome.

Vladimir Sainte 8:52

Hello? Hello? Hello. Yes. Nice to be here. Thanks for having me.

Sondra Wallace 8:56

Absolutely. Yeah. We're looking forward to having you share your Power of Words and Jeni and I were talking earlier about how our guests have really shared all kinds of words in very unique and thoughtful and intentional spaces. And so we are excited. For you to share yours in just a few minutes. Wanna let our listeners know a little bit about you, Vlad and as a licensed clinical social worker here in the Kansas City area. And, former child therapist, and a piece that some folks might not know but need to know very much about you, that you are a children's book author as well. And you, I know it's, it's very cool. You really enjoy helping families and individuals. Through challenging times and using some of your books to help with emotional literacy, which is so important. So we thank you for that work that you are already doing in the community. He has his master's in social work from the University of Missouri in Kansas City. So again, another great Kansas City tie here. And currently Vlad is the senior project manager at University Health. Behavioral health and working on those employee engagements throughout the community with the folks that work there. So lots of different hats. It feels like that you wear, and as you said earlier that you are inspired by your two children. Yes. And I love that. This is what you sent to me, you said. Constantly inspired by my two children and look forward to one day seeing the heroes they are meant to be.

Jeni Starr 10:38

Oh, I love that.

Vladimir Sainte 10:40

Hopefully heroes and not villains, but I'll take whatever I get.

Jeni Starr 10:44

You'll work with it, right?

Vladimir Sainte 10:46

Work with me. I'll love them no matter what.

Jeni Starr 10:49

Aw,

Vladimir Sainte 10:52

I say that now. Now

Sondra Wallace 10:54

I was inspired and encouraged just by those words. Like those could be incredibly powerful words. They are, I should say, incredibly powerful words as well. Yeah. Is there anything else, I kind of put together your little parts and pieces of your bio. Any other pieces that I either didn't mention or that you would like for our listeners to know about you?

Vladimir Sainte 11:12

Sure. I mean, you kind of hit home on majority of things, but I. I guess for my clinical background, I've been in the field since 2010 and I've been to numerous agencies but I've learned along the way that just building up my clinical toolbox. So I've had a very profound perspective and view of the helping profession. Although it did burn me out as a child therapist uhhuh, because I was not, I was not managing my boundaries and taking care of myself as I should now, because it's the learning skill. But I, I love my history in terms of the work I've done, work I'm continuing to do, but yeah.

Sondra Wallace 11:53

Yeah. Okay. Awesome.

Jeni Starr 11:56

I wanna come back to that. I wanna come back to that thing about boundaries. But Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Yeah. So you've talked a lot about your background in Kansas City. Mm-Hmm. So when someone's really got a lot of background in Kansas City, we love to ask, what do you love about Kansas City? Like, what's your favorite thing about it these days?

Vladimir Sainte 12:11

The quiet. So, I guess I should share I am not originally born and raised from Kansas City.

Jeni Starr 12:17

Okay.

Vladimir Sainte 12:17

I, I was born in Queens, New York. Jamaica and New York. So I moved out here for school and I remember like the very first week I moved out here, I could not fall asleep. It was just too quiet because I'm so used to sirens cars blaring music at night, just people. Not going to bed until four in the morning. So, wow. It was, it was kind of like my background noise.

Sondra Wallace 12:40

Mm-Hmm.

Vladimir Sainte 12:40

And to move to a place where you hear crickets and you can actually hear people breathing, it was unnerving to say.

Jeni Starr 12:48

I can imagine that.

Vladimir Sainte 12:50

So the very first week I was here, I could not fall asleep. I had to basically play music. So one thing I really love about here is just. It's relaxing, it's, it's quiet. It's subtle. Even when I go and visit my parents back in New York, I, I feel my, my heart rate elevating because of all the stress you can Mm-Hmm. I don't think New Yorkers can feel the stress because they're so in it. Right.

Jeni Starr 13:11

Right. It's just the way it is there.

Vladimir Sainte 13:13

It's just the way it is. But like, whenever I go home, I've learned to kind of pause and just take a step back. Mm-Hmm. And then I did not learn that. Because of Kansas City. I, I've, I've truly mastered that. Not mastered still learning, but, Mm-Hmm. Yeah.

