Never Too Festive: Parenting with More Joy & Less Mom Guilt

27. Finding Strength and Hope Throughout Infertility and Adoption with Brandie Thomas

• Elizabeth Hambleton

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What happens when the journey to motherhood takes an unexpected turn? Join me, Elizabeth Hambleton, as I sit down with Brandie, who bravely shares her story of embracing adoption after battling infertility. We uncover the heart behind her decision to contribute to "Restore My Soul," an anthology filled with stories of hope and redemption. Through her candid revelations, Brandie offers invaluable insights on the emotional landscape of adoption and the unique support required for anyone navigating this tumultuous path.

Brandie's story is a testament to the transformative power of faith and resilience. Together, we explore the spiritual journey that accompanied her adoption process, highlighting a deepened relationship with God amidst the emotional hurdles. We also delve into how a life-changing diagnosis during pregnancy reshaped my own views on motherhood, instilling a profound appreciation for time and cherished relationships. This conversation reveals how these challenges can redefine faith, perspectives, and the very essence of parenting.

Motherhood is a complex tapestry, especially when woven with the threads of adoption. Our dialogue offers encouragement and practical insights for anyone facing similar challenges, celebrating the resilience and strength found in shared stories of motherhood.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to another episode of Never Too Festive. I'm your host, elizabeth Hamilton. Today we're diving into a topic that I know can be a little sensitive, so I just wanted to start off with that. We are talking about infertility and both the pain that that can cause, but also the joy that can be found unexpectedly on this journey, and all of the many questions that we all have about infertility, whether you're struggling with it, you're looking to support a friend with it, you are maybe scared of it because you're not sure if that will be your walk later on. Wherever you are with this topic, we want to offer you encouragement and hope, and we have a really special guest who's going to enlighten us on her journey so that we can be really real and vulnerable. Hey there, mama, and welcome to Never Too Festive, the podcast where we celebrate the extraordinary in everyday motherhood.

Speaker 1:

I'm Elizabeth Hambleton, your host and fellow mom, on a mission to help you rediscover your sparkle, redefine your style and reclaim your sense of self in the midst of motherhood mayhem. Do you ever feel like you've lost touch with the stylish, confident woman you used to be before kids? Are you tired of living in yoga pants and feeling like you've gone from thriving to just surviving. Well, mama, it's time to reclaim joy, creativity and style, while embracing the fabulous mom you were meant to be. So grab your iced coffee and join me as we embark on a stylish adventure together, because here, on Never Too Festive, there's no such thing as too much sparkle, too much flair or too much celebration. Get ready to shine bright and live your most fabulous, joyful life, because you deserve it. Thank you so much for joining us today, brandy. I'm thrilled to have you.

Speaker 2:

Thanks Elizabeth, I'm excited to be on here. Thanks Elizabeth, I'm excited to be on here.

Speaker 1:

So, for everyone who doesn't know, I'm a part of a group called Kingdom Alliance and it's a fellowship group. It used to be for women, but we now have men as well, and that's actually where I met Brandy and I became acquainted with her story. We worked on a really special project that we are super excited to share with you. We were keeping it under wraps all summer and that is actually a book that we just published, and Brandy was one of the authors. I would love to hear a little bit about why you joined the book project, what you thought about it. Did you always envision yourself being an author? Was this something that you kind of came to unexpectedly?

Speaker 2:

So this is not my first book or anthology. So when I actually was introduced to the project of opportunity, I was like I'm just going to sit in on the meeting, see what it's about and just kind of pray on it. But initially I was like I'm just going to say no, like it's not for me this time, and I was always like in the meeting praying. I was like God, do I even have a story? Like is it time for me to start writing again? And I just felt like share your story of Elijah and that is my adopted son. Um, and then, like through a series of like unfortunate events, I was like I'm not even sure if I'm gonna work this out. And I was able to work everything out with Michelle Schaper, who was like the kind of like the creator of, the visionary of this whole project and, um, so yeah, that's kind of how I got into.

