13. A Lesson in Respect: How to Spot Red Flags on a Date

A Lesson in Respect: How to Spot Red Flags on a Date

In this episode of 'Becoming Sunshine,' the host shares a recent dating experience that taught her crucial lessons in setting boundaries and recognizing red flags. Initially tricked into going on a date by a man who lacked confidence to ask directly, she recounts the various red flags that surfaced, including disrespect for her time, unwanted physical contact, and overly clingy behavior. The story serves as a cautionary tale for both women and men, highlighting the importance of respecting boundaries and the need for women to prioritize their safety and comfort. Tune in to hear how this experience, though frustrating, was ultimately valuable for personal growth and content creation.

00:00 Introduction to Becoming Sunshine

00:30 A Different Kind of Episode

01:14 The Date Invitation

03:59 Red Flags on the First Date

04:46 Uncomfortable Dinner Experience

11:07 Reflecting on the Date

16:01 The Next Day's Plans

18:07 The Awkward Date Begins

18:34 Red Flags and Predatory Behavior

20:46 Uncomfortable Concert Experience

25:31 Lessons Learned and Reflections

30:21 Final Thoughts and Advice

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Welcome to Becoming Sunshine—the podcast where real talk meets self-evolution. This isn’t about being your highest self 24/7 or pretending healing is always pretty. It’s about learning through lived experience—friendships, heartbreaks, glow-ups, setbacks, boundaries, and everything in between. 

Each week, I share unfiltered stories, honest lessons, and the moments that cracked me open and helped me grow. We’ll talk love, self-worth, emotional intelligence, leveling up

Transcript

Madeline: 0:00

Welcome to Becoming Sunshine. For those of you that know me, you know that Sunshine has been an alias of mine for almost a decade now, and sunshine also is me becoming my highest self, and that's what this podcast is about. I'm here to help you understand yourself better and maybe learn some more about myself along the way. Thanks so much for joining me. I'm excited.

