Never Too Festive: Parenting with More Joy & Less Mom Guilt

34. Keeping the Joy in the Season: 5 Essential Tips to Prevent Holiday Burnout

• Elizabeth Hambleton

Share episode

Loved it? Hated it? Not sure? Send me a text!

Have you ever wondered why the holiday season, a time meant for joy and relaxation, often leaves us feeling more drained than rejuvenated? Join me, Elizabeth Hambleton, as I unravel the mystery of holiday burnout and share a compelling personal story of when falling ill during the holidays taught me the importance of acknowledging our limits. Discover how recognizing and accepting where we are emotionally can help us maintain the spirit of the season without succumbing to overwhelm. Through this episode, I promise you'll gain insights into setting boundaries with family, social circles, and professional obligations to protect your emotional well-being.

This episode isn't just about avoiding burnout; it's about crafting precious family memories without the accompanying stress. I offer practical strategies, such as asking family members which moments truly matter to them and prioritizing those activities, which can transform your holiday experience. Learn how sharing responsibilities, whether through family collaboration or external assistance, can lighten your load. Simple solutions like grocery pickup services are highlighted as time-savers, while the importance of clear communication and proper rest is underscored. Together, let's navigate the holidays with grace and joy, ensuring you emerge from the season feeling fulfilled rather than frazzled.

Speaker 1:

Hello and welcome to another episode of Never Too Festive. I'm your host, elizabeth Hambleton. We are now officially about one week after Thanksgiving and the holidays are in full swing. If your household is anything like mine, the obligations and commitments are stacking up and with that, the attitudes are having problems. This episode is going to be all about how you and your family can avoid holiday burnout this season while creating time to create the memories that matter most.

Speaker 1:

Hey there, mama, and welcome to Never Too Festive, the podcast where we celebrate the extraordinary in everyday motherhood. I'm Elizabeth Hambleton, your host and fellow mom, on a mission to help you rediscover your sparkle, redefine your style and reclaim your sense of self in the midst of motherhood mayhem. Do you ever feel like you've lost touch with the stylish, confident woman you used to be before kids? Are you tired of living in yoga pants and feeling like you've gone from thriving to just surviving? Well, mama, it's time to reclaim joy, creativity and style, while embracing the fabulous mom you were meant to be. So grab your iced coffee and join me as we embark on a stylish adventure together, because here on Never Too Festive, there's no such thing as too much sparkle, too much flair or too much celebration. Get ready to shine bright and live your most fabulous, joyful life, because you deserve it. Well, given that the name of this podcast is Never Too Festive, it should come as no big surprise to you that I do very much like the holidays. I like to go big, I like to go home, I like to do all the things, and even when you are someone like me who likes to do a lot of things, there can be a time when it gets to be too much. And if you're someone who doesn't even like to do it as much in the beginning, that point of too much can be reached quite quickly this time of year. That is why today we're going to be talking about five ways that you can avoid holiday burnout this season.

Speaker 1:

I think it's worth noting what is burnout before we start, because I think it's actually a little bit of a misunderstood term. I think burnout is not necessarily a quantity of action. It's more when you reach your emotional limit. So what do I mean by that? It's more when you reach your emotional limit. So what do I mean by that? There's not like just an amount of activities or commitments. That necessarily means it's too much For some people.

Speaker 1:

They might be able to sustain a ton of activities and love every minute, because maybe they're extroverted, they just aren't enjoying the things they want to be doing them, and that's great. They just are enjoying the things they want to be doing them, and that's great. And for other people, that level of activity needs to be a lot lower before they reach that point where their emotions are just out of control. You feel frazzled, the commitments are creating anxiety instead of anticipation. That's when you know that you're in burnout. So I do think that we need to approach this topic knowing that burnout is very personal and even it changes for each person.

Speaker 1:

One week or one year you might have way more capacity than you do another year. I know last year I got terribly ill around the holidays my birthday is December 22nd for anyone who doesn't know, so it's right before Christmas and on around the 20th I came down with a horrible cold or flu, something. I'm not even sure exactly what it was, but I had 102 fever. I was bedridden, I felt terrible. We had to cancel the plans that I had for my birthday and even a couple of days later, at Christmas, it had already been like four or five days that I felt bad. I was still feeling miserable. So obviously, when something like that happens, you're going to hit that burnout phase so much faster and there's nothing you can do about that.

Speaker 1:

Necessarily, like part of staying out of burnout is accepting where you are this year, where you are this week, where you are this hour, and knowing that that's going to fluctuate. There isn't a reason to say, well, last year we were able to do X, y and Z and it was fine, so why can't we do it this year? X, y and Z, and it was fine, so why can't we do it this year? If it feels like too much in this season, know that it's okay to acknowledge that and to own that and to say, well, yeah, we did more last year or we traveled or we, you know, just spent more or just ate more or went to more parties or whatever it is for you that feels like too much this year, it's okay to dial it back and know that maybe you do fewer things this year, maybe you do more next year. It's going to be an evolution and so you can't hold yourself to the standards of what other people want. So, just with that framework of knowing that the idea of burnout is very personal and that you really have to listen to yourself, then we can have some tips for how you avoid getting to the point where you already have reached that emotional exhaustion and anxious feeling, because that takes away from the joy of the holidays. So, without further ado, tip number one this one's hard. We all know it's so much easier to say than to actually do.

