Never Too Festive: Parenting with More Joy & Less Mom Guilt

33. The Truth Behind Authentic Work Life Balance for Moms with Shelley Meche'tte

• Elizabeth Hambleton

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Ever felt like you're juggling a thousand roles and still losing touch with yourself? That's a sentiment many mothers feel, and in our latest episode, we bring in Shelley Mache'tte, a certified life purpose and confidence coach, to share how she reclaimed her sense of self amid the chaos of motherhood. Shelley speaks from the heart, recounting her personal transformation as she navigated through the demanding roles of being a single mom, a stay-at-home parent, and a working mother. Her story is not just about surviving motherhood but thriving alongside personal goals, and it's a powerful reminder that it's possible to pursue your dreams while being a devoted parent.

Society often sets us up with high expectations, urging us to excel in both our careers and personal lives, sometimes leading to a paralyzing feeling of guilt. Elizabeth and Shelley dive into how early perceptions shape our understanding of success and challenge those norms, advocating for a redefined perspective. They make a compelling argument for embracing diverse definitions of success, whether that means climbing the corporate ladder or finding contentment in a simpler, more fulfilling life. By shifting the narrative, they empower women to embrace their multifaceted identities and resist judgment.

Balance is a moving target, especially when you throw motherhood and career into the mix. As we navigate through life's changing seasons, balance often means prioritizing different areas at different times. We discuss the myth of having it all, the guilt tied to societal expectations, and how, sometimes, being present for a child's milestone is the most rewarding achievement. By sharing our stories, we hope to inspire you to make intentional choices that align with your current life stage and recognize that every path is valid and worth celebrating. Join us, and let Shelley's wisdom guide you through the beautiful mess that is motherhood and ambition.

Shelley's website
Grab Shelley's Balanced Mom Blueprint

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to another episode of Never Too Festive. I'm your host, elizabeth Hambleton. If you're a mom who works at all whether that's part-time, freelance, full-time in the past, you hope to work in the future. You know that sometimes who you want to be as a career woman can feel like it's in conflict with who you want to be as a mom. And even if you don't work outside the home, you have goals and dreams and desires that are yours alone and not dependent on your family. And balancing that sense of ambition with motherhood is a topic that is dear to many of us and, even if we don't talk about it a lot, it defines who we are and the decisions we make. That's exactly what we're diving into today. We have a special guest, shelly Maché, and she is a certified life purpose and confidence coach. Hey there, mama, and welcome to Never Too Festive, the podcast where we celebrate the extraordinary in everyday motherhood.

Speaker 1:

I'm Elizabeth Hambleton, your host and fellow mom, on a mission to help you rediscover your sparkle, redefine your style and reclaim your sense of self in the midst of motherhood mayhem. Do you ever feel like you've lost touch with the stylish, confident woman you used to be before kids? Are you tired of living in yoga pants and feeling like you've gone from thriving to just surviving. Well, mama, it's time to reclaim joy, creativity and style, while embracing the fabulous mom you were meant to be. So grab your iced coffee and join me as we embark on a stylish adventure together, because here on Never Too Festive, there's no such thing as too much sparkle, too much flair or too much celebration. Get ready to shine bright and live your most fabulous, joyful life, because you deserve it. We are thrilled to have you on the show.

Speaker 2:

Welcome, thank you. Thank you for having me. I'm excited.

Speaker 1:

This is such an interesting career and topic and I'd love to know a little bit about your background and how you got into it.

Speaker 2:

Oh, absolutely. Well, first let me say that, like many who may be listening, I am a mom and I have been on several sides of motherhood the single mom, I have been the stay-at-home mom, the married mom, the part-time you know, part-time working, part-time, stay-at-home. So I've had all of these facets in my mom journey and I've also been one who I've always known that I've wanted to work for myself. I've always had this entrepreneurial spirit. I've always had a love for entertainment. So I've had 50 million things that I've always loved and enjoyed doing. And when my children were probably pretty young I want to say maybe five to 12 or something in that area I hadn't left my job in entertainment to become a stay-at-home mom. Fully wanted to do this because I wanted that opportunity. I was missing out on things, you know a working mom and I wanted that opportunity to be more available for them. So me and my husband decided, hey, okay, let's do this. What, elizabeth, I'll say?