0:27

Hi friends. Welcome back to Becoming Sunshine. Today's episode is a little bit different. It's like a story time and honestly I think that women can really take something away from this as well as men, honestly. So I think like everyone can learn from this recent experience of mine. So here we go. it was actually my mom that like, gave me the idea to make this into an episode.'cause at first I was really upset about what happened and I was just like upset that I like, gave my time and my energy to something. And she just helped me reframe it. And she was like, it wasn't a waste. Think of the content you got from this and like the lesson and you can really help like other women as well as men. Here we go. So I recently accepted a date, which I actually didn't even mean to, I was like tricked into going on a date, which is something that guys do. I've learned. And I think it's when guys are like not confident enough to actually be direct and ask you, which should be a lesson to the men out there. If you don't feel confident enough to ask directly for a girl to go out with you, you probably shouldn't be asking because like, why would I go out with you if you're not even confident enough to ask? That's wild. Do you think you're a man that I would date if you're not even like the level of confidence you would ask me? That's so crazy and weird. yeah, if you feel like I would say no. If you ask me directly, then you probably shouldn't ask. But anyways, so this guy, and maybe I should just stop answering my dms. I really don't ever, but yeah, I just yeah, I don't know. So this guy dmd me, we had a bunch of mutual friends and I knew people that knew him, so it wasn't like that outta the blue and that weird, and he like invited me to this concert and it was a show I really wanted to go to. So I was like, oh, like this could be fun. Honestly, I am not really trying to date anyone right now, but if a guy wants to take me on an experience that, I think would be fun. Like, why not? Like why not give him a chance? Let's just, let's see. And so this guy invited me to this show that I really wanted to go to, and he had gone to a show with some of my friends like a few weeks prior. And so I thought it would be like a big group and he was just extending the invitation. That's initially what I had thought when I responded to the dm. And so I was like, oh yeah, like that sounds so fun. Let's do it. Let's go. And he was like, okay, cool. Let's, do dinner the night before. And I was just, was like okay, yeah. Like we can do that if it's like early enough, I'm not trying to give this guy my whole Friday and Saturday, but yeah, we can go to dinner. Like I should probably get to know you before we go to the show together. Again, I thought it was like in a big group, but I thought maybe it was like, I don't know, his section or something. I don't know. And so I was like okay yeah, as long as it's early, we can go to dinner on Friday. And so he's okay, like what do you like to eat? What's your favorite food? And I'm just like oh like I love sushi, but we can do whatever. And so he is okay, like where is your favorite? Where's your favorite restaurant? Like blah, blah, blah. And I was like, oh, like I like this place, but like we can really go wherever. And he was like okay, cool. Like dinner's at this time, at this place. And I was like oh, cool. Like it's really hard to get a last minute reservation at this place. Like you must have the hookup, so like red flag number one, not confident enough to actually ask me. Directly on a date. Yeah.'cause then like later I had asked him like, about the vibes for the show and I was like, oh who's going? Is it gonna be like a big group? And he was like oh no, it's just us. Is that okay? And it's I guess it has to be now like. Okay, so now I've committed to two dates with this person, like unknowingly okay, love that for me, and maybe this is just me being naive, but I just also think he is like intentionally trying to mislead me. I don't think that's like an accident. So yeah. Red flag number one is that he was like, tricking me into a date to go to the show with him. And then on Friday we're like walking in the door to the restaurant at dinner and and it was like an earlier, at an earlier time, it was like seven 30 or something.'cause like again, I told him like, I have to be somewhere later, like I planned later. And he's like oh, by the way our reservation's not till nine, but I'm sure we can get a spot. Like, what you're telling me this as we're walking in the door. You don't respect my time. Like I literally told you that I had somewhere to be later and it's just you have no problem monopolizing my whole evening. And I feel like I was raised to be polite and a good girl. I think that's like a generational thing and it's just this man isn't respecting my time or my boundaries, so why do I need to be a polite nice girl to him. But I try to be cool, i'm like okay, that's fine. Not really, but I guess, we're already here. And I was like, okay, maybe. Yeah, I'm a chill girl, I'm a chill girl. Like maybe we can get a spot. And so we're like sitting at the bar or whatever, like getting drinks while we're waiting for a table or like a spot at the bar to open up and where we were sitting at the bar, it was not full service. There was like a full service section of the bar that they sit, but we were not sitting there. There was like one chair and so I was sitting at the chair and he's like standing, like hovering over me. Which like, I understand the restrictive area, but it's like, this is our first time meeting and you're like super close to me and touching me and stuff. And I get we're in close corners, but I don't feel like there's any reason for you to be touching me when I barely know you and it's the first date. So I was already