Speaker 2:

I was like, oh, I'm not gonna do this, because I was a part of an anthology like years ago. And then my sister and I wrote our own devotional and I was like I have other books in me, which is kind of funny, because I also joined like the. There was a beta writing group after this project, which is for your own book. So it's like, okay, maybe God is like this is the time, this is the season to finally get your story out. So, yeah, I was kind of against that at first, but then, right, when the Holy Spirit gets in you and you're being obedient, I'm just like, all right, I will just keep taking the next step until the door closes. And the door never closed. So here I am. I'm talking about a chapter I wrote for this book project.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that for this book project.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 1:

So, and just to give a little overview, the book was called, or is called, I guess, restore my Soul, and it is an anthology bringing together women who are all sharing stories of redemption and hope, and the stories really ranged.

Speaker 1:

I was actually involved in the project as the editor, so we'll have to ask Brandy in a minute how she thought that went. But the stories varied quite a lot and Brandy's story specifically was about infertility and I thought you did such a good job of bringing so much authenticity to this topic. I think that it can be one that you hear a lot about, think that it can be one that you hear a lot about, but as someone who didn't have that exact struggle, had a lot of other struggles, uh, but that one is not one that was like kind of on my bingo card. Sometimes I don't feel confident knowing how to talk to or support someone going through that, and I would love for you to give us a little kind of overview of your story and maybe talk a little bit about that too, sure yeah, so infertility was definitely not something I thought would be a part of my journey.

Speaker 2:

My mom has four kids, so I was like she was popping them out left and right, like my brothers and sister were like a year and a half apart, and well, funny my mom was the opposite, like she had endometriosis, had to have a bunch of surgeries to get pregnant, like like lost a child, and then I was like the flip.

Speaker 1:

So it's so funny how, like, we all have these ideas and then it's like, oh you know, but yeah, so, yeah, right, and I think that's so true for a lot of people yeah.

Speaker 2:

So I what yeah, I mean miscarriages are something in my family that I had been introduced to through a couple of cousins, but like never infertility wasn't really a struggle and I come from a very large family so I had never had anybody really near me to walk that experience with. And so I also have Crohn's disease and at 23, I actually had my colon removed and I have an ileostomy back and I did that surgery to be like okay, I know I want to be a mom, I want to have kids, I want to have a healthy body, and I'm like willing to sacrifice this colon, like I'm tired of doing all the treatments and stuff. Let's just remove it and I can go on with my life and get healthy. And so definitely the beginning of my journey. It was, I think, harder for me because I'm like I literally went through a life-changing major surgery to help children and now it's like I'm not reaping the benefits of that. That was life-changing decision at a young age and we didn't my husband and I really didn't start trying, so I think I was like maybe 26 or 27.

Speaker 2:

So I went back to grad school and was in like three. I was like a matron of honor, like three weddings, and I was like I don't want to be pregnant, like let's get through the last wedding. I was pregnant for a. Don't want to be pregnant, like let's get through the last wedding. I was pregnant for a major new runner and it was complicated, yeah. But like, well, my friends married, I was in four weddings over two summers and then I was finishing grad school too. So I was like let's get that all the way and start.

Speaker 2:

And so, you know, the first year goes by and I'm just like, oh, I'm not going to stress about it. I like, oh, I'm not going to stress about it, I'm just going to like you always hear people say like don't stress, have a good time, blah, blah, blah. And so I didn't really stress about it the first year. And then my friends like, hey, it's been a year, you might want to like start. Like go see a doctor or something and just see all of the tests that I've ever done for like that first four years of my journey were like you're fine, your blood work's fine, your HSD test is fine, Like there's, we can't find anything wrong with you and I.