Speaker 2:

Maybe, a couple of years into that, I felt like I had lost everything. I felt like I had lost everything about me, the person, the woman. And I found myself in my bathroom in a full, complete, 1000% breakdown on the floor, you know, laying down head in hand, boohoo, wondering who was doing all that crying, and turned out it was me. Because I didn't recognize that woman. I had lost my confidence, I had lost my voice. I had lost, you know, the assertiveness and everything that I felt about myself. I had lost that courageousness that I, you know, that I felt that I had everything. And so when I looked at myself, I said, wow, who is this person? And where is that woman? Where is that drive? Where is that passion? Because of that, where is that passion?

Speaker 2:

Because of that, I ended up taking myself on a journey, because in that moment I realized that no one was responsible for my happiness, my joy, my peace. No one was responsible for that except for me. And I had all of these goals, dreams, desires. I didn't even have a self-care plan, because everything was just about the kids. But when I took myself through this journey of finding out who I was and snatched away all of the titles and asking myself a real question Do you like Shreos or do you just eat them because the kids left them?

Speaker 1:

Relatable, so relatable.

Speaker 2:

When I began to do that, I began to find me again my happiness, my joy, my voice, my worth, my value, all of these things. And what I found out is I didn't have to leave those things behind. I didn't have to have an either or life. Either you have ambition, either you have goals, either you have self-fulfillment, or you get to be a present mom, or you get to be an active mom. No, there was a way to be a mom and and I got to be in control of what came after that. And with that, I felt like I know there's other women out there. I know there's other women out there who have felt this same thing, and I became passionate about helping those women discover the same thing that I did that we didn't have to sacrifice us to love our families or vice versa.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, man, there's so much in that that is relatable and a lot I want to break down. Much in that that is relatable and a lot I want to break down. Because I think that if you have kids, probably over maybe five or something, and you've been through a couple of the seasons of parenthood, like the newborn season and then there's a toddler season and then I think a lot of women hit like when the kids go back to school.

Speaker 1:

If you haven't been working full-time, you start thinking should I be working more? There's definite transitions in your family. Yes, when your last one goes to kinder and maybe you have a little more flexibility and there's so much mixed into our sense it's not even just who we think we are. There's these expectations around.

Speaker 2:

Yes.

Speaker 1:

You know, if you're not making money, is it really being like quote-unquote productive?

Speaker 2:

which? Yes.

Speaker 1:

I have struggled with. And you know, do your parents think being a stay-at-home mom, or like not working full-time, is worthwhile, and do your, does your husband, support that? And it's funny, my husband and I were in a sort of I don't know exactly what you call it, but like kind of a life group at a church, like years ago, and our kids I think we only had one, it was just my son at the time and he was tiny, he was, I don't know, maybe around a year, and we were definitely still in like the baby stage, wanting to have more kids. So in the very early stages and the women were talking about and there was maybe four or five other women and I think we can just say these weren't really my people.

Speaker 1:

Like I was put in this group, but I don't know that it was a real meeting of the mind. But one of them was saying, oh, you know, like, well, I'm a mom, of course, I'm not gonna any hobbies or interest. And then all of them agreed my husband and I looked at each other and he's like, oh, that's not you Like that? Look, that is not the group of me. Are you kidding? Like you always had some like harebrained scheme and I was not working full time at the time, but I had like interests or I'd be embroidering a sweater, absolutely yes, yes, sweater, or like eating something, or finding weird food crafts on Pinterest or something, but I think it does speak to the fact that I was the only woman in this room who thought, no, that's weird.

Speaker 1:

There's so much pressure that you're losing yourself to your family, and I'd love to hear your experience working with women. Like where does that pressure really come from? Like why are we all choosing it and absorbing it? And like, how do we detach some of these expectations from like who we really want to be?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. That is a mouthful, you know, because there's so much to it, a lot of it if you think back. Just not even. Let's start here when we're growing up, a lot of times when we're young girls, and it's nothing wrong with it, but a lot of times it starts with take care of the baby, making sure you're a good mommy oh, did you make dinner? And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a homemaker, it is a wonderful thing. But we start from the beginning of just doing one side. There's not a there's.