uncomfortable. And like we're sitting there getting a drink. And I feel like he's not really watching the bar to see if spots are opening up. And I swear there was a point where there was definitely like spots and like eventually I feel like it was like an hour and a half had gone by.'cause we were on our second drink and I was just like, Hey Do you see spots opening up? Does the host stand know that like we're waiting to sit at the bar, like we're waiting to sit somewhere. And he was just like oh okay, let me check. And it just was like honestly, I feel like I should have been like listen I have to go, when I am giving you a first date, I don't owe you my whole evening. Like I owe you maybe an hour and a half, two hours. If it's not going well, like I don't need to give you my whole night, nor should you expect that as a man. And so it already had been like an hour and a half. we're not really eating anything, you're not respecting that I had stuff I had to do later. I had plans later. I had other obligations. Like honestly, I should have left. But the nice girl in me was just like, okay, let's just wait this out, and mind you, while we're sitting, standing at the bar, he's like touching me, rubbing my back, like touching my legs and I'm just like, not cool. Please don't touch me. And I should have nipped it in the bud right there and said something. I'm trying to be like a cool girl, trying to be chill. I get it. Like he's trying to like be close to me so we can talk.'cause we're like at this crowded bar. And also too, when I'm on a first date, like I'm not trying to have really more than two drinks. Like maybe if it's going really well, but it's like now we haven't even had dinner yet and I've already on my second drink. I don't like this. it almost feels calculated or predatory, like you're trying to get me drunk or something. I don't know. So finally we get sat at the bar. And again, we're sitting side by side at the bar, so he's like very close to me. His chair is very close to me, probably by design. Like our chairs don't need to be that close to each other. You don't need to be like touching my leg. If we were sitting at a table on the first date, we would be sitting across from each other. We'd have ample. Space, and it's just you're not my boyfriend. We haven't been dating for a while. There's no reason why you need to be touching me. There's no reason so I'm uncomfortable, and we're getting food or whatever. He like orders bottles sake, and I get like another drink or whatever. So now I'm like on my third drink and we're having sake and it's getting later. And, like we had an okay time at dinner. We had okay conversations. There were some things that were like a little bit problematic. I liked that he took an interest in things that are important to me. Like he was asking me questions, trying to get to know me, but he was giving me like unsolicited advice, like on my podcast, on my brand. And I had to like finally nip it in the bud and I was like listen, I already know what I need to do. I need to be consistent with it. everything goes back to me being consistent and like what I need to be doing is like spending my time there, not here with you on this date. So maybe you should stop giving me advice Yeah, I hate when guys give me unsolicited advice or they try to mansplain, especially on the first date, like love that you took an interest in something that I'm passionate about, babe. But stay in your lane. Yeah, so didn't love that. Didn't love all the touching please don't touch me. Your chair doesn't need to be as close to me. It's just like a boundaries thing. Like it just felt like he didn't respect my time or my boundaries. And honestly I think that I would've been justified to get up from the dinner and excuse myself and leave. I don't think it has to be like that bad. Like you have to be like in danger. Like a guy has to cross the line that bad. I think if they're being disrespectful, I don't owe you my evening. I don't owe you anything. Yeah, you invited me here to dinner. That was very kind of you like yeah, you invited me to the show the next day. But it's just if you're not respecting me or my boundaries. I think I'm justified in excusing myself, and I think women need more licensing for that and I'm encouraging you to do that if you're ever uncomfortable on a date and not worry about being polite or a good girl because like nice for what? He wasn't being nice. Yeah, he was being nice, but like being like overly affectionate and disrespectful that's not nice. Why do I owe him anything? I don't yeah, so it starts to get later, right? And I'm like, maybe he's just nervous. I'm trying to like, give him a chance. A lot of these like things that I'm saying now, it's took me a minute to reflect on like in the moment. I didn't really have all these ideas. I like intuitively felt like un uncomfy and icky, but it took me like a day or two to put all these pieces together and that's why I'm, talking about it now and reflecting on it now. Honestly, before the date, the night before, like I worked really late and I was really tired. So tired. I was like nauseous, like I didn't even really wanna go. But I was just like I told this guy, I would go with him. I'll just go we'll have a good time. And so I was like delusional tired before, so I wasn't like at my best. So it was probably why I didn't pick up on these things right away, or take them as. Seriously as I should have recognized the red flags as much as I should have. Anyways, so it's like getting later and like obviously my plans for the evening were not feeling like they were gonna happen and so he was like oh, do you wanna get another drink? And I'm like, yeah sure, whatever. That's fine. And the place we were going was like literally right by my house. Like I literally could have walked