Jeni Starr 13:28

Yeah, yeah. That's interesting.'cause you always think about quiet, being peaceful, but it's not, if that's not what you're used to. Right.

Vladimir Sainte 13:37

Right. And people being kind say that, that's like one of my, like words for, for this podcast. But like quote, I picked, but just being, being kind and

Sondra Wallace 13:50

like

Vladimir Sainte 13:51

Mm-hmm. Human

Sondra Wallace 13:53

like. Yeah. Yeah. I so appreciate that. And it's interesting because that perspective, I think sometimes when the locusts are super loud, I get like annoyed with the uhhuh, with the locust. But, but that's, that's my perspective, right? Like I, I grew up here. I don't, I don't hear the busy of a city. And I always wondered like on those noise maker apps or the sound sleeping apps, I'm like, why would they put a busy city as a. As the sound for, you know, for a sleeping app, like that's exactly right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. So interesting. Yeah.

Vladimir Sainte 14:28

Yeah. Oh, so cool. It's like you seriously don't know. We don't know what we don't know. Like even living there, I thought you had to kind of like have a strong face and when you walk you just, it's tunnel vision, right? Like it's not like that here, obviously, and I've been here long enough to understand the culture, but even when I go back home, I'm mindful, like when I'm walking down the street of. Expecting people will shove me because that is part of the culture. Or crossing the street. You have to watch out. Yeah. Taxi cab drivers may not really see you, so,

Jeni Starr 14:58

right. Oh my goodness. Well, I haven't, I've been to New York several times. I haven't been there in a long time, but I was watching a show that took place and they were showing a, a shot of Times Square and how busy it was, and I was thinking about how I was sitting at a outside, at a restaurant downtown the other day, and. There was just nobody out. It was just, it was just quiet. It was like a nice getaway from the day and I thought, wow, that's just really different.

Vladimir Sainte 15:26

So different.

Sondra Wallace 15:28

Oh, that, that's great. Well speaking of different quotes that, or words that have been shared by our guest again, we are really excited for you to share the words that have meaning and power and purpose for you. I did pull a quote, but I wanna be sure that it's the same one that you are thinking of as well, Vlad. Okay. So do you have a copy of the quote in front of you or, yes,

Vladimir Sainte 15:56

I just pulled it up myself.

Sondra Wallace 15:57

Okay. Okay, cool. Do you wanna read it for us or?

Vladimir Sainte 15:59

Sure.

Sondra Wallace 16:00

Okay.

Vladimir Sainte 16:01

So the quote is from Stan Lee. It says"that person who helps others simply because it should or must be done, and because it is the right thing to do, is indeed, without a doubt, a real superhero" that. From Mr. Stan Lee himself. Oh,

Jeni Starr 16:20

yeah. This might be my favorite quote so far. Yes, yes. Yeah.

Vladimir Sainte 16:27

Oh, yes. It's within my, my nerdy DC Marvel mindset. So it interacts with so, so many things in my life as a social worker, dad, all things.

Jeni Starr 16:37

Yeah. So tell us more about how you came across this particular quote and what the story is like, why you chose it.

Vladimir Sainte 16:44

Yeah, so long story, I guess short as a social worker, we have our code of ethics and one of our tenets or tears within that is dignity and worth of the person. It's one of the values. As a social worker, I hold dear to self. And I remember one day as a child therapist, I was working on this treatment plan and I was thinking about this kiddo who I had in therapy, and he was a big more of a person like I was. And I remember coming across that quote in terms of how do I mirror like the comic world into this kid's like perspective, but also make it part of their treatment.'cause they really love comic books. Mm-Hmm. And I saw that quote. It connected with me just because of my professional values. I'm like, right, because being a superhero doesn't mean you're, you're, you're a police officer, you're a firefighter. Anyone could be a superhero. What? Mm-Hmm. A superhero is, is someone who generally wants to help. Like it's just a humanistic approach, right? Mm-Hmm. I generally want to do good in this world. And it just stuck with me.'cause I, I, I genuinely want to, the work I do as a child therapist it was before I was a dad, so I really wasn't thinking about myself at the time. Right.

Sondra Wallace 17:56

Yeah, yeah.