Speaker 2:

When we're growing up, it's not poured into us that oh, wow, look, mommy has the baby and now mommy is going to go and she's going to take a bath while the baby is sleeping. We don't put a life into the playtime, we put responsibility into the playtime. So subconsciously we're growing up with that idea that when you're a mommy, this is the focus and we don't add to it. And no one is saying that that is a negative, I'm saying it is a solitude thing. And so we only give one side of it. I was taught that way. I taught my children, you know, when they were small I did the same thing. It wasn't until becoming older, you know, because when they were little and two and three, yeah, take care of the baby, and we're going to do this. Oh, that's a mommy. We're pouring things into them early well, you know.

Speaker 1:

What's funny, though, is it's also because my daughter's eight I feel like too, though there's like the opposite of people who are like I'm not giving your kid a doll, that's a stupid thing to play with. Like she needs a stem activity, like a real person, and she loves dolls and she loves barbie and I know I've gotten some flack for you like kid play with barbie. What are you trying to do? Turn her into a stereotype. And it's funny because it's like we've swung in some ways, but do you see the either or though?

Speaker 2:

but do you still even in that? Do you see the either or? So she can't like the barbie. I don't know right.

Speaker 1:

Can the the Barbie be a scientist?

Speaker 2:

Right, you see how we blend, though we're still being pushed on us, even from an early age. Well, why would you? And so we end up getting so much judgment. It doesn't matter which way we're leaning the judgment is there instead of the compassion, instead of the opportunity to say oh, wow, let me see what's going on in your world. Oh, let me, you know, open up my world to you. We're looking and we're placing judgment on it, and so that places pressure on us and as we're growing, even in our jobs, there's so many women who are afraid to tell their employers that they're even pregnant.

Speaker 2:

For the fear that I'm going to lose my job. So we're even in the workforce, we're put in a position of either. Or Do you want to work in corporate? Do you want this? Because you have to completely kill the idea of a family if you want to have a career. And we're serious, exactly Like I can't like raising a family is not serious, but you know, right, I know. But it's almost as if the world is telling us you don't have enough to be both of these things, right, and it's just not true. And so, when we're in this world, we don't even understand the idea of being able to balance our ambition with motherhood. We don't even understand the idea that we can be one woman with different facets to who we are, because you're not allowing us that opportunity to explore all of them together. We have to explore this one, then we have to leave that alone before we explore another one, and we just don't put that type of pressure on men.

Speaker 1:

Well, and I think an important sort of note that really reaffirms what you're saying is like I think there's this pressure of mastery that like I have to do everything to the most tip top best, like I can't just work, I have to be in the c-suite and I can't just be a mom, I have to have an elaborate pinterest worthy spread and I'm the room mom and I also like hand sewed my kids Halloween costume by candlelight, because it's like you know, like it's like do well, you would do them by kick like you know, it's like so extreme, like you have to be so full into everything and it can't just be like I'm gonna do this this much, you know, and then I'm gonna do this much.

Speaker 1:

It's like that. And I think because I hear my own friends talk about a lot of guilt from both sides right, some of the ones who work more are like oh, the people at the school don't know me, or like I don't because I'm not there at pickup, or you know things like that, I'm not there for play dates. But then the ones that don't work as much talk about you know, like, oh, you know, people told me I should be making six figures by the time I turned 40 or whatever different parts of ourselves, without this pressure to be perfect and amazing and the top, top, tippy, top person at it.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, absolutely. That's why it's so important to number one know what success looks like for you. When we look at success, we're always looking at it in a professional realm, where there's success on a personal realm as well as a family realm, and so it's important for us, as moms, to understand what does success look like for me? Because if I'm walking in that success, then your journey doesn't matter, because I'm successful. For some, success is just a little cottage. It's a cottage with a nice backyard where you know your dog can run around and you don't have to get up until 10 o'clock in the morning. That is success for you.

Speaker 2:

For others, they don't feel successful unless they're making the high six figure. For them that is success. So they need to be able to harmonize their life's activities and their life season so that it can fit that without the burnout, without the overwin. Whereas if you're me, for me success for this time in my life just be getting my two-year-old potty trained that is success for me. And we skip over all of that. That is a true success. So if I am and anybody who's ever potty trained a child knows that it's a true success Okay, and so if this particular time of my life, in this life season, I have a five-year-old and a two-year-old and a 10-year-old right now, success for me looks like being able to make it to one out of the four practices that my two-year-old has and to potty train the two-year-old. So if I am on track with those things, I can mentally release other things, because I understand in this particular life season what success looks like for me and I've taken on a mindset of while I have a routine, I also embrace flexibility.