home. Not that I would, I was just like yeah sure it's like literally on the way home we'll give him more drink, talk about the logistics for tomorrow for the show. Whatever. And so we're like at the next place getting a drink and I don't even know how this came up. I think, like I briefly looked over his social media before just to see what he was about and gauge what he was about and stuff. And I think I like thought he had been married before and maybe had some like kids.'cause he was like older. And I've dated older guys before and honestly one of the best relationships I ever had was with a guy that was a little bit older than me. I think sometimes that helps with the polarity in relationships and I just respect them more. I feel like I can learn more from them. I look up to them more. And so it wasn't weird that he was older than me, I thought like maybe that was like a good thing at first. And then when I discovered that he had never been married before, I was just like oh, that's interesting. And I think that's a generational thing. I think millennials are getting married later and I think that's fine. I also think, if you're really focused on your career and stuff, and so I had asked him, I was like oh, were you really focused on your career? Blah, blah, blah, blah. And he's no, I just like never met the right person. I don't know if this is like a weird double standard, I think like women maybe like I would believe, but from a man, like the whole reason why men work so hard in their careers to get the girl. So it's like if you are never married and you're like almost 50, it's I think that's a red flag, especially with the generation before us. Gen Xs is very uncommon, I feel like, for men not to get married when they're younger. I feel like culturally is just like a little bit odd. I feel like again, like today people are getting married later and it's not as weird. It's oh like congrats, you avoided your first divorce. It's like a bad joke, but yeah, I think like the previous generation people have stayed unhappily married or, and I get it, maybe he really is like so smart, and if there hadn't been all these other like red flags, maybe I would've believed that, he really didn't meet the right person. He really was smart. He really was like avoiding his first divorce. But with all these like little red flags, I just was like i'm not sure if I believe that's the reason why you were never married. So yeah, another red flag ladies, if he's like almost 50 and has never been married, never even came close, like odd. And he also asked me like, he was like, oh, I wanna have our first kiss. Like what? That's so weird. I get like consent okay asking me, but I wanna have our first kiss. I don't even think that's asking. I think that's like why would you think that one, I owe you a kiss and two that like, I wanna kiss you. Like I don't, those are not the vibes that are happening. So strange and I feel like as a man, you can tell when a girl wants to kiss you like, or you just I feel like you can tell like you don't really have to, there's like nonverbal cues and there was none of that going on. I don't know, it was just very strange, very odd. Obviously we called it a night, not long after that and honestly I was not really feeling like going to the show with him the next day. But I was like, maybe he was just nervous, chalking it up to that first dates are always like awkward sometimes. Not really for me, but I don't know, yeah I don't know. Again, thought maybe it was like a generational thing. I was very tired, a little bit off my game. Like my radar was a little bit off and like I really did wanna go to the show tomorrow. And I was like, oh my gosh. He was just nervous. Tomorrow's gonna be so fun. Like it's fine. So the next day this guy's like blowing up my phone early and he's let's go get coffee. Let's go for a walk. And I was just like bro I'm seeing you later today. I just saw you last night. Like chill. You like monopolized my night last night? Like you're not getting my whole day, right. and honestly, I was hungover. It's like we drank more than I was planning to I need the morning to recover and like chill because I'm supposed to meet this guy in the afternoon to hang out a little bit before the show. Like the show I think was like at 7 30 or something, and actually didn't end up starting until 8 30, but like whatever we're gonna get there at seven or something. And he was like, oh, we should go pre-game before. And so I was like okay yeah, cool. Like we can get dinner before, like pre-game a little bit, get a drink before, that's cool, whatever. And it's if the show starts at seven, like we should go at five. And he wanted to meet up at 3 o'clock and I'm just like there's no reason why we need to hang out four hours before the show. I just met you. I don't need to give you my whole day. And the fact that he'd already asked me to hang out earlier in the day, like it was just too much. Like it was too much. So clingy, guys, if you are like asking out someone new and trying to get someone new please don't do this. It's unattractive. It's so clingy, and it's just it's just too much and it's again, not respectful of my time, like I have other stuff going on. Just because you invited me to something doesn't mean I owe you my entire weekend, like no. Or even my entire day. And so I ended up meeting up with him at four or something. And originally the plan was like to go like walk around and do other stuff. Maybe like barhop, I don't know, go get dinner somewhere. And like we get to this like shopping area where there's like a lot of stuff to do and we just like immediately go to this one bar and this one restaurant that like, I thought we were going to much later and we're just like sitting there at the bar and I'm like, okay, whatever. And he's oh, like