Vladimir Sainte 17:57

But just like, I wanna change the world. So it, yeah, it kind of shaped my track as a therapist, but also even when creating my book part of it. Specifically was due to, I just couldn't find a book that looked like myself and this other black child who was dealing with depression. I'm like, you know what I want to do? I can do good. Mm-Hmm. He'll legitimately see the intrinsic value of this kid. And I wanna create something that he can connect with. And that's. Why I basically created my first one, which was intended to be used as a therapeutic tool. Mm-Hmm. But then it, it found its way into the world.

Jeni Starr 18:36

Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Yes. That's so cool. Yeah. Well, yeah. And by this definition of superhero. Could anyone be a superhero? Could everyone obtain that? Yes.

Vladimir Sainte 18:46

Anyone? Yeah. Yeah, anyone? It's like the, the concept of zero suicide, right? So teaching people like those steps to help someone who's struggling the most. Anyone can have those basic skills. Doesn't have to be like a crisis clinician. Yes, it does, but still they have, we can have those generic, like fundamental like framework to assist someone, right? Mm-Hmm. If we see someone hurting, we don't. If we have the know-how, why can't we help them? Mm-Hmm. Yeah. And then be a good human. If we see someone fall down next to us, why can't we help them up and be a good human? Right? Assuming we can lift them up. Right. But still knowing, knowing those limits can't go back. Yeah. We can do Mm-Hmm. But still operate in those lanes. Like I do have this skill. I do have the superpower. I, I, I can. Mm-Hmm. I can do it.

Sondra Wallace 19:38

Yeah. Well, and I think so much, you know, around mental health and, you know you know, emotional wellness and, and wellbeing. That's, there's so many things that we can't see if you will. And so I wonder how we engage with each other or we, we build on, I guess, relationships really in order to be able to see a concern without. Having to physically see it.

Vladimir Sainte 20:07

Yeah. So sometimes I'm like really good about remembering quotes. I, I, I love, but knowledge is not just power. It's empowering. Right.

Sondra Wallace 20:16

Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm.

Vladimir Sainte 20:18

Right. Like seeking that understanding. Right. Collaborating with people who may be, content experts. Mm-Hmm. So like a crisis clinician or a Q or Right. And just having those dialogues and asking those questions, like what are those, like not precipitating factors, but what are those like criteria or, or behavioral problems that if I see it, I should, it should ring a bell of like, oh, this person may need support and help. Right, right. Because there are those people out there like me who. Try their best to remember what those criteria are.

Jeni Starr 20:46

Yes,

Vladimir Sainte 20:46

yes. Like, wait, hold on. Lemme looking at DSL real quick. Right. So there are hard individuals out there. But again, we can seek that knowledge out. It's there. We just, what are, what, what are we willing to do in order to kind of like teach ourselves, empower ourselves?

Sondra Wallace 21:01

Have you always been a superhero fan? Has that kind of been. Yeah,

Vladimir Sainte 21:06

so, so earlier I mentioned how I was born and raised in Queens, New York. My I'm first born generation Haitian American, so my parents immigrated here back in the seventies from Haiti, and when they moved to New York. They kind of built their, their lives and their experience as parents around fear in terms of the community.'cause like they would watch the news and all these horrific things that were going on. So my parents, both helicopter parents. Mm-Hmm, sure. Yeah. They worked, yeah, they worked their tails off my, remember my dad, my mom had three jobs, my dad had two jobs and, but they made us. I'm the oldest of three. All of my siblings and I, we went to a Catholic school. We didn't have to, but they thought if we, that was like the safest place for us instead of like public school system. Mm-Hmm. Which was not the case.

Jeni Starr 21:53

Oh, that's interesting. That stories behind that comment.

Vladimir Sainte 21:59

Yeah. You get bullied no matter what school system. Yeah. So, so but due to their fear. We did not go out. We, I would, I would go to school, come home, and so on the weekends I had to basically create my own worlds to escape. Mm-Hmm. Like my boredom, because again, they were trying to keep us safe. Mm-Hmm. My, my brother and I, we basically created our own universes and so we reflected back on those content experts like Stan Lee and created our own little cartoon paper figures. So we made these little, yeah. Cartoon figures.

Jeni Starr 22:36

Oh, cool. Yeah.