Speaker 1:

I love that, while I have a routine, I embrace flexibility.

Speaker 1:

I think too like during this busy time of year and the holidays, and it can be hard. I think so many of us can relate to the idea that when someone says it or we hear it, we're like yeah, yeah, absolutely like potty training, totally a success. But then it's like I do think it's harder to authentically feel that when people I think there's a lot of questions that people get about like, oh, what do you do? Like you know they meet, what do you do?

Speaker 2:

and yeah, I used to get that and I used to feel, feel ashamed, right and then.

Speaker 2:

I well, I used to feel ashamed. And then I used to feel ashamed because, like well, I don't work. And then again, then that is where the reframing of the mind comes in, because the truth of the matter is, baby, I do work, and I work extremely hard, well-rounded people for you to engage with in the next 10 to 15 years who are going to be just as productive. I am extremely productive to society, and you know how I'm productive to society by what I am pouring into the next generation, and those are the children that I am raising and the family that I am caring for. And so I believe that when I began to understand that number one, I am working and I understood success meant to me.

Speaker 2:

It's very hard if you don't know what you are contributing and what you desire. And what I desired was to be able to have a relationship with my children where I was there more for them than I was corporate. I desire to be able to go to the breakfasts that my four-year-old had so that she can have a parent there. I desire to be at practices and for my child to understand that hey, I can come pick you up from school if you're sick. This is what I desired and, for me, was successful. So when other people begin to ask me well, what is it that you do? I began to be proud and I began to let them know hey, I'm a homemaker and you know, and I'm able to go to games and do this. And all of a sudden people begin going yeah, girl, your job is harder than mine, because I began to feel confident. It's you brought into the conversation about it.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, I'm a hope maker, I'm a stay at home mom. I, you know, I'm the backbone to my husband. We do this thing together. Yes, he's out there doing the financial side and I'm over here doing the emotional side. I'm over here doing the pickup side. I am the Uber driver, you know. I mean that's a job, that is a job. I am the chef, you know I break up arguments. You know I do it all.

Speaker 2:

And so the idea of understanding what success looks like. I am successful because my desire was to be able to do certain things with my children. When a teacher called me to say, hey, something's going on with your kid, I was in the car and I was at the school so that I could handle that situation. For me, that was success. So I felt amazing about what I was doing because I understood what success looked like for me.

Speaker 2:

Today I'm in a different life season. Today success looks different. So fortunately, or unfortunately, whichever way you look at it me and other women who had children, you know, around the same time, they were able to pour more into their career because their life looked different from mine. So for me I'm starting a lot of things in my career. You know, five years ago, 10 years ago, and now I'm able to do even more where that's concerned because I'm in a different life season. I didn't miss out, I readjusted and now I can enjoy this part of my life season without sacrificing other things that I didn't want to in previous life seasons, and for that I am a 100% success.

Speaker 1:

Right and yeah, and I do just want to make a concerted effort to bring balance. And we I'm sure you feel the same way, like, and if you do work full time, like that's a success too, like we exactly Classroom doesn't need 25 room moms. So, like you, you know, and that's the lane you've chosen. I don't want it to lean too far. I, because I have chosen, similarly to you, to focus a little bit more on flexibility in my children's earlier years. But mine also had very challenging medical problems and there's absolutely no way I could have held down any sort of reasonable full-time job when I'm at the hospital twice a week. So you know, partly, like I think life does choose for you and there's nothing wrong with deciding. Career is where you, I think for some people they feel more just mentally balanced, getting out of the house a little bit more. Let me tell you let's be honest.

Speaker 2:

Some folks can't stay at home with their children. They need to be out so that they can be the best for their children.

Speaker 1:

Right and it's more about the self-knowledge than it is the choice.

Speaker 2:

But that's the place that I really want people to understand. My way was my success. The key word here is my your way is your success. The key word here is my your way is your success, and neither one. We don't have to fight about which one is the best, it's the worst, it's the this what it is. It's your journey, and your journey worked for your life, your family.

Speaker 2:

I was in a position, thankfully, where I could come away from my job and my husband was able to care for us financially. Everybody is not in that position, and that is OK. I spent many years working because I wasn't in that position. As a single mom, I wasn't in that position. So I've been on every side of this and what I can guarantee you is I've had to combat guilt in every situation.