Speaker 2:

The beauty of this journey was that it caused me to keep asking questions. So I went from just the basic Western medicine to like I'm a super crunchy place in my life. It's like naturopaths are like the doctors that I work with, and so I learned a lot and, honestly, like the sad part about this story is that our, our like Western medicine does not really support fertility. It does not support the women, just like your body and how to actually know your body and understanding. It wasn't until I got matched up with um, a naturopathic doctor who specializes in the Creighton method of tracking, and um Napro technology, that I really started to understand my cycle, how my cycle works. Like cervical can we talk, say, cervical mucus.

Speaker 2:

On his length, however, it's probably all had it, it's fine so, like nobody really explains the importance of knowing your body, knowing your cycle, knowing, like, what's happening or what's not happening. And so I was like over 30 and I met this doctor who really helped me understand how the cycle works and what to be looking for and when to do your progesterone and estrogen blood work, when to check for cervical mucus and what it's supposed to look like throughout your cycle. So there was a lot of education that I had to activate, um, activate the right. I had to like be my own activist, almost like I had to go out and and just buy the answers and keep digging, because I was like this is not right, like what these other doctors are telling me, like there's something happening, like I know my body, there's something off, and so what I had have come to figure out over this like seven plus year journey for me personally is like there is definitely some endometriosis, but to actually verify that you have to have a surgery, and I just have not been in a place physically to like want to put my body into that exploratory surgery.

Speaker 2:

Um, and I've also found out that I do have low cervical mucus and so, just honestly, having those answers helps me have a little bit more peace in the journey, um, and and obviously we adopted Elijah when he was a baby at birth, and so I've been able to enter into motherhood through this journey as well. Um, but also there's, like in the in my chapter I talk about is just the duality of like, the grief and the joy that has come through my journey. And I think to go back to your question about like, how you support somebody for me, the people who were always the most supportive were the ones who didn't try to fix me and didn't try to give me oh, have you heard about the supplement? Or have you heard about this? Or have you and like this worked for my friend? Or it was the people who just, like, sat with me in the pain or like, just tell me about it, like, what's like? How are you doing? Like I see you.

Speaker 1:

Yeah.

Speaker 2:

Those were the people that helped me the most.

Speaker 1:

That makes sense Because, like my daughter had horrible feeding issues and like we were going to put in a feeding tube and she was going to be hospitalized and that's like she was in this crazy system and like a lot of these same points, right, I had to be a really strong advocate. I had to like figure out the system and I had to like make sure we got qualified and how do we get our insurance to cover this? And at one point I took her into a specialist and was like she is dying. I was syringe force feeding her and she would spit it back out and I was like I cannot keep her alive if she spits out everything that I am literally like shooting into her mouth with a syringe. And he was like, oh yeah, no, she's, she is dying. Like she won't make it to Christmas at this rate.

Speaker 1:

So it it is, and it's like, like, how do you like that feeling of support is so, I think, universal, because, regardless of all of our experiences, they're always going to be a little different.

Speaker 1:

And I think one of the really beautiful things about your chapter was how you explored the duality of adoption coming with infertility. Because, again, even if listeners, if that's not your exact thing, I think there's so much duality in motherhood at all ages, like you know, there's like the frustration of the tantrums but the fact that you love them, there's like the sadness of them growing but then like also the beauty of the fact that they're becoming their own people. Right, like that duality is actually such a hallmark of motherhood, but you don't always hear people talking about it because there's so much of an emphasis of like, which obviously this show is about joy, but like there's no joy if you don't also acknowledge the like, poignancy or sadness and like. I would love to hear you talk a little bit more about that for people who don't know your story, that kind of. How did you decide to move forward with adoption? How did that? How were the emotions of that whole process?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, so I go into this in depth in the chapter, but it definitely was a divinely orchestrated journey and it was like literally God speaking in the most audible way that I've ever heard him speak, saying you're going to adopt. And you know, when I first heard that voice, I told my husband and he's like, yes, but let's try to have our own family first. So that was like a four-year period between me hearing that word and then us trying for four years and really getting into a dark place mentally, spiritually, with God and my relationship with him and even my relationship with myself, with feeling like I'm a failure and I can't do this one thing that I was created to do, and that was like. I think that what I'm finally realizing now is like that was. What I was actually grieving was the frustration and the loss of not being able to do what I was literally created to do, like and I know women can do so much more than that but just like, at the very basic nature, I was created to birth a child and I have a deep desire to do that biologically and my body wasn't working and it was like grieving that loss was, I think, the hardest part for me. And so four years passed and I heard that same voice being like you're going to adopt and I was like, okay, god, if this is. You told Jeremy to tell me, because I'm not bringing it up and two months later Jeremy did tell me he's like I think we should start looking into adoption and we started the process. In less than a year we had Elisha and so and I go into like how that all worked out in the chapter, so you'll have to read out a link and all the good stuff away but it was just like crazy how God had just once he said go, it was like game on and it just everything fell into place. But now I can look back and be like, yeah, we had Elijah. From you know, we were home study approved in July and then by January we had this baby in our arms.