Vladimir Sainte 22:38

And so we created our own little, where we kind of expanded our imagination. Yeah. Kind of like reading a comic book and just kind of, and using those words to see different things. So. Mm-Hmm. I started off there. In terms of, yeah. That's

Jeni Starr 22:53

so neat. Do you have any of those still Vlad

Vladimir Sainte 22:55

I actually do. So I have two sets. I don't, I am my original set when I was younger.

Jeni Starr 23:01

Mm-Hmm.

Vladimir Sainte 23:02

I mean, I gave it to my 8-year-old, so she, or 9-year-old now. So she has my original set. Mm-Hmm. My second set is when I started working in therapy, I would have kids create their own versions of themselves as superheroes oh, cool. And so, yeah, so I, I have a box full of that, Mm-Hmm. Which is at home in my, my office. Don't have it. If wanted

Jeni Starr 23:21

to share a photo with us like that, we could share in the show notes.'cause I think it's fun to see what you're talking about. That's totally up to you though. But it might be fun to share a picture in the show notes of what they look like.

Vladimir Sainte 23:32

Totally. Yeah. Mm-Hmm.

Jeni Starr 23:34

Yeah. I just have this vision of kids just making this whole world with paper figures. How fun is that

Vladimir Sainte 23:41

was the best. How was the best? That's so again, it's like them seeing their, like, their strength, their superpower, but it's not mentioned enough. And so just to have that space where we talk about it and they can create it themselves. It's so empowering.

Jeni Starr 23:56

Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool. I just love that.

Sondra Wallace 24:00

And it, I know, and I'm just thinking about how it's reframing the word superhero, right? Yeah. Like what we as society have considered a superhero and. And what, I don't know if I'm using that word correctly, but, you know, reframing it or re reimagining it maybe is even a word, like Yeah. To, to think about that. We all have our own qualities. Yeah. Oh, that's so cool.

Vladimir Sainte 24:30

Mm-Hmm. Yeah, I remember, yeah. There was this really cool book that we used to read to my, my daughter when she was younger. I think it was actually the author was a, it's a KCU author, but it was what makes a superhero? What are superheros?

Jeni Starr 24:42

Mm-Hmm. And

Vladimir Sainte 24:43

it, it was basically about all these different jobs airplane pilot a veterinarian, a cafeteria employee. Just all these different positions. Yeah. But they're supporting their, they're helping someone in, in that description. So it doesn't matter what role you are, it's what you're doing with that power that matters and what kind of influence you're having with someone who may not be on the same level as you. Right. Yeah. So anyone can be superhero, anyone can have that passion and desire to, to wanna help someone else.

Sondra Wallace 25:14

Yeah. Well, and some of the work that, that we do around wellness some of the training, you know, even with, with students and youth, we talk about how that act of generosity, you know, goodness for others and, and kindness and compassion about how. You know, it's, it's thousands. That theory is thousands of years old. Right. But now, in the last 1,500 years, the neuroscientists mm-Hmm. Have proven it right? Like, they tell us that our brain is stronger and healthier when we are helping others, when we are doing for others, when we are being that superhero to serve. And, and that's so, I mean, I, I just, I think that's just amazing. Like, everything about it is. Fascinating to me, but Right. Yeah.

Jeni Starr 25:59

Yeah. So cool. Yeah. Okay. So I said I wanted to circle back to boundaries because there's helping, but can you help too much Vlad?

Vladimir Sainte 26:10

Yeah. Yes.

Jeni Starr 26:11

And how do you know, and how do you know it's a healthy boundary or you're just a jerk, like, well, how do you know?

Vladimir Sainte 26:19

Probably the follow, probably the follow through. Okay. Okay. Like if someone ask you to do something, you're like, eh, I'll get to it when I get to it. But that's still also boundaries too. But if you don't get to it, then it might be a thing. So I, I firmly believe there, there is. I think boundaries are individually defined, right? Mm-Hmm. So like, what I need to protect me may be different from you. And I say this due to the fact that throughout my career I, I know, I remember myself staying at work late to get my notes done. Mm-Hmm.'cause we used to have, well we still do like 24 hours to, to get in your notes, so, Mm-Hmm. I would make sure I wouldn't go home unless my notes were done and then I would come in the next day. This clear slate Mm-Hmm. Until I had seen my clients that day. Right, right. But that worked for me, but that wasn't healthy. It wasn't healthy for me at the time. Mm-Hmm. Due to the fact of how long I was taking to do them and how late I was staying. Mm-Hmm. Compared to if I would come in the next morning. I know if people, who that works for them Mm-Hmm. Because they don't have children. At the time, I didn't have kids and I Mm-Hmm. I could not do what I was doing then now. Right. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. But there were times that it worked for me and. I know that oftentimes we just need to know what our limits are.'cause if we don't, then we are setting ourselves up for failure in that regard. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. Because we think we can, but in reality, we, we, we shouldn't or we, we can't. Mm-Hmm.