Speaker 2:

It didn't stop the fact that your mind goes oh, I'm doing this and I'm doing this for my family and I'm doing this, this, this, but I still feel that day I couldn't go to breakfast at the school because I have to work. So now we're on the flip side and I can attend every breakfast, but, oh man, we wasn't able to do a go out night. Maybe if I were working or bringing in money because I've even changed that mindset because I am working, but maybe if I was bringing in money then we'd be able to do this Then you have to look at there may be an identity crisis that you may end up being the way I was. So there's so much reframing you know that we end up having to do when we're trying to harmonize motherhood and ambition. And whatever that road, whatever that journey, I always want moms to know, I always want my clients to know, that there's no wrong or right answer. The answer is just what works you, your house and your family.

Speaker 1:

One. I think too, you have to really keep a sort of long-term mindset about a lot of it, because my husband and I joke about this, but I talk about it with my husband, but you could, you know, insert your best friend or your mom or you know female coworker or whatever, and, like you, can't compare your worst day to their best day.

Speaker 2:

Oh, I like that.

Speaker 1:

Because you know I stayed home more. I worked part time when my kids were like really, really small. But you know we said, like the reality is, someday he gets the better shake. Like the office isn't that busy. You know a vendor takes him out to a nice steak lunch, right. You know like it's groovy and you know I get vomited on.

Speaker 2:

And you're like Right.

Speaker 1:

But then you know truthfully, like some days I got to stay home and sleep later and get cuddled while we watched you know a rerun of Elmo and he was getting yelled at by you know a vendor and there was terrible traffic on his way to the office and it rained on him when he got out and like whatever.

Speaker 1:

So you can't always do it.

Speaker 1:

I think I think we all fall into more guilt and more shame and more disappointment and more anxiety and more all of it when we take it day by day, because there's gonna be good days, yeah, working, and there's gonna be good days like more staying home, or there's like, yes, and I think even I work virtually now and I was telling something the other day like I would kill for a great holiday party because like I'm just social and I would love if I worked at a company that had like a really nice holiday party.

Speaker 1:

I love it. You know we as virtual, I do love the flexibility and you know, some days you're like these sweatpants are doing it for me. But there's also days where you're like I feel isolated, right, like you can't throw out all that you achieved with like the one elements, because it's all going to be a take and leave, a, you know, a give and take balance of there's times where you know something really good, like working from home is more flexible but it's also more isolating, like it's two sides of the same coin, exactly, and that's the thing.

Speaker 2:

Two truths can exist at the same time. As a stay at home mom, I used to feel so guilty for wanting to get away from my kids, because there were so many times that people were like you know, I wish I could be with my or I, and so it made me like dang, I can't even feel like I want to have some time to myself, which is why, at that time, it made it difficult for me to engage in self-care Part of the reason, you know, why I had that breakdown because I never felt like I was supposed to feel me, because there were so many outside forces. You should be glad, or you're blessed, to be able to, and da-da-da-da. And it's not that any of those things were not true. It was a blessing. But that didn't mean that I didn't have frustrations. That didn't mean that my days weren't hard Sometimes. They didn't mean that I didn't need a break.

Speaker 2:

Who doesn't need a break from? From an infant who's sick, who's crying, you know, and you have to get up 24, you know be there 24 hours a day. My youngest was asthmatic. That was difficult, you know, and she would get really sick during holiday time and you know she was in and out with her asthma issues and so just the things that we deal with as parents who do stay home. I think sometimes it has gotten pushed under the rug because you're at home. So it's like, well, you're here all day, yeah, that's my favorite. Well, well, you're home all day wow, what is funny too.

Speaker 1:

I was on a call with someone and I was refilling my like stanley water bottle because I was like, oh, I can just take my phone to the kitchen. And I was at my desk when they called, which I mean it's whatever, like, it's not, like I work for them, like all the time I don't have to be anywhere. But I was at my, I was actually at my desk when they called and then I was refilling it and they're like are, are you doing the dishes while we talk? And it's.

Speaker 2:

That's funny.

Speaker 1:

I don't think they meant it in a bad way, but it's just sort of. It's funny All the preconceived notions that people bring to anything, including something like you work from home, like you know, like is it OK to do the dishes while you talk to someone?

