Never Too Festive: Parenting with More Joy & Less Mom Guilt

26. Time Management for Moms: Easy Sanity-Saving Tips You Can Implement Today with Jill Wright

• Elizabeth Hambleton

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Unlock the secrets to mastering back-to-school chaos with the brilliant Jill Wright, a seasoned time management strategist. Jill's journey from hospitality to becoming a time management coach offers invaluable insights into regaining control of your busy life. Discover her "supermom type" quiz that helps tailor time and energy management strategies to your unique personality. We'll explore the crucial role of mindset and adaptability, especially highlighted by the challenges brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic.

Meet four fascinating mom archetypes that shape decision-making and behavior patterns: the hesitant decision-maker, the multifaceted "squirrel," the selfless giver, and the high performer. Each type requires tailored habits and routines for effective time management. Through engaging discussions, we uncover how these archetypes impact daily life and offer personalized strategies to help you stay organized and focused. Practical advice paired with real-life examples will empower you to identify your own archetype and apply these insights for a smoother back-to-school transition.

Self-care is not just a buzzword but a necessity for overwhelmed moms. We'll talk about communal language, effective communication, and the ripple effect of emotions within families. Learn how setting aside dedicated self-care time and using tools like weekly family meetings can bring harmony and efficiency to your household. By prioritizing self-care and clear communication, you'll set positive examples for your children, ensuring a more balanced and joyful holiday season. Join us for an episode packed with actionable strategies, heartfelt stories, and a touch of humor to make managing motherhood less overwhelming and more rewarding.

Connect with Jill: her website
Grab a ticket to her upcoming Moms Matter Summit.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to another episode of Never Too Festive. I'm your host, elizabeth Hambleton. I don't know about you, but I have talked to so many moms recently who are feeling stressed that back to school season has been kicking us in the tush and we need strategies for getting our life and our home and our work and all of the things in order. If you can relate to that, then this episode will be for you. We're going to talk about actionable time management strategies with a very special guest, and I can't wait to dive in. Hey there, mama, and welcome to Never Too Festive, the podcast where we celebrate the extraordinary in everyday motherhood.

Speaker 1:

I'm Elizabeth Hambleton, your host and fellow mom, on a mission to help you rediscover your sparkle, redefine your style and reclaim your sense of self in the midst of motherhood mayhem. Do you ever feel like you've lost touch with the stylish, confident woman you used to be before kids? Are you tired of living in yoga pants and feeling like you've gone touch with the stylish, confident woman you used to be before kids? Are you tired of living in yoga pants and feeling like you've gone from thriving to just surviving? Well, mama, it's time to reclaim joy, creativity and style, while embracing the fabulous mom you were meant to be.

Speaker 1:

So grab your iced coffee and join me as we embark on a stylish adventure together. And join me as we embark on a stylish adventure together, because here, on Never Too Festive, there's no such thing as too much sparkle, too much flair or too much celebration. Get ready to shine bright and live your most fabulous joyful life, because you deserve it. Hi Jill, I'm so glad that you could join us today. If you could introduce yourself a little bit and tell us how you got into coaching people and helping them with time management.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I love talking about this and your audience is so aligned with what I do. So essentially, I'm a time management strategist and we all know those moms right who they're working so hard and they want to be a really great mom and they also want to have their successful career, and I'm sure that that's like a lot of your listeners today. I call them super moms because they're doing like hashtag, all the things all the time and they're also super conscious. They really care about how they're showing up in all of their roles. And so the problem we face as these super moms is that we get burnt out and we get stuck in the overwhelm of trying to do it all. So that's kind of where I come in. I take my clients, like on this journey through a signature framework and show them how we can use their. I call it the unique supermom type. I have a quiz that like identifies your time management style and then from there we use time and energy management to really create a space that we need to go after our dreams without sacrificing ourself or our relationships or our careers in the process. That, in a nutshell, is what I do and how I came to do. It is kind of, I think, the hero's journey right. I think we all have this same kind of story where we had a really dark night of the soul, if you will, which sparked some inspiration in us.

Speaker 2:

So, for me, I was in hospitality all my life. I did events and weddings and sofa galas and things like that in hotels and in the catering world, and so when I had my second child, I thought evenings and weekends is just not going to work anymore. So I thought here's my business degree, I'm going to quit my job and I'm going to go open up a little women's consignment store to sell or resell women's clothing. I thought this is great, I'll walk down the street. I don't like it. I've got the two kids at home, I'll as well. And this was in December of 2019. So by the time my little store opened, we couldn't open and it was just like tidal waves of change and not being able to control anything externally and at the same time, my son, who was three at the time, I had a one-year-old and a three-year-old, and my three-year-old was diagnosed with autism. So I was in this new world of trying to navigate at while also trying to build this business, ultimately unsuccessfully, but everything for the reason, right.