one of my buddies is meeting up with us. I'm like, okay, cool. Whatever. That's fine. And the bartender's asking us if we want like menus, if we wanna like order food. And he like speaks for us, and he's oh, I don't think we're gonna get any food. Maybe later we'll get like snacks or something. And it's what? Like why are we not eating? Like I thought the whole point was to like get food before the show. Like, why are you not trying to feed me? It was so strange. And we're just ordering drinks and I'm just like, I physically cannot sit here and drink all afternoon before a show and not eat anything. one, it felt rude. Like never have ever been on a date with a guy where he was like, not trying to feed me. That's so strange. And two, it felt predatory. It felt like he was trying to get me drunk. Like, why do we need to sit and just drink all day? Like especially in the same spot. Like it's not even fun. Like we're not even like bar hopping, we're not being social. And it felt like when his friend met up with us, he was just like trying to show me off to his friend. Like it was so strange and not fun. And like finally I like ordered something.'cause I was like, I have to eat something. What is this? This is so weird. We're about to leave to meet up with like my friends and haven't ate anything and I'm on like my third drink, like predatory. And at this point I like don't even wanna go to the show. Like how did I get myself into this? And we meet up with a couple of my friends and my friend can like already tell, I'm like, not about it. And she's he seems so nice. Like you should give him a chance. He seems like a really nice guy. And he did. He seemed like a really nice guy. He had the nice guy facade down, but there was so many like disrespectful and like predatory things that were going on that, like you couldn't really see right away. It was like you to pick up on them and things I thought about later and I was like, damn, that was really weird. And like really predatory and like really not cool and like really strange. And so we're like all on our way to the show. Unfortunately, like our tickets were like not next to each other, so we couldn't really stay together. So we were like on our way to the show, I couldn't bring my bag in'cause it was too big. And he was like oh it's okay. It's cool. Just leave your bag in my car you don't need anything. And I was like okay cool. That's fine. At this point he had been like annoying me, but it was like, just like annoying. It wasn't like I was so uncomfortable, like I wanted to get away from this man. But like the biggest lesson here is never put yourself in a situation where you can't leave freely. My purse was in this guy's car. My camera was in his car. Like everything, like all I had on me was my phone. And like I was pretty much stuck with him like for the rest of the evening. Yeah. I'll never make that mistake again. So we get to the show, we get a drink, me and my friends and him, and then we have to go to our seats'cause we're not sitting together unfortunately. And so the concert starts, it was super fun and I'm vibing, and then this guy is like standing behind me and pushing his weight into me, like dancing into me. And like at first I'm like, okay, don't love this. Don't love that. You're like pressing up on me, like dancing on me. I honestly thought about it in my head. I was like, if I was here with one of my guy friends and he was dancing on me or dancing with me, like I wouldn't be so bothered. I was like, why am I so bothered? And I think it was just like the intent because if it was one of my guy friends, it would feel harmless. And this didn't feel harmless. Like it felt very forceful and like predatory and again, like what he did at the restaurant, like he was trying to touch me Like inappropriately, like it wasn't like reciprocated, wasn't like welcomed energy. And where we were in the show, we were like right in the front and it was like standing only, and I guess that was like the best tickets for the venue. But it's like still, I'm like standing the entire time in these heed boots that I'm wearing and he's like pressing into me so much. I'm like holding him up. I'm like literally pushing into the ground, like pressing back, like holding him up. And I was, at first I was kinda like, is he like drunk? Is he like leaning into me? Is he just like drunk? And I'm like, why am I holding up this grown man? You're literally like hurting me. And at first I tried to be like playful about it and give him an out. Like I would look back and pretend oh my gosh, is someone pushing you? Is someone pushing you into me? Is that why you're pressing yourself into me so much? Be playful and give them an out. If there's anything I've learned when it comes to dealing with men without, like triggering them or, I wanna disarm them. It's like I don't wanna have an issue, but I do wanna call'em on something. I'll be playful about it. And I have to do this twice. I literally look back and I'm just like, oh my God. Is someone like pushing us? Like, why are you getting, why are you so close to me? Like, why are you pushing into me? Like, why are you like all about me? That's so strange. Are they pushing us? And either he like didn't pick up on it or he like didn't care. It's sir, like I don't want you touching me. And then finally I had to just remove him his hands and push him off of me and be like, oh my God, get off. Please don't touch me. This is my dancing space. That's your dancing space. Please stay in your dancing space. And again, like even if it was one of my guy friends and we were dancing together, like I wouldn't be upset. I wouldn't be triggered it wouldn't have bothered me. Like it would've been fun. It was just like this unwelcomed, like predatory energy that I felt. And like at that point I was so