Speaker 2:

But in the middle every day feels like a year.

Speaker 2:

When you're waiting, every day feels so long.

Speaker 2:

And so there was a really dark part of that journey where I just was like really fighting it out with God.

Speaker 2:

And it was a very beautiful journey because it really brought me to a place where I no longer was trying to be this perfect Christian girl and I was just so raw and real with God and the conversations I would have with him and the vision I could paint for you is him just like standing there with his arms open and I'm just like punching his chest and then I finally get done, just letting everything out and it just like melt into his arms. And it was in that, that like space, in that season of going through that in a relationship with God, where I realized he's so much bigger than my pain and I don't have to hide anything from him, and like our relationship grew in depth to the fact where it's like I can be wrong with him, I can tell him how I feel. No, he's still gonna love me and he's still gonna be there for me. He's not afraid of my tears or my anger and that was a really cool.

Speaker 2:

That was a I don't know just like a really cool space to be in and just like moments for our, my relationship and my faith walk with God. To just come out of that knowing like, oh, we reached, and I know him on a deeper level. That was just definitely something I will cherish forever of that journey yeah, that's amazing one.

Speaker 1:

I can relate to this in a certain aspect, in that when I was pregnant with my first, we got pregnant quickly, which was a blessing, but then at my first, like 10 weeks on, I went in with my husband. We'd been married like a little bit over a year and we were like, oh, you know, we're going to do this, right, they were like, oh yeah, your baby looks fine, yada, yada, uh, but we need to talk to you about something, so we'll be moving you to this other office to do that. And we were like, oh, that's never, never like the good sign, right, when they're like prepping you for what they're gonna tell you. So we were like, oh, like what does that mean? Um, and I was 25 or something, like I was pretty young, right, so like I didn't know of any specific things that I was like you know, I don't know worried about.

Speaker 1:

So they move us in with the doctor and she kind of sits us down and is like, hey, so crazy. But you have early stage cervical cancer. I can't treat this. You're going to have to see a gynecological oncologist which I can't treat this. You're gonna have to see a gynecological oncologist which I didn't even know. That's like so specific, I didn't know that was a thing. And then she's like that person who, of course, we've never met, is going to decide if your baby will live or not. Because if that person thinks that you can't, like you're not going to make it, then they will request that you terminate.

Speaker 1:

And we were I'm sorry, what, yeah, and so like it was like like having the dream and then like almost losing it at 10 weeks, where you're like I haven't even like told people I'm pregnant, you know.

Speaker 1:

Like it's like, yeah, whoa, so fast. Um, I had like what I called my john Mayer quarter life crisis. So I think some of those experiences definitely fundamentally changed how I viewed motherhood, how I interacted with my kids. Like sometimes I talk to people who've had maybe in some ways, a little bit of a smoother journey and they say things like oh, you know, I just didn't think about time moving on, or I didn't think about this or that in a way that I think, since I almost lost it, I always thought about and I was always like I held it, I don't know like more preciously, but just like in a different way, like anything, right, if you've like almost lost something, but you're like it always means something different. So I'd be curious to know how do you feel like your journey affected your sort of view on motherhood, or like the vibe that you bring to the role now, that like you're in it day to day, like how did that?