Speaker 2:

What I learned was that I had to control my mindset through all this, because I just couldn't control anything else and I dove back into sort of my old habits of reading personal development books. And now you know it's 2020, podcasts are a thing. So I got into listening to podcasts and I got duper frustrated in the beginning because all of this advice was like rich old white guys who weren't in my situation at all. But I really wanted to do the morning routine and I really wanted to have the gratitude practice and all of these things. And so I started to figure out how I could fit that into my life as a working mom and I started a podcast called Grow Like a Mother to share these personal development tools, which turned into like business tools. And from there the ball got rolling. I kind of I wrote a book and now I do speaking and I coach moms on managing their time and energy.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, there's so much in that that's relatable. Time and energy yeah, there's so much in that that's relatable. I think every entrepreneur has that development story where they sort of started in one thing and then it evolved and I was doing more personal branding in that same time frame and then when COVID hit people don't need help picking up tie-dyed sweatpants, they've got that. So I've kind of evolved more into the business branding side. But it's funny because now I'm swinging back and I really I do have a heart for, like the woman to woman kind of this type of content. So it is that's very relatable.

Speaker 1:

And it's funny because you said that you were like seeing a lot of advice from men. And that reminds me I was actually on a call, a business call, last week with a client and another contractor who was doesn't work for that client but was helping with a project, and it was a man and he seems very nice. He had his video off the whole time, so I don't know his age. I think it's in like the like late thirties or early forties or something, because he talked about kids. He asked me what time I could do a meeting and I said, oh, I can't do three because I have to go to carpool and he goes oh, yeah, yeah, I don't have to worry about that because my wife does it. And I'm thinking in my head yeah, well, I'm. My husband says that too, probably, but, um, I'm the wife. So it is true, like you need your people who understand you, because it's just like, yeah, I'm.

Speaker 2:

I don't think he meant it in a bad way, but it was just such a like man thing to say oh, yeah, my wife gets that and you're like, oh, cool, cool well, it shows up for us all the time and and it's like it hits us in the face in these types of instances where you're like well thanks, like way to remind me that I have to better manage my time just because I'm in this role, and I hope that eventually we will get to a place where that isn't the case, but for many of us right now that's the case. We're the ones doing the pickup and drop off, we're the ones going to swimming lessons and girl guides and like making out dinner and making the lunch and the default parent, like I had my son's school call and then he needed to have a meeting with this other person for like this whole thing to set up some paperwork.

Speaker 1:

He's at he's at a new school, and they're like, oh yeah, it'd be nice if your husband can come, but no worries, as long as you're there, it's fine.

Speaker 1:

And you're like, oh yeah, it'd be nice if your husband can come, but no worries, as long as you're there, it's fine. And you're like, oh good, like another thing to add to my schedule, and then you can see how moms get so frazzled. One thing I really like about your system is that you do talk about different types of time management and different styles, because I think so many of us can feel pigeonholed into something that just doesn't feel authentic or sustainable, and then that's where we kind of create these limiting beliefs or doubts around. Oh well, I tried time management and it, like quote unquote, didn't work for me because we were trying something that just doesn't maybe fit our personality or our style or like our sort of cognitive patterns or whatever it is for different people. So I'd love for you to talk a little bit more about maybe a couple of your styles. And how do people know what they are and why or how knowing that could actually help them have more success.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, I love talking about this. It's so cool because when I realized that this was the case, it completely my world open and it allowed me to help people at a much deeper level, because I tried every time management like system and tool that you can think of, Like there are. I have an archive of just like all of the tools and some of them I could see value in. They didn't work for me, and as life went on and as my season changed, I realized, oh well, maybe I could try that thing again now, because I have way more sleep, I'm not waking up every you know 40 minutes with a baby anymore. Maybe it will work. And lo and behold, some of them did work later and some of them worked for my friends but not for me, and so I thought, well, okay, how can we distill this? Because I had so many people coming to me thinking they were the problem, like you had said, like I tried it and it didn't work. So it must be me?

Speaker 1:

Yes, definitely, I feel like we kind of make the story as like it's my fault, not the system, kind of like diets right, like oh, such and such didn't work for me, but it's like maybe you just need something different.

Speaker 2:

Right, and we do. We all have a unique personality, unique preferences, a unique set of obligations and support or lack thereof, right, depending on if we work full-time, part-time, at home, at office, like each season for us can look different. And so I did a lot of background work and sort of distilled these four types and I put together a little quiz like seven questions. It took me four months to do, though, like it's a really I call it like a magic mirror quiz, and the idea is you take these seven questions and it's fun, and it's cute and it's whatever, it's lighthearted. But when you read the results you're like, oh damn, she gets me. Like, okay, yes, let's. And then I um, I give my top three tips after the quiz, so for each archetype, so you can actually start to see how personalizing it can can be an amazing start to getting some momentum. The four types I'll just sort of rhyme them off and then, depending on how deep you want to go, I can give you some advice for each one or we can move along. But they are the team player. That's the first one. She's someone who is a little bit hesitant with her decision making, like she wants to have all the facts before she makes a decision. So she can kind of get paralyzed with what to work on first or like what to do. So she kind of does nothing most times. Or take direction is really great at taking direction from someone. If somebody is like, ok, at this time you're doing this thing, bam, she's got it. But if no one's, if the schedule in her life isn't such that it's laid out for her, she can really struggle right. The next time is what I call the multifaceted mom and she lovingly, in my private world, I call her the squirrel, like. She's just really into a lot of things. She gets easily distracted because she's got like FOMO about not getting to do everything. So her, her brain's always a million places at once and her challenge is that she can't slow down long enough to actually accomplish anything because she starts and it goes on to the next thing, right.

Speaker 2:

The third type is called the selfless giver and this is what I. It's funny because not a lot of the clients I work with are this type, but I truly feel like I spent a lot of time in this archetype. It's the lack of boundaries, it's the people pleasing right. It's allowing others to dictate where your energy gets spent throughout the day rather than truly centering and listening inwards and taking control of how the day is going to go right. You just sort of get swept away and you want to say yes to everything, whether or not you actually want to do it, and then somehow you fall behind and so self-care is really a big challenge. And then the last type is the high performer. It's where I'm at now.

Speaker 2:

We can change as we go and I've personally been all of these archetypes and probably the listeners are sort of bells going off like, oh yeah, I relate to that for each one. But the high performer is the ambitious, very career-driven sort of workaholic. So if we're in a passionate career or an entrepreneur or entrepreneurial journey, we can often get so focused on the work because we love it that we feel guilty that we missed the. You know the ballet recital we're not really present where our feet are. We're not where our feet are because our brain is always somewhere else. So, mom, guilt is a big problem here. We can get sucked into the work really easy. It's like that You're watching a TV show with your kid but you're like on your cell phone just checking your email in between, hoping they don't notice, type of situation.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that's so interesting and I'm sure everyone listening is trying to think right now of like which one they are. There were parts of each of them that I could relate to and then I'm so curious. You did mention kind of that you can switch over time, which makes total sense to me. But I'm also curious do people switch sort of based on the sphere of their life, Like maybe they're more of a people pleaser with their friends or socially or with their family, but they can be really work driven, like when they're at the office or something?

Speaker 2:

Absolutely. That's an amazing point. Often, what I'll do is, once people take the quiz, I'll encourage them to take it through a different lens and just see and explore, because, you're absolutely right, you might be like a selfless giver at home and a high performer at work, and so what we need to do and this is where it gets really nuanced is how do we create these habits and routines and tools that you can use at work and transition and have another set of supportive mindsets and tools to use in your family life? And so, yes, absolutely you can be, and I think, depending on the season of life and sort of what questions you resonate most with, sometimes people get a pretty almost even top two, if you will.

Speaker 2:

But the nice thing about seven questions is it kind of forces you to go to one, um, and then, if the you know, if people decide to come into my world and work with one to one, we can really get nitty gritty on like okay. So this is what the quiz said. And how do we feel about this situation? How do we feel about work? What are your challenge? Look, and just really get a toolbox built for them.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, this is also making me wonder what my spouse is, because sometimes I do feel like, and we talk about like, okay, this is what we're going to do and this is like the plan or something, and then you're still like we're pretty good, but there's still gaps sometimes where you're like whoa, like how did we not like what happened here? I didn't know about this, or why was this not on the calendar? Or just sort of. Someone will feel really underwater and the other person won't maybe be cognizant of that, and so it is interesting Like I would be so curious how certain ones relate to each other too, of like maybe people pleasing and then high performer can exacerbate each other or something.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I love that you brought that up and you're so, you're so right.

Speaker 2:

And one of the things I love about doing this is I've switched it when I work in corporate where there are non-moms or it's not mom focused. So it's the same quiz, it's the same tool, but I call them different things and the quiz is like just language and an image slightly different, and the businesses that go through this process and that I do a workshop for find so much value in having this communal language to understand each other within an office, right, and the same can be said within a home environment, a community, any kind of group, friend group, even right, where you're like oh okay, I see that you are XYZ type, I am this type. That's why we sometimes let heads when we're trying to get things organized, but that's why I'm always so frustrated that you like one of the hilarious ones about team players they want to often, not always, but they want to see what everyone else is ordering at the restaurant before they make a decision, and that could be so annoying to someone who is like just decide and go right.

Speaker 1:

So it's a funny example because I feel like I am not team player very often, but I can be at restaurants just because I feel like my kids eat part of it or like you know, we're trying to make sure everyone. My daughter has food allergies, so like are we going gonna have enough options that she's gonna find something that's not allergic to?