mad, I had so many friends at the show that I wish I would've just excuse myself to the bathroom and went and danced with them and hung out with them. And I think it would've been justified in that because I feel like his behavior was so out of pocket and so inappropriate and I don't think it was like unintentional. Like I think he knew exactly what he was doing. I think he was trying to get me drunk and then I think he was trying to like cop a feel or push my boundaries or hoping that like I wouldn't have boundaries'cause I was drunk or something and we're at the show and he could just like press upon me like not cool. And it just sucked that my bag was in this man's car. Like my id, my bag, my camera, like everything. And so I had to stay with him and I literally didn't talk to him the second half of the show, I was so irritated. Like it sucked'cause this is like an artist I really wanted to see. And I wish I would've just bought a ticket and went with my friends because yeah I wasn't even really able to enjoy myself, which was too bad'cause it was like a really good show and it would've been super fun if I was there with the right person. And it just goes to show that it's not where you're at, it's who you're with. you can be at the most fun experience and if you're with the wrong person or someone that makes you feel uncomfortable, you're not gonna enjoy yourself or have a good time. And so finally the show ends and we are leaving and I like, don't say a word to him. I'm so mad at him. I played it off like I was tired'cause I didn't even wanna have the conversation about it. I just wanted to get back to the car so I could get my stuff and go home and I actually ran into one of my like best guy friends after, and I remember he was like oh my god, Madeline and I looked at him. I had sunglasses on so he couldn't see me. And I like grabbed his wrist and I wanted to be like, oh my God, please save me. And again, remembered that my bag was in this man's car and I had to leave with him and I was just like damn, and I was talking to my guy friend about it later and he's yeah, I could tell something was wrong and you wanted to stay with me, but I didn't know you needed help. And he's next time we need to have a code word. And I was like, yeah. I wasn't like in danger. But I think the lesson here is I could have been, like it could've, the situation was uncomfortable, but it could've actually got dangerous. And it's just a lesson to all women, don't ever Put yourself in a situation you can't get out of. You need to be able to leave when you wanna leave. Unless a guy's your boyfriend or you've been dating for a really long time don't put your stuff in his car. Don't depend on him. Don't be reliant on a man like honestly, ever. But yeah, especially if this is like a new person, a new relationship. the first couple of dates, like you don't know them. they're a stranger, like you have to be able to protect yourself if you need to. I would've left so many times. And also like recognizing red flags, like the way he was acting at the restaurant the night before and the way he was acting at the restaurant before the show. Like I should have left. Forget the show. Go get my own ticket. Or just don't even go, like I had plenty of friends there. I'm sure I had friends that an extra ticket, like I am sure I could have figured it out or even just do something else that night. Like I would've had more fun doing something else and not going, and on the way home, I didn't really say a word to him, and he was just like oh do you wanna go out and get a drink? And I just was like, no. First of all, why would you think I wanna continue the night with you? I haven't spoken to you in two hours. Like obviously I'm not happy. I was like no I'm just really tired, like I just wanna go home. And he had the audacity be like oh or you could just go home with me. It's like why would you say that? Like, why would you think that, why would you make a comment like that? Like, why would you think I would go home with you on the second date and two this isn't even going well. We haven't even kissed. I don't want you. I feel like you forcing yourself onto me and touching me. Non-consensual. Made you feel like maybe our relationship had progressed when it hadn't. What? It was so weird and so out of pocket. And so confusing. And yeah, obviously I went home like irritated and like honestly, part of me wanted to go back out after, like by myself and meet up with my friends. But I think I was just like so energetically drained by the whole weekend that's not the way I wanna feel. That's not a good feeling. And then literally the next day. The guy's like hitting me up to go to breakfast and like hitting me up to do all these things and I'm just like, get a clue. Okay. Like at first I wasn't even gonna say anything. I was just like, thank to him for inviting me to the show. And then I had a lot of fun and being like polite. And then when he like wouldn't stop texting me, I was like you know what? Honestly, for myself, I deserve to stand up for myself and speak my truth. And also for him so he can learn like this is not the way to carry yourself. Like it's not appropriate. And also too, I didn't want the narrative, not that I care what anyone thinks, but I didn't want the narrative to be like oh she ghosted me. She just used me to go to this concert or the show like no, babe. That's not what happened. That's not what happened. Like you were inappropriate. You were out of pocket. You were aggressive and forceful and didn't respect my time or my boundaries. You tried to monopolize my entire weekend when I barely know you, and you were like entitled to my time and my body. That's what happened. That's why I don't wanna talk to you. That's why I don't wanna see you again. I feel like guys get these