Speaker 2:

I was getting ready to say you know, can I batch that? Is that okay for me to just get in here and wash up and come to see? Because hey.

Speaker 1:

I mean I've definitely been known to watch a webinar where it's like I'm not, you know, just training and like do some like you know, like full laundry in the background While I'm listening. Right, I mean I don't need my hands to listen to a webinar, but it is funny just like people, what people think you're doing versus the reality of what you're doing, and it's a full day, it's a full day.

Speaker 1:

All of it, and I mean I'm not saying I've never taken an hour off to relax, because I should, but I'm like people get lunch breaks.

Speaker 2:

So, yes, that is funny, but yes, absolutely that is funny, but yes, absolutely. I think you know we're coming into opening ourselves up, not living a life of stress, overwhelm, burnout that's not a badge of honor. And I believe that we're coming more into understanding that our well-being as people is important, and we need to begin to understand that overloading ourselves, then putting more on ourselves and not having the boundaries that we need, it's just a recipe to an emotional disaster, and I believe we're at the point where we're going. No, I'm not going to live my life like this. I'm not going to live my life in frustration. I'm not going to live my life in mental turmoil. I'm going to learn how to enjoy me, my life, my family and my career or business.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, yeah. And it's important too that if anyone out there is listening and they're like this all sounds great, but this doesn't feel real. I think it's important to acknowledge that there are hard seasons. There are seasons where you buckle down, you push through, you do whatever it takes and you know, I've had some of those and I was not in good balance. But I think the key is remembering that those don't have to be forever.

Speaker 1:

If you are in a hard season I know if you're a mom with chronically ill children mine have had sort of phases of intense medical issues, both of them separately and I, like nine years ago, I had invested in my first mastermind and I was like I'm going to live in abundance and you know, like all this stuff, right, I was reading all the books and I'm going to invest in this. I'm going to live in abundance. And you know, like all this stuff, right, I was reading all the books and I'm going to invest in this, I'm going to network, I'm going to believe in my dreams. And I was pregnant with my second, my daughter, and she was born and I was trying to get this brand new business off the ground and it was the first one that was kind of I'd had the Etsy and everything and I'd freelance. But this was going to be like a real business, like quote unquote, and I had the business coach and everything.

Speaker 1:

And she ended up being so sick that first year horribly, horribly sick we were at the hospital all the time. She had to have physical therapy. Then we had to do like hospitalized feeding. I was force feeding her with a syringe every three hours, which basically took my entire day because she would spit it back out and she couldn't go to really standard sort of daycare or child care of any kind because they couldn't feed her. So we had all these procedures and I took her in one day and I was like she is just not, she's not eating enough, like she's not going to survive.

Speaker 1:

And the guy was like yeah, I think we get real serious about this, or she's not going to survive to Christmas. And I was like I know I was the one who brought her in saying that and I lost that business, like dropped it, like it's hot, I didn't even get the email to like renew my domain before. They were all like now they're all automated, but like I lost everything and I was really disappointed about it at the time. I mean, obviously I felt like I made the right choice and, given that circumstance, again I would lose this podcast and whatever else it took to keep my children alive. So it wasn't like there wasn't regret, I guess to sort of that idea of like there can be multiple feelings. I've made the right choice, I kept my child alive and I obviously would do that again and like whatever but that doesn't mean it didn't come with some sorrow right.

Speaker 1:

That doesn't mean that, like, even if you're got peace with your decision at a certain level, it doesn't mean that you can't hold a different longing at the same time and that, like you know, I just think it's important like to have such an honest conversation with like on here and with other people and I know sometimes it's hard with family or can be or friends who are making different choices but you know, I just want everyone to feel really seen that if you are making one choice and, like you, kind of wish you had the other one too, that it's a season, it's not forever, and that's the thing.

Speaker 2:

What we have to understand is life is filled with seasons, and so that's the thing. What we have to understand is life is filled with seasons, and so that's number one. When we try to remain in a previous season that's not set up for our current season, then that's when everything breaks loose. That's when we can fall into depression. I'm not saying that you're not going to be sad and I'm not saying that you still can't fall into it, but this is when it happens the most. When we're trying to force an old season, so you trying to force this business into a current life season of caretaking, all that would have done is take you to the max of mental exhaust. So we have to understand that life has seasons and balance isn't about us being able to do every certain thing. We have to understand there's a myth that balance means there's no chaos, and that's a lie.