Speaker 1:

so it is funny that's an example of like, where I feel like I'm a very specific type in a very specific setting or environment. Yeah, just because I've been trained to be that way by the fact that we are like watching for food allergies and trying to make sure everyone has something and, like my kids, like different foods a lot of times and you're trying to cover the bases. So that's funny that when you start to look at your patterns, you can see how you are different ones in different places.

Speaker 2:

And most people don't take the mental time to dive in to think about how they might, how this all might impact their time management. Because on the surface it's time management is just the tool, right Like it's not really about how to manage your time. It's really about how to create a life that doesn't feel hard and overwhelming, that you can more easily move through your day in your environments. Time management is just a tool, just like self-care is just a tool to sort of achieve the same thing. But it's really interesting because there was a point in time where I thought about reframing sort of the work that I did in a way that felt more fun, because time management is such a boring thing, Like nobody cares, Nobody wants to talk about this. But when you explore it in the way that we are today, you realize, oh wow, it's literally every aspect of my life can be touched by this. Yeah, no absolutely.

Speaker 1:

I mean, I think it it's like exercise or something like you maybe don't want to do it, but you know you'll feel better on the other side if you kind of get through the process. Uh, it's kind of how I don't know, I think of time management. Maybe that's just me, but so I'm sure you have specific tips for each personality type, but do you have any kind of uber arching tips that any mom who's feeling overwhelmed this is such a busy time of year. I'm already seeing the instagram posts that are like less than 100 days till christmas. All of that stuff which, I mean, makes everyone actively sweat, right? Yeah, they're like I don't have halloween costumes yet. Don't tell me, I need my stocking stuffers.

Speaker 1:

So you know, there's a lot of that messaging, especially towards women, especially towards moms. Are you being fun? Are you? Do you have all the balls in the air? Are they perfectly rotating? Nothing's being dropped? What would you tell the mom who just feels overwhelmed, like I just I just can't do it anymore. I don't know where to start, like my life at home and my job, and like when I add up all the pieces, I think it can feel like one of those puzzles where you can only move one square at a time and you're like but I need to move three squares, like this.

Speaker 2:

I love that analogy.

Speaker 1:

Like it just doesn't work Right. So like what would you tell that person? That something that they could do immediately or like more quickly for any personality?

Speaker 2:

type yeah, the biggest one is changing the way you do your self-care, and I have a system of how to like work time for self-care in, because that's like the first step, right, like how do we find time for the self-care? But there's two ways that we can address this. So the first way is finding one hour a week and it doesn't have to be the same hour every week and if you honestly don't have it, or take 20 minutes, like get into the rhythm of each week looking at your calendar and identifying a time that will be for your self-care, but don't show up this time, like don't plan anything for it. The idea is you're going to show up and ask yourself in this moment, what do I need? I always have a list going of, like my self-care list, things that really, truly for me, make me feel great, and it can be anything and I continue to add to it as I go through life and find things that spark joy, right, but I show up to my self-care hour.

Speaker 2:

I try to do an hour a week and I just ask like, ok, jill, do you what do you need? Do you need to sleep or do you need to move your body? Right, do we need some silence because because everyone's been talking to you all day, or do you crave some social interaction? Should you pick up the phone and call a friend right now? Right, do we want to take time to do some learning and maybe work on your growth, because that's a big value for me and I don't often find time to do it or is it time to go outside and get in nature and put your feet on the ground, right and so these things where we can ask ourselves and listen to our intuition what do we need right now? That's going to give you the big bang for your buck, rather than going for a massage on a day that you might have your period and not want to be touched, or like maybe your kid threw up right before you left and you cancel it and there goes your self-care, right.

Speaker 2:

So having this space in your calendar which we can move it around depending on how our week goes, because life happens, but knowing that there's a dedicated time where you can show up and get what you need in that moment is going to be so beneficial, because you can fill your cup right up with things that are specific for you. Now I hear a lot of the moms like, oh, that sounds really great, but like I don't have an hour, I don't have 20 minutes, I can't do that. Aha, here's another way to do that. So you keep that same list of self-care things for you that feel really good, and next to each one of them you kind of write down how long that thing's going to take, right there on the list. You add the times to your list. So if it's five minutes, two minutes an hour, whatever, then you find these pockets throughout the day.

Speaker 2:

I call them well, I didn't coin this term, but the idea is that they're called confetti. So they're five or 10 minute pockets throughout the day, scattered like confetti in your schedule, where, if you didn't do anything with them, they would just slip away, but starting to get intentional about using those for self-care moments, and so you're actually filling your cup up slowly throughout the day so you never get depleted. And so you have your list and you have five or 10 minute things, and maybe it's breath work, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's. If you can't call a friend, send a voice, just give her the Kohl's notes on what happened in the last two days, right? And so when we do this and we have this list available.