Speaker 2:

change you. I think adopting a child has definitely changed my view of motherhood, because I there's a certain level of me that feels like this isn't my child and I have the honor of privilege of raising somebody else's child. So it's almost like a higher amount of expectation or responsibility that I place on myself. And when I think about that from the perspective of you know, he's not my child anyway, because all of our kids are the lords and we're just here to steward them, it almost makes it even more special because it's like, yeah, like I can hold him a little bit more loosely, I think, because I didn't carry him for the nine months. I'm trying to put this in all words because it's kind of hard, but at the end of the day it's like I have the honor and privilege. So I think I take motherhood maybe a little bit more. To say this, like it's just I don't know, I just have such a high. I just feel like those higher expectations are respectfully over, like I just put more weight on it. I just feel like those higher expectations are respectfully over, like I just put more weight on it.

Speaker 2:

But when I step back and think about that, if I'm in the day-to-day grunge, like my vibe is, I like to say I'm kind of loose and goosey, honestly. We live on a homestead and I'm like I joined somewhere. I think he's running around with the chickens. He's okay, he'll be fine, he'll come in if he needs me.

Speaker 2:

Um, so there's again that duality of like I take what I do as a mother, like everything I do, the decisions I make, like I'm in grief counseling so I don't pass away my burden of brokenness onto him. Like I want to do everything that I can do to be like the best mother I can for him, but then, like two seconds later, I'm yelling at him and she's having a meltdown and like the world's fighting for it. It's like yeah, it's like Right, but yeah, like I am trying to do everything I can to be the best mother for him and be the mom that she needs, while also being able to hold loosely, like she's not my child and we also have a really great relationship with his birth mom, so like she's definitely in his life, and so there's that like whole triad of relationships that we navigate as well. So I don't know if that answered your question. I think it's to actually like verbalize the response too, but it's a great question.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I know, and I think it is. I agree, it's one of those things where it's like my higher self aversion is yes, and then my life? You know, 7 am, do you have your lunch? Do you have your? What you have your? Like that, there's that person there's that version exactly.

Speaker 1:

Yes yes, no, I think we all can relate to that honesty there and for sure and obviously that's motherhood, right. It's like the the highs and the lows. Like the days when you have a it's a peaceful sense of who you are and what you're doing, and then the days where you're like, oh my gosh, you know too many tabs in my brain, not enough time, you know, it feels like the edges are fraying. So I think we can all relate to that completely. I guess if you had one piece of encouragement or advice, or both, for someone who is walking this journey of either infertility, maybe adoption, trying to decide between all the options I know, even like in a political season, that can maybe come with judgments or comments from people who feel the need to share like, what would you say to someone who's walking this journey as just encouragement for them?

Speaker 2:

well, first, I would encourage anybody to just say, first the kingdom of God, like there's no way I would have gone through what I went through without just Jesus as my anchor and just trusting him and also seeking him for what is the next right step and taking that next step in obedience and then just letting the doors open as they may For adoption. I always just encourage people to be like before you enter into adoption, it's not about you at all, it's always about this child. I am not a hero. If anything, elijah is my hero, his mother is my hero and he saved me. I didn't save anyone. So, like coming in students like it's what's best for them, not for me. Like adoption is a sacrificial agreement from your side and also from the mother, the birth mother and family side. There's trauma on all sides. That I think just it's not something. I think sometimes people come into different, trying to say this like nicely, but I think people try to force children into the world and for their own desires, but not really thinking about how is this going to impact the child. And so I guess I just encourage, like to just think of all the different pieces and play, especially when it comes to adoption because there's so many different pieces that you have to navigate and lives are impacted.