narratives, like women just use them or they like take advantage of them, or they just want like free dinners or free opportunities and it's no, like you invite a girl on something and then you think you're owed something or you like expect something from them. I don't owe you anything other than my attention and my time as long as I think you deserve it. If you're gonna be aggressive and disrespectful. I'm allowed to take back my time and my attention at any time. I don't owe you anything period point blank. And so I think as long as guys understand that and if they don't, you shouldn't be asking women on dates. You shouldn't. And also too, if you're too scared to ask someone on a date, like I said, don't ask them like I had another guy. He texts me and he literally will text me and be like Hey, I have a reservation at 7 30 at this restaurant. Do you wanna come? Yes or no? And I'm like yeah, sure. That sounds fun. That's a man. That's a man. Like he already has the plan. Here's the time. Let's me know, asks me directly. The reservation's already made. A real reservation, not a fake one. And yeah, that's a man. I respect that, and so I respond to that accordingly. I'm like oh, I'm responding positively to the masculine energy that is put forward. Not like someone indirectly asking me on a date in a wraparound way and then didn't even get a real reservation. They didn't even it's just, it's icky. It's giving little boy at 50. Honestly, he wasn't really 50, but it doesn't matter. Like these guys, the age doesn't really make a difference, like whether they're grown or not, whether they're a man or not, and it's just yeah, I feel like this was a lesson for me, obviously. And other women can learn from this experience, but I think the men can learn too. And my audience is mostly women on certain platforms, but then on other platforms it's 70% men. So I know that you men watch my stuff and I know that some of you listen maybe not the entirety, but I know you listen to some stuff and i'm probably like preaching to the choir, but some of y'all could definitely learn a thing or two. And maybe you can think back to a time where you know, a girl ghosted you or you didn't have the outcome that you wanted. And think back to maybe it was your behavior. Like maybe take some accountability, like maybe you didn't handle yourself. Like you should have, you weren't a perfect gentleman, and before any of you are like, oh your background, oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. Maybe he thought this, did this because of your job or what you do, and it's just like what I do as a job or like how I've chosen to support myself is not a reflection of me or my character or the way I carry myself with men. Like I mentioned in previous episodes, like I literally took a break from dating for eight months. I was celibate for eight months and I still am. I'm not out there like throwing myself at manner or needing like attention or validation or anything. I don't accept a lot of dates. This one I was literally tricked into, which is not cool by the way. And I'm a nice girl. I'm polite. I wanna give everyone a chance, but I think this was definitely a lesson in boundaries, which I always seem to have more lessons in boundaries, like another lesson and boundaries, love it for me. But yeah, it's just icky. But it's good. Like every experience, it just makes me better and brings me closer to my person. I heard this recently, a creator, and they were talking about dating. They were talking about whatever it is you're trying to manifest, and it's like, what if you knew you were 50 bad dates away from meeting your dream person? It's like, how fast would you be wanting to get through those bad dates? Like how excited would you be to go on another bad date? And yeah, I was really upset about this weekend. I felt like I wasted my whole weekend and I was like super drained and I felt like really stupid. Honestly. I was embarrassed that I was in this situation, like me, someone who claims to like have all this experience with relationships and it's been like healing and working on themselves. Like I was like bamboozled and in a situation where I was made to feel uncomfortable and I gave my time to someone I didn't really want to, or like it wasn't respected and it's just there's value in every dating experience, even the bad ones. Even the ones that like, we think we should know better and like we think that we shouldn't have even been in like we learned something and it also brought us closer to our person, so it wasn't a waste. And look at all the content I got out of it and like the lesson and like I know that my story is gonna help other girls. And honestly, when he hears this i'm sure it'll help him. He'll maybe understand like what he did wrong. I think he knows what he did wrong. He's old enough to, honestly, if he doesn't shame on him. And yeah. I hope this was helpful. I really appreciate you guys listening and the laughing with me like it is funny, it's comical. I was upset at first because I didn't see the value in it, and now I'm like, okay, like this is helpful. I'm gonna help other girls not put themselves in dangerous or potentially dangerous situations, and maybe I'll help some of the guys like carry themselves a little bit better. Yeah. Anyways, if this helps you let me know. Let's talk about it in the comments. DM me, I read all of your guys' messages and if you're a guy, you can gimme your perspective on this and lemme know what you think. most of you probably think I'm just stupid for falling for this, but I'm one day smarter, so love that for me. Anyways, please share this with your friends, like, subscribe. You really just help me. all I really wanna do is help the girlies and the guys honestly. So thank you guys for listening and I'll talk to you guys next time. Bye.