Speaker 2:

It saves time, that we don't have to think about what we want to do with our free time, because then all of a sudden, our five minutes is gone. But for me, that's the best way to start to feel more calm so that you can take care of all those moving pieces in the puzzle. Because if you're calm, you can start to make better decisions on where you spend your time and if where you're spending your time is actually on the things that you say you value, because so often we look at our calendar and we're like, oh, I'm spending a lot of time on this one thing, but that's not actually something I value. I do value this and I'm not spending any time here. So it gives us this clarity. There's just so much good stuff.

Speaker 1:

As a starting point, yeah, there's a lot about that that I like. I think the flexibility is so key because when we make it too prescribed or rigid, I think that it becomes just another burden a lot of times or another thing we're just trying to check off. I also love the idea of having a list, because I don't know for other people, this may just be me, but I actually wouldn't say I don't have any time. If I look at my life, I would. In reality I do Like I have looked at Instagram on a lot of days. There are times that I have moments For me.

Speaker 1:

A lot of times the overwhelm is the mental load of like did I remember that a uniform day at school? Did I remember to have so-and-so's birthday gift ready for the weekend? It's like the checklist of things that I probably do have time for, but it's like the worry that I'm forgetting it, and so I like that you have that list so it doesn't add more mental load of what was I going to do or being creative about it on a time when I don't have it. And I've actually I've never heard the confetti term, but I have heard that called net time. It's no extra time, your net time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and it's even like, you know, popping in a podcast while you're brushing your teeth or cooking dinner and then kind of reclaiming the time that you spend on other things or like household things could be driving for a lot of people doing laundry and trying to reframe some of that time that is in your schedule, like you probably are doing laundry every week. But how can you make it a little more joyful or a little bit more pleasing or help it? You know, like you said, do you want to watch something on Netflix and just fold laundry watching Emily in Paris? Do you want to watch something on Netflix and just fold laundry watching Emily in Paris? Do you want to listen to an education podcast? Do you want to just jam out to Taylor Swift? Like, how do you change the mood of what you're already doing to sort of serve you more kind?

Speaker 2:

of? Yeah, and you can build rest in that way depending on your energy type. I like to look into people's human design to see their main energy type. But for some, like, resting isn't restful If they're trying to be quiet and do meditation. For some people, their energy requires that they rest through busy work like folding laundry, like doing dishes. So that's the time that they get that, that mental refresh, right.

Speaker 2:

And one thing that I just want to touch on that you had said about like having the list is so helpful. One of the reasons that that's the case because if we're running around like a chicken with our head cut off, we're in fight or flight mode, like our nervous system is just overloaded. We literally can't access the part in our brain that allows us to make decisions and reach for information. It's shut off because of our just of how the body is made, and so having available somewhere externally can be really helpful. And one quick tip I'll just throw in which I find really helpful when I'm super busy is creating an admin. I'm in a day or my week and I know that that is the time that I will sit down and I will look at the emails from the school. That is a time I will do my meal prep like grocery list. That is the time that I will answer my personal emails and call the dentist.

Speaker 1:

Yes, that stuff is so hard it weighs on me.

Speaker 2:

Yes, but if you just keep a little list in your phone of, like admin tasks or whatever. Put a time in your schedule that you're going to deal with those for half hour. You don't get them all done, but you can make a big chunk of progress that you don't think you can, but just having your list and going through them and then when the timer goes off and you have to go to something else, it's cool. But you may have accomplished everything and if not, a big portion of those things is done.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I'm a huge list maker and I'll have like sort of a life list that has that kind of stuff of like birthday party for so-and-so on Saturday, and then you know, call Dennis and make hair appointment for my daughter or whatever it is, and just even like check and see if their soccer cleats still fit because the season's coming up. It's those little things sometimes that I think weigh more yeah than like the big decision.

Speaker 2:

It's a mental load, like you said. There's um, there's a book I had the author of my podcast, suzanne Gertzmeyer, um got somewhere, but she talks having a practical load, which is like the visible load we know the things in action. The mental load right, who has to remember the details? And then the emotional load, because, especially as moms too, like carry a lot of this emotional load, like we almost feel responsible for other people's feelings, which is a whole other kettle of fish really.

Speaker 1:

Oh yeah, I would love to dive into that for a minute because for sure I think that can be the most tiring and the most draining and my kids definitely both come to me with heavy emotional load when they have something. For example, my son was made his like he goes to a Montessori school and he's like the group lead for his little co-court I guess. But then and he's 10, one of the other boys who's in his group, his father died in a car wreck last week while the kid was at school, so like drops him off, and then, you know, I guess the mom picks up and is like your dad died today in a car wreck. So like totally out of the blue. And my son came to me and he's like, uh, so my teacher made me group lead because he said I'm, you know, empathetic.