Speaker 2:

If you're walking through infertility, I would always I encourage you to find a naturopath doctor who can, who understands the correct method of tracking, and not for technology, like I wish I would have found that 10 years ago, because I would have had so many more answers and probably been able to have the endometriosis surgery in my early years, versus finding out about that surgery with a two-year-old at home and be like, well, there's no way I can have this surgery right now and care for myself and the child while my husband works night shift. So that could have shifted my story and and brought children like biological children. So I definitely encourage that and I think for those who are supporting a friend, I would just say again just like, hold space for them and let them come to you and and just like, be a listening ear and if they ask for help or advice, then that's like your open door. But for those who would be like here, do this or do this, I'm like you don't know what I've been through, you don't know the doctors I've been through, you don't know the counseling sessions I've had like, so it almost offends me to like have you just throw up what you think is the right little village.

Speaker 2:

It's like been there, done that happy t-shirt, thanks for your not helpful advice, right? So I would say the biggest thing you can do as a friend is just be with them, just hold space for them yeah, I can definitely relate to that with the being issues.

Speaker 1:

Um, I, my children would have died on the Oregon Trail a hundred percent, because I tried everything, like everything prescription medication, oatmeal cookies, like beer with whatever the certain hop is like. I tried everything to make milk like. I had 11 or 12 lactation visits with my first um and like again with my second. I was actually unconscious when I delivered with my first and they ended up deciding like it was the fact that you were unconscious. Um, then you like, obviously you didn't latch for however many hours because you were unconscious and you were fully sedated and intubated and like oh your second one.

Speaker 1:

It's gonna be great. You totally got this. Like no, I was conscious for her, but still no milk whatsoever could not do it. And I had a ton of people. They're like, oh, but have you tried the tea? Like at one point I was drinking so much lactation tea that both myself and the baby, I think with my son, with that one, we're both like projectile vomiting and my doctor was just like it is time to give it up.

Speaker 1:

Like there is formula, you need to just roll with other options. Because even in the formula aisle sometimes people would be like, well, have you tried but a but a but. Like did you know that formula is not as good for your baby? And I'm like, sister, if you even knew, right, yeah, how many things I have tried, we would not be having this conversation. It was, it was crazy. So I think it's true.

Speaker 1:

Like we can never know the inside, just like anything Right, like we don't really know even for our friends, like the truth of their marriage, or maybe they're like dieting, food struggles for adults. Like a lot of people have a whole mental story around body image and like there's just so much that we can't, we're not really privy to and it's not helpful when people offer too much advice, even with well-intentioned. Uh, I wanted to talk a little bit about the actual process of the book. So this book, brandy wrote a chapter and then there were 14 women who were contributors and I would love to know a little bit about how did you find that process? For anyone who's never written a book or is curious about it or like has that desire to share part of their story, like walk us through a little bit about, like, what were your highs, what were your lows? Would you do it again? That kind of?

Speaker 2:

stuff. Yeah, I would do it again because I definitely think I'm supposed to write a bigger book. Um, honestly, like I had the first sentence in my head for like a while before I could actually sit down and I was actually in a hotel room. So my husband had a work trip and we my son and I we basically met him down there and spent the night with him in his hotel room and like we went to a children's museum and had a good time.

Speaker 2:

But I woke up at like 4 am and I was just like I have to. It was almost like I just needed to vomit, like I couldn't think about it anymore. I just needed to put it in that pen to paper because I typed it. But like I just needed to get these thoughts out of my head and I'm like literally crying, like trying not to like I'm bawling, but like also trying not to be loud With my. We had two green beds, so like my husband was on one bed and Elijah was with me on the bed, but I'm in and I'm just like typing and I think at one point my husband's like are you, okay, and I'm like, can I just say bye, bye.