Jeni Starr 27:49

Yeah. And even we may have good intentions. Mm-Hmm. But can't follow through in the end.

Vladimir Sainte 27:54

Can't follow through. Right. And so we're setting ourselves up for failure and also the work that we're doing.'cause we're not mitigating or managing. Those levels, right? Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. I, I think not glassy or glossy eyes, but there's this term it's called the optimism effect or something like that, where you're thinking that your work will get done because it's just meant to be like, you're just really optimistic, but you're negating all those barriers and loop like loopholes that could come in the way to disrupt what you're doing. So, yeah, I can keep going because this is going to happen. I'm just really positive about it. That's how I used to function. Mm-Hmm. And then it was like weighing on my body, so I was sacrificing that. Like sacrificing not going to lunch. I don't have to go to lunch. Yeah. Yeah. I spend 60 minutes knocking this note out. It's okay. Yeah. Get done. I don't have to get up at my desk. Who needs to go for a walk? I don't need fresh air. I'll deal with that when I go home and get in my car. I need to get these work. Yeah. So, mm-Hmm mm-Hmm mm-Hmm.

Sondra Wallace 28:59

Yeah. And I think it's such an interesting balance between wanting to, to do well and to succeed. Right? But at what cost, right? Yeah. At the cost of your physical wellness, the cost of your mental wellness, the cost of, you know, the quality of work, if you will. I don't know that it's generational. Like I feel like we're probably all similar generations here, but except my kids are way older. But yeah,

Vladimir Sainte 29:27

it might be generational.

Sondra Wallace 29:30

I feel like because we're learning so much more and it's becoming more mainstream about the impact of unhealthy stress or unhealthy boundaries and what that impact has on us, whether we notice it in the moment or we notice it 10 years later. Right. Right. That your body can only. Handle that level of stress for so long. I'm very hopeful that this next generation of kids, your children's age, right? They're gonna learn and hear that hopefully more and more from us as they grow up and maybe are able to set better boundaries. I don't know. I don't know. Do you feel that hope?

Vladimir Sainte 30:08

I think so. And I don't know the stats or numbers, but like I do know like. Post Covid because we're living in this post covid world, right? Mm-Hmm. And also this, not my millennial generation, but the Gen Zs, I believe. Mm-Hmm. They're setting the tone. Mm-Hmm. I remember hearing like, just in addition to the marketplace, they're. Asking for these things ahead of time. I was not Mm-Hmm. I was not taught to, to ask about like, what are your wellness initiatives at your organization? What do you guys do for Selfcare? Uhuh? That was never one of my interview questions.

Sondra Wallace 30:45

No.

Vladimir Sainte 30:47

But now it's, it's important, right? There's this huge paradigm shift, if you will, in terms of prioritizing that. Mm-Hmm. In, in the need of the individual. Mm-Hmm. So I think, I think the, the more and more we talk about these, the more, more we see it. Mm-Hmm. My, my kids if I don't think they're gonna work anywhere unless there's like a, a yoga mat in the, in the staff lounge. Yeah.

Jeni Starr 31:10

Yeah,

Sondra Wallace 31:13

yeah. Well, and also I think just the, the shift in the culture of a workplace, right? I think that this, one of the, the great things that. So many of us learned was that we can work in different settings and be just as productive, right? Yes. We don't have to be in the cube clocking in and out. Right. And sometimes we're more productive or more creative when we're not, you know? So I, I love that, that they're gonna be able to experience that.

Jeni Starr 31:40

Yeah. Yeah. That's so true.

Vladimir Sainte 31:41

I completely agree.

Sondra Wallace 31:42

Mm-Hmm,

Jeni Starr 31:42

that's so true. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I was more productive when I was home. More often but then like the nature of work, sometimes you just need to be in a place, but exactly. Mm-Hmm. Yeah. But like, I even found myself having to watch boundaries working from home, thinking, okay, you don't have to never take a break just because you don't have coworkers to walk by and say hello, you know? Right.