Speaker 1:

But you know, we'll say Johnny, johnny's dad died last week in a surprise car wreck and he spent half the school day kind of staring off into space and crying and now he's getting behind on his work and I'm feeling really stressed about it because now I'm the group lead and it's like we take on so much stuff and I was like, hey, man, like you, this is not something that any of us even licensed counselors like, none of us can fix that kind of grief in a day or a week or a month, even in a year, like he's gonna have to process that. But then this kid I mean obviously he has his own, he's's working through something very traumatic. So then my son's picking up some of that emotion alone and then he comes home and brings it to me and he's like so how do I be a group lead? And I was like this is a big question, it's a lot.

Speaker 2:

It's that ripple effect, it's like the ripple effect of emotions, and then it's something. If we think about this ripple effect of emotions, and then it's something. If we think about this ripple effect right, if we flip it on its head, we can actually use this concept really wisely as moms. Right, because I always like to tell these moms who are hesitant to take the time, energy, money, whatever to focus on themselves, because we always put ourselves last right, unless it impacts somebody else. And if our kid is going to benefit, then we'll say like, yes, sign me up. But if we think of this ripple effect like taking care of ourselves, getting control over our emotions, doing our inner work, managing our time better, getting control of our career, finances, whatever, then that teaches our kids and shows our kids and models to our kids. They're going to pick that up and they're going to go into their community.

Speaker 2:

Right, even a kind word, even the way that we frame like take a breath before you yell at the kid and instead think can I say this more kindly? I do this all the time. I'm like oh, my god, I'm gonna lose my shit. I better like okay, how can I be? How can I show up differently in this moment and and then, by doing that small thing, your kid's going to go in there next time, and in their community and in their school, and so I love that. We see from your story the ripple effect coming to you in a stressful way. But now it's up to you to be able to take how you relay back to your son and he can ripple back Like it's both ways and it's beautiful.

Speaker 1:

No, I totally agree with that and it's just, I think, a universal truth that if we are too tired and burned out and frazzled, then we just don't have it in us to kind of send that positivity back and really be thoughtful about it and use it as a teachable moment and find the right resources and all of that stuff. Because, again, that's like in some ways it's more mental load. Like I follow parenting experts and psychologists and stuff on Instagram and I get good tips and then I'm like okay, how do I apply? Um, but it's more, it is more that's going on in your head and it's good, but it is more it is just another thing that is on your to-do list. So I think it's so universal. If you were helping people kind of tangibly get organized, are there any tools that you recommend? Do you think digital is better? Are you a pen and paper kind of girl? Do you think it just depends on the person? Family calendars Are there any things that you think everyone should be implementing?

Speaker 2:

No, it really depends on the person and their situation. I personally am a pen and paper kind of girl and I've shifted just in the last month from using, like I do, a weekly. I think a weekly planning strategy can be super helpful for everybody.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, we do that.

Speaker 2:

Some people like to stick to a verbatim and they really like having a plan, and some people prefer to have more freedom and fluidity in their days. But just at least for these people. Sometimes they forget what they have to do, so having it on paper, even in a these people sometimes they forget what they have to do, so having it on paper, even in a loose way, can be very helpful.

Speaker 1:

So we do it when we meal plan because it's like, okay, who's going to be where, what's the transportation, and then how does that affect the meal? Like, do we have time to cook? Are we trying to do something from, like you know, a double portion Monday so we can eat up on Tuesday, like we kind of do transportation, meal planning and logistics in the same meeting on Sundays?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I think that having that sort of family meeting or couples meeting can be a really solid strategy. Just to check in, take a look at the week Even if you're the one doing the weekly planning by yourself and your partner's not really on board or doesn't want to purchase aid or isn't available or whatever the case is just being able to take those five minutes and be like hey, here's what's coming up for the week. I put it on the family calendar, if that's what you have, or I shared it to your Google, cal or whatever, so you can see what's going on. But I just want to touch base about this thing and this thing make sure we know who's picking Johnny up on Thursday and make sure you know the groceries get done. And it can be a quick conversation, but even better if the other person is able to sit with you for 15 minutes and just go through.

Speaker 2:

Okay, here's our plan. What's important for us to focus on? Is it the transportation? Is it the food? Is it you know the chores? Whatever's important in your family? Making sure those things get touched on once a week and both people like know the minimum standard of expectation for what the job is, yeah, can alleviate a ton of communication problems and stress later down the road that week.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I make my whole family go to the grocery store with me now so that you are all there, like, if we get home and we don't have whatever you want, I'm like bro, yeah, bro, yeah, sorry. Like you stood in the cereal aisle and didn't say anything. So no, we don't have granola, did not buy that.

Speaker 2:

Responsibility, right, and the involving everyone and giving them the opportunity to have their voice heard and make their decision teaches, even teaches. You know the grownups in our lives, the responsibility, right, as mom's not always going to do it for you, I'm not always going to remember. So here's how we, here's how we learn to do this ourselves in this environment where we're all shopping together, so you're not doing it by yourself, but you are. This is part of the family system, right? And another there are so many cool tools that are available like too many to even be able to recommend a specific one. That works really great, but there are things that have, like shared grocery lists, so you and your partner can have the same grocery list and you can add something in, and it's automatic on their phone too. So whoever's to the store has the list.