Speaker 1:

I will read that because editing some of them I cried like there are people were very honest and for anyone who's interested in the book, it's not all necessarily motherhood, really like they're all women. Your story did focus a lot on like sort of your motherhood journey, but not all of them did. Some of them were very personal, to sort of the childhood of the woman and like how that affected her into adulthood. Interestingly, we had some of the other kind of we had some people talking about teen pregnancies and like kind of walking through how that was starting so early in life. We had people talking about careers. We had people talking about their relationship with their parents. So it was a real range of stories that we had. So it was a real range of stories that we had which make an interesting juxtaposition of kind of how the details and the people involved vary, but a lot of the themes were very similar from story to story, which is kind of cool.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, have you had the chance to read it.

Speaker 2:

I have not read. I've read a couple of the other other chapters, but I've not read through all of them.

Speaker 2:

yet I'm kind of waiting to get the book because I really want to read it and like the whole experience of like the paperback book and the physical book versus just the ebook um, but yeah, it was.

Speaker 2:

It was like the first part was a lot of crying and I was like grieving along with writing the story and then like, as my story progressed and I think this is going to happen for everybody, right, because God's restoring our soul, like that's the whole point is like how does where's the redemption, where's the restoration in the story? So it was almost like this process of like volunteers to feel the joy at the end of the journey and how God did restore and redeemed certain areas of my story, and so it was like the mood changed as my writing progressed towards like the end of that specific narrative yeah, and I think you can be vulnerable to share your story, but did you feel like, did you find a sense of freedom in putting it down and kind of birthing it into the world, if you will, and saying like this is my story, this is my authentic feelings?

Speaker 1:

probably not everyone's gonna agree with it, or maybe other people had different emotional reactions to certain things, but just having that stake in the ground and saying this is who I am and this is what I'm offering like did you find a sort of freedom in that?

Speaker 2:

yes, and also like a feeling of nakedness, almost, because I met somebody who, like I'm going to make the best of the situation and like, especially when you're walking through impotility for seven plus years, right like I can't just be crying every day. So I'm not like sharing my feelings and a lot of times I'm protecting, I feel like, those closest to me from my feelings because I don't want a pity party or I don't want them to like walk on eggshells around me or tiptoe around my feelings. And so there is almost like, okay, I'm going to share this part of my story that even my mom and my sister didn't even know about, and almost being like feeling naked to be like, okay, how are they going to treat me after they read this? Like are they going to be like, oh, brandy.

Speaker 1:

Like like I don't want that I don't want that type of attention.

Speaker 2:

And then also my Elijah's birth mom. I have not told her that I wrote. I like went back and forth on telling her I was going to write this, so I just changed her name and some of the other people in my story's names that way, if she was uncomfortable with it, they would have to dig pretty hard to figure out who she is. So I'm going to gift her the book and let her read it. So that was really. Those were like the two where, like I'm just coming, it's my story and I just need to share it and it's a part of the story, so I'm just going to be as vulnerable as I can be. But also like there was almost a feeling of nakedness. What?

Speaker 1:

very close? Yeah, for sure, because that's someone so intimately involved in the story. But, yeah, well, if you have anything in your life where you have processed trauma or challenges and you're getting over it, or you know a woman in your life who could use some encouragement, I encourage you to get them a copy of Restore my Soul. We will put the link in today. It launched on Amazon today and you can get it both in hard copy or in the digital and it is a great way to offer some encouragement for anyone in your life who is going through a tough time, or even just looking back on a season that was difficult and kind of processing that, then that would be a great gift. We thank you so much for being here and we can't wait to share your story with the world. Thank you for joining me today on Never Too Festive. I hope you are leaving feeling inspired and refreshed.

Speaker 1:

If you've loved what you've heard, don't keep it to yourself. Share this podcast with a friend who could use a little extra sparkle in her life. And hey, while you're at it, why not leave a review on your favorite podcast platform? Your feedback helps us continue to grow and inspire more women like you. Have questions or feedback you wanna share directly with me? Simply click the link in the show notes to send me a text. I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, all we have is today, so let's choose to live our most fabulous, joyful life together.