Vladimir Sainte 32:07

You know what's so interesting about that? I remember during Covid. My boundaries. I was practicing them more because I wasn't in a structure of an office. It's like this weird kind of like reactivity of I feel like I'm being watched, so I'm just going to sit and do work and be productive. Right. Again, this productivity notion, it was mm-hmm. Just driving me, but sitting home and doing my job, I'm like, whoa, I got done. I'm done early or Uhhuh, wait, wait a minute. Am I really done early? Wait, what's happening? What did I do wrong? Yeah, I wanted that being an issue like the first few months or so. But it was nice just getting up and going a walk around the block.'cause what else can I do? Yeah. Yeah. So I was like forcing myself to take care of myself, which is mind boggling.

Sondra Wallace 32:53

Yeah. Yeah. That's very cool. I I was looking at some of the, the quotes, you know, when I was finding your quote Vlad and

Vladimir Sainte 33:02

Oh, in that article. Oh, that article, yes.

Sondra Wallace 33:04

Yeah. Yeah. It is. And it really it makes, it made me so appreciate the wisdom that Stan Lee had. Mm-Hmm. I, I think. I felt like around mental health, but it wasn't labeled mental health, if you will. Mm-Hmm. Or self care, you know? And, and what did it say? He was 90 years old when he passed away. So he's, he was talking about creativity and imagination and being true to who you are. Mm-Hmm. And, and. One of his quotes was about like, why would I retire and go play golf? I mean, like, I just wanna write another book. I just wanna write another show. You know, because he was so passionate about it. And I think that's, it's, it's really cool to think about his wisdom for so many years and how we can use that now as, as examples or as.

Vladimir Sainte 34:01

Rosetta Stone, if you will. Yes. Yes. Taught us a new way of, of, it's a new language, not you, but Yeah. It was a guide. Yeah.

Sondra Wallace 34:11

Yeah. Yeah. That's so cool to think about. Yeah. I'm so inspired. Like, I wanna go back and read so many of'em and, and maybe Vlad that's your next book, right? Like take, take the Marvel in DC quotes and turn them into a, you know, it's books little, a coffee table book.

Jeni Starr 34:27

Yes.

Vladimir Sainte 34:29

I, I legitimately when I was reading some of those quotes, I like remember just that. What he stood for in terms of his comics, because his design was his way of helping others. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. And not just helping people, but challenging some of the isms that we had as society. Yep. And I think Captain America was an introduction to even, or war efforts. And I, and there should have been, I think there is a quote in there in terms of when he created Captain America, he also created. A comic character was actually advocating against certain things about the war, and that was again, and Stanley got, he received heat for it, but he, he, I remember him saying in the interview of, this is my way of speaking my piece, and I have to kind of, again, going back to doing something right because it's not. My role, but I just want to, I'm passionate about this and I'm using this, this platform to share this with others.'cause I know that there are people who are thinking this, but are maybe afraid to express it.

Jeni Starr 35:35

Yeah. Mm-Hmm.

Sondra Wallace 35:37

Yeah.

Vladimir Sainte 35:38

Yeah.

Jeni Starr 35:38

Well, and I love that that to be

Vladimir Sainte 35:39

unheard.

Jeni Starr 35:40

You think it, this quote made me think about how we can find inspiration in places that maybe seem unlikely but really aren't. Mm-Hmm. But like just different kinds of spaces. And throughout our podcast conversations, we've had lots of conversations around creativity and mental health. Mm-Hmm. And so here again. We have this theme running through, you know, I can, this, I can just see a little boy making little figures to play with Mm-Hmm. And use that creativity Mm-hmm. To solve your problems that you were having. Mm-Hmm. You know? Mm-Hmm. And Stan Lee used his creativity to have a voice and to raise issues in a bigger, more public way. But, mm-Hmm. How we can really harness creativity to support our health. We, yeah. Yeah.