Speaker 1:

I've never tried that, but yeah, because like it's like a running joke that as soon as someone goes to target which I know you're in canada and they don't have target in canada, but like a super store um, like as soon as someone gets home from target, literally like within an hour, someone will be like do we have whatever batteries or toilet paper or whatever? And I'm like I literally just asked you guys, what is your target?

Speaker 2:

Always, and that's the way. Like life just keeps going, it doesn't stop just because we're at the store, it doesn't stop just because we we did the groceries this week. Like life keeps happening and there are other people inputting into our worlds, which can be half the battle is trying to manage, like when other people are adding things to our calendar, whether it be sports practices or work parties or, you know, coffee days with your mom or your friends or other people put things in our world that then are our responsibility to integrate and manage, and that can feel overwhelming as well, especially if we aren't practiced in boundaries and really listening to ourselves and like, well, what do I value? Like what is a yes for me and what is a no, and can I hold that no when it comes down to making the decision in my calendar?

Speaker 1:

yeah, and communication. I think for us I don't communication doesn't always go perfectly. Uh, sometimes it doesn't even go well, but sure I know, right, my husband doesn't know, he doesn't listen to my podcast so I can say anything I wanted. Um, he asked me the day how do I find a podcast on my phone? I was like, oh okay, uh, but just funny. It's also funny like it shows everyone's sort of technology, like he's probably not a tool that should be digital person, but, um, it's funny because I think sometimes too, it can help relieve the pressure if we just communicate, though, about where we are, and sometimes I will tell my husband or my kids even OK, look, I had maybe a stressful work meeting, or I had a big project that got dumped on me or whatever it is, and I'm really focused on this, and that kind of force closed some other tabs in my brain.

Speaker 1:

So I need you to make sure that, like you have your soccer stuff ready, because I just don't have the mental space right now. I am focused on this. Or, like your sibling is sick, like I need you to make this other thing happen and just trying to like. I think sometimes too, as my kids are getting older they're 8 and 10, they're not babies Like trying to help, share the load with them and teaching them how to take some responsibility, which is not a perfect thing. But another thing too is just consequences. Like if you got your uniform out instead of the free dress outfit for free dress day, then when you get to school and you're not in free dress, like that's a natural consequence. Yep, totally. I don't have to hold every little piece of information in my own brain.

Speaker 2:

No, because then the kids aren't going to learn Right and then we're going to end up with these kids who can't make decisions and they don't know where to find information and they're not resourceful and like again, a whole other rabbit hole. One thing that I'll share that's really worked well for me is, as I was doing my coaching training, I heard about, you know, all the millions of pieces of information available within our environment at any given time and we're able to sort of recognize I think it was like 120 pieces consciously, but we're only able to hold seven pieces in our brain at a time. Yeah, and so I was sharing this with my kids, because when I learn I share with everything. And I've got four and the older ones I kind of got it because later that day they would try to talk to me when I was cooking dinner and I was like you are the eighth thing right now I cannot deal with you, and so sometimes I'll just pull that out.

Speaker 1:

I'm like guys, this is the eighth thing, like it's gonna have to wait, because I just can't or something else is gonna have to drop and we need to reprioritize. So, um, yeah, that was a really fun. I love that. I'm totally going to steal that because, yeah, I mean, sometimes like you're driving and they're trying to talk to you and then like you're all starting to navigate because maybe it's somewhere you don't go all the time and and I'm just sometimes I'm like people, I'll tell them like y'all are free to keep talking to me, but you just have to know that I am not taking responsibility for retaining any of this information. Maybe I catch it and I say something back, and maybe I don't. You can choose to stop or choose to keep going.

Speaker 2:

Right, stop tootin', yeah, like these are the terms by right. Yeah, like, these are the terms. Another tool that I really love with the kids that works super well for my five and seven year old is I give them warning when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. And because I've done the work to understand what it feels like in my body and like how long it's going to take me to blow my lid, I sort of I'm like starting to feel overwhelmed, you know, like take it down a notch or whatever, and if they don't, I'm like guys, I'm really I'm almost at my limit, you know. And so I give them sort of those warnings, which isn't possible for everyone, because sometimes we get triggered and we fly, you know.

Speaker 2:

But if you're, if you've done the work and you can understand about yourself, then communicating it to our kids and our spouses I do it with my spouse as well, like I'm getting hungry, I'm going to yell at you and I'm not going to mean it, but I'm hungry, right, so that they know when it becomes part of the fabric of the family. And sometimes I'll just be like guys, I'm done, I need two minutes to go breathe in the bedroom by myself, nobody talked to me, and then I come back and I'm okay and nobody's upset anymore because it's been this. We we've practiced enough times, yes, that they're like okay, mom, just like we've, we've over limited her like she's done. Now she'll come back and she'll be fine and we don't need to go ask her, you know yeah, brene Brown talks about a similar thing and she assigns numbers, zero to ten.