Speaker 1:

But you do have to have some boundaries this holiday. And you know, I think in certain relationships or in certain spheres that's easier than in others, and I think year to year sometimes it's easier than others. But boundaries are essential, and not even just boundaries with, maybe, extended family or with people in, you know, social organizations, but even boundaries with people in your office, Like if you don't feel comfortable going to a holiday party with lots of drinking or something like it's okay to say no. And boundaries at, maybe, your church, if you have done a ton of volunteer things and they keep wanting you to do more. Like it's okay at some point to be like I can't step into that. Boundaries at schools. Boundaries within your own nuclear family.

Speaker 1:

It's totally possible that your kids want to do something that's just not going to serve you or going to serve the family and it's okay to have boundaries that serve you as the mom and, like you, as the parents, and to know that you can still have tons of joy in this season without going like over the top mega for every single day, every single week, to where you just feel exhausted by the end. And to set effective boundaries, I think you have to have a tip to setting intentions and priorities. First, it's important to know what your intentions and priorities are for the season before you can even really set effective boundaries honestly, and those help you enforce the boundaries because you know what matters to you. I think that setting intentions and priorities as a family is a really good practice, if possible. Obviously, this is going to depend on the age of your children, but at the beginning of the season I like to ask my family, just over dinner or when we're in the car or something hey guys, is there anything in particular you guys are really hoping to do or experience, like maybe before the end of the year or before Christmas or something? And was there anything last year we did that was especially memorable or special or meaningful for you, that you would really like us to try to work in, and there's four of us in our family. So if each person chooses one thing that they're really hoping for and perhaps a second thing that they remember from last year that was really special, that could be the same thing for some people, but maybe two things. Well, eight, four to eight things for the season feels pretty manageable. I will also say that I'm a December birthday and my son is a December birthday, so we have to work in some birthday stuff as well, which makes our season extra busy.

Speaker 1:

But I think it's just important to ask people for their participation and then we can talk about oh, this is what this person really wanted. When can we do it? Is there a way that we can like combine it with something that someone else wants? Or, like, you're not always, I think, as the parent, aware of what were the special moments for your kids. Like, I think we all try to create so many special moments that I don't maybe this is just me, but I don't even know. I feel like this way after the summer too, like what were the moments that were the most special for you? I like to just ask. So then I know oh, interesting, this is what you really remember, this is what you loved. Then we can have so much more clarity as a family and we know if something comes up that is conflicting with something that someone in the family said was their key moment, well then we can have a boundary around that and say I'm sorry, we're already committed and we know what we really care about and that just super increases the chance that we will accomplish those things and that we can do them with intention and without feeling overextended. So that brings us to point number three.

Speaker 1:

If you are feeling overextended, it's important to share responsibilities. I know again, easier said than done, you may not have anyone who is exactly volunteering to share responsibilities. Sometimes this means asking for help, and a lot of moms are not amazing at doing that. But you would probably be surprised at how many people are willing to help you if you reach out. And if you can't find someone who can help you within your friends or family, sometimes you can share responsibilities by hiring someone. If you have someone, you know if you pay to pick your groceries up at the curbside or you know the grocery pickup at our store anyway, you can pick, you know, drive up and have the groceries packed. Well, essentially, you've shared responsibilities with the person you hired and that's fine.

Speaker 1:

If this season requires some sharing of responsibilities and sometimes that requires throwing a tiny bit of money at it, if you're able to do that, I think that that is a worthwhile way to take something off your plate. We don't pay for a grocery pickup all the time because at our store it does cost extra. We don't pay for a grocery pickup all the time because at our store it does cost extra and I don't mind grocery shopping. But in these really busy seasons simple decisions like that can save you an hour in a very crowded store and just give you a little bit more mental space and a little bit more energy to put toward something that you really do care about. That can be a really great way to practice a small amount of self-care for yourself. Hopefully you also have a spouse or partner who's willing to share responsibilities.

Speaker 1:

I know in our house the more specific I am, the better that there's a lot there to unpack, because I know then you get into the whole mental load issues and stuff. But I think sometimes people are willing to help. Even my kids are willing to help. They just need some direction. So sometimes if I feel really overwhelmed. I will do a brain dump on a blank piece of paper and I will make categories and it might be errands, wrapping gifts to buy food, whatever the categories are in my mind, things to clean and then I will write down tasks like so maybe things to clean it's you know, kids, bathroom laundry, sweep the kitchen floor, wipe down the kitchen table, whatever it is and then I just show my family the entire list and say these are all the things in my brain right now. It's a lot of things. My brain is hurting.