Speaker 1:

Or that it doesn't change. Like you find balance and then you just, like white, knuckle it on.

Speaker 2:

No such thing. Life has chaos. Balance isn't about there never being chaos in your life. It's about you understanding that sometimes certain things need more attention than other things and being able to give that attention and weigh that attention and make the flexible decisions needed for that. So what you did in your life is called balance, because what you did was say this is my current life season, right now, and with this current life season, I have to spend more time and attention on this. So in this life season, right now, I can only equate 10% to me, 0% to building a business. You know, 70% has to go to Carrie, for this particular child, and the other small part is family.

Speaker 2:

That's what's called balance, not the absence, chaos, but understanding how to fluctuate with the 100% bandwidth that we are given, not 100.1. It's 100%, and balance is understanding how to create the flexibility and the percentage that you're giving to each thing. And so and that is exactly what you, so we have to knock out that myth that balance means that everything is good, everything is going, is going well. Balance is an opportunity for you to harmonize activities in your life with the percentage that you have, which is 100% bandwidth and that is it, and to be able to work within your current life season instead of working against it.

Speaker 1:

Right. I think so many people do think balance is like okay, it's just, it's maintaining thirds, like it has to be equal. Like you know, my job is a third. My family is a third, you know, equal. Like you know, my job is a third. My family is a third. You know, my whatever something else is a third, you know, or like that it's that it's equal, but that's not always the case, it's not and it's not even that, it's not always the case.

Speaker 2:

It's never the case, because every life season requires something different, and that's why balance is flexible and that's why balance doesn't look for me the way it looks for you. It's never going to look like that. Balance looked completely different when I was a single. When I was a working single mom, Balance looked different. I spent most of my time in corporate throughout the day, so when my weekends came, the way it looked is my daughter gets this much time. You know, housework gets this much time. Grocery shopping, you have to do this and then we do that. So it looked a certain way.

Speaker 2:

Being the mom of one versus being the mom of two was completely different. Balance needed to change. Being a married mom versus being a single mom completely different. So we have to understand that balance changes with a life season. If you're caring my husband just recently lost his mom and so for that season we were caring for his mom Life looks different. When you get a new job versus not having a job, balance looks different. So life is filled with balance, and balance being that flexibility of understanding how to harmonize your activities based on your current life season, and 100% bandwidth.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that. I once heard someone say that like a good visual of balance is juggling and that we all have multiple balls, but that sometimes I'm like, well, you feel like it would just keep them all in the air, then like we're balanced and like they're all in the air and we're not driving them. But then sometimes, like the balance is knowing like okay, I need to take this ball out and put it on the table and just, I used to have five balls but I only have three right now.

Speaker 2:

Yes. Or you know, just like choosing, that this ball will have to wait a year, or you know. I'll pick it up exactly or whatever. And just that flexibility, and sometimes you just need to bounce two of them and call it a day.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, and knowing that they don't have to all be in this like perfectly synchronized motion at all time. You know, sometimes like certain aspects of people's lives and I think this is where social media can be so damaging for people. If you take it too much at face value because you're seeing a very curated side, yeah, you're not really seeing the inside of real life.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you're not seeing how people made it to that point, right? You know we? We see the, the wonderfully dressed family, the cute pictures, the vacation, but we don't know what it took to get to that. We see the end. Most times in social media. We never see the journey, right? That's why it's so fascinating for us to see someone who actually looks like us, who decided you know, I don't have the money for this steak dinner, but I decided that I'm going to treat myself because of that. So then we relate and we go oh, I don't have the money for a burger, but I'm going to go treat myself, versus us always just seeing the end result. Sometimes we want to see the journey to help us, to empower us and to help us believe that we can make it to that end as well.

Speaker 1:

Right yeah, and I think that's too like the value of authentic connections and friendships Absolutely, Because you know, if you don't have people in your life who you can be honest with and who are honest with you and who share some of the messy, you can feel isolating, and the more isolated we feel often, the more we feel it.

Speaker 2:

That's where we start start comparing again and you know it's spiraling. All of that, yes, so we I think we need a combination, a combination of it, and that's the same way and how we've looking at ambition and motherhood. We need a combination of everything. We're never going to get it all. It's always going to be a mistake. We're never going to be perfect. Some things in life you just are not going to learn unless you, you know, hit that wall, and so I think that we need to give ourselves grace. We need to understand that it's not always going to be as pretty as we idolized it. You know, in order to get to that business, sometimes you had to have a downfall in order for you to have the idea for it. Yep, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

You know, learn from everything.