Speaker 1:

And then it's like even the, the sort of, the exact scale can vary, like it could be I'm a stressed ten, or like I'm a sad 10 or whatever, so you can communicate different things with it. But you know, just really quantifying it too for kids of like I was out of three when I picked you up, but after this hour of arguing I'm really out of seven, like trending towards nine, guys, like you know, and so it's very clear to them, okay, like consequences happen when she hits this number or whatever. And then and again, it's just all back to that communication and I think the story we tell ourselves too about a lot of women. I think we do tell ourselves a story about how it's all our fault, it's all our responsibility If my kid's not in pre-dress. It reflects on me, and just sometimes letting go of some of that and giving yourself permission is such a huge step.

Speaker 2:

It is. It's hard to do because we're so programmed otherwise and we care so much, right? But honestly, half the things that we think people are thinking about us are not, and even if they are, it's none of our business. Like we can just let that go.

Speaker 1:

And the people who need to be real friends, like understand and they've been there, and moms who tell you they've never been there. You need new mom friends. Yeah, new friends, we've all been there. What's that like?

Speaker 2:

Totally.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, that is so good and I think that's some really actionable tips that people can use in their families to start kind of smoothing things over, refilling their own tank and just showing up as your best self as a mom and as a woman, independent of your family and I love everything we've talked about. I do want to ask you, as we ask all of our guests we're at Petite Plaisir and, if anyone's a new listener, petite Plaisir is French for simple pleasure, and it's just the idea of adding in a little something to your day that is joyful or brings you a sense of like luxury, replenishment, refueling, and I love getting inspiration from our guests for what's filling their tank so that we can all fill our own. So, yes, share with us a petite plaisir.

Speaker 2:

I love that. For me right now it's candles. I love having a candle and it helps me define my time blocks too, because what I'll do is I'll have like a little routine of when I'm done work. I blow the candle out, close the laptop and that signals to my brain like your mom time now. You're not work time now, so having the candle that flame, the smell like just getting me in the zone for what I'm doing and then having the blowing out ritual as a close-up shop off to the next.

Speaker 1:

I knew a writer who would do that. She would light a candle when she would be writing her books and then like glue it out when she was done. I love it too because I feel like it's very I define my seasons in candles. Like I feel like all the fall vibes are coming out the cinnamon, the pumpkin, and then, you know, we'll kind of be going into Christmas not before too long, and those are its own candle, other fall holiday candle and that, like an evergreen candle, just brings a certain just full body sense of I don't know. For me it's like nostalgia and holiday, and so I agree and I do, I feel like burn more candles when it's cooler outside. So, yeah, this is candle season for me. So I love, and for anyone who would love to learn more or take your quiz or just get connected with you, how can they do that?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, thank you. The website's probably the easiest place to go. It's jillwrightca. The quiz is there. I've got free resources there. You can link to my podcast there. Basically everything is on the website, but if you're a social media gal, instagram is where I spend the most time. My handle is growlikeamother and I would love to hear from you and like, slide in my DMs and tell me what you thought was interesting and what landed, and that you heard me on Elizabeth's show and just get connected because I love that's. My favorite thing is being able to to really dive in as people on a one-to-one.

Speaker 1:

I love that, and do you have any special events coming?

Speaker 2:

up. Yes, and I'm so glad that we were talking about this change in cities and the whole topic really leads really well into this, because I'm co-hosting a summit, so one day kind of like a self-retreat day it's, but it's called the Moms Matter Summit Holiday Kickoff. So we're doing it October 23rd and the idea is we have eight guest experts from Canada, the States and the UK all talking about different areas where we can give moms resources and tools to help them prepare for all of the things that come after Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's and then all of the other right like all of the other occasions that are within the next few months that can be so stressful, giving us a space to really get some tools and set ourselves up well for that season. So I'm excited about that.

Speaker 1:

I love that because this is my favorite time of year and I don't want anyone to ruin it with stress or feeling overwhelmed, like there's so much joy to be had if we're intentional. So we'll definitely all be checking that out and I will put links in the show notes so that everyone listening can find you easily. So thanks so much for coming. Thank you so much for having me find you easily. So thanks so much for coming. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you for joining me today on Never Too Festive. I hope you are leaving feeling inspired and refreshed.

Speaker 1:

If you've loved what you've heard, don't keep it to yourself. Share this podcast with a friend who could use a little extra sparkle in her life. And, hey, while you're at it, why not leave a review on your favorite podcast platform? Your feedback helps us continue to grow and inspire more women like you. Have questions or feedback you want to share directly with me? Simply click the link in the show notes to send me a text. I'd love to hear from you until next time. Remember, all we have is today, so let's choose to live our most fabulous, joyful life together.