Speaker 1:

So if you guys could all look at this list and then tell me what you feel capable of doing, if you could just initial by the one that you're going to do, that would be really helpful for me and I would appreciate the support. So you're giving them some autonomy to choose off of this list with 20 or 30 things. Oh, I can go do wiping the kitchen table. And then my son might say, ah, I can go vacuum, that's not that hard, I know how to do that. And then maybe my husband says oh, I can run these three errands. I don't feel good about this one because I don't know what you need there. So if you could do that one, I'll do this one, and it just keeps the dialogue open and very productive. So that's a good strategy if you want to share responsibilities for how you get people to help you without feeling like you're bossy or nagging.

Speaker 1:

And that brings us to our next option, number four. We need to make sure we are getting enough rest. This maybe seems obvious, but sometimes the obvious is what slips first. The holidays are busy. You're probably staying out later. Hopefully you have some fun parties or events. You're going to go look at Christmas lights at night. There's lots of things to be doing, but fundamentally, we do all need enough sleep if we're going to feel our best in the holidays.

Speaker 1:

I for sure know that I am not someone who does super well when I get tired. I know that I am not someone who does super well when I get tired. I know that about myself when I start to feel really anxious. It's also such a vicious cycle where I'm not sleeping as well or I wake up thinking about things, have trouble getting back to sleep, and then, the more you can stay ahead of those cycles by staying well rested, then having good rest will create more good rest and you will just feel a thousand times better. So treat yourself If you are able to, if your kids are old enough, sleep in a little bit later, rest during the day, even if you don't go all the way to sleep. Carve out 20 minutes, 30 minutes in your day where you can just be in quiet, just turn everything off, maybe read a good book, maybe meditate, maybe just sit in actual silence sipping a cup of coffee and just turning your brain off, because that can go a long way, taking a few deep breaths, calming, recentering and just coming at it with your best physical self and your best mental self.

Speaker 1:

Which actually brings us to our fifth and last one, which is scheduling some alone time. It is a lot of activities and a lot of people and a lot of needs that you are balancing in the holidays. It is important that you don't get too overwhelmed with everyone else's needs and forget to do the basics for yourself. So I know, for me it can be hard to schedule things like I mean just basic things like haircuts, things like that can get really hard to fit in in the holidays because the weekends feel full, the workdays are full, but just carving out a few little times throughout the month where you know, okay, I'm going to go do this. Or even if it's just asking your husband to watch the kids so that you can do some errands alone.

Speaker 1:

I know that that's semi-controversial because it's not really time off, but I do think that just some time alone from your kids and your husband and people just asking you for things and managing the feelings and all the stuff, even if you're actually doing something productive, some time where you're not working but you're alone, maybe working out, maybe going for a walk can help you clear your mind, refocus on your intentions and your priorities. Because the thing about intentions and priorities is like these five things kind of work as a cycle, like if you never have alone time, you never can refocus on those intentions and priorities, and if you don't have those intentions and priorities, it's hard to have healthy boundaries. And if you don't have good boundaries like maybe not be sharing your responsibilities and like all of the things work together, when you can try to embrace them as much as possible, then you will have a recipe for staying sane, staying healthy and, most importantly, enjoying this season, because it's meant to be a time of joy, a time of celebration, a time of happiness as much as possible, and I know that we all have things in life that cause the season to maybe not be all of those things. But I would just encourage you, even if you are struggling with something, even if there are some anxieties or griefs or sadnesses weighing on you this holiday, I just hope that you can find some moments of joy in the midst of the craziness and just seek out these little opportunities to celebrate the season, create meaningful memories with your family and just to remember that it doesn't have to be overly exciting, overly splashy or glitzy, that sometimes just the simple moments with your family making cookies or hanging out or just walking around your neighborhood looking at Christmas lights, those little memories can be so meaningful and in the end, like that's truly festive. It's not about the champagne or the money or the glitter and the glitz which I like those things obviously sometimes but at the end of the day, those sweet little moments are what count the most and what we hold with us in our heart. So I hope you are having a wonderful holiday. I hope it is full of joy and sweets and good time and I will see you next week.

Speaker 1:

Thank you for joining me today on Never Too Festive. I hope you are leaving feeling inspired and refreshed. If you've loved what you've heard, don't keep it to yourself. Share this podcast with a friend who could use a little extra sparkle in her life. And hey, while you're at it, why not leave a review on your favorite podcast platform? Your feedback helps us continue to grow and inspire more women like you. Have questions or feedback you want to share directly with me? Simply click the link in the show notes to send me a text. I'd love to hear from you. Until next time, remember, all we have is today, so let's choose to live our most fabulous, joyful life together.