Speaker 2:

Hey, exactly, and sometimes you were blessed to just wake up and be like hey got it. You know, both sides are wonderful, both sides come with a journey and both sides are unique to you, and that's what's valuable.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love that. And that kind of actually leads us into the question that I ask every guest because we are talking a little bit about, you know, self-care and adding in a little bit of your own desires and we ask everyone to share with us a petite plaisir, which is French for a simple pleasure or a little luxury.

Speaker 1:

And it's just something that you're enjoying, that brings you that little moment of happiness that can brighten your day, and we love to take inspiration from what other people are doing so that we can all add in a little more intentional joy into our day doing so that we can all add in a little more intentional joy into our day.

Speaker 2:

Yes, I have actually. In the last couple of years, I have decided that I want to experience life, and so that's what brings me joy. You know, just watching comedies at night that's my daily, you know pour back into myself. But I made a conscious decision a couple of years ago that I just want to be able to experience things in life, and so I want to be able to experience things in life, and so I want to be able to get up and just do little things that I've never done before.

Speaker 2:

I have a birthday. That's during the holidays, and so I wanted to go to Disneyland for my birthday, because I've just never been on my birthday. And my daughter came and said hey, you know, I found this cake making place and I thought it would be fun for us to just all go, you know, and make your cake. And I thought, hey, that's great, that's something I've never done. Sure, I've made cake at home, but to be able to go out with the family and be a part of cake making and then slice my own little cute cake for my birthday, that's an experience, and so I think that that's what brings me my most joy right now. It's just deciding. I want to have an experience today, and it doesn't have to be outlandish. Me and my husband sat in the bed, you know, a few days ago and just watched Christmas movies, and it was a great experience for that day. And so, yeah, I think that's where where my, my small joy comes from being intentional about wanting to experience life, no matter what level it is.

Speaker 1:

I love that. Actually, when I met my husband I, we met online like 14, almost 15 years ago, like when I was brand new with the whole online dating thing, and you had like a whole profile and stuff. Their apps had not been invented yet. So you had a whole profile and I put on I don't have it. Like, at the very attention, I do not own a tv. This is not a joke. If you want to talk about tv, um, you know I'm, I'm just not the girl for you. So, all due respect, just keep moving along.

Speaker 1:

And I would get all these messages that are like, um, you know, i'd'd be like TV's fine, for other people it's fine. I just don't own one, not a huge TV person. And people would always message me Wow, like, what do you do if you don't own a TV? And I would always write back I do all the things that you're watching people do on TV, because people on TV don't watch tv. And they would always be like so I agree, like, get out there, explore. There's in so many places. Like, no matter where you live, there's so many things you've probably never tried, or restaurants you've never tried, or parks you've never visited, or like all of it. It doesn't have to be expensive. Just get out there and do some stuff and I agree that that's good and you know, it's a fun way to end out the year. Be intentional about your goals for the next year and that can be a great way to just brighten your day.

Speaker 2:

Yes, absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you so much for coming. It was a pleasure and I hope that everyone is going to close out the year strong and that this gives you inspiration when you're thinking about who you want to be in 2025. Because, remember, the world is your oyster. You can't do it all at the same time, but there's a season for you out there and it's going to be a great one.

Speaker 2:

It's going to be a great one, absolutely. And freedom from stress, from choosing, from having to live an either or life. It's closer than you think and that is always one decision way to happen to your freedom.

Speaker 1:

And we will put Shelly's links in the comments section the show notes for here, for anyone who would like to get her support or learn more about how she can connect with you for helping make your dreams come true.

Speaker 2:

Thank you for having me, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining me today on Never Too Festive. I hope you are leaving feeling inspired and refreshed. If you've loved what you've heard, don't keep it to yourself. Share this podcast with a friend who could use a little extra sparkle in her life. And hey, while you're at it, why not leave a review on your favorite podcast platform? Your feedback helps us continue to grow and inspire more women like you. Have questions or feedback you want to share directly with me? Simply click the link in the show notes to send me a text. I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, all we have is today, so let's choose to live our most fabulous, joyful life together.