Vladimir Sainte 36:24

And change the way we, we see things. In my, my first book, I actually have a section where kiddos. There's like this blank square, and kiddos are encouraged to design their own hero. It stems from the years of like creating a little paper doll, right? My brother. Mm-Hmm. But I want them to have that experience of how do you see yourself that is so important. We can, we can hear people telling us how we see ourselves. Right. Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm. But how do you see yourself? Mm-Hmm. Which is, can be dangerous in terms of if you don't have like a full rounded version. Mm-Hmm. But that's why I want to have these emotional literacy conversations with kiddos in terms of building that confidence in early on.

Jeni Starr 37:03

Yeah. That's so cool. What is the title of your book, Vlad? Did we say that? Oh, I don't think we did.

Vladimir Sainte 37:08

Just Like a Hero'. Have to think about it.

Jeni Starr 37:10

'Just Like a Hero'.

Sondra Wallace 37:11

Mm-Hmm. Yeah,

Jeni Starr 37:13

I'm fairly certain we have that at the Kansas City Public Library. We do.

Vladimir Sainte 37:17

I think we do. I think we do.

Jeni Starr 37:18

We do. Okay, so we'll make sure and link to the show notes where you can find that at the library.

Sondra Wallace 37:24

Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think Vlad we are again, incredibly grateful for your time and your Oh, my insight and your connections to just energy and, and the power, truly the power of words and, and what you shared with us this afternoon or today. So as we wrap up. We like to ask all of our guests that as of today, right now, in this moment in time, what is your favorite word?

Vladimir Sainte 37:52

Ooh. I was going to say heal, but that has too much to it. Care, care, care, care, care for not just. Ourselves, but for others, actually no opposite way care for, not just others, but also for ourselves.

Jeni Starr 38:05

Mm-Hmm mm-Hmm.

Vladimir Sainte 38:06

We cannot do for others if we're not willing to do for ourselves. So care. Mm-Hmm. I think

Jeni Starr 38:11

mm-Hmm.

Vladimir Sainte 38:11

We have to take better care of ourselves.

Jeni Starr 38:13

Mm-Hmm.

Vladimir Sainte 38:14

More care of ourselves.

Jeni Starr 38:16

I love that. Thank you. Mm-Hmm.

Vladimir Sainte 38:18

You're welcome.

Sondra Wallace 38:19

Sorry. Yeah, I was gonna say just totally connected to the quote, you know, I mean that we do write Yep. Full circle.

Jeni Starr 38:25

Full

Sondra Wallace 38:25

circle,

Jeni Starr 38:26

yes. And even to the conversation we were having before you joined us, that I know this has just been, things happen. You know, the universal aligns yes.

Vladimir Sainte 38:34

One that segue like that. Yeah.

Jeni Starr 38:38

So Vlad, are there any resources or other connections in the community that you want listeners to know about? Maybe like your go-to organization websites, blogs, or social media?

Vladimir Sainte 38:48

Well, you know, I'm partial to University Health, Behavioral Health or, yes. All.

Jeni Starr 38:55

Yes.

Vladimir Sainte 38:58

So that's a little self promo, but yeah, so University Health, Behavioral Health, other things in terms to one's self or, or just taking care of themselves? I would highly recommend there's a podcast I listen to in terms of the pursuit, the science, the pursuit of happiness. Mm-Hmm.'The Science Pursuit of Happiness'. You guys know what I'm talking about?

Jeni Starr 39:19

Yes.

Vladimir Sainte 39:19

Okay. Okay. I'm like butchering the title. Yes.

Sondra Wallace 39:24

Yep.

Vladimir Sainte 39:26

So that's a phone

Sondra Wallace 39:26

out of Harvard. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

Jeni Starr 39:29

yes. Perfect. Okay, cool. Well, and of course, we always invite you to check out our organization websites, kclibrary.org and jfskc.org for programs and resources.

Sondra Wallace 39:42

Yep. Yep. And until next time, we challenge you to listen, react, and respond to the Power of Words. Take care.

Vladimir Sainte 39:52

Thanks for having me.

Jeni Starr 39:54

Thanks, Vlad thanks for joining us. What a fun time we've had. Thank you for listening, and we hope you enjoyed this episode of Power of Words.

Sondra Wallace 40:07

This episode is produced by the Kansas City Public Library and Jewish Family Services of Greater Kansas City. With support from AmeriCorps,

Jeni Starr 40:15

we encourage you to explore our health resources and services available in the show notes

Sondra Wallace 40:20

and follow or subscribe for new episodes wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.